just tell i'm okay with everything

3

You’ve brought up this issue before, this issue of not feeling like you’re in control. Do you remember? When we spoke about your father.

I know I’m suppose to be positive about life. I know that. So many people tell me on a daily basis. I know I should put a smile on my face and fight back. I know my problems aren’t the end of the world. But you don’t understand. I’m tired.

I’m tired of looking at my face. I’m tired of not knowing what to do. I’m tired of all the people hurting me, even when they don’t realize they are hurting me.

I’m merely sick and tired.
I feel like such a waste of time, a downgrade, a replaceable, and an empty person.
So instead of standing up and auguring I just sit there silent, I cry until I fall asleep.
I can’t fight back my tears anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not better.
I’m sorry I’m too much to handle.
I’m sorry that I’ve given up.

I feel as if I wasted my whole life to achieve nothing, literally nothing.
I want to find a purpose.
Something to look forward to.
I’m so unhappy and isolated.
For the last 3-4 years I have been so sad.
That sadness has grown inside of me and it’s all I know now. I can’t stop it, I can’t control it. Because even when I’m happy and laughing, it’s seems like it’s still there, just waiting to strike at me and take me down.

I always pretend to be a cold hearted person when in reality I cry about everything, all the time, literally, always crying.

I’ve given up and lost hope. I don’t think I will ever be the girl I used to be. Because of how much my sadness has consumed me, I’m a different person. Walking in large crowds, feeling more lonely than ever. Doing random tasks and only thinking about how much I want to be dead.

Before you go telling me how many people are greatful for me, just think. Did you ever think about the fact that some people just don’t want to live ? 
They have no dramatic reason, they just dont want to live.

I’m sorry I don’t cherish life the way you do. I’m sorry I feel as if I don’t belong here. And I’m sorry that at any given point in time I will just completely give up and die. I’m sorry if me dying is an inconvenience to you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.

—  I’m just so unhappy here and I’m tired of everything

Who Tells Your Story (33129 words) by lululawrence
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: One Direction (Band)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Characters: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Félicité Tomlinson, Tomlinson-Deakin family, Jon Shone, Dan Richards, Sandy Beales
Additional Tags: okay now let’s see, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Phone Sex, ish, it’s complicated - Freeform, liam is just kinda mentioned, sorry liam, i’m really awful at tags, but i don’t think there’s anything triggering in here, just talk of illness, not life threatening!, okay i’m stopping now
Summary:

Louis stands and is about to stop recording when he hears Fizzy say, “Holy shit, it’s really you!”

Curious, he picks up the camera and is attempting to keep it focused in case Fizzy gives him some good footage.  The camera focused on a very familiar torso and tattooed arm causing Louis to freeze and glance up from the screen to see a dimpled smile.

“Uh, yeah.  Hi, I’m Harry.”

Without thinking, Louis answers, “Figured that much out, yeah.  Why are you here ?”  Wincing, he shakes his head and is about to take it back when he hears Harry laugh.

“Well, I kinda wanted to surprise you, or Fizzy specifically.  So…surprise?”

Louis finally comes to himself and turns the camera towards his sister, who is still standing with her hands covering her mouth trying not to cry.

“Would you like to come inside?” she squeaks.  Harry Styles, pop star extraordinaire, nods his head and steps in with a soft word of thanks.  Louis quickly shifts to the side to allow Harry through their narrow hall and widens his eyes at Fizzy.

Where should we take him? he mouths at Fizzy in worry.

I don’t know!

Louis flaps his free arm before scurrying to reset the living room from their interview setup and something more befitting an international celebrity.  Shit.

…or the one where Harry is a rock star, Louis is just another midwestern kid who put his dreams aside for his family, and a wig for Fizzy changes everything.

I’m so emotional about the differences in how Philip and Lukas look at each other.

When Philip looks at Lukas it’s with such intense determination to keep him safe and protect him. He knows that despite all the big talk that Lukas is scared and just in need of someone to tell him that everything will be okay. Philip looks at him like he’d want nothing more than to just make sure Lukas knows that he is not broken and he deserves the world.

While Lukas looks at Philip with such terrible heartbreak, it’s not hard to see how much Lukas wants to give Philip his all and love him with everything he has. But he’s full of so much fear that he can’t help but long for Philip even when he’s right there. Because yes, he’s afraid of being outed and outcast, but even more he’s afraid that he’ll never be sure enough of himself to love Philip completely.

The contrast in their eyes is so heart wrenching but you know that above all these boys are falling in love with each other with all the devotion and adoration that they have. It’s beautiful beyond words.

I just need someone to hug me and tell me that everything’s going to be ok. But I don’t think anybody even cares enough to do that & I think that might be why I need it so much. I just need someone to show me that they care.

Don’t imagine Victor and Yuri cuddling every night before bed.

Don’t imagine them exchanging stories from their past, not just about skating but everything.

Don’t imagine Yuri telling Victor about when he first met him when they were younger.

Don’t imagine Victor acting nonchalantly as I’d remembering meeting him was nothing.

Don’t imagine Maccachin curling up with them under the covers.

Don’t imagine Victor burying his face in Yuri’s chest as he grows tired.

Don’t imagine Yuri poking the top of Victor’s head, again.

Don’t imagine Victor complaining that his hair is getting thin and going on a rant about how he’s considering growing out again.

And certainly don’t imagine Yuri and Victor singing songs they’ve skated to (specifically Stay With Me) to each other until they fall asleep.

  • mom: let me know what stresses you out so I can help you with it. even if I'm contributing to it, just let me know.
  • me: okay, well, sometimes you yell at me and it makes me upset, because you always blame me for it and I'm not allowed to disagree with you or else it's all my fault.
  • mom: wELL EXCUSE ME YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL I GUESS I SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE EVERYTIME I OPEN MY MOUTH I UPSET SOMEONE.
  • me: that's not what I'm saying.
  • mom: YES IT IS.
  • me: .....anyway

Hey you. If you’re anxious or nervous about your big plans today, I just wanted to stop by and tell you everything is going to be okay. You’re going to do just fine on your tests, performing your public speeches, getting that job interview, landing that new job, moving to a new town, settling in with a new group of friends, starting and fitting in at a new school, everything. You’re going to be all right. All the best things in life come with change. Have patience and faith in yourself. Keep trying. Breathe.

3

I DON’T WANT TO FORGET | LISTEN

“I hear you say, ‘How unlucky that this should happen to me.’ But not at all. Perhaps say instead, 'How lucky I am that I am not broken by what has happened and I’m not afraid of what is about to happen.’ For the same blow might have struck anyone, but not many who would have absorbed it without capitulation or complaint.”

[an instrumental fanmix dedicated to Miranda Barlow/Hamilton]

you can just tell calum has a beautiful soul, and he’s so so intelligent. he has such a wonderful mind. and he wants to learn more about the world and he’s okay with the fact that he doesn’t know everything. he’s literally the purest angel and that makes me so happy omg

okay so i know i say this like every five seconds, but after mUCH DEBATE with a professional, i need to take some time away from social media. and not just tumblr, but my laptop in general. bc let’s face it i waste waaay too much time on here and it’s not good for me doing completely useless things that don’t benefit my life or goals directly (ughhhh… sigh internet). i’ll have a queue running, like always, post set up for rilaya moments/rucas tags so those don’t just drop off the face of the earth, and i’ll be in every now and again to check in on you GORGEOUS PEOPLE. but for now. 

bye bye, friends. 

I broke up with you because I wasn’t being fair to you in how I acted towards you and how I was questioning everything. I still love everything about you. I want to talk to you all the time and tell you about everything that is happening, but I know I can’t because I changed everything between us. I’m still wearing the necklace you have me, and I’m still sleeping in your t-shirts. I just want you back in my life, but I know that if things went back to the way they were, you’d still be getting hurt anyways.

So what now? I’m keeping everything to myself again. Losing you meant losing the person who knew me best. The person who could sense I was not okay by the tone of my voice or the look in my eye. I could tell you everything. No matter how poisoned my thoughts were, you tried to understand me and the darkness forming in my head. Ofcourse, losing you meant so much more than losing my favourite person to talk to. It’s just that my thoughts are clouding up my mind so bad that sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode, like I’m going to lose it. I can talk to other people about it, I know they would listen to me and try to be there for me. But it will always be different. They will never be you.

  • Bucky: St- Steve. He- help
  • Steve: BUCKY!! Are you okay? Oh my god, you're on the ground. Did you fall, shit, did you hit something? I need to get Bruce!
  • Bucky: L..... L-
  • Steve: What is it, Buck? Just stay with me, everything is going to be fine. Okay?
  • Bucky: L.. La- [grabs Steve's arm, tearfully]
  • Steve: what is it? Who did this to you? You can tell me, Buck.
  • Bucky: Language [starts laughing hysterically]
  • Steve: [looks into the camera like he's in the office]

it annoys me so much how when i tell my psychiatrists or therapist that i haven’t been feeling depressed as often but i’ve been feeling empty and emotionless and kind of miserable nonstop they completely ignore the empty and emotionless part and just act like everything’s okay simply because you haven’t tried to kill yourself yet or you haven’t had an emotional breakdown in a while like ??? just because i’m not on the verge of suicide doesn’t mean everything’s okay ???

anonymous asked:

coldflash is not real lmao bicht

umm… okay? I’m thoroughly confused as to what you’re trying to accomplish here, anon. If you don’t personally ship coldflash, that’s 110% cool. Whether you don’t see chemistry between them, or you prefer them in different ships, that’s neither a good thing or a bad thing, that’s just your own personal shipping preferences. You won’t catch me dropping by your ask box leaving you anon hate telling you coldflash is real, complete with the misogynistic slur and everything, but, you know, spelled correctly

And friend, if you’re trying to mock me for shipping something that has no basis in canon, go read some of my overheat fics and get back to me, okay? It’s a much easier target.