just thought i ought to tell you

Eggsy dropped his fork, a cheek full of medium rare steak pushed to the side of his mouth as he spoke unclearly around it. “So, you dying or what?”

Harry lowered his fork down slowly. “Excuse me?”

Eggsy swallowed the steak down with a loud gulp. “You’ve been acting weird all fucking night.”

Harry tried not to look as taken aback as he felt. “I’m not sure I understand what you-”

“No, no, no,” the younger man interrupted. “Don’t you pull that shit with me.”

“I’m not-”

Harry shut his mouth as Eggsy pointed the steak knife at him harmlessly, but accusingly. “You asked me out to dinner because you wanted to tell me something and we’ve literally been talking about fuck all. You even brought up the weather.” He raised his eyebrows with pointed emphasis. “The fucking weather.”

“I just thought you ought to know that the forecast tomorrow sounds rather bleak, is all,” he muttered defensively.

“I’ll be sure to commit that to long term memory,” he replied sarcastically with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “So what is it then? You firing me? You retiring as Arthur? What?”

Harry sighed and rubbed the scar above his brow bone. “It’s to do with Valentine-”

Eggsy threw his steak knife down with a dramatic clang against Harry’s pristine white plates. “I fuckin’ knew it! You have a brain tumour, don’t you? Fuckin’ Valentine, I shoulda killed that motherfuc-”

“No Eggsy-”

“Christ, does anyone know?”

“I don’t-”

“D'you even have long lef-”

“Today is Valentine’s Day!” Harry all but yelled.

Eggsy blinked. “What?”

Harry paused and took a deep breath. “I asked you to dinner because it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Eggsy’s expression was curiously blank.

“I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with you,” Harry explained.

Eggsy’s apparent inability to process this information was beginning to feel unnerving.

“I wanted you to be my valentine,” Harry tried.

The silence was terrible.

A slow sort of understanding began to dawn on Eggsy’s features. “Just to clarify, you’re not dying?”

Harry gave a weak smile as he attempted to retreat into his dining chair. “Only of crippling embarrassment, I assure you.”

molly-hooper-uk  asked:

You're telling the waiter what we want to eat and pointing at a typo in the menu, and now you're making mention that this typo is probably on all the menus in the restaurant and you just thought they ought to know that. Meanwhile, I'm just sat across from you thinking, 'What a terribly handsome devil he is, this Sherlock Holmes'. ♥

And now I’m smirking quietly at my phone and in a few moments, when you check your messages, you’ll see this and know why. 

Well, off the top of my head, all I can think is….

  1. He was picking up shopping for someone else with their vouchers
  2. The money was someone else’s
  3. It’s none of your fucking business
  4. Both the cash and the voucher were his and he chose to use the vouchers for food
  5. It’s absolutely none of your fucking business
  6. Some other combination because you know nothing about his circumstances
  7. It’s. None. Of. Your. Fucking. Business.

But that’s just off the top of my head.