I refried some leftover slow-smoked BBQ pork shoulder with peppers and onion and stuff. Stuffed it in a homemade kaiser roll with homemade pickles. Dijon mustard and leftover BBQ sauce from the pork. And now basically I am sobbing.
There was also some watercress and wild garlic soup with fucking…blue cheese that had been lurking in the fridge and wanted dealing with. And that was good too, but this shit? Fuck.
Special thanks to YouTube commenter DittoMaster6 for getting the ball rolling, to Potatoking Gaming, Sandro Swen, and Ved Walker for contributing the first lyrics, and to the rest of ya’ll in that comments thread for keeping the thread alive.
Also, if anyone wants to draw Art for the song’s icon (so I don’t have to use some picture I pulled from google images), then please do!
The Great Misérables Bake Off, Pt. 1 (2500 Follower Giveaway Fic #4)
Both @unpeubrillante and @ihopeintangoyouhavemoreluck requested Great British Bake Off AUs, so I hope neither minds that I am combining their requests into a two-part fic, with part 2 coming tomorrow. unpeubrillante requested E/R and Marius being Marius, while ihopeintangoyouhavemoreluck wanted some Combeferre/Courfeyrac fluff, so I’ve done my best to incorporate both.
I absolutely LOVE the Great British Bake Off (like it literally sustained me through the last few weeks of campaigning), so the best way that I could think to write a GBBO AU was to write it as a transcript of the show. As such, I’ve done my best to honor the spirit of the show, even if it sacrifices my usual flowery descriptions.
Great British Bake Off AU, developing E/R, developing Combeferre/Courfeyrac, developing Marius/Cosette. Fluff. And loads of crack (the fic kind. Not the drug kind).
The following is a transcript of the unaired fourth episode of Season 3 of The Great Miserables Bake Off. As readers may know, Season 3 was cancelled following the fifth episode when it was revealed that both a host and a judge had become romantically involved with two contestants behind the scenes and when a third contestant tried to arrest the other judge. This transcript, broken into two parts, has been provided for legal purposes pending multiple lawsuits against the studio, contestants, judges and, in one unfortunate incident, the cameraman.
The show’s editors regret to inform readers that only the final cut of the episode is available. Unedited material has been mysteriously misplaced. However, we believe that the edited material shows a clear sense of what transpired leading up to the events of the 5th episode, which can be viewed in their entirety in the previously provided footage.
[CAMERA: Opens on typical overcast British summer day. COURFEYRAC and ÉPONINE are sitting under a tree. ÉPONINE’S arms are crossed and she looks downcast.]
COURFEYRAC: I have a joke to cheer you up. Why are our bakers going to be in a panic today?
ÉPONINE: [without enthusiasm] Why?
COURFEYRAC: Because they’re going to be in a loaf or death situation!
Airheads taffy Blow Pops Brach’s Cinnamon Hard Candy Brach’s Root Beer Barrels Brach’s Star Brites Chocolove Dark Chocolate bar Chocolove Cherries and Almonds Dark Chocolate Bar Chocolove Crystallized Ginger Dark Chocolate Bar Chocolove Orange Peel Dark Chocolate Bar Chocolove Raspberry Dark Chocolate bar Chick-o-Sticks Cry Babies Dots Dum-Dums Fruit By the Foot Hubba Bubba bubblegum Jolly Ranchers (lollipops and hard candy) Jujubees Jujyfruits Laffy Taffy Lemonheads Mambas Mary Janes (regular and peanut butter kisses) Panda Licorice Smarties (U.S. Brand) Sour Patch Kids Super Bubble Swedish Fish Sweet Tarts Zotz
Bremner Wafers Cracker Jacks Famous Amos Sandwich Cookies (Peanut Butter) Ferrara Wafer Swirls With Chocolate Fritos Grandma’s Peanut Butter Sandwich Cremes Hain Apple Cinnamon Rice Cakes Herr’s Salsa and Lime Tortilla Chips Keebler Animal Crackers Keebler Club Crackers Keebler Vienna Fingers Kettle White Popcorn Kool-Aid Gels Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies Lance Capitain’s Wafers Lance Choc-O Cookies Lance Peanut Bar Lance Sugar Wafers (Strawberry Creme) Lance Sugar Wafers (Vanilla Creme) Lay’s Blue Corn Chips Lay’s Potato Chips (Natural Country Barbecue) Lay’s Potato Chips (Thick Cut Sea Salt) Lay’s Stax Lay’s WOW! Potato Chips Lay’s Yellow Corn Chips Lundberg Brown Rice Cakes Manischewitz Whole Wheat Matzo, Unsalted Matzo, and Savory Garlic Matzo Melba Toast (Rye) Melba Toast (Sesame) Melba Toast (Wheat) Microwave popcorn (minus the real butter flavor) Mission Foods Pre-Cut Unfried Tortilla Chips and Strips Mission Foods Pre-Fried Tortilla Chips and Strips Munchos Murray Southern Kitchen Iced Oatmeal Cookies Nabisco Ginger Snaps Nabisco Original Graham Crackers Nabisco Spiced Cinnamon Cookies Nabisco Teddy Grahams (Chocolate and Cinnamon) New York Flatbreads (Everything and Garlic) Nutter Butter Bites Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, cashews, and Pistachios Pretzels Quaker Apple Cinnamon Rice Cakes Ritz Regular Crackers Ritz Roasted Vegetable Crackers Salsa Snyder’s Pretzel Chips (Garden Veggie) Snyder’s Pretzel Sticks (Pumpernickel/Onion) Soy Crisps (Barbecue, Deep Sea Salt, Garlic Onion, Salt and Vinegar, and Apple Cinnamon Crunch flavor) Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos Stacy’s Pita Chips (Baked, Cinnamon Sugar, Pesto and Sundried Tomato, Taxarkana Hot, and Tuscan Herb) Sun Chips Original flavor SunSpire Organic Dark Chocolate Almonds Toasteds Crackers (Sesame and Wheat) Tostitos Bite Size Rounds Tortilla Chips Tostitos Blue Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips Tostitos Crispy Rounds Tortilla Chips Tostitos Dipping Strips! Tortilla Chips Tostitos Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips Baked Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips Tostitos Multigrain Tortilla Chips Tostitos Natural Blue Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips Tostitos Natural Yellow Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips Town House Original Crackers Trail mix Triscuits Wasa Crispbread (Multi-Grain) Wheat Thins (Original, Multi-Grain, Reduced Fat, and Sundried Tomato and Basil) Zesta Original Crackers
Arnold Premium Seasoned Stuffing Betty Crocker Bac-o’s Bacon Flavor Bits Brianna’s French Dressing Brianna’s Poppy Seed Dressing Brianna’s Santa Fe Blend Dressing Campbell’s Franco-American Mushroom Gravy Classico Pasta Sauces (Roasted Garlic) Classico Pasta Sauces (Spicy Red Pepper) Dona Maria Mole El Paso Enchilada Sauce Girard’s Champagne Dressing Girard’s Italian Dressing Girard’s Original French Dressing Girard’s Raspberry Dressing Hunt’s Manwich Sauce Kame Marinades (Red Chili) Kame Marinades (Sweet Teriyaki) Kame Marinades (Thai Coconut) Kame Marinades (Wasabi With Ginger) Kellogg’s Corn Flakes Crumbs Knorr Red Bell Pepper Pesto Sauce Mix Kraft Balsamic Dressing Kraft Catalina Dressing Kraft Classic Italian Vinaigrette Dressing Kraft Creamy Italian Dressing Kraft Fat-Free Italian Dressing Kraft French Dressing Kraft French Fries Seasoning Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion) Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion Mushroom) Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Vegetable) McCormick Bac’n Pieces McCormick Spaghetti Sauce Mix Newman’s Light Balsamic Dressing Newman’s Light Italian Dressing Newman’s Light Raspberry and Walnut Dressing Newman’s Olive Oil and Vinegar Dressing Newman’s Red Wine Vinaigrette and Olive Oil Dressing Newman’s Regular Balsamic Dressing Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix Peanut Butter & Co. White Chocolate Wonderful Pepperidge Farms Cubed Herb Seasoned Stuffing Prego Mushroom Pasta Sauce Ragu Pizza Sauce
Arnold’s Carb-Counting Multi-Grain Bread Arnold’s Jewish Rye Bread Arnold’s Potato Sandwich Rolls Arnold’s Sesame Sandwich Rolls Arnold’s Stone Ground Whole Wheat Bread Arnold’s Wheat Sandwich Rolls Cobblestone Mill Hoagie Rolls Cobblestone Mill Jewish Rye Bread Cobblestone Mill Kaiser Rolls Cobblestone Mill Onion Rolls Cobblestone Mill Party Rolls Cobblestone Mill Pumpernickel Bread Cobblestone Mill White Sub Rolls Cobblestone Mill Whole Wheat Bread Dutch Country Soft Potato Dutch Country Whole Wheat Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Apple) Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Cherry) Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Peach) Kroger Bread Little Debbie Cake Donuts Pepperidge Farm Dark Pumpernickel Bread Pepperidge Farm Rye and Pumpernickel Swirl Bread Thomas New York Style Bagels (Blueberry) Thomas New York Style Bagels (Cinnamon Swirl) Thomas New York Style Bagels (Everything) Thomas New York Style Bagels (Plain) Thomas Toaster Bagels (Cinnamon Raisin) Thomas Toaster Bagels (Plain)
Refrigerated and Frozen Foods
Anne’s Flat Dumplings Athens Phyllo Dough Athens Phyllo Mini Shells Calaro Guacamole Edy’s No-Sugar Bars Edy’s Whole Fruit Bars Fleischmann’s Light Margarine Food Lion French Fries Food Lion Hash Browns Food Lion Restaurant Fries Food Lion Seasoned Curly Fries Food Lion Shoe String Fries Food Lion Steak Fries General Mills Italian-Style Vegetables General Mills Roasted Potatoes With Garlic and Herbs Luigi’s Italian Ice Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade Bars Mrs. Smith’s Deep Dish Pie Crust Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Sheets Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Shells Pillsbury Cornbread Twists Pillsbury Turnover (Apple) Pillsbury Turnover (Cherry) Piñata Flour Tortillas Safeway Whipped Cream (Canned) Simply Potatoes Diced Potato With Onion Simply Potatoes New Potato Wedges Simply Potatoes Shredded Hash Browns Smart Squeeze Fat-Free Margarine Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam SuperPretzel Baked Soft Pretzels
Kaiser rolls are generally used as a sandwich bread. They are lightly enriched and contain malt. About two thirds of the way through the final proofing, they are stamped, which is how they get the design.