just the cop shows and stuff

oh my god storytime because the funniest shit happened tonight

so background info, i work for a theater that does programs at schools and tonight was our last show of alice in wonderland at a middle school so we had to clear out the set and costumes and everything as soon as the show was finished. normally we rent a uhaul truck but for some reason tonight our manager got a van instead. ANYWAY…

my coworker drove the van over to the school and was running the concessions stand. after intermission he closed up the stand and was like “hey i’m gonna go bring this extra candy and stuff to the van and then i’ll bring the van around so we can load it up easier.” and then he just disappeared for the rest of the show and the rest of us were sitting around like ????

finally he returns just as the show is finished and goes “i got pulled over.”

turns out, a cop was hanging around by the school. and the streets around this school are all one-way, so when my coworker tried finding a more convenient spot to park and had no luck he had to circle back around the whole school. so a cop watched this dude in a van circling a middle school and found that suspicious.

and when he pulled my coworker over to ask what he was doing, he apparently didn’t believe my coworker’s explanation about what he was doing circling a middle school with a van and so told him to open up the back. which, of course, had nothing but candy in it.

tl;dr my coworker was nearly arrested for being a pedophile tonight and i’m fucking dying.

anonymous asked:

I've just finished watching iasip and I feel so bad... this show was my savior in the exam period, and the only point of my day I actually looked forward to for months.... do you have any other (perhaps similar?) shows you like and could recommend to a troubled soul? :(

well i’m not sure about similar (i actually…. don’t watch a lot of comedy shows tbh) but i can recommend you some of the stuff i’ve been watching lately/some old favorites! i’ll try to go for stuff that’s lighter in tone though since it seems like that’s the sort of thing you’re looking for

  • i just finished breakout kings yesterday and REALLY enjoyed it! it’s a procedural cop show about a team of prisoners who were high-profile runaways, assembled under 2 us marshals to track down and capture OTHER prison runaways. it’s only 2 seasons (and the second season is only ten episodes bc it got canceled midseason…..) so if you’re looking for something relatively short then it’s pretty good! it can very much fall into that lighthearted “criminal-a-week” dramedy formula that all procedural cop shows seem to have, but the characters are all really fun and interesting, and it’s neat to see how they interact with one another. i will say though that the series ends on a cliffhanger so maybe don’t watch it if that’s gonna bother you. it’s on us netflix, idk about other countries
  • it’s not necessarily….. light and happy……. but hbo’s westworld is QUITE a fucking show. in the year 2058, the company delos has built westworld, a theme park populated by robotic cowboy “hosts” that are so advanced and lifelike, they don’t even realize that they’re not human. rich people come to westworld on vacation to play cowboy, which usually means a lot of killing and violence. when a new update to the hosts’ AI rolls out across the park, it sparks an interesting “glitch” that sets all kinds of stories and events into motion. 10 episodes, but each one is an hour long, so you’re getting your time’s worth with this one. it’s very cerebral and thought-provoking while also being entertaining on a more basic level, so i heartily recommend it!
  • if you’re not watching it already, the mick is SO fucking good and especially if you’re looking for something similar to sunny! i don’t think any legitimate streaming sites are hosting it yet but you can find it online pretty easily. it’s about this trainwreck of a woman named mickey who comes to visit her rich snobby sister for money the same day said sister and her husband are arrested for credit card fraud? leaving mickey behind in this bougie ass neighborhood to take care of her sister’s three kids. obviously it’s gonna be similar to sunny considering like…. most of the production staff came from sunny, but it feels different enough to stand on its own two legs. contrary to how it was initially portrayed, mickey is pretty damn different than dee, so it doesn’t really feel like you’re just watching a sunny au
  • the mindy project is decent from what i’ve seen of it! i won’t lie i’m That Person who just skipped around to watch glenn and rob’s episodes but it stands pretty well on its own too. mindy kaling plays mindy, an ob/gyn just trying to make it on her own in the big city? she wants to open up her own practice but there’s a lot of things that get in the way of it, not least of which all of her wacky coworkers. i wouldn’t really go so far as to say i’m a fan but it’s certainly enjoyable enough from what i’ve seen
  • portlandia is a sketch comedy show that i like a lot! all the sketches are based on like…. weird shit one might expect to find in portland, oregon. idk how else to describe it but it’s a good and fun time
  • speaking of sketch comedy shows, i also recently found out that i really enjoy loiter squad? it’s a sketch comedy show starring tyler the creator and the rest of odd future. regardless of how you feel about their music they’re REALLY funny to watch in this show. some of the sketches can be a little base or “stoner comedy” for my tastes but it does have several genuinely funny moments in it as well
  • this one’s kind of an outlier in the list so far, but if you like animated shows, scooby-doo: mystery incorporated is OUTSTANDING, and probably in my top 5 animated shows i’ve ever watched. it’s a…. i hesitate to say gritty? but kind of gritty reboot of scooby-doo. the characters and their personalities are all essentially the same, but they’re in high school, and instead of wandering the country in search of mysteries, mystery comes to them in their hometown, crystal cove, the “most hauntedest place on earth.” the writing is BRILLIANTLY funny, though, and there’s actually an overarching plot line connecting each episode to the next instead of it all being “monster-of-the-week” stuff that doesn’t matter. i was legitimately upset when i finished this series, because i wanted so badly for there to be more of it. more importantly, it was one of the first pieces of scooby-doo media to like, REALLY really put it out there that velma is gay.
  • on the topic of animated stuff…. if you like anime, puella magi madoka magica is one of my all-time favorites. it’s a short series, clocking in at 12 episodes and a movie, but god DAMN does it do a lot with that time. in it, madoka is a schoolgirl who just wishes she could do something important with her life. when she discovers that her world is full of monstrous witches and magical girls who fight them, she has to decide if she wants to become a magical girl herself. it can be a very depressing show and more than a little confusing, though, so it’s probably not the best thing to watch if you want something cheerful.
  • finally, i really enjoyed the digimon anime in most of its incarnations. if you wanna give this one a try, DEFINITELY spring for the subs, because the (english) dub is horrific and almost painfully childish to sit through as an adult. each season of it is more or less self-contained, so you don’t have to sit though every episode of it if you don’t want to! the basic plot set-up in each season is the same, though– there are talking, intelligent monsters called digimon living in a parallel world inside our computers, and certain humans have the ability/privilege to form partnerships with these digimon and travel on adventures with them. my personal favorite seasons are season 1 adventure/season 2 adventure 02 (these two ARE related, so if you wanna watch 02 you should watch adventure first), season 3 tamers, and season 4 frontier.

that’s all i can really think of at the moment that’s like, easily accessible and not super niche, so hopefully some of this strikes your fancy!

Why Goku and Gohan Need Their Own Buddy Cop Show

Look at these two lovable grown dorks

Now look at them being galactic cops bringing peace to their lil’ corner of the galaxy

“Hey Gohan, let’s use that unbreakable sword you found to slice stuff!”

“Sure thing, dad! Let ‘er fly!”

Oh crap.

“Halt, in the name of the moon!”

“Dad, we went over this. It’s in the name of justice.”

“If you tell us who your cohorts are, I know someone who can give you a year’s worth of Playboy.”

“Dad, bribing the Purple Planet mafia leader with porn is so wrong!!”

“Did that guy really just handcuff himself to our air car?”

“I think he did…”

“You think you’re worried about my dad?? Look at this face! LOOK AT IT. Do you wanna mess with me???”

“Oh crap, I think he brought reinforcements.”

“Oh crap.”

two nights ago, I had a dream where I was married to a serial killer

and I walked into the closet and there were body parts and stuff made from human parts everywhere, Ed Gein-style, and there was a skull cap hanging on the wall with hair still on it, so I started crying and I called the police

then my husband walks in, and instead of going Bluebeard on me, he’s just like “well I guess this means the jig is up” and starts doing mundane shit and I continue weeping while we wait for the cops to show up

and they were taking a really goddamn long time to get here, then I realized I never gave them my address in my first call, so as my husband went into the bathroom, I called them again, and like whispered into the phone, even though it wasn’t necessary “um hey I called earlier about the body parts and sorry I didn’t give you guys my address it’s ### (Name) Boulevard come over here please”

anonymous asked:

I really loved your piece on B99 where you talk about people not supporting the show because it makes cops look good. Thank you for standing up for the show. My dad is a police officer and loves it because it makes fun of some of the stuff he has to deal with daily. He knows that there are bad cops out there, but the truth is most cops just want to keep you safe. B99 shows this. There are good cops and bad cops. Don't judge the entirety of a group of people based off of a few.


Okay but I’m mad about Dizzee’s gay “kiss” scene.

They showed him kissing that nameless white girl twice but they spliced all these macro shots of other folks kissing plus a white titty over what would have been the only gay kiss from main character on the show.

I don’t get it because the scene is otherwise AS QUEER AS POSSIBLE. So I know it’s not like they were afraid to do gay things with the show? Dizzee himself is wearing nail polish and stuff afterward. Given Jaden Smith’s general candor of being very open with bashing gender roles (wearing skirts, modeling “women’s” clothes, wearing nail polish, etc.) I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have minded doing a kissing scene with a guy?

Was it Thor’s actor?

I just lived for that scene the first time, LIVED for it. Then re-watched it and realized we got a little shunted.

What y’all think? Why the cop out?

no but listen just listen just hear me out i refuse to believe we’re all imagining things here!!!! fiore and deblanc are canon!!!! they are!!!
i went back to watch the episode where they explain how genesis was born and deblanc is just explaining things as they are, he does look a bit ashamed but he’s not really showing any emotion or making comments, while fiore is saying stuff like “disgusting” or “traitors” and that totally looks like confirmation that deblanc is a demon - and therefore not as uptight as fiore - and fiore is an angel who struggles to accept what they’ve done because of all the angelic morals and whatnot
everything adds up, it’s not just theories, for once in my life it’s not just about wishing and hoping, this is actually a thing that’s happening okay they have been very subtly putting it under our noses and it’s all starting to add up and some people refuse to see what’s going on!!!!
regardless of whether if they are genesis parents or not, which honestly i’m quite sure about by now, i feel like at least we can say they are canon, come on!!! episode 9 confirmed it, what do you need, a full-on sex scene to see they’re together???????? if they were male and female it wouldn’t even have been questioned, they would’ve just been considered canon on principle


can i also just say it was my birthday on the 7th and the cops showed up at my house again then for this sheet of paper i wrote on that said “how 2 make a pipe bomb : get w33d pipez, stuff with meme, defile your penis and light the reminants on fire, yeet” aand ye apparently my school luvs jumping 2 conclusions

anonymous asked:

I'm loving your sentinel fic! For some reason I picture Joseph Gordon-Levitt (scruffy version) when I imagine Jake...Do you have a specific image for Logan, Jake, Marcel and Alex? :D

Hmmm just vague stuff– Jake has a very grungy look, like a younger billy joe armstrong, and Logan is very clean-cut cop show hero type dude. Marcel is older now, but I see him as gentle-handsome. Alex is bookish and cute!  

Monster Falls Fic: Chapter 2

Chapter 6

Chapter 5

Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2


       Dipper rushed through the screen door, frantic. He blanched at the sight of Grunkle Stan downing a bottle of the cursed water, and nearly screamed when he saw that Wendy’s friends had showed up and, they too, were all drinking the stuff. Without thinking, he slapped the bottles out of their hands. Mabel and Soos had quietly entered the main room of the Shack, looking bewildered as ever.
       "Kid, why’d ‘ya just slap an empty bottle out of my hand?“ Stan questioned. "This water’s great! The whole town was in here today, and everyone bought some! They ran me dry! Even those pesky cops and Mabel’s friends and the girl they hate so much! Even Gideon came in here to claim vengeance, but I splashed some on him and he ran away whining about his hair! Amazing! This stuff is amazing! Mabel, first thing tomorrow I want you to get more!”
       "STOP DRINKING THE WATER!!“ Dipper interrupted. His voice cracked a little, but he didn’t care. The issue at hand was a bit more pressing than puberty. Stan’s words then hit him; the whole town was here, even Gideon and Pacifica and Candy and Grenda. And everyone had bought the beverage. This was bad.
       Very bad.
       "Dipper? Hey! What’s up?” Wendy asked, setting down her bottle.
       "The… water…“ Dipper rasped, "it’s… cursed!”
       Robbie spit out a mouthful of “Stan Water” onto Thompson, who shrieked something about his shirt being cotton and that it would shrink. Tambry just started typing on her phone at a rapid pace. Meanwhile, Nate and Lee were laughing at Thompson. Wendy shushed them, her face becoming serious.
       "Dipper, say that again,“ she commanded.
       "The 'Stan Water’ is cursed!” he exclaimed.
       "Woah, kid, what do ya mean 'cursed’?“ Stan asked.
       The other teenagers had gone quiet.
       "Dipper, dude, what’s going on?” Soos’ voice echoed in the silence.
       "The stream that Mabel got the water from is in this journal of supernatural entities and stuff,“ he explained, pulling the battered book out of his vest pocket. "It says that the water will curse anyone who touches or drinks it into a monster based on their personality, and the cure is unknown.”
       "Dip, did you use the black light?“ Mabel proposed.
       A wave of relief overcame Dipper. "Oh, no. Wait, maybe this panicking was for nothing.”
       He took out the black light from his pocket to look for invisible ink on the page. He swept the light all over the paper, but nothing new was revealed. His hopes faded.
       "There’s nothing there,“ Dipper declared.
       "Okay, if you’re right, then why aren’t we monsters right now?” Robbie asked.
       "It says that the effects don’t appear until at least six hours after contact,“ Dipper said.
       "Hey, monsters? That’s pretty cool, though. LEE, LET’S GO TELL EVERYBODY!” Nate stated, his voice rising.
       His friend cheered, and the two ran out of the Shack, with Thompson in tow, as he did not want to be left out.
       "Everyone pretty much knows though, because I tweeted it,“ Tambry said.
       "Let’s just go,” Robbie suggested. “See ya’ later Wendy.”
       The couple left the building, too, leaving just the staff, the owner, and his great niece and nephew.
       "Finally,“ Grunkle Stan sighed, "I thought they’d never leave!”
       Wendy frowned.
       "Wait, so we’re all gonna be monsters by tomorrow?“ Mabel asked, starting to worry. "Even my friends?”
       Dipper nodded sullenly.
       "How is this possible? Magic streams don’t just pop up in forests,“ Stan grumbled.
       "Well, it’s not like the forest behind this place is normal, Mr. Pines,” Soos pointed out.
       "Whatever, this is dumb. Nothing’s gonna happen. I’m taking a nap,“ Stan declared, and then went into the living area of the Mystery Shack, slamming the door behind him.
       "What kind of monsters will we be? Like a Pterodactyl?” Soos wondered aloud, pronouncing the 'p’ in 'pterodactyl,’ much to Dipper’s dismay.
       "Or will we grow big claws and fangs and nasty green lizard scales?“ Wendy added on, making claw motions with her hands.
       "What if we were all vampires?” Mabel suggested, a dreamy tone in her voice.
       "No, I think we’re all different creatures, like, based on our personalities. Like someone might be a vampire, but someone could also be a werewolf or a gnome or…“
       "This doesn’t sound that bad, dude,” Soos pointed out.
       "Are you CRAZY?!“ Dipper yelled, followed by a "Keep it down!” from Stan, “we’re all gonna turn into God knows what, and possibly, like, kill each other, and you think that that’s cool?!”
       Mabel nodded in agreement. “This could be a good thing or a bad thing.”
       "I think, for now, we should keep thinking of it as a good thing, because it’s lunch time, and I’d rather eat in peace!“ Wendy suggested, laughing a little.
       "Haha, yeah, good plan,” Dipper said, and then cursed himself. Aren’t I over her?
       With that, they parted ways to eat their meals, and began to prepare for the next wave of tourists. Dipper wouldn’t let Mabel go out to get more water, because the afternoon wave was always tourists, and there was no way he would bring the monster epidemic to people from other towns.


       The rest of the day was lazy. Surprisingly, not too many tourists came through, so not much work could be done. Everyone was tired by the time the Shack closed, and the air had finally cooled down. After Wendy and Soos said their goodbyes and went home, and the Pines trio had eaten a dinner of slightly overcooked spaghetti and canned tomato sauce (courtesy of Stan’s cooking), they sat around the old television in the living room.
       Mabel was sprawled out on the tan shag carpet, petting her pet pig, Waddles. Dipper was leaning against the dinosaur skull replica/ end table, doing some Summer Reading. Mabel hadn’t started that yet, and really was not planning to until school was at least a week away. Grunkle Stan, as usual, was in his white undershirt and blue striped boxers, sitting on his ugly yellow armchair that was worn down from years of use. He kept his fez on, for whatever reason, and was staring intently at the infomercial on the T.V. through his glasses.
       As the crickets and cicadas droned on outside, Mabel couldn’t help but wonder about the effects of that stream water. She wasn’t sure whether she believed anything would happen or not, but the journal had not proved the twins wrong yet. The thing that she worried about most, however, was what she might turn into.
       What if I get turned into an ugly troll or something and lose my cuteness again, like when Bill made me ugly? But Dipper said the monster matched your personality. What would match my personality? A fairy or something?
       The thoughts and “what ifs” kept haunting Mabel for the rest of the evening, even after Stan sent them to bed. Mabel lay awake, aware of Waddles curled up at her feet. She knew her brother was awake too. His breathing wasn’t sleepy yet. When you share a room with someone for twelve years, things like that catch on.
       Even so, as she stared at the ceiling and discovered  a new mold spot (I’ll name you Jerome), Mabel decided that she would just have to wait and see what the morning brought her.
       With that thought, the girl slowly drifted off to sleep.

thegollux replied to your post:Working on Exclusive Pt II: The Buckying

I confused “exclusive” with “exquisite” because both of them feature Peters. I really wasn’t sure where you were gonna go with a Peter Burke / Bucky Barnes story but I was HERE FOR ITTTT

HAHAHA oh god can you imagine, Peter and Neal are assigned to track down Bucky Barnes as part of an FBI counterterrorism unit.

Neal finds Bucky in like, ten minutes, moves him into the loft, doesn’t tell Peter.

Neal and Bucky have EPIC ADVENTURES trying to find a way to clear Bucky’s name, Mozzie JOYOUSLY FREAKS OUT at all the conspiracy stuff, Neal cop-blocks Peter at every turn, Bucky is just like “the fuck is my life” and it all culminates in a showdown in a warehouse full of Hydra records that everyone gets to at the same time and just when Neal thinks Peter is FOR SURE going to find Bucky, Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson show up and are like AGENT BURKE, A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME allowing Bucky to get away until the FBI can go through the Hydra records and declare Bucky Not A Terrorist.

It would be glorious. Neal and Bucky arguing about guns alone would be worth the price of admission.

So last night I said to my roommate “you know what would be hilarious? A buddy cop esque kind of White Collar show with Valjean and Javert where Valjean is the ex-convict assigned to Javert to help with cases as a part of the probation that he keeps breaking because hey, we could use this guy’s smarts let’s not put him back in prison.” 

Now I suppose Valjean would have to be in prison for something more than a bread theft, but still something honorable, like I dunno rigging the ATM to dispense free money so his family could buy food which leads to him letting other people know it’s there so their families can also buy food. He’d be like a self-taught tech whiz who uses his powers for good. And I just think it would be hilarious, because Javert would be the last person on earth who would want to have Valjean assigned to him but there they are, stuck driving around together and Valjean is far more Annoyingly Cheerful than Javert can tolerate and tells him all about Cosette without exactly saying HOW she came to be his adopted daughter. And  then sometimes Javert is sent to patrol some of the protests Les Amis do and he is like I AM ABOVE THIS I AM A DETECTIVE and Valjean has to go with him and inevitably ends up introducing Cosette to the Amis and she brings them baked goods and Javert is like WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BRINGING RABBLE ROUSERS COOKIES, VALJEAN. But then Cosette very insistently shoves a cookie into his hands and smiles and he can’t argue anymore after that. 

It should inevitably be filmed in the style of Parks and Rec. 

I think PLL is gonna cop a lot of hate after this finale.

The advertising is all wrong.

We are NOT finding out who A is. We are just getting one major clue, or a few major clues.

Whilst I have no doubt other major revelations will come to light in this finale other than A’s identity, the promo #BigAReveal is VERY misleading: everyone is expecting a reveal, and when it doesn’t happen (which we know for sure it’s coming in season 6 instead), the show will cop a lot of hate and some may even stop watching.

I can’t imagine what people will say on Twitter after the episode airs; accusing Marlene of false advertising! Stuff like:
“you’re dragging this on for so long that even the episode dubbed as the #BigAReveal didn’t reveal who A is!”

Honestly, the wording of that should’ve been A Big Reveal. Not Big A Reveal. It makes such a big different just re-arranging the A!

But I just wanted to add - lets not attack the writers after the finale when we don’t find out who it is - they’re not responsible for the false advertising, Marlene has said it is solely ABC Family’s job to create promos and trailers and hashtags, etc.

Regardless, the finale will be awesome, we will get some hints which MAY be enough to work out the identity which is awesome, but let’s remember it’s no 100% confirmed identity; that’s season 6. On the brighter side we will get other answers from previous seasons, the finale is not just focusing on this apparent Big A Reveal. We will find out who has a twin!

“why do you like cartoons more than live action stuff??” idk maybe when i get home after a long day i just wanna watch something beautiful about a brand new world that shows me the extent of the human imagination instead of 50 million cop shows about brutalized women or poorly CGI’d paranormal spookums

  • team ezria: I hope my babies have babies yeah.I bet that book is about aria. yes, there's no doubt. NO MORE LOVE INTEREST MARLENE, PLS, WE'VE SURVIVED A LOOOT.
  • team spoby: I hope Toby leave that stupid police cap. my boy needs to be with spence. marlene, you bitch leave my babies alone. no one cares about cop toby
  • team haleb: marlene give haleb a baby, pls, come on you can't show us hanna with a baby in that plane and now leave us without that kind of happiness.
  • team emison: FUCK THAT ROLLINS GUY. WE DON'T KNOW HIM BUT WE HATE HIM ALREADY. just remember that emison smile in game over charles. #emisonisendgame
  • non pll shipper: I hope the girls can handle all this charles stuff.

So how did Uber A get this stuff anyways??

Some of this was in the dollhouse, some in radley. So what the cops just left it all their they didn’t take it for evidence????

I get it’s show but I need an explanation on how this stuff is still around?

Or did A go into police storage and if so they would have to notice when it goes missing.

Cillian is #2 on US Weekly’s Top 10 Sexiest Irish Hunks!

Everyone loves a villain! Add in those piercing sky blue eyes and the Cork native makes being bad look oh so good. He brought Batman villain the Scarecrow to life in all three of Christopher Nolan’s installments of the DC Comics films. He also terrorized Rachel McAdams in the 2005 thriller Red Eye. As evil as he is on-screen, Murphy, 38, has a heart of gold and is a feminist in real life.

“It’s a much tougher world for women,” he told Film Ireland Magazine in 2013. “Irish actresses are on the way up at the moment. But it’s a much tougher and far more judgmental world for actresses. Men can play soldiers and cops and stuff for the rest of their lives. For women after a certain age the roles start to become thinner and thinner, you know. And that is just the way this awful show-business world is set up.”