just need to get saturday over with

whatever shit you get yourself into,
no matter how fucked up everything is,
if you’re failing that class (or several),
or your girlfriend is screaming at you from the staircase,
and your brother has stopped answering your texts,
or the answering machine on the other end of the line is just a reminder that you’ll never hear her voice again,
or you’re staring at razor blades or a canister of blow,
or you’re staring at your hands and you don’t remember the last three years,
or you’re sitting alone on a saturday night
while your roommate gets dressed to go out with some friends
and she asks you if she can borrow your boots,
no matter how over it all is,

something starts tomorrow.

it’s the second law of thermodynamics, entropy.
some systems need the chaos, the disorder,
to increase over time,
for there to be a future.
it is the reversibility of natural processes and the account for the asymmetry of the past and the future.
something has to end,
because something starts tomorrow.

—  last call by i.stein
Straight White Boy Problem #994

Bro: I’m not racist but….

Me: *stops looking at snapchat* what

Bro: *closes his MacBook which has a vineyard vines sticker on it* i don’t understand why there are protests about Black Lives Matter, Donald Trump’s election, and everything else! there’s always protests about something. people need to get over themselves

Me: dude…….you realize you are complaining about free speech and that’s exactly what you just used right now!!! dude…

bro: *puts his MacBook in his north face backpack* you know…I thought you were chill…but now…i’m not going to buy you beer for the party on saturday see ya *walks away*

Me: no please wait I don’t have a fake

Cutthroat Kitchen Drinking Game:

  1. Drink when someone says, “I look down at my basket and realize I forgot (insert crucial ingredient)”
  2. Drink when someone smells/flips through the stack of cash when they get it 
  3. Drink when someone introduces themselves as a “fusion” chef of some kind
  4. Drink when Alton says, “You can turn to your opponent and say, Hey…”
  5. Drink when someone bids more than $8,000 on something
  6. Drink when the judge says something is dry or over-cooked
  7. Drink when someone says, “Oh hell no, that’s not going to be me so I have to win this!” or any variation
  8. Drink when someone uses alcohol and it creates bright red flames (there’s a technical term for it but I can’t spell it… flambay?)
  9. Drink when Alton makes a face at the chef when he standing behind the judge when the judge is tasting
  10. Drink when the judge says something is raw or inedible 
  11. Drink when someone gets caught in the doors or doesn’t make it through the doors in time
  12. Drink when someone makes something “deconstructed” 
  13. Drink when someone says, “I make (insert dish) everyday/all the time so I got this” or any variation
  14. Drink when someone uses the ice cream machine
Not Just a One Night Stand || Shawn Mendes Smut *Explicit Image*


“Ugh,” I think to myself as I roll over to see who the hell is calling me at 7:13 in the morning.

“Dude, really?”

“Well good morning to you too, Miss Grumpy.”

“Julie, it’s 7:15 in the morning, oh and it’s Saturday. Why are you calling so early? You’re right down the hall, why didn’t you just come in my room?” I asked her still half asleep.

“I’m calling early because I just got to work, but I wanted to see if you wanted to go out tonight? Please say yes because I need to get drunk and dicked down, haha!”

“Okay, I know we are best friends, but there are just some things I don’t need to know about you. You needing to be dicked down is one of them, haha!”

“Oh please, you love me. And you should get laid tonight too, I mean how long has it been, like 3 months? Y/N, that’s kinda pathetic.”

“Um excuse me! How do you know how long it’s been for me?! And it is not pathetic. I’ve had plenty of opportunities, I just didn’t take them.”

“Okay, no. That crusty dude from the bar and the sketchy man from the club don’t count. If you slept with them, I’d personally check you into a mental hospital, but not after bathing you in bleach and getting you checked for AIDS.”

Even though I knew she was joking, I also knew she was serious. “Alright, what time do you want to go?”

“Well all the hot dudes get there at about 10:30, so I say we get an UBER at about 9:45. You know, club lines and shit.”

“Okay, sounds good. What time are you off?”

“Uhh, 4:15. I should be home by 5. I’ll pick something up for dinner. Is pizza cool?”

“Yeah, the just get the usual.”

“Always! Alright, I gotta go, but I’ll see you later. Catch some more ZZZ’s, Sleeping Beauty. Love ya!”

“Love you too. See you later.”

*9 ½ hours later*

I just finished setting mine and Julie’s plates down when she opened the door.

“I come bearing pizza!” she yelled as she came in.

“Hey, haha! I am starving!”

“Well lucky for you the Pizza Princess has arrived. So, you’re welcome.”

“All hail the Pizza Princess!” I said pretending to bow down to her.

“This is why I love you. You recognize me for the royalty that I actually am.”

“You’re a mess. Pass the pizza,” I said with a slight laugh. 

We ate our dinner as we got caught up on our favorite show, Roadies. We both showered and started to get ready for tonight. It was about 9:10 when we were ready to go.

“Julie, did you call the car or do you want me to?” I asked her as I started to zip up my thigh high boots.

“I’m calling now!” she yelled back to me from downstairs.


I finally got that annoying little zipper up on my boot and grabbed my purse to meet Julie downstairs.

“Holy shit! You look hot as fuck, Y/N!”

“Me?! You look so good! If no guy fucks you tonight, I will.”

“I’m counting on it, haha! You know we can’t let all this sexiness go to waste. I think this calls for hundreds of selfies and a long ass snapchat story!” she said as a matter of factly. We took picture after picture until our car got here. 

On the way, we blasted Drake, Rhianna, Queen Bey and a few more until the car pulled up to our destination. The line wasn’t horrible and we were let in about 30 minutes after we got there. Right as we walk in, I could feel the music coursing through my body and the bass making my heart thump louder.

“Wow, really?!” I heard Julie shout at me.

“What’s wrong?”

“We’ve been here .7 seconds and there is already some hot guy starring you down!”


“Over there! The tall, sexy brunette in that group of guys.” I looked at where she was pointing and she was right, he was starring right at me and he was a solid 10.

“I don’t now, Julie. I don’t usually do this kind of thing.”

“Which is why you should do this kind of thing! You look sexy as hell and he looks as if he’s ravishing you in his mind! Promise me that you will have fun tonight. Even if it’s not with that guy.”

“I promise!”

We hit the dance floor and the music felt so good through my body, but I was so hot.

“Julie! I’m going to get a drink!”


I wedged my through the mass of people on the dance floor to get to the bar. Before I can even place my drink order, the bartender places two tequila shots infront of me.

“Oh uh, I didn’t order these,” I yelled to him over the loud music.

“He knows that, I did. Thanks, Tom! You know, you looked really good out there.” I turn around and I’m met with the most beautiful brown eyes.

“And you are?”

“Shawn. What’s your name?”

“So wait, you buy a girl a drink and you don’t even know her name?”

“Trying something new. Still didn’t catch your name.”

“Y/N. That’s my name.”

“Nice to meet you, beautiful. So what brings you out tonight?”

“Just a girls’ night with my best friend. What about you?”

“It’s my friend’s birthday, so the guys and I are making sure he has a night to remember.”

“That’s nice,” I say as I down one of the shots.

“Wow! Not even a cheers. Or a thanks? Haha.”

“Thanks and cheers,” I say as I down the second shot. He looks at me wide eyed, but very impressed. For the next 15 minutes, we took shot after shot. I could hold my liquor and was really surprised that Shawn could too.

“Are you old enough to drink, Mr. Shawn?”

“Are you?”


“Let’s go dance, sexy.”

“You know, you’ve called me every name but my own.”He ignored me and  pulled me to the dance floor. 

We danced with our hands roaming all over each other’s bodies. I don’t know if it was the alcohol, Shawn or a mixture of both, but I was getting extremely turned on. I could tell he was too by the way his hands touched me and the quiet moans that left his perfect lips.

“You want to go somewhere?” He asked the words that I wanted to hear from him all night, but I can’t leave Julie.

“I really want to, but I can’t leave my best friend.”

“You know, I thought the same thing until I saw the birthday boy with your best friend.” As if on cue, Julie came over and told me that she was going to give Shawn’s friend Brian his special birthday present.

“Looks like I’m all yours,” I say as I turn back around to him

“That’s what I like to hear. My car is out back. We going back to your place?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “are you okay to drive?”

“I’m good. We can call someone, if you’re not comfortable.”

“No, I’m fine!”

We walk out of the club and head back to mine and Julie’s house. We couldn’t have gotten there at a more perfect time because with his hand on my thigh, squeezing and traveling upwards the whole car ride, I was ready to jump his bones on the highway.

I unlock the door and right when we step inside, I find myself pinned against the wall.

“Wow, you waste no time.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” he said with a smirk. I of course follow that order and connect my lips to his. He places my hand on his hard cock and I get the message. I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom. As we climbed the stairs, he slapped my ass and I let out a little squeal.

“Trust me, there’s more where that came from.”

We get to my room and clothes are flying. Standing in our underwear, I run one of my hands down his sculpted abs and the other grabs the back of his neck as I kiss him deeply. He grips just under my ass and I jump into his arms. He carries us to the bed and places me down. He disconnects our lips and looks down at my body. 

“Holy fuck,” he says as he runs his hands down the sides of my torso. In my opinion, he was taking too damn long, so I take matters into my own hands. I sit up and give him something to really drool over. I unclasp my bra and toss it somewhere in the room. He gropes my tits in such a strong manner, I could’ve cum right there. 

“Mmm, fuck,” I moan.

“I think that’s my line, baby girl.” I let out a little giggle as I watch him kiss his way to my throbbing heat. He peels down my panties and attaches his lips to my clit. I’m a moaning mess, his tongue is driving me insane. I didn’t think I could get more wet, that was until he inserted two fingers. I didn’t want to cum until he was inside of me, so I pull him up and kiss him, tasting my own juices.

I run my hands down his torso and pull off his Calvin Kleins. I lightly stroke his hard cock and he tilts his head back.

“I want to taste you,” I whisper into his ear.

“Fuck, baby. I won’t last. I need to be inside of you.”

“Then fuck me.”

He doesn’t think twice before hastily pushing into my pussy.

“Oh my god, fuck you’re so tight!”

“Uh, fuck. Please go harder.”

He immediately sped up his actions and pounded into me like I craved.

“Oh my god, fuck I’m almost there!” I alerted him.

“Cum on my cock, Y/N.” The way the bass in his voice and the actions of his skillful fingers on my clit shot through my body, I came almost instantly. I arched my back off the bed and held on to him for dear life as my orgasm made my body shake and my pussy clench around him even tighter. By the way he was moaning and sweating, I could tell he was close too. 

“Ugh, fuck I’m about to cum. You feel so fucking good around me.”

I sit up a little bit and find his sweet spot on his neck and kiss my way up to his ear.

“Cum for me, baby.” I know that worked because a second later he pulled out of me and came on my stomach with a string of curse words. No longer being able to hold himself up, he collapsed on top of me and breathed heavily in my ear.

“God damn, Y/N. What are you doing to me?” I giggled and stroked the back of his hair and kissed him on the cheek. He looked me in my eyes and I couldn’t get over how mesmerizing he looked. His face was flushed, he was sweaty and his eyes were still glossy as he came down from his high. 

He stayed on top of me for a few minutes until he got the strength to roll off of me. I excused myself to the bathroom and when I got in there, I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize myself. I was glowing and I could see my heart beating in the reflection. 

“What is this kid doing to me?” I walked out and saw that he was snoring softly. I climbed back in the bed and instinctively, he pulled me in his arms and kissed the side of my head.

“Are you awake?”

“Barely,” he said back half asleep. I kissed his chest and snuggled into him and drifted off to sleep.

*Early Next Morning*

“Hey, Y/N! Who’s car is that in the drive- oh!” Julie barged into my room and woke Shawn and I up. “Sorry! I didn’t know. I’m Julie, Y/N’s best friend and if you hurt her I’ll find you.”

“Goodbye Julie!” I said to her.

She threw me a wink and Shawn called out that it was nice to meet her.

“She seems like a great friend.”

“She is. Shawn, last night was amazing.”

“Oh my god, it really was. I don’t usually do this, but I really like you.”

“You’ve only known me for 9 hours,” I say with a slight smile.

“Fuck, I know, but there’s something here and I don’t know what it is.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it too.”

“So what do we do?”

“Get to know each other. Maybe see where it leads,” I throw out there.

“I’d be honored to get to know you, Y/N.”

I blush like fucking crazy and gaze up at the ceiling.

“Hey, are you hungry?” he asks me.

“Yeah, did you have something in mind for breakfast?”

“Uh well, if I remember correctly, I recall you saying last night that you wanted to taste me. My morning wood might be an indication that I’m not declining some morning head from a beautiful girl,” he smirks at me. 

I smile at him and kiss him before going to work on this beautiful man.

Logan & Rocket Raccoon, Trapped

for @lucdarling

18.  Isolated or Trapped

“Okay, so that’s not good…” Rocket said, running over behind Logan as a shower of sparks rained down on them from above.  

“What’s not good?”  asked Logan, narrowing his eyes.  

“Well, that’s kind of the escape door…and I kind of just…jammed the lock.”  

“You what?” Logan growled.  

“Okay, okay…just don’t get so growly…I can fix it,” Rocket assured him. 

Logan sighed. “Whose prosthetic do you need this time?”  

Four Words - Jane x Kurt Blindspot fic (smut!)

She has to get up and go to work. It’s not something she wants to do, not today, not when it’s just going over her tattoos with Patterson to see if anything jumps out at her, but Jane feels like she needs to. She needs to be useful, even if she’s part of the team and is just as valuable in the field, she still feels like she needs to contribute more, do more to help. So, she’s getting up, leaving her bed on a Saturday morning at eight because if she wants to get coffee she needs to be out of the door by 8:44, and she doesn’t understand why Patterson couldn’t schedule this at any other time in the day. Instead, Jane has to leave the warmth of the bed, sheets sliding away from tattooed skin as she sits on the edge and stretches her arms above her head.

“Where you goin’?”

His voice is always a low rumble, but this way, low and gravelly with sleep, she loves how rough it is, his first sounds of the morning.

“To meet Patterson, she wants to go over my tattoos. She thinks we may tap into yet another language I could know.” Jane shrugs a shoulder and shifts to get up when one of Kurt’s hands reaches out to wrap around her wrist.

“Patterson set this up?”

When Jane shifts to look at him, she nods in confirmation. “It’s not a big deal. Just a couple hours, she said.”

“Who approved it?”

Now, she moves back onto the bed. “…I don’t know. She asked me last night before I went to the locker room. Is…is this a problem?” She has no idea if they should have gone to Mayfair first or even Kurt for all the questions he’s asking.

His face is stoic as he pushes himself up, unable to help the once over he gives her body before looking at her face again, jaw tightening a little, tense. “Look. As your agent in charge, Jane…”

He trails off and she waits for it, waits for him to tell her why he seems so wound up about this. And then she’s suddenly on her back, faster than she thought was possible, letting out a soft sound of surprise.

“….I think I’m gonna go above Patterson’s head and instruct you to stay right here. All day. With me.”

Keep reading

Headcanon that Vanellope sleeps over at Hiro’s a lot (and I mean actually sleep) and that the Lucky Cat Cafe is also open on Saturdays, and they’re both employees. They wake up so lazily, like they stretch over each other like big cats and just snuggle until they absolutely need to get up. Despite it being his bathroom, she hogs it the most but literally all he has to do is toothbrush, wash his face, and get out.

And most of the time, they’re both sleepy when they’re getting dressed, so Vanellope ends up wearing Hiro’s jacket or t-shirt twice her size and not noticing it until the middle of the day.

The team come over a lot, and they place bets on whether or not Vanellope would be wearing his jacket or something. Whenever they point it out, both of them just blush for a second and go “what else is new” before getting back to work.

Good morning - Jr. (Jinyoung)

This is a tad suggestive, just so you know. But i still think it’s pretty cute ^-^

“Good morning”, you sang as you leaned back to lie across your boyfriend, Jinyoung. A chorus of groans sounded as the reply. Smirking, you positioned your head to look up at him. His eyes were still closed, the window allowing the midday sun to cast a warm glow over his half-naked body.

“Just five more minutes…” he sighed.

“It’s almost noon! I know it’s Saturday, but it’s time to get up.” You squirmed a bit as a way to nudge him awake, but he stayed still. As much as you loved to sleep in and wanted to laze about with him all day, you knew you had to get the day started eventually. Plus, your body was signaling its need for food so you had to obey.

“C’mon, Jinyoung, what do you want for breakfast?” As if on cue, your stomach helped to punctuate the question.

He pouted for a bit, seeming to ponder the possibilities. At last he made his choice.

“You,” he grinned mischievously, cracking one eye open to catch your reaction. Your eyes grew wide at first, but having gotten used to your boyfriends cheeky ways, you quickly composed yourself. He smiled as he peered down at you, pulling an arm out from under the sheets to wrap around your t-shirt clad waist.

You rolled your eyes as he pulled you closer to him. “I meant what do you want to eat in the kitchen?”

“Oh? Is that what you meant?” He considered. “Well then, my answer’s still the same.”

You rolled your eyes again and tried to ignore his hand playing with the hem of your shirt. It didn’t take long for his hand to fluidly slip under your shirt and start dancing along the side of your body. He was biting his lip now, a sight that always made you weak. But it was when your eyes met again and he raised his eyebrows knowingly that you knew you had to act fast or you’d never leave your bedroom today.

In one swift motion you leaned over and pecked his lips, unlatching yourself from him in the process. “In that case, no eating in bed,” you smirked, wagging your finger at him.

As you walked out of the room towards the kitchen, he called out, “That’s not how it was last night…”

You clanged pots and pans around in the kitchen to distract yourself from your burning cheeks, knowing he was beaming to himself in the other room.

i need to get my shit together

I’ve spent my saturday evening just imagining neil and andrew hanging out at their apartment. andrew shirtless, no armbands with his glasses on and reading a huge book, neil laying on the couch with his head on Andrew’s lap and playing with the cats and their favorite toy. andrew’s left hand holding his book while his right cards through Neil’s hair. the tv is playing some nighttime talk show and is barely audible. one of the cat’s runs away with the toy so neil just turns over and stares at andrew from under the book. andrew realizes he’s being watched but isn’t going to dignify Neil’s gawking so he just keeps playing with his auburn curls until neil falls asleep. a few hours later andrew wakes neil up with a thumb lightly grazing his eyebrow and his name being called quietly. they groggily move to the bedroom to sleep and its the end to another perfect happy peaceful day that they earned and deserve after so many years of not having this


“Honey, you need to get your puppy under control or I’m going to have to put him down”

Zadkiel cosplay from Saturday of Supanova a few weeks ago! I changed the toga part of the costume up a bit because I wasn’t 100% confident wearing it over just one shoulder :’)
Also I’ll just tell ya now, her makeup is an absolute bitch to do, eyeliner just doesn’t wanna sit underneath the eye and still look goooooood.

All I want in season 9238472 of OUAT is this:

Zelena and Regina having a sleep over in the living room, when at 4 a.m. the EQ comes strolling in, drunk off her ass after having hung out with Maleficent and Zelena saying, “Your sister needs an aspirin and heaps amounts of water,” and Regina saying, “Na-uh. After 4 a.m. she’s your sister.”

Henry walking into Granny’s on a Saturday afternoon, all excited because his girlfriend did something awesome and he’s like, “MOM’s GUESS WHAT?” and when three heads turn, he looks at them and just shakes his head, before sitting down at the table, muttering something about his crazy family.

Emma and Regina dating.

Regina the EQ edition dating Maleficent.

Regina and Regina constantly bickering over who gets to go by Regina and who’s going to go by ‘Gina, a ‘fight’ Regina eventually loses and she begrudgingly announces to everyone to call her Gina from now on.

Regina and Regina overcoming a heap of obstacles and Regina wanting to give Regina a chance at her own happiness, so they don’t merge back together. Or alternatively, they do, but I just really want Regina and Maleficent and Regina and Emma, okay, don’t judge. 

The Stars Are Just Stars And That’s It

part 7 of my webseries AU

The messiest first dates could potentially lead to the best second dates. The thing about messes is that they need a chance to be cleaned up, because then they might become the best thing in the world.

         After her talk with their landlord, Jemma had immediately gone up to the apartment she shared with Leo and called the very man she’d had a conversation about. Only going on one date wasn’t enough to help her reassert herself into the life she’d had to let go of for a little while, but a second date might just get her there. So, she’d set up another dinner for the next Saturday night, made arrangements to have Grant over to spend time with her roommate preemptively, and planned her outfit before even starting to make sandwiches for a night in with Netflix.

         When date night arrived, however, she was more than a little stressed out while sitting on the couch and trying to keep from wrinkling her top. If the first date had gone so horribly, then what was stopping the universe from making the second one that much worse?

         Or maybe she’d been spending too much time watching space documentaries with Leo.

[ read the rest below or on ao3 ]

Keep reading

come mr. dj won’t you turn the music up

Alex is…unenthused with her current situation.

She doesn’t particularly have anywhere else to be on an early Saturday night, apart from sifting through paperwork at the DEO, but this is. Spectacularly worse than her previous evening plans.

She really needs to work on saying ‘no’ to Kara.

Because in all honesty, it’s that inability, and nothing else, that’s led Alex to standing in the corner of a middle school gym, nursing a bottle of Coke and watching over seventy plus thirteen year olds run around in flashing lights and cheap suits.

(Does she hate Kara? No. Is she mad at Kara? Unequivocally yes.)

Found on Ao3

Or: I poked at @ultranos for a three word prompt (thanks again for humoring me!), got the words “coffee”, “bottlecap”, and “music”, and went in a very strange direction.


and let me tell you guys, the struggle of getting there was absolutely worth it. there’s a reason this is one of my absolute favorite cons. it really is like a family reunion! a fun one! where your grandma @winjennster gets drunk and breaks all of her toes! ( @mittensmorgul, you did your best) c;


AND JUST SO NO ONE WORRIES i am feeling better since yesterday! yesterday evening my body did what actually gave me that health scare that threatened an ER visit last month–and it came back with a full force. i was throwing up and being a sad corpse on what could arguably be a large gurney, but thanks to all of you who stopped in during the tiny spn watch room party, my morale did not falter!! 

ALSO it was really great getting to have a booth this year, and seeing the excitement and love that practically GLOWS off of you guys is something that i can only deny so much. that love was there, it fuels me, and it makes me want to be a better artist. thank you so much. much love to the other artists for their encouragement as well!!!

it was fantastic reuniting with the gang that i wouldn’t be the same without ([COUGHS LOUDLY AT @truebluecas @echoingarchives @roboticerror ]) and rooming once more with the hilarious @beestiels, @garrisonbabe, and @unholyseraphs. with big thanks to rachelhaimowitz and crew for animating my body in my time of need!


Do you ever read a book...

And then it has a terrible ending? Like, the entire story is building and building towards this one event, and then you finally get to the end and it’s just such a letdown? Because I’ve finally just caged and read John Green’s Paper Towns, and I’ve got to say that while I appreciate what he was trying to do by defying expectations, it just wasn’t satisfying at all. This is officially a Saturday night I’m never getting back, and I’m pretty displeased.

anonymous asked:

I can't begin to explain how annoying it is to be the only cashier with no backup on a Saturday. The busiest day of the week. With constant complaints about how you need more workers (I'm just the head cashier I have NO control over the scheduling) and people having 3+ returns at one time HOLDING UP THE LINE. While also having a manager refusing to get you change when you absolutely need it

If I can do my yoga every morning…. that leaves my entire day to fit my running in. Lunch times on the days I work are the easiest to plan for. There is a shower at work in the newly acquired section . It needs a serious good clean (and I may bring flip flops to wear just to be safe). I work 4 days a week so it should be simple enough to get 2 to 3 runs in per week. I am going to go tomorrow. Might as well start the month off strong! Friday I have my hair appt, Saturday there is an auction and we have some major farm chores to do over the weekend.

I can do this.

I got this.

Nobody can push me but me.

Nobody is responsible but me.

I have to want it more than where I am at now.

And if I do yoga in the morning, run at lunch on my work days, I can enjoy my evenings in the garden, or sewing or crocheting.

So what am I giving up?

½ hour of sleep.
½ hour of wages/work time.

What am I gaining?

Stress relief.

I got this.

I can do this.


Started my week being depressed about David Bowie and then, just as I was starting to get over that, I ended up depressed again over Alan Rickman. Cancer is a cruel, cruel, thing. Anyway, what is everyone’s plans for the weekend? I was going to clean out my makeup stash, which will make for a wild Saturday. I know. I clearly need to get out more.