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Lies about the signs

Aries: Angrier than Satan

Taurus: More self indulgent than Kim Kardashian 

Gemini: As inconsistent as the shape of popcorn

Cancer: Cries more than a hungry baby

Leo: Loves themselves more than Kanye West loves himself

Virgo: Harder to impress than a snail

Libra: As flirty as Joey Tribbiani from Friends

Scorpio: Has more sex than a full time prostitute

Sagittarius: More brutal than a Barbarian 

Capricorn: Is smarter than Einstein 

Aquarius: Is Satan

Pisces: Smokes more weed than Afroman (Singer of Then I got high)