A/N: This is three steps away from being a shitpost
Kakashi’s that friend that seems cool at first but is actually the biggest dork once you get to know em. He’s all suave in front of other people but when it’s only you two that facade just drops.
“Where did your cool and aloof attitude go?”
“Where all the fucks I gave went”
You know that meme that’s like “she slapped my smirk away but luckily I was wearing a second, smaller smirk underneath” or something? That’s his mask. If someone tries to pull his mask off Kakashi has a second, equally-sized mask underneath so you still don’t see anything.
Steals your food tbh. No one knows how he eats it without someone seeing his face, but he does it. You suspect the mask may just be a very elaborate genjutsu
Got drunk and tried to teach Pakkun how to play fetch. Pakkun did fetch–he fetched Kakashi’s dignity from the trash can and then dragged him home
Replaced all the snacks in the jounin lounge with dog biscuits once. Was subsequently thrown out a window.
Reenacted Diogenes and Plato’s interaction in Plato’s Academy with Jiraiya. Jiraiya was Plato. Kakashi had the chicken.
Sculpted an owl’s head out of a banana. Has not done so since then
Would learn to play the accordion if he ever got his hands on one
Once fought off seven rogue nin using a carton of eggs, a plastic spoon, and a bedsheet
He insists the previous point is true to anyone who will listen
“Kakashi, I love you,” he said in a low tired voice. It was the first time Kakashi had ever heard his father say something like that to him.
Kakashi had packed his lunch and was putting on his shoes to go to school. He gaped at Sakumo, the gears slowly turning in his head to process that one simple sentence. His chest felt warm. And then he gave a small smile under his mask and said, “I’ll be back soon. Tonight we’ll have roasted sanma.”
That was the last exchange he had with Sakumo before coming home to find him dead on the floor with a tanto stuck in his stomach.