This woman had the good luck of being advanced to the throne of England, inspite of the superior pretensions, Merit, & Beauty of her Cousins Mary Queen of Scotland & Jane Grey. Nor can I pity the Kingdom for the misfortunes they experienced during her Reign, since they fully deserved them, for having allowed her to succeed her Brother - which was a double peice of folly, since they might have foreseen that as she died without Children, she would be succeeded by that disgrace to humanity, that pest of society, Elizabeth. Many were the people who fell Martyrs to the protestant Religion during her reign; I suppose not fewer than a dozen. She married Philip King of Spain who in her Sister’s reign was famous for building Armadas. She died without issue, & then the dreadful moment came in which the destroyer of all comfort, the deceitful Betrayer of trust reposed in her, & the Murderess of her Cousin succeeded to the Throne.
The History of England (1791), by a then-15 year old Jane Austen. It was written as a parody of books such as Oliver Goldsmith's The History of England from the Earliest Times to the Death of George II (1771). The portraits were illustrated by her sister Cassandra.
Emily’s parents were cleaning out some kind of storage area and found an almost mint copy of a “zine” that some friends and I made in high school, which Emily was nice enough to return to me. (For some reason she herself does not seem to have been involved in the production, which must be a relief for her.)
Unlike the highly personal/confessional/politically aware zines that everyone else was making in the 90’s, our zine– entitled Taste and Si, because ???– is entirely pointless and dashed off. Even at the time I don’t think we thought it was particularly clever or interesting, but it was something to do. In my opinion the main thing it has going for it fifteen years later is what Carrie Bradshaw would call a certain za za zu in terms of the design. (A lot more effort seems to have been put into laying out the pages than into actually writing the text.)
Features included are:
A comedic essay about Comedy, titled Comedy.
Who Likes Bacon, a short and not very enlightened style column offering fashion tips for Carnie Wilson.
Many pages of pure filler.
Do You Have an Eating Disorder, an irreverent quiz about eating disorders. (This one was of course my handiwork.)
Something called Tips From Nazareth/A Reading From Paul which is almost impossible to describe but seems to be written from the perspective of a crazy person who is still upset about Jesus’s crucifixion. Also features a lot of non-sequitur scatological humor.
An aggressively pointless essay expressing admiration for Ricki Lake written by me in my signature banal but zippy style.
A “survey” meant to be returned “up your butt and around the corner.”
A double page activity spread in which the reader is asked to draw hairdos on pictures of people cut out from the yearbook.
A Story About a Dwarf, which seems to have been written by my youngest sister who would have been seven or eight. It has nothing to do with dwarves.
Fuck You in giant bubble letters
The Sassies, an illustrated (by me!) lesbian melodrama set in my precalculus class. It makes no sense but has an appealing visual style.
Too Much Babies- pictured. Based on the obsession with pregnancy and illegal baby trade, I’m pretty sure this must be the work of my friend Katie.
A somewhat racist but also comedically nonsensical guide to dressing in “Arab” costume. (I was sort of shocked by this but at least it’s not in my handwriting.)
Dear Dullard, an advice column “written” by a very dull person. (Actually written and illustrated by me.)
Some purposely bad poetry
Bible Mad Libs
Freak World. Also possibly by my little sister? Subhed: “How do you know when your standing there talking to a freak.”
So I came across this alarmingly adorable snapshot of Nick and Rowland on Instagram when looking for photos from Peter Milne’s Juvenilia exhibit. As a too-good-to-be-true postscript, though, note that this is a cropped version; further searching brought me to the original image. (Are we really surprised?)