kaamelott: mine

“Will I ever get over my first love?” you ask.

I tell you that’s too broad. You don’t “get over” someone you were once in love with. You can not simply just erase the adrenaline filled first touches, or the sunny cherry kissed afternoons spent dazed in their presence. You can’t fill the holes they once dug into the deepest part of your heart. You will always know them and they will always know you; they will always be a part of your deepest thoughts because they once had the privileged of hearing them.

But what can happen is this. Those nights spent sitting alone in your room replaying the memories as your heart burns and your mind sinks will slowly turn into a still presence of just knowing who you once were. Those mornings started by a panicked realization they are gone will soon turn into admiring the sun peeking through the windows while you realize your sudden and subtle contentment.

The pain of unrequited love fades. You let go of the fact that they don’t want you anymore. You realize you don’t need them to make you happy and you start to live for yourself. You realize that it ended for a reason; you were only meant to be together in the past and it simply is not fit for you anymore. You begin to take life for what it is and grow from every experience.

Of course you still have love for them, but it is a different kind of love. It’s that distant love where you wish them the best but you aren’t desperate for their presence anymore.  

As you continue to move on you may think of them and reminisce on the old times, but you know the doors to the nights of screaming and crying over them have finally been locked. You’re on a new path now, and so are they. It’s the beautiful cycle of life and love.

—  a letter to my old self