'Tis But a Scratch

Character: Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

Summary: it’s funny, just read it plz

Requested: by a lovely anon (PS thank you so much for requesting this I love Wade so much) also there is no smut in this, I just wasn’t feeling it today, but you can bet your ass that after seeing the movie tomorrow I’m going to post some super heavy, super dirty Wade smut, be prepared.

Warnings: none

Words: 1185

(Y/n) watched on in mild curiosity as the jagged knife seared through both of his arms, slicing through them so cleanly that she just knew the weapons had to be coated in something, there was no other way they’d saw through the red and black suit and his thick muscles in one swipe otherwise.

“B-but I just cut your arm off, how are you still-“

“’Tis but a scratch!”
“I cut your arm off!”

“It’s just a flesh wound!” Deadpool cried; she could hear the grin in his voice, though it was slightly strained.

That goddamn idiot, what was he even doing?

The opposition’s face was horror stricken, his skin pale and mouth gaping open, but he continued, jabbing the sword forward again, nicking off his ear.

“Right I’ll do you for that! Come here! I’m invincible!”

They were acting like children, not professionally trained killers, and really Deadpool, it was not a good time to be quoting Monty Python. Honestly, did she have to do everything?

She stood from her crouching position and fired a single bullet that passed straight through the attackers eye, watching with disgust as he crumpled to the ground, blood trickling from his red stained lips.

“Well that’s no fun, is it?” he whined, stomping his foot on the grey sidewalk.

The night was cold and shivers licked their way up her spine, dark sky clinging to their figures and painting them in shadows, she was surprised no one had called the cops yet after all the commotion he’d caused, but then again, they were in downtown New York, so it shouldn’t have been that much of a shock.

“Just grab your arms and get in the car Deadpool, there’s a season of the Flash and pizza calling my name,” she rolled her eyes, flouncing towards the black sedan.

“But I don’t have any arms to grab my arms with!”

The girl let out a low groan, grumbling something about “stupid anti-heroes” under her breath.


The room was stained in blood. Red coated practically every surface aside from the strikingly clean counter with a plethora of medical equipment. They were in (y/n)’s “medical room” as she had so fondly named it. Being an agent wasn’t the worlds safest job after all and measures had to be taken to ensure that a) she remained alive and b) she didn’t get blood all over the carpet in the rest of the house (which as she discovered was exceedingly hard to remove). The mercenary beside her fidgeted lightly, white eyes darting down to the two arms she was currently holding. He honestly had no idea how she wasn’t freaking out right now, just calmly holding the appendages.

“You going to dress up as a sexy nurse yet babe?” he couldn’t help but titter out, but regretted immediately afterwards and she gave him a short slap to the face with-

“Did you just hit me with my own arm?”

She sighed through her nose and pushed gently on his chest, forcing him to lean against the counter, and with more delicacy than before, held his arms to their respective sockets so they could reattach. Perks of regeneration. However, despite the mercenary’s multitude of healing capabilities, it didn’t reduce the pain.

He removed his now reattached hands from hers, resting them on her waist, which was tiny in comparison to his grip. For once in his life, the merc was silent. He seemed completely enraptured.


“Take your shirt off.”

“What! No, not a good idea, anyways, I don’t do that until the third date, well or the first, if they’re hot, maybe even without a date but-no that’s not the point, I mean, no. I’m not taking it off,” he rambled, mask morphing into various facial expressions ((y/n) still had no idea how he did that and made a mental note to ask about it later).

“If you don’t, you’ll just heal with the material still inside you, which is going to be a real bitch to get out later,” she was relentless, quickly grabbing a knife and cutting away at the material, ignoring his protests.

She’d seen his chin and his hands, but nothing else. Despite his cocky demeanour, and his unbelievably perfect body, he was remarkably ashamed of his skin. He hated it. (Y/n) on the other hand couldn’t give a rat’s ass. She’d seen enough scars in her time, thinking back she remembered Logan’s words from when she was training with the X-Men,

“He was a pretty boy before Stryker fucked him up, brought the sap real low.”

She sighed and smoothed a hand over his now clean chest. Scars or not, he was gorgeous. His skin looked slightly raw, puckered up and whitish pink, but nowhere near as bad as he made it out to be. And underneath the surprisingly soft skin were thick, hard muscles that were currently writhing under her hand as he attempted to pull away.

“I just reattached your arms you nitwit, like some scars would do any harm, you’re beautiful Wade, I just wish you could see that too,” she sighed.

She could see the faint outline of his lips underneath his mask as they curved up into a smirk. The moment was ruined entirely as he spoke (which is not an unusual occurrence as it happens):

“Shall you compare me to a summers day?”
“I’ll compare you to an ass.”
“As long as it’s Captain America’s, I’m all for it.”

She rolled her eyes and with a quick yank pulled his mask from his face.

Large, doe like chocolate brown eyes stared back at her, confused and slightly angry he leaned forwards, fingers clenching around her waist before she pressed herself onto him, moulding their lips together.

His mouth was rough, but his tattered lips still tasted sweet and he knew exactly what to do with that tongue of his (she was certain it was from all the talking he did). Their bodies crashed together, hard chest pressed to her soft one, hips grinding before he hoisted her up onto the counter, forcing her knees apart and pressing himself between them.

“Fuck Wade,” she moaned out, head now tilted back bearing her long neck as he placed hot open mouthed kissed down it.

She wasn’t sure where all this had come from, but she sure as hell wasn’t complaining. To be honest, she’d always had a thing for the mouthy anti-hero, he was smart, witty and underneath all his bullshit, a semi decent human being. Plus the constant flirting from his end did nothing to help her growing attraction.

“Hey (y/n) we got another mission brie- WHAT THE HELL!” there was a loud, deep scream from the doorway and the two whipped their heads towards it, greeted with the sight of a horrified Tony.

“Surprise?” she cringed.

Wade chuckled at her, pressing his lips back to her collarbone and continuing, completely ignoring the flustered Tony who was ranting to their left.

He left shortly after realising neither of them were going to stop and he most certainly did not want to see any of that.

More Deadpool getting stabbed a whole lot.  It’s a specialty of mine ;)
If anyone’s looking to get on my sketch list for NYCC, I’m starting a pre-con reservation list.  Contact me through my website here
I’m going to limit the list to 15 entries for now, just so that I don’t overwhelm myself, so get while the gettin’s good!