just feelings upon feelings

Me: I don’t wanna work at this job anymore. Or any job. I don’t think I’d ever be happy working at a job.

Parents: Then what’re you gonna do!? Sit at home, idle!?

Me: <incoherent noises> …….. Yeah?

I don’t even have the guts to say it out loud that I wanna be a full time artist. How is it ever supposed to come true?

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You don’t have to tell me if you ever think of me. You don’t have to tell me, I can still believe

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endless list of otps || rumplestiltskin + belle || once upon a time

Belle, when we met, I wasn’t just unloved, and unloving, I was an enemy of love. Love had only brought me pain. My walls were up, but you broke them down. You brought me home. You brought light to my life and chased away all the darkness. And I vow to you, I will never forget the distance between what I was and what I am. I owe more to you than I can ever say. How you can see the man behind the monster, I will never know.

aphrodite is so good and kind and loving. im constantly amazed and yet i shouldnt be?? She is the embodiment of love and war. Her hate and cruelty is terrifying, and she is strong and bears weapons that we cant begin to fathom. And yet her love is so pure and soft and sweet.

She has shown me her miracles time and time again, and here she is yet again showering me in her gifts and love. In return, i love in her name. I give my love freely. I am beautiful in her image, if only so people look upon me and remember the beauty of aphrodite.

I am her devotee and i am so proud of it

instagram

Suffer. With. Me!!!!!

youtube

So… I made a thing! Because Robin and Regina are AWESOME and because @revolutionsoftheheart wrote a thing years ago that gave me insanely many feels!

Let me know what you think! And do not ask who’s the beauty and who the beast… When it comes to Robin and Regina… they were always both. And they loved each other as a whole, the good and the bad. And that’s why we all fell in love with them too. ♥

Outlaw Queen guys… Always.

The Malec wedding kiss is my all time favorite scene that I have ever witnessed on television. Ever.

Regina’s Happy Ending....ish?

I have watched the episode a good 5-6 times now, in slow motion and in reverse and back again. At first, I won’t lie, they ended it with The EQ and Robin Locksley having a supposed happy ending (though I suppose we will never know) and initially I was like “Hey…..that wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was going to be”

And then I had a coffee this morning…..

I don’t know if I agree with it anymore. I see the stills of the EQ/RL in the tavern and I think to myself, Regina is going home knowing that a part of her is having the opportunity to live with love, (romantic love, I am stressing this isn’t turning a blind eye to familial love or friendship love), and she doesn’t have that. It was taken from her (again) and there is no changing that fact. 

The character we have watched this entire series has been all about Regina redeeming her actions as the EQ. So when she decided to split her into two people, I get that she felt guilty and needed to fix it, to protect people. I love that she wanted to do that. It shows growth. A consistent growth throughout her story. I get that. 

But she has redeemed herself…hasn’t she? 

Surely if the other villains in the show get to have this redemption and find love and happiness, surely Regina Mills, the character who has been repenting her past sins and doing whatever she could to open herself to love, to learn to say she was sorry, ask for forgiveness, do what she could to earn it, deserves to have that same acceptance in redemption. 

Her family I think has given that to her, (I’m not going to get into this cause it’s a can of worms still to me). And she has Henry. Henry is her happiness, I understand that. I love that. I adore their relationship now. 

But.

Regina wants to feel at home in the world, and Robin was part of that world. To me, finding that place where you feel settled, and calm inside, where you feel at peace with who you are, definitely depends on having people who love you unconditionally, understand your past, accept your apologies and want to hold your hand and walk down the next path with you. 

Robin was that person for her, again as a romantic love, but romantic love isn’t just flowers and kisses. Romantic love is having that person you come home to at night, and share a glass of wine with and just sit quietly curled up under a blanket with. Romantic love is going on an adventure with that one person you want to spend your life with, who you want to take silly pictures with, act like utter dorks, be free and open and know that regardless of everything, they still love you and want to come home to you every day.

And it still doesn’t sit right with me. to say that she has failed a test of grief, that is repulsive to me. Grief isn’t something that just goes away like that. Think about people you have lost. If you had the chance to see them again, to feel them hug you and listen to their voice, wouldn’t you take that opportunity? How is it fair to ask anyone to just “move on and let go.” That’s not right. That’s not how real life works, nor how actual emotions happen.

Love and Loss are not just taps you can turn off and on. Just because you lose someone doesn’t mean you slam that door closed, brush your shoulders off, wipe away the tears and go “oh well, onto something else” and never have even a flicker of anything again for them. It doesn’t work that way. Regina Mills is far too emotional to have this be real. 

I understand you can’t dwell on loss. It’s a vicious cycle to get trapped into. But you also can’t just let it go. It will always be sad and leave little bruises on your heart. That is life. 

I know that Lana has said Regina’s happy ending is being at peace with herself, and fuck me sideways her acting in the latest episode was so brilliant I can’t even think about without getting teary-eyed. 

Being loved, and loving in return, that is part of being at inner peace. And with how they’ve ended OQ, I really don’t know how she ever gets to that point where she can sit on a couch alone with her glass of wine and say “I am truly happy.” 

I know this is a fictional show, and these characters aren’t real. But being part of the audience that watches this show, (and with many others) it just feel disingenuous, and inauthentic to have this storyline played out this way.

I just wish she could have her Robin back. 


(THAT ALL BEING SAID….I WILL CONTINUE TO WRITE OQ FF AND DARKOQ FF CAUSE HEY, I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS AND I WILL FOREVER!) 

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robbie kay voice

“OH FUCK”
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