Diplomatic Correspondence between Ottoman Emperor Mehmed IV and the Zaporozhian Cossacks in the 1670′s
From Mehmed IV
I, the Sultan, son of Mohamed, brother of the Sun and Moon, grandson and vicegerent of God, sovereign of all kingdoms: of Macedonia, Babylonia, and Jerusalem, of Upper and Lower Egypt: king of kings; ruler of all that exists; extraordinary, invincible knight; constant guardian of the grave of Jesus Christ; trustee of God himself; hope and comport of Moslems, confusion and great protector of Christians, command, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to surrender to me voluntarily and without any kind of resistance, and don’t permit yourselves to trouble me with attacks! Turkish Sultan Mehmed.
Reply from the Zaporozhian Cossacks,
To the Turkish Sultan. You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil shits and you and your army swallow it. You aren’t fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren’t afraid of your army, and we’ll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer-brewer, Alexandrian goatskinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine’s snout, mare’s asshole, butcher’s dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That’s how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of snot! You’re unfit to rule true Christians. We don’t know the date because we don’t have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in the book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss your ass. Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko with all the Zaporozhian Host.