just dont think about it too hard dont do it dont dont do not. do not do it

i feel bad i feel bad i feel bad. i disappoint everyone including myself and i dont deserve to have eaten that bc im not going to work anymore. i cant do it im so exhausted just existing is so hard just the thought of moving and going somewhere leaves me so tired. im a burden an d i make eveyone’s life more difficult . im never going to get anywhere im stuck here and i cant do anything. i feel like im drowning and im trying to hard not to go under but im so tired . i just want everything to stop so i can rest. i dont even know what to do any more. im not goingg to kill myself dont worry, i think about it but im too scared and i dont want to die . i iwsh i didnt live here i hate the city its so dirty and scary and loud. im so tired i cant go running anymore, i can only for a bit and then i walk but i have to keep doing it so i dont get unfit. maybe someone would tell me im crazy and need help but i dont want any help i want things to happen how i want . i really miss when i was happy and playing on beaches. i just want to go  back.