Home - A Sirius Black Imagine
Here it is, sorry it took me so long! <3
Disclaimer : okay, YES, it’s written at the first person. I understand it’s not for everybody and it’s different from what I usually do. But I felt like writing it this way!;
Warnings : Some cursing, but mostly some angst and some fluff.
I’m not in the mood for anything today. I look at the time and minutes seems like hours. You could tell I’m bored but I think I’m just worried. About everything and anything.
There are rumours. The tension at the Ministry of Magic it’s at its worst. Everybody is divided. The Dark Lord have returned?
Nobody believe it.
Or nobody doesn’t want to believe.
I don’t know what is the difference anymore. I used to believe some things that weren’t true. And I used to discard some truths.
So, I feel like I don’t want to get involved. Not yet.
But there’s something wrong, I know it. I’m giving up. I just need to get some fresh air. I can’t focus on anything.
When I get home, there’s a few pile of mail next to my door. I roll my eyes.
My parents are probably worried about me. But I don’t feel like writing to them right now. I just want to be left alone.
I remember the last time I saw them. It was two years ago, I think.
‘You sure you are okay honey?’
‘Yes, mum. I’m fine.’
'But he’s out and I know he broke your heart!’
My mum never had it when it came to reassuring me. Nor my dad.
'I wonder how that deranged man escaped. I always told you he was trouble, that Sirius Black!’
I sigh. Not writing back today.
I feel like there’s this heavy weight on my shoulders. I’m useless.
There’s a knock on the door.
Who the hell could it be?
I open it. My boss, Alastor Moody, is standing right in front of me. I’d be afraid if I didn’t know him. He’s pretty scary looking. But he’s a fine man.
'Y/L/N, care to explain to me why you left early? I wanted to talk to you.’
I roll my eyes and open the door for him to enter the house. He steps in it but doesn’t go far.
'Well, I’m here now. What did you want to tell me?’
'We should sit’ he says, pointing to the living room.
I’m so not in the mood. If he tells me I need to track down some bloody alleged Death Eaters, I think I’m going to boil with rage.
'You’ve been hearing about what’s been going on lately, you know that the Dark Lord is back.’
'Oh, cut the crap, Moody. I told you I didn’t want to do anything about it until proven!’
'You'are an Auror, Y/L/N, god damn it!’ he shouts at me. 'You should be concerned. What’s going on with you?’
I sigh. I don’t know what to say.
'Maybe I shouldn’t have became an Auror.’
His face twists with anger. I know he tries very hard to not scream at me.
'You are a brilliant woman, Y/N, you’re quick, you’re smart and you’re great at what you do. Your powers are thrilling. But you need to set your game straight again.’
'I’m just tired, okay?’
'I didn’t only came to see how you felt. There’s something you need to know and… you can’t refuse. We need you with us.’
I frown my eyebrows.
'We’ve been gathering some people lately-’
'Let me finish. I’ve been putting a sort of team together, to be prepared if the time comes when we need to fight the evil-’
'What are you talking about Moody?’
He looks at me seriously.
'I wish you to come with me tonight, there’s a reunion at our quarters.’
'Your quarters? Does the Ministry knows you’ve been doing that?’ I ask, shocked.
He shakes his head.
'They wouldn’t approve, you know it. But come with me tonight, you’ll know what’s going on better if you see everybody.’
'Merlin, Moody, do you know in which position you’re putting me? What if we get caught?’
'We won’t. Just follow me.’
I’m so mad. I don’t want to follow him. But he’s my boss. But I don’t want to go against the ministry, even if I know there’s something going on that is beyond what they expect. We disapparate in front of my door to reapparate to a place I’m not sure I ever saw before.
'Where are we?’ I ask.
He doesn’t answer. He just freaking knock on the ground and the whole street starts shaking.
Okay they’re really organized. That’s some deep magic. Hiding a place that way means they used a secret keeper. They really don’t want to be discovered by the wrong people…
A house appears between two others, it’s gloomier than the other ones. It’s not inviting at all.
We step on the porch. Moody glances at me, looking embarrassed.
'I need to tell you one more thing’ he says, almost whispering. 'You know I don’t care about any of your little love stories, but there’s somebody inside that house, well, the house belongs to him, that might make you feel like running your way back outside. But be smart, don’t run. Just hear him out.’
Before I can even realize what he just said, he opens the door and pushes me inside. I hear him shutting the door behind us as I try to adjust my eyes to the darkness of the hall.
If outside I thought it was dreary, nothing compares to the way it’s cold inside. The place is in poor condition. I can hear voices at the end of the hall. I turned away to look at Moody. He shakes his arms, telling me to start walking.
'Moody, before I go in there, just tell me where the hell I am-’
'Shh’ he whispers. 'Don’t talk until we’re past the curtains.’
He points to me the wall where velvet curtains seems to be hiding something.
Odd. I’m too irritated to wait for an answer.
'Merlin’s Moody, I swear if you don’t tell me-’
'STAINS OF DISHONOUR, BLOOD TRAITORS!’ screams a voice in front of me.
I look at the portrait, spitting at me with pure disdain. The woman in the painting looks enraged.
I hear movement in front of me and my heart jumps in my chest. I feel like running to the door but somebody prevents me to do so. I try to escape Moody’s arms as I reach for my wand. The cacophony of all the people moving around me and the screams from the painting is unbearable.
'Let me go!’ I shout to Moody but he’s stronger than I am. I finally grab my wand and point it at him. He steps few feet away.
'What is this?’ I say, pointing my wand at everybody. 'Where the hell am I? Why am I here in the first place?’
I point my wand at faces I haven’t seen in a long time. Nymphadora Tonks, one of my colleagues, tries to calm me down.
'Y/N it’s okay, you’re not in danger.’
But I can’t look at her. I’m only staring at him. He haven’t really changed. He has still the same silver eyes. He looks older, but aren’t we all? My gaze moves to the man standing behind him. I never thought I would see him again as well. Not standing beside Sirius. Remus Lupin is trying to reassure me with his peaceful expression.
'Y/N’ he says, but I point my wand at him. 'I know that’s a lot to take on but we thought you wouldn’t come if you knew he was going to be here. We need to talk to you.’
'I have nothing to say to you’ I shout, shaking with rage.
'Y/N, it wasn’t me’ whispers Sirius with a cracked voice.
The sound of it makes me feel weak. How much time has it been since I heard it?
I can’t tell anymore. I thought I didn’t forget the sound of it. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?
'Just… come and sit with us?’ asks Remus, pointing at the room behind them. 'We made some tea and there’s butterbeer if you want some…’
'I just want to leave.’
Moody pats my shoulder.
'Come on Y/N, let’s talk, just you and I. Sirius, mind if I use the drawing room?’ says Remus.
Sirius nods and point the room to his left. I try to not look at him while I go inside. Still shaking, I sit on the tiny couch next to me. Remus sits in front of me.
'I know you’re mad-’
'You don’t say.’
'He’s innocent, Y/N. He didn’t do it. It was Peter.’
My face is blank.
'Do you honestly think I am mad because I thought he did it, Remus?’ I say, feeling tears coming to my eyes. 'I am freaking angry at him because he got himself in all that mess, because he didn’t think for a second about anyone than himself! Because he just ran to his own loss! He spoiled everything.’
I’m crying right now and I hate myself for it. I swore I would never cry because of Sirius ever again.
Remus hesitates, then touch my knee.
'Let him talk to you maybe?’
I shake my head.
But Sirius is already in the room. I close my eyes. I want to punch him in the face. I want to scream at him, how much he made me miserable. How much he fucked everything up.
I hear Remus getting up and leaving the room, while Sirius sits in front of me.
'Y/N look at me’ he says.
But I can’t. I just can’t.
'I know this is a lot, believe me, when I heard Moody wanted to bring you here I thought… I was so nervous.’
I can’t face him. I can’t do that.
'But I’m so relieved to see you… You look good.’
I finally turn and face him.
’You look good? Really Sirius? We don’t see each other for over than a decade and you tell me you look good?’
'Damn it, Black. You haven’t changed at all.’
He wipes my tears away and smile. My heart melts.
I never forgot him, did I? After all this time and here I am, feeling like a teenager again, like the first time we ever kissed.
'Some things never change’ he replies, taking my chin between his fingers.
I look down.
'You can’t do that’ I tell him.
'You just can’t erase all those years by sweet talking to me. Do you know how it felt? Did you ever thought about me? How I had to cope without you? How I had to forget everything we had planned for our future because of your recklessness?’
He frowns his eyebrows.
'You, you, you! What about me? Do you think I was happy there? I was miserable Y/N! Knowing I was thrown away for something I didn’t do! I had just lost my best friend and his wife, but I knew that their son, the one I swore I would protect with my life, was now on his own? Did you think about that? About the dementors surrounding Azkaban day and night, making me relive over and over again that horrible night when James and Lily were killed? Making me think about the fact I would never get to talk to you again? Underfed and poorly dressed, knowing that everybody I cared for thought I was a murderer? What did you have to do? Go back and live with your parents? To your poor spoiled little life?’
My jaw falls.
'Excuse me? You did this to yourself! YOU ran after Peter, YOU decided to fight him before the Aurors came there! YOU left me!’
He shakes his head.
'You can’t blame me for living my life while you were away! I thought I had lost you forever! Then I hear that you escaped. You didn’t even tried to write to me!’
'I wanted you to be happy! I didn’t want to show up into your life again and wreck your existence!’
'You wrecked it the minute you left that flat of yours to chase Peter, Sirius!’
I was in full tears now. I knew everybody was probably hearing us quarrelling.
'And I am sorry, you know I am, are you?’ he said, stepping in front of me.
I threw myself in his arms and pressed my body on his.
'I missed you so much’ I said, crying in his arms.
'I missed you too, love. How did I miss you’ he replied, sliding his long fingers in my hair.
He put my face up in his hands and stared longly into my eyes. I pressed my lips on his.
It felt like home.