I understand that you’re not intending to be offensive, but I need you to understand that when you tell me “why can’t she get over herself”, what I hear from you is “why can’t she walk on broken legs”. You sound like you are telling me is “why can’t people with PTSD do certain things”, “I don’t understand why paraplegics have such a hard time”. You have a fundamental misunderstanding of the level of damage that abuse causes a human being.
Please do not put “abuse survivors” in quotes like that, it has the taste of mockery and dismissal. And especially please do not use that in regards to Helena, because I am incredibly protective of her and she has been through absolute hell. The way you refer to what has been done to her, I don’t think you have any concept of the kind of trauma that results in a person. She was literally put in the hospital from her own mother’s beating, she grew up emotionally and mentally malnourished by being degraded and treated like garbage, she suffered back-breaking stress from the responsibility of taking care of and protecting her siblings, as well as the feeling put on her that she was the one at fault for her own abuse. Her life fell apart around her, and you think she should ‘get over herself’? You realize she is fifteen years old and she has been through more trauma than many of us will ever go through in our lives?
I want her to recover as well, but what you’re suggesting is the equivalent of telling someone who’s been hit by a truck to go home because lying in that hospital bed isn’t doing them any good. You can’t just spring back intoshape and get all better when you’ve literally never known emotional health or
peace in your life. She has struggled with deep depression and anxiety, she has
been abused in almost every way possible, she has been convinced by the people
who were supposed to take care of her that she’s a worthless fuckup, and you
think she needs a less gentle confrontation to get over herself?
don’t mean to sound harsh, but you need to learn some compassion and empathy.
You need to feel heartbroken for this girl, not impatient or frustrated. You
need to want to give her a hug while she cries out her pain, not want to shove
her into your ignorant pre-determined notion of what recovery looks like. You need
to want to protect her from more abuse, more pain, more suffering, not be
another person telling her she’s not doing good enough.
You need to want to help her heal, not forcibly “fix” her.
Do not judge an abuse
victim or the way they react until you have yourself experienced that same
abuse, until you have felt helpless and terrified and worthless. And do not
ever tell them to get over themselves or I will have to kick your ass.