just going out into the woods

if billy dies, i’m telling you right now i’m not going to take much trouble figuring out some legit upside down mythology reason why he gets resurrected in my fic. it’s just gonna be: (flash of bright light) (billy appearing naked in the woods) billy: …the fuck.

that’s it lol.

Little Rabbit — MDZS 魔道祖师

Mo Dao Zu Shi |  WangXian

Summary: Young Lan WangJi walks into a rather strange sight; Wei WuXian’s lower body sticking out of a hollow tree log as his legs kick around and his muffled cries are heard, completely stuck. 

Notes: I will soon get back to finishing up those prompts, but omg I’ve had this idea for a while now and need to pen it down. Of course it has to be a tickle fic, but I needed some young teen WangXian fluff and a very sneaky LWJ! (Also on Ao3)

Word Count: ±1k

Following the other disciples into the woods, quietly, just to keep them in check, especially a specific person? Intended. Of course it was intended. Lan WangJi felt it was his duty to see what the youngsters were up to, if they were not going to make a ruckus. 

Run into said specific person, two legs sticking out of a hollow tree log that lay in the grass and nothing of his upperbody and arms to be seen? Not intended. What the actual…

Aaaaghhh!!” A muffled cry came from the tree log, and Lan WangJi winced. He looked from side to side to see where his friends had run off to. They were nowhere to be seen. 

“You little traitor rabbit! You did this on purpose!” Wei WuXian cried, his legs swinging and kicking helplessly. He seemed to squirm and struggle but was obviously very stuck. His body up to his stomach could be seen, the rest of it vanished into the thick wooden tree log where he had seemed to crawl into to hunt for innocent rabbits.

“Oh I’m gonna eat you for sure. Yes, you run away you little -!” Lan WangJi looked up to see a little rabbit come out of the other side of the tree log as it ran far away, chased by Wei WuXian’s cries of protest.

“Ohhh.” Wei WuXian sighed hopelessly, and he wriggled again.

“….Jiang Cheng?” Unconsciously, Lan WangJi had stepped a little bit closer to where the wild disciple was stuck, causing the leaves under his feet to rustle, catching Wei WuXian’s attention.

“Jiang Cheng? Can you help me, this once? I know what you’re gonna say. I know. I was just chasing after this little rabbit, I did not know I would get stuck. Forgive me. But please, get me out. And also, please don’t tell Lan Zhan.” 

Lan WangJi froze when he heard his own name.

Keep reading

opinion: no series or story ever will ever have as perfect an intro as over the garden wall, and it does it in two lines and a song

you start with a frog playing piano. you are instantly intrigued. you get given a really cool intro song that plays perfectly on the notes of like, autumn nostalgia? it’s pretty and slow music, showing you images you haven’t seen before but the tone makes it feel like stuff you’ve forgotten, things on the tip of your tongue, rather than stuff that’s entirely new

we then have the narration, that’s like, storybook shit, you think ah yes i know where this is going, this is the feeling i was just having

this is furthered by the creepy but still fairytale style woods

and then we have greg’s first line which is literally just the list “antelope, guggenheim, albert, salami, giggly, jumpy, tom, thomas, tambourine, leg face mccullen, artichoke, penguin, pete, steve” and with every new word added you’re trying to guess what the fuck he’s listing and how this has anything to do with the setting you thought you knew, it puts you completely on the back foot but you’ve gotta find out what it is now

but nothing prepares you for the moment greg goes “but i think the very worst name for this frog is-” and that’s the kicker. bc it’s ridiculous and its funny and it tells a whole story and makes you look at the whole thing in a new light and sets an incredible tone for the story before we know anything about the characters or even reach a single plot point

(i mean otgw continues to live up to that tone and even surpasses it which is what makes it such a good series despite being so short but yeah nothing else pulls you in this quickly in quite the same way and i love it)

anonymous asked:

Idk why but Ive always pictured bucky as being a virgin. Yea he was the ladies man back in the day but I feel like secretly he would just hang out with them & kiss them goodnight at most. I feel like he would be the type of guy to be all talk just to sound macho but really be sensitive & wait to only have sex with someone he loves 💕 ~ I'd be so down for a reader taking Bucky's virginity instead of Steve's for freaky friday! What do you think? 😁 Ps anyone else share my vision? 😋

Originally posted by captain-flint

He’s baptized between your thighs.

At least, that’s what he thinks.

He’d never made love before. Not even during the war.

He blames it on a lot of things: anxieties, the timing, kidnapping, brain washing, the threat of Europe and its dark, cold woods.

He’d had dames – taken them out, kissed them, fingered them a little. He liked the feel of a girl beneath him.

But, he was also a fucking romantic. He wanted to wait.

When he falls into the Alps, the first thing he thinks is how he is going to die a virgin and how that is really kind of sad.

Turns out it all just comes down to destiny.

Keep reading

— into the woods, 3: the nest (m.)

— notes; STOP REPOSTING AND/OR RE-IMAGINING THIS AU AS YOUR OWN. THAT IS ALMOST THE SAME AS REPOSTING WORD-FOR-WORD. if you want to write a goblin au, go ahead, but do your own research instead of just stealing how i created them for my au!

pairing; jungkook/reader
genre; goblin au, smut, fluff
rating; explicit
words; 10,229

— synopsis; with the pressure of a possible pregnancy looming over your head, you venture back into the dangerous woods to find out what really happened to jungkook.

warnings/tags; goblin!jungkook, oral (f receiving), face sitting, multiple orgasms, impregnation kink, creampie, unprotected sex (stay safe!), rough sex, overstimulation, mild cum play, dirty talk, begging, teasing, dom!jungkook, pregnancy, domesticity.

— chapters; the grove (01) | the thicket (02)the nest (03)

It was a painful few weeks of waiting and waiting, the symptoms from before only getting worse as time went on. You weren’t sure if it was because you were pregnant or because you were so stressed over possibly being pregnant. You hadn’t seen the village physician yet, too afraid to go back to her home and get checked on again. You didn’t know if you wanted to be pregnant—

You didn’t know if you didn’t want to be pregnant.

Would it be so bad, to bear Jungkook’s child? To bear a goblin’s child?

That spark, that connection, to Jungkook was unlike anything you’d ever felt before. You were doubtful that you’d ever feel it with another man again. Was this the feeling that your mother had described to you before in your younger years when she spoke of your father? You couldn’t be positive it was, but you knew it could be the start of something magical.

But the thought of Jungkook made tears well in your eyes, hands trembling as you remembered his blood spilling between your fingers and the arrow piercing his flesh.

Keep reading

qrred  asked:

Can we talk that the kara and lena scene in the end happen in an elevator, like we know kara is claustrophobic and idk i just like how vulnerable kara was in the whole scene in a place she isnt comfortable being. Nice use of the enviroment basically

Oh, interesting catch! Definitely adds a charge to the scene.

And it offers a touch of anxiety to Kara here, who seemed equal parts relieved to have a moment in which lives and friendships weren’t at stake and presently burdened with it all:

peter: synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy, but if i invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re going to die.

james: my favorite is “butt dial” vs “booty call”.

remus: it’s called connotation

sirius: [smirking, casting a pointed look towards remus] also “forgive me father, i have sinned” vs “sorry daddy, i’ve been naughty”

remus: [choking] great news! language is canceled!

🌱🌸Ostara🌸🌱

So, for those of you new to Pagan holidays, Ostara is pretty much Easter, but better (obviously) than Easter (BY THE WAY BECAUSE THIS WAS UNCLEAR, THE EASTER THING IS A J O K E) Ostara is the celebration of the beginning of the Vernal (spring) Equinox (that is, if you’re in the Northern Hemisphere) when spring reaches the midway point and both day and night stand in perfect balance. It is a time of great fertility, new growth, and newborn life. The next full moon (a time of increased births) is called the Ostara and is sacred to Eostre, the Saxon Lunar Goddess of fertility (from whence we get the word estrogen, whose two symbols were the egg and the rabbit. These same emblems of Easter were adopted by the Christian religion. “The theme of the conception of the Goddess was adapted as the Feast of the Annunciation, occurring on the alternative fixed calendar date of March 25 Old Lady Day, the earlier date of the equinox. Lady Day may also refer to other goddesses (such as Venus and Aphrodite), many of whom have festivals celebrated at this time.” ~Wicca Ways and Holidays.

💫Ostara💫 🌸Correspondences🌸

Colors🌈: pastel blue, pink, violet, green, yellow, orange, and white

Crystals💎: rose quarts, aquamarine, amethyst, jasper, moonstone

Flowers💐: tulips, daffodils, Easter Lillies

Herbs🌿: violet, honeysuckle, lemongrass, cleavers, catnip, dogwood, meadowsweet

Animals🐾: butterflies, chicks, bunnies, lambs, robins, pigs

Food🍽: cheese, eggs, salads, chocolate, hot cross buns, seeds, yogurt, jellybeans

Incense and Oils💨: jasmine, rose, sage, strawberry, lotus, ginger, lavender, African violet

Spells🔮: balance, fertility, new growth, marriage, rebirth, renewal, self-love, happiness

Gods⭐️: The Green Man, Oden, Pan, Thoth, Osiris

Goddesses🌟: Eostre, Aphrodite, Gaia, Venus

🌷Ostara Activities🌷

To celebrate, you don’t necessarily NEED to do any activities, but here are some of the things that I personally do to celebrate, as well as some things that others do to celebrate!

~Plant a faerie garden

~Plant some seeds!!

~Decorate eggs (preferably with natural dyes)

~Plan a summer garden!

~SPRING CLEANSING (both physically and metaphysically, as both are very important)

~Bake hot cross buns (I’ll add my own recipe)

~Create bird feeders and houses

~Oomancy (egg divination)

~Go on a nature walk, hike through the woods, or even just sit outside or in the forest/nature and connect with the new life forming around you!

~Bake egg related dishes and dishes with fresh greens!

~Set up an Ostara altar!

~Decorate for Ostara with eggs, flowers, pastels, etc.

~Wear pastels or floral garments, or do some nice pastel makeup if you can’t wear pastel/floral clothing

~Leave out candy offerings like jellybeans or chocolate

~Get some potted plants for your room/living space and speak to them; connecting with your plants will connect you to the spring happening around you!

~Ostara rituals! (Ritual baths are great, by the wayyyy)

~SELF LOVE SPELLS!!!!!!!

Queen of Air and Darkness snippet: Kit and Ty

fashfoshah84 said:  I have a question about QUAAD, it concerns Tiberius. I know that Livvy’s death is a shock to all the Blackthorns especially Ty — I don’t know if it’s a spoiler to say will he go off the rail and do things that he will regret? 

I know why you’re asking! I’ve seen quite a few comments regarding what we learn about Kit and Ty in the chapter sampler that was given out at Bookcon. The whole sampler will be online soon, but for the interested, here’s the part of Chapter Three that features Kit, Ty, and Ty’s possible future plans … 

MANY SPOILERS!

Keep reading

ghouls just wanna have fun 👻

The Seance – inspired by Demonic!
by @taepott (was gukvenchy/gukwitch)

You and your friends go exploring in an abandoned house in the middle of the woods surrounded by mystery and ghost stories; what you find there may not be what you’re looking for.
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Wraith – inspired by The Shining!
by @gimmesumsuga 

A month or so of laser focus; that’s how long it should take to get it done.
No distractions, no procrastination…
Short term suffering for long term success.
All work and no play never hurt anyone right?
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Perfidy – inspired by The Babysitter!
by @yminie

Perfidy [pur-fi-dee] | noun, plural per•fi•dies
– deliberate breach of faith or trust; faithlessness; treachery.

Why do so many people in scary movies die?

They trust the wrong people.
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Moving On – inspired by Carrie!
by @gukyi

When Kim Namjoon moves to a new town the year before graduation, the first and only thing he is told is to stay away from her.
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Zemblanity – inspired by Misery!
by @cinnaminsvga

“I’ll write a song for you, Park Jimin.” You say, unaware of the weight of your promises slowly finding its way around your neck.

”Pinky swear?”

The noose tightens. “I swear on my life.”
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Hide & Seek – inspired by Sinister!
by @oppamansae

Maybe you shouldn’t have watched those tapes you found in the basement. Maybe you should’ve just stayed with your parent. Maybe you should’ve just hidden yourself better, and ran away when you still could.
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

Sub Rosa – inspired by The Thing!
by @seokkbuns

A long-awaited camping trip with your friends takes a turn you couldn’t have ever expected, and you find yourself wishing you’d never left your house in the first place. What are you to do when you let a wolf so unknowingly into your herd of sheep?
OUT NOW! FIND IT HERE.

**the post title might be cute/lighthearted but the works of fiction themselves are not. Please ensure upon reading you’re aware of any warnings listed by the authors and read at your own risk..

A list of cliche things I’ve learned from writing the first draft of my novel:

- Don’t expect perfection. I spent about six months writing and rewriting the first chapter so I could make it ‘perfect.’ Eventually, I moved on. The first chapter didn’t even matter, because now I have to rewrite it. I learned more from finishing the book than wasting time on trying to perfect the hook sentence.

- The novel will go through changes, even as you write. So, I expected my story to be about people getting lost in the woods under mysterious circumstances. I had a better idea halfway through. It was more dynamic and it impacted my characters on a deeper level. So, what I thought was going to be the plot of my novel, became just a plot thread. It’s okay, be loose. You’re probably going to rewrite the whole thing anyway.

- Dedication is key, but don’t burn yourself out. I wrote every day, with the goal of writing 500 words a day on average over a month. Rather than setting a daily goal, I chose to average out my goal, just in case life got in the way. I found it super helpful considering I was working and going through school.

- Love thy characters. You’re going to be spending a lot of time with them. Make them interesting, make them flawed, make them real. Love them… But love their pain more.

- Finishing may not feel so great. I spent months with these characters. I helped them along their journey, and writing gave me a sense of purpose. It was something I looked forward to every day, the only thing I could think about. One day, it was over. I didn’t know what to do with myself. But there is a silver lining…

- It’s not over. Writing is rewriting. I finally got to read my novel, after letting it sit for a few weeks. It’s terrible and I love it. All I could think about is rewriting it. Today is the day. 

Good luck on your writing journey.

9

he said it made him feel the most special he’d ever felt, that we were the last people on earth, cause it was just us. they’re together, in that moment. i still wanna feel that one day.

Rivals pt 1

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4…

Pairing: Jaehyun x fem reader

Genre: smut

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: thigh riding, rough sex, 

Author: Admin Yugyeom

A/N: so yeah this is most likely gonna end up a series please tell me if you like it and want it to continue.

A/N: Just saying when I had to come up with law firm names I legit just went into the map of Seoul and saw a national park and was like why not name a law firm after that bc I cannot think of anything else, so if you’re wondering what Bukhansan is, its a national park.

Originally posted by nctaezen

Keep reading

Out of the Blue 04

Rated: M

Warnings: Angst, hybrid smut, knotting, 

Summary: Jungkook has only ever thought of his breeding clients as just that - clients, and he’s always quite indifferent to them since he only ever knows them for a short period of time. But then you come along, and he starts experiencing feelings that aren’t being manipulated by your heat. Real feelings, that he has never harbored before with anyone else.

Notes: so wow this took a fuck of a lot longer to get out than i ever thought could even happen but here we are and i only have my bitchass to blame. but anyways !!! i hope this chapter was worth at least somewhat of the wait! next chapter is going to be a little cuh-razyyy ! also this was lightly edited, i’ll be coming back later to fix any small mistakes.

Words: 7.2k.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04


Time was drawing near, and both you and Jungkook could sense it.

It was obvious in the way the breaks between your fever became longer - your need to be bred more spaced out and less intense. Usually around this time of the arrangement, Jungkook would end up showering by himself and recouping alone - generally just taking care of himself while he waited for his client to catch another fever.

He would also feel less possessive of his clients, because by now, they were usually so marked up and reeked of his scent that no other male would even be interested in them after smelling his obvious claim. And not to mention, their chance of pregnancy during this time was not nearly as high as in the beginning, so his natural instincts knew that if another male tried to breed them, it would most likely be a failed attempt.

But this arrangement he had with you, everything was different. The moment he smelt your scent as you came through the front door of the mansion on the very first day, he knew things were going to be different.

Keep reading

Dark Desires ( JJK/ Demon AU)

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook| Reader
Words: 6.3K
Rating: NSFW (18+) 
Genre: Demon AU 
Warnings: pwp. smut. fingering, oral (receiving/giving), cumplay, edging,                     orgasm denial, dom/sub undertones.  
Synapse: You’re a herbalist looking for herbs and the reason behind the mountains being off limits. Surely, the hills must have more medicinal plants, but, what lies there, is something far more sinister. 

For my lovely wife @barbika1508 who requested me with a prompt that turned absolutely filthy under her influence. I’ve got no regrets whatsoever. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Masterlist || One shots Masterlist

Keep reading

A Stolen Bride // Warrior Prince! Bakugou x Reader.

You are mine…”


He was infamous.


His people had always been well known and feared. For centuries, they had roamed around the earth, taking over territories and destroying everyone who got in their way. They were nomads, pulling up camp wherever they saw fit.


They waged battle with everyone, burned down villages and cities alike. They took slaves, held royalty for ransom, brought mayhem with them wherever they roamed. Most rulers never bothered them, allowing the Warriors to do whatever they wished or simply paying them to go away. They didn’t see a point in fighting them.


No hero, no army, no one had ever stood in there way. They had crushed them all. Especially now that Bakugou, the Warrior Prince, was ruling over them. He was more ruthless and more violent then any other previous leader. Rarely did he show mercy or leave survivors but those who did manage to escape…they told of nightmares.


You had only heard bits and pieces that had traveled through the villages and they had been enough to frighten you. But they hadn’t been enough to prepare you. The warriors had been heard before they had been seen. The sounds of thousands of footsteps shook the earth, their voices carried on the wind. The words were rough and unfamiliar, a language you had never heard before.


Scouts were sent but never returned.


And it was then that panic truly set in. Quickly, your people prepared to leave. Some wanted to hide in the surrounding forests, others wanted to run to the neighboring villages. You remembered the path near the river and wondered if it was safe to run to it. But…you never got to find out. No one did. No one even got so much as the chance to run. The warriors rained down upon you like a fiery rain, shouting angry, unfamiliar words that mingled with the screams of your friends and neighbors.  


It was like something out of nightmare.


Fire swept through your little village, blood ran like a red river. You could see the flames from your window, drenching everything in a red glow. The shadows of marching men were painted across them in an eerie display. You had remained hidden in your home, your hands clamped over your ears in an effort to drown out the nightmare outside. But the sounds only became louder and louder…until you heard it.


The sound of woods smashing and splintering into a thousand pieces. Your front door. You heard heavy boots stamping on your floors. And laughter. Deep, frightening laughter. You froze, hoping they would think that the house was empty. You heard only the steps of a single warrior wandering around your home, the floorboards creaking beneath them.


Just leave. Just go.’  You prayed.


“I know you’re in here.”


He spoke. He spoke in your own language and for a second, you were so shocked that you didn’t even register what he was saying. His voice was deep and reminded you of a guttural growl.


“Just come on out! I might go easy on you if you do.”


His words rolled in your head, bringing you to a single choice: leaving. You had to leave here. If you stayed, he would surely find you hiding in your bedroom and…and kill you. But if you made a break for it, you might be able to escape into the forest and hide there. His steps grew closer. You took a deep breath…and you ran.


Bolting across the room, you threw open the window and gasped in horror. From your window, you could see the destruction, the fire and the bodies laid out in the streets. Fear left you frozen for a moment but the sound of footsteps pounding up the stairs brought you to your senses. With shaking legs, you climbed out onto the roof and began to crawl across it. If you turned the corner, you could use the ivy to climb down and run. Maybe, just maybe, you could make it. A loud smash made you scream and crawl faster. You looked over your shoulder as you turned the corner, stealing a glimpse of blood-covered skin and spiky blonde hair.


“Hey!”


His boots slammed onto the roof, rushing after you. In an effort to escape, you stood up and made a run for it…only to lose your balance and fall off of the roof. You could only gasp as you stumbled down. Would you be hurt? How badly? Perhaps if you played dead upon hitting the ground, he would leave you be.


But you didn’t fall.


He didn’t let you fall.


Instead, he reached out and took hold of your wrist, pulling you back onto the roof…and right into his arms. In an almost graceful kind of way, the warrior whirled around and pinned you to your own house, leaning over you as he did. You finally got a good look at the warrior, staring up at him with wide eyes.


His hair was ash blonde, thick and spiky. His skin was covered in blood (his? Or another’s?) and scars, so many scars. He had been in many battles. He was a bit taller then you and very muscular, his entire body seemed tensed and excited. And his eyes…His eyes were bright red and gleaming as he looked down at you.


“Gotcha.” He said, smirking smugly at you.


The warrior leaned forward, his white teeth glinting in the moonlight. Though you didn’t know what he was going to do, you closed your eyes out of the anticipated pain and fear. You expected him to bash his face into yours or to break your neck. You didn’t expected him to…smell you. The warrior had buried his face in your hair and neck and breathed in your scent deeply, as though it was something he had been wanting forever.


You whimpered and he chuckled, the sound vibrating against your neck.


“You scared of me? Bet you are…bet you heard all kinds of stories about me…”


He pushed your hair back, his heavy hand playing with it as his lips pressed to your neck. And his teeth. You felt his teeth too, just for a moment. Your heart raced wildly (Could he feel it? You were certain that he could) and your breath caught in your throat. He laughed again, a little bit louder this time.


“The terrible Bakugou! Warrior Prince! Murderer! Monster!”


Him. It was him.


It wasn’t just any warrior who had you in his arms but their ruler. The Warrior Prince.


You whimpered upon feeling his teeth on your neck once more, this time biting down. Hard. You were certain that he had drawn blood. His rough tongue run over the mark, licking your throbbing skin.


“It’s all true. Every fucking word. I’m a real bastard but…even a bastard wants a wife.”


You wondered why he was telling you this but became distracted by pain. He bit you again, this him harder and higher up your neck. You knew that he had drawn blood the second time and once more…his tongue ran over the bite mark. He was lapping your your blood, you realized, as though it was a sweet treat.


“Been looking for one too. Gotta have heirs and a warm bed and all that shit. Then I saw you, walking along that river…”


You remembered that. You remembered picking berries along the river and feeling like you were being watched. At the time, you had thought of bears and bandits…and now you knew that it had been so, so much worse.


His teeth left your neck and he looked at you, his red eyes flashing in the light of the fire.


“Please, please…let me go…” you whispered.


He only laughed, the manic sound echoing with the screams and battle cries.


“Oh, no, baby!” He said. “You don’t GET a choice in the matter!”


His grip on your tightened as he glared at you, a smirk painted on his face.


“You’re mine now. So just fucking deal with it.”


That was the night you lost everything. Your friends, your family, your home. Everything you had ever known was wiped out in a single night and you wept for all of it. Bakugou couldn’t have cared less, telling you only to shut up ans stop struggling as he carried you away. The Warrior Prince sighed in annoyance, glaring down at you.


Rather then whisper a word of comfort, he simply tossed you onto a massive horse. You considered leaping down and trying to run away but before you could, he was there. His arms wrapped around you and kept you pinned to his chest as he rode, rode away from the battle and the fire and the blood.


The horse thundered through the forest, leading you away to god knows where. You realized that you were not only in the arms of the Warrior Prince…but of your future husband. As though he had been struck by a similar thought, his little wife trapped in his embrace, Bakugou suddenly smirked.


He kissed your neck once more, his lips pressing against the throbbing mark he’d left on your neck. You gasped, closing your eyes tight, and he laughed that frightening laugh. Everything, everything you had ever known and loved, was gone. Gone forever. And though you had no idea what you life would be like now…the very idea of it frightened you.


How could it not?


The Warrior Prince had claimed you as his on that brutal, bloody night. You were his now…His wife, his captive, his princess, his plaything.


And you always will be!”


(Thank you to the requester!!)

My party was sort of winding down in a city after escaping their first dungeon.

Most of the party members were exploring the market looking for stuff for themselves, and meanwhile the wood elf bard (who has 6 intelligence and in his backstory he essentially grew up as a cryptid living in the woods) decided to walk out into the town square and just lay face down in the dirt.

DM (me): People passing through the square all shuffle past you uncomfortably, a few stop and mutter to each other seeming nervous. After a while you are approached by two guards and one of them pokes you with the butt of his halberd.

Guard 1: “Hey, uh.. are you alright there?”

Wood Elf: *grunts*

Guard 1: “Alright well… you’re creating a bit of a disturbance here..”

Wood Elf (OOC): *burps* *laughs* I do that in character

Guard 1 (as I stifle laughter): “..so we’re just going to have to ask you to move along”

Wood Elf: “Sure thing officers”

Wood Elf (OOC): I then stand up, climb into the fountain in the middle of the square, and curl up into a ball

Guard 1: “Uh.. sir? You can’t do that, you need to get out of the fountain or we’re going to arrest you for drunk and disorderly”

Wood Elf (OOC): Can I say “I only speak elvish” in elvish to try and convince them that I don’t understand them?

DM: Alright, roll deception

*gets 18*

Guard 1: “…he is an elf, maybe he doesn’t understand common?”

Guard 2: *stares at Guard 1* “…he JUST SPOKE common to us”

Wood Elf (OOC): I try to speak more elvish to convince them

*rolls another deception check and gets 4*

Wood Elf: (in common) “I don’t speak any common”

The entire party lost their shit and I actually almost choked to death on my drink and had to take a few minutes to recover