just stop haunting me

2

isak + raising his eyebrows in wonder during the 5:10 kisses.

They’re not what Zevran was expecting.

The plan isn’t ruined, per se, but he was rather counting on them to be slightly less suspicious. Grey Wardens are heroes of legend, and people routinely called heroes are supposed to be giving and trusting. This lot clearly isn’t. The elf - Dalish, if he’s seeing correctly - and Qunari are just short of openly disdainful, trading eyerolls when they think no one can see. At least, he clearly sees the elf roll her eyes; the Qunari is on the far side and perhaps more mannerly than Zevran gives him credit for.

Perhaps only the human is a Grey Warden then. He certainly seems eager to assist the woman Zevran’s hired. His information is scare and outdated; it’s entirely possible the others could be tagalongs. That would be more fitting. Champions sometimes amass a following, and outlaw heroes have their own appeal. And if the Grey Warden is this blindly trusting, well, he certainly needs them.

That rather complicates things for him though. The two suspicious ones are scanning the horizon, shoulders tight, clearly expecting something. The massive dog - and Zevran’s not sure if he’s a Grey Warden or not, this being Ferelden - is scenting the air. They’re not going to make it to the wagon.

Keep reading

By Your Side (Jasper Hale x Reader)

Prompt: “I’m sorry this is kinda an odd request but could you please write something were the reader is Jasper’s human mate and she hasn’t been sleeping for several days due to nightmares that wouldn’t go away so she gave up on sleeping and one day she’s out with the whole Cullen fam and she faints and Jasper confront and comforts her about the issues?” (requested)

Word Count: 1,488

A/N: I’m slowly catching up to my requests, still I have a couple and more on my ask, so be patient, please! I’m still without wifi but at my mother’s house. Anyway, enjoy!

They didn’t stop; they just came back haunting me at night, keeping me awake for countless hours and it started to be unhealthy, the 8 hours that an average human is supposed to sleep I could only get 1 or 2 If I was lucky enough, the rest it was all caffeine, nothing else could keep me through the day. There was only one exception, and it was Jasper. Whenever he was around me I could finally sleep but I couldn’t ask him to come into my house every night just to help me sleep, even if he would agree, it was too much, or it seemed too much for me.

I sighed deeply brushing my hands against my face in frustration; I turned my head to look at my nightstand and stared at the clock.

6:45 a.m.

I moaned, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep again so I just stood up and made my way to the bathroom. Once I was ready I headed to the kitchen with my phone on my hands, luckily today it was Saturday so I wouldn’t have to deal with exhaustion and maths, also, today it was supposed to rain and that meant thunders which also meant that the Cullen were going to play baseball, and of course, Jasper invited me.

I pour myself some coffee and sat down on the couch pulling my phone out again and going through my social media trying to get my head away from the nightmares, I knew that they appeared only when I was asleep but the past few days I started to get absolutely afraid that something will trigger me and the nightmares would appear in front of me

My life was a complete mess.


At 10:35 I received a text from Jasper letting me know that he was coming for me and thank God I got ready beforehand knowing how fast he gets to my house, I had enough time to put make up on, concealing my dark circles, of course, they didn’t disappear but they didn’t look that bad, it was just the normal “I don’t sleep, I’m a teenager that spends the nights online” look.

And just as I imagined five minutes later Jasper was outside my house, with his usual charming smile that sent shivers down my spine and his mesmerizing golden eyes that I could look into all my life if I could.

“Hey, babe, ready for the game?” he asked raising one eyebrow and smirking at me, I laughed softly. “I’m winning today, just letting you know” he got closer and hugged me tightly.

“Stop lying to her, Jasper, please stop embarrassing yourself!” Emmett screamed from behind us making me laugh. I grabbed Jasper’s cold hand and gripped it tightly, at this he looked straight into my eyes and smiled again.

“Let’s go” he whispered and we started to walk to the field.


I couldn’t put into words how much I enjoyed watching the Cullen play, they just seemed so much relaxed when they were playing that made me relax as well, and the men would always end up fighting about silly things, even though Rosalie would take part on those fights too, they were extremely competitive and it was funny to watch that.

During the game, I could feel myself getting tired, keeping my eyes open became to be a struggle and I had to readjust myself from my sitting position on the ground, and Alice, who was sitting next to me, could notice that too.

“Are you okay, (Y/N)?” she asked softly caressing my arm with her hand and I nodded.

“Yes, just a little tired, that’s all, Al” It wasn’t a lie, I was tired as hell and there was nothing else in my mind that the thought of me going to sleep but I easily shrugged those thoughts off when the nightmares appeared on my mind again.

“(Y/N), come here! We need your help” Emmett’s voice interrupted us and I turned my head to look at him, he was grinning like mad and I had no idea what they wanted from me.

“Fuck off, Emmett, you cheated, get over it” Edward pushed him playfully and but Emmett didn’t even move an inch.

“Shut up, please, I’m talking to her” he responded looking at him but he turned quickly to look at me again almost with a pleading look in his eyes.

I groaned but got up anyway brushing my clothes trying to clean myself a little.

“Okay, I’m going” I answered but the second I started moving I had to stop, my head began to pound and everything around me looked blurry, dizziness took over me like a crashing wave and I was difficult to keep myself steady.

“(Y/N), what happens?” I could barely hear Alice’s voice behind me but before I could even answer I fell to the ground and closed my eyes before drifting into darkness Jasper’s voice was the last thing that I heard.

“(Y/N)!”


I slowly tried to open my eyes, which was rather difficult, there was something on the back of my mind that kept telling me to go back and let sleep consume me, but I didn’t want to.

Once I opened my eyes successfully I met those golden eyes that make my heart flutter, but this time the only thing that I could see in them was pain and concern.

I moved my body from the bed that I suspected Jasper had placed me and sat with my back placed on the headboard, Jasper made his way from the spot that he was standing and sat down next to me, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it a little.

“I know something is wrong and I want you to tell me what’s happening so I know how I can help you” he tilted his head smiling at me; I knew he was trying to soothe me with his powers and it was certainly working.

I closed my eyes and sighed before opening them again and looked at him straight into his eyes.

“It’s…it’s nothing really” I couldn’t help but to stumble through my words, I was starting to feel embarrassed about confessing to him.

The grip on my hand tightened a little bit making me wince, it didn’t hurt a lot but he surely was strong.

“I thought we trusted each other, love, tell me” he paused and rose an eyebrow at me “what’s wrong?”

I knew he wasn’t doing this on purpose to hurt me, he would never even try to harm me in any way, I knew this was his way of protecting me and showing that he cared. I shifted uncomfortably and tried to reassure myself that everything was okay.

“I’ve been having nightmares the past few days” I finally let out “they are extremely bad and I haven’t been able to sleep well so I just ditched the idea of sleeping because they always came back a-and “I sniffed and the tears were moving down from my eyes to my face almost instantly. I took a deep breath and continued “Every time I close my eyes I just see the same thing and it’s driving me crazy”

Jasper immediately pulled me into his arms hugging me close to his strong body as I let the tears fall freely down my face, sobbing uncontrollably. I could hear Jasper’s voice through my ear whispering sweet things to me and eventually, I calmed down, thankful for Jasper’s ability to make me relax enough so I wasn’t a sobbing mess.

He pulled away a little so he could see my face and moved a strand of hair out of the way before he pressed his lips onto mine, giving me a little peck and pressed our foreheads together.

“You should have told me before, (Y/N),” he whispered as his caressed my face with his thumb “I would have done anything to make those nightmares go away”

He then pulled away completely and stood up walking to the other side of the bed lying down next to me, and pulling me closer to his body, I instantly put my arms around his torso and his arms found their way to my waist; he place his chin on top of my head and I pressed my head on his chest.

I tried to force myself to stay awake afraid that the nightmares would come back, but, I knew that having Jasper by my side they probably won’t.

“Try to sleep a little, (Y/N), I know you are tired” he whispered and kiss the top of my head, letting his lips linger a little bit longer “I will be here, I will always be here”

And with that I let myself drift to sleep with his body still pressed against mine, holding him as tight as I could, knowing that for once I could have a decent sleep.  

Sometimes I wish I could move somewhere else just so you would stop haunting me. Everything about this house and the neighborhood around it has memories of you tied up in it.
I feel as though I am trapped here… walled in by memories and surrounded by endless streets of thinking about you from every time I went walking to clear my mind. Every room in my home I have been in and either laughed because of you or collapsed in a heap and cried over you. It’s like I can never really move on because I’m still in the same place – quite literally – that I was when you were still in my life.
I want so desperately to be able to control the memories of you and how much they affect me and I can’t help but think that the only way to do that is to leave this place behind and close the door on it forever. Because these constant reminders, as small as they may be… feel like a punishment; a reminder that I am trapped by a longing to be in a place and a time that no longer exists for me.

anonymous asked:

6 "I just like proving you wrong"

// I wasn’t sure what pairing you wanted dear anon, so I went with Hamilton/Laurens. This is set in the historical period. There are mentions of homophobia and allusions to suicide. Please let me know about any mistakes in language, grammar, etc…help is appreciated! //

SEND ME A PROMPT!


John drifted in and out of sleep. Dreams came and went like passing tides, sometimes merging into one another and, at other times, ending so abruptly that he jolted back to reality. This would happen, sometimes. Sometimes the monstrosities of war; the ear-crackling booms, the heart-wrenching scents and the soul-draining cries, became too much to bear. Sleep had always been an adequate form of escape, a suitable type of rest, but now even that had been taken from him.

He ran a hand through his mess and mass of hair. He had to remind himself to breathe, just breathe, before he could even attempt opening his tent. To get out, to get some fresh air, to forget.

But, even then, his fingers trembled against his will.

After many attempts, he finally felt the bite of cold air. The sensation of it scratching past his skin cleared his mind. He breathed; allowed the icy fangs to claw their way down his throat. But then he caught something; an intruding warmth, a sickly scent of burning wood. He paused, and turned in its direction.

Someone was already up.

Someone was there, prodding the ashes of a blazing fire as if to diminish the fresh, freezing air.

The time it took for John Laurens to recognize that smooth olive-skin, those raven curls and that lanky frame was enough time for the memories to return. It was enough for him to hear distant screams, distant cackles and bang!

He felt himself falling. Felt the discarded leaves beneath him, the very earth, slide and twist beneath his feet. He felt himself decline, further and further into the battlefield; into the world of the dead, dead, dead bodies, staring at him with unseeing eyes, calling to him with unspoken voices and longing for him with an unforgiving grip—

“Laurens!”

He came back to reality with a flinch.

Alex was there, staring at him. His eyes, dark and wholesome and knowing, became an anchor. Laurens openly stared at them; bore into them, so as to keep himself grounded.

“John, are you with me?” Alex spoke in a hushed tone. His hand ghosted over John’s shoulder, before returning to his side. “Your eyes seemed to be distant.”

He scrunched his face up to try and battle the looming headache. “Oh, Alex…” He trailed, swaying slightly. “My apologies. I…I sometimes, I…”

Laurens may have lost his words, but Alex’s were always steadfast on his tongue.

“I understand. You do not need to explain what is so clearly expressed by your emotions. Come by the fire—it will be warmer there.”

John shook his head, an action he soon regretted after his brain became wracked with throbs. “N-No, Alexander. The cold helps me to think.”

“Very well. We shall sit here, then?”

Laurens was taken aback. “You wish to sit with me?”

The follow-up to that question was left unsaid, but it hung clearly in the air; me, the soldier who is deemed brave and yet cannot face sleep for fear of nightmares; me, the soldier who hath none but oneself; me, the soldier, who is sinful enough to love you.

“Of course, my dear Laurens. You seem troubled, and yet are my friend; so I shall remain with you.” Alexander paused. “We will sit here?”

“Somewhere away from the tent. It plagues my mind with unhappy thoughts.”

“Very well!” Alexander beamed, and when he did, his eyes seemed alight with the very stars they reflected. He reached forward and took John’s wrist, turning and dragging him somewhere within the forest.

John Laurens was too tired and too infatuated to say no. He was too trustful, too, it seemed; so he followed this man, this glorious and respectful and wonderful person, into the looming darkness of the trees. The moon and the dancing stars above provided minimal lighting. But, Alexander seemed to know the way, paving his way through the trees and the roots almost elegantly.

Eventually, they reached a lone lake.

Alexander collapsed by its edge, gazing up at his friend with a grin which could only be described as smug.

“Does this suit your fancy?” Alexander said, a little louder now that they were free of prying ears.

“It is quite possibly the most remarkable landscape I have seen.” He agreed, and sat down beside Alexander. He stared into the water, ignoring his reflection and instead choosing to note the constellations; marvel at the diamonds above, enveloped by darkness; memorize the patterns, the swirls, of the moon.

He did not see Alexander, who was too busy studying him. “Yes, but, my dear Laurens, not more beautiful than the landscape that is yourself.”

He knew what Alex had said; and he knew that Alex knew what he has said. This was a man whose thoughts formed direct connections with his mouth; every word calculated and true. John hoped the darkness hid the growing redness of his cheeks. “Why do you flatter me so, Alexander?”

Alex chuckled. “It is just that I like to prove you wrong.”

John’s heart sunk a little further. You could sink even further in the lake, his thoughts suggested. He shook his head again, as if to try and rid them, before his head went throb and he gripped his temples.

“Oh, my dear John- whatever is it that troubles you? I did not mean for you to take offence, you should know that—“

“No, no, Alexander—just stop. ‘Tis not you. The horrors of the battlefield haunt me and the men I hath watched die wish for me to join them, and alas, Alexander! Reality is not enough of a wager to keep me here, I fear. I am scared. I am cold and alone, and—“

It was warm. Warm hands drew around his body and gentle arms kept him from tethering. A warm body, an alive and welcoming and soft body, pulled him close, and sweet nothings were whispered into his ear. They hushed him. The words almost sung to him like a lullaby. And so John allowed his eyes to close; allowed the waterfall that was his tears to flood the shoulder he now breathed into.

“I am alone, Alexander,” he wept. He did not care for the shame that preyed upon him, for the warm arms holding him kept it at bay. “I hath none which want me but the dead, and yet I cannot die.”

“Shh,” Alex almost cradled him, rubbing soothing circles into his back with ease. “You are not alone. What must I do to prove you wrong? If not in words dear Laurens, then…” He gripped onto the shivering man in his arms. “I will never leave you, John, if you wager the same with me. You are not alone; I am here.”

His sobs diminished into sniffles. “Reality would be bearable, were you with me constantly.”

“Yours, forever,” Alexander promised, breaking apart for only a moment so that he might place a kiss upon John’s forehead. His fingers; elegant as they were, traced his cheeks so that the tears might be gone.

Something seemed to realise itself within John, and he flinched, daring to pull away. “Why can it not be; ‘tis damnable. You are a righteous man, Alexander. You cannot love me in the way that I might you.”

Alexander only gripped him firmer, chin placed over the taller man’s head. “Hush, I will prove you wrong, my dear Laurens. Love knows no bounds; not the depths of ones soul nor the amount of stars above can quantify it. I want you here.”

“How can you be so sure?” John asked, tears threatening to engulf him again.

“I hath loved, and will love, you for as long as I live.”

Alex finally released the taller man—but only so that he could plant a gentle kiss to those soft lips, eyelids shadowing his wondrous eyes. John became tense, at first, but forced himself to relax. Of course, he had wanted this for a time too long to measure; but the thought of kissing Alex was still one which made him feel a forced guilt.

But no longer. He became lost in the sensation of Alexander’s lips.

They parted only when they needed air.

It was John this time that hugged the smaller frame, nuzzling into his neck so that he might absorb the loving warmth that belonged there.

Alexander smiled. “Yours, forever.”

And for the first time in many a year, John Laurens began to believe it. Like a distant light in the darkness, he began to feel wanted. The screams became whispers, the wounds became scars and the world around him became, for once, invitingly warm.

Puzzle

Fuck

I still hear it.

I still hear myself.

“Stop”

It will forever haunt me.

Maybe just as much as

“Worthless”

Fuck

I can still hear it.

I can still hear myself.

I thought my days of sobbing

Uncontrollably

Had ended years ago.

But my own words were haunting me

Bringing me to a past

I didn’t want to ever know

“Worthless”

“Stop!”

I broke in your arms

As past and present

Fit together so well

Like a puzzle

One that you bought but never aimed to

Put together.

And that drowning

Will haunt me just as much

As the words in my head

Because the pain wasn’t tolerable

Yet you were there

Almost having to bare all the pain with me

I’m sorry.

I’m broken

And this puzzle was made to destroy me

Not put me back together.

-CK

Whiskey Lullaby

Word Count: 1,912
Reader Gender: I don’t think I specified one
Warnings: Reader death, alcohol poisoning.
Love Interest: Dean (SPN)
Note: I’ve been writing this on the side for like a week now, and since I just finished it, I decided to post it c: This is based on the song by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss. I think I dragged out the last half a little too much, but I hope you guys like it! Also, I’m sorry my posts have been so slow. I’ll try to post more c:

It had been quite a while since Dean and I parted ways, both for our separate reasons. Well, in reality it was one collective reason, but I’m sure you’ll get a different story if you ask him. He cheated on me, more than once might I add. The last time he did it, I couldn’t take it anymore, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. So I left, and I didn’t bother with getting my things. They didn’t matter, nothing did anymore. I haven’t been the same since, and I’ve taken to alcohol more and more as the days go by. I love him more than I love myself, but it’s been years and I’m sure he’s changed his number by now.

Nowadays I drink it away with whiskey, and then I end up crying next to a picture of him when I get to my motel room. Dean and I were in the same business, and I was in it before I even met him. That was partly why our relationship had worked out so well in the beginning. Then I found him with another woman, and while he promised not to do it again, he would let me down. I wouldn’t have been driving over to his motel room if it wasn’t for my current case. Whatever I was chasing was after him, and it was powerful. This creature had a rep for killing people, and making it look like a suicide.

She put him out, like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette.
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life trying to forget.
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time.
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
Until the night.

While I know that Dean probably already has a handle on this case, I still worry for him. I didn’t want him to die, and if I got to him before this thing did, everything will be alright. I’ve already injured it pretty badly, and in my book it should be dead already. The creature was black and smoky, but thankfully my weapon collection is pretty big, and I usually always have something to use. After reading about it, I found that it’s weakest point is where it’s the smokiest and the darkest. So, that’s where I struck it, and I don’t give it long to live. However, it could live long enough to have one more victim.

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away her memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.

That wasn’t happening on my damn watch, and I’d drag it back to Hell myself if I had to first. I pulled into the parking lot of the motel, parking my car in the first available spot I came across. I quickly got out of my car and jogged up to his door, my heart pounding from pure fear. Cas told me where they were, but I feared he wasn’t able to get there in time. I knocked on the door at first, hoping that he’d just answer or tell me to come in. After a moment of silence, I knocked again, and when he didn’t answer I entered the room myself. As soon as I opened the door, the smell of alcohol hit me like a brick.

“Dean?” I questioned, looking around for a moment.

We found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said I’ll love her till I die.
And when we buried him beneath the willow,
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

As soon as I saw his body, I screamed at the sight. He was laying lifeless on the bed, bottles of alcohol surrounding him. Normally, this wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, but I knew him and he never drank alcohol with this proof in mass quantities. He wanted to be drunk, not dead, and there was a fine line. I quickly ran over to him, shaking his body in hopes that he would wake up. There was a little bit of foam coming from his mouth, making me cry even harder than I was. My heart wasn’t ready for this sight, and it never would be. I shook him harder, knowing that whatever I did wouldn’t work. He was gone, unless I could do something about it.

“He is dead, there is nothing you can do.” I heard a monotone voice say.

“Yes there is.” I shot back in a hard tone.

Guilt started flooding my mind as my hand gently caressed his face. The tears never stopped flowing freely from my eyes, and I doubt they ever would. Just like how my guilt would never stop pouring into my mind, haunting me. This is my fault, all of it is my fault. I should’ve warned him sooner, or killed the creature earlier. I should have done something sooner, and maybe he would still be alive right now. No, not maybe, he would still be alive right now. My forehead rested on his chest, tears staining his shirt. He can’t be dead, not now, not ever. He was too important, not just to the world, but he was too important to me.

I slowly pulled myself off of him, my own emotions slowing down my actions. I went back up to his face, my thumb gently gliding across his cheek. I took a shaky breath, the weight against my chest feeling heavier than ever. I heard Cas finally leave the room, and I knew exactly what I had to do. I looked over to the floor, seeing the creature in a slightly more humanoid form. My gaze shifted back over to the one who still held my heart; Dean. My lips bushed against his cheek, and I tightly shut my eyes. The tears still fell, and how tightly I shut my eyes didn’t matter. It seemed as if nothing did anymore.

The rumours flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.
She finally drank the pain away, a little at a time,
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.
Until the night.

I took a deep breath as I tore myself away from him, looking down at him. I heard the creature chuckle lowly from the floor, taunting me. I took off the necklace he gave me when we were together, giving it a kiss before placing it in the palm of his hand. I wrote a note on the pad that was on the night stand, simply telling him that I loved him. My heart ached with each stroke of the pen, it felt as if my world was coming down on me. I took another breath as I set the pen back on the wooden stand, moving over to were the creature was laying. I bent down to its level, noticing black goo slowly leave its figure.

“You son of a bitch, you bring him back.” I demanded.

“And why would I do that?” The creature asked in an amused tone.

“Because I fucking said so.” I spoke dangerously.

“Sorry, sweetheart, that doesn’t work for me. Sweeten the deal.” The creature demanded.

“How about the satisfaction of watching me die the same way he did.” I offered.

“Hm, I like it, but you gotta give me just a little bit more.” It said, and I swore I could’ve seen a grin.

“What more could you possibly want?” I questioned, my voice breaking.

“Share your memories with me. All of them. It gets boring after a few hundred years, you know,” It spoke in a strained voice, “It’ll give me something to look back on when I get sent back to Hell.”

“Done.” I immediately said and he chuckled.

“I guess we have a deal, Sweetheart.” It said.

I felt something enter my head and pain spread through out my entire body. It was as if he was twisting my brain around, as if the thing was dissecting it. In a way, I suppose he was, how else was he able to do what he did? As the pain left my mind, a sudden and uncontrollable urge was now in it’s place. I had an urge to drink and drink until I couldn’t drink anymore. I had an urge to drink myself to death. I grabbed one of the untouched bottles that was nearby, downing it as fast as I could. I slowly felt a migraine enter my mind as I went for another bottle, downing that one as well before I could even react to the headache.

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away his memory.
Life is short but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.
We found her with her face down in the pillow,
Clinging to his picture for dear life.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow,
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

As I grabbed a third bottle, nausea travelled down to my stomach. It wasn’t enough to make me vomit up the contents of my stomach, and that was probably the creatures doing. My vision began to blur as the clear liquid burned my throat. It was an oddly comforting burn, like a promise of relief. Memories of Dean and I blurred through my mind, and I felt a tear escape from my eye. I wish I could tell him how sorry I was, I wish I could just talk to him one last time. The weight on my chest got a bit heavier, making it just that much harder to breathe properly. I felt myself grow weaker, as I grabbed a bottle that was only half-full.

I brought the bottle to my lips, only to fall back onto the bed. A little bit of the drink spilled onto the sheets around me, but I couldn’t’ve cared less about it. The clear liquid rushed into my mouth and down my throat, making me choke a little bit. When I finished the bottle, my arm went limp beside me. I heard someone stirring, and I smiled as I realized that it was Dean. He was alive, and he was going to be alright. I turned my head to look at the creature, only to see a puddle of black ooze in it’s place. A little bit of the weight left my chest as I realized that it was now dead. Nobody else was going to die because of that thing, I was going to be the last.

I didn’t know if he was awake or not, but I can die peacefully knowing that the creature kept his word. Exhaustion clouded my brain, my eyes feeling heavy. I slowly closed my eyes, feeling weaker with ever second that passed by. I was weak, but I was happy; something I haven’t felt in a long while. Darkness completely covered my vision, and I felt the life I had in my veins leave me. I didn’t see a light, or anything like that. Just darkness, but it was a comforting darkness.

A darkness that took the rest of the life I had left in me.

need to rant plz don't mind me I'm not looking for discussion just ranting

I swear this series will never stop haunting and destroying me….

So the last mother fucking episode of Na***o (I censor it for my own sake) is Hin**a’s wedding…again…why..did she not get an entire MOVIE for her and her selfish love??? Now the last episode is dedicated to her god for saken wedding…
That’s not even the worst part… I did this mistake of scrolling the tag and immediately starting crying

Sakura.. the fictional character who got me through some of my hardest school days. She inspired me so much and it kills me to this day seeing what’s become of her and this series I once loved.

Every single time I think she can’t be hurt anymore, that there’s nothing more they can do to destroy her..
I’m proven wrong every time! They show her watching all the happy couples while she is completely alone…& the only “comfort” she gets is a letter from Sasuke with the word congratulations on it..meant for N & H….. that’s what she blushes and smiles at…that’s the final scene she receives in this series.
How can anyone human being who watched/read this series from the beginning be truly ok with this scene and just overall ending… it’s pure evil and beyond cruel… Sakura the main heroine in the series, who has overcome so much and basically been sad since the beginning…she didn’t get to have a happy ending (call it what u will guys that’s no happy ending and that’s coming from someone who loved Sasuskau at a time) it’s miserable and it hurts me.

To think Hin**a the side character who really never had much to offer to the series besides holding an immense love/obsession for Nar**o got an amazingly happy ending meanwhile Sakura the actual heroine whose character actually impacted the series in many fucking ways is left with the worst ending I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t wish this ending on any character.
and we all know it doesn’t get better because she then has a child and is left to raise it alone while everyone else is a couple raising there children..it’s just like the creators truly despise Sakura and want to make her suffer in any way possible..& I know it’s just goddamn fiction and I’m insane for caring so much but it really does hurt me deeply. I loved this character so much she really was and sadly still is important to me so whenever I see how miserably she is treated and continues to be..it just hurts…

it hurts a lot and I wish I can wake up one day and not give a fuck…

okay end of rant..

Oh, my holy ghost,
how glorious it is,
to be haunted by you.
—  headstones are for the living, and darling, your name is written on mine | p.d
Journal Entry - July 14, 2017

You’re still gone. I thought I was ok, but clearly, I’m not, being hospitalized again and not seeing the point in living anymore. You can leave, fine, fuck you, but just stop haunting me. Stop haunting me with these fucking delusions and your presence that still occupies a part of my brain. Sometimes, I’ll go to say something and start speaking to you but you’re not there. I did that even before. But that was then, when I could say “Oh, I’ll just tell you that once I see you for real and it’s not some fucked up hallucination I’m talking to”. This is now. I’ll never get to tell you all these funny little things we could have shared and it doesn’t break my heart. It makes me feel like it’s been beat to a pulp until I have no pulse anymore. How could I be so stupid to rely on a single person so much when I KNOW what is always going to happen. They’ll always die, or leave or somthing else. There’s always something that will leave me on my own, all alone with nobody to count on and that hurts most of all. Everyone has someone except for me, I’m just supposed to keep myself company while I’m slowly rotting away and I fucking hate it, I fucking hate you, but you know what’s the worst part?

If you were here and needed my help I would still do anything for you. I would still bleed and die for you and that fucking hurts that you won’t do the same because I wasn’t as special to you as you were to me. I was disposable while you were all I had. God fucking damn this cruel life

 you could have it all (my empire of dirt) -  l i s t e n

studies show intelligent girls are more depressed, because they know what the world is really like (a mix for spencer and alison)

i. patron saint // regina spektor (and you know she’s never coming home) ii. haunting // halsey (i was as pure as a river but now i think i’m possessed, you put a fever inside me and i’ve been cold since you left) iii. girl with one eye // florence and the machine (i’ll cut your little heart out cause you made me cry) iv. head is not my home // ms mr (secrets lie in our way, your kiss tastes better outside the light of day) v. hurt // nine inch nails (i wear this crown of shit upon my liar’s chair) vi. bitter rivals // sleigh bells (i need you for survival) vii. lonely bones // marina and the diamonds (doesn’t mean you left us, you just grew out of your homes) viii. cake // melanie martinez (you’re filling up my senses with empty calories) ix. she used to be mine // sara bareilles (if i’m honest i know i would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two for the girl that i knew) x. esc // basecamp (a ghost from the past had come back to play) xi. miss nothing // the pretty reckless (and as I watch you disappear into the ground, my one mistake was that I never let you down) xii. better // regina spektor (born like sisters to this world in a town where blood ties are only blood) xiii. how strange // emilie autumn (you know what they say about the visions in your head and what they mean) xiv. think of you // ms mr (i still think of you and all the shit you put me through) xv. better girl // best coast (what i’m putting inside of me is making me crazier) xvi. blame me // the pretty reckless (blame all your life on me) xvii. competition // little mix (i can do it better every night and every day) xviii. somewhat damaged // nine inch nails (tried so hard to be like you) xix. girls like you // the naked and famous (everything you say is fire, all the claims you lay, you liar) xx. play date // melanie martinez (it’s getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you) xxi. opheliac // emilie autumn (you know the lies i tell when you’ve gone through hell) xxii. strange love // halsey (that’s the beauty of a secret, you know you’re supposed to keep it) xxiii. take me to church // hozier (i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies) xxiv. glory and gore // lorde (secretly you love this, do you even wanna go free?) xxv. i’m not calling you a liar // florence and the machine (just stop haunting me)

Fight or Flight (Lafayette x Reader) Chapter 7: Shadows of the Past

A/N: I’ve had quite a few people request chapter 7 and I ended up getting it out sooner than I thought I would! It was a hard one to write, but I hope you all like it! 

Trigger Warnings: Brief description of a panic attack, child neglect/abuse

Word Count: 3,202 (omg how did this happen)

Read on AO3

Masterlist

@real-hamiltrash​ Is one of this work’s biggest fans and so I just had to tag you

@theficswhereithappens​ thank you for being so supportive always and being my #1 cheerleader. It means a lot


You led the two men into the Washington Estate, where you were greeted by one of the servants.

“Good afternoon Miss Y/N, Mr. Lafayette, and…” She trailed off as she noticed your brother’s presence.

“John Laurens,” he said kindly to the lady. “And what is your name?”

“My name is Amelia, Mr. Laurens”

“She has been nothing but kind to me since I have arrived here,” You added quickly as you smiled at the woman whom you considered to be almost a friend at this point.

“I am just doing my duty Miss-“

“Oh Amelia, please! You have gone above and beyond for me and you know it. And I told you the “Miss” isn’t necessary. I am no one of importance.”

“I would have to beg to differ, mon ange,” Lafayette cut in. You rolled your eyes at him.

“You’re doing it again, Laf.”

“Doing what?” He smiled innocently.

“Oh you know exactly what you’re doing.”

“You are not wrong, mademoiselle,” he grinned at you as you rolled your eyes again, but you were not able to contain the smile that was creeping onto your lips.

“Y/N? Lafayette? Is that you?”

Keep reading

i really hate ss for the fact that it just…exist. like it has been more than 7 years and the series has ended three years ago. will this ship ever just fucking leave me alone. i want to stop being haunted by it every every single day. let me rest. it walks with me every step i take and thats not healthy.