just silently crying



I know I’m suppose to be positive about life. I know that. So many people tell me on a daily basis. I know I should put a smile on my face and fight back. I know my problems aren’t the end of the world. But you don’t understand. I’m tired.

I’m tired of looking at my face. I’m tired of not knowing what to do. I’m tired of all the people hurting me, even when they don’t realize they are hurting me.

I’m merely sick and tired.
I feel like such a waste of time, a downgrade, a replaceable, and an empty person.
So instead of standing up and auguring I just sit there silent, I cry until I fall asleep.
I can’t fight back my tears anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not better.
I’m sorry I’m too much to handle.
I’m sorry that I’ve given up.

I feel as if I wasted my whole life to achieve nothing, literally nothing.
I want to find a purpose.
Something to look forward to.
I’m so unhappy and isolated.
For the last 3-4 years I have been so sad.
That sadness has grown inside of me and it’s all I know now. I can’t stop it, I can’t control it. Because even when I’m happy and laughing, it’s seems like it’s still there, just waiting to strike at me and take me down.

I always pretend to be a cold hearted person when in reality I cry about everything, all the time, literally, always crying.

I’ve given up and lost hope. I don’t think I will ever be the girl I used to be. Because of how much my sadness has consumed me, I’m a different person. Walking in large crowds, feeling more lonely than ever. Doing random tasks and only thinking about how much I want to be dead.

Before you go telling me how many people are greatful for me, just think. Did you ever think about the fact that some people just don’t want to live ? 
They have no dramatic reason, they just dont want to live.

I’m sorry I don’t cherish life the way you do. I’m sorry I feel as if I don’t belong here. And I’m sorry that at any given point in time I will just completely give up and die. I’m sorry if me dying is an inconvenience to you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.

—  I’m just so unhappy here and I’m tired of everything

seven friendships [2/7] jem carstairs & will herondale, the infernal devices

Jem’s eyes had widened, and then he’d laughed, a soft laugh. “Did you think I did not know you had a secret?” he’d said. “Did you think I walked into my friendship with you with my eyes shut? I did not know the nature of the burden you carried. But I knew there was a burden.” He’d stood up. “I knew you thought yourself poison to all those around you,” he’d added. “I knew you thought there to be some corruptive force about you that would break me. I meant to show you that I would not break, that love was not so fragile. Did I do that?”
Will had shrugged once, helplessly. He had almost wished Jem would be angry with him. It would have been easier. He’d never felt so small within himself as he did when he faced Jem’s expansive kindness. He thought of Milton’s Satan. Abashed the Devil stood, / And felt how awful goodness is. “You saved my life,” Will had said.

Car Sex, Yoongi/Suga

I wrote this one a really long time ago and I’m going to post it for you guys, not that it makes up for any of the lack of posts but until I’m finished with the other requests this should suffice a little right? Hopefully. It’s a little different but enjoy. ~

Warnings: Language

We stopped driving some time ago. I don’t know how long we’ve just been sitting here, car parked on the side of the road, wrapped up in each other’s embrace. As soon as he stopped the car he pulled me to straddle his lap, his arms wrapping around me and his soft hands sliding up the back of his hoodie. His nails drew light circles on my lower back, Yoongi’s quiet voice whispering how much he loves me into my ear repeatedly. He just let me silently cry into his neck, the only noise being my sniffles and Yoongi’s whispers.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his hands sliding to caress my sides. I don’t move my face from his shoulder and he kisses my ear. “Baby, look at me.”

I pull back so I could see him, but it’s not even like I could very well. It was so dark out, being almost one in the morning. The stars and moon shone brightly but it wasn’t enough to light up Yoongi’s face. I blink at him anyways.

“I love you,” he says and I nod. He’s been saying that for the last hour.

He pulls one of his hands out from under the jacket, resting his warm palm on my cheek. His thumb strokes under my eye, wiping at the dampness there from my endless tears.

“Don’t cry anymore,” he whispers. “You’re far too beautiful to have tears streaming down your face..”

“Don’t make me cry then,” I whisper back. He moves his hand back under my jacket, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him. I play with his hair, resting my cheek on top of his head while he snuggles his face into the front of me.

“I won’t ever,” he says.

I feel his head shift and I look at him, seeing him staring at me. He blinks, his eyes flickering everywhere on my face before settling on my lips. He strains his neck up, slowly leaning closer and I figured he was going to kiss me, but he just pushes his lips to my jaw. He moves down, trailing feather light kisses all the way down my neck before retreating back up and placing one right at the corner of my mouth.

“I’m promising you on everything, I won’t ever be the reason for your tears again.”

He was murmuring against my lips, his chapped ones brushing against my own but he wasn’t kissing me. It was driving me crazy, I just wanted a kiss. I initiate it, leaning down and capturing his mouth. My eyes slip closed when he doesn’t pull away and my heart flutters when he tilts his head so he could poke his warm tongue deep between my lips. He slowly licks at my tongue, his hands squeezing at my sides, his nails digging into the skin of my back. I arch myself into him and he sighs contently, pulling me impossibly closer.

“Baby girl,” he mumbles, nipping at my bottom lip and massaging my hips. “I’m going to make you feel so good..”

I pull away and rest our foreheads together, both of us staring into each other’s eyes. His arm snakes around my back to hold me still, while his other hand slips into the front of my shorts. Two of his cold fingers push between my wet folds and rub, causing me to gasp at the temperature change. He slides through my wetness, keeping his eyes locked with mine as he gently strokes over my clit with the rough pad of his thumb.

“So swollen and wet..” He whispers, rubbing me gently. I whimper when he pulls away, slipping his hand in further and circling my entrance with his finger.

“Yoongi please.”

My head falls back when he pushes inside, slowly sliding in up to his knuckle. My breathing gets heavier, my hands weaving through his curly hair, tugging on the short strands as he moves his finger in and out. He slips another one in beside the first, his fingers massaging my inner walls. I moan and his arm tightens around me, bringing me back to him.

“Shh shh shh,” he whispers along my neck, wetly kissing my throat. “I’ve got you.”

He was pumping his fingers inside of me so languidly, so slowly and relaxed, I couldn’t take it. As soon as my hips push down on his hand once, he locks me in place with his arm, enabling me to move anymore while he drives in deep. He pulls and curls his fingers so perfectly it makes my stomach twist with want.

“Yoongi,” I whine his name.

“Okay baby okay,” he whispers, pulling his fingers out and his hand from my shorts. He wipes his fingers off on his jacket I had on and grabs my neck to pull me down for a kiss. “Lift your body.”

I hold myself over his lap, balancing my weight while he unbuttons his jeans and pushes the zipper down. He shimmies his pants down his thighs, bunching them up at his knees before grabbing my hips. All we have to do is move my loose shorts to the side so he could have access.

“Come here,” he pulls me closer to him until our chests are pushed together, his mouth gently pressing to mine. “I love you so much.”

I whimper and Yoongi grunts as he lowers me down onto him, slowly. When I’m sat completely on his bare thighs, his hips roll in tiny circles, helping me adjust to his thick size. I wrap my arms around his neck, leaning forward to bury my face into his hair and he kisses along the juncture of my throat. His hands slide down my body and grip onto my thighs when he starts moving, pushing his body up and burying his cock deep inside me.

“Oh,” I squeak, tightening my arms.

My hands fist into his hair and he groans against my neck, his hips jerking. He keeps his thrusts slow, pulling out at an agonizing pace and pushing back in just the same, but deep. His arm wraps around my back, his other hand moving to my hip so he could move my body up and down on his shaft. I moan and he grunts as I bounce on his lap, his cock pulsing inside of me every time he thrusted in.

“God I love you so much baby girl,” he nibbles and sucks on my neck harshly, grinding up into me and making my head spin when he brushes against my sweet spot. “So so so much.”

“Yoongi,” I moan his name and his entire body shivers, his hips pushing up faster now.

His hand is on my side, his thumb pushing into my skin next to my belly button and his other four fingers pressing against my spine tightly, keeping me arched against him. His arm moves behind me, his hand sliding into the back of my pants and smoothing over my ass. I feel two of his fingers at my entrance, where his cock was pushing in and out quickly.

“Fuck baby. You’re so stretched out around me,” he lets out a loud whimper, breathing against my shoulder. “Wish I could see it right now. See how wrecked you are down there because of my thickness.”

I knew he wasn’t using nasty wording because of the intimate situation we were in and I loved him for it. I pull back and grab his cheeks, holding his head still while I kiss him, my body bouncing. My tongue dances with his, our slimy muscles sliding against each other so passionately. I breath heavily out of my nose and so does he, both of us panting with both our chests heaving. I slide my hands up his tank top and scratch my nails down his chest, his throat vibrating as he moans loudly into my mouth.

“Yes yes yes,” he grunts, shoving his hips upwards. He starts slamming me down onto his cock, over and over. “Right there baby girl, I’m right there. Keep riding me just like this. So fucking perfect.”

I whimper into his mouth everytime his swelled cock tip hits my sweet spot dead on, every thrust in he was hitting it. Heat curls low in my gut as my climax approaches and Yoongi’s thrusts were getting sloppier by the second, his memeber pulsing and jerking against my clenching walls.

“Oh fuck,” he whines. “Oh fuck baby. You bounce on me so beautifully. You look so beautiful right now. So gorgeous, I love you.”

He grunts and with one last thrust inside, we both come undone. I moan into his mouth, my nails digging into the sore skin of his chest and he whimpers out a loud, firm, ‘uh’ while he releases. After we’ve both calmed down, Yoongi pulls out and fixes my shorts for me. He pulls his boxers and jeans back up before grabbing me and pulling me to lay down on top of him on the seat.

“I came inside you,” he says, no worry in his voice whatsoever as he rubs my back. I don’t reply and close my eyes, my ear resting over and listening to his fast beating heart. The sound was soothing and almost lulls me to sleep as I cling onto him.

“Hey,” he whispers and I him to let him know I’m listening. His lips push to my forehead in a sweet kiss. “You’re so god damn pretty and I love you.”


Watching Detective Shows with Tim Drake Headcanons

AN: I got inspired by my own headcanon, what the heck? Ah well, just a little fun I guess.


Watching detective shows with Tim Drake would include:

> It’s next to impossible for you to not know who the murderer is before the show has finished. Tim, try’s to keep it to himself but ends up muttering it half way through or simply telling you once he’s figured it out and you’re just silently crying because you wanted to have that moment at the end of the show.

> Taking prevention methods to make him shut up, for example throwing a pillow at him whenever he goes to spoil the ending or interrupting him so he can never finish.
“I know -”
“Tim. Don’t say it.”
“But it’s the -”
“Don’t do it Timmy, just keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut.”
Make me.”
“…What the heck Tim?”

> You’ve probably had play fights over trying to get Tim to be quiet and once ended up hovering over him on the floor when you were originally seated on the sofa. Dick walked in and just kinda observed the position you were in with a smirk before directing his attention to the TV briefly.
“Yeah, it was that John guy who did it.”
You just collapse on your boyfriend with a whimper as he wraps his arms around you.
“Hey, at least it wasn’t me this time (y/n).”
“Why did Batman train all of you with superior detective skills and why do you all use them to spoil endings?”

> You have resorted to straddling Tim on multiple occasions with your hand/finger over his mouth so he doesn’t mutter the ending. In your distracted state, your hand just slips onto his chest as you’re enthralled in the show and Tim will take that opportunity to get close enough to whisper huskily into your ear.
“It was the maid.”
“Oh my gosh Tim! Why?!”

> Tim does not like being wrong about these things, not that he is at any point but you make him think so as a revenge tactic. They’re especially effective if he leaves half way through once he’s spoils the ending for you and gotten back to work.
“Hey Tim, it wasn’t the maid.”
No matter what he’s doing, he’ll be by your side in seconds with a shocked look on his face and basically interrogating you.
“What? Who else could it have been? That makes no logical sense, the butler and Lord had an alibi whilst the Lady of the House couldn’t have reached the scene of the murder in time to commit it so how?”
“Yeah well turns out the butler had accomplices that he paid and then made himself an alibi.”
“On a butlers salary (y/n)? Really?”
“Yes. Just look at Alfred, he could murder anyone of us and no one would suspect a thing.”
Tim will go and check on the internet soon after and find out that he was right all along then get irritated for getting distracted so easily whilst whining about how you could do that to him.

> Once watched Scooby Doo the Movie which Tim had surprisingly never seen before, using that to your advantage you quickly came up with this theory as to why Scrappy Doo was behind the island curse that actually made perfect sense.
“…and Scrappy isn’t apart of their mystery group anymore.”
“Yeah that seems logical.” Tim was genuinely impressed that you beat him to it and that you figured it all out so fast, however maybe he wanted to see the end of the movie without spoilers. Now he knows what it feels like.
You did not tell Tim you had seen the movie beforehand.

> Despite all that though, it’s nice to just see Tim kind of take a break from vigilantism to sit and watch films/series with you.

but can you imagine one day when Mike’s alone for whatever reason at school, Troy and his gang find him. Now that they’re in high school, naturally they’re all bigger and stronger, and take no hesitation in beating the crap out of Mike, brutally punching and kicking him to their liking.

can you imagine him trudging home, his stomach and legs too bruised to be able to bike home.

can you imagine him trying to hide his black eye from his mom as Karen starts freaking out about how black and blue his face has become, Nancy rushing down upon hearing her mom’s cries.

can you imagine as he silently leans into his sister’s hug as Karen calls Joyce to send El over immediately.

can you imagine her face when she sees him, her voice breaking on his name as she whispers ‘oh Mike,’ her hands hesitantly brushing over his forehead and hair matted slightly with blood. he tried to assure her that he’s fine but she just silently begins to cry, wondering how anyone can hurt someone as kind and caring as Mike.

can you imagine her refusing to leave his side and gently rubbing her hands on his abdomen and arms when the other boys rush in, anger rolling off their minds and fists as they see their best friend bruised and battered and barely able to look at them.

can you imagine them staying the night next to him, sleeping silently on the floor, their mere presence a blessing to Mike.


I love pain :)))


“HE DID WHAT!?” Your best friend screeched as you explained how your ex cheated on you with some random girl. Harley looked at your tear stained cheeks and stood up, grabbing her bat.

Harley stormed towards the door. As her hand touched the handle, she turned to you. You were just silently crying at this point. A wicked, insane grin spread over her face as she spoke.

“Don’t worry, muffin. I’ll make sure he never fucks with you again.”

Strong and Crying

REQUESTED BY ANON: Can you do a sisfic where the reader locks herself in the bathroom and just breaks down and Sam and Dean are trying to help her

As you and your brothers Sam and Dean enter the motel room, the first thing you do is lock yourself in the bathroom. You sit on the toilet and start crying, throwing your hands on your face.

You just don’t cry silently like you usually do, this time you cry loudly, forgetting your brothers are in the other room.

You hear someone knock on the door and you can hear Dean’s voice, but you don’t want to listen to him. Either Sam’s voice. IT hurts more, because they are apart the reason you are crying, again.

“(Y/N)” Sam calls softly from the door “open the door, please. We just want to know what is happening… please kiddo”.

You continue to cry, ignoring his words.

“Come on, (Y/N)” Dean said “I’ll have to force it open if you don’t open it”.

You wipe your tears. You want to open the door and jump in their arms, but something is stopping you: questions. They are the best to force out answers out of you with sweet words.

“(Y/N)” Sam sighs “please, kiddo, please”.

You sigh and finally decide to open the door, but just stands there, not looking at them, too ashamed to be crying.

“Hey” Sam grabs your shoulder with a hand and the other to your chin “hey, talk to us”.

You shake your head, making your way back to the bathroom, wanting to close it shut, but Dean stops it.

“No, no, no” he said “you talk to us, right now”.

“Dean” Sam warned and looks back at you “why are you crying?”

You open your mouth, but nothing comes out excepted a loud sob.

Dean takes you in his arms, rubbing his hand on your back and whispers softly in your ear.

“It’s okay… it’s okay… shh… I got you”.

It took an hour before you got back to your senses.

“I’m ready to talk” you said in a small voice.

Dean passes a hand in your hair “take your time”.

“I… I just… it’s a hard job… and I hate seeing people die, like we did today… I’m also so, so, so scared one of you die… we just lost Bobby. Everyone we love died, and I’m scared that you die”.

“We aren’t going to die” Dean said “not today, I promise you that we won’t”.

“You can’t promise that” you sigh “we are hunters, we die young and we never know when… even for normal people… we just can die easily”.

“That’s why we have each other to watch our backs” Sam said “you’re only sixteen, at your age I was only hunting ghosts, I didn’t hunt a lot, only ghosts. You’ve seen things that can make people go crazy”.

“I’m sorry to be such a baby and cry”.

“You aren’t a baby, sis” Dean passes an arm around your shoulders “you are the strongest kid I know”.

{{ Okay but what if Yoon is actually really sad and hiding it to be strong for others. Like his childhood was pretty rough and I feel like he needs to face these demons. Like after everyone falls asleep and he’s up washing dishes or laundry and he’s just silently crying like. 

instead some asshole takes it from u even if u kno they suck

i was watching the frog prince yesterday and this line fits a thing that i dont want to share publicly

also i love tiana i got some tiana stickers from some super nice person and i want to show u guys eventually

i want a fic where dan and phil find out that their child might be deaf because of a birth defect and phil breaks down in a way that dan has never seen before with him and locks himself in their room for hours on end everyday, blaming himself because deafness runs in the family and he never told dan or their surrogate. and dan doesn’t know what to do about it. then one day he decides he’s sick of phil hiding away from him because “god dammit, it’s my child too does he think this is easy for me either??” and lets himself into their room only to stop in his tracks when he sees phil sitting in front of his mirror, a book propped up in front of him, moving his hands in quick gestures, unmistakably sign language. and dan just starts to silently cry as to not disrupt him because he can’t believe that this is what phil has been doing all this time and that he wants to try to make it work with their child. dan walks back out before phil can see him and puts it in his memory as a beautiful moment that he’s never told anyone about, it’s just something he keeps to himself because it makes him smile to think about it.

“I am smiling at myself today
There’s no wish left in this heart
Or perhaps there is no heart left
Free from all desire
I sit quietly like Earth
My silent cry echoes like thunder
Throughout the universe
I am not worried about it
I know it will be heard by no one
Except me.”  

Rumi ~

So I was looking through the Fitzsimmons tag, and I came across this post about guys crying when they see their bride coming down the aisle, so I started thinking about Fitzsimmons’ wedding.

Fitz would cry first, not right away, but after it all sank in (and he would try to hide it.) Jemma would laugh at him about it, but because they’re so in sync, she’d feel the same way and start crying too. Then Coulson would let out some humongous dad tears that were so loud that everyone would start laughing, and then cry.

Like, imagine the wedding having to be stopped for ten minutes because everyone is crying over THE otp.

The Signs as Things I Hate

Aries: When a teacher doesn’t answer my question, claiming that I should already know the answer

Taurus: Forks and Knives scratching each other

Gemini: Yelling at someone in an argument and getting my words mixed up or I start stuttering

Cancer: Wanting to cry, but tears won’t come, so I just silently start crying like an idiotic hyena 

Leo: Pants that sag below the butt

Virgo: Hair that refuses to be bobby pinned

Libra: Having the teacher ask for us to pick our partners

Scorpio: Someone opening my snapchat and not replying

Sagittarius: Sleeping past an alarm or deadline or semester

Capricorn: Not having a clever enough comeback for when someone comes for my life

Aquarius: Public Displays of Affection

Pisces: Not writing my homework down in my planner and coming to class unprepared because of it

I am afraid of the night. I’m not afraid of the monsters, but i’m aftaid of the monsters inside my head. They’ll surely invade my mind and that makes me sad and my thoughts starts to rush just like a hurricane. I’m afraid at night because i’m pretty sure i’ll just lock myself inside my room and all i can see is darkness. That makes me feel so alone. That makes me feel sad and wanted to just cry silently. I hate night, i hate darkness. I don’t want to be alone every night.