“It was said in the oral instruction of Master Tilopa (Upadesha) that Master Milerepa,the lineage holder and student of Lhodak Marpa Choski Lodos (Marpa the Translator), explained that there exists three kinds of mind-stream experienced on the path.
The common person is like the ‘swiftly running mountain stream’ which stirs up much dirt and debris and flows quick and violent, shallow and narrow and in just one direction. One that constricts, is bound, imprisoned by egoic restrictions and stirs up bad karma as it flows because it rejects and ignores openness and vastness due to clinging of illusory nature. Drama, disorder, chaos and confusion are created by the boundary of this limited perception. Negative karmic impressions are accumulated due to grasping of egoic mind-stream and wrong view.
The advanced practitioner creates a 'river deep and wide’ that runs slowly without much disturbance. Although the bottom of the river is not yet clear, this state creates good karma through a settled and open view by its nature of allowing and gentleness. Here the practitioner has developed conscious awareness that is vast enough to see through transient nature and reactive mind-stream influencing others and himself for good virtue due to diligent practice and right view.
The adept practitioner is like the gentle silent river that has opened up into a great lake. There is no disturbance, the lake is clear and transparent even down to it’s depths. There is the creation of neither good karma nor bad karma because view itself has been eliminated. This adept has moved past 'good or bad’ as all possibilities are accepted without any undulation of discrimination from mind-stream which remains constantly quiet and still without aversions. Vast open awareness like a cloudless sky pervades and Clear Light accompanies the practitioner through death and bardo into the 'Pure Lands.”
Authors note: This is my first ever fanfic for anything ever so please go easy on me. This is rated M for smut (be warned). I hope you like it and if not, all feedback is welcome as long as it constructive. Enjoy! :)
*This is Part ½
“Look, I know this a lot to ask. But I’m scared Aims.” Karma looked towards Amy pleadingly.
After yesterday, Amy was hesitant to agree to anything else Karma suggested. She had already agreed blindly to a threesome, not really thinking about the weight of the situation.
Neither of them had been intimate before. It was daunting enough to be that close to one person for the first time, let alone two at once. That’s why Karma was standing nervously in Amy’s room, asking her be her first.
“Karma… I, ugh, I don’t know.” Amy responded, anxiously toying with her fingers. Karma look dejectedly to the ground and sighed.
“I understand. I knew it was a long shot, but I wanted my first to be with one person - someone who really cares about me, you know?”
And Amy did know. She looked at her best friend’s saddened features. God she was gorgeous, and Amy couldn’t stand to see such a negative emotion take over her face.
If she was being honest with herself, Amy knew that she too, didn’t want her first time to be a fake, meaningless experience. But perhaps it was her newfound feelings for her best friend that were making her feel guilty for even thinking about just the two of them together. She loved Karma too much to take advantage like that.
However, when Amy returned to reality and again gazed upon Karma’s fallen expression, she knew she couldn’t bear seeing it another second.
She strode surely towards Karma and took her soft cheeks in her hands, catching her by surprise.
No words were exchanged. Only nervous looks before Amy gradually leaned in to rest their foreheads together. It was then Karma who who carefully closed the distance before grazing her lips against Amy’s own supple ones.
Karma’s hand positioned themselves on Amy’s waist as both quickened the pace of their kiss. Lips glided graciously in unison. Amy indulged in everything that was Karma, slipping her arms around her neck pulling their bodies flush against each other.
Karma’s tongue licked gently and Amy’s bottom lip. Amy’s mouth opened slightly, allowing room for her tongue to enter.
She let out a low humming noise that reverberated between their mouths. Karma smiled into the kiss, gripping her waste tighter.
They stayed standing pressed against each other, exchanging passionate kisses for a while.
As things began heating up, Amy pulled away. Karma looked at her confused whilst recovering from her heavy breathing. Amy whispered a “sorry” and moved out of her best friends embrace. She sunk into her bed and lay back on her pillow in a puff. She stroked her fingers through her hair and felt her eyes welling up with tears.
Karma immediately noticed and, despite her confusion, crawled onto the bed next to her and grabbed hold of one of her hands.
Amy just stared at the ceiling trying hard not to let the tears escape her. “What is it?” Karma implored worriedly, scanning her face for any obvious signs.
Amy turned on her side towards Karma and relinquished her body’s urge to cry. She sobbed uncontrollably as the tears flowed freely.
Karma scooted closer taking Amy’s face in her hands and tenderly stroking away the fresh tears. “Shh. Honey, what’s the matter? I’m sorry, we can stop.” Karma said soothingly, worry laced in her words.
Amy shook her head stubbornly and hurriedly began kissing Karma again. “I’m just so scared”, Amy whispered, taking a moment before resuming their actions.
Karma was trying to slow it down without stopping entirely. She just wanted Amy to be sure. She didn’t want to pressure her or make her feel uncomfortable.
“If you’re not ready, then -” Karma was cut off by Amy lips on hers again. She feverishly kissed her, deepening it like they were running out of time. Her lips rapidly moved away from Karma’s mouth and trailed her jaw line. Further then she pursued down to her neck. Nuzzling and kissing and biting across it.
Karma, who was feeling apprehensive, let out an involuntary moan at the incredibly feeling of Amy on her neck. Her pulse was beating at an unimaginable rate.
Amy impatiently pushed Karma on her back and straddled her, lips never leaving her neck. It was then that Amy’s hands began to grip tightly at the hem of of Karma’s shirt, pulling it as aggressively as she was kissing her.
Karma’s mind was jumbled. While she felt as if now was not the right time to do this, the sensation of everything Amy was clouding her judgement.
She didn’t have much more time to think either as the felt Amy’s hands gliding sensually underneath her shirt and over her stomach.
Karma could only let a sharp gasp escape her as Amy then made her way back up to Karma’s mouth with her own. Amy’s hand slid higher and higher until Karma could feel them massaging the material of her bra. She let out a elated moan.
Amy continued groping and the material. “Aims, please.” Karma begged, wanting more contact. Amy obliged.
She greedily let her hands work their way under her bra and massage the smooth mounds below them.
Karma arched her back as another moan left her.
Suddenly, the contact on Karma’s breasts disappeared long enough for Amy to hastily lift her own shirt over her head before pulling Karma out of hers as well. Amy’s fingers begin fumbling over Karma’s jean zipper as she kissed her hungrily. Finally manage to undo the garment, Amy slid them down her body, staring lustfully at her best friends nearly naked form.
Feeling slightly self conscious, Karma inquired for Amy to take hers off too. She silently obliged. She then sat, straddling on top of Karma, looking down as she reached seductively behind her back.
Both their hearts were hammering. Amy wanted this for more reasons than being scared. Karma wanted this only because she was scared. But both wanted it.
They stared deeply into the other’s eyes and Amy unhooked her bra, before letting it drop.
Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life,the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.’ It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment—not discouragement—you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.
Joseph Campbell, A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living.