just peed

There are days when I am blessed to have my dog and there are also days in which he is blessed to have me, because somebody else would have drop kicked him off a bridge by now

My StarkBucks Aesthetic:

Bucky to everyone else: I Am The Darkness™. I hate each and every one of you and if you come any closer I will murder you with my left pinkie. Does this face look like it’s fucking around? No. I eat ice-cream with my two front teeth just to intimidate my foes. Now fuck off.

Bucky to Tony: *kissing cheek in greeting* Hey babe come look at this adorable puppy gif I found on the interweb today I think I just peed a little look at them they’re dancing.

Real Things that I've Said to my Service Dog in the Past 72 Hours

Are you peeing on my leg? Yes. You just peed on my leg.

You don’t get a treat if you took it away from me and then brought it back. That’s not how this works.

Why are you sitting like that?

Please don’t lick my nostrils.

“Leave it” includes flies.

Good. I’m glad the fly gave you hiccups.

You do not need your own pillow.

Did you just fall off the bed?

Me talking about you does not mean that I was talking to you.

You cannot eat things off the ground just because you are “off duty”.

*I set something down*
Do not pick that up.
*Bucky brings it to me anyway*

I am blowing my nose not crying but thank you for the comfort anyway.

That went really well aside from you farting very loudly when the cashier complimented you.

I asked for your leash not shampoo but good effort.

For those of you who don’t know what Deadly Day is…

The 22nd of every month is Deadly Day, where the boys basically say “Fuck management” and do whatever they want. They say whatever they want in interviews, they do things they’re not supposed to, Harry and Louis act like a couple in public. It’s like their break from being cookie-cutter boybanders.


(This is not my post, it was originally posted by what-love-means, but they’ve deleted.)

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( So we’re playing a game where Madness is a thing. One of our characters just received a new Madness that makes them fall in love with a certain character according to a dice roll. The unfortunate character was out translator mushroom that sits on my character’s shoulders and she’s very fond of him. )

DM: Ethan is now in Love with Stool. What do you do. 

Ethan: (makes some casual flirty remarks at the mushroom who just peed himself with fright)

Me: (IC) Get the fuck away from my mushroom. I won’t let you taint him with your creepy advances. 

(Two other characters, a robot chronomancer, and a demolitions expert with a speech problem casually discussed something amongst themselves)

Demoman: I think mushroom and man make good couple. We ship them

Chrono: (nods in agreement)

(Some general arguing later the pair start chanting “We ship it. We ship it.”  Finally…)

Me: Okay okay! Here let me hand him over to you. (My character holds out the mushroom but instead of handing it over to the lovesick man, I placed a firm hand on his shoulder and casted Greater Restoration curing him of his madness)

DM: And he’s cured! (OOC) Thank fuck for that… that was creeping me out.

( The rest of the party sighed with relief including Ethan. The shippers weren’t so happy though.)

Archie x Reader: Daddy's Little Girl

Warnings: none
Requested: yes
A/N: fluff

*your POV*

I should’ve been sleeping. It was 3am and I couldn’t sleep due to the enormous bump on the front of me. Baby Andrews was 41 weeks and I was sure to pop at any moment and my stomach was so big it made me unable to sleep. I looked to my side to see Archie sleeping peacefully. I groaned and shifted to the left a little bit, wishing the days of sleeping on my stomach were still here. Suddenly, I felt a faint wetness between my legs.

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Things Said To or About My Dog:
  • “KEEP YOUR BUTT TO YOURSELF!!”
  • “Did you just spit out your medicine?!”
  • “He acts like he’s never been fed in his life.”
  • “Stop having sex with inanimate objects!”
  • “He’d hurl himself into a volcano just to eat a French fry.”  
  • “Stop being an asshole.”
  • “Don’t look at me like that!”
  • “Give me some room to breathe, would you?”
  • “Oh my god. Please tell me you didn’t eat that.”
  • “My son is so rude.”
  • “You just do the opposite of everything I say don’t you?”
  • “Don’t backsass me!”
  • “It doesn’t need a pulse for [NAME] to get busy with it.”
  • “Really? You’re gonna do that right now? We have company.”
  • “I’m telling you, you don’t want to eat this. You won’t like it.”
  • “Look how cute your butt is!”
  • “Magikoopa your doopa!”
  • “Stealing?! Again?!”
  • “Just because you peed on it doesn’t mean it’s yours.”
  • “He brings his toys wherever he goes, then forgets and pees on them.”  
  • “This idiot just ran into the middle of the street and almost got hit!”
  • “Why are you so out of breath?”
  • “Sorry, he’s kind of racist.”
  • “Why are you so antisocial? Can’t you get along with anyone?”
  • “Believe it or not, sniffing someone’s butt isn’t very polite.”
  • “It’s not time to play. It’s time to go to bed.”
  • “Just because you can’t sleep doesn’t mean you should wake me up.”
  • “Why are you digging?”  
  • “What’s that in your mouth?”
  • “Oh, so now you’re ignoring me?”
  • “Look at that cute face!!”
  • “Just because it’s your birthday, doesn’t mean you can act like this.”
  • “Why is he running around like a lunatic?”
  • “You only eat under the table?”
  • “Wanna go swimming?”
  • “Leave him alone!”

— Lone Wolf

LET ME CRY ABOUT ALL OF THIS.  GOD, OBI-WAN’S LIFE IS THE SADDEST EVER.

- Revenge of the Sith has just happened
- He’s taking Anakin’s son to Tatooine to give him up
- Baby Luke just peed on him
- This is the last robe he’s likely to have for awhile
- And then he thinks about Anakin some more and how Anakin gave him a birthday robe one year

Just.  Let me lay here and cry about my Star Wars feelings.

Lmao I was watching Annabelle creation in theaters and like… halfway through the movie, the power went out and the emergency lights went on…

And it’s Annabelle, lmao.

So of course we got a bunch of teenage girls screaming and giggling and saying is this part of the movie, are we going to die?

And like the screen went all weird for a second and it was kind of crazy because it was like being IN a horror movie, lmao.

bpdbuddies!

https://bpdbuddiesdiscord.tumblr.com/post/160696567330/bpd-discord-server

Hi! We’re a BPD discord server that does NOT consume piss and does NOT defend abusive behavior and/or relationships!! 

No but for real if ya’ll were in @.bpdconcept’s discord server and left due to the piss drinking incident and still need a server to go to to connect with people with BPD, please feel free to join BPDbuddies! It requires an application and we’ll send you a link, so the process is a bit slower than the other server, but…

I mean… We don’t drink piss. \o/ So that’s a plus.

https://bpdbuddiesdiscord.tumblr.com/post/160696567330/bpd-discord-server

Tony: Sorry I’m late. I was in my car, loving Bucky. 

[Tony and Bucky kiss and then look deeply into each other’s eyes]

Tony: I guess I just love you too much.

[Steve rocks nervously, a sick look on his face]

Bucky: Not half as much as me.

Natasha: Tony do you think you’ll marry Bucky? 

Tony: I’d like to see someone stop me. 

Bucky: [chuckles] I just peed a little. 

Natasha: [Natasha presents them with a ring] Then here, propose. 

Bucky: [Tony and Bucky both look at the ring and then begin struggling over it] I’ve got it. I’ve got it.

 [Bucky gets the ring and puts it on Tony’s finger]

Bucky: Tony Stark, will you marry me? 

Tony: Yeah, yeah, of course. No problem, no problem. 

[Thor screams in delight and Steve screams in horror]