just like our favorite pizza joint

When I tell you that I still love you, I’m not asking you to come back.

Instead, I’m saying that I’ve been sleeping on the right side of our bed since the night you left and that there’s still cold beer in the fridge even though I never liked the taste of it. I still put too much creamer in my coffee because I know you like it that way. 

I’m saying that I stopped going to that pizza joint where we had our first date because it just feels wrong to come back there without you and that my friends have been trying to get me to the beach and I keep on saying no because that’s your favorite place in the entire world and I know that the whole time I’ll be there, I’ll just be wishing you were there with me.

I’m saying that there are nights I cry so much for us that I feel like my heart would just stop beating altogether. And some nights, I wish it does. Just so I can stop loving you. But most nights, I just revel in it -the heartache, the pain, the hurt. It reminds me that I love you. Makes me thankful for this pain instead of being numb if it means I get to hold close in my heart all the memories we’ve shared.

When I tell you that I still love you, believe me that I’m not asking you to come back. I know you’re not going to.

—  I’m just hoping you never forget, d.a.p