kaidan knows that

saintlavellan asked:

10 with shenko :)

10. The Last Kiss (um ouch)

The tremor that rocked the Normandy was too strong for it to be good news. Sure, occasionally they hit rough patches or needed to divert course quickly, causing people to wobble over. But this, this was a collision.

Shepard sat up in bed and shook Kaidan, fast asleep next to her. He groaned and rolled over, but when the sirens throughout the cabin started echoing loudly, he sat up too, rubbing his eyes.

“What’s happening?” he grumbled.

“Something’s wrong,” she said, pulling on the under armor she wore below her armor set, and shoved him out of bed. “Get up!”

“Shepard, relax! It could be just a malfunction. Joker hasn’t told us anything.”

Shepard pressed a finger to her ear, radioing into Joker. “Joker, what’s going on up there?”

She waited a moment for the crackled response to come through. “Commander, we’re taking fire!”

“Affirmative. Prep the ship for evac, now!”

Shepard turned to Kaidan. “Suit up and I’m putting you in charge of getting the crew into escape pods.”

“Shepard, wait!” he said.

“Kaidan, do as I say. Get in your damn armor and get the crew off the ship. I’m going to signal the distress beacon to get the Alliance in for a pickup. Go!”

She pulled her greaves on and strapped them to her legs, and took the chest piece and gauntlets as she bolted from the room. Kaidan reached out a hand and curled his fingers around her wrist, pulling her back to him.

“Kaidan, we have to-,” she started, but immediately noticed the panic in his eyes. “We need to get off this ship. Otherwise we’re all dead. You know that.”

He nodded. “I know. Just… be careful. I’ll get everyone into the pods. Just - you - please… be careful, for me.”

She leaned forward and placed her lips against his, her hands cupping the side of his face. He grabbed at the fabric of her shirt and didn’t want to let go. She knew the chances of them getting separated, on different escape pods, not knowing the other’s fate was likely, but it was better than losing one another for good. But until they were together again, she’d remember the taste of his lips and the gentle touch of his hands on her body, and eagerly await the chance to be with him again.

“Shepard, I -,” he started.

“Kaidan, I’m going to come right back to you, I promise. I’ll find you and everything will be okay. I’m going to come back to you,” she said. “And you can tell me everything then. Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

And she exited the cabin into the flames that ravaged the Normandy.

i really just want to read more about Kaidan during the lost years

i want to know what happened between the collector ship attack and Horizon. i want to know how many times he went home to his mom. i want to know how he dealt with survivor’s guilt – twice as heavy now – and came out stronger.

i want to know how he spent his time while Shepard was with Cerberus. i want to hear about all the amazing things he did. i want to cry hearing about how he earned the rank of Major.

i want to know why he didn’t get promoted during the two years that Shepard was thought to be dead, but then got promoted twice (right?) in one year.

he must’ve been amazing. i want to know how he made decisions. i want to know how he led his squad.

send fics my way please, thank u


Born in 2156, Marian was born to a wealthy English family and was one of the biotic potentials sent to the nascent Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training, also known as BAaT, when the Alliance and Conatix Industries first organized the training program. It was founded in order to train fledgling human biotics. As the program entailed, she was kept apart from her family, aside from her sister, Bethany, who also accompanied her to BAaT. On Jump Zero, she was typically regarded as one not to be trifled with and had no close friends other than her sister, and was often described as intimidating, callow, and brutish. Because of her rebellious spirit, Marian faced the brunt of Commander Vyrnnus’ malignity. His hunger and thirst ‘training aids’ brought her to a state on the verge of malnourishment, rather than serving as a training incentive. Her only saving grace was her dear sister, who snuck parts of her meals and water on occasion.

 Undocumented punishment, like beatings and even being forced to shower in scalding water, were suffered by Marian and a few other stragglers. This form of discipline ultimately was not viewed as abuse because of their youth and the intended effect. And after awhile, she was responsive to it, but only out of fear of pain rather than respect. Bethany later died due to an accident while training, which made Hawke a lot more jaded and unresponsive to punishment and training. Eventually, when Kaidan killed Commander Vyrnnus in response to him breaking Rahna’s arm, Marian became bitter and passive-aggressive because “nobody batted an eye when Bethany died”, and regards the memory of Vyrnnus dying with a lot of contempt.  

After BAaT was shut down, Marian ended up on Omega and began to work for Aria as a hireling. But, early on, she begins to form her own opinions about those Aria associates herself with, like Cerberus. And if there is one thing that Marian does not like, it’s human-supremacists who experiment on biotics, especially with the colorful group of friends she established on Omega. So off she fled, directing herself more towards freelance mercenary work. 

She suffers from extremely painful headaches, night terrors, and bouts of depression because of her L2 implants, and can be considered unstable because of the aforementioned implants. Though they cause great pain to her, they are highly effective and her biotic powers are extremely powerful, though out of her control. She stays in contact with her mother, but since BAaT severed ties with her and told her that it’s dangerous to be around Marian, their relationship has been rocky and their contact small. 

lionessrampant replied to your post: So Wednesday, my Mom came over so we c…

my jaw literally dropped when i read your tags. pls do tell

Hahaha, it wasn’t anything grandiose or anything. She’d come over for something? And tumblr was up, so I closed it because, hey, you know, kaidan porn on my dash and my mom shouldn’t mix. And she just said it, right out of the blue. “Oh hey, I read your fanfic. No Strings Attached was really good.”

And I’m pretty sure I did exactly this:

mothers, if you read your child’s smut, don’t tell them dear lord


Please, if I do anything, write anything, or say anything that’s especially problematic or an issue for someone, let me know. If I can fix it, I will. If I can’t, then it’ll probably end up being something I address explicitly later (in writing), or something I work on not doing in the future (in art). I am far from perfect, and I’m also still learning about a lot of these things, so don’t be shy about letting me know if I do something that’s uncomfortable for the wrong reasons.

Kudos to synthetic-shepard for indirectly reminding me to do this.

I talked myself into a corner with Kaidan, and had to be a jerk to him in order to get off his romance track. I have no interest in any sort of relationship with him (even though holy shit the conversations with Liara are so uncomfortable so far. I spent half the time gritting my teeth and hissing, “EMOTE!” at Shepard), honestly still don’t feel especially attached to his character in general, and still hate his voice beyond reasonable levels.

But he got his feelings super hurt when I told him off, and I just.

I’m sort of mad that this game can make me feel sad for a character I don’t really care about. But mostly I’m just really, really excited that the vidja game is making me feel the feelings again! It’s been way too long.

Happy Birthday Shepard

Shepard inhaled and closed her eyes, tilting her head towards the sun and felt the warmth on her face as she sat over looking the English Bay. This day, she thought, couldn’t get anymore perfect.

She felt movement next to her and opened her eyes to see Kaidan settling down beside her. His hair was definitely greying more, showing his status as a veteran solider. Not that Shepard could say anything - her own hair was greying, and her eyes crinkled when she smiled, which she did as Kaidan ran a hand down her face and leaned in to kiss her head.

“Happy birthday,” he murmured for the tenth time that day, resting his head against against hers. “You make me the happiest man alive”.

Shepard smiled softly, rubbing her nose against her husbands. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be Kaidan, surely you know that by now. I have defied death for you, and I would do it all again”.

Kaidan grinned and kissed her softly, his battle worn lips pressing softly against hers as he breathed “I love you”.

Couldn’t get more perfect, Shepard thought, as she thought about all the future birthdays she would get to spend with the man she loved with all the might of the galaxy.

galtori asked:

Maker, keep her safe on her travels, and bring her swiftly back to me. But let her grow while I am not with her, and let her think fondly of me. - Cullen "Access Spectre terminal. Authorization Kaidan Alenko. Set surveillance probe to follow one Monica along the coast, and a second to follow five miles in front of her. Alert me if anything is amiss with the second probe, and allow a live feed for the first drone." - Kaidan Maker, I know she can take care of herself. I've seen her do it

(part 2) do it countless times, but just watch over her. Don’t let her get in over her head. - Alistair. (Yes boyfriends are keeping an eye on you and anxiously awaiting your return. XD Thought it might help the withdrawls. Or the recovery depending on when you get this.)


Pretty sure this is why I had smooth driving from Portland to Monterey and back again. 


guess who’s writing mass effect agaaaaain

Kaidan grabbed Miranda’s arm, pulling her quietly outside. “This is a hospital,” he reminded her, “not an interrogation room. Ease up.”

She tugged her arm free and placed her hands on her hips. “We have to get results. You know as well as I do what will happen if Shepard doesn’t give us a response.”

Kaidan sighed. “I know. I just…”

“I know this is hard for you. Take some time for yourself,” Miranda offered. “I’ll call Jacob up.”

valkhalla asked:

your face, your humor, your dumb jokes that make me laugh for no reason, your fiery little spirit, your passion, but not your ugly romance with kaidan stop that you know better than that


ALSO you’re just tryna talk yourself out of giving in when i know ur all over that biotic booty right now no matter how much u try to deny it