just one of the many examples of how brilliant the kid was last night

trash-tears  asked:

hi! could you rec me some life-changing (eighth year maybe) drarry fics in the range of 30-40k? thanks so much!! :)

Omg 8th year fics are my jam! The word range may kinda cut out some of my favourite fics from this list, but maybe I’ll rec them in another list later. Hope you enjoy reading these! :)

  • Sealed with a Kiss - by Faithwood (46k)
    Harry Potter will fall in love with the first person who kisses him. Draco knows what he must do.
    (Ah this story was so cute and lovely to read! As the summary says, Harry will fall in love with the first person who kisses him. Honestly such a fluffy and charming fic!)

  • A Series of Unfortunate Events - by unmonsterlike (25k)
    Harry Potter has a tendency to show up whenever Draco’s in trouble. Draco’s not quite sure he hates it as much as he’d like. 
    (This fanfic had me in stitches! Draco always ends up in constant danger, and Harry always saves him just in time. Draco shows his gratitude in the best ways possible ;) Honestly though, this fic is super funny and makes me laugh whenever I think about it!)

  • He Was He and I Was Bunny - by bryoneybrynn (37k)
    Harry’s looking for an escape from everyone. Draco’s looking for a friend. A little black bunny is the answer for our boys.
    (Ahh this fic is one of my all time favourites! Bunny!Harry is so adorable, and I loved how Draco was able to relax and be himself around Bunny!Harry. But then the drama starts kicking in when Draco realises that the little Bunny he’s been caring for his Harry all along and arrggh, I won’t spoil anything more but this story is a must read!)

  • For all the marbles - by Veritaso3 (28k)
    Harry receives a long-lost gift when he returns to Hogwarts to finish his last year of school. Draco could be just the person to help Harry understand the gift – if the two of them can learn to talk to each other. 
    (This is such a sweet fic! The idea of the marbles Harry receives is so charming, and Draco and Harry’s relationship is so well-written!)

  • Lumos - by birdsofshore (41k)
    Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking. 
    (Apart from masturbating and the sex drive of angsty teenagers, this fic also has many beautiful moments of Draco and Harry’ getting to know each other, and progressively delving into a relationship that isn’t founded on sexual desire. I honestly loved this fic so much!)

  • The Ties That Bind Us - by Faithwood (27k)
    An accident leaves Draco and Harry bound tightly together. Literally. 
    (An accident causes Draco and Harry to be bound together in ropes in a very compromising position - and they’re unable to get free. This is incredibly entertaining and funny!)

  • Not You Face - by khasael (26k)
    After an unusual late-night encounter with the Mirror of Erised, Harry finds himself with the unexpected (and rather unwanted) ability to see aspects of everyone else’s deepest desires. Harry really wishes things like this didn’t happen to him. 
    (All thanks to the Mirror of Erised, Harry now has the unique ability to see one’s deepest deisres whenever he touches someone. But, Harry wasn’t able to see what he yearns for, that is until he touched Draco Malfoy. This fic is just so enchanting and sweet!)

  • No Greater Victory - by dicta_contrion (26k)
    Back at Hogwarts after the war, a defeated Draco Malfoy is prepared to settle for life’s simpler pleasures: snark, sex, and Slytherin scheming. That is until Pansy, newly in possession of Malfoy Manor, offers to return his ancestral home. Just one condition: he has to win, and break, Harry Potter’s heart to get it. That’s no problem. Draco’s got this situation completely under control. 
    (I never knew one fic could hold so much fluff and angst! It’s so lovely to watch Draco and Harry’s relationship grow and develop in this story. And I loved the format it was written in as well - journal entry style is amazing!)

  • The Potter-Malfoy Problem - by who_la_hoop (28k)
    The room of requirement’s gone mad - at least, that’s what Harry thinks. There’s no way that Draco Malfoy ‘requires’ him, of all people, but why does it keep dragging Harry there like he’s some kind of furniture, every time Malfoy enters it? 
    (Whenever Draco enters the Room of Requirement, the room magically summons Harry as well. But, the room won’t let them leave until they get along, needing more passionate “getting along” each time they’re stuck together. So good!)

  • Unexpected Consequences - by lauren3210 (39k)
    Harry was going back to school. He was going to play Quidditch, sleep in lessons, hang out with his friends, and generally just enjoy being a kid for a change. And he was also going to do it while being bonded with Malfoy, because apparently life was just going to continue throwing curveballs at him.
    (SO MUCH UST!! As punishment for his crimes in the war, Draco is bound to Harry (who grudgingly accepts))

  • Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day - by Faithwood (37k)
    Even though he’s unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky. 
    (A very enjoyable and entertaining fic with heaps of mystery! Harry attempting so flirt with Draco was hilarious. And Draco was endearingly delusional and utterly helpless of being honest to himself)

  • In plain sight - by oldenuf2nb (37k)
    Draco Malfoy had stopped believing his wishes would be granted long ago. He could perhaps be forgiven for being startled, then, when one of them came true.
    (Not gonna lie, I cried a little during the scene where the Board of Governors decided “in the best interest of Hogwarts” to close down Slytherin House - my inner Slytherin Pride weeped tears at this moment. But Draco is so sweet and lovable in this fic, and I loved every word of this story!)

  • Master Work - by mahaliem (35k)
    Harry’s eighth-year at Hogwarts is going about as well as all the others. Someone is out to get him, Aurors keep questioning him about the final battle and, worst of all, Draco is determined to repay his life debt to Harry. 
    (Draco becomes a sort of “protector” to Harry for 10 months to repay his life debt to him. The humour in this story is brilliant, and adored it from start to finish!)

  • The Standard You Walk Past - by bafflinghaze (46k)
    On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened. 
    (“But nothing happened” until Harry started sleep walking into Draco’s bed ;) Draco and Harry’s relationship in this fic is a perfect mix of fluff and angst, it’s absolutely wonderful!)
Reign 3 x 04: Live Through This

How are you? A little light-headed? Eyes puffy from crying? I heard that. Come here and give me a hug. The Price was heavy, babies, it was heavy! And then BAM TWIST! Whoof. We went THROUGH it last night, I understand, get a goblet full of the finest beverage and let’s talk about it here in tumblr land.

So we started things off with Francis doing great. Mary had him on some alternative medicine herbs kick and it was doing him wonders, even if he didn’t particularly like his medicinal pastilles.

But geo-politics are not going to pause for Francis to pull it all back together. Life was ready to come crashing down in the form of Mary de Guise sending a very coded message about needing more troops, stat. I love this kind of ancient high tech stuff, a cipher, I mean the time before technology is so interesting, it’s like kids playing in their back yards but forever.

Meanwhile across the channel we finally met Elizabeth’s dog!

Look at that adorable bulldog! As usual, William was like “Get married, tick tick tick, where is our male baby, it is embarassing everybody to tears that a Queen is in charge ,also the King of Spain wants to marry you.” Elizabeth was like “Sheesh I’ll meet him chill out.”

Meanwhile Lola and Narcisse were heading off to their honeymoon when Catherine started throwing shade on Lola for “marrying her lover” and Lola was like “For your grandson’s sake please stop putting rats in my bathtub.” Which made me cackle out loud because that does NOT affect baby John. Nice try Lola, unless you’re taking that baby in the bathtub with you don’t try to play the baby card. Also Catherine’s necklace was rad.

Catherine was like “Rats in your bath? Nasty” and Narcisse overheard and was like “Shit Catherine’s about to tip my hand about planting rats in Lola’s bath” and intercepted Lola. Don’t worry about the man behind the curtain, girl, it’s honeymoon time.

Meanwhile Don Carlos was being smooth as hell.

I loved how the show hit on Elizabeth’s “Stay in Your Lane” policy re: religion. Wanna be Catholic? Wanna be Protestant? Do you thing, mind your own. Few people I think really appreciate how revolutionary that approach was and is. Basically one of the first examples of a chill ruler separating Church and State. AAAAGH Elizabeth was like perfect as rulers go and if I start talking about how amazing and brilliant she was (she used to translate greek TO RELAX) I will literally never stop.

You know who also loves Elizabeth? Dudley. He was like “How about you just be single forever?” and Elizabeth was like “…I’m listening.” But he has selfish reasons for wanting to preserve her anatomy i.e. being her side piece. (I legitimately got chills when Elizabeth was like “this is over” and he was like “You are my Queen but in this i will not obey you.”

Dudley also sent Amy home from court and Amy looked pretty miffed about it. You could tell by the fact she was wearing an orange dress that she was at her wit’s end trying to keep this man happy.

Oooph. No happy woman reaches for an orange dress.

So war council time: Francis was like “SEND SOLDIERS!” and then Charles came in and was like “SEND WARSHIPS!” but then immediately the war ships got sunk by England’s super speedy frigates and Catherine was like “Why are you not asking me about England’s navy I was literally just over there.”

Anyway, Francis was like “MORE SHIPS! KEEP THROWING SHIPS AT THIS PROBLEM!” but Mary was like “I think I can solve this by using my brain” and then totally duped Nicholas, showing off her cipher, then leaving out a letter to her mom with misinformation in it. It’s called statecraft, guys. Mary saved hundreds of lives. After losing hundreds of lives? Look it’s hard to be a ruler when you’re a teenager and also you can’t be un-elected.

I did love when she told off Nicholas. I am not generally a “Yaas Queen!” kind of lady but I did actually say the words “YAAAAS QUEEN” after she was like “I hope you have strong wings vulture!” I’m going to remember that line the next time someone cuts in front of me at the seven eleven.

So also Catherine was throwing a dinner for the last guy she needed a vote from to become regent, and he was being a real d-bag.

There was this horrible story he told her about how his daughter had gotten her foot crushed by Catherine’s carriage and then been rejected by suitors so many times she’d killed herself and was now dead. Catherine was like “Of course she is.” and then basically was like “Well, fuck it.” and took off with Claude, and it was genuinely a charming little interlude.

Meanwhile Don Carlos wanted to see Elizabeth’s lady parts.

OKAY. Batten down the hatches, but like a year and a half ago some idiot published a whole book about their theory that Elizabeth I was actually a man in drag, and let me just say:

1) all of these “Elizabeth was a man” arguments boil down to the sexist disbelief that one of the greatest politicians of all time was a woman. Elizabeth was a genius and some people can’t wrap their brains around the fact a woman founded England’s greatness as a superpower.

2) Elizabeth was seen unclothed or in sheer undergarments a ton and never at any point did anyone claim she was a man. She was sort of kind of sexually abused by her stepfather Thomas Seymour who ripped her nightshift into a thousand pieces. She was seen running after Dudley just in a transparent shift more than once. Lady was a lady.

3) Political bodies were endlessly handled by nobles, physicians, and attendants. During a poison attempt early in her reign, Elizabeth was given multiple enemas before recovering by a physician whose doings were very public. Guess what he didn’t find when he was down below the royal petticoat? Balls. That’s what.

Anyway, Elizabeth channeled my rage nicely. Don Carlos was trying to shade her, shame her and degrade her and she wasn’t having it.

Mmmm, red flag girl, red flag. She should have asked him to show his first.

Meanwhile Narcisse was being shady as shit on the honeymoon.

That having been said Narcisse’s villa and village and what not was legit adorable. I know, he’s shady Lola but like shhhhhh. Also this whole episode was shot really beautifully.  There were all these dope tracking shots and zooms and it was really gorgeous. Except for this part, this was PAINFUL LOOKING…

Bash’s horribly scalded chest! Hahahaha this happened in the middle of Greer’s new tavern and he’s was not even phased. He was all"Ugh annoying Delphine is in trouble" but looking at the size of that beaut I have to say, if I got a burn that severe I would literally collapse and quite possibly pass away. Bash has got some stamina! He was also sick of going through Vaseline by the fistful so he questioned a man in a fabulous cassock…

Then rescued Delphine from the Sisters of St. Agatha, who were purifying her soul by laying a BURNING IRON CROSS on her flesh! Um, I smell spin off.

Anyway, when Dudley found out Amy had started the rumor about Elizabeth maybe having a dick, he responded reasonably.

JK that is spousal abuse. My Good Lord. Here I was liking Dudley and now I’m like “nope. Take that trash back to the dump.” Let me tell you, a guy hits a woman once and I am done. I have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of fuckery. Elizabeth is way better off single than with Sir Chris Brown over here.

Nope nope nope. Oh boy. Run Amy run. Run Elizabeth run! This dude is bad news.

Also, after Lola called Narcisse out for being shady and they had a little bicker about it, Catherine reminded Narcisse that being shady was his essence and she loved it and then she reminded him she was a lot more fun and then slinked down the hallway in an extremely sexy fashion and basically what I’m saying is I want to grow up to be Catherine. All young women should want in their hearts to grow up to be Catherine.

Anyway, so Mary’s cipher caper tricked Nicholas into feeding Elizabeth misinformation that cleared the way for Mary de Guise’s supply route. Mary had used her head to save lives and solve a problem. Season one Mary did a lot of this, season two Mary was just trying to maintain, so it’s good to see her back to optimal scheming mode. Charles and Francis were talking about how awesome she was politically and then the FEELS began with Francis falling off his horse…

So like I’m a grown ass woman, I’ve seen fire I’ve seen rain, I was like, I can deal with a little angst. Francis is not doing so great and Mary is at what is possibly his deathbed, but I can handle it. I understand these are all actors and there’s a camera and everything is going to be fine.

And then Mary started talking about their imaginary kids.

Done. I was done. I really didn’t expect to be gotten but I was got. There is nothing more humiliating than crying while wearing headphones but that was me, in front of my computer, watching this, sobbing like a thrice-slapped bitch. This scene was legit amazing. And then damn, there came that ear blood.

BUT THEN HERE CAME DELPHINE THE HEALER! Bash was like “She can save a life but hte price is like, another life” and Mary was like “DO IT I will die for Francis if need be” and I was like “OMG do tears break keyboards because I may need a new keyboard.”

Delphine though, she had to be tired. I mean, Bash had JUST rescued her and CHarles had JUST showed up and forced him to bring her back to Court and in all of this had Delphine gotten any sleep? A snack? A chance to change out of the dress that some crazy nuns had tortured her in? No. Girl was exhausted and she had a royal life to save.

But she did it. Francis has made it through. Delphine was like “Sometimes you take a nap, and sometimes a nap takes you” and passed out. I have never related to a TV character so deeply in my life.

But then….Mary de Guise died. WHUT. Shit dudes. Mary’s mom’s life was the price! Shit. And then that promo?! That promo guys…that promo might as well have said “stock up on kleenex, prepare yourself mentally, next week something intense is going down.” Granted something intense is always going down, it’s Reign, but I need to be held. Hold me!

Thanks again for looking up my review here on my very Twin Peaks heavy tumblr. You likes and notes and comments are everything, I read them all and they make my life. Have an amazing week & let’s talk again next Friday!

Everlark, Mellark Men (Gilmore Girls AU)

eliapolis challenged me with the drabble prompt “Everlark in your favorite book/tv show/movie”. I had a million ideas for this one, but in celebration of Gilmore Girls coming on Netflix, this is the one I chose to go with.

And once I decided to gender-bend it and make Peeta the Lorelai of the story, I could not stop writing! I took some of my favorite scenes from the show and tweaked them a little. So this spans over 2 years.

Warning: Lots of banter and coffee ahead 

Keep reading

*raises hand* Why do I have to learn this? In 25 years there will be an app on my phone that will do it for me.

When I was a kid, my teachers told me America was gonna be metric by now. They were SO SURE. By 2000, in fact. 2000 was a big year overall for everything coming up back then. “By the year 2000, everything major that we’ve been predicting will, suddenly, happen!” It was just so different than all the 19 this and the 19 that people had been putting up with for, like, almost 90 fucking years.

I totally flunked all my metric studies. I so did not give a shit I can’t even tell you. I already have miles, why the hell do I gotta learn about these kilometers all of a sudden? It was like cursive. First they teach you to write, then, hold on there Skippy, they teach you to write all over again. FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

Hay, fuck you! I already know how to write!

No, they told me, you’re PRINTING.

So?

Here it is 2014 and we ain’t metric yet, and I am shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you. Imagine, a teacher lying. You never see that. LOL.

One of the funniest lines I have ever read in fiction was in a Kurt Vonnegut short story called “Welcome to The Monkey House”. It’s set way in the future when over-population is, like, a major thing. To counter it, they have these places called “suicide parlors”. You go in, sit down in a bark o'lounger, and a “hostess” injects you with lethal chemicals, killing you and helping to solve the over-population problem allatthesametime. Suicide parlor hostesses are all required to be over six foot tall, Vonnegut wrote, and right after that he wrote “America had changed in many ways, but it had yet to adopt the metric system.”

Comedy fucking gold.

*a bit jealous*

I must’ve torn that story apart, sentence by sentence, to learn how he built it, so brilliant did I think it was. Go, right now, and read it. It’s short and will only take you a few minutes. What the hell are you waiting for?

But we still ain’t metric. Sure, there’s metric shit here and there in 2014 America, but it’s usually in parentheses after the correct measurement. For example, the Coke I am drinking right now is 12 fluid ounces (355 ml). The metric system is parenthetical to us Americans–and rightly so, I submit.

The only area that I can discern here in America that is truly, completely metric is hard booze. Whiskey, vodka, tequila, hell, even wine. It’s all–and only–metric. There aren’t even normal measurements in parentheses.

Last night before bed, for instance, I drank 200 ml of vodka mixed with 12 fluid ounces of orange juice. Two systems of measurement, one alcoholic drink.

I do indeed have an app on my phone that converts all metric stuff back into normal. I’m glad I zoned out during the whole time my teacher was trying to get me to learn the metric system.

Piss off, were my thoughts. I’m not learning an entirely new measurement system after you’ve already taught me an entire measurement system. Life is too precious.

And why is the metric system so superior, anyway? The system I use does the exact same thing and many, many people think I should convert to a completely different one for…why, now? Is it because it’s based on ten? What’s so special about ten? Is it because we have ten fingers? What about old man Earl who lives down the block and drinks metric whiskey out of a coffee cup on his porch in the summer? He worked his whole life in a sawmill making boards for all of us and now he only has 8.5 fingers. If ten is so great why don’t we measure time with it? Why don’t we adjust the size of hours so instead of 24 in a day, there are ten? Ten hours in a day, made up of ten minutes each, with each minute made up of ten seconds, ten really l-o-n-g seconds…

As you can see, how you measure something is completely arbitrary and does not matter.

Perhaps the reason they want us all to switch to the metric system is so that we can all be just alike. I guess the “diversity” and “multiculturalism” wealthy white liberals drool on and on about doesn’t apply to measuring stuff.

Well, blow me. I say it does.

NON SERVIAM!

A.J. Cook On Within Magazine - 60 Seconds Interview

    

She has been in the mix with criminals for a good few years now, and after recently celebrating their 200th episode, “Criminal Minds” actress A.J. Cook takes the infamous 60 second rundown for Within Magazine. Read the interview below. 

Describe yourself in 3 words. 

Respectful, Protective and Unconditional. 

How did you get into acting? 

I started dance when I was 4 and I grew up in a house that encouraged creativity. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been choreographing dance routines or making up plays. Toward the end of highschool, I sort of just made a natural transition into acting. My very first agent worked out of my dance studio. It was a tiny little agency, but I got work. I was very lucky. I haven’t looked back since. 

What was the last film you saw that moved you?

American Hustle really did a number on me mainly because of Jennifer Lawrence. She’s a beast. There’s nothing she can’t do. She played that character to perfection. The whole cast was incredible. I love characters that are extremely flawed. They’re my favorite to play and after watching this movie, it lit the acting flame inside of me. David O. Russel is my dream director. No one tells a story quite like him.  

If you could play any character, past or present? 

I loved the 1996 film Marvin’s Room which was based on the 1990 play by Scott McPherson. It’s filled with wonderfully dysfunctional and flawed characters. I did a piece from this play back in collage and I was the role of Lee. In the movie Lee is played by the brilliant Meryl Streep.  

If you weren’t an actress, what career would you have? 

I probably would have opened a tiny dance studio somewhere.

Who do you look up to?

My parents are amazing people. They’re still married and they are best friends. It’s adorable. My father is the calm in the middle of the storm. He has such a quiet strength about him that has always impressed me. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak ill of anyone my entire life. They have both been a beautiful example to myself and my siblings.

Favourite childhood memory?

Every summer I would go camping with my Grandparents. They would take all of my siblings and cousins to the lake. Everyday we would fish and ride bikes and hike and every night all the kids would do some kind of production. Whether it be a dance routine, lip syncing to Whitney Houston or doing some horrible play we made up. My grandparents always made us feel like we were stars.  

What do you look for in a man?

A good heart and a sense of humor. I’ve witness my hubby on several occasions take the shoes off of his feet and give them to a perfect stranger on the street. He has a heart of gold. He also has a wicked sense of humor. He’s definitely not a saint! 

Perfect first date?

I think it’s important to do something physical on a first date. Like going on a hike or a stroll/jog along the beach. That way you can see how the other person moves. I think it’s a little more exciting than sitting at a table eating dinner.

Worst chat up line you have heard? 

You spend a lot of time in your car in L.A. I was driving on the freeway and I noticed that the guy in the car next to me had written a note that he was holding up for me to see. It said “You’re hot. Call me”. His phone number was scribbled on it. I almost called him just so I could find out if that ever actually worked for him!  

Today is your last day on Earth, how would you spend it? 

I would spend it on the beach with my beautiful husband and son. 

Do you have any bad habits?  

I drive too fast. I spend way too much time driving. It makes me crazy. I just want to get there as fast as possible. I have to really make an effort to slow down. One day I challenged myself to not drive over the speed limit. I have never been flipped off so many times in my life. I actually turned it into a game! Everyone drives over the speed limit here.  

Now you’re living in the US, what do you miss about your birthplace, Canada?

I miss my family and friends the most. Canada has really good junk food, too. Chocolate bars and chips. They have dill pickle and ketchup flavored chips. It sounds gross, but it’s so good. I also miss the Canadian kindness. Everyone is just so genuine. 

You danced competitively for many years, would you ever take up a role on strictly come dancing? 

I think it’s unfair when someone with a dance background is on the show. The whole point of the show is to see someone improve over a short period of time. That’s what I love about it. You should be able to tell who is the professional and who is the celebrity. I’m no where near the professional level, but I do have that dance background.  

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 

I hope to be like a fine wine and just get better with age. Men do it. Why can’t women? I feel like I’m just getting started. I hope to still be doing what I love, but on an even deeper level. I want to create and produce. I hope to have a few of my passion projects on the go for the world to see.

Finally, Criminal Minds has made a great impact here in the UK. Is there anything you would like to say to your fans across the pond?

Thank you so much for your passion! I am the first to admit that I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. We love making Criminal Minds and I hope that shows through in our chemistry on screen. Thank you for embracing our little BAU family. Here’s to season 10 and beyond!