just not what they think

A crown has arrived in Los Santos. Not just a crown of course, a whole array of finery, gold and jewels and an ornamental sceptre, even a smaller secondary crown, but the true prize in the collection is clearly the extravagant domed affair, huge, bejewelled and topped with a hefty gold cross. It’s for a show of sorts, a traveling display of some ancient European royalty, and it couldn’t be a more obvious trap if the Fake’s had received a personalized invitation.

Los Santos doesn’t have a big arts scene, doesn’t have fancy museums or cultural influences; to bring so much wealth to the city, the crime capital of the country, to roll it right under the noses of the self-proclaimed royalty of organized crime and publically advertise its arrival is so laughably on the nose it can only be the LSPD’s latest pathetic attempt at a sting. An embarrassing police endeavour to draw the FAHC out, ludicrously obvious and yet, despite all reason, it’s working.

It might be offensively over the top but there are, of course, two members of the FAHC who live for offensively over the top, who can’t even focus on the obvious jaws of the trap, knowing all too well that the bait is poisoned but unable to help being hooked anyway. Geoff and Gavin, the big boss and his most ostentatious little snake, both lost the second there were crowns on the table, both shiny eyed and hopeless, full of longing as their hurricane of plans tips into the utterly preposterous.

Gavin keeps making puppy-dog eyes at Geoff, begging and pleading and carefully explaining exactly why he deserves to be the one who wears the big crown; everyone already knows Geoff’s the king, he doesn’t need it, and anyway it just wouldn’t suit his look at all. Geoff is batting off every argument, some with considerable difficulty but he’s determined to hold out, heart set on keeping the absurd thing for himself. Half out of affection, half out of desperately placating bribery Geoff’s instead promising Gavin the slightly smaller, more classically spiked crown; the fine filigree diadem obviously the lighter of the two, easier to wear and arguably more pretty, still obscenely ornate and look how gold it is Gavvers come on.

Boss and conman aside the rest of the crew aren’t quite so blinded by the frankly insulting attempt at a trap. Except, well. Except that they kind of are, in their own ways.

Jack and Lindsay spent a whole morning tracking down sources, ensuring that while the display was fake the actual items were authentic. And boy, the LSPD didn’t go halfway in their bid for stupidest plan of all time – not only is everything certifiably real, it’s worth an actual fortune. They aren’t kidding themselves about fencing the crowns, it’s important to be aware of one’s weaknesses and sometimes that means acknowledging that you work with egotistical children, but there is still more than enough extra gubbins in the display to make such a wildly ill-advised heist worth considering.

Ryan, Michael and Jeremy aren’t particularly hung up on the money end; it’s always nice, sure, but honestly the FAHC hasn’t been strapped for cash in a long, long time. These days the jobs they do tend to have some other purpose, amusement or revenge or displays of power with monetary gain a secondary factor, definitely not sufficient to barrel headfirst into a guaranteed trap. But then the trap is so clear to see it’s pretty much a dare, a middle finger, the suggestion that the Fake’s are too stupid to see what’s right in front of them. If there’s one thing the more rough and tumble side of the crew have in common it’s their inability to stand down from a challenge, their dislike of any insinuation that there’s anything they cannot do, any prize outside their reach. Screw the gold, Michael, Jeremy and Ryan are, as always, just out to ruin the LSPD’s day.

So they brainstorm, they plan, they get into more than one argument about the authority bestowed by fancy headwear and, in the end, after enduring numerous scornful complaints from members the Support Crew regarding always doing things the hard way, they simply call up one of Geoff’s rats on the force and have her unlock the door and look the other way. It is perhaps the most anticlimactic ‘heist’ of the FAHC’s entire existence – not that you’d know it from the way Geoff and Gavin swan about in their crowns. Not that you’d know it unless you were there to witness, actually, considering the hilariously inaccurate rumour that spreads like wildfire, the tale of an epic showdown between the police and the Fakes, the crowns simply the spoils of war in a greater battle that took out half a city block.

To be fair, that battle definitely happened, it just had literally nothing to do with any heist. Disappointed by the appalling lack of action Ryan took Michael and Jeremy for a leisurely drive down to the police station, car full of everything from flares to SMG’s to a full-blown rocket launcher, and the three of them had a little party. By the time the rest of the crew shows up, somewhat overdressed but still drawn as always towards the sound of senseless mayhem, the street is a warzone, a building is on fire, and the LSPD have completely sworn off ever again trying to entrap the FAHC.  

anonymous asked:

i cant believe even santi's mom calls him santi lmaooo. like isn't that weird since *all* of their last names are santiago in the family? would be interesting to know when she started calling him that :p

noooo omg his last name is navarro hahaha. his full name is rodrigo santiago navarro, “santiago” was the last name of his dad’s best friend/santi’s godfather who died shortly before santi was born. so they’ve pretty much always called him santi kind of in memoriam of that.

askdlhsjdh i can’t believe they’re trying to parallel ~Comic Book Royalty~ / ~Series Long-Flagship Endgame Couple~/~Destined to be since Childhood~ ~WESTALLEN~ with freaking kara x mon-el.

Alien Isolation AU(Based off the actual game.)

Okay, so here’s the dumb AU.

Ever heard about the alien series? The movie? Xenomorphs? Gosh, I’m such a nerd.

Here’s a gist: An astronomer, Ellen Ripley,  and her crew went to space for research. While they were up there they encountered an alien species who basically massacred everyone except her. She eventually killed the alien and people carried on her name. Later, she had a child, Amanda Ripley who works in engineering with the same company her mother was formerly in. She wants to know more about her mother since they both were separated(?).

People call Ellen “The queen of Space.” So does Jade, correct? Anyways,

basically if you played alien isolation u’ll get it

characters refs below

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Omg… should I… buy a ticket… to see bap… on April 12…???

originally I was going to make a super long post about my thoughts and stuff on gender I’ve been thinking about lately in regards to myself and how, for the past 2 years, I’ve been feeling super detached from my AAB gender, but

I think what I wrote on my other twitter account sums it up perfectly;; 

gender is fucky, but fluid, and i think lately i’ve been finding it easier to feel more comfortable realizing that i’m not 100% a girl and that’s okay. I’m still who I am. 

A lot of my major conflicts had to do with my culture and religion, but I realized that it doesn’t matter who I am, I can still practice my religion the way I already am. Who I am has nothing to do with how I present myself and that, in turn, has nothing to do with how I have to act. And the fact that I cover up and wear hijab from time-to-time also has nothing to do with being strictly female. 

There are still aspects I whole heartedly identify with in terms of my AAB gender (especially since I have strong feelings about being a wlw), but nevertheless, finding and realizing that there’s something out there that explains my feelings perfectly of not feeling 100% like a girl is such a relief to me

It’s been a long journey of nearly two years and I think I’m finally feeling comfortable with myself. Of course I still don’t mind if people still use she/her in regards to me, but yeah;;

anyway my favorite thing about the trashladins is how absolutely perfect pidge got keith’s hair, she got the exact way that his bangs lay & she even got the little sprig of hair at the top of his head & she clearly spent a fair amount of time attaching multiple pieces of trash together to make it look just like his hair

but with lance she just

absolutely did not try at all, that’s not even kind of what his hair looks like, pidge what the whole hell

Masterpost of Cryptic Shit from The Adventure Zone

Because damn Griffin’s given us a lot of mysteries to work with. (Excerpts from the show under the cut.)

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ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ Iwa Sketchpage! Pick/Tag your fav. Mine’s bottom left corner for some reason.

anyone else who thinks this is fucking terrifying? he’s straight up telling everyone to blame the judge and the entire court system for any future terrorist attack. this isn’t just mr. pissboy throwing a tantrum, it’s worse than that. this is preparing the groundwork, so that when a terrorist attack happens, trump can blame the court system and justify weakening it to gain more power. it’s the fucking Reichstag fire all over again

8

We’re going to save Kong

Tom Hiddleston as Captain James Conrad in Kong: Skull Island (multiple TV spots)

youtube

Today I learned that if you actually let the timer in the Arrival DLC run out it shows the reapers arriving and destroying the galaxy. Such highlights include:

  • The Citadel being destroyed
  • Shepards helmet (head??) on a SPIKE
  • Destroyed Normandy
  • All your friends and crew lining up to be executed
  • Kellys FACE MELTING OFF

Am I the only one just finding this out because holy shit