just get it out of your system

RAQUEL’S GUIDE TO SKIN THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST WON THE LOTTO

Hello there binch baguettes! After one anonymous question (such popular demand) I have put out my skin care essentials for no one to give a shit about!

Before I begin, I have a few disclaimers. Numero uno: I am not a board-certified dermatologist (although you should pray for me because im trying to get into the system) so this should not replace anything that your doctors’ have recommended for you. 

Numero dos: I used to have acne just like everyone else in this damn world! Yea it fricken sucks but you know what it goes away especially if you’re patient. I actually never went to a derm and I waited till my hormones balanced out..boom it started un-flaring lmao. 

Numero tres: whenever you want to buy skincare i highly suggest to do a patch test of it before you put it on your face. I do this buy putting a small amount on my wrist and if i see a reaction within like 24 hours (obviously like leave it on for a few min and wash it off) i throw that shit out! **this is how i found out i can’t have any products with honey in them!

Numero quatro: I love to change up my skincare products everyday, I don’t use the same thing everyday and I highly suggest you do the same thing! 

LETS GET STARTED: 

Morning: I do not wash my face in the morning! My mom always told me not to wash it in the morning because it actually dries out your face more?? So i don’t lmao. i tone my face with some witch hazel that i buy on amazon (its like william thatcher or something). Then I put on either Niacin B3 serum (also on amazon), rosehip oil (amazon), or the ordinary’s buffet serum (deceim). After that I use glossier’s priming moisturizer.. its actually not bad and it prevents any dryness that comes with using serums… Then i do my makeup and spray some rosewater to make it look like i sweated a lot 

Nights: Ok i like to do a peel every 2 weeks and by that i mean an actual acid peel! I do this to keep the pH of my skin balanced out! Your skin actually prefers acidity over basicity (umm how do you think it kills all those microbes) so shit with benzoyl peroxide is literally like putting ammonia on your skin lmao. I love Makeup Artists Choice to get my peels because they are trustworthy and they actually make their own stuff in labs!! NEVER BUY PEELS WITHOUT READING REVIEWS!! Their stuff is super affordable and I actually buy the sample sizes and they last me months! My favorite peel is the Radiance peel and it literally clears me up within a day. I love their Argan oil because it’s 100% virgin with no additives and its the best for people with oily skin! i use it after peels because you need something moisturizing without any acids in it! If im not doing peels (theres also lactic acid and mandelic acid) I use their gly-uronic serum which is actually great for any breakouts or even smoothing out wrinkles and of course I wait a few minutes and slab on that moisturizer!! 

Thats pretty much it.. i tried to keep it short 

To Anyone who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life (and aren’t good/creative/ect. enough)

“You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to be inspired to action. You don’t need to read any more lists and posts about how you’re not doing enough.

But, honestly, here’s the thing that nobody really talks about when it comes to success and motivation and willpower and goals and productivity and all those little buzzwords that have come into popularity: you are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best. That’s just how it happens.

And what I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the fuck we are when we’re there.

You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.

You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.


Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life. We all know this: Our experience cannot always be manipulated. Yet, we don’t act as though we know this truth. We try so hard to manipulate and control our lives, to make creativity into a game to win, to shortcut success because others say they have, to process emotions and uncertainty as if these are linear journeys.

You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough. Yet, we don’t act in a way that supports this lifestyle. We fill every minute with productivity tools and read 30-point lists on how to better drive out natural, human impulse. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to.

Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have control — and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen—and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don’t show up in the way we think they will.

You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. You need less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. You need to let timing do what it needs to do. You need to see lessons where you see barriers. You need to understand that what’s right now becomes inspiration later. You need to see that wherever you are now is what becomes your identity later. 

Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire. Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push.

There’s a magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will
. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that. Give yourself permission to trust that.”
 
- Jamie Warron
DOCTOR DREAMY | PT.1

pt1 | pt2 | (ongoing)

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, eventual smut + expecting parents au

word count: 4,724

request: sperm donor ex-boyfriend jimin 

description: Okay, maybe in hindsight asking your ex-boyfriend, who you never really got over, to be your sperm-donor wasn’t the brightest of ideas.

cr.


“I want to have your baby,” is a particular string of words that is only considered acceptable in a certain number of situations.

Maybe between two lovers getting lost in the moment of their heightened feelings, and somehow the words just slip — that’s probably the most common occurrence of the phrase. Or maybe it’s a night out, alcohol in your system, and the words just sort of spill past your lips to the most ridiculously attractive stranger you’ve ever seen before you can even think to stop them. Even that, can still be considered at least borderline passable usage of the phrase. Hell, even the instance of a teenage girl proclaiming her love for her favorite celebrity with the heavy proclamation is still considered normal for the most part.

These, along with a few far-fetched others, were the only situations you could think of that allowed for the usage of those six words to be passable, yet, here you were, uttering that exact phrase, when you were in absolutely none of them. You weren’t getting caught up in the moment with lust-glazed eyes, you weren’t drunk and spewing nonsense at a bar to some guy, and you most certainly weren’t some star struck teenage girl staring up at her celebrity crush’s poster.

No, you were none of those things.

Instead, you were sitting across from your ex-boyfriend telling him that you wanted to have his baby… Yeah, totally passable usage of the phrase, right?

Keep reading

i just love the concept of stiles not being aware of his own attractiveness like

doesn’t notice immediately how his body has filled out in all the right places when he finally hits the big 18

doesn’t notice derek almost dropping several plates while they do the dishes at a pack meeting and stiles stretching lazily, arms high up in the air, shirt riding up, exposing his happy trail and sharp hipbones

doesn’t notice derek almost having an aneurism when stiles licks ice cream straight off those god damn fingers on a hot summer day

doesn’t notice the wood of the headboard of derek’s bed splintering under his palm when stiles bends over and down to pick up a college book that he dropped off the bed while doing homework at derek’s loft

doesn’t notice the ridiculous pink colour of the tips of derek’s ears when stiles shucks his shirt full of grime and blood in front of him after getting rid of the monster of the week

he does notice derek getting pissier and more irritated with him, avoiding him a little, clipped off answers and avoiding eye contact, bitching at him even more than usual and stiles just yells right back, “what the fuck is your problem lately, dude?!”, slightly hurt; he thought they were past this, and derek can smell doubt and slight fear on him, and that’s the fucking final straw and derek just backs him up against the door of stiles’ room, grabbing stiles’ face in both of his huge palms, snarling “you, you and your god damn– everything! your stupid forearms -and don’t even get me started on those stupid fingers- and your dumb pretty brown eyes and that god damn mouth of yours and y–”, he doesn’t get much further than that though, too busy being mauled by said mouth. 

not that he’s complaining. not anymore.

what they don’t always tell you about T within informed consent sheets, a better post

since the one going around is filled with blatant misinformation and exaggerated tales of horror to the point that i question whether its intent was good.

the first thing to expect, is that your experience will be unique. there are hundreds of factors to how hormones change your body, and while you will find people with experiences like yours, you will have a different experience. so while this is a general guideline, your experience may be that you don’t experience these things, or that you experience them with intensity. it’s so, so varied. 99% of the stuff they put on informed consent forms is prefaced with ‘YOU MIGHT -’. 

  1. regarding the smells, yes! you will smell different! that is a fact. the hormones are different in your body now, you will start to smell more like what you’d expect from people who have similar amounts of testosterone in their bodies. it can be a little weird, but it’s nothing that deodorant (and sometimes cologne, if you want!) won’t cover up and it’s nothing that’s abnormal and it’s nothing that every other human being doesn’t experience. everyone smells! you just happen to smell different than you used to.
  2. when facial hair grows, when hair everywhere else grows, you can get itchy. my face gets itchy, my head gets itchy, especially when it’s hot it can get frustrating, but it’s no cause for panic. some people might get itchier than others, but it’s just something you’ll deal with and it’s not all that bad. you’ll get used to it and think about it less and less as your body situates.
  3. binding, as with any thing you put on your chest, can cause acne! i’ve seen no difference in wearing sport bras and binders in regards to acne, i’m a DD chest, it’s just what happens when you sweat and compress your chest. having some acne between your boobs is normal, having some on your back is normal, just try to leave it alone and take showers (you can take showers without washing your hair every day if that’s an option!), it’ll be okay.
  4. as with, well, puberty, you’re going to have ups and downs of hunger. sometimes i can just never stop eating! sometimes i don’t feel hungry at all. it’s good to keep track of how much you eat generally and try not to overeat, but you might get cravings for more carb-heavy foods because puberty 2 takes a lot of energy for your body! eating more than normal is, well, normal. drinking a lot of water and things like orange juice can help even this out and it will benefit you in a lot of ways (like keeping your immune system healthy).
  5. your clit will probably grow. it can be kind of jarring, but it’s something you get used to, and everyone experiences this one with a WIDE range of difference. some people only get an inch or so in growth (mine is huge now and it’s still so weird but also so cool), some people can have their clit grow to much bigger! some people can feel their boners, some people get morning wood, and you might feel it in your pants and wearing tight underwear might not be the best in that case, try wearing boxers and loose clothes around the house as much as you can, as well as not wearing your binder too much.
  6. voice drops happen so suddenly you won’t even see them coming, but once the first one happens, you can get a feel for it. usually your voice cracks for a couple weeks/months, SUDDENLY gets deeper, levels off, then cracks again, repeat. it can be sudden, and it also creeps up on you. try keeping logs of your voice, you’ll be so shocked at the difference that only a few months can make! also, people around you will notice your voice changes before you do unless you’re constantly going back on old videos. 
  7. acne is inevitable. to what degree? totally dependent on the person. genetics and health play a big role. you’ll get acne in places you haven’t before, but eventually it will level out. it’s not going to be forever, you have to keep in mind this is second puberty and puberty means random and weird shit! like unfortunate acne! it will pass. try to ignore it as much as you can. 
  8. my period stopped at 4 months in. occasionally, i still get phantom cramps. not for very long usually, but you have to remember that your body has a rhythm, and you’re interrupting that. it’s going to take a while for it to switch gears! talk to your endo/doctor if your pains are excruciating to the point of hospitalization/etc because that can be a sign that something is wrong. also, you usually do blood tests every few months to make sure the hormones are working fine. my periods when i started T ranged from no pain at all and debilitating pain, and i’m someone who previously had extremely painful periods. this gets less common over time! 
  9. try not to do any drugs/alcohol before getting your blood tests done. my endocrinologist knows that i do have weed occasionally and so far that hasn’t been a problem but i think drinking is something you should avoid with blood tests coming up for your safety so they don’t report problems that aren’t there. you’re not going to get in trouble for any of this, you just need to tell them.
  10. every person has a different T dose. i take 100 every other week because of various things: my size, my weight, how the hormones already are in my body. i know some people who are on 200, some who are on 50 weekly, it depends on what your PROFESSIONAL DOCTOR thinks is safe for you, and they WILL adjust accordingly if the need arises between both of you. taking more T than you’re prescribed with the intention of getting quicker effects will actually slow the process and make your body produce more estrogen and can hurt you. you don’t want that! 
  11. it’s not shameful to set up appointments for your shots or not be able to do them yourself, and if you do them yourself it’s okay to mess it up. believe me, i have. every injection is different, but you get a feel for it and mess up less. they would not let you do it at home if it wasn’t safe enough. just watch videos, know what you’re getting into. getting blood drawn hurts more for me than my T shots. it’s okay that sometimes it takes you forever, or no time at all. T shots are your thing and your experience and your choice on how is the most comfortable for you. most doctors prescribe different injection sites based on what they think is best, all of them work. one person doing it in their leg doesn’t negate that it also works in the ass but if you’re told to do it one way, stick to that or talk it out with your doctor to come up with an alternative! the amount of blood that comes out of the injection site is different with each one, the angle is different, and i would HEAVILY SUGGEST sitting down for a while after a shot. one of my shots, i stood up right after and after about 5 minutes of walking i noticed oil just, coming out of the site and down my leg. it was horrible. gravity is your friend and also your enemy, use it wisely. the level of pain with each shot is different too, and remember that needles are supposed to only be put in something once. if you fuck up an injection and pull out too fast or anything, switch out the needle because if you don’t, the tip is more blunt (you probably won’t be able to tell with your plain eyes) and will hurt much more than the first time. shots are weird, each one is an entirely different beast but you’ll get it down. 
  12. T can make you more emotional. REMEMBER - puberty 2! it’s not going to turn you into a raging frothing beast, but if you’re already prone to anger, already prone to frustration, it’s going to happen! i’m prone to getting claustrophobic and stressed out, and T has made that worse, but over time i’ve come to manage it and over time it evens out and i experience it less and less. with hormones comes mood shifts. it’s perfectly reasonable and it’s easier than puberty 1, since you can see it coming and can calm yourself down easier and you know what’s causing it. i get frustrated more easily sometimes, but i sit down, breathe, and know that it’s the hormones, and it makes it SO MUCH easier to deal with.
  13. your genitals in general might get drier. might be the opposite. mine is the latter. my libido is NUTS, it can be weird, but for some people it’s not like that. again, completely dependent on the person. either direction or no change at all, you can expect anything. 
  14. your immune system is weaker and your body is putting a lot of energy into these changes. be aware of that, please for the love of all that’s good wash your hands, stay clear of sick people as much as you can, and try to eat and drink healthy, generally. you might catch colds and the colds can turn worse than most, but being hygienic is the best way to prevent any of that. 
  15. if you stop T, your periods will come back. some medications can’t work with T like some birth control, and before starting any medication please check in with your doctor before to make sure that it’s safe. use your best judgment and be conscious of your health.
  16. T is not an overnight experience. changes take a long time, some longer than others, and being patient is incredibly important. don’t get frustrated at your body, it’s doing it’s best. you’ll get there, some slower and some faster than others. it’s different for everyone. but you WILL get there if you want to get there. 
Peanut Butter Cookies

*throws allergic!Lance at you and runs away*

Summary: When Pidge’s birthday rolls around, Allura remembers her offhand comment about liking peanut butter. Little did she know that Lance is actually very, very allergic. (angst and fluff, and a bit of established klance because I have no self control and I ship it leave me alone)

I hardly ever post anything because I have no confidence ha so if you like it, let me know! This is very short compared to lots of other stuff I’ve written.

@taylor-tut I don’t think this is that good or even if it counts as langst/whump but I’ll tag you anyway and @voltronpaella thanks for actually getting me to post this my dude


When Allura called the Paladins into the kitchen, Lance expected some sort of emergency.

Why they’d be meeting in the kitchen, he had no idea, but he slid out of bed regardless. After removing his face mask he padded out into the hall, slightly resentful that he didn’t have time to straighten his hair.

Lance nearly bumped into Hunk in the hallway, who was also still in pajamas. The two were the last to arrive in the kitchen. He surveyed the others and found Shiro in full armor, Keith with an activated bayard, and Pidge rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with a laptop tucked under her arm.

“Princess, we’ve talked about this,” Lance grumbled. “You have got to stop interrupting my beauty sleep.”

Keep reading

so mitch marner played towards the end of the season with mono.

fun fact the reason you avoid contact sports and any abdominal contact at all really when you have mono is to avoid any risk of splenic rupture because splenic rupture involves a blood-filtering (and important to your immune system) organ rupturing and blood just kinda chillin in the rest of your abdominal cavity where it really isn’t supposed to be and hypovolemic shock and other fun things.

so my question is this: what chucklefuck decided it was a genius idea to let a kid with mono keep playing hockey, an aggressive full-contact sport where a huge part of the game is ramming into and getting rammed into by other, huger dudes

joe thornton was allowed to play in the first round despite there being a huge risk of completely blowing out his knee. nikita zaitsev was allowed to play in the first round with a concussion. zach werenski was allowed to finish a game despite having a WHOLE ENTIRE BROKEN FACE. not to mention everyone else with broken whatevers

tell me where the fuck it says in the NHL rulebook that players can ONLY stop playing when they just keel over and die right there on the ice

Self Care

It’s Mental Health Month. May 1st. The beginning of it. I just want to post some tips on what I find useful when I feel anxious, depressed or lonely. Some tips on how to care for yourself mixed in here too. I know what it’s like to feel like nothing is going to work out and you feel like there is no point anymore. I still get sad from time to time but here is what I try to do to lower those horrible feelings. 


  1. Music 
    When I feel down I put on my chill playlist and listen to the songs. Not just recognize that the song is playing. I listen to every word, every beat, every instrument that makes a sound. I listen so hard that I forget everything else around me and forget everything that is going on in my head for a while. This actually really helps and especially if it’s a slow song, something that matches my mood. 
  2. Reading 
    Reading is one of my favourite things to do. I’m in love with words. And getting deep into one of my favourite books helps me forget for a while. Grab something to drink and maybe a snack, find a quiet and comfy place to relax and let yourself fall into a book. 
  3. Eat 
    When I feel depressed my appetite can go away pretty quickly. But if you don’t eat, you’ll feel even more tired and low. And that’s not good. So eat. Not junk food. Maybe a treat every now and again but make sure to eat healthy too. Fruit or vegetables. Maybe make some type of sandwhich or maybe eat a bowl of porridge. Whatever you want to make. But remember, not always junk food. And drink lot’s and lot’s of water. 
  4. Shower or bath 
    If you feel all ugh, and ew take a long warm shower or a bath full of bubbles. Taking a shower or bath might help you feel more relaxed and feel more taken care of. And keeping yourself fresh and clean will help help boost your system. 
  5. Fresh air 
    When I’m down, I get lazy. So the whole ‘take a long walk’ thing doesn’t go with me. What I like to do instead is open a window and stand there or take a chair and sit near there. I’m getting fresh air into my lungs which is good and I don’t need to get up and go outside to do it. Now getting exercise is a good thing to do too because it’ll boost your system also. But when you really can’t get up and walk far, just go to a window and read or listen to music.
  6. Cry 
    Yes crying is on this list. When you really need to let those tears out, just do it. If you’re in a place you feel comfortable enough to do it. Let it all out, for however long you need to. Crying doesn’t make you weak or a loser or whatever you think it makes you. It helps you. Instead of holding all those feelings in, you can let them out by crying. So just do it because a cry every now and again, will make you feel a little better. Hopefully. 
  7. Decorate and change it up
    This may be an odd one but it helps me. When I’m sad I’ll look up some quotes that I really like, write them on some paper and decorate the paper and stick it on my wall. Or sometimes I sift things around. If I think something in my room would look better in a different position then I’ll move it. I’ll maybe take some things down and hang something new up instead. Tidy my room too if it needs it. This helps because I’m focusing on other things. Where will this go? Does this look good on this wall? Things like that. Try it and see. 
  8.  Breathe 
    When I feel like I can’t breathe, I remember that I just need to take a minute. Look at my surroundings. What’s the colour of the walls? Breathe. What’s in the room? Breathe. What’s the weather like outside? Breathe. What’s my favourite food? Breathe. Do I have any plans this week? Breathe. Ask yourself some questions. Answer them and breathe. Breathe, breathe and breathe. Don’t let you make yourself small. Think bigger than what that stupid annoying voice in your head is telling you. Breathe. Because you’re worth it.

I hope these tips helped. I really do. And please, please REMEMBER… you are beautiful. You are so amazing and this world needs you in it. Maybe you feel like no one cares. But I guarantee you there is somebody out there who thinks the world of you. You are somebody’s moon. You’re that person who lights up the darkness for them. Don’t let your light go out. Stay strong and remember to love yourself and take care of yourself. You guys are more than welcome to ask me something if you need any advice or have any questions. The door is open and you are welcome. 

anonymous asked:

Hi! Love your yoi cat au, always makes my day! :D just out of curiosity, what is cat yuuri's favorite food? or does he gain weight easily so that he needs a diet?

He likes lots of foods! Catnip and catgrass are some of his favourites, and cooked fish and chicken. Victor’s got him on a reward system for his favourite foods AHAHHA

the softest meow

anonymous asked:

Why is it earlier DnDs gave players armies, estate and political power at later levels? You could be a general at level 10 if you were a Fighter. Does that mean dungeon delving was to be ignored at later levels? Were there systems to manage this?

Yes, actually. Old-school D&D - defined here as anything prior to AD&D 2nd Edition* - was explicitly built around the assumption that the primary mode of play would shift from dungeon-crawling to domain management starting at around 9th level. This wasn’t very well articulated - early tabletop RPGs were notoriously terrible at explaining their assumptions - but it’s dead obvious if you piece together how the system is written. It’s not just fighters and armies, either; basically any wizard spell above 5th level is written with the assumption that your wizard is managing a dungeon, not exploring one - constructing a fully stocked dungeon beneath your tower was one of the things you could do as a high-level wizard.

* 2E still has armies of followers pop out of nowhere at 9th/10th level for some classes, but it’s missing a lot of the game-mechanical infrastructure to make them useful - it’s really where that side of things started to get downplayed.

All It Takes (two)

Bucky x Reader

Summary: It’s not just Bucky who is miserably lusting after you.

Word Count: 1349 | Rating: R 

Warnings: SMUT. Masturbation, one nsfw gif

A/N: okay, that’s a crappy summary. but I hope the content is good enough for y’all 

also sorry for any typos, i’m on the phone.

Masterlist here

All It Takes Part One

(*gifs are not mine!)


From the moment he stepped into your life, you were aware of what all he could do to you. Bucky Barnes was a walking warning himself, a constant reminder for why you cannot be anyone else’s but his. You are head over heels for him and all he has to do is look at you and throw that sexy smirk along with those twinkling blue orbs and you were done for good.

You find yourself daydreaming about him – a lot, often about his lips, how he would roam them all over your body, pressing gentle feather light kisses on your sensitive skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. How his perfect lips would mould with yours, sucking all the air from your lungs, leaving them red and swollen. How he’d graze the tip of his nose along the underside of your jawline, breathing you in. He’d connect lips on the column of your throat, biting and sucking bruises and it would take him little to no time in discovering that sensitive spot on your neck which makes you release that sweet harmonious noise.

Keep reading

It’s About Damn Time

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: Dean and Reader are working a vampire case. When Dean decides to go in alone, things go a little differently than planned.

Word Count: 5204

Warnings: Swearing. Because I’m a fucking lady. Vampire gore and killing. Being tied up. Smut. Again, lady. Fingering. P in V sex. 

A/N: This is for @luci-in-trenchcoats 2k Follower Challange. My prompt was “Wanna try that again like you mean it?”, which is bolded in the fic. Beta’d by the ever lovely @wheresthekillswitch. Thanks for helping me make what I had even better! Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated.

Tags at the bottom. If you want added/removed, let me know!


“Dammit, Dean, answer your phone.” You’re starting to get worried now.

This is the fourth time you’ve called him, and when his voice comes over the line telling you to leave a message, it’s the fourth time you’ve had to swallow down the fear so it doesn’t come through in your voice. “You were supposed to just watch him, Winchester. If you’ve gotten yourself into trouble again, so help me God, you’re going to pay.”

You end the call, tapping your phone against your palm as you try to think. You suck a breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds, then release it. You need to clear your head, figure out your next step. He’s got the Impala, of course, so if you plan on finding the him you’re going to have to borrow a car for a bit. You grab your leather jacket off the chair back, swinging it over your shoulders, shoving your hands through the sleeves as you grab your room key and head for the door. You check your phone one more time before sliding it into your pocket, shutting the door behind you as you scan the parking lot of the motel, eyes squinted to the bright mid-day sun.

There aren’t many cars parked in the poorly paved lot, and the ones that are there aren’t ones you want to trouble yourself with. You jog over to the diner across the street, eyes hopping from one car to the next until you spot a nondescript compact sitting in the back row. Yahtzee.

It’s old enough you shouldn’t have to worry about a security system but still looks like it should get you where you’re going without worrying that it’s going to break down. You walk to the car with purpose, looking for all the world like you own it. You slow as you near, hand automatically reaching out to try the handle. It always amazes you how many people just leave their vehicles unlocked in these small towns. You curl your fingers under the handle and give a tug, and sure enough, the door opens right up. With a smirk, you slide in to hotwire it and get your ass moving.

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Incredulity // Jughead Smut

Summary: Fred Andrews is the single parent of twins. He walks in on his daughter with her girlfriend in the middle of sex. Following that breakup you got together with your brothers best friend whom doesn’t have experience in sex so you teach your boyfriend. Guess your not the only twin in a forbidden relationship…only one is legal.

Characters: Jughead x Andrews!Reader, Betty x Reader, Kevin Keller, Archie Andrews (mentioned) and Fred Andrews

Words: 3237

Disclaimer: I do not own Riverdale or the characters. I do not own the Comics either. Jughead is NOT asexual in his.

Warnings: Swearing, underage drinking, smut, former same sex relationship,

Author: Caitsy

Tagging: At the bottom

A/N Originally this was going to be a Veronica fic but apparently my subconscious was needy for Jughead.

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Jokes were always made about the Andrews twins, Archie was the boy that got hit by the puberty bus during the summer before sophomore year. You however had came out of the awkward phase a lot early than your twin brother, it was the end of middle school when you hit puberty in the most graceful way.

While Archie incredibly straight, you were bisexual with no real preference to be honest. Nobody believed that you were bisexual, especially your dad because he had never seen you look at a female before. Fred Andrews got a rude awakening when he walked in on Betty Cooper going down on his freshmen aged daughter. Next the whole town found out about the relationship, minus the sexual side, with the knowledge that Betty had been crushing on you. It was purely fun for you and experimental for her so it didn’t cause any problems when she discovered she was only into guys and actually liked your twin. You guys continued to be best friends.

It was amusing when your father walked in on Betty and you because he fumbled through the safe sex talk. He didn’t know much about safe sex between females but he tried his best even if both of you were embarrassed beyond belief. He was happy however that you wouldn’t become the parental nightmare of pregnant teenager.

It was the last day of summer that he caught you with your boyfriend in bed together and getting the shock of his life for the second time. Jughead and you had gotten together at the very end of freshman year. Nobody, even Archie whom knew everything about you, knew about it because there was no real reason that they needed to know. You were a slut by any means, you only had had sex with Betty so you didn’t care if someone found out that Jughead and you were together. The only thing was that you hadn’t gone that far yet.

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@hello-shellhead @saved-by-the-notepad I might’ve written you guys something


“This is not a good idea,” Natasha said immediately, Clint and Steve nodding along with her. “Clint and I are much better trained, and Tony is too recognizable.”

“I understand that,” Fury said with a sigh. “But this mission needs Stark’s expertise. We’re just going to have to hope he can keep his mouth shut for once.” He shot a one-eyed glare in the billionaire’s direction, who in turn shrugged.

“I’m up for it. Don’t worry about it, it’ll be easy.” He shot a smile around at his anxious teammates, which only seemed to worry them more.

The mission itself was easy enough. Infiltrate a party, get some blue prints, erase some data, destroy some technology. Easy, he did that after Obie often enough, although to be fair he was doing it to his own company, so it didn’t have to go quite so unnoticed.

The others didn’t seem to have much faith in him, but that was fine. People underestimating him was just the way he liked the world. Fury dismissed them and Tony went back to the tower to prepare. Nice suit, but cheap by his standards. Slicked back hair in contrast to his usual unruly curls. Repulsor watch – no way he was going in unarmed, he wasn’t stupid. He stared at himself in the mirror. Still too recognizable. Sighing, he resigned himself to the fact that he would have to do it: he was going to have to shave his glorious goatee.

The mission went smoothly, despite many people who had personally met Tony Stark being in attendance at the party. No one gave him a second glance; some people thought he was a waiter, and Tony cursed himself for wearing a suit that was too cheap. He was in and out in two hours, everything completely under control. He was just strolling out of the building when he heard someone shouting about destroyed prototypes and smiled to himself, whistling.

Apparently his ‘disguise’ worked too well, because when he got back to SHIELD headquarters he had about four guns pointed at his head and several very angry agents glaring at him and asking just who the fuck he was and what he thought he was doing.

“Uh, Tony here guys. Finished the mission, saved the day?” he answered as he held his hands up in surrender, trying to placate them. They didn’t believe him.

He was unceremoniously (“HEY, genius over here, check your strength!”) thrown into an interrogation room, where he sighed and pulled the drive he had obtained for Fury out of his pocket, setting it on the table. Hill entered about fifteen minutes later, which was good because he was getting bored and contemplating messing with the monitoring system in the room, and he shot her a big smile.

“Agent Hill! So good to see you. You proud of me yet? I know you didn’t believe I could pull it off.” He smirked, but his face fell at her cold and blank stare.

“I don’t know you,” she responded in monotone. “I don’t know what you’re pulling, pretending to be Stark-”

“I’m not pulling anything!” he protested quickly, holding his hands up again and standing, like he was waiting to be attacked. “I am Stark! Listen, call Pepper, show her a picture, she’ll tell you. Jesus, all I did was shave!” Hill glared at him and he fell silent again, anxiously reminding himself that if he stepped back it would be a sign of weakness and women loved signs of weakness. She turned on her heel and walked out without another word, and he fell back into his seat. He felt exhausted. The mission hadn’t been hard, but had taken longer than he thought it would, and he wanted to go home and work.

It took another hour before someone entered the room again, and by that point he was standing on the chair in the corner of the room, dissecting the camera that was watching him with the small screwdriver he had in his pocket and ingenuity. He glanced over his shoulder as Pepper strode in, lighting up and jumping down from the chair quickly, noting Hill and Fury standing behind her.

“Pep, my love, the spice of my life!” he said dramatically, throwing his arms wide. “Tell the Pirate that he should be able to recognize his agents better.”

“That’s Tony,” Pepper said with a long-suffering sigh, ignoring him. “He looks like a child without his facial hair, but it’s him. I didn’t believe it either the first time I saw him, until Obie-” She cut herself off quickly and shot him an apologetic look, but he just shrugged, clapping a hand on Fury and Hill’s shoulders.

“Now that that’s sorted, can we debrief and go home?”

Apologies were made, but Tony waved them away. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and probably wouldn’t be the last. Even the paparazzi didn’t recognize him without his distinctive and awesome goatee getup, which was nice sometimes.

It was a couple months and a few missions later when it happened again. Fury and Hill were out on their own recon mission, Pepper was in Tokyo and couldn’t be reached, and Rhodey was out on deployment for the next few weeks and no help anyway (he would probably just find it hilarious and leave Tony in the lurch). It didn’t matter how many times Tony showed up from completed missions missing his glorious goatee, the agents of SHIELD apparently had terrible facial recognition because he was always detained and interrogated.

It had been hours and lots of yelling before Tony finally got fed up. “You people are insufferable!” he shouted, grabbing a Sharpie from the agent’s pocket and turning to the one-way mirror on the wall, scribbling on his face in a rough approximation of something that looked like his normal goatee. “There! Recognize me now?”

Clint found it absolutely hilarious. There were photos.

Somehow a picture of Tony with Sharpie stains and a wide grin got leaked to the media, and the rage was now “Tony Stark look-alike?!” which Tony found absolutely hysterical.

He managed to convince half of SHIELD that it really was just a look-alike, while the other half remained sceptical. Suddenly, whenever he stepped into headquarters he had ghosts trailing him with razors (and not very good ghosts, either, Fury should get Natasha and Clint up here for some lessons). Bruce found it very amusing to help him prank said ghost, which one time included locking them in the bathroom and filling said bathroom with bubbles. And whenever Tony did show up from a mission where he’d shaved, he was met with a multitude of stares. Fury even got in on the action and started calling him ‘Agent Carbonell,’ which was funny in its own way.

And if he managed to trick Steve as well a couple times, well, that was a whole different story.  

AMERICAN GODS SENTENCE STARTERS

episode one - the bone orchard. ( contains violence and nsfw themes )

  • ❝ no expertise can surmount a sea that does not wish you to reach shore. ❞
  • ❝ wind can be reasoned with. ❞
  • ❝ celebration was cut short. ❞
  • ❝ only good thing about being in prison is the relief. ❞
  • ❝ tomorrow can’t do anything today hasn’t already managed. ❞
  • ❝ this country went to hell when they stopped hanging folks. ❞
  • ❝ no gallows dirt, no gallows deals. ❞
  • ❝ you know, i’m not superstitious. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t believe in anything i can’t see. ❞
  • ❝ i feel like there’s a fuckin’ axe hanging over my head. i can’t see it, but i believe it. ❞
  • ❝ i can see it fine. ❞
  • ❝ prison has a way of trying to keep you in prison. ❞
  • ❝ i smell snow. ❞
  • ❝ i love you. something feels weird. ❞
  • ❝ i love you too. what feels weird? ❞
  • ❝ the air feels constipated, like if it’d just push out a storm, it’d be okay. ❞
  • ❝ a hundred twenty hours till you’re home. ❞
  • ❝ waiting for the sky to fall is gonna cause more bother than the sky actually falling. which it isn’t. ❞
  • ❝ do not piss off those bitches in airports. ❞
  • ❝ i guess this must be your lucky day, huh ?
  • ❝ you nervous ?
  • ❝ just sit back and be a bird. ❞
  • ❝ i offer you the worm from my beak and you look at me like i fucked your mom
  • ❝ you’re just the first person i’ve met who isn’t an asshole. ❞
  • ❝ give me time. ❞
  • ❝ what would you have done, my boy
  • ❝ seems like a firm decision made for good reasons, i can respect that. ❞
  • ❝ you lost something vital in there, and not just time. ❞
  • ❝ what might i call you, if i were so inclined
  • ❝ always good to meet a fellow traveler. ❞
  • ❝ i usually end up getting what i want. on average, over time. ❞
  • ❝ it’s all about getting people to believe in you. it’s not their cash, it’s their faith. ❞
  • ❝ now, what’s keeping us aloft ? faith ? or newton ?
  • ❝ don’t rush into this, take your time. ❞
  • ❝ there’s always work for a big guy who’s smart enough to know he’s better off letting people think he’s dumb. ❞
  • ❝ by the end of your tenure, you could be the next king of america. ❞
  • ❝ a man gets out of prison, he should be focused above all on not going back. ❞
  • ❝ believe. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t think i have the talent for it. ❞
  • ❝ you … like me
  • ❝ i’m not what i once was. ❞
  • ❝ you’re perfect. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t know what i’m doing. ❞
  • ❝ what man does ?
  • ❝ do something for me. worship me. ❞
  • ❝ worship me. pray to me like i’m your god. your goddess. ❞
  • ❝ you feel so good. i could keep fucking you forever. ❞
  • ❝ say my name. ❞
  • ❝ beloved, i worship your breasts and your eyes and your cunts. and i worship your thighs and your eyes and your cherry red lips. ❞
  • ❝ i am yours, my beloved. ❞
  • ❝ go on, let go ! give me everything !
  • ❝ i love you. ❞
  • ❝ not that rushing into things can’t be a good thing … ❞
  • ❝ sex rushed into tends to work out best for all involved. ❞
  • ❝ okay, i’ve said ‘fuck off’ politely as many ways as i’m gonna. now i’m fixing to be direct. ❞
  • ❝ what the fuck do you know about [ ] ?
  • ❝ more than you, it seems. ❞
  • ❝ i’m not gonna work for anyone who’s got worse luck than me. ❞
  • ❝ call it. ❞
  • ❝ rigged games are the easiest to beat. ❞
  • ❝ you’re a little creepy, and you’re forward, and familiar, and i don’t like it. i don’t like you. ❞
  • ❝ who’re you ?
  • ❝ i’m a leprechaun. ❞
  • ❝ we don’t come from moscow, russia. or moscow, idaho, for that matter. ❞
  • ❝ no details. ❞
  • ❝ devil’s in the details. ❞
  • ❝ do you know who he is ? who he really is
  • ❝ he’s hustling you. he’s a hustler. ❞
  • ❝ damn right. i’m a hustler, swindler, cheater, and liar. it’s why i need assistance. ❞
  • ❝ name your price. ❞
  • ❝ how’d you do it ?
  • ❝ with panache. ❞
  • ❝ simplest trick in the world. ❞
  • ❝ i’ll fight you for it. ❞
  • ❝ win or lose, and you will lose, it’s yours if you fight me. ❞
  • ❝ can you feel the joy rising in your veins like the sap in the springtime ?
  • ❝ i wanted to be a part of your history. ❞
  • ❝ it’s just anger ––– makes you feel like you can change the outcome. ❞
  • [] had the nerve to ask me what i wanted him to do with it. i told him leave it where it found it. ❞
  • ❝ target would be more interesting than here. ❞
  • ❝ if there isn’t some kinda life after death, i’m gonna be so fuckin’ pissed. ❞
  • ❝ there is no closure from the dead. ❞
  • ❝ i’m sorry for your loss, [] , i really am. anyone tell you that yet ? anyone even hug you ?
  • ❝ hear me out, this is a good one. lex talionis. an eye for an eye. a blowjob for a blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ jesus, who knew i could be so angry ?! 
  • ❝ i am trying to get my dignity back here
  • ❝ don’t fuck with me, [
  • ❝ what’s he doing here ? what’s the plan ? what’s the game plan, man ? ❞
  • ❝ how auspicious, you must be special. ❞
  • [ ] is history. forgotten and … old. ❞
  • ❝ we have reprogrammed reality. language is a virus. religion, an operating system, and prayers are just so much fucking spam. ❞
  • ❝ the dominant fucking paradigm, [] , that is the only important thing. ❞
  • ❝ by the way, i was sorry to hear about your wife/husband. tough break. ❞
  • ❝ so, i will ask again: what is it [ ] is up to ? ❞
  • ❝ you saying you don’t know ? … would you tell me even if you did ?

Totally inspired by @duskisnigh victuuri growing old comic I’M STILL CRYING MY EYES OUT HOW DARE YOU but I just need to get this out of my system so here’s a growing old victuuri fanart ^^ I love your comic!!! It’s so sweet and sad and just ugh my heart can’t take it >.<

UPDATE: Sorry I got the credit for the comic artist’s name wrong! Thanks @stylinsupernova for pointing it out!