just so everyone is clear on that

Midsummer

pairing: Ivar x Reader

fandom: vikings

warnings: smut

@nekodemon73  @kumpmk @bookswillfindyouaway


The arrival of the heathen army hadn’t left much room for festivities or happiness. With your father the king captured and your brother missing, you were the only one of the royal family left. The people desperately needed something to distract their minds from the war and the midsummer celebrations were a good way of doing just that.

 Preparations were already in motion for tonight and up until this moment everything went smoothly. That was until Ivar and his men arrived at your gates, the king at his side, and demanded entrance. There was no way to refuse them, not with your father held prisoner so you opened the front gates for them and let everyone in. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey, I know this probably sounds stupid, but do you have any ideas for reasons to stay alive? I could kinda use some right now.

1. We would miss you.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.
11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.
12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.
13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again.
19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
20. Listening to incredibly loud music
21. Being alive is just really good.
22. Not being alive is really bad.
23. Finding your soulmate.
24. Red pandas
25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
26. Really soft pillows.
27. Eating pizza in New York City.
28. Proving people wrong with your success.
29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
31. Being able to help other people.
32. Bonfires.
33. Sitting on rooftops.
34. Seeing every single country in the world.
35. Going on roadtrips.
36. You might win the lottery someday.
37. Listening to music on a record player.
38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
39. Taking really cool pictures.
40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
41. Hearing crazy stories.
42. Telling crazy stories.
43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
45. Travelling to another planet someday.
46. Having an underwater house.
47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
49. Trampolines.
50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.
51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
53. People do care.
54. Treehouses
55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse
55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
56. I don’t even know you and I love you.
57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.
58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
60. All kinds of foreign food you need to try!
61. Starbucks.
62. Hugs.
63. Stargazing.
64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.
65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.
66. Now you could change the world.
67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.
68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.
69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.
70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.
71. Making snow angels.
72. Making snowmen.
73. Snowball fights.
74. Life is what you make of it.
75. Everybody has a talent, and you could see them all.
76. Laughing until you cry.
77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.
79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down
80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.
81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
83. One day your smile will be real.
84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.
86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
87. Eating crazy food.
88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.
89. Sleeping in all day.
90. Creating something you’re proud of.
91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit
92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate
94. You could introduce two people together and they could get married. They never would have met if it wasn’t for you.
95. Cuddling under the stars.
96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
97. Feeling that feeling after you’re sick for a long time and can finally breathe through your nose.
98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years
99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

anonymous asked:

(cw: 18+ only) what can I do about being abusive?

Step one: Stop. Immediately. Get some distance from the target if you need to, do whatever you have to to just stop. Give them time and space and a chance to breathe. Let them know you’re trying to be better and willing to engage on their terms, and keep to that.

Step two: Be super, super conscientious about boundaries. Make damn sure you know where they are and respect them. This means that, if your victim simply doesn’t want to deal with you any more, you have to leave them alone. No final statements. No clearing the air. Nothing. And this isn’t just a victim thing; you need to develop that habit with everyone, until it’s second nature. This also means you’re going to need to communicate both effectively and nonthreateningly, so that you can be certain what people’s boundaries are, and they can feel safe in asserting them to you. It also means checking in regularly with people, and watching for the defensive behaviours that people tend to display when they feel threatened.

Step three: Dismantle the abusive behaviours. Figure out what makes you behave that way, and find a healthier avenue for that. In the short term, this might be as simple as pulling away when you see it coming; in the long term you’re gonna need to build entirely new behaviour patterns. As a simple and fairly minor but far-reaching example: Present options, not decisions, and get solid affirmative consent.

This is broad strokes, not covering every step along the path. There’s a lot of subtle details to all of these, and a lot of things that will vary depending on the specific nature of the abuse and the relationship. If you want to come to us with more specifics, we’ll try to address things more specifically. If you’d rather talk privately, feel free to come off anon; as long as you’re honestly trying to fix this and do better, we’ll do our best to be safe to talk to. Do note, however, that we’re gonna be occupied for the next couple hours.

None of this is easy. It’s gonna be hard as fuck, every step of the way. But it will be the most worthwhile thing you’ve ever done. I’m not going to - I can’t - absolve you of anything you’ve done, Nonny. But you’re trying to break the cycle and stop hurting people, and for that I’m proud of you.

EDIT: We know some of our followers and mutuals have advice and resources for this; please contribute.

anonymous asked:

Iiaat thing that when my mom asked to put something in the dryer I just put it in there and didn't turn it on. Apparently to everyone else it was very obvious that I should've turned it on, but she didn't explicitly say that!! So how was I supposed to know that I should do that.

Yeah, that can be an autistic thing. You did what you were explicitly told (putting the thing in the dryer) but missed the implicit instruction (turning it on). I do that a lot, and I found asking “do you want me to start it?” helps clear those up.

(My aunt was telling me there were cookies on the counter yesterday, and I was like “why are you telling me this???” then I realized she was probably either telling me so I could get them for her and asked “Do you want me to bring them to you?” and got a yes. Which I would not have known to do at all. Sometime allistics really suck at asking us to do things.)

- Os

Just think about whenever Yuuri and Viktor kissed each other’s rings, it was their own way of saying I love you. The words never needed to be said out loud because it was pretty clear. Everyone around them knew, their friends and family, even spectators at competitions. Their love was so strong that it never needed to be said because it was evident all along. 

Maybe one day when they’re at home and they don’t have to worry about the pressures of life, one of them lets the three words tumble out of their mouth. It’s surprising to hear them being said after going so long without needing to say them. But it’s so very important and the words are returned, filled with so much love and affection. 

After that, those three words still aren’t said too much but every once in a while, it’s a wonderful thing to hear. Being able to listen to the words, ‘I love you’ even though they already know. 

chenrise  asked:

You've already proved that the L in your EXO-L stands for EXO-Love but now you're showing us all that it also stands for EXO-Logic. Fans and antis alike been EXO-Losing It™ and you're the tree in the storm that manages to stay upright but still moves enough to show what direction the wind is blowing. Your theories behind what the heckity heck is going on have the hope we need for the short term but the reason we need to make it through long term.

I don’t even know what to say to this because it’s so sweet ?? Thank you so much!!

I’m just trying to offer my own opinion on the mess that is happening because even though I am just as upset about all of this as everyone else and just as worried, I don’t like the number of people I’m seeing assuming the worst of the worst. Saying that this is proof that Yixing is going to leave exo; it isn’t. Yixing has made it clear he is never going to leave exo if he can help it, his contract doesn’t even end until 2022 and SM have made it very clear with Kris, Luhan and Tao that they don’t like having contracts cut short.

This is a shitty messy situation but it’s not the end of exo or of Yixing as a part of exo. Really I think this is just the knock on effect of the political tensions between China and Korea effecting SM’s scheduling.

EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say our goodbyes to our dear friend America, who died recently after a brief, intense battle with fascism and a long, slow battle with carbs. Thank you all for coming out to help say farewell. It’s not easy. But at least America died doing what it loved most: deep-frying Halloween candy while white men tried to explain to women what jazz is.

America was sick for a really long time. In the early stages, I think we were all in denial. You could tell that America was unwell—public displays of brutality, deeply internalized prejudice, “Entourage”—but it seemed curable. Just a case of plain old electile dysfunction. We thought that we’d caught the fascism early, but, as we now know, it had metastasized. America was more Florida than country by the end.

America was born right here, in America, and lived here its entire life. America was always about family. It is survived by its similarly ill father, Britain, and its large brood of children: baseball, Google, fireworks, losing your fingers to fireworks, giving your Uber driver only four stars because he talked to you, thinking granola is healthy, Chicago (the place), “Chicago” (the musical), “Chicago” (the movie adaptation of the musical), Chicago (the band), “Chicago Fire,” “Chicago Med,” “Chicago P.D.,” “Chicago Justice,” “Chicago ‘Chicago’ ” (a show about the Chicago production of the musical “Chicago,” coming to NBC this fall), and a bunch of wars.

I’d personally be nowhere without America. America was there when I was born, when I got married, when I saw Janet Jackson’s nipple at the Super Bowl. Remember that? After that happened, none of us slept for days, because we had never seen the pointy part of a boob on our TVs before, and it really upset us. America was really cool that way. It would always get mad when you’d see the pointy part of a boob on a TV. I’m gonna miss that.

However, we should not dwell on the loss of our dear country, friend, and place where all the Cheesecake Factories and Lids stores are. Today, let’s celebrate America’s life, and remember all of the remarkable things it accomplished and how many actors playing Spider-Man who keep getting cuter and younger were inside of it. America gave us so much. And, boy, did it look good for its age. America was two hundred and forty-one years old when it died, but it didn’t look a day over a hundred and sixty-four! It looked so young, it could’ve been the very same America that put its own citizens in internment camps!

America got a bunch of things really right. Mostly how to put food inside other food. Anyone can just eat a chicken. But in a duck?! In a turkey?! In a gun?! No one is going to forget the Turduckenun any time soon. America was so inventive that way. And, I mean, everyone does silly stuff when they’re young. America was beautiful, too. Sure, it was a little lumpy, and you could always see its Florida through its pants, but it just got hotter with age. So hot. It was so, so hot by the time it died. Almost too hot to live in.

If there’s anything we should take away from this tragedy, it’s that you should always check yourself for fascism, especially around your midsection. It’s easy enough to do in the shower. If you catch it early, it can be cleared up with a rigorous regimen of local elections and books and yoga. But America was cocky. Nothing bad had ever happened to it before! It assumed this fascism would pass, just like the Second World War and “Entourage” had.

What a shame. America was just the best damn country in the whole U.S.A. I’m sorry that I’m getting choked up. I get really emotional when I think of America, and also I took too big of a bite of Turduckenun and it got lodged in my windpipe. We will all miss America greatly. Every time I see an American flag or a gun, I’ll think of America. But we can all rest easy knowing America is in a better place now: Russia.

Anxiety ruins you. 
It turns a simple or nonexistent situation, into a catastrophe.
It rips you from sleep.
To the point where it makes you sick because you’re so tired.
It creates problems 
that aren’t even there.
It’s like having a little devil on your shoulder. All the time, whispering what could go wrong. And what a nuisance you are,
And how awful you are.
So you start to repeat all the bad things about yourself.
“Nobody wants you around”
“You’re so boring”
“You’re ugly”
“Everyone is sick of you”
“Your boyfriend is going to get tired of dealing with this
“You’re a mess all the time, how could anyone love that?”
“Their lives would be better if you just went far away”
Should I go away?
It makes you angry over little things.
It ruins your relationship because you’re always worried about everything.
It makes you just want to be alone.
To distance yourself.
All of this is going on in your head,
But all people see is a polite smile.
Anxiety ruins you.
And it’s so damn tiring.
To fight a battle inside your head,
Every
Single 
Day.
Mix this with your own version of depression
Now that’s just a recipe for disaster.
Look at that.
You’re pushing everyone away.
But you’re not doing anything about it
It’s not that you don’t care
You just care too much
In your head your a nuisance
So you must stop annoying everyone
They don’t leave so you have to make the sacrifice and leave them
Anxiety and depression causes self-destruction
You must clear the way to avoid casualties
Stay away from everyone.
the best parts of the raven boys (featuring me crying)

- adam and ronan literally dragging each other on moving dollys behind the bmw like what nerds

- “if it had a social security number, ronan had fought with it”

- noah told them like 400 times that he was dead why was this news

- ronan being so extra about picking fights with declan. school? sure. monmouth? hell yea. nino’s parking lot? let’s fuckin go!!!

- the first thing blue ever sees ronan do is run into the light hanging above the booth at nino’s #clumsygay™

- ronan’s number on the nino’s bathroom stall door (honestly what the fuck)

- president cell phone

- gansey describing his friends as “the sulky one” and “the smudgy one”

- take a shot every time blue or adam call gansey condescending 

Keep reading

6

The level of questioning I was under, coming at such young age. People asking me, “What do you think of this? Who are you, who are you, who are you?” I felt so inadequate because I just didn’t have answers yet. I had so many friends who had a clear sense of self. Who knew that they liked certain things, like the smell of grass, or what their favorite color was. I envied those girls because I was so unsure of myself. I questioned everything. I was terrified by the level of interest in me. I spent most of my time trying to convince everyone I was incredibly boring because I needed privacy and a minute to figure myself out. — Happy 27th Birthday Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson! (April 15, 1990)

Sorry for all the langst if ya don't like it buttttt..

SPOILERS AHEAD

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Can we just talk about the comic for a second? I would first like to pull into attention this panel

here they are talking about the sphynx’s riddle. Its a little hard to see, but that is in fact Lance talking. he mentions how his heart has been broken before but is now stronger. First of all, I thought like, holy quiznak thats out of character?? but maybe its not, maybe he is for once being real? I dont know, I might be over thinking this one, but its okay becuase overthinking is fun. To me it also sounds like maybe a cry for help, given the probable context of the next one.

okay, when I read this page, my entire being pretty much died. like, okay. Its pretty damn obvious here, not only is the sphynx calling lance out for being pathetic, but Lance doesn’t disagree. Again, something that is pretty out of character for this kid, given how he acted when they were rescuing the princess from earlier. This guy knows what goes on in Lance’s head, and after saying that, Lance couldn’t argue because he views himself as pathetic as well. this rounds back to season two when they are trying to get Slav out of prison, when he talks about being a seventh wheel.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is, Lance obviously has something going on. Not only is he homesick, but he can also feel himself being pushed aside, like he kinda was in season two, and kinda in general. and none of that helps with the self doubt and possibly even hate that he already has for himself. He is very good at not letting it show through, but I honestly think there are some serious mental issues happening with him. And, seeing as though this show isn’t afraid of making Shiro’s PTSD clear, I’m pretty sure that Lance’s insecurities are much much more than just that. That they are so bad that he feels he has to pretend to be someone else just to seem happy. 


But I could be completely wrong, he could simply be thinking about the thousands of hours hes probably wasted  watching cat videos. I guess we will find out though, huh? Just some food for thought, good night everyone!

(on a lighter note, I think o see some Klance goin on in the first pic too~)

Real talk for a second. 

Now, I’ve never been an avid Tumblr user until this blog and my God have I never been so invested in a fandom (both with the actual content and its people), however I have been an observer, so let’s just put that out there. But Power Rangers, yes, Power Rangers, has changed that drastically. I’ve found a home in this fandom and I’d go as far as to say I’ve made a little family along the way.

I’ve always had a habit of joining a fandom too late and not feeling brave enough to approach people and to make friends and share content without abandon, but I somehow managed to join this one at just the right time. However, I doubt there even is a wrong time to join this fandom. Everyone is so inclusive and welcoming and understanding and just lovely

And I firmly believe that is down to the Power Rangers film itself and what it represents. Unity. Inclusivity. Individuality. 

“Different colors! Different kids! Different-colored kids!”

This film was more than just a ‘nostalgia flick’ or another run of the mill action film. It had clear cut story-lines, diverse characters and showed their development (both individually and as a team), it had depth, but most of all, it had representation. You know, that thing that the internet is always complaining that films and TV shows never have? Well, the Power Rangers had it. 

Four out of five of the Rangers were POC, they had a canon autistic character and a canon queer character (both POC; Black and Latina respectively). They had a male Asian superhero lead, the first Indian superhero, the first autistic superhero, the first queer superhero to hit mainstream media, and for the latter two to be POC as well? Do you not know how important that is? 

Let me just repeat that: Do you not know how important that is? And do you know what the internet did when they were finally presented with the representation they are always, always asking for?

They slept on it.

Just remember...

Lapis and Peridot are happily living together, on their own, away from everyone else…

Originally posted by giffing-lazuli

…sharing their lives in harmony…

Originally posted by musical-gopher

…looking out for each other…

Originally posted by roses-fountain

…and sharing hobbies…

Originally posted by ditto132

…as well as raising a pet/”child” together (depending on your interpretation)…

Originally posted by entediadoateamorte

…and making a good team…

…as well as always being so in-sync with each other…

Originally posted by estufar

…with a very clear, mutual attraction…

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

…and those other not-too-subtle romantic undertones…

Originally posted by ask-tjfang

…they’re destined for each other 💙💚

Play Me // A Dylan O’Brien Smut

Relationship: Dylan O’Brien x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Daddy Kink, Oral (both), Spanking, Teasing, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Unprotected Sex, and Swearing.

Word Count: 4,915

Song: Despacito by Luis Fonsi Ft. Daddy Yankee and Justin Bieber

A/N: This is 100% because of the video that came out. The second I saw him playing the drums again, my mind immediately went to sin. I MEAN FUUUCK LOOK AT THIS GIF PEOPLE, HOW CAN IT NOT? Also, thanks to @stilinski-jpeg for keeping me sane throughout the writing process of this fic. Love you so much! 💖

In case you haven’t seen the video or you want to watch it again on loop if you’re like me. 

Fuck, I moaned internally as I watched him lick his plump lips in pure concentration, an immediate ache already rushing to my core just at the sight of Dylan’s sinful tongue.

His fingers were curled around the drumsticks and his muscles were flexed against his biceps with each movement he made as he played the drums in front of me. It took every piece of discipline I had in me to continue playing my saxophone and not toss it on the ground just to throw myself at him. Dylan had such an effect on me that I was constantly turned on whenever I was around him — and he doesn’t even have to do much to get me worked up. Just the way he is can get me easily horny alone.

It all started the night we first created this blues band. He was the drummer we recruited along with his friends Thomas and Dexter for strings and vocals. The three were undoubtedly talented and the perfect additions to our band, but Dylan… he was the perfect addition to my body. That first night the entire band partied to celebrate the arrivals and drinks were the main theme. One thing led to the other and, the next thing I knew, I was rushed into the nearest bathroom and being pushed up against the closed door. Dylan’s calloused hands gripping my leg and hitching it across his waist as he pounds into me mercilessly, fucking me so hard that I couldn’t walk the next day.

His eyes looked up at me for the slightest second and I could see the small smirk dangling from the corner of his lips, my breath hitching in my throat and disrupting my saxophone playing. Dylan noticed the way his smirk made me feel the need to press my thighs together and decided to play even dirtier by winking. I immediately moaned which came out as a strangled note from my instrument. The entire band looked at me with judgemental eyes at my horrid playing, but I was too busy focusing on Dylan chuckling lowly to himself.

“Alright!” I frustratedly shouted, surprising everyone in the studio. “Can we just please take a break from jamming right now? We’ve been at this for hours!”

Our vocalist shrugged carelessly and looked to his fellow bandmates, all shrugging as well before Tommy spoke up. “I guess we should. Maybe we can get something to eat?”

“Yes!” Dexter sat up from his stool, smacking his hands together. “Let’s go to that restaurant we had dinner at yesterday! They had the fucking best chicken fried rice.”

Everyone else agreed, each sharing the food they desperately wanted to eat there again. Well, all except for Dylan and I who were too busy staring at one another, lust burning our pupils to the point of no return. His eyes dipped for the slightest second to rake all over my body, gazing at the low-cut in my crop top before his eyes returned to mine with a cocky grin now invading his pink lips.

“You know, I think we should play our song one more time.” Dylan spoke up, his eyes never leaving me. My own narrowed, immediately understanding how much he still wanted to tease me. “To get it perfect before we officially record it.”

Again, everyone shrugged and agreed with his suggestion. Usually, I love how open they all are for anything but not today, not when I desperately want to feel Dylan’s dick twitching inside of me again as it quickly rubs against my tight walls.

“No, I think we should eat.” I counterparted, pulling the strap of the saxophone off my neck and placing the instrument in its case. “We need the break.”

“Maybe you need the break, kitten.” He raised an eyebrow tauntingly. “I mean, you do seem tense. What’s gotten you all worked up?”

The glare I gave him was nothing short of intense and full of raging fire. He and I both knew what he was doing, especially since he used that damn nickname that did inexplicable things to me. The entire band’s eyes were fixed on me and Dylan used the opportunity to run his fingers over his scruff as he winked yet again, fully aware of his power against me.

Fine then, two can play at this game.

“Having to constantly blow.” I retorted and it was my turn to smirk when his eyes widened. “The instrument, I mean.”

“Well I think you blow just perfectly.”

I was certainly glad that everyone else in the room was terrible at picking up on our innuendos and the incredibly strong sexual tension between Dylan and I. We haven’t exactly told anyone about us yet — mainly because we don’t even know if there is an us. We’ve been hooking up whenever it was convenient but with Dylan’s crazy schedule, it’s been pretty hard to maintain a physical relationship let alone possibly start an emotional one.

“Just one more?” Dylan teased and my mind immediately went to all of the times I begged him to quit pleasuring me when I was already so overstimulated, but he just kept going at it. “And then, I’ll- we’ll stop.”

“Just. One. More.” I stated through clenched teeth.

Picking up my instrument again, Dylan’s eyes were hooked on me as I licked my lips and wrapped them around the tip of my saxophone. The rest of the band members prepared themselves again and Dylan tapped his drumsticks three times to indicate the starting tempo. As soon as he was finished, we were all off and the song started playing beautifully. Despite not missing and mistaking a single note, Dylan and I focused on each other instead of our instruments. The walls of the studio were shaking at how loudly he was playing, each bang vibrating through the floor and into my body. It only made the aching in my core grow even more uncomfortable as it vibrated my cunt, forcing me to hold back any moan I wanted to release.

I watched as his head nodded along with the rhythm he created, his knees bouncing up and down as his feet continuously slammed on the bass pedal to carry the entire beat of the song. I hated to admit it, but our music would be nothing without Dylan’s talented drum skills. He was undoubtedly enjoying himself, the melody completing taking over his body… except for the eyes boring into mine that is.

Fuck, it should be illegal to look that fucking good playing the drums.

I thanked the Lord when the song was finally over and I managed to play every single note without letting Dylan distract me, despite almost falling prey to him many times. He put the drumsticks down on the floor and picked up the green bottle of beer from it instead, his lips pouting as he took a long sip. I was practically drooling at the sight of his adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallowed the bitter liquid. Everyone else, including me, put their instruments away for the time being.

“Time for grub!” Dexter celebrated and the entire room boomed with laughter at his excitement for food. Normally, I would be right there with him but at this moment all I could truly focus on were the way Dylan’s eyes were calling me.

“You guys go ahead.” Dylan stated, standing up. “I think I’d rather eat Chipotle.”

“You sure?” Tommy asked, everybody already at the door. “You should come eat with us so you’re not alone.”

“He won’t be alone. I’ll go with him.” I spoke up, clearing my throat. “Gotta have those delicious chicken cutlets.”

“Suit yourselves.” He shrugged, guiding everyone out of the studio and closing its door behind them.

It was as if the second that door sealed shut, every bit of sexual tension we were trying to keep to ourselves was released out into the air. Just the thought of what was undeniably about to happen next made my pulse accelerate, my heart pounding against my chest. I wasn’t the only one effected as I watched Dylan take slow steps towards me as if I were a magnet pulling him in closer and closer. He was practically undressing me with his eyes and usually I would blush at such a forward act, but now right now. Right now, all I want him to do is give into the lustful things his eyes are telling me.

“So,” I broke the silence, my breath unstable as he finally reached me and placed his hand on the small of my back. His lips brushing against my neck, making goosebumps cover my skin. “How about we go eat take out?”

“No, kitten.” He whispered, my body shivering at the feeling of his lips touching my ear. “I’d rather eat you out, instead.”

Dylan’s mouth immediately moved to mine and he crashed his lips against my own. I couldn’t help but moan into our sudden kiss, throwing my arms around his neck. His skillful lips meshed with mine in such a fiery and passionate pace, he almost made me lose my balance. My hands didn’t just remain on his neck as he successfully seduces me, but ventured over his back and explored the amazing feeling of his flexed muscles pressed against my palm. Our breaths mingled before Dylan licked my bottom lip with his tongue and I instinctively opened it for his tongue to have its very welcome entrance. I could taste the alcohol in his mouth along with the mint from his toothpaste and all of my senses were heightened, begging for more of him.

I broke the kiss, but he chose to continue teasing me as his lips moved to my jaw then my neck. Not even bothering to hide the fact that he was currently creating a purple bruise on my skin with his smooth assaults. My fingers gripped onto his back, my nails digging into our band’s t-shirt. He chuckled on my neck and I instantly whimpered at the resonance.

“Please, I have been unbelievably horny since the moment you walked through that door today.” I moaned. “Just fucking do something already.”

“Patience, kitten.” Dylan retorted, his fingers moving to the hem of my high-waisted skirt just to tease me. “Good things come to those who wait.”

“Not when their friends will be back soon.” I mewled.

“Honestly, they could walk in on us fucking and I wouldn’t even stop.” Dylan nibbled on my ear. “Now, kitten, tell me all of the things you want my mouth to do to you. Teach me your favorite places.”

“You already know my favorite places, Dylan.” I responded and definitely didn’t miss the cocky grin he played on my skin.

“Just because of that impeccable response I’ll give you want you want, babygirl.” He whispered huskily before moving his hands to the back of my knees and lifting me up.

This time I was the one who started the desperate kiss as he walked forwards, my back suddenly hitting the wall behind me. I lost my rhythm with his lips and failed to remain the dominant one when his hands massaged the back of my thighs, sparking more desire throughout my entire body. Just as I was about to try and get my power back, Dylan unexpectedly broke our kiss. Our panting breaths hitting each other’s faces before he started to push me up. I looked at him with wide eyes, but allowed him to do whatever it is he’s planning to do. The next thing I know, I’m so high up that he wraps my legs around his neck.

With my legs dangling over his shoulders, Dylan moved one of his hands to my inner thigh and purposely drummed his fingers on my skin before reached the area closest to my core. I bucked my hips for him to do more and, to my surprise, he actually did. Dylan suddenly ripped apart the thong I wore and felt no remorse towards ruining something I owned, and, honestly, neither did I. I was so glad there finally wasn’t anything keeping him from touching me anymore that I didn’t even bother to think about the consequences.

“Fuck, you weren’t kidding about how horny you are.” Dylan chuckled, certainly staring at the arousal covering my cunt. My hips twitched the second his finger swiped through my slick folds and a shameless moan fell from my lips when he licked his wet finger with his tempting tongue. “God, kitten, you always taste so damn good.”

“P-Please.” I begged.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” Dylan smirked, nibbling my outer lips. “I know that I’m a drummer and I’m good with my hands, but damn kitten.”

“And I’m a saxophone player, I’m very good with my mouth.” I retorted, raking my fingers through his dark strands. “Which I’ll gladly use on you if you just give me what I want.”

“Well, you certainly have a way with words, babygirl.” He stated before finally doing what I wanted him to by swiping his tongue up my core, my vocal chords releasing the most animalistic moan the second the tip of his tongue touched my clitoris. “Damn, you sing the second I touch you.” He chuckled. “Kinda like playing the piano.”

“Then, play me.”

The last thing I saw was Dylan’s pupils dilate just before he dipped his head under the fabric of my skirt along with his hand and began his mind-boggling pleasure on my core. His tongue created fast and steady circles on my sensitive nub, immediate pleasure striking through my veins. However, my body buzzed intensely the moment he pushed a finger into my soaking heat and pumped it repeatedly. My eyes instantly shut tight and chose to only focus on the feelings he was creating inside of me.

I squirmed and my hips bucked involuntarily, my own fingers clutching onto his hair. He grunted at the harsh feeling and my lungs immediately gasped when the vibration of his voice rippled through my core and initiated the build up now invading me. I could feel my nipples hardening against the cheap fabric of my bra and I desperately wanted to pinch them in between my fingers — which is exactly what I did after I let go of him to rip apart my blouse along with my laced bra. Dylan couldn’t exactly see what I had just done, but he definitely put two and two together at the sound of the tearing fabric and didn’t hold back his moan. Letting what remained of my shirt and bra fall to the ground and playing with my nipples in my fingers, I felt as Dylan added another one of his in me. He increased the pressure and the pace, giving more power to my build up.

“F-Fuck, baby.” I moaned audaciously. “Just like that.”

He followed my request and continued moving his two fingers in my tight cunt rapidly, but his lips however wrapped around my clit. His tongue still licked and played with it as well, but now he had added his sinful mouth to the mix. My sensitive nub enjoyed the attention it was getting from Dylan, flashing pure thrill and bliss straight to my build up.

Carefully hearing out how responsive I was being, Dylan decided to do more when he knew I was ready for it. He scissored his two fingers inside of me and I screamed, my body already shaking with its arriving orgasm. Dylan’s addictive movements in my cunt only stopped right when he knew I was going to cum and curled the tips of his fingers against my walls instead, the perfect amount of pressure I needed to fall into my release.

I didn’t expect Dylan to stop as I came, but I certainly did expect him to when I finished. However, he did not halt his actions at all. In fact, Dylan only increased them. His hand removed itself from my core and returned its post on my thigh along with the other one. He pulled back from the wall and my own hands immediately flew to his hair for stability, but I didn’t make it in time. Although his grip on my thighs were incredibly strong enough and wouldn’t let me completely fall, I couldn’t help but squeal when the top half of my body dropped down, by back now resting on his legs.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get more intense, Dylan slipped his tongue into my cunt and I urgently wrapped my arms around the back of his knees. The new position enhanced everything he was doing to me, expanding my pleasure by one-hundred percent. I whimpered and mewled at Dylan’s invasive touch, considering how overstimulated I was. But, he didn’t stop his attempt at giving me more than one consecutive orgasm.

His tongue was deep in me, constantly brushing my g-spot, and he licked around my walls, definitely enjoying my taste by the way he moaned continuously along with me. My back arched and my legs shook again at the feeling of his tongue literally fucking me just as Dylan’s thumb applied unbelievable pressure on my incredibly swollen clitoris. Not only making me reach my orgasm and cum, but literally fucking gush. My immense arousal squirted out of my cunt, certainly soaking his entire face.

This time Dylan did stop, but only when he deemed ready. My core was throbbing intensely as he walked us over to his drumming bench and asked me to place my hands on them for him to pull my legs off of his shoulders and carefully settle them on the floor without the risk of hurting me nor letting me fall. Once he laid my legs on the ground, my butt involuntarily sitting down too, I watched with hooded eyes as he pulled his shirt off his body and used it wipe his face clean.

“Take your skirt off, kitten.” He commanded, unbuttoning his khakis and letting them drop to the floor.

“Yes, daddy.” I bit down on my lip, enjoying the view of him momentarily losing his shit at the nickname just as he stepped out of his pants pooling at his feet.

“Daddy, huh? Just when I thought you couldn’t get any sexier…” He smirked, taking taunting steps towards me. “Now, why don’t you kneel here in front of daddy?”

I didn’t say anything, I just changed my position to settle on my hands and knees and slowly crawled in his direction. The feeling of my skin scraping against the rug burned, but I chose to ignore it. I could see the huge bulge in his grey boxer-briefs create a wet stain with his increasing precum at how the sight turned him on beyond compare and it boosted me to sway my hips more, my confidence growing. Dylan’s hand moved down to his crotch and he slowly palmed himself over the fabric before becoming impatient and pulling down his boxers just enough to start touching himself. Immediate heat and lust rushed back to my core at the way he pumped his own dick, my mouth drooling at his actions.

Once I reached him, I placed my hands on his bare thighs to steady myself as I settled just on my knees, the rug digging into my skin. Our eyes were locked together, my mouth inching closer to his shaft. He didn’t stop masterbating even when I took his tip into my mouth and sucked profusely, his throat making its own strangled noises. My tongue licked the precum off of his slit and Dylan’s hips bucked, involuntarily​ pushing a little more of him inside my mouth. I swatted his hand away and he let both of his hands run through my hair as I took in as much of his cock as I could. Dylan gathered my hair together in a temporary ponytail and whilst my mouth bobbed his dick rapidly, my tongue would constantly graze against his prominent vein on the underside of his member.

“Shit, kitten.” Dylan moaned, bucking his hips faster. “Your talented lips feel so fucking good around my cock. Thank God you’re so invested in playing the saxophone.”

I moaned around his staff and he immediately growled at the intense vibration, his hand gripping tighter in my hair. Impatient with letting me be in control, Dylan pulled my hair back roughly, my head going along with it. Then he, suddenly, pushed my head right back to take him in again deeply — so deeply that his swollen tip lodged in the back of my throat. Dylan created this new pace where he would pull my hair to guide his dick in and out along with his thrusts. The stinging pain on my scalp from his harsh pulling did not overpower the lust inside of me and I willingly allowed Dylan to use my mouth as a damn fucktoy.

“Fuck me, babygirl.” He grunted before unexpectedly pulling me back and not letting me take him in my mouth anymore.

Suddenly, Dylan tore my grip away from his thighs and let my hair go. He took a step back, my palms immediately landing flat out on the floor to keep from falling. The strands of my hair swayed to the front of my face as he stepped out of his boxers and walked behind me. I heard him fall to his own knees and, without any warning, a loud sound of Dylan’s palm slapping against my skin echoed in the room along with the sound of my scream at the stinging pain of just getting spanked.

“God, I fucking love your ass.” Dylan confessed, sinking his teeth into my cheeks and letting go right after another scream escaped my lips.

“Jesus Christ, Dylan.” I grunted, already out of breath. “Just stop teasing and shove your dick inside of me already.”

“Did you just call me Dylan?” He tisked and I could picture him shaking his head. “You know that’s not what I want, babygirl. Which means I won’t give you want you want.”

“N-No, I’m sorry!” I whined. “Daddy, please.”

Dylan surprised me when he pushed just his tip inside of me, my core pulsing around him. However, he stopped teasingly and it drove me absolutely crazy. I tried bucking my hips back, but Dylan just grabbed my waist roughly and halted my attempts.

“Come on, daddy.” I whimpered at the feeling of his dick throbbing. “Just fuck me.”

“Like this?” Dylan asked, slowly pushing in until he was buried to the hilt before pulling back out at the same agonizing pace. He did this a few times and my body begged for more, not able to withstand the slow rate.

“Faster.” I begged impatiently. “You know how I like it rough.”

Dylan moaned at my commands, but continued his vehement torture anyway and I wasn’t having anymore of it. Bringing my hands back, I ripped Dylan’s off my waist and he almost lost his balance at my sudden movement. Pulling his dick out of me, I pushed him to lie down on the rug and threw my legs over his hips to straddle him. Both of my knees settled on the rug and Dylan’s eyes widened at me before they narrowed with a growing smirk.

“Damn-” He began to speak, but my finger flew to his lips and stopped him from continuing his sentence. His eyebrows quirked in curiosity and I simply gave him the most smug grin I could put together.

“I’m in charge now.”

Dylan’s dick twitched in between my thighs at my new confidence and his hands flew to my hips, allowing me to do whatever I damn pleased. I grabbed his shaft before positioning it at my entrance and sitting down on him until I felt his balls on my ass. His head instantly fell back to the ground, his eyes shutting tight. Thanks to how fucking wet I was from just having two orgasms (and counting), it wasn’t hard to glide him in and out of me. Both of our throats erupting into uncontrollable moans and neither one of us had the intention to stop.

My hands were splattered out on his chest, my nails raking down his skin and digging into it as his own fingers gripped my hips tightly to help guide me. I bounced up and down on his cock, the wet sound of skin meeting every time my cheeks came into contact with his balls. Dylan growled lowly whenever my nails created stinging shapes in his flesh. My build up returned stronger than ever, already licking at my veins. Dylan could sense how close I was from how I tightened around his shaft and his eyes opened, a sense of mischief pooling in them.

One of his hands made its way to our repeatedly connecting bodies and everything inside of me jerked the moment his fingers applied rough pleasure on my clit. A flash of heat spread through my body as I screamed, not able to hide how much I loved his addictive advances. However, it was when Dylan sat up and not only changed the angle but pushed me back a little so he could attach his mouth onto my breast that the build up won. My arms wrapped around his neck to keep some sort of balance as my body violently shook with its intense orgasm. I continued to bounce on his dick and Dylan grunted loudly when I clenched around it. His teeth bit my nipple harshly and I screamed, all of my senses dancing on the surface of my skin.

Even as my body fell limp and stopped moving, Dylan didn’t. His hand on my hips wrapped around my waist and elevated my body slightly before thrusting up into me. At this point, I couldn’t even control the overwhelming amount of screams falling from my lips along with his name.

“That’s right, kitten.” He managed to say through moans. “Scream my name and forget every other name that exists. I’m the only one that can fuck you like this.”

I felt that same flash of heat again, followed by another and another as he continued to thrust up into my g-spot, his cock rubbing so fucking deliciously against my tight walls that it made me want to cry. No crashing waves and no build up, this time a violent pleasure tore through me. A whiplash of ecstasy snapping at my clit and spreading everywhere. Dense streams of cum slithered down my legs and I noticed as it soaked him, dripping down his cock, covering his balls and pooling over his thighs.

His fingers changed its pace on my overly sensitive nub and I crashed again, falling deep into the abyss of euphoria. Each climax was unique and when the final one was drawn out of me, I actually cried — like literally. My tears rolled down my flushed cheeks. My lungs hurt at the lack of air. My throat was dry from screaming too much. My lips were raw from the insane amount of kissing and biting down on them. And every joint in my body ached.

When he noticed I couldn’t handle anymore, Dylan pulled himself out and laid me down on the floor. I was completely out of breath and unable to move my body, but I still watched with hooded eyes as he crawled over me. Each of his knees settling beside my shoulders, his hands moving down to my head and grabbing my hair.

“Do you wanna taste daddy’s cum, kitten?” He teased and I immediately nodded. “I’m gonna need you to say it.”

“Yes, daddy.” I spoke up, my hands holding onto the back of his knees. “Fuck my mouth.”

That’s all the incentive he needed to shove his dick into my mouth and I gladly welcomed it back. Dylan used his hand on my head in synch with his thrusts to control how deep he wants to go. Because he was already so close to his edge from constantly feeling my cunt tighten around him, Dylan was already falling off of it in a matter of seconds. It only took a few thrusts and my mouth hollowing out as my tongue constantly licked his sensitive tip. Dylan’s hot release immediately shot out of his slit and landed on my palate, the delicious salty taste of his cum making me moan.

“God, no one can give a blowjob like you, babygirl.” Dylan whispered huskily, laying back down on the floor beside me.

The sexual tension in the air eased down and was replaced with pure bliss, both of our chests rising and falling with heavy breaths. All of a sudden, Dylan turned around and nudged his face amongst my shoulders. Goosebumps making its ways on my skin at the feeling of his hot breath against my neck as he wrapped a lazy arm around my waist.

“What'cha doing there, Dyl?” I asked curiously.

“Breathing in your neck because you always smell so good.” He shrugged.

“Well, I’m just gonna pretend that’s not a weird thing to say.” I chuckled and he laughed with me.

“Sorry.” He smiled, placing a chaste kiss on my skin. “Would you rather I whisper things into your ear so you remember them when you’re not with me?”

“Hmm, that would be nice.” I smiled before it turned into a grin. “But, I’d rather go eat that take out.”

Mine

Originally posted by worldstyles

REQUEST: Jealous Harry smut

HARRY’S TEXTS // (Y/N)’S TEXTS

Keep reading

I’m gonna hop on the “Humans are Weird” train before it completely dies. I haven’t seen anyone post something along these lines, but apologies if you have, and I just haven’t seen it.

So imagine if their was an aliens species that didn’t cough or sneeze. Only creatures from Earth did that. Maybe they don’t breath the same, or they clear their throats differently, doesn’t matter.

So, on one human’s first day as a crew member of the alien’s spacecraft, there is a quiet moment, and you swallow your spit wrong. It’s happened to all of us at least once before, but the aliens don’t know what’s happening.

So, now all the aliens are coming together to drag him to med bay, and he can’t tell them that he’s fine, since he’s coughing so hard. So he'sjust resisting them and trying to let it pass, but everyone else is just like,
“We must take the human to the doctor before he dies of this horrible disease!”

Imagine John Watson from BBC Sherlock made it clear on many, many occasions that he does not like the color yellow. And then, out of nowhere, viewers started to get into a heated debate about what John’s favorite color is. “Clearly his favorite color is blue!” the majority insists. “He said he doesn’t like yellow…. it’s the only logical conclusion.” – “Hey, wait a second,” the minority hesitates. “He never said what his favorite color is… we just know it’s not yellow… why do you assume it’s blue? It could be green. Or red. And why are you so adamant everyone agree on this? Why does it matter to you?” – “There you go getting all worked up,” the majority says again. “It’s not our fault you keep misunderstanding the obvious. His favorite color is blue. He told us.” – “No, he clearly didn’t.” – “Yes, he did.” – “No, he told us he didn’t like yellow.” – “Same thing.” – “No, it’s not.” – “His favorite color is BLUE, ANYTHING ELSE IS A CHEAP DISMISSAL OF HIS CHARACTER, you can pretend all you want that he likes green, or red, or whatever else, but it is CANON that his favorite color is BLUE and it has been for A CENTURY, ANY EFFORT TO PROVE THE CONTRARY IS A SLIGHT ON DOYLE HIMSELF.” – “Yikes, what are you talking about?? You sound like an actual crazy person!”

And now imagine this goes on forever.

Welcome to the Sherlock Fandom.

Except instead of debating Watson’s favorite color, we debate his bisexual erasure.

“John Watson’s favorite color is blue – we know this because he says he doesn’t like yellow!!” is as nonsensical as “John Watson is straight – we know this because he says he isn’t gay!!”

So this is the same campaign as the one where my friends girlfriend almost bisected his new familiar.
They’re walking through the forest when they come upon an ogre. They kill him, sturdy, and divide up the XP. Night comes and they happen across a clearing where they find a lady ogre sleeping. She is woken by their approach and they realize they probably killed her mate.
She looks around. She looks at them. She looks down, sad now. She looks back at them, Angry
As I’m about to tell them to roll for initiative, the ranger steps forward.
It’s important to know that in the beginning they were searching for disguise kits and. He rolled so poorly that I gave him a Shrek costume
“Wait! I still have the ogre mask. I want to convince her I’m her husband.”
We’re all sitting around the table, just staring at him. I’m kind of like “wut”. He repeats and I’m like “fuck it, whatever. Roll deception”.
Nat20 plus bonuses. Everyone is flipping shit, myself included. Now the others want to join the clearing, but they don’t know what she’ll do when they enter, so my ranger, who has been picked up and is now in the arms of his loving ogress, says “I want to lull her back to sleep.”.
OKAY. SURE. ROLL PERFORMANCE.
20 plus bonuses. These are brand new dice, gifted to him by one of my other players, so I know nothing is up. We’re all losing our damn minds here because he has just sung this fucking ogre to sleep.
So me, being the DM who had this nice encounter set up, I was feeling a tad vindictive.
“You’re still tightly clutched in the sleeping ogre’s arms. What do you do?”
After they quickly discuss killing her, he stand up, slams his hand on the table, and shouts “I WANT TO SLIDE OUT O F HER GRASP”.
This is where I have him. I know it. I have him make a Dexterity roll.
Can you guess what happened, because I sure as shit didn’t. A third nat 20 plus bonuses.
Needless to say, we lost our shit.

ok but dave was always my favourite homestuck character and has managed to cling onto that title and sometimes i wish i could be a bit more original since he seems like such a cliched choice as silly as that sounds but just….. hes so much fun to read. 

his characterisation is so strong and consistent but it also develops. his flaws are so interesting and relatable. like today i was rereading openbound and his conversation with meenah. she goes about trying to convince people to go take on an evil almost unbeatable demon. and most people say  i want to, but its too dangerous, now isnt the right time, im not strong enough yet, or we’re making another plan, this can be plan b, but hell yeah we need to take this guy down!! 

then she asks dave and just nah. not interested. what does he want to do instead? draw comics. what has he been doing all this time on the meteor so far? finding ways to manipulate the afterlife - get this - in order to emulate one of his shitposty blogs, leaving his quotes around in ‘ebubbles’ like little easter eggs for people to find. despite most people literally being dead aliens who dont know or care about who he is. like its just so ridiculous. this kid is impossible. how insanely clever and creative and funny and yet so weird and apathetic and passive - why is he aiming so much lower in terms of heroics than all his friends? why is he so damn normal and desperate to ignore what is going on in the face of all this reality-threatening catastrophe in comparison for everyone else? 

also, may not be worth reading into, but interestingly meenah seems to account for his behaviour as being due to him ‘being down in the dumps’ or something which is just so odd since its not something dave ever really explicitly lets on and ESPECIALLY never says anything to meenah about it but implies that the ebubbles to her look sort of like… you know when ben makes that stop motion animation of himself when hes depressed in parks and rec? yeah, like that.

and he literally prattles about bro and dirk unprompted in that conversation too and also randomly brings up the fact that he also sometimes thinks about puppets (’#unrelated’) like argh

theres literally so much emotion and stuff buzzing around just below the surface and he NEVER makes it clear or explicit or easy, at least not for long but its all there and bits are always slipping out haphazardly like hes begging anyone, everyone, from his sister to some random alien ghost girl to notice, and its just so interesting

anonymous asked:

How would the Karasuno boys act when they have to buy condoms from Ukai's shop, having to look their coach in the eye as they pay for them?

i laughed for like 10 minutes after reading this request i love it. i’ve been having some health issues lately and needed a good pick-me-up

if you like what i do and want to show your support, consider supporting me on ko-fi!

 - admin rachel lauren


The only way I could rationalize them willingly buying condoms from Sakanoshita–as opposed to any place else–knowing that their coach is minding the shop is that the team has some crazy bet going on and these are in the event that they are the loser of said bet. Whether or not they’re doing the do and actually need them is entirely irrelevant.

Daichi

  • He’s one of the few who don’t make it weird somehow. It’s just another transaction, right? Not to mention that Ukai’s made it clear to them that whatever they do outside of volleyball is none of his business.
  • It’s not embarrassing until he gets to the counter to pay and has a moment of internal panic that this is very awkward. But Daichi’s a master of keeping his composure while screaming internally all the while, so you’d never know.
    • It doesn’t hurt that he buys a few things he actually needs along with them. But still.

Suga

  • He tries to play dumb when they’re rung up: “Whoops, how did those get in there? Well, I guess I’ll take them anyway. Doesn’t hurt to have some, right?” Cue the forced bashful laughter.
  • It’s clear to everyone within a 5 mile radius that Suga is playing this up too much. Like it’s painful to watch.
  • Once out of the shop, Suga will show no mercy and pelt either the first person who laughs or the person who suggested the bet in the first place with the box.

Asahi

  • He has to buy at least four or five other things along with them in hopes that Ukai doesn’t give the condoms a second thought.
  • Except he kind of just grabs whatever is within arm’s reach in a tizzy without paying attention, so it’s an interesting mix of things.
  • He forgets how to breathe when Ukai rings his things up. You’d think that having his coach be unfazed by all of this would make it less embarrassing, but the contrast in their demeanors makes it worse. 
    • You can bet his s/o will be the one to buy them from now on because he’s scarred for life.

Nishinoya

  • Slams the box down on the counter and looks Ukai straight in the eyes. It’s the only thing he’s buying.
  • Noya’s got a dead serious look on his face the whole time. Coupled with the fact that he’s standing in a power pose, it makes the transaction feel more like a battle of wills than a simple interaction between a shopkeeper/coach and his customer/pupil.
  • Seriously, Ukai is unnerved by this until Noya shouts out a thanks and bows deeply before leaving the shop, and hearing Tanaka’s cry of “Noya-san is so cool!!!” from outside.

Tanaka

  • Tries the nonchalant whistling thing, which makes the whole process more suspect and embarrassing.
  • “They’re for my sister’s…. boyfriend…”
    • He doesn’t know why he went with that excuse. Even if Saeko had a boyfriend, neither of them would bother having Tanaka buy a box for them.
  • Ukai’s, “Good for them, I guess?” does nothing to alleviate any of Tanaka’s embarrassment.

Ennoshita

  • If it’s questioned, he has his excuse of “A prop for the new movie” all ready to go. Although, he’s also worried that unless he can make up a plot for this movie that doesn’t exist (yet), it might be considered a cause for concern that his movies are getting too adult for high school students to be in charge of.
  • Takes five minutes to come up with an elevator pitch just in case before he has to go in.
  • Ukai doesn’t even ask or indicate that he’s buying condoms and Ennoshita–red-faced and stuttering–goes on about some Seth Rogen-esque stoner comedy that he’s working on.
    • “Well, just don’t get in trouble filming something like that. You’re still a kid, after all.”

Narita

  • Can’t stop dropping his change, which is the perfect excuse to physically hide how ridiculous he feels.
  • The transaction from then on can be described as swift, as in the second Ukai hands him the bag Narita takes it and heads for the door with a, “Hm thanks coach see you tomorrow bye!” It’s all in one fluid motion and yes, that goodbye is punctuation-less .
  • Just…never bring this up again. He’d rather forget the whole thing.

Kinoshita

  • He can’t go in alone. He has to do this with at least one other person going into the shop with him, and Noya is the only one who also isn’t embarrassed by this in any way. The other second-years are embarrassed by proximity, so-to-speak.
    • Except Noya gets distracted trying to find his usual ice cream flavor, so Kinoshita has to ride solo at the counter.
  • It’s clear he’s nervous about the whole thing; his whole body is stiff and he reacts to anything Ukai says as if the man is correcting his technique during practice.
  • He does have to keep his eyes on his wallet and money most of the transaction because there’s no one he can look his coach in the eye while buying them.

Kageyama

  • He knows he’s not smart and that everyone knows this as well, so he decides to tackle this issue by using this to advantage.
  • Except he anticipates Ukai will say anything in the first place, and blurts something out totally unprompted..
    • Ukai: “That’ll be–”
    • Kageyama: What do you mean those aren’t water balloons?
  • The following is the most tense five seconds of silence you’ll ever see between these two.
  • He’s so red that Ukai is worried that Kageyama’s head might explode. Or he passes out on the spot, especially because he stops breathing.

Hinata

  • He thinks he can play it cool, but it’s like watching a trainwreck.
  • He suddenly can’t hear anything. There’s so much blood rushing to his head that he can only hear that in his ears. Ukai tells him how much he owes and Hinata keeps repeating, “What?” each time it happens.
    • “Just… take them, alright, Hinata?”
  • Once he leaves the store, his face seems to be stuck in a smile and he doesn’t react to anything anyone says or does to him. His soul has left his body. He’s straight-up astral projecting in front of the vending machines outside the shop. Never make him do that again.

Tsukishima

  • Like Daichi, he also is does not make it weird. The glare from his glasses absolutely helps to hide anything his eyes might give away about feeling like an idiot the whole time.
  • But you could replace the condoms with any other item in the store and everything would be exactly the same about this interaction.
  • The rest of the team is mad because there was no point of having the loser of their bet do that if the loser wasn’t affected by it.
    • But this eventually backfires on Tsukki because guess who Noya and Tanaka have now playfully dubbed, “The Condom King.” He hates it.

Yamaguchi

  • He’s a blend of Suga and Kageyama in this situation: “I thought they were rubber gloves! What? T-those aren’t mine!” (Which one is it, Yams?)
  • Things get worse because the barcode scanner just won’t scan this box and every second feels ten times longer than it actually is during this.
  • At this point he’s just praying that no one else–sans the rest of the boys–has to bear witness to this. If Yachi walked in and saw, he’d probably die.