just one of these things you notice

I’m really hoping Magnus dancing is the aftermath of him and Alec having a fight and Magnus calling Cat over to get drunk and just relax and then end up drunk dancing in his living room because my boy needs a break.

Alec arrives to apologize or sort things out then and does that face. You know the one. The 17k face. He’s 50 shades of shook and 100 shades of aroused. Cat notices him first and she doesn’t stop dancing but she looks at Magnus and says, “I think your Shadowhunter is here to apologize. Does he dance?” because if she can have an opportunity to tease a Shadowhunter, she’ll take it. 

Magnus just smirks and twirls around to face Alec, who shakes his head, his eyes widening.

“I don’t think he does,” he sighs, waving his hand to switch off the music.

Cat stages an affronted gasp and gives Alec a very disappointed look.

“Shadowhunters… Always so serious, so eager to follow the rules…”

Alec frowns, now almost offended himself. “I stopped my own wedding to make out with the High Warlock of Brooklyn,” he argues.

Catarina lifts an eyebrow, surprised, and this is the story of how Alec Lightwood and Catarina Loss become friends by the only but groundbreaking power of sass.

Clueless (M)

A one-shot based on a request from @angustdissin. Hope you like it!

Moodboard

Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Roommate! Jungkook, slightly dom! Jungkook, smut and fluff

Word count: 7,469 words

~•~•~•~

You were greeted with the sound of the TV blaring from the living room when you opened the front door of your house. Although he couldn’t see or hear you, it didn’t stop you from letting out a small sigh accompanied with a smile to yourself as you untied your sneakers and put them away neatly on the shoe rack. The thick white socks you wore made your steps quiet.

As you padded into the house, you weren’t surprised to find your roommate sprawled on the floor with his back leaning against the lower half of the couch and his long legs stretched carelessly under the coffee table. He was staring at the show playing on his laptop on the table but you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to it. At first you opened your mouth to check if he needed a call back to Earth, then you saw the gaggle of men and women sprinting across the screen and gasped.

“JUNGKOOK! How could you?!”

Keep reading

It’s BS to trash this season because it doesn’t go your way.

 Two things I’ve noticed, and they are certainly related…

1- People have always put Sana on a pedestal. Her fans don’t acknowledge that she’s a flawed character just like the others and that she’s got to face her fears and learn from her mistakes. People are saying « she so pure/nice/an angel/doesn’t deserve this » but no one saying she played a part in this mess because she’s not communicating with her friends. She thinks she can handle everything on her own and doesn’t confide in people. She doesn’t want to appear weak. I’m not saying she’s the reason for what’s happening. I’m saying that she let the situation with the girls get worse by not expressing her feelings. Why didn’t she confide to Noora about Yousef ? Why not talk to Vilde or Sara about the russbus situation? In yesterday episode, we saw her almost reply to the chat discussion. Why didn’t she ? Why keep it all inside and alienate herself from her friends ?

Being fake is a recurrent theme in Skam. All Skam’s main characters were fake in their own way. And this season Sana is also fake. Yes, she’s a badass. She’s assertive and doesn’t hesitate to express her points of view on various subjects. But what about her personal feelings ?  People complain about the girls not listening to Sana, but did she try to talk to them ? Sana is a spectactor. She’s always listening, watching but never unload like a Vilde or a Noora. And when she feels the need to she steps in to save the day. She always has this superior attitude, like a mother watching and educating her children. When you don’t express your frustration, disappointment, fear or anxiety, people start to think you’re a rock and they tend to lean on you so much they forget you have your own shit to deal with. Does it make the girls bad friends ? Not really, and especially not when they asked Sana several time what’s going on with her and she didn’t answer them and choose to avoid them. 

Why is Sana like this ? It might come from the bullying she went through in her previous school, or maybe she’s always been like that. I believe the point of this season is for Sana to learn how to stop the pretense : she doesn’t always need to be strong, she can lean on her friends.

2- I’m wondering if the Sana brigade really love the character for what she is or if they just want her to be an irreproachable representation of a muslim girl. They want the show to educate people on Islam but guys, Skam isn’t a sociology documentary. Skam is a tv show about teenagers learning to grow up. I can understand they were delighted to see a muslim girl on tv, they felt they could identify with her. But to be this angry because the story isn’t the one they expected ???

Things they’re criticizing (slow development, unanswered questions…) were already in the previous seasons. That’s Skam’s trademark ! They’re doing Sana a disservice by not appreciating her character’s development as a whole and only wanting to focus on her religion. Of course Sana is muslim and it’s an important part of her but it’s not everything. Why every complain is about Islam and muslim representation ? Sana is also a teenager, she has concerns such as fitting at school, falling in love etc. Do we need to cry because we didn’t get a Ramadan scene yesterday? Of course it’d be great to have this scene, it would add realism to the show. But if we don’t get it, it will not be the end of the world. I’ve read things like « this season is about us » or « this season should represent muslims this way or that way ». Really ? I guess I didn’t know. I thought Skam season 4 was about SANA…

I’m an african-french woman and here there’s almost no POC representation on tv. I think once a year there’s a movie made for tv about POC and their struggles. That about it. It’s frustrating and disheartening but when I watch a show with black people I don’t expect to identify with them. I just follow the storyline and the characters progression. I don’t expect the writer to educate people on our ways of life and beliefs. And I don’t expect the show to change the way the world sees us!

loveatonofdemons  asked:

How long did it take for you to get so popular here?

O-O

I’m… popular?

Um… well that’s news to me cause I don’t really see myself as ‘popular’..

I see myself as the one who just keeps doodling the same thing over and over in the back and just keeps saying things over and over like a broken record! Certainly not the popular one here!!!

There are many many MANY more blogs and users that are truly popular!

I had this crazy realization about Captain Underpants yesterday that made the character more epic– he’s the living embodiment/personification of George and Harold’s friendship. If you’ve seen Frozen and you can see how Olaf is the living embodiment/personification of the sisterly love between Anna and Elsa, then you know where I’m going with this.

… Well, I mean its probably a ‘duh, the two collaborated on his comics together’ but its so awesome when you look really into it. He’s a character George and Harold created that was able to come into existence and he does have a naive, almost child like view on things, but he also has that silliness and fun about him that is part of their creativity. I also noticed in books 3 and 4 just how super protective he really is towards them (I haven’t properly sat down to read all the books but I’ve skimmed though everything beyond book 5 recently). Then I saw the little moment in one of the recent tv spots where he’s messing their hair up in an affectionate manner, but judging from how it was played out before he does the action, I think he was complimenting both of them for their talents/showing appreciation towards them. As much as a handful he can be for those two boys, he also represents an ideal adult figure to a child- someone who doesn’t have to be perfect, but is supportive, is able to be there for you, and is willing to embrace being silly and provide fun.

And this is where it gets more ironic when I saw how most of the adults in the books are the exact opposite towards children. One in particular, of course.

Captain Underpants was ‘born’ just for laughs for those two in the original books, but it looks like he was ‘born’ in the film out of a desperate attempt to save their friendship. The person who represents complete order, no nonsense/no fun, is not supportive of the boys’ creativity, enjoys making their lives hell, and who wants to separate them in the film and ends up causing the ‘birth’ is Mr. Krupp, who is the real/true identity of CU. One persona wants to keep the two apart and prevents them from fulfilling their potential because of his views on life/education, while the other is able to bring them together and never seems to object to their assistance nor does he ever look down on them.

And it makes the thing tragic in a way. After reading Pilkey’s reflection on why mean adults tend to be the way they are without being able to change, plus Ed Helm’s view’s on the characters, we see what COULD have been with Krupp through the Captain Underpants persona. Try as he might, he can never destroy the friendship between George and Harold, nor get rid of their creativity, and instead he only strengthened both when that potential for good came out and became the literal representation of that.

anonymous asked:

Headcanons for todoroki and tokoyama confessing to crush pls? Thank you! Good on your finals! Mine start soon as well ><

(Good luck to you as well!))

Todoroki:

-He’s the person who’ll make it painfully obvious even before confessing

-It’s not on purpose though

-He just can’t help himself

-Tries to make a whole romantic set up

-Takes crush to the beach

-Literally gets on one knee

-Aren’t you taking this a bit seriously Todoroki

-Anyway, he has a whole speech prepared

-Crush just kisses him to shut him up

-It certainly does the job


Tokoyami:

-Poor cinnamon roll will try to suppress his feelings for as long as possible

-He’s just not good with those things

-And he’s a bit self conscious and thinks crush will think his interests are silly

-So he shuts up

-Unfortunately, one day, the boys force the truth out of him

-And crush just happens to be walking by

-He doesn’t notice them at all

-Crush is glad, because they’re inhumanly red at this

-A while later, crush is the one to confess

-You have no idea how glad Tokoyami is that he didn’t have to do it

I hate this new Tumblr update. The notes look like you’re entering a guessing game ‘what did they like? what did they reblog?’ and you can’t insta reply because the xkit extension doesn’t work now (not their fault btw because they gotta fix every damn thing on this website)

but seriously why is it so hard for them to make it easier for us so we can COMMUNICATE better, it’s just getting harder to follow a conversation. And the reply system is so flawed, who checks a post again and again to see replies? Sure it’s linear if everyone replies but the way Tumblr works they notice new post, not old ones. That’s why I usually post replies. 

Urgh.  

FFXII Headcanons: Love Letters and Judges

This is infinitely more lighthearted than my last set of headcanons! It revolves around one simple premise: the Judge Magisters (including Judge Zecht, can’t leave him out!) have received an anonymous love letter. So how would they react? Well, that’s what I’m going to explore. Just some silly fun for you!

Judge Drace almost misses the anonymous letter at first, while going through her mail. It’s not until the second time going through the large amount of correspondence that she notices the thing. Her expression turns from vaguely disinterested to deeply intrigued and she decides that she needs to read this letter again. And again. Just to be completely certain of the contents, as it were.

Judge Bergan initially dismissed the perfumed parcel as a prank, a silly frivolity meant for a chuckle at his expense. But when he goes around to his colleagues to ask which one of them was responsible, they all truthfully say they have no inkling of what it’s all about. Blast, that means those odious courtiers have found him again. He’s going to have to break some hearts at the next ball.

When the letter lands on Judge Ghis’ desk, he knows exactly what it contains as soon as he lays eyes on it. A smirk lights up his face as he reads through this flatteringly flirtatious piece of mail. It may be anonymous, but he has his ways of finding the sender with little hassle. Ghis puts the letter down and begins drafting his response. Such hard work must be rewarded, after all…

As Judge Gabranth scans over his daily correspondence, something seems off. A letter with no name piques his curiosity, and he nearly chokes on his drink when reading what it contains. It’s well-written, he must give it that, but it’s entirely inappropriate! How did this find its way to him? Immediately, Gabranth begins a mental list of possible authors. He needs to have a word with them.

Judge Zargabaath assumes that the courier moogle made a mistake in delivering this letter to him. Surely this was meant for Judge Ghis? It’s no secret the man receives many such things. But no, this was truly meant for him. Zargabaath reads it over again, smiles softly, and formulates a plan of action. Such kind and passionate words! The author is deserving of thanks…in person.

Whenever such a piece of mail makes its way to Judge Zecht, he counts that as a good day indeed! A broad grin spreads across his features as he looks it over. It’s quite the suggestive delivery, and he mentally commends the author for their boldness in getting this through to him! The letter receives a special place in his personal things, next to all the rest he’s received through the years.

((As Twilight starts being a little kinder towards Trixie and they both kinda finally let go of the whole grudge thing she notices a few things

1. Trixie starts acting gay weird. For example..

“Sorry Trixie, Starlight’s not home right n-”

“That’s fine. Trixie.. actually came to visit you. Surprise! You’re uh.. very lucky, y’know.” 

“I’m sorry. Come again?”

2. Even if her stories are clearly exaggerated, they actually are a little entertaining.))

anonymous asked:

Hi, I saw the videos of onew taking care of Taemin, like combing his hair after it got messy from the Japan roller coaster and also covering him when he expose his body. Does onew take care of his other members like this? I never really noticed it. :D

He does just in different ways. Mind you Taems by him in korea and a lot of other mm promotional things (and taem just.. drifts to him gdi) so hes closer to help him, but he gives Jonghyun towels and water in japan. Brought towels out at the end of sw3 and gave one to ming so he could wipe Kibum’s tears while he did the same for Jonghyun

Hes fixed Jonghyuns hair before. He helped Ming up the stairs when his ankle was hurt in mttm era by holding onto his hips, and him and Jonghyun acted as crutches for him as well.

And most of what I see with Kibum is Kibum taking care of Jinki lol

(ok hear me out I had a stupid idea that I kind of wanna write but I have no idea if any of you guys would be interested in it since it’s like a new level of messed up.

so one of the things Lucy wants to do is meet and befriend all the other egos. and while i was trying to find some more information on some of them i got intrested in Gear (Dark Ethan) and i noticed in i-totally-dont-suck-at-writing works with him, at least the latest ones i’ve noticed when she did a kissing meme with him and had mentioned he had a lab sort of. and i got thinking.

What if lucy agreed to help him with some tests? Her thinking she’d help him learn about humans more.

What if those tests included trying to turn her into an entity, even after she told him she didn’t want to go through with it?

I could possibly make it into a two part short. one mainly of just Gear and Lucy as she tries to talk him out of it and get him to let her go, but in the end ends up getting pretty hurt by the time Dark and the others find her and get her out of there. And another one of her possibly in a hospital, or in her room recovering from the aftermath and realizing she didn’t escape the event without a scar.

the first one won’t be super detailed of the tests Gear would inflict on her, it would be mostly dialouge driven if i would go through with it, I understand though that even with as little details as possible and of course tagged approperiatly for people who have the content  blacklisted, some people would more than likely only be intrested in the aftermath if any of you guy are even comfortable with this.

That’s why i’m asking before i even start writing

Does any of this sound intresting? or do i need to head back to the drawing board?)

gomi-cake  asked:

One thing I've noticed is that when antis are talking about KS they seem to know about what's currently going on in the chapters are they keeping up with it? usually if you don't like a comic or even hate it you read the first few chapters then drop it and never look back are they keeping up with it or are they just seeing new chapter stuff in the tags? 🤔 and if they hate it why are they searching through the tags? 🤔🤔🤔

I’ve noticed too!!! Especially the really annoying, determined antis who claim to wholeheartedly hate the manhwa and say how badly it “triggers,” them and such.

If they hate it and it “harms,” them, why do they even talk about it, go into the tags– also, act so surprised when a manhwa called, “Killing Stalking,” is not exactly sweet and sugary and an easy read.

Those type of people love to complain and be miserable, simple as that.

anonymous asked:

@@@

let me love on people

  • FIRST AND FOREMOST, I could never do one of these without first mentioning my bestest friend and unbiological sister, Emily ( @thepromiseofredemption ) like okay, YES, our ships are all things wonderful and fabulous, and I am MORE than thankful that writing various dumbs in love has introduced me to this PRINCESS of a person, but she is so so so much more than just at writing partner at this point t b h. ( even though I could ask for no better - Emily’s writing is absolutely LOVELY if you haven’t noticed, and her BRILLIANCE in writing everything from awkward tol beans to smirking puddles of earl grey never leaves me anything short of ASTOUNDED. even if she usually comes back to haunt me with angst :^// ) but !!!! she’s just such a wonderful, talented, kind, and positively hilarious person to know, the BEST viewing partner for canceled British sitcoms and Georgian prostitution dramas, and as far as Disneyland accomplices go, she’s got no PARALLEL. ( haha… get it. ) talking to her is always enough to turn a bad day around, and talking to her until the wee hours of the morning is undoubtedly a FAVORED pastime of mine. ( especially when we get to talk in person ) just a beautiful person inside and out, and I couldn’t imagine myself without her. 
    ( also I’ve never seen anyone that looks more like a friend of rapunzel in my life so Disney wake up. ) 
  • secondly! everyone’s favorite Brit Bitch, @trickstercaptain, to continue with the trend of unbiological older sisters. idk if you’ve noticed, but Lottie writes Jack beyond amazingly. she has such a sophisticated, informed, and genuine grip on his character that takes his flaws and perks in stride, as well as managing to construct his deliberately obfuscating language ?? idk how she does it. && I honestly couldn’t imagine Jack/Esme without her influence t b h. even if I am the one tormenting her with angst 90% of the time, she’s such an absolute DELIGHT to plot with, and never fails to remind me how profound Jack’s affection is for my 5′2″ ball of hatred & anger…….. even if Esme clearly knows better :^))))))) more importantly, though, Lottie is probably one of the most significant mentors I have in my life. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times she’s guided me through 2 am freakouts. whether it’s been school essays, Johnny Depp crises, or just general mental despairing, Lottie has always and ever been a solid & safe voice of reason for me to come to ——— ever since the days of the 100 page long skype messages, coinciding with 50 page long tumblr fanmail. basically she’s practically a genius and I love her and trust her 100% even if I call her mean names. it’s all out of love (✿◠‿◠) 
  • YIKES I’m on my last person ???? okay this is gonna sound shady af but I’m going to select yet another ship partner because… well. …… ANYWAYS. @lionwept has earned the honor of becoming the last ( but not least ) on this list of Devoted Affection. I don’t have anything Serious and Profound to say about Emily bc she’s literally a Human Meme just like her muse. ( or human cheeto, however you prefer to look at it ) but !!!! because of this, she never fails to make me laugh, even with topics that should probably be serious ?? remember that time Alex divorced Esme because she wouldn’t take a cheeto bath with him ?? that’s Emily 4 u. I should also mention though that the memeing is always SO WELL WRITTEN. she is such a poet, her words quite literally have a body and soul of their own, and reading any reply of hers always leaves me BREATHLESS. ( Esme too, but that’s probably bc Alex is kissing her nine times out of ten. but w/e. ) I pretty much approached her out of basically nowhere and said ‘WOW our kids are much alike !!!! they should kiss !!!!’ and Emily was like ‘yeah!!!’ so in short she accepted my eccentricities from the start and now I think about her when I see Oscar Isaac. tru friendship. 

Suppose there was a species that was very peaceful, very good at diplomacy and just generally very nice— but they also happened to look really terrifying to humans. Sort of an opposite to that ‘humans are cute space orcs’ thing— species X is perfectly friendly, but just happens to look like they walked out of a human horror movie.

We don’t blame them for it, it’s not their fault (and we’re slightly too afraid to talk to them about it anyway) we just quietly avoid ships where they are stationed and stay away from areas where they live and, over time, it just becomes accepted that, for whatever reason, you don’t put humans and species X together. Captains turn down human applicants if they’ve got a member of species X on their crew and visa versa. They barely notice that they’re doing it, it’s just how things are done.

Then one day a human crewed ship breaks down in species X space so that one of their ships picks up the distress signal. Being such lovely people, they offer to help and the humans can’t think of a good enough excuse to refuse.

The repairs take about a week and, the whole time, the species X crew members are loving the human ship. It’s so spacious, you barely even see other crew members! (They don’t realise that all the humans are constantly ducking out the way whenever they see them coming.)

The humans, meanwhile, just spend the entire week in Hell. The species X crew members like to take shortcuts through the ventilation shafts, so you can constantly hear them skittering around above your head; the ship is full of this low key but very distinctive smell— rotting meat, the smell of death (apparently they give it off when they’re happy); half the crew have goosebumps, despite the temperature controls working perfectly.

The ones working in the engine room directly alongside the species X crew have it hardest though, they can’t run away— and it’s very hard to relax and do your job when, suddenly, you hear this noise above your head and a hairless, milk white creature with no eyes and a huge mouth filled with razor sharp teeth and long gangling limbs with fingers and toes that look human but like they’ve been stretched, leaps silently with catlike grace from the rafters, lands right next to you, flicks out a forked tongue, holds out a long taloned hand and asks “can I borrow your spanner?”

The suck button.

My band’s drummer, John, is also a sound guy; for several years before we hooked up musically, he had been doing sound for other bands I was in, as well as for touring acts I booked shows for. He’s very good at what he does, and has a pretty massive rig. Anyway, he’s the nicest guy in the world at band practice, at Burger King, or at a gig we’re playing, but when he’s running sound for other bands, he can be pretty crabby. Very little patience for bands who start late or end late. Even less patience for bands who take an encore when they’re the second band playing out of five. Very little patience for singers who ask for more vocals in the monitor while cupping the microphone ball in both hands (feedback, anyone?) In general, just an altogether grouchy sound man. For example, he ran sound once for this seven- or eight piece ska band. One of the trombone players said he needed two mics: one for his horn and one for his backup vocals. Normally at this venue (a 120-seater), John didn’t bother to mic horns at all. Rolling his eyes, John put up a Shure Beta 58 and some AKG condenser mic. “This Shure is for your vocals, and this AKG is for your horn, OK?” he said. “Don’t blow your horn into the vocal mic, because your horn is about 30db louder than your voice and I’m going to have everything mixed properly.” Horn player nods his head. During the second song of the set, apparently this trombonist was set to get a solo. Right before his solo starts, he grabs both mics and pushes them close together, so that the capsules are actually touching. He then blows this fortissimo opening note into BOTH mics. I was sitting at a table in back, by the sound board, at the time. John’s limiters caught most of it, and I STILL had ringing in my ears for two days. At the end of the song, John mutes both of the guy’s mics (and leaves them mute), and basically threatens to ream out the guy’s plumbing with his own horn if he ever pulls that shit again. John does this through his talkback mic, which is clearly audible over the monitors. The crowd bursts into laughter, and the horn player goes bright red in the face.

At any rate, for years I had heard John threaten bands with the “suck button.” Bands who were taking too long to set up, or whose members repeatedly refused to follow reasonable directions (please keep that vocal mic away from the monitors!), would be threatened. “Pull that shit again, and I’m gonna hit the suck button on you guys!” I took it to mean that he would intentionally make them sound bad, but he never followed through on the threat, so I took it as a vague general warning.

So anyway, a little while back he’s running sound on a four band show. The second band, a Matchbox 20/Train kind of band, has him running 20 minutes behind before they even play a note because their lead guitarist was late. Their allotted set time is 40 minutes, but their last song runs over and by the time it’s done, they’ve played for almost 45 minutes. John says quietly over the talkback mic, “Hey guys, you’re done.” The lead singer says loudly over the vocal mic “Sound man says we gotta get off the stage. We got one more song for you!” as they kick into another soupy jangle-rock tune. John shakes his head at me. Then, the most amazing thing happened. After their “encore,” this band kicks straight into ANOTHER song without announcing it, apparently in the hope that John wouldn’t notice it was a different song.

John leans over to me to be heard over the PA and asks, “Hey, wanna see the suck button?” “Sure,” I replied. I figured he was going to muck with the levels or just turn them off or something. Instead, he reaches to one of his racks and starts scrolling through patches on his trusty DigiTech unit. Sure enough, he gets to a patch titled SUCK BUTTON. He engages it, and all hell breaks loose onstage. The lead singer and the lead guitarist (who was singing backup), immediately start to sing WAY off key. They try to get back in tune, fail, trail off in mid-line, try again, and start glaring at each other. The guitarist is so distracted by this that he starts muffing the chord progression. If not for the drummer, I think the whole song would have derailed. For the entire four minute duration of the song, I was treated to this asshole band sounding like crap and getting madder and madder at each other. John explained the patch to me; basically it pitch shifts all tracks from the vocal submix up one step, BUT ONLY IN THE MONITORS. So the audience, out in front of the mains, was treated to the sound of two guys trying to get in tune, only to be utterly confused. If they got it sounding right in the monitors, they could tell that something was grossly wrong in the mains. And each of the singers thought it was the other guy who was singing out of tune. I just about died laughing.

a message for trans guys starting T

starting T is exciting, and for the first few weeks/months you’ll be looking for changes EVERYWHERE, trying to measure how low your voice is going, how much your face is changing, etc.

But there will inevitably be a point (usually some time in your first year) where you will start feeling like nothing is happening; like you haven’t changed enough to where people notice, because your body shape hasn’t changed, you haven’t sprouted a full beard yet, your voice is still androgynous instead of manly, that T just isnt working for you.

And for that I have a little anecdote: I’m around 7 months on T, and I’ve noticed my voice drop, tiny changes in my face, and my peach fuzz has started getting longer. But because of the way my fat has not redistributed, I still get misgendered sometimes because I have a very distinct body type. So I started having those thoughts that I wasn’t changing and that no one was even noticing, and that maybe I was just unlucky and T wasn’t going to do much for me.

And then, something really cool happened - THREE separate people from my work, who only see me occasionally because they’re from different departments, approached me or stopped me to talk when they saw me. After determining that I was okay with talking about it, they each asked me if I was on hormones (a detail I didn’t share with a lot of people at work, but am comfortable with doing so if asked politely) and told me they had noticed because I changed so much since I started working there a year ago. They had noticed my voice dropping, that I looked different. One of them told me it was incredible how much had happened in just 7 months. And let me tell you, that was so amazing and uplifting for me to hear, and it totally changed my outlook on how I think about my transition.

The thing is, we live with ourselves every day. We scrutinize ourselves to measure just how much we are changing, but we miss so many things that happen because they’re so gradual that we don’t notice. But the people around us - they notice, they see and acknowledge that we are changing. I promise, things ARE happening. T is working for you. Sometimes it just takes stepping out of your own shoes to get a different perspective to see it.

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

  • “Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?”
    - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

  • “Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?”
    - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

  • (Someone forgets to call you back.)
    - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

  • “Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?”
    - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

  • "I don’t really feel like sex tonight.”
    - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

  • “You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?”
    - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

Tree Bros Neighbors AU

(Another late night and another crap ton of head cannons)

  • Their windows are directly across from each other, so they can literally see into each others rooms.
  • They both think of each other as “The cute guy next door” But neither are willing to admit it.
  • Evan knows all of Connor little quirks and habits, like how he leaves on a night light, how he listens to classical music to fall asleep, how he can see him putting his hair in a pony tail then taking it out and then repeating the method until he gets it “right”.
  • Connor knows that Evan has trouble sleeping some nights, so he leaves him a classical music playlist on an old iPod beside his bed table labeled “Evan sleep, you’re welcome”. (yes, Connor broke into Evans house)
  • Connor has see Evan come home crying on multiple occasions after hard days at work or school, he starts to comfort Evan and offer his advice.
  • Connor sees Evan shirtless all the time, he loves his little back freckles.
  • He also knows that Evan wears star wars pajamas to bed, (which honestly is the cutest thing)
  • They start having regular convos about each others day while leaning through their windows at night.
  • One time, after a particularly rough day, they have a secret slumber party. Connor basically just spent the night comforting the panicked Evan who doesn’t feel safe alone (moms out of town)
  • Evan and Connor continue to sneak into each others rooms just to chill and talk, its a lot more comfortable to sit down then lean out your window for an hour
  • Evan loves to braid Connor’s hair, Connor has no idea how he knows and one night he asks, turns out Evan used to have a padawan braid as a kid.
  • Evan literally meets Connor in his room after he heard Connor’s parents screaming to each other over dinner about Connor’s mental health. A hug was never more needed 
  • They fiiiiinaly have their first kiss in Evans room, after he said he needed help with something to get Connor to come over.
  • “You bastard, i knew their wasn’t a problem”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! when you’re lying your ears get all red”

“You can see that from your room?”

“I have good vision”

  • They date, but in secret cause Connor knows his parents will hate their relationship.
  • Evans mom catches them together one morning after Connor spent the night there after a particularly bad panic attack.
  • She rolls with it, but she invited Connors fam for dinner
  • It goes about as well as Connor expected
  • Zoe is just excited for them, saying that her brother has had a crush on Evan since they were kids.
  • Cynthia is okay, a little confused at how she didn’t notice, bit okay that her baby is gay/bi
  • Larry tho…
  • “I knew you were up to something, Cynthia you have to realize this isn’t healthy. I mean, the last thing he needs is a boyfriend.. especially that boy”. “Larry this isn’t the time..” “Its his depression, he’s confused!”
  • Connor’s dad threatens to move, Cynthia actually has wanted to move so she doesn’t bother fighting it. Zoe and Connor on the other hand-
  • “We can’t move! I just made a… friend..”

“Oh! Is that all Evan is Connor? Didn’t you just say he was your-”

“I don’t know Dad!”

“Well, for someone who is in love.. thats not a good thing to say.”

  • Over the summer, Connor gets sent away to a camp to “help” him with his sexuality and depression. Mostly just to be sent away from Evan
  • Evan sent letters to him after Cynthia helped him find the P.O. address, but Connor never replies.
  • When he gets back, they’re both so distant…
  • Evan had the whole “tree thing” while Connor was away.
  • “What happened to your arm?” “You’d know if you read my letters?” “What letters?” “I sent you over 30 Connor, did you read any of them?” “No… I-” “forget it..”
  • T H E G R E A T B R E A K U P O F 2 0 1 7 
  • Evan and Connor keep their blinds shut for awhile.
  • Finally, Evan opens his. Ready to talk to Connor and see hows he’s doing.
  • Connors room is dark..
  • ITS NEVER DARK BECAUSE OF THE NIGHTLIGHT
  • Evan climbs over to Connor’s room to see if he’s okay, its midnight, Evan is freaking out until he find the body.
  • C O N N O R   D I E D 
  • HE TELLS THE MURPHY’S WHAT HAPPEN AND AT FIRST THEY BLAME EVAN BUT THEN EVAN IS JUST SOBBING SO THEY START TO CRY TOO CAUSE THEIR PRECIOUS BABY IS GONE
  •  “He wouldn’t be dead if i didn’t send him away Cynthia!” 

“Larry please its not your fault!”

“It is.. he was getting better, with Evan.. I tore them apart.. Its.. It my fault”

  • F U N E R A L
  • Evan is sitting in Connor’s room one night (he gets permission to do that now) and he looks over where the nightlight usually is.
  • There’s a note

“Dear Evan Hansen, Im sorry. Im sorry i cut you out of my life, I’m sorry i let me parents do it. The truth is, you don’t deserve me, you don’t deserve the mess that i am… You deserve the best Evan. I hope you'll understand the reason i did what i did.. I opened my window and waited for you Evan, I waited for you to open yours. But you didn’t, and I’m glad. Im glad you can continue with your life, safely. I read your letters that you sent, i needed to talk to you and make sure you were okay.. I hoped you’ve moved on, I do hope that you’re happy too. I think Ill miss you the most, I love you.

Sincerely-

Connor Murphy.

3

What happened in Manchester is absolutely appalling and it saddens me that innocent lives were lost because of a selfish cunt’s warped perception of ideology, or selfish self imposed goals. Admittedly, I don’t know enough about what happened.

The last thing anybody needs right now is shitty journalists making poorly timed jokes, or an attention seeking toolbox trying to get people to notice them by any means.

I urge everyone to block Onision, Mr. Leavitt and anybody who posts shit like this at the time of any tragedy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never followed them, or look at their content. They just don’t deserve to be seen or heard. There’s no place for hate. No place for petty one-upmanship. And certainly no place for incredibly offensive jokes.

#BlockOnision #BlockDavidLeavitt