just in beaver

Dad Pun Sentence Starters

Send one to my Muse, or alternatively send  👍and my Muse will say one to you!

“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.”
“A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’”
“Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!”
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
“Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.”
“I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”
“How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
“Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.”
“'Wow, you’re a fart smella…I mean smart fella!”
“I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!”
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”
“What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.”
“How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”
“Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.”
“I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.”
“Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
“How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.”
“Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant”
“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.”
“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.”
“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
“What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.”
“I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.”
“The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.”
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.”
“5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.”
“Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?”“
"What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”
“What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.”
“I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.”
“To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.”
“The rotation of earth really makes my day.”
“I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.”
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
“I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!”
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
“Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.”
“A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.”
“I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.”
“Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.”
“I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.”
“People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.”

MOOD.

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6

Brandon: Joel, if you had to have an animal that wasn’t like a traditional pet, what would it be?
Joel: I’m actually so glad you asked me this question.

New year’s resolutions:
  • Be humble like Jensen
  • Be tenacious like Jared
  • Be unselfish like Misha
  • Be unique like Osric
  • Be a good friend like Richard and Rob
  • Be sassy like Mark
  • Be adorably weird like Felicia
  • Be wise like Jim 
  • Be a little crazy like Matt and Seb
  • Be strong like Kim
  • Be joyful like Briana
  • And awesome and lovable like all the Spn cast!

Reblog if these people are role model for you, if they inspire you and bring the best out of you. Because it’s not just a Tv show. 

8

anonymous asked:

I saw JessicaNJpa get asked this question and I'd like to hear your thoughts: do you think the cullens have any running jokes or little familial nuances they bring up that happened like fifty years ago?

Haha ohhh yes. I mean, most of them are more recent, and I’ll start with those cause I love them.

(this is actually something that’ll happen in TLP, but let’s be honest, we can guess this is pretty much canon). Esme,Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Bella (and Edward, because Bella is) are all watching a TV show, when a female character gets killed. She was one of Rose’s favorites, and thus she starts an annoyed rant about all the reasons the death was unnecessary and poorly executed. Edward rolls his eyes and huffs: “ Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?.” Rosalie snarls through her teeth: “ She was the only one on the show I actually loved!”, and Edward huffs some more. “ I know, but I still think you’re overreacting just a little bit.” Rose starts to argue back, but Emmett just scoffs. “Nah Ed, if she was overreacting, she’d be on her way to Volterra right now, with her shirt off.”  For a second everyone hesitates, like they do after most of Emmetts jokes, but then Bella snorts and starts laughing, Alice starts giggling and Jasper chuckles from behind the couch where he was reading, and Rosalie shoots a satisfied smirk in Edwards direction. He can’t decide who he should be more annoyed with, Emmett, or Rosalie, or maybe Bella for laughing so much. Or maybe, Esme, who reproached Emmett, but whose shoulders were shaking suspiciously.
After that, it becomes a running gag. Whenever something goes awry, Emmett pulls of his shirt, throws it on the floor and dashes towards the doors with a shouted: “NO MORE OF THIS WOE; VOLTERRA, HERE I COME!”

Back when E/B started dating (before the whole James Drama ) Edward got a call from a sleep clinic. They had received his resume and were most impressed and wanted to invite him for an interview. He politely declined like the good boy he is, saying unfortunately he had found another position already, ended the call, turned around and hollered: “EMMETT”  A burst of laughter could be heard upstairs and a called: “ I thought you were into watching people sleep now, I just wanted to be helpful. High School over soon man, you gotta find a job!”  ( And this whole watching Bella sleep think is not something he’ll live down soon. Say, for the next faour centuries or so.)

It’s not just Eddie though. Back when Esme was freshly turned and Carlisle fell for her and they weren’t together, there were certainly moments of embarrassment for both of them. Edward respects them too much to make fun of them, but he made the mistake of telling Emmett some stories, who harbours no such restraints. For example, freshly enarmoured Carlisle once asked Esme in an attempt to know her better and connect with her past, what her favorite vegetable was. Which isn’t too embarassing in itself, but the fact that he almost breathed the question and simultaneously perched his chin on his hand while asking sealed the deal. After Emmett heard of it, it was practically impossible for him to ask any question with out repeating that little performance.

Which isn’t to say that Emmett got away without his own share of mocking. His besotted “Rosalie Stare” still gets reinacted, but unfortunately, Emmett isn’t as easily embarrassed. There is a story however, that still makes him grind his teeth- from way back when he was still newborn. They were out hunting, and Emmett, very young and full of energy and without any hunting technique, lunged for a deer teeth-first. He crashed through five trees, but the sixth, a big oak, didn’t break. Instead, Emmett hung half in the air, teeth burried in the wood, Of course it was easy for him to break free, but not soon enough for Edward and Carlisle to see him and to start laughing, His expression when he spat out wood didn’t help- nor when Carlisle said: “ Emmett, I do commend your comittment to the cause, but I am afraid you misunderstood when we said we are vegetarians.” Sometimes when he annoyes Edward, Edward just buys him a beaver onesie and tells him to go build a dam.

And then of course there’s Esme’s little crush on Bon Jovi.


no offense to demetria, congratulations to her on her first nomination or whatever. but im highly upset that confident got a nomination for best pop vocal album over revival. revival received FAR better reviews and ended up on several year-end lists. it went on to achieve much more success (3 number ones on the pop charts compared to demi’s 0). and it’s a MUCH BETTER album that established selena as an artistic force. i understand demi has a great voice and was constantly begging the grammys for a nomination, but like…… it took revival’s well-deserved spot… i think demis talented but confident is neither her best effort, nor worthy of a grammy nomination.

Happy Beaver Day!

Well it’s official - Moose Jaw Manny, one of Canada’s leading sources of weather information, has added an odd number of sticks to his dam since this time last year. As we all know, this means we can expect a full two months of frost and mud.

Beaver Day is an annual event celebrated in Canada that picks up where Groundhog Day leaves off. Just as Groundhog Day predicts the weather for the following six weeks, Beaver Day takes on the next two months. Depending on the number of sticks added to one of the indicating beaver’s dams, we can look forward to either two full months or one and a half months of frost and mud. There is more than one indicator beaver just as there are multiple groundhogs, but of course, some are simply more famous than others. Of all the beavers, Moose Jaw Manny is the best suited to the limelight.

destielonfire  asked:

Hey Jessica, I was checking out your excellent spoiler sheet and you mention that "Misha Collins will be returning for season 13, as a series regular" - may I ask where this info comes from? Because I remember being on the alert for info about Misha's status in the new season but not seeing anything truly confirmed (although I of course had NO reason to believe he wouldn't be a regular). So he's a regular on the same level as Calvert, right? Is Pellegrino also confirmed a regular?

Being a season regular means two things: a certain minimum number of episodes in a season and that you can’t take other work without asking the show for permission. It also breaks down to more money per episode, afaik. It’s a good gig.

I’ve seen nothing announcing Misha was downgraded, which we hear about on lots of other shows. For instance - the actress that plays Maggie on Supergirl was downgraded from a regular this season and it got a lot of press. Same goes for Mark being removed.

So, basically, Mark and Misha were series regulars last season and they remain so this season because we have not heard otherwise. We’ll see how they get credited. The credits may try to trick us though, since even though fans know Misha/Cas is returning, the GA may not. So we may see Misha in episodes where he’s not credited until the end because his appearance is supposed to either seem final or be surprising.  Like, I just checked and Jim Beaver doesn’t even appear in the credits of “Party On Garth’ (wtf)? and he was a season regular in seven. So. Yes.

How to Trigger Canada’s Patriotism

America: Dude, I love Maple Syrup!

Canada: Really, eh?

America: Totes! Aunt Jemima is the best.

*SMACK*

America: What the heck?! Did you just slap me with a beaver tail?!

Canada: HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THAT SUGARY ATROCITY TO TRUE MAPLE SYRUP. I DISOWN YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN CHILDREN.

More symbol starters!

☠ : Our muses are at school when slowly classmates start getting murdered! Will they escape? Will they find the killer? Or will one of them die as well?

→: Our muses in the military are sent on a mission to sneak into enemy territory and save hostages! This is a sneaking mission… don’t be seen!

🍁: Our muses are now stranded in a dangerous forest after a tragic plane crash! What do they do to survive? And will they escape?

👫: Our muses are set up on a date… But they’re both blindfolded and cannot see each other! No judging on appearance - only personality. How does this go?

💏: One muse has lost their voice and the only way to get it back is to kiss the other… but the other muse thinks they’re just messing around. How do they get that kiss?

💤: One muse keeps reliving the same day over and over… but when telling the other muse, they think they’re crazy! How do they get them to believe? And does it ever end?

💞: One muse promised their parents they’d bring their partner over to meet them… only problem is - they’re single. So they convince your muse to act the part! How does this go down?

👹: Our muses fall down a rabbit hole! But instead of the happy little land like in the storybook… they end up somewhere much worse.

📺: Our muses figure out they can somehow transport themselves into anything on television! Is it as fun as they thought? Or do they get into a ton of trouble? If they lose the remote, they’re stuck forever.

🌅: One muse tries to hide the fact that every sunset, the turn into something else (whether its a werewolf, vampire, or just a beaver.) The other muse knows they’re hiding something and tries to figure this out.

🔪: Mysterious murders have been happening in town lately. But what happened when one muse finds out that the other muse is the killer? Do they have a reasoning? Or have they gone crazy?

😄: After watching too man superhero movies, one muse gets carried away and wants to be one himself. But what happens when they try saving people who don’t even need saving? Does the other muse try and knock some sense into him? Or do they just enjoy the show.

?: One muse completely forgets who the other is! Doesn’t matter if they’re a lover, a best friend, a family member, or just an acquaintance… they have no clue who you are anymore.

😷: Our muses mess around in the hospital by dressing up as fake-doctors. But what happened when their disguise works a little too well and they’re pulled off to handle a surgery?

👪: A homeless child finds both of your muses and now forcefully declares you as his/her parent. Do they play along? Do they adopt him together? Or do they take him to a shelter?

💕: One muse is blind, and the other is deaf. How do they interact with each other? Does a friendship or something stronger grow? Let your hearts guide you.

Perhaps love at first sight is real? Our muses meet at a masked ball and instantly click! Only problem is, they go home without getting their number or actually seeing their face… do they find each other?

✎ : Both muses are pen-pals. They’ve chatted over the years but never once met in person… but what happens when one muse surprises the other by showing up on their doorstep?

☣:: When the world starts to end, our muses must try and survive during the multiple disasters that begin to happen. Tornado’s, earthquakes, tsunamis, bombings… do they survive? does one die? and does the chaos ever end?

✈: Our muses take a vacation! But during the plane ride, strange paranormal activities begin to happen and people start dying. There’s 13 hours till the plane lands - will they make it?

✿: One muse tries really hard to woo the other! Fancy wine, a picnic under the stars, rose petals leading to the bedroom… does the other muse give in? Or are they not interested?

❥: Both muses are in love with each other… only problem is, one of them in trapped in an arranged married and will be killed if she doesn’t give in.

♚: One muse is royalty, the other is a commoner. Whither its love or simply friendship, they continue to secretly meet up with each other. Wither they get caught or not is up to you.

🎉: Our muses decide to throw a giant house party and invite all their old high-school friends! But people who weren’t invited start showing up, things are broken, drugs and alcohol are brought, and it starts getting way out of hand.

👰: Our muses are now married for a day! Doesn’t matter if they’re friends, enemies or dating… you may now kiss the bride/groom!

🏢: Our muses visit a hotel to stay the night. But they soon find out that everyone who is staying there is dead/spirits. What happens when they’re unable to leave? Will they find a way to escape? Or will they be killed by the other spirits and be forced to stay forever.

✘: Our muses are now put under a spell where they can’t tell a singular lie! Do I look good in this dress? No. No you don’t.

The last five years ask meme

“If I didn’t believe in you , we wouldn’t have gotten this far
"I’m still hurting.”
“I wouldn’t be standing here now.”
“If I didn’t believe in you ,we wouldn’t be having this fight.”
“See your laughing, that means we’re gonna be okay.”
“I have a singular impression things are moving to fast.”
“Oh no step on the brakes , do whatever it takes to stop this train?”
“I won’t do anything just half assed”
“I’m gliding smooth as a a figure skater.”
“No no, whatever I do I barrel on through I don’t complain.”
“I never worry to walk the wire.”
“I found a woman I love.”
“Things might get bumpy, but some people analyze every detail.”
“Some people freeze out of fear that they’ll fail.”
“Some people can’t find success with their art, some people never feel love in their heart, some people can’t tell the top things apart.”
“Maybe I can’t follow through.”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“One day it’s just like leave it to beaver.”
“Then he’ll smile and his eyes light up. And deep with in the ground a moment comes to life.”
“I’m apart of them.”
“Next day it’s just like it never happens.”
“Then he smiles, his eyes light up and how can I complain. Yes he’s insane but look what he can do ?”
“I tend to follow in his stride.”
“Instead of falling side by side, I take his queue.”
“He smiles. And where else can I go? I didn’t know the rules applies.”
“Then he smiles and nothing makes sense.”
“I’m apart of that.. aren’t I?”
“I could have a mansion on a hill.”
“It wouldn’t be as nice as a summer in Ohio.”
“I could have a satchel full of dollar bills, cure to all the nations ills.”
“Have you been inside the museum? We should go ?”
“Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?”
“The next ten minutes , we can handle that.”
“Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by, if we make it tell then. Could I ask you again for another ten?”
“Just holding you might compel me to ask you for more .”
“There are so many lives I want to share with you. I will never be complete tell I do.”
“Everyone tells you that the minute you get married , every woman finds you attractive.”
“Close your eyes.”
“In a perfect world, a miracle would happen.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.”
“It’s a challenge to resist temptation.”
“She knows. They always know.”
“When you come home to me, I will wear a sweeter smile and hope for a mile you will stay.”
“Your hand will touch my face and scare the grim away.”
“Once again, I will be so proud to call you mine.”
“I’m up every morning at six.”
“I’m waiting five hours in line.”
“There’s table of men. Always men.”
“I’m a good person, I’m an attractive person. I’m a talented person- please grant me my chance.”
“Don’t stare at my resume .”
“I hate this stupid shoes.”
“I’m always such a horrible distraction to him, what is he gonna be like when we have kids?”
“I will not be the girl stuck at home in the burbs, and a garden of herbs.”
“I will not be a girl that requires a man to get by.”
“What’s it really about?”
“Please for a minute stop blaming and admit what you feel.”
“Did you think this would be so much easier then it turned out to be?”
“Talked to me.”
“I can do better then that.”
“My best friend had a little situation at the end of our senior year.”
“A little cute house on a little cute street.”
“Just the typical facts of a typical life.”
“Made a cute baby sweater thinking I can do better then thought.”
“Thought about what I wanted and it wasn’t like that.”
“Went to the city thinking what have I got to lose?”
“Starting to think this maybe might work-”
“Blew my odd with a heart felt better .”
“Just love me .”
“You don’t have to put the seat down, you don’t have to learn to tango.”
“You don’t have to change a thing just stay with me.”
“Wouldn’t leave me alone unless I went with him to dinner.”
“I want you. And you and nothing but you miles and piles of you.”
“Finally I’ll have something , worth while to think about each morning.”
“You and you and nothing but you. No substitution will do.”
“ I don’t need any life time commitment.”
“ I don’t want you to put up your walls and defenses.”
“ don’t kiss me goodbye again.”
“Leave this night quiet.”
“You want the last word.”
“Leave it at that, I’ll watch you turn the corner and go.”
“Goodbye until tomorrow , I’ll be waiting.”
“Goodbye tell I recall how to breath.”

MORE QUOTES FROM THE MADNESS (21+ YOI Discord Server)

[Act I]

NO POOP IN MY SMUT

Ohana means family. Family means you ban one of us and the whole server goes up in FLAMES.

voice orgy time

there’s no proof I’m the antichris

You can’t spell advertisements without semen between the tits

i’ll giv u hot tip every day bb wink wonk

voyage right into my ass

Throwegg throwegg handegg runegg runegg runegg handegg throwegg

siberia is russia’s azkaban with or without magic

‘internet wants the gays, mom’

weeb in progresss

#HamsterFreeAsses

Mmm. I love the smell of gender essentialism in the morning.

shakes fist at stars

I need to farm money hard to pay for Beka and Yura’s genetic surgery

please get your crotch fruit away from me

my only wish in life is to motorboat viktors ass

whoah i did not expect to be turned on in general chat today O.o

Hi we’re the cockgobblers

oxes are getting fucked tonight

we may be old but we are not dead yet

So it’s a long dick vic fic

Hmmm, idk I’ve seen some unexpected things stuck up asses

OMG I LOVE CRACK

bumpin uglies requires bumpers

to do list: shove ice up my gay ass

I ENJOYED AN ICE CUBE TO THE ASSHOLE YES.

IM GONNA PUNCH THE SHEEP

everything is a valid breakfast

daddy more like deaddy

whispers: what are water sports internet only shows me jet skis

JUST DRINK ALCOHOL GUYS

we cleanse ourselves in fire and porn

He’s angry, he furry, he’s on ice

I mean you guys can mail me sex toys if you want

gay lava

'ring toss’ all i can think of is rimming

I’m putting Georgi in my cooter

Gays should always be sheltered from the hetro heat. Someone come fan me with rainbow palm leaves

Id make your mom shit her pants

i got distracted with chris having a viking orgy by a fire

“check this box if you’re wearing a fur suit RIGHT NOW”

i will validate the shit out of you

Good luck for your murder

I HAVE A DEATH WISH NOT A FETISH

Sexual milkman

if you can’t figure out from 6 skaters who the Japanese one is when he’s standing there wearing Japanese skate team uniform then idk how to help you

GIVE IT BACK YOU HOMO EROTIC SINNERS

Human bacon is where it’s gonna be at

Eat kids, sure, but like… Cook them with seasoning

i clelaned my glasses and i can lowkey see through walls

all i do is fuck goats

Every time you lose your boner mid-coitus, it’s the Ghost of Denial floating through your body, seeking relief

Antis never forget their Chastity Belt™

(clenches fist) (raises hand to the sky) (slowly lets go) my final yike, may you be free

“nice fingers you got there. sure hope nothing happens to them”

How do I get a bigger dick Chris help me

Pour one out for Georgi

YEAH THATS HOW WE DO IT IN FLORIDA BITCHES

Real life Disney Prince: Johnny weir

I CAME OUT STILL ALIVE AND PRETTY GAY

I don’t get mail. I’m dead.

I’d never want a blowjob from a Spaniard

i’ll put something in your mouth jj but it aint soap

fuck me in the knee daddy

this chat is somewhere between a dumpster fire and an orgy

plisetsky and the dextrous tongue

discourse™

I want there to be a cereal called 'Oaty-beks’

WE ARE A NON SMOKE BUILDING

ICH SPRECHEN FUCKSHIT

dick me. with your giant monster cock

dont hiragana me, wife

Concept: yurio with one leg behind his head licking his hairy snow leopard balls

Victor looks like a $5 whore

Victor looks like if you threw a handful of coins at him you could get anything you wanted

if you’re worried about being tall then just get on your knees

I was riding the gay

Fuck þat, you’ll learn

~~follow for more soft alcohol uwu~*

careful of any ten year olds ogling your KNEES

maybe a third leg is helpful on the ice

how did Chris fit a washing machine in his anus?

Great, I come back to chat and Christophe has a washing machine stuck up his ass.

Guys, urgent question, but if Spongebob has a penis, what would it be like?

holy shit i wish i survived the dick

We’re raising a contortionist

Most of this cast is less than straight

his name is Dark Overlord Raven Madness Puma

cum facials don’t count

If you praise the Lord while you cum it’s basically confession

Spicy food is the devil’s cum  

i LOVE big dongs
I MEANT DOGS
FINGERS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

wanting to die in the jaws of a giant hamster, lovingly tucked into its cheek pouch until i gradually, softly lose consciousness in the warm wet cavern 

Hand me that cornbrator chum

Omw to dance but wanted to let you all know I had to stop myself saying “hit me with your car daddy” as I crossed the street.

Please immediately give me thousands of words of gay chicken “doesn’t count” Catholic guilt handjobs with JJ

I WANTED TO BE FUCKED BUT NOT LIKE THIS

LABIA FLAPPING IN THE WIND

The marriage will last as long as jj on their wedding night

i saw the words 'severe furry disappointment’. you called?

Surprise it’s syphilis

… being Hindu means all ur problems follow u to ur next life

“i’m just gonna rim this beaver … oh hey, strawberries!!!!!!”

I’M WHEEZING MY FRIEND BOUGHT EXPENSIVE STRAWBERRY SCENTED PERFUME AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS BEAVER ANAL JUICE

Vaseline on body so it slides

come platonically rub ice on my nipples