just like hiccup was

This post was triggered by something that @roachpatrol​ said over here about the expectation for girls to be sweet and clean and harmless:

Holy shit, if I was eight years younger and wandering into fandom for the first time, I can guarantee that the culture right now would’ve fucked me up and ground me down and taken away all my healthy outlets.

Picture: you are a girl at the tender young age of mumbledyteen. Up until this point you have been taught that all dark thoughts are literally hand-delivered into your head by the devil, and that the only correct method of dealing with negativity is to ignore them and pray harder. Concentrate on what is good and righteous and pure to the exclusion of all else, this is how you be a good person.

You are also a fully-functioning human being, one who can feel stressed or lonely or angry or any number of bad things. Mostly, with emotions that are still working themselves out, you feel this rumbling, white-hot white noise under everything, all the time. Sometimes it rolls in like a thunderstorm and everything else gets drowned out, and sometimes it’s only quietly muttering in the distance. Either way it’s always there, and the sound shreds uncomfortably at the inside of your brain.

When you were younger, before you were in charge of your own media consumption, your brain would shred up a myriad of saccharine stories to try and match the noise of the shredder in your head. Bad things happening, people getting hurt, characters trapped in unhealthy relationships of all kinds.

Fanfiction, the product of a hundred thousand other mumbledyteens whose brains are all screaming the same way, makes something in your brain go ping

Unfortunately, if the planet had ever been united on any single message, it was probably that no matter how you feel: 1) your feelings weren’t unique 2) they didn’t matter 3) they didn’t matter because they weren’t unique, they were shared among millions of hysterical, worthless teenaged girls just like you.

Fandom was confirmation of the first, but (with some hiccups along the way) outright rejection of the last two. Fuck you, our feelings do matter, and this is a story just for us.

A disclaimer: these aren’t good stories, otherwise they wouldn’t have to be defended. Their flavor of topic is not within societally acceptable bounds. Fictional characters have sex and get tortured and raped and abused, but their screaming harmonizes with the pitch of the shredder when it’s burrowing deepest.


As a teenager I never thought that my feelings were important enough to deal with, but these stories let me look at them sideways. Audience catharsis is the whole point of tragedy, after all.

And hell, these days I’m a happy, healthy adult who barely even has the urge to go looking for whump fic when I’ve had a bad week. I’m not going to forget just how much bad stuff that fic helped me air out, though, not ever. (Not to mention that thanks to all of those abuse!fics, I can recognize an unhealthy relationship at 500 paces, even if the fictional abuse was depicted as something loving and romantic. Abusers in real life don’t go around with helpful warning tags on their sleeves anyway.)

But holy shit, can you imagine if I’d found fandom as it is today.

Yes, your church is right, your family is right. Horrible things in stories are only there because they were written by horrible people, and they’re only popular because horrible people read them. The very concepts they address corrupt everything they touch.

That shredder in your head, the one that takes innocent cartoons but then shits out sadness and mayhem? That’s disgusting, you’re disgusting. How dare you think about minors having underaged sex, you minor? How dare you consider another person getting hurt? Your feelings don’t matter, they aren’t unique, they’re shared with all kinds of worthless shitbags just like you.

Every ounce of what you read and write and enjoy is going to be weighed for sin and tested for purity. You know, just like the rest of your life, except this time there’s no deity who’s handing out second chances.

Maybe that’s what bothers me most about all of this. It’s the same petty fandom bullshit as always, but “you’re wrong for liking a ship because IT WILL NEVER BE CANON” is a hell of a lot easier to laugh off when you’re young than “you’re wrong for liking a ship because YOU’RE AN ABUSIVE PEDOPHILE AND IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR PERPETUATING IT.”

My fault, my bad thoughts, no outlet for any of them. The message to repress all the bad things so I can look like a good person, but my brain is so full of unprocessed shit that it’s solidified. Nobody actually saved any real children, but my brain sure is getting a second dose of fucked-up.

Are the people getting attacked going to be okay, will they be able to go and address their braingremlins somewhere else? I’d also ask if the people doing the attacking are okay, with all of the denial and repression they must deal with, but it seems like they’ve got venting pretty well handled by taking it out on strangers. 

Hey, c’mon, calm down friends. I bet I’ve read a story that’s got a character screaming at just the same pitch you are.

It helps to read one of those and harmonize your voices, I promise.

I literally cannot relate to these pet posts where people talk about their calm, quiet, low energy cats. Catch my cat at any time of day and night doing fuckin parkour across my entire apartment. I can’t take pictures of him unless he’s dead asleep and even then there’s somehow a motion blur. “Where’s Hiccup”, you ask? that fucker’s probably hanging upside down on a god damn ceiling light or robbing the nearest bank. CALM??? MY CAT DOESN’T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD

been growing out my hair for 3+ years but this is it, i made an appointment at a nicer hair salon for this afternoon and i am going back to the Bisexual Bob

pray for me. and also my stylist

  • Imagine Laurent in bed cuddling with Damen
  • When suddenly he gets hiccups
  • And his hiccups are the really cute kind
  • Which Damen finds adorable
  • Cuz like the cold, snarky and composed Laurent hiccuping uncontrollably in such a cute manner oh my god
  • And Laurent gets so embarrassed he buries his head in Damen’s chest
  • Which makes him even cuter
  • So Damen’s just kinda staring at his cute husband/boyfriend who can’t stop hiccuping
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19 AUS FOR JUSTINE :: Big Four In Storybrooke [14/19]

A GIANT-ASS THANK YOU TO BEYOURSOLDIER WHO HELPED PLAN THE AU AND WRITE THE LONG DESCRIPTION BELOW THIS WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT YOUR AMAZINGNESS

HICCUP HADDOCK III. Was raised in a family legendary for their skills in hunting for sport - something Hiccup has never excelled in. After disappointing his father once again when actually adopting an animal he finds in the forest (and naming him Toothless, of all things!), Hiccup is demoted to help run Gobber’s auto shop. One day Granny calls him in to repair a broken stove and (with much awkward fumbling and maybe a little deja vu) he meets a red-headed waitress named Merida.

MERIDA DUNBROCH. Works at Granny’s Diner to save up for the day she gets to see the world beyond Storybrooke’s boundaries (despite her mother’s disapproval). When not at work, she runs out into the woods and practices her archery. One afternoon, she breaks her compound bow and (having no where else to go) decides to seek the local mechanic’s help. Hiccup agrees to fix the bow, which in turn leads to an unlikely friendship (that seems to be a bit too familiar to both of them).

JACK FROST. Having no known relatives in Storybrooke, he lives with the Bennett family who was kind enough to take him in. Widely avoided in town (though no one really understood why they felt the urge to ignore him), he’s been known to be a bit of a loner. Currently part of the staff of the mental ward in which Belle was kept in secret. Was sometimes assigned to her cell, and found himself being especially nice and offering her extra pudding because she reminded him of a little girl he thinks he might have known (Hint: Emma). One day he goes to pick Sophie up from daycare when lo and behold he meets a blonde girl named Rapunzel.

RAPUNZEL CORONA. Adopted and raised by Mother Gothel, who runs Storybrooke’s daycare center. She frequently takes over the place when Gothel leaves to run errands. It is here where she befriends a boy named Jack Frost, who (since then) starts to visit the daycare more and more frequently …to help care for the children, of course. (Surprisingly, he is amazing with kids.) When not at the center, she mostly stays stuck in her room or by the house where she likes to draw the citizens who pass by or the wildflowers that grow by the water.

Hiccstrid first kiss analysis

Okay guys, I just want to share you an analysis I did for my grandma when I was speaking about Hiccstrid with her!

I’m so in love with that ship that I really found explanations in their attitudes during their first kiss in RTTE S4 (and not because I’m in psychology).

So firstly, seeing Toothless and Stormfly playing like that clearly announces what will occur next.

I mean: they’re obviously teasing HTTYD2.

Then, we have this:

Ok so here they just recap everything that happened during the past few seasons, namely protect each other. In this small dialogue, they remind us all Hiccstrid moments we had. And I adore it cause that was what the producters told us in this line:

“Whether it’s one of them being in danger and how the other one feels about that […]”

Thanks them.

So we can say that, at some points, they review their relation. But in Hiccstrid’s way :)

Secondly, we have Hiccup teasing Astrid…

Like… it’s him who makes the first move for once! And what a reference! He uses the way Astrid treats him with her famous ‘punch’.

And besides, she strikes back.

It’s really cute.

And I think that’s why Astrid takes the opportunity to question him…

Hiccup’s face OMT… He’s so cute and what I appreciate is that he’s clearly disappointed:

Next, Astrid relaunches him:

Then, he answers. And what an answer…

We just learn that he “thought about it a lot”. Like what? OMT Hiccup!! And that he is a romantic. This is SO beautiful. The poor baby was waiting for the “perfect” time.

What I really appreciate is that after all he said, he still hesitates to kiss Astrid. That’s WHY this scene is perfect cause the producters keep Astrid and Hiccup’s personalities here. Hiccup always doubts and Astrid is confident. This is how Hiccstrid looks like and I’m in love with that. So that’s why Astrid has to relaunch Hiccup for the third time in order to reassure him and give him confidence.

Finally, Hiccup is confident. Thanks to Astrid. And they finally share this mutual kiss that Hiccup initiates!

That’s why this first kiss is truly perfect. Astrid succeeds in making her boy confident with her. It’s a really good conclusion of everything they had overcome before and that’s why this is perfect.

Bonus: 

Hiccup’ sigh at the end… No comment.

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This is from Dawn of the Dragon Racers and like, it’s right at the beginning of the race towards the end of the episode. 

It’s better when you see it play out because the nine of them (dragon and rider inclusive) do this amazing midair flip/turn movie (I guess it’s kinda like a U-Turn???) IN UNISON.

They’re literally in competition rn and their formation flying is on point. In RTTE S4 Mala talks about Hiccup and Toothless flying in perfect harmony (and how magical it is)… well, definitely applies to the gang (and also their dragons)

It’s gorgeous.

So, that moment in episode 11, “Snuffnut”, where Hiccup and Astrid are talking to Tuff in the Clubhouse about Ruff and Throck? Welp, here’s a quick scene of what happened after Tuff left… ;) (This is for you @superfandomz :D)

The Very Near Future

Hiccup watched as Tuffnut shuffled out of the Clubhouse, Chicken waddling along behind him. The poor guy looked downcast, but with a slight bit of confidence in his step. No doubt he had a plan to put in motion.

But Hiccup’s mind was far away from that topic, for Astrid’s hands were still resting on his shoulders. Thor, he wished he didn’t have his stupid armor on, it would feel so much better without it. Her fingers rubbing a massage through his shirt and…

He gave a little grunt when her hands disappeared, and he couldn’t help the little pout of disappointment. Astrid missed the look though, for she sidestepped around him to slide onto the bench beside him.

Her fingers slipped into his hand, and he responded by gripping her hand lightly. He smiled at her, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips, pulling away with a sigh of contentment.

“You think Tuff will ever marry?” Astrid spoke, voice on a playful level. “Or perhaps he’ll marry Chicken?”

“Now that would be… interesting.” Hiccup chuckled. “But very much like Tuff.”

She hummed in agreement. “Makes you wonder what will happen to all of us, huh?”

Hiccup blushed warmly, thoughts wandering further then they probably should. “Ah… er, yes. Yeah…” 

“Like Fishlegs… maybe him and Heather? But somehow I can also see him with Ruff.” Astrid mused.

“What about poor ol’ Throck?” Hiccup reminded, finding it difficult to distract his mind from… ah, other matters.

Astrid smiled, “Him and Mala.” She said thoughtfully. “…And then… then there’s Snotlout. Will he ever find someone who can put up with his antics?”

Hiccup snorted and grinned, finding it to be an odd picture. Snotlout would have to find a very patient woman, or someone who just loved him enough to put up with the dufus no matter how mature he was. 

Silence fell for a few relaxing moments, and once again Hiccup’s mind wandered. That covered everyone in the gang… but what about him and Astrid? He thought about voicing his thoughts, but was hesitant… sure, they were betrothed… but…

“And then of course, there’s us.” Astrid murmured with a smirk. Hiccup’s heart rate picked up ten times the pace, and he prayed Astrid couldn’t hear it.

“Mhm… us…” He repeated, liking the sound of that one word rolling off his tongue. “Betrothed… to be…” he nearly coughed in his nervousness to say the word, “to be married.”

Astrid nodded in agreement, leaning further into Hiccup’s grasp. He wrapped both arms around her, hand clasping over hers as she leaned her back against his chest. 

“Hiccup,” her voice was quiet, sounding almost tired yet he could tell she was just shy about this certain topic- much as he was. “…do… would you like children?”

Hiccup nearly choked on his tongue. Did she just say what he thought she just said!?

Basically his exact thoughts!?

“I-I’m sorry…” Astrid rambled, trying to push herself away. “That was very straight forward I had no right to-”

“No, no, no…” Hiccup babbled, holding her close to keep her from escaping. “No… uh, I-I wanted to… ask you the same thing…” He admitted with a blush, ears turning scarlet. 

She relaxed, much to Hiccup’s relief. He didn’t wish to make her uncomfortable. 

He cleared his throat, wondering if he should continue or drop the conversation. But Odin, he really didn’t want it to just… end like that without any answers.

“…so..?” Hiccup asked in a whisper, half hoping she’d hear it and half hoping she wouldn’t. 

“So what?”

Darn it she heard. Was his last-minute thought. 

“So… kids? I mean… you know if we- get married and if everything’s secure and-” he found himself rambling nonsense, wishing he’d just shut the heck up but finding himself unable to. When he’s uncomfortable or shy, he tended to ramble and stutter at every turn. He thought he’d outgrown that, obviously not. 

“Hiccup!” Astrid interrupted, twisting around and placing a finger over his lips, causing his eyes to widen and his hearing to tune. “Uh… I… I would love to have some kids.” She whispered, face hesitant, a small smile faint on her lips. “…But… what about you?”

He swallowed thickly. “Dad would kill me if we didn’t.” he murmured sarcastically, hoping to lessen the awkwardness. He tweaked a smile, to which Astrid laughed and swatted his shoulder.

“So you want one just to please your Dad and give Berk an heir?”

That string of words scared him. Him… being chief. Him, being the father of the heir of Berk. All words that he thought wouldn’t happen until… years and decades. Yet, now he realized that it could all be so soon.

“No.” He whispered, shaking his head as he remembered the rest of her words. He wrapped his arms around her a bit tighter, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. “I’d love to have some kids. Imagine teaching them to ride dragons? Or teaching them to Blacksmith- and you could teach them about weaponry. And… uh… I’ll teach them to cook.” He added snarkily.

“Oh you…” She laughed, giving him another swat, this time on the head. She tilted her head, opening her mouth to say more but hesitated a second longer. Finally she murmured under her breath, “How many… do you… uh…”

“How many do you think you’d like?” Hiccup replied in question. In his mind, he was thinking a whole house full. As many kids as the gods blessed them with. But somehow he didn’t think Astrid would be up for that. She was independent, and having a bunch of kids ground her would probably kill her. Yet, he could so see her with children tagging behind her, little tykes dragging axes and weapons as they tried to be just like their mommy. Astrid would make a wonderful mother.

She snuggled against his chest, letting out a sigh. “I guess I never thought about it.” She murmured.

Hiccup smiled and pressed his lips against her hair, trailing kisses down to her ear and cheek, causing her to giggle. She twisted her head as he gave another kiss to her cheek, and she met him halfway with her lips.

“But that’s the future, we can worry about that after… things are figured out.” Hiccup reassured. “We have lots of time to think on it…” And with that, he kissed her again. 

Punkcup (<3) belongs to @oh–you–pretty–things

forgive me for I have sinned

now to go dig myself a grave of shame