just tried out a new coloring

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Voltron SuperheroAU

In which Shiro and Kuro are brothers and try to defend their city from Galra Industries and its evil mastermind Zarkon. Have some HCs for this AU:

  • They both got captured by Galra Industries and were experimented on in order to make some kind of super soldiers *coughcoughbuckybarnescough* out of them, losing their arms in the process.
  • After that Shiro could escape, but couldn’t take Kuro with him.
  • Injured and desperate to save his brother, Shiro turns to the only person he thinks he can still trust: Keith. Who later reveals himself as a Paladin of Voltron, a group of people with special abilities/superpowers who fight Zarkon.
  • Shiro joins the Paladins and finds himself confronted with Kuro during one of their missions. Kuro got brainwashed and works as a special agent for Galra Industries.
  • After countless fights the Paladins are ready to give up on recovering Kuro, who still tries to kill his own brother, but gets more and more confused by slowly regaining some of his memories.
  • Shiro finally gets a hold of his brother and is able to convince him to fight alongside Voltron. Kuro accepts the offer but isn’t ready to become a Paladin, just yet, so he works solo most of the time.
  • They meet up here and there to get eachother up to date.
  • Also: sheith and luro happen.

So.. Uh… Yeah. Let’s just say I had way too much fun with this. xD It started out as just a sketch for some new outfits… But then the colors kinda escalated. I couldn’t stop it. And then I started imagining these two in a superheroAU… And yeah…. Guess I’m into that now.

When I saw Shiemi’s room design in the recent manga chapters I died.

100+ kpop songs you should be listening to

underrated male group version

a.cian: driving, touch, ouch

alpha:bat: tantara/ttanttara, ab city, oh my gosh!

beatwin: stalker, illusion, your girl, she’s my girl

b.i.g: taola, aphrodite, hello, between night n music, are you ready?

boyfriend: obession, janus, bounce, witch, white day, boyfriend, on&on, i yah

boys republic: video game, get down, the real one, dress up, hello

boys24: bop (live), time leap (live), yolo! (live), 24, rising star, candy shop (live), starlight (live)

b1a4: tried to walk, what’s happening, lonely

cross gene: play with me, holiday, mister secret, amazing - bad lady, noona, you

day6: sing me, congratulations, habits, first time, blood, colors, letting go

halo: surprise, while you’re sleeping, come on now, 마리야/Mariya

history: might just die, queen, psycho, what am i to you, lost, wild boy

hotshot: take a shot, midnight sun, watch out, rain on me

imfact: troublemaker, shine, lollipop

inx: alright

jjcc: fire, today, where you at

knk: back again, knock, i remember, angel heart

madtown: yolo, new world, emptiness, omgt

monsta x: stuck, amen, all in, blue moon, hero, sweetheart, perfect girl, gone bad

myname: too very so much, just tell me, message, just that little thing, day by day

nu’est: face, love paint, overcome, sleep talking, i’m bad

n.flying: awesome, lonely, heartbreak

romeo: nightmare, target, miro, treasure

snuper: shall we dance, you=heaven, platonic love, 4th dimensional angel

speed: look at me now, don’t tease me, why i’m not, hey ma lady

uniq: falling in love (chinese/english), eoeo, best friend

up10tion: tonight, so dangerous, attention, catch me

voisper: in your voice, summer cold

2

5.19.16+12:55pm // 55/100 days of productivity // here’s this week’s spread! spiced it up with bold-colored magazine cutouts and tried out some new lettering and doodles. good luck to everyone taking finals in the coming weeks, just in case i won’t be able to see you until then!

→ gumdrops & lollipops (m)

pairing → Hoseok x Reader (ft. oompa loompa! yoongi & jimin)

☆ genre  →  smut, crack, willy wonka!au
↳  drabble; 2k

→   a visit to jung hoseok’s chocolate factory does not turn out the way you expected it to

a/n → yo, i was finally drunk enough to write this 
i won’t @ her bc she might block me, but jordan is 101% responsible for this. by this i mean the concept, the cute banner, everything. blame her :’‘)

Keep reading

He Doesn’t Deserve You

Summary: You move into your new apartment and have an awkward run in with your neighbor, making a very interesting first impression.

Warnings: angst, sexual tension (minor), smut, Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader

A/N: I have so many drabbles to write but I needed a break and I thought this up. I was going to make this into a series but I didn’t wanna start another one so I just wrote it as a long fic (hence why it’s a little jumpy / fast paced). If you guys like this I can write a short series similar to this story (with some changes). Just let me know.


You looked around your new apartment, it was fully decorated with your things and it filled you with utter joy. You sighed as you sat on your bed, popping open a bottle of wine to let it breathe, waiting for your friends to show up. A knock on your door sent you flying towards it.

“Courtney! Michelle!” You swung the door open with a proud grin on your face. “How do you like the place?” 

“It’s so cute!” Michelle shrieked as she brushed passed you, taking in her surroundings. 

“Hmmm, not enough Star Wars decor.” Courtney followed Michelle, chuckling as she passed the hanging pictures of you guys from college.

“Raegan couldn’t make it?” You cocked an eyebrow, worried for your newly engaged friend. “She too busy with Noah?”

“Technically, she’s planning the wedding and driving him nuts.” Michelle giggled and poured herself a glass of wine. “Now, let’s get this pizza eating, wine drinking, and Netflix bingeing started!” 

Four episodes into the first season of Grey’s Anatomy and the three of you were blabbering, laughing, drunk idiots. You were shouting at the tv, telling the characters that they were doing regretful, silly things. You were voted the door answerer when a loud banging echoed in your apartment. 

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The Stupid Bag (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Rriipppp

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and turned just in time to see most of your books cascade to the floor. It was the fifth time in three days that this had happened and he honestly didn’t understand why you wouldn’t just buy a new bag. Instead, you insisted on repeatedly casting Reparo multiple times a day. Talk about a waste of time and magic. He watched in disdain as a group of sixth and seventh year boys began to crowd around you eagerly trying to offer you their assistance. His eyes narrowed at a particularly bold one who actually dared to put a hand on your arm.

“Keep that expression on your face and you’ll get permanent wrinkles, you know.” Pansy said from next to him. He leveled a glare at her before smoothing out his aristocratic features. “Malfoy’s don’t get wrinkles.” He sniffed while Pansy merely rolled her eyes in boredom. “Come on, class starts in five.”  She said pulling on his arm. “And stop pining after her for Salazar’s sake, it’s unbecoming of you.” She smirked. Draco’s protests were lost in the crowd as their professor arrived just in time to usher them into Transfigurations. Pining? Since when has he ever pined? He doesn’t pine. Pansy can shove it.

Keep reading

8

Star Boys ⭐ ~ step-by-step process of >this< piece (^   v ^) <3 click through for minor captions!

since Tumblr can only hold eight photos, here’s my process reduced to eight steps. there’s a lot more fussing and changing and adjusting that goes in, but this feels like a good overview.

and here’s some bonus back story! X3 hehe~ i was really frustrated with my work last week… i honestly felt like maybe it was just time to move on and do something totally different. like it was just time to pack in my character work and go back to being a graphic designer. i kept starting new things over and over and over again and throwing them away. i felt very defeated. i was drowning my sorrows in coke zero and k-pop videos when i decided to just draw some self indulgent garbage to make myself feel better, regardless of how it might turn out looking. and i had no idea that it’d turn into this! XD

so when you’re thinking~ “why Pidgy… why did you dress those beautiful boys so stupidly?!?!” (7O  [  ]O)7 it was the k-pop dood! i was under the influence! have you seen the ridiculous/awesome clothes they wear?!?!? it’s FABULOUS! and i didn’t start drawing this thinking that i’d ever post it! HAHAHA!!! but it just worked out so smoothly! (O  v O) <3 and i felt myself feeling again like i knew i could - and new i wanted to - improve! I AIN’T GIVING UP YET!!!! (>   A <)

so yeah… (^   v ^);;; it’s a bit silly, and very colorful! hahaha! but~ i really tried my best to do new things and put my best foot forward… so i hope some of you enjoy it! i still have so much more i want to do! (O    w O) <3 <3 <3

…But now, says another Swift source, she’s preparing for her big return. “Taylor’s been quietly recording new music for a couple of months,” says the source. “She’s aiming to release an album this fall.”

True to form, she’s kept her plans private. To put together her upcoming disc — sure to be loaded with references to her 15-month union with Harris and her three-month romance with Hiddleston — Swift booked time at an out-of-the-way spot. Says a source, “She hasn’t been in any of the bigger studios in Nashville, New York, L.A. or London.”



She’s sticking to the tried-and-true when it comes to the actual music, however. “She’s continuing down the pop route,” a source says of the onetime country singer, “because 1989 was a huge success and fans really gravitated toward that album.”

Continues the source, “She knows there’s a demand for a new album and has really started focusing on making that happen for fans. She’s just excited to get back out there.

—  Taylor’s working on a new album readying for a fall release (Us Weekly)

anonymous asked:

can i request a shy tony fic? like the team finding out how freaking shy tony really is after they move in together? basically tony being really shy and self-concious about many everyday things. he's not the talkative, self-confident playboy they thought he was, he is the contrary and it wakes up the instinct to protect and treasure in them.

i’ve snet you a shy tony prompt and now i realize that i forgot to add sensitive to the list. because let’s be honest that boy is really sensitive and emotional.

Natasha actually knows that Tony is shy af because of previous spying on him. She thinks it’s cute but she’ll help him out anyway because she knows he’s sensitive. <3 (Basically she’s a Natasha and Jan (from AvAc) hybrid.) Look out for under the cut!


Tony heard voices in the kitchen and slowed to a stop outside the doorway. The voices… sounded pleasant enough. And it was his house. And he was Tony Stark. There was no reason not to go in. Except that he was wearing yesterday’s clothes and he was pretty sure he had oil in his hair. Should he go shower first? He should probably go shower first.

He turned and let out a tiny noise of terror when he found Natasha standing behind him. “Eep!”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, then looked him up and down. “…You look fine.”

Tony lifted his hand, then stopped halfway to his head, self-conscious. “I don’t—have oil in my hair?”

“You do, but I’m pretty sure they kind of expect you to be a mess.”

Keep reading

(yes I made the banner in MSpaint don’t judge me)

Here is the long awaited list of Art Tips I mentioned a few days ago! These are Mostly things I’ve learned to help me improve this year. Let me know what you think, or if you have any questions!

  1. Set “practice” goals. Give yourself specific goals, but always word them as ‘practice’ not ‘improve’. Improvement takes time and can be difficult to attain. Meeting a goal to practice things is significantly easier and more rewarding. Improvement happens with practice and you’ll see it later on. Be specific with your goals. For example: “Practice Angry Expressions!”

  2. Give yourself a solid time frame for your goal. Define exact dates. It could be a week, two weeks, even a month. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

  3. Do Studies. Studies are a series of sketches, doodles, paintings, etc.. Done following research, usually looking at a photo or physical reference. I usually fill a whole page with quick, haphazard sketches of what I’m studying. If you’re studying birds, fill a whole page with birds, or hands. They don’t have to be good, they aren’t meant to be perfect. It’s just to get the idea on paper to help you form the visual on paper and in your hand.

  4. Change your goal as soon as you feel ready, after your last one. If you feel you’ve completed your goal, feel free to wait as long as you like, but it’s a good idea to have a list of goals so you aren’t left floundering for one. (Since it’s always harder to think of something when you NEED to.) For example: Angry expressions, Faces at low angles, two-point perspective, cool color schemes. It’s easier to move forward with a list of your own making, than leaving yourself hanging.

  5. Thumbnail. I can not say this enough! Before jumping into a big project, you’ll want to get in the habit of doing thumbnail sketches beforehand. No bigger than 2 or 3 inches, I usually fill a page with them. Thumbnailing can help you figure out how to get that posing just right. Or how you want your composition aligned. Small quick sketches of the different ways you could do things, to find how you want to do things.

  6. You can trace your own sketches. That’s right. It took me twenty years to figure out I could just trace my own sketch onto another sheet of paper to make lineart and do color so I didn’t fuck up my sketch. Digital artist, you can use a new layer over your sketch. Traditionally though, THIS IS HOW YOU DON’T FUCK UP YOUR SKETCH. (also if you trace very lightly it erases way better than trying to erase a full sketch. If you’ve never tried to color over a partially erased sketch it is hell.)

  7. Use References. You’d be surprised how many young artists out there think using references is wrong, or cheating. Let me tell you something. Did Leonardo Da Vinci have a reference for the Mona Lisa? You bet your ass he did. As far as I know he had at least two! All the great masters knew to use references. Actually looking at the thing you’re trying to recreate is the easiest way to master it. If you can’t find a reference for something, look for something that looks similar. Having a concept of what you want is quintessential to improvement. Hell, keep a whole folder of references. Hold onto them to fall back on later. Use them to their full extent.

  8. Draw at an angle. For traditional artists, drawing flat on a desk can often result in disproportionate drawings. Things farther away from the the eye tend to look smaller so things on the farther side of the paper can end up enlarged to compensate for our own eyes perspective of the paper. Drawing at an angle fixes this problem. It brings the paper into a better angle for your face. (I just lean my drawing board on top of a box of staples. It works lol)

  9. Watch other artists. Written tutorials are a phenomenal resource to many artists. But Video tutorials are some of the most helpful things in the world. Video tutorials can show you, in real time, how it’s done. Actually seeing it happen can really help. (I watch hours of tutorials and speedpaints. I just let them play in the background while I draw.)

  10. Try different materials. I’m not gonna lie, I loved digital art. But it just didn’t work for me. I discovered copic markers and my art has improved so much with a material that I feel more in-tune with. So experiment. Borrow from your friends, try new things in school, in art clubs. Whenever. Sometimes, you just need to try something different, to discover something that works better for you.

  11. DON’T. STOP. DRAWING. You don’t have to be churning out a completed piece every week. No. But you should always doodle, sketch, scribble. Hell, even if you just scribble out some squiggly lines, you’ve done something! You don’t have to share with the world. Just. Don’t. Stop.

anonymous asked:

How did you meet your amazing girlfriend?

I’ve been sitting on this ask for some time trying to figure out the way to say this, so I suppose I will just tell the story as it happened.


I won’t be posting her URL here because I don’t want to send thousands of eyes to scour her blog, but we’ve been mutuals for something like a year, and always had crushes on each other, flirted a ton online, etc. But she lives very far away from me and this, of course, is a major obstacle, so we never made plans to act on that at all. She messaged me one day to say she’d be in town for a day or two on a family trip, and I brought up hooking up if she was interested, although I was such a nervous baby about it that I think I ACTUALLY said, “Hey we should make out or something if you want.” We agreed to meet, go to my place together, have a lot of sex, and make some sourdough because why not?  So in the days before meeting 1) I tried a new recipe and tested it out to ensure it would be good enough and 2) we sexted a ton (she’s good at this and also? world’s best Snapchat snapper) and just got to know each other really well, too, and I found out that we have all sorts of weird little things in common- we want the same number of kids, we want the same color Le Creuset oven, we like and dislike the same kinds of fruits, she has been making jam for several years and I have been making bread for several years, etc- and each of us made several obviously-not-regular-hookup comments about the other being :) the woman :) of our :) dreams :) and how ohhhh gosh if only she didn’t live so far away we’d totally be dating!


She made it to the coffeeshop where I work, and I saw her coming in the door, thought, “WOW she is prettier than I expected” and immediately pretended not to see her/to be very QUICKLY taking some trash to the back of house to go get myself settled. I put on what was apparently a very good -I am totally chill and not going to die- face, sat beside her, made some conversation about her trip up, blah blah, sexted for several hours while I was closing up shop, and decided we would catch a ride from a bar across the street from my job because I MAY have skipped out on a meeting to go fuck this really hot woman and didn’t want it to be super obvious. So I closed up like normal, went to go meet her at the bar, and she kissed me several times while waiting for the car because she was too excited to wait. Then we got home, made bread, and had really incredible sex during which she came 13 (THIRTEEN) times before I stopped counting :) :) :) And when she left I did my best to pretend not to be sad, but it didn’t work because she asked, “Are you sad?” and when I said “Oh! I didn’t think you could tell!” she proceeded to mimic my posture, which was hands-in-my-pockets, slumped over, and forlornly gazing at the ground because I’d had a really genuinely magical time with her.


The main thing is really that the second we met I just felt an instant sort of “WOW I’d like to keep this one around” feeling that I know from a lot of dating is extremely rare and really special, and I think there were lots of moments during our first date that were very much not regular hookup/hangout moments, like we each called the other sweetie more than once, spent…an absurd amount of time staring into each others’ gay eyes, held hands a lot more than would be normal for a hookup, etc. I think it took her a few hours after she left to really realize she was feeling the same thing, but every now and again you meet someone and it just feels right and natural and comfortable instantly, and you just MESH well, and that’s really what happened. So in the next few days we sort of talked things over and decided to give this thing a shot. And I’m glad we did! Sometimes you have to do the very stupid, very silly, very wild 20something thing to do and just go for it because you think you could find something really special and worth it. I think I just sort of thought, “No this isn’t the most logical thing in the world but I know how rare this feeling is and if I can, I don’t plan to let it go because of something like distance.” So now we’re girlfriends and I couldn’t be happier about it- she’s really wonderful and sweet and makes me incredibly happy and I’m so proud to be, as my blog is titled, Her Butch. She’s the best coincidence I’ve ever encountered, and I’m so glad that she came through the city at just the right time and on just the right day and we talked just often enough beforehand for her to tell me she’d be in town, because I honestly didn’t think I was capable of feeling this way again and she’s been a wonderful addition to my life. She’s a pretty excellent girlfriend and I’m more excited than I can say to kiss her again.

I got new sketch markers(at a really good price too!) and I’ve been experimenting with them and trying to figure out the best ways to work with them and I drew your lovely little blue raspberry bean :D i tried with the glitches and I mean the colors mixed and I got those nasty ark edges but other than that, I’m proud of it! 

Anyways, I really love your comic, I love the whole storytelling style you have incorporated into it, and I love the art and design and gahh I just love Fatal_Error <3

Xedra’s Notes:

Originally posted by mrpunk2u

HHHHHHHH THIS IS SO GORGEOUS and just ACK THE COLORS

AND YOUR LINEART AND JUST all the DETAIL AND HHHHHHH <3

This is so super lovely and so are you :’D Thank you for drawing him and for the very kind words :’3 *hug*

5

Thank you Anonymous for the request!

#19: I tried to make a full body image for Ravein in the middle there, but ultimately just couldn’t. I’d rather she fit in the image properly than cover up Radar above her. Rain’s design is probably my favorite of them all, but Ravein is a close second!

Also I tried out a new coloring method and I think I like it more than the others. More vibrant and colorful!

DannyMay Day Eleven: Gray/Colors

…She was always by herself. After being kicked out of the A-list she just isolated herself. She never tried to make any new friends. I tried to be nice and invite her over to hang but I guess she’s still distrustful of other’s intentions.

Besides she likes my best friend.

Keep reading

TECHNICOLOR {part 1}

People always raved about finding their soulmate, but not just because it meant that they had found their one true love. It was because it made the world technicolor. You spent your life dreaming about what these colors were, living through a black and white haze, while people who had found their soulmates spoke on and on about these mixtures of colors you had no idea what they looked like. When your world became technicolored, that meant that you had seen your one true love in person. Suddenly, everything that once was a shade of gray, black, or white, now had splashes of greens, reds, yellows, and every other color under the sun.

You dreamt of that day, but you also didn’t let your life be hindered by the lack of color. You enjoyed your black and white lifestyle. Listened to music, made friends, and enjoyed being alive, but everyone always talked about how they wished to find their soulmate so their world would become emboldened with vibrancy. Sighing, you listened to your friend go on and on, she had recently been at the market, when she say a guy and her world changed.

Y/N, it’s so hard to describe! It’s like living in a new world! We are going to the movies tonight! She shrieked and you chuckled. Reina was always like that, she seemed to become over excited about every little thing, which is what you needed in your life. She was the positive ray of sunshine in your rather dull world, but now she had found her match and you knew that it meant she would slowly slip away.

Well I’m glad, Reina. I’m going to need to meet this extraordinary guy! You played the happy best friend as she squealed into the phone.

Oh, but I was supposed to go to the BTS concert with you tonight! She said with shock. I totally forgot! She exclaimed and you sighed. A concert alone just wouldn’t be any fun, but you had practically killed to get these tickets.

Uhm, it’s okay. I’m sure they’ll have a comeback. It’s not every day that you meet your soulmate! You tried to play it off, but you heard her sigh.

You’re still going right? She asked and you took in a quick breath. You wanted to go, but now you had lost your partner in crime. Y/N! You have to go! You love Bangtan! She stated the obvious. You rolled your eyes. You did love BTS, they were just the perfect fluffy group of guys that made your dreary world more vibrant with their music. You sighed again.

I don’t know. Concerts alone are no fun. You murmured, but Reina was not having it.

You’re going. She said sternly and you knew she would make you go, even if it meant her and Prince Charming were going to follow you to the arena. You nodded.

Fine fine. You mumbled and she giggled in the receiver.

As you got ready, you wondered why you were going alone. Slipping on a simple gray tank crop top, ripped jeans, your Adidas shoes, and a baseball cap, you looked like the most chill fan ever. As you walked into the arena, you saw millions of Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi, and V t-shirts. You shook your head as you clipped your simple Hobi pin to the waistline of your jeans and walked in, handing the guard your ticket. As girls screamed and cried around you, you sneakily took a swig from your flask. If I’m going alone, I am at least bringing a little liquid courage. You mumbled to yourself as you took another gulp. The warmth of the alcohol seemed to wash over you, as you heard the music start to play.

You had paid for front row tickets, so you sat with an empty seat beside you, while fans pushed to get closer to the stage. As each of the guys came out, you felt your eyes scan the stage for your bias.

J-Hope. You heard Namjoon scream into the mic and your eyes widened as he ran onto stage. He seemed to scan the crowd, then like magnets your eyes met.

You blinked a couple times because the world started to change shades. The black and white scene that laid before you was now morphing into something completely different. Bursts of colors you had never seen before seemed to splash into view as your eyes blinked fervently.

What the fuck is going on? You asked yourself as you looked up at the stage. The lights were changing colors, it was all too much to really grasp.

Hobi? You heard Jimin’s voice ring through the speakers and everyone seemed to go quiet as Hobi blinked quickly. Hobi hyung, are you okay? He whispered to his elder who grasped Jimin’s arm.

Uhm, I can see color. Hobi murmured into Jimin’s ear and Jimin’s eyes went wide.

You saw your soulmate?! He asked quickly and Hobi looked around the stadium.

I must have, but how the fuck do I find her? He asked frantically while Jungkook and Namjoon tried to distract from the scene.

Guys, we have a show, we will figure this out later. Yoongi said as he ushered them back to their places on stage. Hobi looked around the large arena, in complete awe at the world he was now seeing. Various colors and a rainbow of lights graced the stage as Hobi went through the routines and songs. He wanted to drink in the sight, but he constantly skimmed the audience to see where his soulmate might be, this was a sold out show, so finding you was going to be difficult.

You walked out of the arena, you head spinning from everything new. You scrunched your eyes closed as you tried to calm your breathing. Pulling out your phone, you dialed Reina.

Hello? Her voice rang in the other end and you sighed.

Reina, I can see in color. You murmured and heard her gasp.

Wait, you found your soulmate at the concert?! What’s he like?! She asked and you shook your head.

I don’t know, I don’t know who it is. You mumbled and she went silent. I was just looking at the stage as they announced the guys and then boom! Everything changed. You explained and she took in a sharp inhale.

Y/N, you know what this means right? She asked and you shook your head, trying to wrack your brain of what she might be thinking.

One of the Bangtan Boys is your soulmate.

1 - Language

My mother is from the southern part of the Philippines, and her main dialect she speaks in is Ilonggo. My father is from the northern part of the Philippines, and his main dialect he speaks in is Ilocano. In the house, my mother would talk to me in Ilonggo, my father in Ilocano, and to each other, in Tagalog.

If I could have a dollar for every time someone found out I knew Tagalog, Ilonggo, and Ilocano, but in the end, disappoint them… I’d be… pretty rich.

Things like “Say something from your language!” and “Teach me Filipino!” would always make its way into the conversation.

Truth is, if you had asked me that before the age of 4, I would have been able to say things when requests like that came up. I would talk to my parents and my relatives in those languages, with a dash of English. But once I made my debut in schooling, it all changed.

I went to a predominantly white Catholic pre-school. There were a few more Asians in my class, but I was the only Filipino. Being exposed to… just English, for the whole day, was a new experience to me. If I had forgotten a word, it would be a struggle to talk. I would think long and hard just to figure out simple words, which earned strange looks from others.

I remember a time very vividly where I wore a colorful sweater to school one day, and when my teacher asked me where I got it from, I was stumped. My mind kept telling me “Oh, my tita gave it to me for a Christmas present!” but I knew that “tita” wasn’t English. I was silent while I tried to figure out what the English equivalent was, while my teacher stared at me the whole time, probably wondering what was wrong with me. In the end, I couldn’t remember the word “aunt”; I said “my cousins’ mom”. And I remember the tone of voice that my teacher used when she said the next two words.

“Your aunt?”

Yes. Of course. My aunt. How could I forget?

But her tone. It felt like… it felt like, “you’re in pre-school, you should know the words for family members by now”. But that’s the thing. I did know. I just didn’t know in English.

There were more times where it happened, but not just when I would talk to my teachers. It would happen a lot when I would talk to my classmates. I would say a word in Filipino, and it would confuse the others. It would continue on when I entered elementary school. Again, I would be the only Filipino. And that’s when I first heard that dreaded line.

“Speak English.”

I didn’t understand at all. I was speaking English… right? What put me below the others in my class, that they would command me in such a way?

From then onward, I remember just, dropping speaking any sort of Filipino. I thought, if I got rid of my language, I could be seen as equal with the others in my class. If I could speak English as well as the others, then I would fit in.

I would only talk to my family in English.

I was ashamed of knowing another language, because it created a divide between me and my classmates.

I was ashamed to the point that now, I can barely speak it. I can say phrases here and there, and I still use words to refer to people like “tita”, “lolo”, and “lola”, but in the end… Nothing. I still understand of course. I can understand it when people speak to me, I can read it, but speaking and writing… it won’t come to me. It doesn’t come to me anymore.

When people find out that I’m Filipino, that I know Filipino, I give them the warning that I cannot speak anymore. I can’t say what they want me to say. The disappointed look on their faces always hit me.

There was always something I wanted to say, but I never had the heart to say it.

“You may be disappointed, but think about my disappointment in myself.”

The disappointment I have in myself, to lose something of myself. To feel like I lost part of my culture. To feel like… I was in the in-between.

Especially in the most recent semesters, because I’m taking Japanese language classes. A lot of times, my professors ask the class if there are equivalents in other cultures of the things we learn in Japanese. Culture, I can talk about easily. But when it comes to equivalent words, I can’t contribute at all. 

Every day, it always feels like I’m stuck. I’m not “Filipino enough”, because I don’t know my own language. But at the same time, I don’t feel… just “American”. 

I don’t feel Filipino enough to be able to talk to my Filipino friends and family in Filipino.

I don’t feel American enough, because my life is deeply rooted in Filipino culture and heritage.

Filipino-American… that label just makes me feel empty. People have said that I shouldn’t think of it as 50% Filipino and 50% American, but think of it as 100% Filipino and 100% American. But it’s hard when there are gatekeepers on both sides. 

I know a lot of other second generation AAPI that feel the same way, of being stuck in-between. How we cursed ourselves for knowing another language, how we assimilated, how we regret it so much now, how we wish we still knew the language we grew up with.

How we feel like we lost part of our culture.

Sidlink headcannons, rapid fire round.

A bunch of small quick headcannons.

Link eats a lot, and I mean a lot, and gets really grump over Sidon not leaving him enough for seconds… or thirds.

Sidon purrs when cuddling.

Whenever Link can’t get Sidon’s attention from a grunt or noise he gives his head tail a little tug, like a child pulling their parent’s pant leg.

They sometimes go hunting together, Link uses a bow and Sidon is more like a bloodhound, sniffing out prey. He doesn’t have much advantage hunting on land and his large size and vivid color would make it hard to get close to animals without startling them.

They have little petty contests, like most boys do. Usually based around physical endurance and strength.

Sidon tries to flirt, but it just ends up adorably awkward.

Link collects Sidon’s lost teeth to make charms out of and sell, neither of them has a use for the teeth so they might as well do something with them.

Sidon likes nuzzling link’s hair, commenting things like “so soft~”

Sidon, being a zora, usually only ate fish, but Link keeps introducing him to new and better foods, when away from link he feels almost spoiled by link’s cooking when comparing it to his usual meals.

Winter is a hard season for Sidon to get to Hateno because the lakes and rivers start to freeze over, so link usually stays for longer visits in zora’s domain during the season.

Sidon wants a pet cat, after never really seeing zoras have pets and one of the Hateno villager’s cats got out he was memorized by the concept of having one. He begs link for one like a little kid, link thinks its a bad idea.

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had another derma episode !! either last night or the night b4 (what’s new!) and i’m just living in the now, rocking my acne scars out on the town :-)