just let it out~

[2]

HONESTLY BLESS SUBARU FOR REALISING THIS IS NOT EXACTLY SOMETHING FAI WOULD WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE

AND BLESS KUROGANE FOR TRYING TO HELP HIM THROUGH IT BY PHYSICALLY KEEPING HIM UP

Because I know this was partially what Kamui told him to do, but it’s also the opposite of what Kamui said. He wanted Fai “held down”, but Kurogane is keeping him up. Kurogane isn’t restraining Fai, he’s supporting him, and the difference between the two is 100% goodness. 

Also, let’s recap:

Helpful people: Kurogane, Subaru

Unhelpful people: the room full of people who just casually watched this whole thing happen

Even less helpful people: Kamui, describing the process for everyone watching

I suppose if you wanted to be kinder to Kamui you could say that he’s saying this to Kurogane, as a way of reassuring him, but I am very much less inclined to assume the nice option where Kamui is concerned. 

The moment Hajime’s mother got the call both, he and his father, were on high alert. Hajime watched his mother’s face twist into sadness the longer she was on the phone, only nodding here and there while she was listening to the person on the other line.

“Of course. We’ll be over soon.” With a few words of goodbye his mother finally lowered the phone from her ear and Hajime could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. He was almost too afraid to ask.

“…Mom?”

Eyes, that were so similar to his own, stared into his and swallowed down the forming lump in his throat, not in the least being prepared for what his mother was about to say.

“That was…Tooru’s mother.” She said in a quiet voice. “You know, how her father has been in the hospital for a few days now. It’d looked like a common cold, but…”

Hajime didn’t need to hear anymore. Instead he lunged for his phone and unlocked it to see, that he had a few missed calls and message he hadn’t yet read, since he had only gotten up about half an hour ago.

All of them were from Tooru.

He briefly skimmed through the messages. It was the last one he had received, that got him to leave the house without any food in his system and with his pyjama pants and sweat shirt still on.

[‘Pls Hajime. I need you…’]

He ignored his parents calling after him.


“Hajime.” Tooru’s mother looked like she hadn’t slept at all, bags forming under her eyes and the area around them red from the crying. But she still tried to smile at him. “If you’re searching for Tooru. He’s in his room.”

He didn’t run upstairs immediately, but wrapped his arms around the fragile looking woman and held her tight. He could feel her shaking against him and how she was trying to hold herself together.

“I’m so sorry.” Hajime whispered in a hushed voice, rocking them from side to side slightly. Tooru’s mother had always felt like a second mother to him, ever since he had gotten to know her.

After a few moments she slowly pulled away and lifted her hands to cup his cheeks, smiling at Hajime with still watery eyes. “You’re such a wonderful boy, Hajime.” But before he could say anything, she gave him a light shove in the direction of the stairs. “Now go, I know you want to see him.”

Hajime was hesitant to do the first step, but then Tooru’s father stepped into the hallway and his hand was placed onto his shoulder. His eyes didn’t look any better than his boyfriend’s mother’s.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He spoke with what he hoped was some sort of confidence in his voice, but he wasn’t sure.

“Thank you, son.” Tooru’s father hugged him shortly with one arm wrapped around his shoulders, which Hajime reciprocated without even thinking.

While he made his way upstairs, he could hear his parents arrive. But his mind was already fixated on the path ahead and it broke his heart to hear quiet sobs and whimpers erupt from behind the closed door to his boyfriend’s room.

He didn’t think about knocking, rather turned the knob in a quiet gesture and entered the room with soundless steps.

His eyes immediately fell onto the figure sitting on the bed. Wrapped up in a blanket. Knees drawn to the chest. Shoulders shaking due to the sobs wracking through the figure’s lean body.

No words were spoken when Hajime walked over and gently sat down on the bed. He reached out to the sobbing boy with a goal set in mind, wrapped his arms tightly around a body, that usually was the source of unstoppable strength but now felt small and fragile in his hold.

The moment his hands touched Tooru’s skin, the crying boy threw himself against his boyfriend. Fingers clutching onto his shirt like his life depended on it and heavy sobs erupting from his mouth.

“Haj…Hajime…”

Said boy didn’t say anything, but merely turned his head and kissed the top of Tooru’s head. Nuzzling his nose into the soft, brown locks. He could feel Tooru wanted to say something. So he kept quiet and gave him time.

“I…I should have visited him more often…” It finally broke out of Tooru. “I should have listened to his stories…Should-Should have told him more how much he means to me…I-I hadn’t even visited him since last week, because of exams and practice…I’m…I’m sure coach would have understood if I’d told him…I feel…feel like I just left him hanging…alone…especially after grandma…”

“That’s not true.” Hajime finally spoke up as he rubbed soothing circles into the lower back of his boyfriend. “Your grandfather knew how much you meant to him. He’d always light up every time we came over to visit.”

“But that-”

“Was always the highlight of his day. Just remember how he’d always make sure that we’d have everything we needed. How we ate ice cream together during summer. Or how we would walk with him and his dog back then. Tooru.” He gently lifted his boyfriend’s chin to make the other look at him. “Your grandfather loved you and I’m sure he knows how much you loved him. And if your tears don’t prove, that you cared and still care, then I don’t know what would.”

Tears were still swimming in Tooru’s eyes and Hajime made sure to gently wipe the ones on his cheeks away as he leaned forward, to press a gentle kiss against Tooru’s forehead.

“…Why do you always…always know what to say, Hajime?” Came the whispered question after moments of silence.

“That’s my job.” Hajime replied easily, carding his fingers through Tooru’s soft locks. “Making sure to dry your tears and put a smile back onto your beautiful features. I promised that not only to your parents, when we told them about us, but also to your grandfather.”

“What?”

“While you were playing with Takeru that one summer 2 years ago, when we had just gotten together, your grandfather pulled me aside.” He remembered that moment very clearly. He’d never forget it:

“Promise me, you’ll make him happy, Hajime. Tooru’s a fragile kid even though he loves to play the tough one.”

“Sir…”

“But I can see that you really care about him. Love him. You look at him just the way I’d always look at my beloved Mariko, when she was still alive.”

“…”

“Make sure to keep him smiling, even when I shouldn’t be here anymore one day.”

“I promise, sir.

He’s my everything!”

“And I tend to keep that promise.” Hajime directed his gaze back down, looking into shimmering galaxies of brown, while lifting his hand to brush his knuckles of Tooru’s red coloured cheeks. “For this lifetime. And beyond.”

A few heartbeats passed until the edges of Tooru’s lips started to rise, a smile forming on his features. Small, but genuine. And Hajime loved to see it.

He leaned down to press a gentle kiss onto those soft lips, that still felt a bit shaky. Hajime knew, that the hurt wouldn’t be gone by tomorrow or the day of the funeral. But he would remain by Tooru’s side, until the sadness would pass into fondness over the memories that remained.

Yes, he would keep his word.

Just like he had promised Tooru’s grandfather that one summer two years ago.

my fucking sons are having a better time than i am right now and they’re napping

please don’t tag it as t cest

i wanna fucking sleep

How to look at your Captain is through round one!

I have officially posted one cap from every fucking J/C episode of Star Trek Voyager.

Feel free to drop me a request in my asks if you want one from a specific episode in the future. 

And so the cycle continues

I still follow a few Supernatural blogs out of curiosity (and because y’all’re fucking amazing writers) and it seems like Cas has come back from the dead again, which is…good. 

It’s also just remarkable to me that Supernatural has managed to sustain itself on this lgbt-not-lgbt juggling for so long. It’s been a while since I actually sat down and watched the show, but even back in 2013 I remember this solid pattern of, “Bring Castiel back, take Castiel away, bring Castiel back…” 

Like, I stopped at 9x03, the episode where Cas has sex with a lady, kills her once she’s served her narrative purpose (which was, I think, to make Cas seem less lgbt?)—and then everybody laughs about how they had unprotected sex. Hahahaha. Real funny. Whatever. Then Dean kicks Cas out. Round and round we go. 

The Supernatural writers want Castiel around because their lgbt+ audience (and a good number of straight viewers) love Dean and Castiel’s relationship. A lot of people are still hoping for a canon lgbt reveal. But the writers can’t keep Cas around for too long, or things’ll get Too Gay. So their solution to the problem, STILL, after ALL THESE YEARS, is to yank Castiel in and out of Dean’s orbit—keeping him just close enough to make the lgbt+ fans hopeful, and just far enough away (or so the crew thinks) to respect the no-homo bubble. 

Which is a bunch of toxic bullshit. 

Things the writers are allowed to do: whatever they want. But like. I’m also allowed to raise my finger at them and go, 

MAAANNNN WHAT THE FUUUUCK?

Like, at this point you can tell the writers are just going to keep yo-yo-ing Cas around, teasing their lgbt viewers until the show gets cancelled or the world ends. It feels really fucking rotten to me. 

I interviewed such a genuinely nice guy today. He was very nervous but he was well presented, had done his research and is clearly very smart.

But mostly he came across as just a genuinely nice and thoughtful young man

4

Sooooo my sister and mom decided that they are going to drag me to the movies whether I want to or not which means that I might not be getting the next two parts of the comic out when I’d like. I’m gonna try and finish this one part and see if I can post before I have to leave, but the second one will probably be posted fairly late since it’ll be after the movie when I get back home. Sorry!

Eleven’s first day of school
  • El’s so grateful Mike insisted on giving her a ride to school on his bike because it gives her a chance to review all the advice she’s gotten from the party over the last couple weeks
  • But a lot of their suggestions conflict (Lucas: “If you don’t know the answer when a teacher asks a question, don’t make eye contact with them or they’ll call on you” Dustin: “No way, you want to look the son of a bitch right in the eye to let them know you’re not afraid. Then, they’ll call on someone else. It’s a power move.” Max: “No, don’t listen to them, just pretend to be really engrossed in taking notes.”)
  • She gets her class schedule and it’s still a little surreal to see her name (Hopper, Jane) written down
  • She can’t believe how many people are at school and it’s a little overwhelming until she grabs Mike’s hand squeezes
  • He squeezes back right away and doesn’t let go as the walk to their first class
  • The class is English, which Eleven loves instantly (the teacher keeps talking about all these cool books they’re going to read—apparently one is about grapes and El can’t believe someone wrote a whole book on her favorite fruit)
  • She writes down everything the teacher says and fills up three pages in her notebook (although she wonders if she wasn’t supposed to because Mike didn’t take out a notebook at all and he keeps looking at her funny)
  • She has to part from Mike for math class, but Will sits in front of her and keeps passing her funny drawings and notes so the class goes by fast
  • After the bell for lunch rings, they exit the classroom and Mike runs up to them, panting, and starts asking El a million questions about how math class went
  • Eleven’s favorite part of the day is definitely lunch because she gets to sit with all of her friends and listen to them joke and argue and laugh
  • Everything goes smoothly from there until the last class of the day when the teacher asks them to pair up with someone they don’t know and then introduce their partner to the class
  • Eleven panics for a second, but Mike immediately turns to her, sticks out his hand, and says, “hi, my name’s Mike, short for Michael”
  • When the final bell rings, Eleven can’t believe after two years of begging Hopper she finally got what she had been asking for: a day of being a normal kid
  • And it was better than she ever imagined

Read Mike’s POV here!

2

“Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.”

7
2

sweet divine, a heavy truth
water or wine, don’t make me choose

it’s been so long since i’ve drawn any victuuri wow o)-(

i wanted to challenge myself a little after a lesson in the gesture course im takin, so i decided to draw smth w/ movement & interaction without reference SWEATS LOL (it was fun tho)

4

#actual puppy waverly earp 

Let’s be real, Arin and Dan meeting Alex and Ryland would just be a bragging competition about their Platonic Life Partners™