just didn't want to have them all in one post because it would be huge

3

Hypothetical Handplates scenario in which Sans realizes he can teach himself Common.

(Ugh, tumblr is making them blurry for some reason so I guess full-view if you want the not-blurry version??)

Convoluted explanation incoming. Handplates is an Undertale fancomic by @zarla-s and if you like Papyrus and Sans, go read it, is good stuff. So I guess this is an AU fancomic of an AU fancomic? I dunno, the idea wouldn’t leave my brain until I did something with it. So. Zarla did a Christmas doodle where Gaster gave the boys a box of ginger cookies that had the word COOKIES on the side in big letters, and because my job gives me way too much time to think about random stuff, I realized something.

In Handplates, Gaster taught the bros to read and write Wingdings but deliberately did not teach them monster Common (ie: English) so they can’t read his nametag or anything. Thing is, Wingdings is a 1:1 substitution cipher for English. Every Wingdings symbol exactly equals an English letter; it’s not a different language, just a different set of pictures. As somebody who has taught herself a fair number of substitution ciphers, there are a few things you look for when you’re trying to translate a code and you don’t have a key in front of you. Most notably, single-letter words (in English they will usually be A or I) or double letters next to each other. Like the OO in “COOKIES”.

Sans is smart. Gaster has fed them junk food before and odds are good Sans knows how to spell “COOKIES”. The word is on the box in huge letters and Gaster just said it out loud, so it is fresh in Sans’ mind. That double-O is a huge tip-off. He would put it together that the word on the front of the box matches what’s inside. Once you figure out a few of the letters, it becomes steadily easier to decode the rest.

I feel like Gaster exposes the boys to enough Common (the nametag, food wrappers, computer monitors, the books Sans sits on) that Sans could pick it up with a proper starting point. Papyrus probably not, because he had a hard enough time with Wingdings, but Sans is eager for any opportunity to undermine Gaster and I’m sure he’d jump at the chance. In this comic he elects not to tell Papyrus, though. He doesn’t know Gaster has cameras in the cell (or even what a camera is) but he’s figured out that Gaster can spy on them somehow, and the last time Gaster caught them learning something he didn’t like, Papyrus got the ever-loving hell beat out of him. So Sans keeps quiet about it for now. And thus starts the long-standing tradition of keeping important secrets from his brother.

On the technical side, it took me a freakin’ week to sketch and outline this whole thing. Coloring and shading only took me like a day. In the meantime Zarla actually kinda addressed the cookie comic, but this was almost done by then so oh well. I’m finding my poses and proportions turn out a LOT better when I’m doodling skeletons, like what, drawing basic anatomy will make you better at anatomy, you don’t say?? A lot of this was a self-challenge to see if I could imitate Zarla’s art style, and I referenced previous Handplates comics a lot for the backgrounds and Sans’ face. Full disclosure: Gaster’s pose up there is basically copied from Zarla’s original comic because I was rushing through to get on to the actual meat of the story. He’s just here for setup. I had fun trying to figure out how to do his Lost Soul head though. Also, I hate Papyrus’ face from the front. Also also, it was tricky trying to convey “mentally translating an unknown alphabet into a known one” when pretty much everyone who sees this comic is already familiar with the “unknown” one and not the “known” one, but I think I pulled it off. 

TL;DR- I imitated somebody else’s style to do an AU of an AU; I am not Zarla; Zarla is the creator of Handplates and also Gaster’s pose in the first panel; I like ciphers too much and also I gave the cookies icing because that is the only kind of ginger cookie I know.

ageisia  asked:

Ah, I forgot to give you a prompt, didn't I? Can I have something where Sam, Steve and Bucky all get deaged together shortly post CACW and Team Iron Man has to deal with their prepubescent shenanigans and their feelings? Like 10-12 years old and they're all little shits. Especially Steve to Tony after Tony guesses that Steve is 8, which is a mortal insult when you are 11.

I am so sorry for the lateness of this! I meant to answer it last weekend but I was still in Sinus Haze at that point. :D I had a lot of fun with this one! 

***

“They were supposed to be here for the signing of the revised accords,” Tony said.

“And Barnes was supposed to turn himself in to SHIELD,” Rhodey added.

T'Challa and Tony both looked at him, Tony’s eyebrows rising.

“What? He killed your parents, I don’t get to be mad about that?” Rhodey asked.

“Sure, but if you’re as mad as I was you also get to be in some pretty intense therapy for like a year,” Tony said, turning back to the glass window, which looked in on three children in the holding room at the Avengers compound.

“We came through an electrical storm in the jet on the way here,” T'Challa said. “When we came out of it…” he gestured at the children. Steve, an incredibly tiny, frail child, was wrapped in a blanket. They’d found clothing that would more or less fit Sam and Bucky, who looked to be on the verge of puberty, but Steve was stuck in an oversized shirt and a blanket he’d tied around his toast-rack chest like a sarong.

“You know how I know this is magic and not science?” Tony asked.

“Wanda wasn’t affected?” Rhodey ventured.

“Neither was I,” T'Challa pointed out. “We think because I was in the shielded cockpit.”

“No, I know this is magic because whoever did this to him gave him a teeny tiny arm,” Tony said, pointing at Bucky’s child-sized prosthetic, as menacing in its own way as the real adult thing.

“I think I can fix it,” Wanda said. Her eyes were glowing red, and the air was sort of dancing around her. Tony wondered how much she’d been practicing since she’d arrived in Wakanda. “But I’m worried about going in there alone.”

“For them or for you?” Tony asked, and she looked – startled, like she’d forgotten he could care about people. That was going to sting for a while.

“Both. There are three of them, one of whom has a metal arm,” she said. “And I need someone to take me down if I lose it, which…is usually Steve’s job.”

“I can go,” Tony said. “The repulsors bracelets are subtle, won’t freak the kids out. And I can distract them if you want to work on them one at a time.”

“Do you have any experience with children at all?” Rhodey asked.

“I’ll have you know I dealt very handily with the last twelve-year-old I knew,” Tony replied loftily.

***

Wanda was sitting on the floor, trying to lure Sam away from the smartphone he was playing with, when she heard Steve yell: “I’m not eight!”

“Hey, calm down, I was guessing,” Tony said, and Wanda looked over just in time to see Steve stand up, his terrifyingly thin little hands balled into fists. Tony, who was crouched down to talk to him and Bucky (probably mostly Steve; she couldn’t imagine Tony didn’t still have some…anger issues surrounding Bucky), held up his hands.

“I’m eleven! Just because I’m little doesn’t mean I’m a baby!” Steve insisted. Bucky was watching them both warily.

“Nobody’s saying you’re a baby,” Tony replied soothingly. “But – ”

“Don’t talk to me like I am one!” Steve said, and Wanda flinched as he swung his arm. He was going to break his hand on Tony’s face –

She watched, awestruck, as Tony reacted. He’d had all his weight on the balls of his feet, legs bent, body balanced over his knees; when Steve’s fist connected (barely) he threw himself backwards, sprawling and then somersaulting – gracelessly – and collapsing spreadeagled on the ground. Steve looked at his own fist, wonderingly.

“He’s down! Get ‘im!” Bucky yelled, the first words he’d said, and he sprang for Tony, landing hard on his chest. Tony let out a whuff, then curled on one side as Steve started ineffectually kicking him. Sam ran over to help Bucky pin Tony down, and Wanda got up to make sure they weren’t hurting him, but Tony was grinning as he hid his face and curled up his body against Steve’s snowflake-like blows.

Eventually Steve flopped down with the others, breathlessly giving up his assault, and Tony lay still underneath the three boys, grinning up at Wanda as she stood over them.

“Okay, you vicious little weasels,” he said, and Wanda waited for all three boys to take offense, but none of them bothered. “You are meant to be big grown adult males who could actually break my bones. Wanda needs to fix you up, put you back the way you were.”

He sat up, dislodging Sam, and then kicked his legs gently to shove Bucky off as well. Bucky clung on grimly with his metal hand around Tony’s ankle, but most of him slithered away.

“Do I really grow up big?” Steve asked, and Tony pulled him into the gentlest of headlocks, one huge palm resting on Steve’s strawlike hair.

“Bigger than everyone else,” he assured him.

“Bigger than BUCKY?”

Tony leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Even Sam grows up bigger than Bucky.”

“That’s a lie!” Bucky insisted, getting to his feet. “Make me grow up first!” he insisted to Wanda. “So I can prove it!”

“No, me first!” Steve yelled, which meant Sam insisted too, and suddenly instead of three sullen little shits refusing to obey her, she had three eager little boys all jostling to be first.

“You did this,” she said to Tony, who shrugged and rubbed at his ankle, which was starting to show a bruise where Bucky had clung to it.

“I don’t know a ton about kids but I know a lot about managing humans,” he replied.

emeraldoliverqueen  asked:

Fuck BRE. I'm still fried from Olicity overload. Instead of tidbits all season we've been overdosed with it all IN ONE EP!! #deathtoolicityfandom >>---> I do have a question tho, and it's about that last scene. Felicity said she understood why Oliver lied about William, and I know it has to do with Helix, but how does she understand? Felicity didn't lie to Oliver. She trusted him. he doesn't trust her not with Helix and not with William. So still not comprehending that last scene totally

the olicity was so real, girl, so real and intense and amazing wow

(Before I even attempt to answer this, I have to link to this post and this post by @cogentranting that absolutely nailed my exact thoughts on what happened.)

This is such a layered question only because it’s a layered issue, one that’s been churning and boiling for years now. It’s something that was set in motion way before Olicity even got together, one that is reflected in both Oliver and Felicity as stand-alone characters.

When Felicity said she understood, it wasn’t about the actual decision that Oliver made. What she understood better after last night was Oliver himself.

(src)

She does know now, or at the very least she’s starting to, and it is just that understanding that let her see things oh so differently, that let her look back and see things from how Oliver’s POV. It has finally given her a level of understanding that she never, ever had before. 

(src)

(god his face, look at him, he’s so vulnerable, but he’s also so cleansed)

It isn’t as simple as trust by itself, that was what last night was about. The problem (and the one that got them to the point where Oliver didn’t tell Felicity about William) is that Oliver doesn’t trust himself, and that was the driving force behind so, so, so many of his past actions.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

So being an eldest sibling i am usually left without anyone to connect with. All his siblings ignored him and shunned him out but Lance still loved them nonetheless. One day the paladins are having some conversation about times they shared with they're family the team knows that lance loves his family they thought he'd be talking the entire time but he didn't. They asked him if he was okay and all that and boom he drops the bomb of truth. (Thanks for taking my request into consideration)

My heart 

Lance loved his siblings, he would do anything for them. Did you need to be picked up from your friends house two cities away? Lance would drive the entire way to pick you up. Your bf just dumped you? Lance would buy you junk food and talk shit about him. Anything that his siblings needed, Lance was there. 

This didn’t stop the empty feeling that exploded in his chest whenever he was with his siblings. he felt left out, unwanted and disconnected. No matter what he said it always felt like he wasn’t desired in the conversation. Sure he could talk to his siblings if it was just him and them. Once you added another sibling to the equation Lance was left out and with noone to connect with. 

Lance eventually brought this up with his mother but she simply said, “love is a hard thing to master.” Lance wasn’t sure what she meant by that but he eventually just accepted his fate and focused on his Garrison application.

That was back when times were simpler and Lance didn’t have to focus on flying a Blue lion or keeping his bond strong or Zarkon. Now he did and his days were consumed with training, fighting and learning about new cultures. Lance didn’t have time to think about his family much and when he did it was only the positive side of it, he never was able to drag himself down for long. 

Until one day he had time to think about his time with his family and everything came crashing back down. He was lounging on the couch in the common room, listening to Pidge tell stories about her and Matt. Lance had gathered that her and Matt had spent most of their childhoods together, connected and bonding over new ideas and technology. 

Eventually Hunk took over the conversation and he talked about his older sister. She was a chief and that’s where he learned most of his cooking skills. According to Hunk they did nearly everything together and Hunk’s younger brother was into engineering, just like Hunk so they usually built new gadgets together or studied machines late into the night. 

Lance felt a small tug of pain in his chest the longer Hunk talked about his siblings. Even his older sister had a connection with Hunk, something Lance didn’t get to have with his younger siblings. 

Shiro was next and he talked about his younger “brother” who was always passionate about flying and cried when he found out Shiro was going to space and not him. Everyone knew that Shiro was talking about Keith and they giggled as Keith got red at the memories Shiro was telling the team. 

It was nice to talk about everyone’s family and they started to feel closer as a team, until Hunk brought attention to Lance’s quietness. “Hey Lance, what about your family? I know you have a big one.” He released a small chuckled and everyone looked at Lance who slowly sat up from his position on the couch.

“Well…I do have a lot of siblings…I’m the oldest and that’s really it.” Lance his teammates confusion and silently cursed at himself for what he just said.

“That can’t be all, a huge family has to have a lot of stories. What do your siblings and you like to do together?” Pidge adjusted her feet and placed her chin in her hands. 

Lance shrugged, he never really hung out with his siblings so he didn’t know. “I don’t know.” Everyone was confused and soon were firing question after question at Lance, attempting to get to the bottom of what Lance was saying. Lance couldn’t understand what they were all saying and he eventually said the words that forced his way out of his mouth, like when you eat something hot. “I’ve never really bonded with my siblings. We have an odd number and since I’m the oldest by a few years they never really wanted to hang with me. I don’t know what they like to do with me because we’ve never really hung out together.” 

Silence. For once everything on the castle was silent. Lance hated it, he never liked the silence and now it was consuming him like a fire. Yet the silence didn’t last forever and Keith spoke up, cutting through the silence like a sword. “That sucks, you’re such an amazing person. You’re so funny and hyper that it’s contagious, your siblings don’t know what they are missing.” 

Everyone gave Lance a nod and soon he was being hugged by his team and he couldn’t remember who exactly said it but he was happy he heard it. “It’s okay, you make an amazing brother.” 

Ehhhhh, how did I do? I’m not an older sibling XD 

I hope you like it!

Sorry it took so long

Thank you!!!!

anonymous asked:

I was wondering how you thought different nations would raise children or view family life. The Water Tribe and Air Nation are the most distinctive (as I remember) but I can't really differentiate between the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation?

I’ve somewhat answered the question in this post, but I didn’t delve into how children are trained and educated in the Four Nations, which I think is worth examining.

Water

Education for boys and girls is sex-segregated, and begins at home. We know that Gran-Gran taught Katara about delivering babies, so presumably the girls would be taught about assisting with childbirth, healing, and medical care, as well as the traditional tasks of sewing and cleaning.

Katara: Sokka, Calm down. I helped Gran-Gran deliver lots of babies back home. 
Sokka: This isn’t the same as delivering an arctic seal! This is a real… human…. thing!
Katara: It’s called a baby, and I helped to deliver plenty of those too. 

At 16, they are legal adults, so they would also have learned about marriage and all that it entailed. As far as bending goes, they start training very early, around the age of 4-6, judging by the beginner’s healing class in the North.

The male heads of household teach their sons about hunting, fishing, and fighting. At the age of 14, they undergo a rite of passage where they have to steer a ship through ice-infested waters without adult supervision. Both they and their crewmates earn marks based on their position in the crew. We don’t see a beginner’s class for male waterbenders, but we do know that the Water Tribe is not afraid of tough teaching methods.

One skill that is common to both boys and girls is sailing. Katara and Sokka both know how to steer a boat on their own at the very beginning of the show. Hardly a surprise, given their environment.

Earth

Education in the Earth Kingdom varies depending on your social status. We don’t see any schools for poor children in the Earth Kingdom. For the children of rich parents, they are educated through private tutors, such as Toph’s tutor, Master Yu:

Yu:  I’m keeping her at the beginner’s level. Basic forms and breathing exercises only.

For less wealthy children, there are classes with other students:

Yu: So, are you ready to commit to more lessons?  If you pay for the whole year in advance, I’ll bump you up to the next belt.

However, as we just saw, advancement can depend on how much money you have here, too.

It is noteworthy that the children in the rough-and-tumble earthbending classes are both male and female, although we do see more boys than girls. By contrast, we see an all-girls poetry class in Ba Sing Se:

This might be due to their relative wealth–it could be a select school for girls like the Fire Nation has. At any rate, the difference in education for girls and boys, while present, is not quite as rigid as the Water Tribe.

Fire

This is the nation with the most widespread education model. While there are select schools for the wealthy and nobility:

Azula: Tell me, what is the daughter of a nobleman doing here? Certainly our parents didn’t send us to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls to end up in… places like this.

There are academies for regular Fire Nation children, with a strict curriculum and rigid standards of behavior.

Ms. Kwan: Your etiquette is terrible. In the homeland, we bow to our elders. Like so. 

Music Teacher: No, child. That hullabaloo going on with your feet. Is that a nervous disorder? 

School Headmaster:  That’s what any mother would say, ma'am. Nonetheless, you’re forewarned. If he acts up one more time, I’ll have him sent to reform school… by which I mean the coal mines. Are we clear? 

All schools are state-run and contain a huge dose of Fire Nation propaganda:

Ms. Kwan: Question one: What year did Fire Lord Sozin battle the Air Nation Army?  Kuzon? 
Aang:  Is that a trick question? The Air Nomads didn't have a formal military. Sozin defeated them by ambush. 
Ms. Kwan:  Well, I don’t know how you could possibly know more than our national history book. Unless you were there a hundred years ago. 

On a positive note, while there are all-girl (and presumably all-boy) finishing schools in the higher echelons of society, we see a very egalitarian mix of gender in the regular Fire Nation academies.

There are no sex-segregated areas of education, including in the military. Azula was trained from an early age, just like Zuko, to excel in firebending.

Speaking of which, because the Fire Nation justifies its war of conquest on the merits of its bending, firebending is the most important part of education for those who possess the ability. While there are high-level nonbenders, such as Azula’s instructors Lo and Li, having weak—or even weaker bending—can prevent you from gaining power. Zuko, despite being two years older, is by no means certain to take the throne, partly based on his relative incompetence and his sister’s prodigious achievement.

Air

Due to every citizen being an airbender, each Air Nomad child received bending training from an early age. At the very least, children would have to be taught enough bending not to fall from the Air Temple balconies! Unlike the other three nations, an airbender’s master was his or her surrogate parent as well.

Gyatso: Aang, I’m not going to let them take you away from me.

Fun was emphasized as a learning technique:

And respect for one’s elders was … optional.

Finally, the Air Nomads were all trained in animal care, as they adopted sky bison as children which would stay with them throughout their lives:

Air Nomad Woman: Choose well. A sky bison is a companion for life.

A:TLA glosses over one aspect of education fairly heavily, which is: considering the level of technological and social development of the Four Nations, it’s highly unlikely that everyone would be able to read and write. We never encounter a situation where someone can’t make out an inscription, or has trouble reading a sign or “Wanted” poster. Even the dirt-poor Lee in that Earth Kingdom village could read the inscription on Zuko’s dagger! Considering the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation’s desire to keep knowledge contained, as well as the Water Tribe’s lack of cheap paper-making materials, it would have made sense for the GAang to encounter more people who rely on memorization than people who rely on reading.

Thoughts on Breakdown and Bulkhead

I dunno, sometimes I just think about these guys and I felt like chattering. In the later half of the Aligned continuity, and practically only in the later half of the Aligned continuity (until IDW needed him, anyway) Breakdown is this great big huge guy that swings a massive hammer and smashes stuff up. In TFP he wrecks some ruins, he crashes through some vehicles, he fires a missile at a museum… big, powerful guy. But sometimes I sit and think about the fact that according to Aligned canon, he actually wasn’t always a big brute. In fact, he started out just as small and physically less capable as he was in G1. His size and strength came at a sacrifice of speed and agility, by personal choice… why?

According to official sources that for the life of me I cannot remember, and if anyone could refresh my memory I would love them forever, it’s because Bulkhead beat his aft so hard that he went and upgraded himself just to be able to compete.

Now I know this says a lot about Breakdown, but I also like to think about what this says about Bulkhead, too. Look at Breakdown’s personality. He’s honestly the sweetest Decepticon in the whole series, okay? He encourages the vehicons, he helps his boyfriend with personal maintenance, if another ‘con asks him for a favor he lends a servo… slag it, Dreadwing… he’s actually a pretty great guy. For frag’s sake, he’s the medic’s assistant. He’s the Decepticon’s fragging nurse. So usually he’s actually fairly calm and non-destructive unless, of course, one of two things is happening; either he’s teamed up with Knock Out and getting caught up with things that way because they just play off of each other like that, or he’s caught sight of Bulkhead. Bulkhead is just amazing at bringing out the jerk in Breakdown. His very presence makes the blue bruiser talk more trash and take more pot shots than he does on his own, or even at Knock Out’s encouragement.

And frankly, I’m starting to get really curious about just how Bulkhead managed to earn the undying ire of the (respectively, amongst his own) gentle giant of the Decepticons.

Bulkhead, as we know, is a Wrecker. Big tough guy, he was part of an elite special forces group that got the job done or died trying… and if they died, you probably went down with them. The Wreckers took on scrap that nobody else wanted or was capable of handling. They were tough guys, and they meant bad news for the Decepticons. And Bulkhead is a formidable force even after he strikes away from the team to follow Optimus Prime. At one point in the early part of the series he rips a Vehicon’s internal wiring and possibly his very spark out. He crushes through those little guys like they’re nothing… and to him, I think they are nothing. Remember, this is the same Autobot that wanted to leave not one, but two humans to the Decepticons… Agent Fowler, and Vince, the bully from the human ally’s school. Oh well, he said. Sucks to be them, he shrugged. Bulkhead is often portrayed as this gentle giant by his own right, but honestly, I don’t think he’s that gentle. He’s careful, specifically, with Miko, because he loves her. But if Fowler, Vince, and every tool Ratchet owns is any indication, said courtesies don’t extend very far elsewhere.

Which honestly tells me that it should have been pretty easy for him to just eliminate tiny Breakdown in whatever fight they had if he had had the chance. So either he didn’t have the chance to finish him, or something else was going on in Bulkhead’s head that he just didn’t care to do the job. Honestly, I lean towards the second… I think that whatever job Bulkhead was doing, whatever mission he was on, he had other priorities and just didn't bother finishing off the enemy lying in his path. I think he just looked down at this little battered-down Decepticon, shrugged, and moved on. He had other orders, he didn’t need to spend his time killing this kid. That’s what I imagine happened. And I think it’s the indignity of this… that he wasn't worth taking the time to kill, he was too insignificant for Bulkhead to think hey, maybe this guy will be a threat later and I should do something about that now… that lead Breakdown to hold a grudge. He decided that the next time he saw this Wrecker, things were going to be different. He wasn’t going to be spared just because his opponent decided he had better things to do. He was going to make an impression next time.

And a few massive upgrades later, we ended up with the big brute we all know and love.

Anyone else have any ideas they’d like to share?

lesbian-sailor-moon  asked:

Hey! I was wondering if you still Id as panromantic? Bc calling yourself a lesbian casually in posts and calling ur relationship a lesbian one is a bit iffy to me (I'm a lesbian) and I know ur gf is actually a lesbian so if she's cool w it ur probably fine but it makes me a bit uncomfortable to see a non lesbian saying stuff like this. I hope this didn't come off as rude I actually do like ur blog a lot sorry.

this is a longer response than you were probably anticipating but i’m gonna take some time to explain why i use flexible labels for myself and why i personally believe it is only up to the individual what labels they choose for themself, and is not up for anyone else to determine but each individual. 

(i don’t mean this aggressively at you btw!! you seem nice and asked an honest question! i’m just providing a very in depth answer on this issue)

my romantic attraction has always been a very ??? situation especially because i do not experience sexual attraction so my feelings are always hard to pin down

i call myself panromantic because i know hypothetically i would date any one regardless of gender but it’s also a more nuanced situation than that for me. I know i could find myself attracted to anyone regardless of gender, but i also know it would be very hard and unlikely for me to date a cis man because toxic masculinity and misogyny in men is so prevalent and has affected me (via cis men and their culture) so much in my life. i’ve had attraction in the past to people that weren’t just women even though i prefer women, and i don’t have sexual attraction so genitals don’t matter to me when it comes to partners. both meg and i know we prefer women but being lesbian doesn’t mean “i like vaginas” to either of us. 

maybe this is an ace/pan experience specifically or just a personal experience, but i’ve had to adjust my labels frequently for simplicity and minimizing stress in my life because NO ONE that isn’t LGBTQ+ in the outside world knows what pansexual/panromantic or asexual is. it’s led me to generally use “queer” for myself for its inclusiveness and umbrella coverage.

and i hate saying this because it’s a bad explanation for most bi/pan experiences (there’s the dangerous but common misconception that bi/pan people “go straight” or “go gay” depending on their current relationship - when really they’re bi/pan and their attraction will always be all genders!), but personally the relationship i’m in is almost certainly the relationship i’ll be in for life, so my potential attraction to other people doesn’t matter to me as much as my love/attraction to meg and our relationship that is read by others as a lesbian relationship. it does bother me that almost all same sex relationships are read in a way that neglects that people can have attraction that isn’t just gay/straight, and i know that’s a HUGE bother to many of my bi/pan friends, but in my personal experience i’ve had such a topsy turvy labeling situation for myself and had so many people misinterpreting what i am that i’m fine with almost any labels for myself.

so anyway tl;dr - these are a snippet of my personal experiences that explain why i’m flexible with my labels, and why I believe only the individual can decide what labels they should use for themself. meg and i share this belief and yes she’s absolutely fine with me calling myself whatever i prefer. no one can fully know my history and why i prefer lesbian sometimes but pan other times, and i can’t fully know any one else’s experiences and why they prefer the labels they use.


sorry this is such a long response! i don’t mean to attack you for gatekeeping or anything because you sound pretty chill. i’ve just seen so many people in the LGBTQ+ community be attacked by extreme exclusionists that i wanted to reflect more on these kinds of issues while on a similar subject. it’s disheartening to me to see so many extremists online drawing borders between labels, yelling at NB people for calling themselves lesbians (when we’re the ones already forcing them into binary-centric, self-gender oriented attraction labels that don’t work for them) or at ace people for not being “queer enough” or at sapphic people like me for not being “lesbian enough.” 

LGBTQ+ people choose whatever labels they use for themselves based purely on comfort and confidence in those, not out of vicious intentions. It’s more important to me that LGBTQ+ individuals have an identity or identities to be comfortable and confident in than it is to close the borders between labels. We’re all a group of Not Straight or Not Cis individuals and no matter a person’s specific label, that alone lets me know “you are probably not a threat to me - you’re like me in some way.” Each subsection in the LGBTQ+ community - gay, lesbian, trans - may all be pretty different cultures from each other, but to me unity against our actual oppressors is more important than gatekeeping or strictness on labels. 

anonymous asked:

If Katara had married Zuko she would've had a loving caring husband who would've treated her like a queen and would've treated their kids equally plus Katara would've been an ambassador in the Fire Nation and then Fire Lady, she would've had a huge political role and she would've used blood bending in so many good ways, she would've gotten a statue that she deserved so much, all this would've happened if she had married Zuko, but she didn't and I feel so so bad for her, it makes me so sad.

I don’t disagree with a single thing here, but I do want to address a misunderstanding that is likely to occur when non-shippers see this argument: the idea that Katara marrying Zuko would be a panacea for all the things that went wrong with her character in the post-A:TLA material.

Out of context, “Katara marrying Zuko would have made everything better” is only another way of Katara’s destiny hinging on who she is paired with romantically. So let’s talk for a moment about what we actually mean when we use that as a catch-all phrase for A:TLA’s improvement:

A return to the themes and symbolism that A:TLA espoused. As I explain here, a lot of the themes of A:TLA were subverted in order to make the canon pairings happen. If the creators didn’t force a romantic pairing between Aαng and Katara, her character would have been better served because motifs such as “choosing one’s own destiny” would have played out naturally through her development arc.

More creative control by A:TLA’s best writers. Bryke had no writing credits to their name prior to A:TLA, and a lot of the best writing work on the series was done by Aaron and Elizabeth Ehasz. These two had a special focus on Zuko, but they refused to succumb to the temptation of making Zuko the guy who just “gets” everything in the end because he’s the hero. Unlike Bryke’s favorite character, which leads nicely into …

The series would not have played favorites with Aαng. This is a major part of what annoys people with the A:TLA finale, and leads to further problems in Legend of Korra. Aαng is not allowed to go through the same soul-wrenching struggles as the rest of the characters. It’s not that he doesn’t suffer, or he doesn’t lose people, or that he isn’t conflicted. It’s that his core beliefs are never challenged in a way that makes them develop. In the show, it is reality that always bends to Aαng’s beliefs, instead of Aαng having to adapt his beliefs to reality. If you go back through A:TLA and compile a montage of all the times other people learn that Aαng was right and they were wrong, you would a) understand what I mean, and b) understand how damaging that is for a protagonist, the person you want in your show to change the most

Katara’s agency as a character. It’s safe to say that Aαng, in the context of romance, is detrimental to Katara’s agency as a character. We see this when side characters repeatedly encourage Aαng to pursue Katara “because you’re the Avatar”, even though they have never met Katara and have no idea what her opinion is on this romance thing, if she even has one. We see this again when Aαng kisses Katara without her consent and never apologizes for it or brings it up again. And we see it in the comics, where Katara’s ideals are Aαng’s ideals, they never have any conflicts, her feeling abandoned by him is portrayed as wrong, but her approval of Aαng’s potential murder of Zuko is right, her leaving it up to Aαng to decide whether the Four Nations should be forcibly separated is portrayed as right, and her old Water Tribe friends accuse her of having forgotten her homeland because she spends all her time with her boyfriend.        

Avoidance of black and white morality. One of A:TLA’s strengths as a show is that it portrays a complex world. There are lessons to be learned and characters with strong moral convictions, but there is rarely a sense of one set of principles being lauded over all the others. In fact, a sense of moral superiority without listening to other points of view, such as the Fire Nation has, proves to be highly destructive to the world at large. 

But when it comes to Kαtααng, this complexity falls by the wayside. Zuko the morally ambiguous deuteragonist is suddenly the “bad boy” who “doesn’t really care about [Katara]”, despite the fact that he risked his life for her in the finale. Arguably the most complex episode of the series, “The Southern Raiders”, is seen by Bryke (who did not write it) in purely good-vs-evil terms, with Aαng being the “angel” and Zuko being the “devil” on Katara’s shoulders, respectively. Oversimplification of morality is something that plagues Legend of Korra to a major extent, with the embodiment of that being “goodness” and “badness” personified in Vaatu and Raava during Book 2. (Notice, too, that Katara in LOK had bloodbending outlawed, instead of her embarking on a similar journey to Zuko in “The Firebending Masters”, where even seemingly destructive bending could be used to create life.) Black and white morality in LOK has its beginnings in the tail end of A:TLA, with the boy who could not be allowed to kill under any circumstances, and who is, quite literally, a Nice Guy.

Sokka: The number one mistake nice guys like you make: being too nice.

So, to translate: “all this would’ve happened if she had married Zuko” = “there is a natural narrative thread that would have culminated in Katara having a relationship with Zuko if it weren’t for the executive producers derailing it, and her character, for the sake of their own pet character who was in many ways a self-insert for them both.”

Tada!

Sneaking Out

Decided to write for @daisugaweek2017! (We’ll see if I am able to do the whole week *fingers crossed*)

Here’s Day 1: Staying in/ Sneaking out


Daichi had finally, finally fallen asleep when the first knock rattled through his bedroom, rousing him from that much coveted slumber he had spent the last hour and a half struggling to capture.

“Are you kidding me?” Daichi whispered, eyes still closed tightly against the darkness of the night. “Are you kidding me right now?”

Another knock pounded from somewhere to his left. Daichi peeled his eyelids open and glared at the curtain hiding the sliding door that lead to the balcony overlooking the backyard of his family home.

There was only one person ballsy enough to scale the three stories to his bedroom in the dead of night. Actually, it didn’t matter what time of day it was. No one was stupid enough to risk climbing the side of his house, which was virtually devoid of handholds other than the rickety gutter barely hanging on to the cream colored stucco of the wall.

No one but his vice-captain, that is.

A third knock, louder this time, echoed through the room and Daichi let out a low groan.

“Bastard,” he muttered as he rolled onto his side and pushed drowsily into a sitting position. He didn’t bother pulling on his sweats or shirt as he slumped tiredly across the room to the balcony. He grabbed the curtains and thrust them open.

He found Sugawara immediately, fully dressed and standing just outside his door with a bright grin illuminating his face. His eyes darted down Daichi’s bare chest and over his black briefs and he fanned his face sarcastically, grin sliding into a shit eating smirk.

Daichi’s scowl deepened and he considered dragging the curtains closed once more and returning to bed, but seemingly reading his mind, Sugawara hurriedly pressed his hands to the glass of the sliding door and leaned into it, pouting his lips and fluttering his eyelashes in a silent plea.

Daichi let out a heavy sigh and unlocked the door. Sugawara slid it open immediately.

“About time!” he said cheerfully.

“What are you doing here, Suga?” Daichi asked warily, moving back as his vice-captain stepped into the room, a little too close to Daichi’s near naked form for comfort. “You do realize that we finally have a day off of practice tomorrow, right? Shouldn’t you be catching up on your sleep?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Sugawara shifted closer to him, ignoring the careful distance Daichi insisted on keeping between them. “We have a day off tomorrow! Let’s do something!”

“All I want to do is sleep.”

“Lame! Daichi, you’re boring!”

“I’m fine with that.”

Sugawara huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, “I run all the way here, risk my life to climb to your room—”

“I didn’t ask you to—”

“And you’re going to reject me?” Sugawara pressed the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. “Unthinkable! Ungrateful! Woe is me! Whatever shall I do with myself?”

“Don’t care.”

“Guess I’ll throw myself from the balcony,” Sugawara turned and walked back out of the room.

“Be my guest,” Daichi turned and walked back to his bed. “Just be quiet about it. My parents will flip if you wake them up. Again.” He slid under his sheet and rolled to his side, facing the wall.

“Daichi, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold in my death scream as I plunge to the ground one hundred meters below.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not that high.”

“Daichi, I’m really going to do it.”

“Okay.”

Several silent seconds ticked by before the sound of the balcony door sliding shut hummed through the room. Daichi listened intently for any indication of what side Sugawara ended up on. After a long minute, soft footsteps padded in his direction and he let out a sigh.

“Daichi, you’re no fun,” Sugawara murmured.

“I know.”

“Asahi would sneak out with me.”

Daichi snorted, “No he wouldn’t.”

Sugawara sighed loudly and grabbed Daichi’s sheet, “I know. You’re both a couple of nerds.”

Daichi held his breath as the warmth of his vice-captain slid into the bed behind him.

“I just wanted to go look at the stars,” Sugawara huffed, tugging on Daichi’s pillow. “They’re really bright tonight.”

“Look by yourself then,” Daichi opened his eyes and stared at the wall, breathing deeply and slowly, attempting to still the racing of his traitorous heart.

“It’s more fun with a partner,” he snuggled in close to his back, not touching, but almost.

“Guess you came to the wrong house then.”

Sugawara didn’t reply for a long moment and Daichi used the silence to concentrate on something, anything other than the hot breath tickling the back of his neck.

His efforts were smashed to the ground when he felt a poke in his side, followed by Sugawara’s finger trailing down to the waistband of his boxer briefs. Daichi held his breath as the finger slipped inside, pulled back, and snapped the elastic against his skin.

“I didn’t peg you as the type to sleep in your panties, Daichi,” Sugawara giggled.

Daichi gulped, “Well it’s hot as hell so…”

“Not hot enough to sleep naked though?”

Daichi squeezed his hands into fists, fingernails digging in to his palms, “Maybe I was naked but put them on when you knocked.”

Sugawara’s finger snapped his elastic again, “If that’s the case then I’m slightly disappointed that your curtains were closed…”

“H-huh?”

“Nothing,” his finger drifted up his side.

Daichi shivered.

“Are you cold, Daichi?”

“N-No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“You’ve got goosebumps.”

“You’re tickling me.”

“I didn’t peg you as the ticklish type.”

“Guess I’m just full of surprises tonight then.”

Sugawara chuckled, “I like surprises.”

Daichi swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and stared at the wall.

I have a huge crush on you.

Surprise.

“Hey Daichi?”

“Y-Yeah?” Daichi choked on the word and coughed into his fist.

Silence stretched between them and Sugawara let out a deep sigh.

“Nah. Never mind.”

Sugawara’s hand slipped off of his side and then all five of his fingertips pressed gently against his back. Daichi chewed on his bottom lip and closed his eyes. It took all of his self-control to hold himself back from rolling over and gathering his troublesome vice-captain into his arms and planting the kiss he had been dying to give him for the past year and a half directly onto his lips.

No matter how much he wanted to, Daichi couldn’t possibly do something as stupid as that. They were friends. And on top of that, they were both boys. That was weird. Sugawara would think he was weird. He’d probably stop sneaking over to his house if Daichi did something as gross as that. He’d probably even stop talking to him. Maybe he’d avoid him. They wouldn’t have study dates anymore. He would probably even stop changing in front of him in the club room.

Because Daichi was gross, wasn’t he?

It was gross that he was pining for his best friend, his vice-captain… another boy.

Not that anyone could blame him, right?

Sugawara was beautiful. It was no wonder Daichi fell for him. He was gorgeous and fun and cheerful and supportive. And he always seemed happy to be with Daichi. As if seeing him every day at school and volleyball practice was never enough… he snuck over to Daichi’s house every weekend to drag him off on some stupid adventure.

It was really no wonder that Daichi was hopelessly in love with the guy.

“Hey Daichi.”

Sugawara’s soft voice dragged him from his thoughts. He gulped and dug his fingernails harder into his palms.

“Yeah?”

“I know a really good spot to look at the stars.”

Daichi pursed his lips.

“It’s my favorite, secret spot. But I’m willing to share it with you.”

He smiled softly, “You’re so generous.”

“I know.”

Daichi inhaled deeply and then let it out. He sat up and looked down at Sugawara, who peered up at him with a cocked eyebrow. Daichi stared for a long second, soaking in just how perfect the boy looked nestled in his bed, the navy blue pillow case ruffling his pale hair around his face.

I’m in love with you.

Surprise.

“Alright,” Daichi rubbed his eyes. “Let me put on some clothes. Then take me to your secret spot.”

“Oh ho, you want to be in my secret spot, eh Daichi?”

Daichi’s face flamed and he didn’t need to look to know that Sugawara was wearing that sneaky smirk.

“Shut the hell up,” he grumbled and crawled out of the bed.

Sugawara snickered.

Daichi dressed quickly, pulling on the track suit he had discarded hours earlier after volleyball practice.

“You’re going to wear a stinky, sweaty track suit on our date, Daichi? How unromantic.”

He’s doing this on purpose.

Daichi swallowed, zipping up his jacket.

“Don’t complain,” he said firmly. “I’ll wear whatever I want.”

“Rude. I took a shower and put on this really nice outfit. And you’re just going to wear your wrinkly volleyball duds? Why do I even try?”

“You’re wearing jeans and a sweatshirt,” Daichi pointed out, glancing over his shoulder to where Sugawara was still stretched out on his bed. “Don’t act like you’re in a tuxedo.”

“Yeah but at least they’re clean,” Sugawara pouted his lips. He hesitated and then looked away, “Well, mostly clean.”

Daichi snorted and pulled on a pair of socks.

“Fine,” Sugawara said. “I’ll let it slide that you’re wearing a smelly track suit only because this isn’t really a date.”

Daichi stared down at his sneakers silently. Ouch. Rejection.

“But,” Sugawara added, somewhat hesitantly. “When we do go on a real date, I’ll expect something a little nicer.”

Daichi’s heart thudded into action and his face blazed. He couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he picked up his shoes and turned.

“Sure,” he said brightly. “On a real one, I’ll be sure to wear something really nice.”

Sugawara smiled and sat up. “Okay! Let’s go!” he hopped to his feet and walked towards the balcony.

“Ah… can’t we just sneak out the front?” Daichi asked anxiously. “If we’re quiet—”

“No way! The best part about sneaking out is climbing out the window!”

Sugawara grabbed his hand and dragged him to the sliding door.

“But we’re three stories up—”

“Don’t worry, I’ve done it a thousand times.”

Daichi groaned uncomfortably as they slipped out into the night, Sugawara closing the door behind them. Daichi glanced over the railing of the balcony, down to the grassy lawn far below.

“It’s easy,” Sugawara promised, releasing his hand and moving to the side of the balcony. “You just grab on to the gutter and slide down to the second floor, then balance on the window sill and grab onto the terrace. Then it’s pretty close to the ground so you can just drop!”

“Suga, you’re crazy.”

Sugawara turned to him, grinning, “Yep!”

Daichi swallowed hard and slipped his feet into his sneakers.

“Alright,” he inhaled deeply. “Let’s go then.”

“I’ll go first and show you how it’s done,” Sugawara eagerly scampered over the railing of the balcony and latched onto the wobbly gutter. Daichi stood anxiously nearby, hands out in case he needed to grab onto him and drag him back to safety.

Sugawara expertly slid down the gutter to the terrace. He lowered to his butt and then slipped over it, twisting and grabbing onto the ledge to slowly lower over the grass. He dropped the final distance, landing in a crouch. He straightened and grinned up at Daichi, giving him a wave.

He made it look so effortless.

There was no way Daichi could pull that off.

If he didn’t slip and fall to his death, he was at least going to look like a clumsy asshole right in front of Sugawara. He was probably going to tease him forever. He definitely wasn’t going to miraculously fall in love with how cool and suave he was, like Daichi kind of secretly hoped he would. But if Daichi changed his mind and went back into his bedroom, Sugawara would probably think he was even lamer.

So the only option was to just do it.

Maybe Sugawara would admire his bravery.

And fall deeply in love with him.

Though, probably not.

Daichi let out a sigh and climbed slowly over the railing of the balcony. He wrapped his hands tightly around the gutter, quivering in fear. He weighed more than Sugawara. What if it was too much? What if he pulled the gutter off of the house? That would look so lame.

Daichi was going to look so lame.

He gritted his teeth and clumsily slid down the gutter to the window on the second floor Sugawara had used for balance. Daichi got his feet onto the window sill with no trouble and let out a sigh of relief that the gutter had held out.

Feeling confident, he reached for the terrace.

But he released the gutter a little too soon.

And then he kind of flailed for a moment, life flashing before his eyes as his fingers just missed the terrace and wind milled through the air.

And man Daichi was so lame. Because he slipped off of the window sill and plunged the rest of the way to the lawn, letting out a soft “Oh” before his back and head connected with the grass.

He was dead.

He was sure that he was dead.

After all, the only thing in his eyes was a sky full of glittering stars, shining brighter than anything Daichi had ever seen. They were so beautiful that they stole the breath from his lungs.

Wow.

And then Sugawara’s face leaned over him, worry lined in the firm curl of his eyebrows, eyes wide, mouth flapping as he spoke.

Daichi, Daichi, oh my god. Daichi, are you okay?”

Daichi was dead for sure.

Because Sugawara’s face, surrounded by nothing but stars… ah… that was an ethereal sight that could only exist in heaven.

Daichi reached up and cupped the back of Sugawara’s head with one hand, the other snaking around his waist. He dragged him down to his chest, leaning up to meet his lips with his own.

And oh man, Daichi didn’t realize that being dead would be so nice. Sugawara’s lips were soft and slightly parted, his breath hot as it filled Daichi’s mouth. His body was solid but compliant, easily folding into his arms as he slid down to meet him, hands cupping either side of his face.

Daichi had to be in heaven.

Because Sugawara wasn’t resisting. 

In fact, he was kissing him back. One of his legs slipped between Daichi’s thighs and he stretched out on top of him, leaning eagerly into his lips. Daichi tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of his head and pulled him closer, arm tightening around his waist.

Daichi was definitely in heaven.

Except… everything hurt.

His back and head ached and his lungs hadn’t managed to suck in a proper breath yet, resulting in him gasping pathetically for air as he pulled back from Sugawara’s mouth.

Sugawara ignored his desperation for oxygen and chased his lips, covering them once more. His tongue slipped into his mouth and Daichi squeezed his eyes shut.

He was in heaven… right?

Because only in the afterlife would Sugawara ever kiss him like this. Daichi had to be dead. But he hurt all over. And he couldn’t breathe.

And all the blood was rushing to his lower body with every rub of Sugawara’s leg against him.

And he felt very much alive.

Daichi pulled away again.

“S-Suga!”

Sugawara hesitated and leaned back. His eyes were glazed over, cheeks flushed, lips slightly parted as he panted softly.

Daichi gulped, “D-Did I die?”

Sugawara’s eyebrows furrowed and his gaze darted across his face.

“No?” He pushed up on his hands, “I don’t think so? I mean… you look alive. And feel alive. And… oh my god Daichi do you have a hard-on?”

Daichi blanched and he quickly covered his eyes with his hands.

“No, no, no, no, no, please no…”

Sugawara was silent for a long minute before letting out a snorting laugh.

Daichi slowly parted his fingers and peered up at him in humiliation.

“Oh man,” Sugawara wiped his eyes as they filled with tears. “I’m never going to let you live this down.”

“Sh-shut up…”

“Sawamura Daichi fell off his house, kissed his best friend, and popped a boner.”

“Oh my god, stop.”

“Sawamura Daichi, captain of the Karasuno volleyball team, our fearless leader, scary when he’s angry Sawamura Daichi—”

Daichi wrapped his arms around Sugawara’s middle and yanked him to the side. Sugawara let out a yelp as Daichi rolled him onto his back and leaned into him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“I couldn’t help it,” he muttered, heart thundering in his chest. His skin crawled with terror but he couldn’t stop himself at this point. “That’s what happens when you finally kiss the guy you’ve been hopelessly in love with for the past year and a half.”

Silence grew between them and Daichi cursed himself.

He ruined it.

He ruined everything.

“You’ve gotta be kidding,” Sugawara finally whispered.

Daichi squeezed his eyes shut tightly, waiting for the axe to fall and completely sever any hope he ever had that maybe Sugawara could return his feelings.

“A year and a half?” Sugawara let out a huff. “You’re kidding.”

Daichi’s heart dropped.

“Daichi you idiot. Now I look pathetic.”

Sugawara’s arms lifted and wrapped around his shoulders.

“So I’m the only one that’s been pining for the full three years then?”

Daichi’s eyes slowly opened.

What?

“How lame!” Sugawara whined, knees rising on either side of Daichi’s hips. “Lame! Love at first sight is only cute when it happens to both people!”

Daichi leaned back, eyes wide.

“What?”

“How did you not fall in love with me the instant you saw me, Daichi?” Sugawara continued to rant, brows furrowed, nose scrunched. “Was it the hair? Do you not like short hair?”

“Wh-what?”

“Even if you don’t like short hair, I was still really cute! My face hasn’t changed much since then and I haven’t grown all that much…”

“Suga,” Daichi held his breath. “Do… do you…”

Sugawara blinked up at him, “What?”

“Do you like me?”

Sugawara scowled, “Duh!” He hesitated, eyes widening, “You didn’t know that? Are you stupid? Are you literally the dumbest person alive?”

So I’m alive after all?

Daichi’s mind whirled and he wanted nothing more than to go back to bed.

“Daichi, you’re so dumb. Was I not obvious enough, or something? I’ve been carnivorously chasing you ever since first year and you never noticed?” Sugawara’s hands slid down to his shoulders as he gaped up at him. “You mean… all the time I spent ogling you in the club room… and how I wink at you in class… and how I sneak over to your room every weekend… and how I literally suggested we go on a real date like ten minutes ago…” Sugawara blinked in shock, “You never noticed?”

Daichi’s cheeks burned, “I thought you were teasing me…”

“I was!”

Daichi furrowed his brows.

“But I was serious too!” Sugawara let out a laugh and held Daichi’s face in his hands. “You’re so dumb! And here I thought you were just playing hard-to-get… all this time you thought it was one-sided?”

Daichi didn’t reply.

Because yeah. That’s exactly what he thought.

Sugawara’s expression softened and his fingers threaded gently through the hair behind Daichi’s ears.

“I like you, Sawamura Daichi.”

He pulled him down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

And Daichi had to be in heaven.

For long minutes, they lay in the grass, kissing softly, dragging their fingers reverently through each other’s hair and over every millimeter of skin visible in the gaps of their clothing. It wasn’t until an hour later that they lay on their sides in the grass, facing one another, that Daichi remembered the whole purpose for their sneaking out in the first place.

“You didn’t take me to your secret spot,” he mumbled drowsily, blinking slowly.

Sugawara laced their fingers together and smiled.

“Oh ho ho? Daichi wants in my secret spot?”

“Shut up.”

Sugawara giggled and slid closer until their noses were touching.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “The stars are pretty here too.”

“Hmm…” Daichi closed his eyes. “Beautiful.”

He was just drifting off to sleep when Sugawara admitted under his breath,

“There was never a secret spot.”

The corner of Daichi’s mouth ticked up.

“I just wanted you to sneak out with me.”

And there really was no doubt about it left in Daichi’s mind.

He was definitely in heaven.


Wow. Cheesy. Like super cheesy. Like Mac and Cheese level cheesy. The Mac and Cheese where you make it like on the box and then melt like another two cups of cheese over it because you really like cheese.

Oh well.

There’s my Day One of DaiSuga week 2017. Take it, you animals.

X-men with pets headcannons

I had a lot of ideas with these so I’m doing them

Peter Maximoff-

-he would have a ton of animals
-it would start out with him adopting a dog
-then he fell in love with his dog and continued adopting more and more
-wherever he goes theirs at least two animals with him
-he will run all around the world just to get one animal he wants
-he gives them all equal attention
-their one of the only things he’ll slow down for
-he’s bad at training them because he doesn’t like to get made at them
-“Peter what is that?” “Oh that’s just Pac-man my sugar glider
-he names them after arcade game and movie characters

Jubilation Lee
-she loves animals
-everyone thinks she would get something small like a Maltese or a cat
-but nope she gets a Great Dane
-when it jumps on her it literally knocks her over
-she always carries treats in her purse or somewhere on her to give to her/him
-she’s really good at training them

Alex Summers
-he’s not an animal person at all
-he’s worried he’ll hurt them
-but one day he goes to an animal shelter and adopts a dog
-he wasn’t sure why
-he gets a golden retriever that’s 3-4 so he doesn’t have to train it
-it follows him around everywhere
-If Alex is in the bathroom so is his dog , if Alex is in the kitchen so is his dog
-he takes his dog on drives all the time

Hank Mccoy
-he doesn’t want animals he worried about not having time or forgetting about them
-so he gets a fish
-probably a beta
-it’s name is Atom
-he’ll watch atom swim sometimes
-he probably keeps him in his classroom
-he would put Atom in the lab but he doesn’t want something to happen to him
-the students will feed him if they think Hank forgot

Scott Summers
-he’s also worried about getting a pet
-he thinks it will jump on him and push his glasses off
-so he wanted to get something calm
-which resulted in him getting a Bearded Dragon
-their super calm and sometimes Scott will just walk around with it on his hand
-it is super calm and will just stay with him
-if he puts in on his desk during a class it probably won’t move from the spot

Erik Lehnsherr

-he’s not a animal person at all they remind him to much of his daughter (I don’t remember her name)
-one day a stray cat follows him home
-it starts living under his porch
-he puts food and water out for it and pets it
-eventually it let him pick it up
-after a while it starts sneaking into his house (more like Erik lets it come into the house)
-Erik installs a cat door into his house
-the cat comes in and out as it wants but most of the time it stays inside

Charles Xavier
-their are tons of stray cats running around outside of the mansion a lot of them don’t come to the door but he puts food out did the ones that do
-also he lets a lot of the students have pets
-he’s very used to animals
-so one day he decides to adopt a dog
-it’s a small dog and it will sit with him on his wheel chair
-if it’s not on his wheel chair it will still be right next to him
-he never uses a leash
-some of the students call the dog professor D (d for dog)

Ororo Munroe

-she gets a green Quaker Parrot
-it sits on her shoulder all day
-she’s also taught it some words and some songs
-she hates clipping its wings but does it so it doesn’t fly off while it’s on her shoulder or run into felling fans and windows
-it has a huge cage in her room but it’s never in it
-it’s always out and the cage door is also open
-the only time it’s in the cage is when she’s not at the mansion or when it’s eating

Warren Worthington iii
-he’s not a fan of animals at all he thinks they’ll get in the way
-but he got dragged into a pet store once (probably by jubilee) and one the animals fell in love with him
-it was a bunny it would push all they other bunnies out of the way when Warren tried to pet them
-he wasn’t going to get it but Jubilee convinced him to
-he quickly fell in love
-he tells people it chose him
-everyone was shocked when Warren brought home a bunny
-some people laughed (Scott)
-it’s name is probably something unusual for a bunny
-he calls it a rabbit not a bunny because he thinks it sounds more manlier

Kurt Wagner
-he loves animals
-he wants to adopt every animal he sees
-he’ll try to pick up strays off the streets which has resulted in him getting scratched
-one time he actually picks one up
-it was a small kitten
-after he’s held it and it doesn’t scratch him he takes it inside
-he really prepared for animals he has everything he thinks he would need
-toys, water bowls, wet food, dry food, a scratching post, a bed
-the cat bed was pointless because it always sleeps next to him by his head
-he completely cat Proofed his room

anonymous asked:

Ok, so I keep thinking about the fact that we didn't see a 'first kiss' between J/D. Anyone who watches, reads or writes romance knows that the first kiss is one of the most important, if not THE MOST important, moment in the build-up of a romance. It's the action which is the catalyst, it 'breaks the seal', as it were. Kisses are also considered more intimate than even sex scenes. So to not include it here is..well, odd, if they intend J/D to be the big, epic romance their shippers believe. [1]

[cont… It strips away a lot of the intimacy and romance, & I keep trying to think of a reason they didn’t include it. The ONLY thing I can think of is that they want to save it for something(one) else. Jon hasn’t had a big, romantic kiss with anyone since S3. So maybe they didn’t give him one with D because they want to save that for his true endgame – Sansa. Any first kisses with D would suck away some of the impact of that inevitable moment with Sansa, hence, why they didn’t include one.[2]

Sure, we got ‘mid-sex’ kissing, but due to the structural elements of that scene – the intercutting, voice-overs, starting ‘in the middle’ of the kiss without any build-up - it didn’t have the beats required to create emotion/intimacy. It’s a very odd choice. That’s just not the done thing. Everyone knows the execution of the first kiss is vital. So it’s very odd to not include one. They did it with Grey worm/Missandei, why not J/D? Isn’t their romance 'the whole point?’ Why not do it right?[3]

I’m not sure if we’ll get a Jonsa sex scene. I don’t think Sophie has ever done one before, and there is a bigger age gap between her and Kit. So they might decide against it. But if they get The Kiss - the intimate, romantic beat missing from the J/D scene, it would set them apart, even without a sex scene like J/D. Sex doesn’t trump kisses – kisses are actually more intimate and emotional. So perhaps they are saving that moment for Jonsa. To highlight the emotional differences. Thoughts?[4]] 


Anonny, I’m sooooo sorry it took me so long to post this. As any of my long-time followers know, I’m just utter shite at responding to asks in a timely manner :( and I’m really sorry about that. 

But with that said, wow this is spot on! I totally agree with you on each point. 

The first kiss is incredibly important between any two characters whose journey is of a romantic nature. It signifies the culmination of every plot point and development that would’ve led up to that point. With regards to Jon and Dani, it would’ve signified understanding, growth, respect, trust, attraction and romance. But take that away from the scene, all we get is attraction. All anyone can focus on is the sex. That’s why first kisses are so drawn out in most movies/books before the actual love scene or why not every romance novel needs a love scene. All they need to really emphasise this couple’s love for each other is a first kiss. 

The only couples who don’t get a first kiss but get a sex scene are ones of the not so epic nature. Their relationship is reduced to just sex because that’s alll there is between them. Either that or the relationship is doomed. Why do you think all the teenage couples who have sex in horror movies are the first to die? 

I do like your theory about why they excluded that and how it’s because they wanted Jon’s big ‘first kiss’ scene with someone other than Dani. It makes sense because if there was a huge passionate first kiss with Dani and Jonsa was endgame, it would seriously detract from it. It’d be redundant to have another big passionate first kiss and it would just make Jon look flaky and his feelings weak and worthless. 

Great points, Anonny! Thank you for sending it in! 

anonymous asked:

Can we get a ryden timeline... xx (love the blog)

thank you anon xo, and I can do a Ryden timeline and edit: I took the readmore out because it doesn’t work on mobile so sorry this is going to be lengthy, and I apologize, some of the stuff I’m gonna say I can not find the articles or pictures to back myself up.

I think I’m gonna do this timeline by year 

2004/2006

Ryan and Jac, Brendon and Audrey

  -So back in like the wee baby days of Panic! Ryan and Brendon both dated a couple of “scene queens’ (oh early 00′s) and I wouldn’t mention it but there are sceenshots of conversations between the two girls saying stuff like “Oh your boyfriend turned mine gay.” and a few other things about the boys having a thing.

Ryan’s Livejournal

-Here’s the tumblr post all of his entries are on, seriously give them a read in your freetime

-he’s deleted the account, so :(. Like right after the Myrtle Beach stuff but that is the next thing

-So his livejournal, full of teenage angst, the early developments of songs from fever, vague relationship posts, great banter between him and brendon including:

-I apologize there are a few other things of them interacting on lj but I can’t fine any screenshots or anything of them

Kerrang! Slow Dancing article

-So basically in a December 2006 issue of Kerrang! they put in an article and I quote  “Urie and Ross crack up as they slow-dance together through the heaving dressing room, belting out ‘All These Things That I’ve Done’ by fellow Las Vegas quartet The Killers as they glide through the crowd.”

-Don’t believe me here’s a pic of the article with that paragraph circled, super hard to read, but it’s there

Myrtle Beach

-Shit gets sexy here (like literally)

-So the myrtle beach lore is what I would call 1/3 of the huge Ryden lore stories

-Basically after a show Panic! and their crew all went skinny dipping in Myrtle Beach

-In some interview or another I’m pretty sure one of the backup dancers on tour implied that they fucked. 

-Ryan wrote this livejournal entry about the night:

Sun, Jun 25 2006

The moon bred new Atlantic life tonight.the salt burned you right out of my eyes.and secrets we’re not proud of were taken with the tide. We were all newborns with blurred vision and no sense of direction.

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.

this is why I walk to the ocean.swim with jellyfish.I may never get this chance again.

this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.

If you want to cry you should cry, and

if you want to live you should live.

You don’t have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia.it’s for lovers (orjustfriends)

This is why I do it.

-and then promptly deleted his lj account shortly after that

2007/2009

Seattle 

-Seattle is already a significant place for Ryan as noted by this livejournal post:

Mon, Feb 6 2006

lay like lions in the sand..

one day we’ll settle in Seattle.

-But back to what this is really for (also totally copy and pasting this from my seattle post yesterday)

-Ryan turned 21 Pete Wentz  threw his party at one of his clubs in NYC, none of the other Panic! were 21 yet so they were already in seattle for the next show they were playing. 

^^^ Ryan @ his bday party,  -But anyways sometime during that night Ryan left his birthday party to fly out to Seattle, and was spotting in a resturant with Brendon, and a fan reconized them and got a picture which is here (sorry she’s blurred out I can’t find one not like that.)

-So yeah our boy left is own bday party to be with Brendon and wrote a song about it ( more on that in the next section) 

 -Ryan and Brendon also did an interview together around that same time where Ryan was still wearing the outfit from his B-day party and Brendon was wearing what he wore in that picture with a fan. Link to that interview: Here

Pretty.Odd

-2ish years since fever

-How much detail so I gotta go into here? That album was gay as fuck.

- It’s lengthy so I won’t go into depth but this entire album is basically about a summer love, more specifically the two people in love (Ryan and Brendon since this is a Ryden thing) Who use “the sun” and “the moon” to refer to eachother. It’s up for debate who’s who. And i’m not going to get into it

-Most notably is the lyric “We must reinvent love.” From Mad as Rabbits which is quoting a poem by a gay man about how since he doesn’t like women love must be reinvented

Northern Downpour (yeah I had to give this it’s own section)

 -This is a song on pretty.odd is heavily suspected to be about that night in Seattle, including lyrics such as “I missed your skin when you we’re East, you clicked your heels and wished for me.” (Ryan was in NYC which is east of Seattle), along with Seattle is rainy and in the North of the US.

-Ryan told Brendon to pay special attention to the lyric “I know the world’s a broken bone, but melt your headaches call it home.” and that is the lyric he got chocked up on playing it post-split

-Also during the Live in Chicago performance Brendon sings “Northern Downpour sends it’s love-” and then adds in and “I love you.” Right after.

Cape Town

-Pain, sadness

-No one knows what the fuck happened (aside from those involved)

-Cape Town, South Africa is where the last Panic! show with Ryan and Jon in the band played. It’s shady, and what is know is that Ryan and Brendon were not getting along to the point where they could stand to be in the same room together so Ryan and Jon left and created The Young Veins. 

- The Young Veins just so happen to have a song called Cape Town

-There’s a lot of speculation about said song being about Ryden and the band split (wrapped up into a metaphor about a girl). Mostly because the song is about a lost love. (in cape town.)

-Another large reason this is a very significant place in Ryden lore would be the lyric comparisons from the song Cape Town by The Young Veins, and a few songs off of Vices & Virtues. Most notably. From Cape Town: “Woke me in the morning asked me if I meant it, I didn't”. And from The Calendar (A song confirmed to be about the panic! split): “And I meant everything I said that night”

-The V&V bonus track the song Bittersweet has the lyric: “I’ve been to Tokyo, and to South Africa so many places that you may say I’ve seen it all”. Cape Town is in South African, not hard to make a connect about the two. And that concludes today’s lesson on the mystery of Cape Town.

Post-Split bits and peaces

-The Young Veins went off and wrote an album all about regret called Take A Vacation!

-Brendon and Spencer went on and released Vices & Virtues which is full of salt and bitterness. Salty Breakup album. 

-Ryan and Brendon parallel lyrics to eachother and I reccomend doing research on it or shooting me an ask and I’ll talk about it. 

And that is a timeline of Ryden 2004-2011ish. Feel free to ask me for more post breakup stuff (like Halloween, or the whole ‘they were cool after the split to now they rarely talk’ ) This is just getting lengthy but I will answer more questions on it

anonymous asked:

hiii! first lemme confess that I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WRITING SO MUCH YOU ARE MY GODDESS. And i was wondering if i can request mini fic on how will rfa+V/Saeran react that after a HUGE fight and misunderstanding MC just left them, was never seen and didn't make any contact. But two or three years later by coincidence they found her in another country (or city) with a child beside her that looks so identical to them (dunno if it will work for baehee ^^;;) AGAIN THANK YOU AND I WUV YOU HUGS ANDKISSES

AHHHHH YOU MADE MY DAY LOVELY ANON. I am so happy you like my writing <3. But wowwee this is an AMAZING request and I had so much fun writing this. Honestly, I don’t think Mini-Fics do this justice but I will post this diddly here and write a sequel post to this maybe next Saturday? :D I am going to keep this under the tab because it is SOOOO LONG GAHDAMN. Thanks so much and as always your love is much appreciated~ 

Show me and this post some love by FOLLOW/LIKE/REBLOG <3

Also I want to apologize to my Baehee lovers- I REALLY REALLY tried to figure out how to incorporate her into this, but I just couldn’t. I love baehee too but i just couldn’t I grant you all permission to stone me now D:

THANKIES MY BABIES <3

-ALSO SPOILER ALERT READ WITH CAUTION- 

Yoosung:

He was doing it once again; he compared you to her.

Hasn’t he realized by now, after two years of being together that you were

nothing like Rika?

Were you just her replacement?

All you wanted was for him to study, he had a huge exam coming up and he was still raging on LOLOL. You pulled the headphones off his head and he glared at you angrily, “What the hell, MC? I was in the middle of the game?” 

“Yoosung, you have your biochemistry exam tomorrow, you need to study and get some sleep or you will fail,” you said, annoyed that he was being upset with you for caring.

“God MC, can you just leave me alone? Who even cares? I’ll study when I am done playing,” he said as he glared at you once again, snatching the headphones out of your hands and placing them back on the top of his head

That was it. You have had enough and you went over and just unplugged the computer, inciting a loud yell from your boyfriend.

“Why the hell did you do that? I lost all of my progress. Why can’t you just understand and leave me alone? Rika would have.” He spat angrily.

You felt your heart shatter to pieces, tears now beginning to stream down your face. “Is that all I am to you? A replacement for the crush you had on your cousin?” You didn’t even wait for him to reply, you went into his room and pulled all of your stuff into a suitcase. 

You walked back out to find him sitting on the couch looking down at his hands. You saw that he was still upset, but so were you. You wanted nothing more but the best for him, you wanted to love and cherish him but you could only be yourself. You were your own person and nobody’s replacement. You opened the door, walking out of his life, looking back one last time you said, “Goodbye Yoosung, I hope that you get over her eventually.” With that, you were gone.

~

Three long years had passed, and Yoosung had regretted that day ever since. Why didn’t I just stop playing the stupid game? I did need to study for that exam, I threw everything away, I am so stupid.

Three long years had passed since MC had left him. After he calmed down he went to Rika’s apartment, hoping that she was there and that he could apologize. He opened the door to find it empty, he asked Seven to try locating her, but he couldn’t find her, all he knows is that she got onto a train and then the trail went dry. 

He had become depressed, the came home and trashed his computer, letting out all his pent out anger on the mechanic device, tears flowing down his face freely. He poured himself into work, finishing school with honors, to most of his professor’s surprises.

He took a year off before furthering his education, hoping to do some travel, to try forgetting the pain that etched his heart permanently. He was going to go backpacking in Switzerland, staying with a small host family in a tiny village. He hoped to learn something about the animal and plant life there but also hoping that the manual labor would help him forget his mistakes, what he had done.

He made the love of his life cry, and have all the happiness drain from his life. He felt a jolt as the car pulled up to the rural village. He stepped out to meet his host family and get settled down. He laid on the bed, contemplating if this really was the right thing to do. He felt tears leave cold trails down his cheeks it was so painful. He had to do something, to try getting over MC. He had ruined things, and he deserved every ounce of pain that he was receiving now. 

His ears perked at the soft succession of knocks on his door. He shot up, grabbing his head and groaning at the lightheadedness he was feeling. 

“Yoosung, the town has gathered to meet you, won’t you come say hello?” his host mother said cheerfully.

He knew he couldn’t decline, he got up and freshened himself up. He went outside to see a large group of people waiting anxiously outside for him. He introduced himself shyly as they exchanged pleasantries. He found himself wanting to escape, the sadness from thinking about MC still gnawing at his heart slowly.

 After what felt like hours, he went to his host mother and told her that he was going inside to begin unpacking. 

“Oh but wait, Yoosung, you have yet to meet one more person. She teaches at the local school here, hold on let me go grab her… oh, actually I see her making her way over here.” The host mother replied glibly.

 Yoosung was about to politely decline as he glanced back at the teacher. His eyes watered and the cadence of his heart had increased furiously. He felt all the blood rush to his head and began feeling lightheaded once again. This is a dream, right? There is no way MC would be here right?

He knew the answer, though. More so, he saw the answer when you two finally made eye contact, the blood drained from your face and you immediately stopped. It was like there was no one else around, that you two were the only two people in the whole world. The dam broke and tears began slowly falling from his eyes, as he whispered your name out loud, the first time in years. He began walking over to you, desperately trying to close the distance between the two of you, the distance that he had caused.

 He was shaken out of his reverie by a child, a little girl who clung onto you, “Mommy”. As the words came out of the young girl’s mouth Yoosung felt his heart sink. She moved on, she’s a mother now. He looked at you, heart breaking in his eyes and looked back at the child.

The child, feeling his gaze on him, finally looked over and made eye contact. Yoosung fell to his knees, he was finding it difficult to breathe, he was so confused. He was looking right into the same pair of Amethyst irises that were on his own face. What is going on? There’s no way…right? And with that, darkness clouded his vision as he closed the short distance to the ground with a soft thump.

~To be continued~


Zen:

You were late. It felt like your heart had dropped into your stomach, even before you saw the lines on the pregnancy test, deep down you knew, you were pregnant. So many emotions consumed you at once; you were terrified and extremely excited. You and Zen had made a baby out of your love. You were overjoyed, to say the least. You ran to text your lovely boyfriend. Your two year anniversary was coming up in a few days and asked him to come early that day, you were going to surprise him over dinner and you couldn’t wait.

It felt like an eternity waiting for your boyfriend to come home from rehearsal, you guys had a reservation and you were seriously cutting it close. You heard a knock at the door and you opened it to a bouquet of roses in front of your face, behind them your lovely silver haired boyfriend stood, grinning ear to ear.

“Happy Anniversary Babe,” he said as he pulled you in for a kiss. You felt so happy you were going to cry. Pulling away, you interlocked your fingers and rushed out onto the street. It was a beautiful day and you really needed to walk these nerves off. What better way to spend the day, with the man you love. You listened intently as he rambled on about practice and how he was in line for a new A-List movie.

Things really were looking up, Zen making his big break on the big screen and you were going to start a family together. You guys were finally seated, when you heard a shrill cry from the table near you, you saw a mother trying to calm her baby down, the father cooing lovingly at the child. You wondered if that is how it would be when you gave birth, your heart swelling with longing.

“Ugh, thank god that is not us babe,” Zen said as he scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I know I said I wanted to start a family with you, and I do, but there is no way I could be on my career track and have to worry about some brat”

You felt your heart shatter and you sank in your seat, “What do you mean by that Zen? I thought you wanted a family…” you asked as cautiously as you could without revealing your emotions to him.

“Hmm, I probably do, but having one

right now

would be a total inconvenience, ” he said as he picked at his food. “I’m just breaking the ice to become and A-Lister, it would be the end of my career if we had a kid now”

You felt your whole world shatter, an inconvenience. This is the man you love how on earth could you make him choose between you and his dream job. You kept up the happy façade as you continued to enjoy each other’s company for the night.

The next day, when Zen left for his final audition, he kissed you goodbye and for good luck. Little did he know it was the last time you would kiss him. You knew, that if he had to choose between his career and you, he would pick you. Wel, you hoped, part of you was terrified to find out, so you made the decision for him. You packed all of your things, and quickly scribbled a small letter for him and walked out, hoping that you made the right choice.

~

He had moved on. He was Zen, the award-winning A-List actor, men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him. So why was he still hung up on MC?

It shattered his heart, him coming home, ecstatic, ready to share the news that he had landed the role. Only to find his house empty, every trace of her gone from his apartment, a simple note left on the table. I’m sorry Zen, I can’t do this anymore.

He hunted for her, looking everywhere but came up empty. She clearly did not want to be found. Where did he go wrong? Had he not loved her properly? Was she not satisfied because he was not a hot shot star yet? Did she find someone better? In the end, it was her loss, because he was now famous and couldn’t spare her a second thought. 

Yet every night, no matter who laid in bed next to him that day, he felt his mind wander to her. His needs were animalistic and emotions were too troublesome to deal with. He took what he needed to and they never heard from him again, he was not going to let someone play with him like that again. Yeah, he was totally over her. 

He was traveling to L.A, to shoot a scene for his new movie. Everything had been done smoothly, they were ahead of scheduled in the shooting and he had some down time. Why not sightsee? He loved the attention that he received for his unique looks and status, he paraded down the streets, window shopping, when he came across a small bookstore.

He felt the blood rushing in his ears, MC loved bookstores like this. He brushed the painful feeling that was swarming inside of him, as he casually walked into the store. He looked around, brushing his fingers against titles you used to love. Ah, I believe this one was her favorite yes?

As he pulled the book out, he heard someone, “Do you need help finding anything sir? That is a splendid read, my favorite actually.” He froze, he knew that voice, how could he forget. When he reads the letter, he hears it in that voice, the voice that completely broke his heart. His eyes hardened as he turned around, the temperature dropping considerably in the store as he met your eyes, your face blanching.

“Well well well, look who we have here. What was your name again? MD? Something like that no?” he claimed snarkily, as you flinched from the harsh words he spat at you. “Being the man I am, and the number of women I have been with, you all just kind of blur together.” 

“Nice to see you Zen,” you said as he saw you clench your jaw. “I am glad to see you’re doing well.” 

His ruby irises flashed in anger briefly, he was not going to let you have the satisfaction of knowing you could still affect him. He gave you a haughty laugh as he sneered, “Well of course after you left me, my life changed for the better. So maybe I should say thank you?” It took him everything he had to not visibly flinch in front of you, but he had to prove that he was doing better, that you still didn’t have your fingers in him. Even though all he wanted to do was pull your long tresses out of that ponytail and feel the silky strands against his fingers. He wanted to bury his hands in your hair as he pulled you close, his other hand on your waist as he felt the warmth of you lips against his, but he was not weak.

These past three years have hardened him and he was not going to let you uproot all of his hard work. “Have a nice life MC.” He said, noticing the sadness wash over your face as he abruptly walked out of the store. 

What on earth am I doing? He thought to himself, as he watched you. What am I a stalker now?

He didn’t know why, but his feet seemed to wander back to the little shop, he knew he was extremely conspicuous so he donned some sunglasses and a hat, which he tucked all of his hair into. He watched you, as you wiped a few stray tears from your face, his heart clenched. Had it been before he would have run into the store and kissed the tears away. However, this was not before and he was not the same naïve man he used to be.

 He watched as you checked the time and quickly locked the store up. He watched you and began following you. I simply want to see if she’s doing worse, to make sure that she’s not happier than she was when she was with me right? This is to only make me feel better since I’m totally over her.

He followed you for quite a while, admiring the view. Noticing that nothing had really changed. Minus the fact that before, his place would have been right next to you, holding your hand, cherishing you. Not longing for you from afar. He saw as you stood outside a daycare center, watching the children play. He had wanted to start a family with you, once he had secured his role in the movie, he was going to ask you to marry him that night, but apparently he was not good enough.

He wondered, was the man you were with right now, making you laugh like he had? Did he hold your hand like he always did? Did he wake up and make breakfast for you or tickle you like he had? Did he love you as passionately as he did? The mere thought made him clench his jaw tightly. Was he responsible for your smile now that Zen was deemed unworthy of that task?

His train of thought was broken and he felt his jaw drop. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He saw the child hugging MC, and MC speaking to him affectionately. He was shaking, he wanted to scream, to cry, anything. He was so confused. The little boy had a striking resemblance to him; it was like he was looking into his own crimson eyes. The boy even had the same white hair that his hands were gripping tightly. It was like looking at pictures of him again during the toddler stage.

Slowly, he made his way over. He stood behind, the woman who had crushed him. Completely and utterly destroyed him. He needed answers.

He saw your face ashen as you caught his eyes. He looked at you and the child repeatedly. Gears spinning in his head, it can’t be. There is no way, right? He continued to stare at the child, now shying away from your stares. A series of emotions rushed onto his face, joy, sadness, anger but most of all confusion. Finally, he gathered his nerves and look right at you, your eyes filled to the brim with tears, completely speechless.

“MC, there’s no way right?”

~To be continued~


Jumin:

“Honey, please, would you just tell me what is wrong? Did something happen at work? Why are you in such a terrible mood?” you asked the stoic man who sat across from you at the table, his metallic irises piercing yours as he glared at you. You felt yourself visibly flinch and shrink away from his cold glare.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” he spat out angrily. “I saw you today, flirting with the Director of Marketing, you were laughing quite shamelessly at what he said.”

You couldn’t believe your ears, you and Jumin had been engaged for two years now. In the beginning, he was scarily possessive when Elizabeth had run away. He eased up and slowed down and your relationship was amazing. You enjoyed time with each other, felt the love blossom between the two of you, but recently he had been regressing back into his jealous, possessive ways.

“Juju, honey, I promise. I was merely being polite and making small talk- you know that you are the only person my heart beats for, the only person I love so dearly,” you said softly, as you reached for his hand.

He ripped his hand away from yours harshly his eyes were stone cold. “Do I really know that? The Director of Marketing is very well off, you could be spreading your legs for him, for all that I know” he said, his voice laced with such disgust it made you feel as if you had done something wrong.

Tears began to well in your eyes, begging you to come out. No, you were not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You merely looked at him, anger radiating off of you, as you were looking face to face with the man that just ripped your heart out and stepped on it like it was utter trash.

It felt like a millennia had passed before either of you said anything. Jumin was the first one to speak, “Perhaps you should leave, MC,” he said, as he turned around. “I need some time.”

You were done. You had given this man everything, and he crushed you. You simply could not do it anymore, the possessiveness, the jealousy, the accusations. It took all of your strength to stand up and walk away, you grabbed a suitcase and threw all of your essential into it and began walking out. You paused momentarily, taking off your engagement ring and placing it on the table, “You want time? Well now you’ve got it because I am done” you said venomously and with that, you walked out and away from the man that claimed your heart.

~

He said he needed time and that was this mistake, one of many he had made that night. When she walked out of his life, he thought that he would be able to locate her easily but she had completely wiped herself off the grid. She must have changed her name and created and alias because even seven couldn’t locate her. Jumin was not giving up, though. Even now, three years later, he still carried her engagement ring in his breast pocket.

He was on the plane, on the way to London, to speak to another potential business client, when he felt his mind wander to her, as it did most of the day. Day in and day out, he poured himself into his work, even giving up Elizabeth to Yoosung. It was completely his fault that she had left; he pushed her away, even throwing grotesque accusations at her. He overheard from his employees that the Director of Marketing was cheating on his wife and had his eyes set on his beloved. When he saw them talking all rational thought left his head and he couldn’t think straight. He knew that you would never betray him like that, you had given him more love and happiness than he deserved, he self-sabotaged everything he had going on and he despised himself for it.

He knew that she belonged to herself and that he could not control her. However, the very thought of losing her made him go insane. Life worked in mysterious ways because in the end he pushed her away and he was still miserable. He was not giving up, though, he would continue searching for her until his very last breath.

The one time that Driver Kim does not accompany him, everything seems do go wrong. He had finished the meeting he had with his business client and he was on his was back to his hotel when the car was having some issues. It seemed that it was going to take three hours for someone to come out and help, seeing that it was rush hour. Jumin’s head was throbbing, his heart was chronically aching but more so today, he decided that since he had no other options he would go for a walk. He was in London, some sight seeing surely would not hurt anyone.

He began walking down the street and came across and ice cream parlor, his mind wandered again to his beloved MC. He remembered how when they had gone on their first date, he insisted on going to a five-star restaurant but she denied. She said that she would pick and that Jumin had to wear casual clothing. Their first date was at an ice cream store, where they simply talked and enjoyed each others company, they then went to a park where they just sat and talked for hours and looked at the clouds. He found himself smiling to himself, missing her dearly.

He kept strolling on, passing a jewelry store, when a necklace caught his eyes. It was very simple, a crescent moon with a heart dangling to the center of the moon. He went into the store and purchased it, pleased with himself because he knew it would look wonderful on MC. She was always very simplistic, finding pleasure in the small things in life, never getting anything too gaudy or over the top. He felt himself cringe, as he remembered what he had said to her before he drove her away, her referred to her as parasitical, a gold digger. He was absolutely ridiculous because MC was anything but so. He felt his head begin to throb once again and the pain in his chest was unbearable at this point.

He spotted a small park across the street and decided to go sit down for a bit and maybe calm down. The park was very small and quaint, surrounded by nature. His mind began to wander to MC, as it had been all day. Oh how he missed her, he was a fool. He was kicking himself when he felt something again his leg. He looked up to see a ball against his leg, as he picked it up he heard the small patter of footsteps.

“Hey, Mister! That’s our ball you can’t steal it” he looked down to see two children running over to him as fast as their tiny legs could take them. The little girl had her raven hair tied in braids and the little boy’s raven hair flounced up and down as he ran over. He felt himself smile, but what struck him the most was that it was as if he was staring into his own eyes, since the children each had a pair of their own silver eyes, he found them absolutely adorable.

Bending down so he was on his knees in front of them, he handed the ball over to them and gently ruffled their hair. “There you go kids, make sure you be careful when you play,” he said to them as he felt himself smile once again softly.

“Woooooah. Hey, mister, you have silver eyes too?” the kids asked him, completely awestruck. “That is so cool” they squealed. “Mommy says that our daddy has silver eyes like us too, I hope we get to meet him one day”

He was about to reply to the children when he felt his heart stop beating. The blood in his veins ran cold, he rubbed his eyes roughly. This… surely this is a dream, right?

“Kids~ what did I tell you about running off?” he knew that melodious voice, he knew the owner of that voice. He turned his head and saw you, looking as beautiful as ever. Your long hair cascading effortlessly down your shoulders, worry painting your features. How was it possible for you to become even more beautiful?

Kids? She got married? Of course, she had gotten married, any man would be lucky to have MC, I should know. He turned his back to her and was about to say something to the children in front of him when they shot out from his arms.

“Mommy! We found out ball, that nice man over there helped us out” they said as they ran over to you. His blood ran cold once more. “Mommy? No way? That cannot be possible, that would mean that…” he thought to himself as he clenched his hand into a fist.

You let out a laugh and he felt his heart squeeze. He missed your laugh; it was one of his favorite sounds in the world. He craves for your smile and to feel your lips against his. “Well guys, let’s be polite and go say thank you to the kind sir” he heard you say, as he turned around.

He saw as his eyes met yours, the surprise on your face. He saw the color drain from your face completely. He saw a flash of anger that crossed your eyes. What pained him the most was the pain that was blatantly obvious on your face, seeing him caused you so much pain that he saw you physically flinch.

A whirlwind of emotions were flowing inside him for the first time in 3 years, he clenched his heart, eyes pleading with MC, begging her to say something, anything.

~To be continued~


Seven:

He was spiraling, regressing at a rapid rate. It all started a few days ago. Seven had been sitting at home for nearly a week, you decided to take him outside, so see that new scary movie and maybe look at the stars together. Honestly, you’d watch grass grow if you could be with Saeyoung.

He was in a better mood, happy to finally get a break from work and he always loved date night. Unfortunately, he was a secret agent and happiness was always short lived. Someone from another agency who was not too happy with Saeyoung, they grabbed you and shoved you to the ground.

Fists flew and there was shouting, the next thing you knew was that Saeyoung was carrying you up into your shared home. He gently placed you on the bed as he began cleaning your wounds. His shoulders began to shake as he broke down sobbing, apologizing endlessly. 

You grabbed his face and peppered it with kisses, reassuring him that you were strong. This slight plain was nothing than the pain you would be in if you couldn’t be by his side. Maybe that’s where it all went wrong you initially put the idea of not being by his side into his head.

He had gone back to how it was when you were back at Rika’s apartment. In fact, he might be even colder than he was back then. It was like the past two years of you two being together had not even happened. Whenever you would say something to him, he would give you cold responses, he even stopped going to bed with you. He simply did not sleep or slept in his workroom.

It was starting to drive you insane. You had enough, you stomped into his room as he gave you another cold glance and went back to typing rapidly. “Saeyoung, what is going on? Why do you insist on pushing me away?” you asked, pleasing your voice to stop shaking.

Sighing, he stood up and threw his headphones down, “Honestly, I’m getting tired of you, MC. You always nag me, bother me and harass me. You’re constantly smothering me! I feel suffocated in my own god damn home.” He yelled.

 You cursed yourself, as you felt yourself flinch at his harsh words. You knew this was a tactic, for him to just push you away. At least you hoped it was. Anxiety ate away at you sometimes, wondering if he meant anything that he said to you when he was like this.

You gathered yourself, feigning confidence, “Saeyoung please, I love you. I know that you’re just doing this to push me away. I love you more than anything in the world…please” you said, your voice breaking.

He let out a vicious laugh, and looked at you, his eyes hard. You nearly whimpered at the person before you, surely this wasn’t your lovely seven, this guy seemed to despise you. “See here’s the thing MC, I don’t think I love you. Not anymore. In fact, I don’t think I ever did, I think it was just that you were the shiny new toy in the RFA. I had to watch you and yeah I noticed that you had a nice ass that I could tap, but love? Don’t flatter yourself” a grim smile, plastered on his face.

Tears were now freely running down your face. The pain was bone crushing, you were left trying to catch your breath. You couldn’t believe this was happening. Was everything a lie? He never loved me? It was one sided this entire time? It would have hurt less if he had slapped you. 

“Well, since you clearly don’t feel the same, let me do you the favor of leaving. So I don’t bother you anymore.” You said quietly. You went into your shared bedroom and gathered your things. You went back into the workroom and quietly took off the pendant that Saeyoung had given you and left.

The wind was harsh, but the cold front that Seven had was worse. Being heartbroken was utterly unbearable. Sobs escaped you as you flagged down a taxi. You left the man that you loved more than anything in the world. Never looking back, hoping that maybe someday he would be happy, even if that meant it wasn’t with you.

~

It was for the best, he thought to himself. That day when his enemies had hurt her, he saw red. He was causing her pain, putting her in danger. He loved her more than anything, but she deserved better. She deserved a happy stable husband that can take her out on dates without the risk of being mauled and beaten. 

He was genuinely surprised when she had actually gotten up and left. Isn’t that what he wanted? He said some vulgar things to you, things that were not even remotely true. He watched as you got into a taxi and drove away. He knew this was for the best, that you deserved better, that you could do so much better than him.

He knew. Too bad he was a selfish bastard. Three weeks had gone by and he was out of tears. His heart was clenching with unbearable pain. He gave up and decided to go find her. To his surprise, it seemed that she did not want to be found. She watched as she bounced from taxi to taxi, confusing him. He was going mad, unable to even see her through CCTV’s. He had the love of his life, in his arms and he pushed her away. He fell back, tears stinging at his eyes once more. He deserves this, to be unhappy; she was always too good for him. He had hurt her so he would live life miserably knowing that he caused all of this.

It has been three years and not a day goes by where he doesn’t think of MC. He reverted back to his 707 persona, acting like everything was okay, when it most certainly was not. Alas, he was travelling and that always took his mind off of things. He had to fly over to New York, to see the launch of some fancy new tech. During the plane ride, he couldn’t help but think of you, as he felt the cold metal of his pendant against his chest. A harsh reminder to him everyday of what he had lost. 

New york was busy and bustling, just how he liked it. No one knew him here and no one cared. He attended the tech launch and was bored out of his mind. He decided to make his way over to a diner to grab some food as he smiled to himself softly. You would so proud of me MC, I’m having a meal that doesn’t entail hbc or phd pepper.

He pulled out his laptop, and began finishing up some last minute work for Vanderwood. Well, he tried too. His mind kept wandering to you, how much he searched for you and hoped to see you just even it was a small glimpse. Groaning, he pulled up all of the security footage in the entire state of New York, it was a long shot but he ran a facial recognition scan through all of the security footage.

He knew it would take a while, he sat and patiently waited, trying so very hard to not get his hopes up. His hopes to find you, because what were the chances that you were here? His thoughts were filled to the brim with you, the first time you kissed, the first time he laid eyes on you, he always knew, you were the one. 

There was no one else for him. He loved you so dearly but he’d rather be alive and well if it meant you couldn’t be by his side. He jumped as he heard his laptop ping quietly. No way. You were here, in New York.

He saw that you worked at a office building on the other side of town and that you would be leaving in an hour and a half. He quickly paid his bill and bolted out of the restaurant. He hailed a taxi and gave him the address. His heart was pounding and he felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. He could see her. He didn’t even need to talk to her. He just wanted to silently watch her and make sure she was all right, that she was happy. 

The taxi finally pulled up next to the large office building, just in time to see her walking out. Seven pulled his hood over his head and kept his eyes low and rounded the corner. He watched her as she walked outside, looking as radiant as ever. She was older and more beautiful than he could ever imagine. To his irritation, he saw that she walked outside with one of her male coworkers, who seemed to be hitting on her. She politely smiled and declined, seven felt his heart swell with happiness.

He knew that he shouldn’t hold her back and that he should be happy for her. He was the one that ruined things between them. He quietly followed her, longing for her as she went on with the rest of her day.

He watched her, she seemed more voluptuous than before, curves that turned him on more than anything. It took him everything he had to not grab her butt everytime it caught his eye. She had cut her long hair, and it was now shoulder length, she always had a baby face but this made her look even younger. He watched has her locks bounced with every step she took. 

They turned into a residential area, he jumped when he heard her groan. She paused briefly and seven bent down to pretend to tie his shoe. He heard her curse as she pulled off her heels, and held them in her hands as she resumed her pace. He laughed silently to himself, looks like some things never change.

He watched as she walked into a nearby park, filled with a few kids. He was surprised to hear her yelling and even more surprised when he saw a child run into her arms. She fell back laughing, smothering the child with kisses, as she did to him once. His heart stopped beating. The child had red hair and his own amber eyes, even more so the child was wearing glasses. He began to shake, there was no way this could be right? Surely God was this cruel?

Deep down, he knew the answer. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself. That child was his, born from the love he and MC had. His heart swelled in love and affection when his breath hitched in his throat. I abandoned MC, while she was pregnant with our child. I’m a fucking monster. 

He fell to his knees groaning, grabbing his shirt, the pain in his chest unbearable. “S-Saeyoung?” his head snapped up to look straight into MC’s. She held the child to her, and he was the spitting image of Saeyoung. He looked at the child and back at MC. His brain trying to find the words to say, what on earth could he say?

His heart shattered when he heard her inhale. Tears were flowing gently down her cheeks heartbreak was prevalent on her face, engraved in her eyes. He couldn’t say anything; he just stared at her. He was the cause of all of this. He came, crashing into her life, creating a mess and then simply leaves and here he was once again creating a mess. He was terrible for her, but he wanted, more than anything. He never stopped loving her, not even for a second, he wanted to be a part of his sons life, but he simply could not find the words to say.   

“Mommy? Why are you sad?” the tiny redhead said as he wiped MC’s tears, shooting a tiny glare at Seven.

 He felt his heart swell with pride. Ah yes son, good job protect your mother. The worst thing for her in this world is me.

~To be continued~


V:

You were constantly living in her shadow. She tormented and tortured V for years. Abusing him so severely that he still was under the impression that he owed her something. It made you feel sick. You tried to not let that bother you but it was certainly weighing down on your relationship with V.

How could he still even think of her? That bitch? That’s why when he accidentally called you, “Rika” your blood ran cold. You couldn’t help the tears that began pooling in your eyes as you looked at your lover.

He didn’t even realize his mistake; he just kept on talking, as if nothing had happened. He looked and saw that you were on the verge of tears, “MC, I apologize, I was simply confused for a second…” he tried to explain.

“Is that all I am for you V, a replacement for Rika? Because from where I stand she will always be your number one and I can’t keep being beat by some woman that treated you so poorly. Not when I love you this much,’’ you said as you began sobbing into your hands.

 Loving him was becoming way too painful, you couldn’t help your selfishness, “V, I’m sorry but I don’t think you love me.” His jaw dropped as he watched you get up and grab your things. You quickly packed your bags, willing yourself to not cry. You were the one who was ending things, why was it so painful?

You grabbed your things and made your way to the door. You paused momentarily and looked back at the blue haired man sitting on the couch. He was staring at his hands, thinking silently. “Goodbye V.” and like that you were gone. 

You made your way outside, looking back. Leaving behind the man you loved more than anything in the world. Tears began falling rapidly down your face once again. There’s no way he’s going to come after me-he still loves her.

~

He failed Rika once and now he failed you. I don’t think you love me. Those words have haunted him for the past three years. He loved you more than anything, more than he ever loved Rika, but he still ended up hurting you. 

Seeing you in tears had broken him. He never wanted to be the cause of your sadness, of your tears, but he always was. He was frustrated, angry with himself for letting the love of his life out of his reach. He wanted to run after you, beg you not to leave, that you held a far more special place in his heart thank Rika ever did. You were his soul mate, his life partner. But how could he?

 He didn’t deserve you. You were leaving him and he would let you. If that is what it meant for you to be happy, for tears to stop flowing down your face, then he would suffer so that you could be happy. 

He did his best to get his mind off of you. The travelled constantly, pouring himself into his work, not coming back to Korea in 3 years. Was it successful? Not in the least. On every adventure he went on, the more he missed you. The late night phone calls or him constantly sending you pictures, hell he still bought you a souvenir from every place he visited.

He was back in town finally, for the first time in years. He wondered if you were happy? Had you moved on, did you love someone else now? Were they treating you right? He felt his heart throb at the thought of you being loved by someone other than him. He endured it though, if someone were more qualified to love you then he would graciously hand you over.

He started at the suitcase full of souvenirs that he brought back for you. Surely things were a bit awkward, but you guys could work at being friends right? He decided that he would go visit you-to deliver the souvenirs since it would be wasteful if he didn’t give them to you. He called Luciel immediately, asking him to track you down.

Luciel picked up right away, “V?! Are you back in Korea? It’s been three years we all thought you died?”

 “Luciel please, can you find MC, I need to talk to her.” V replied calmly.

Luciel’s tone shifted, hardening a bit, “Yeah V, you guys really need to talk. I can’t believe you did that to MC. That’s between you and her, I will text you the address.” And with that the hacker was gone.

He knew the RFA was probably disappointed in him and MC splitting up. He knew things would be weird that’s why he left, without saying a word to anyone. He did not want to force them to choose between him and her. He would simply suffer by himself silently, as he always did.

He made his way to MC’s house and rang the doorbell. His heart was beating considerably fast. He was definitely still enamoured with her. He couldn’t help it, three years was not enough time to forget the love of your life.

 He heard the lock click and the door open, his heart raced even more as he looked into the face of his beloved. She was as beautiful as he remembered. She was so shocked to see him she dropped her phone and covered her open mouth. Various emotions fleeted over her features; anger, happiness and most prominently sadness.

Her eyes welled up with tears as she looked at him. All he wanted to do was confort her like he used to. Just pull her into a crushing hug, whispering sweet nothings into her ears. He gave her a bashful smile, “MC is it alright if I come in? I wanted to talk to you, maybe catch up” 

His smile fell promptly as he saw you gather yourself and shake your head vigorously, “I don’t think that’s a good idea V” He felt his heart shatter, the pain was startling. He was about to rebuttal, when he heard a tiny voice from inside call his attention.

“Mommy? Where’d you go?” “Mommy? Ah, so she did move on” he thought to himself bitterly. He had disappeared for three years, what did he expect? For her to welcome him back with open arms? To have things go back to what they were, her and him hopelessly in love?

He forced himself to swallow the pain that was beginning to build up inside him. He was about to tell her the reason for his visit and excuse himself out of her life once again. When he caught a glimpse of the young boy. He looked at MC, tears now running down his own face.

The child, had his blue hair and MC’s eyes. It was so very clear who the parents of this child were, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. This is a dream right? There is no way this little boy is my son? That I abandoned MC and missed the first few years of my child’s life?

He looked into MC’s eyes and he felt his eyes plead with hers. Please tell me I didn’t leave you alone like this. The answer was displayed clear as day on her face. He wasn’t surprised, he had hoped it was true and it was. This was their son. Why hadn’t MC said anything to me?

He grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug, “please MC, tell me what’s going on.”

~to be continued~


Saeran:

You didn’t know what to do and you were complete terrified to your wits end. You had taken a pregnancy test and it came back positive. You were thrilled that you were carrying the being that came from your and Saeran’s love. You were absolutely ecstatic but you were terrified, you had never had this conversation with him before. Hell you didn’t even know if he wanted kids.

You ran to meet him at the ice cream shop, where you went every evening. You caught glimpse of your adorable red headed muffin standing outside, patiently waiting for you. You loved him so much, and he was working so very hard every single day for you. You snuck behind him and hugged him tightly. You felt him exhale and softly laugh, turning around and grabbing your face, bringing your lips to his own.

 You walked in and ordered your usual order, a banana split with your three favorite flavors. Usually you ate inside the parlor, but you insisted on taking a quick walk to the park to sit and eat there, the fresh air would do you both some good right?

Saeran went along with whatever you wanted, ad you sat at the bench, you saw a family with four rambunctious kids walk by. They were all screaming and your heart plummeted, you wondered if that would be you one day. Having a million kids  and hating your life. You cleared your throat, “Oh my gosh, Saeran, look at that family and how many kids they have, isn’t that cute?” you prodded cautiously.

He wrinkled his nose, “You think that’s cute? Kids are totally gross and they seem like their annoying. If you want to deal with someone immature then why not just talk to my brother?” he said as he shoveled another bite of ice cream into his eager mouth.

You lost your appetite completely; he doesn’t want kids? You felt a bit depressed; you wanted a family so very badly. You decided to drop this for now, deciding on the best time to bring it up to him again.

You two walked back home and feel captive to exhaustion. You had slept for a few hours, when you woke up to some noises, pounding to be exact. You woke up and glanced at your phone, the harsh light burning your unadjusted eyes. It was 3am, what on earth? You reached over to ask Saeran if he heard that noise as well, when your hands touched the empty sheets. 

He wasn’t there. You knew what this was. You shot up out of bed and ran to search for him. You found him in the living room, groaning and punching the wall repeatedly. Blood was dripping off his knuckles.

 “Saeran, please honey, it’s me. Come back to bed so I can treat your wounds.” You asked calmly.

 “No. No. NO.” he yelled. “I can’t do this. Pretend that everything is okay and that I am happy. I still feel that bitch in my head and I can’t do this. I can’t be with you. You need to leave.

 You felt your heart drop, “Please Saeran, you don’t mean that, just come on back to bed” you said as you gently reached for him. You felt a sting as he slapped you hand away, tears sprung into your eyes, not from the pain but simply because you were shocked at his cold reaction.  

Don’t tell me what I mean okay? I can’t be with you MC. It’s too hard. Please just leave me alone and get out of my life. I don’t want you anymore; you are just burdening me at this point” he spat angrily.

You were surprised that the tears that threatened to fall hadn’t yet. You looked at him for a few minutes before finally acknowledging it. You couldn’t be there for him. You weren’t helping him. You were making things worse. You went into the room and packed your suitcase, silently, shocked at how composed you were being.

Placing a hand on your stomach protectively, you thought to yourself that maybe this was for the best. If you were so burdensome to him, imagine what the child would be? You would suffer as much as you could but there was no way you were going to let Saeran or this child suffer. You had failed him in loving him, and you would regret it forever.

 You heaved the backpack on your shoulders, and looked at him once more. Looking at the man that held your heart, your entire being. “Saeran, I am so sorry I failed you. I hope you find happiness, I will love you forever” you turned and walked out of the apartment. The tears that you were holding back finally released themselves, your shoulders shook as you cried for your love that just ended. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. You know what they say, “if you love something, set it free, if its meant to be it will come back.” Please god, let Saeran come back to me.

~

He knew he fucked up. Saeyoung knew he fucked up. Hell even Elizabeth knew he fucked up. He sent her away, the love of his life. All because he felt himself relapse for a tiny bit. When they had gone to the park, he felt so much love for her it scared him, he watched families pass them by and longed for that. He looked forward to the day that he and MC could start a family of their own.

She must have caught him staring because she asked him about kids and he shot the idea down immediately. He didn’t want to worry her or have her think that he was pressuring her into starting a family. He wanted to first get better, before even thinking about that.

He had so many issues to work out, he did not even know if he was qualified to be a father but he wanted to try so that he could be happy with you. Well that was before he messed up and pushed you away. The emotions that he had for you were overflowing, and he was constricted. He was scared. You held the power to destroy him, break his heart and that terrified him. So what did he do? He broke his own heart, and unfortunately yours in the process.

He hoped that you moved on, and finally found someone that cherished you and gave you everything you deserved. Everything he couldn’t give you. That was a lie. He secretly hoped that after all these years, you still wanted him, that you loved him like he loved you.

He tried so hard to find you, but he couldn’t. All of the leads and trails you had left came up dry, it seemed like you didn’t want to be found. Saeran couldn’t blame anyone but himself and he shut down. He knew his brother was getting worried, especially when he surprised Saeran with tickets for them to visit Tokyo.

He agreed, much to Saeyoung’s surprise. He needed something, anything to get his mind off of the throbbing pain in his chest. He felt frustrated that he couldn’t find MC; he hated himself for ever letting her go, for hurting her so badly. He would endure it because surely MC put up with worse when she was with him.

They got on the plane when he noticed Saeyoung was acting weird. He cast him a sideway glare, “What’s wrong with you idiot brother? Why are you acting so odd-well more odd than usual at the very least” he asked suspiciously.

Saeyoung looked at him and winked, “Oh~ don’t mind me. I am just excited to go on a family vacation” “Yeah right” Saeran thought to himself, “this guy is up to something.”

He felt himself, drift of, thinking once again of his beloved MC, back to a time when things were good and happy. When she was his.

He felt someone shove him roughly, and he opened his eyes angrily, glaring at the perpetrator. “Come on brother, we’re here sleepy head” Saeyoung chirped cheerfully. He made his way down the steps stretching, taking in the flashing lights of the city. He followed Saeyoung silently, through the streets, maneuvering their way to their destination.

You both had finally reached your destination, an onsen. Saeran glared at his brother angrily, “What the hell stupid brother? We past like 8 onsens that were much nicer than this dump, are you telling me that we travelled all this way for this place?”

Saeyoung looked at his brother lovingly, and hugged him. Saeran was taken aback and fought the urge to shove him away, “Just trust me brother, go to that house over there across the street, just knock on the door and I don’t know ask to borrow some sugar or something” he replied glibly, as he grabbed all the luggage and hauled them inside the beat up hotel.

Begrudgingly, Saeran did as he was told, he knocked on the door and waited for a response. He didn’t hear anything so he knocked once more becoming impatient, hating that he was the butt of his brother’s joke.

He was about to turn and leave when he heard the door slowly creak open. He looked down two see two little girls, look up at him. They were about three or four years old with shocks of red hair mopping the tops of their heads. He thought they were absolutely precious, which was surprising because he usual shied away from kids.

“Can I help you with something Mister? Our mommy said she would be right over” the girls asked simultaneously. He smirked, as he knelt down, looking at them affectionately. “You guys are twins right? I know this because me and my id- brother are twins too and when we were your age we said everything at the same time” he said with a soft grin.

“Woah really Mister? That’s so cool! Everyone here makes fun of us because we have red hair like our daddy. No one likes playing with us at the park so we always play together” the little girl said. He felt his heart clench. He knew exactly how sad it was to be ostracized and left out.

“Hey hey, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but only the coolest kids have red hair” he said winking to the girls, as the squealed. He pulled his beanie off and said, “See even I have red hair just like you guys!”

The girls were ecstatic, clapping their hands happily as they touched his hair. He felt a warm aura surround him, a happy aura on that he used to experience when he spent time with MC. He was distracted playing with the little girls on the steps of their house.

He didn’t even sense the presence standing behind him; he didn’t hear their footsteps approach. He only heard them whisper their name, “S-Saeran?” He froze, rubbing his ear because surely he must have misheard right?

He looked up at the lips that had just uttered his name. He knew those lips, he had heard so many sounds from those lips, felt them against his own. What where they doing here? He was so confused. Surely this was a dream right? There’s no way MC would be standing in front of him.

The children notice her behind him and their eyes lit up. “Mommy!” they squealed as they clung onto MC, yammering about the nice man that was playing with them. She smiled at them affectionately before looking back to stare at Saeran. Wait mommy? If they called her mommy then that would mean that I-. There is no way, absolutely not. This is not happening.

Saeran ears were filled with the sound of his blood rushing rapidly. There were so many things going through his mind right now. MC had his child, and took care of it herself? Not one but two kids, all by herself.

His face paled, and his hands began to shake. He looked at her, tears filling his eyes. He didn’t know what to do.

Saeran wai-” he heard MC call after him. He didn’t know what to do, what to think, what do say. So he did the only thing he could do. He ran.

~to be continued~


WHOOOO. HOLY SHIT THIS TOOK ME NINE HOURS TO WRITE TF. AND I DID IT IN ONE SITTING KILL ME So I just want to thank you lovely amazing people for going thru and reading this. Seriously, props because this was long af. If you read all of the fics teh DAYUM GOOD JOB SON. Let me know what you guys think about the little ficlets :D As always, thanks for reading this <3 Also I apologize, but the longer I wrote it the lazier I became, as you can tell some of the fic kinda suck in comparison to the other hehehe pls don’t kill me

  • Stacy: I'm gonna be honest: I can find something to like about pretty much every body type because like there all just different, you know? [...] 'cause like, y'know, you can look at people and it's kind of like you can like their personality...
  • Mari: ... that makes you find good things. [...] It's like when you first meet someone and you think they're okay but once you get to know them you think they're really hot.
  • Stacy: Oh, for sure, yeah.
  • Mari: Because then suddenly things look good.
  • [...]
  • Mari: In case you guys ever feel that way on a date or when you're about to have sex or WHATEVER, I want you to tell yourself this: if they didn't think you're attractive, you wouldn't be on a date with them or you wouldn't be having sex with them. [...] So everything about your body is attractive to them and if they say otherwise, they're a fucking asshole and don't hang out with them, don't have sex with them. The End.
  • Stacy: [...] I don't know if you ever had the experience of like going to sleep with somebody and like taking your clothes off and having them react negatively to your body; it sucks.
  • Mari: Um, they're the asshole.
  • Stacy: Yeah, but they're the asshole, it hasn't... If somebody is [...] that hung up about like just the way your body looks [...]
  • Mari: If they were loving it when you had your clothes [...] on and then you took your clothes off and they didn't love it anymore, guess what, they're the weirdo. [...] Them, it's them, a hundred percent, okay? Because at that point nobody should care because you're about to initiate in some sort of physical contact with somebody that hopefully you kind of like, at least a little bit.
  • Stacy: Yeah, and also I don't think there's one particular body type that's like... [...] I know everybody can have a lot of hang-ups about body types and stuff but believe me, there are so many people out there in the world, like there are people who love every type of body. [...] And there are some people that don't care at all, y'know?
  • Mari: Remember everyone, boys, girls, and in-between, non-binary, whatever: there is no such thing as leagues, there are only types. Because sometimes I get asked out by people and I have NO idea how I pulled it off, and I just go with it and it's great. So no matter [...] how somebody looks, there's no such thing as [...] leagues. Like nobody's ever "out of your league". You could find somebody that you would think is "in your league" and [...] like you're just not their type, and you could find somebody that you think is like way more attractive to you than you, but you could actually be their type. So it's not about like how you are in terms of this one to ten, like seven out of ten scale that we all have.
  • Stacy: Well yeah, cuz that [...] also makes it seem as if there's one thing or the other that is more objectively attractive, you know?
  • Mari: Yeah. Some people are genuinely attracted to certain traits. [...] Like everybody has their own things. Some people love tiny boobs, some type of people love huge boobs; some people LOVE armpits. [...] You don't need to define yourself by how attractive [sic] you think the world is towards you, just know that [...] there's no scale.
  • Stacy: And I just want to point out that like in case [...] anybody is sitting here thinking that like "Oh well, that's like great for you to say, like you have like great confidence and whatever", I don't always feel great about myself and it took me a long time to like get more okay with how I look, so [...] you don't know how people feel about themselves.
  • Mari: [...] Somebody who's really beautiful might have body dysmorphic disorder; you know.

anonymous asked:

Hi Gami what do you make of Zayn's Japan shows officially being cancelled? He also didn't turn up for his BB award and some Versus event. More and more people seem to believe the anxiety thing and that he may have 'problems' but I don't buy it. It's like OT's plan to make him flop musically has gone into overdrive. Meanwhile Harry's gonna tour his heart out and Niall & Liam do gigs and are dropping singles. Not that they're free ofc but still. Zayn has given zero concerts, that's just unreal!

There’s no question if you actually look at Zayn’s solo career that he’s being screwed over by his team.  Even if he didn’t feel up to making public appearances, there are plenty of ways to push a single or album otherwise, and his team has done none of those things.  

How much attention did Still Got Time get?  None.  And it’s a crying shame because that song was such a good summer song.  How much attention did Zayn’s acoustic version of I Don’t Wanna Live Forever get?  None.  And it’s a travesty because that version is 1000 times better than the radio song.

I kind of doubted the Japan shows would ever happen when they were first scheduled, so it’s not a huge surprise.  I had hope after they were rescheduled that they would actually happen.  It was unusual and things were looking up at the time, but things quickly took a downturn on all fronts.  

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we were getting a lot of positive Zayn and 1D interactions and chatter early in the year at the same time the concerts got rescheduled, but then the positive chatter stopped and eventually turned even more negative at the same time the concerts were cancelled and Louis was confirmed to be stuck with Syco, etc.

Every time things go up or down, it’s not only Zayn or only the other members of 1D. It’s all of them at the same time.  I’ve said it before, but I would love to know what exactly happened BTS because over and over the signs get very clear that good things are coming and then they get set back again.  I want to know how because it seems ridiculous that it’s happened so much, but it’s true.

For the Billboard Award and a few other things, I think that may be Zayn swerving on bearding/stunting more than his team sabotaging him. Remember that we only knew Zayn was supposed to be at Billboard through a picture they posted featuring Zayn’s seat picture next to Gigi’s (and Gigi’s was the only one in color while all the ones around her were black and white for some reason?).

I don’t know how Zayn and Louis are able to get shafted so badly with their music while Niall, Liam, and Harry are at least getting adequate exposure. Liam’s personal narrative is awful, but his musical one isn’t bad at all.  Louis could still be luckier than Zayn with his promo, but at the moment I’m not thinking it’s a good bet.  I could give a few reasons why 1DHQ might hate Zayn and Louis more, but that still doesn’t explain the circumstances that are restricting them more.

I trust in the boys to get where they want to go eventually.  It sucks that it’s taken so much longer than it should have already and that we have no real timeline for the future, but that’s the way it is right now.  That’s why the 1D fandom is something I keep up with right now, but I’m focusing on other fandoms as well to give me some mental distance.  I’m far too stubborn to throw the towel in when I hate Simon Cowell and 1DHQ so much at this point.

With the Most Illogical Love

Dear Spock,

I write this to you of necessity. Also, Bones is making me write it. He says that I’m going crazy. I have to say that I pretty much am. You’re making me go insane Spock. You died, and I can’t take it anymore. I’m going mad with grief. I promise that I will do anything in my power as captain to bring you back. I’ll be sitting the captain’s chair, and I’ll look over, expecting to see you at your station. But you aren’t and it’s some other science officer in your place. I don’t even know his name. I don’t care. For all I care, it could be McCoy that was working right beside me, but it wouldn’t be you. Every time that I expect to see you, and see this other guy instead, I get so angry. I want to attack him, and I think that he’s noticed. He thinks that I hate him, and I do. But I don’t. I know that that isn’t logical but it’s true. I hate him, because he’s not you. He’s got black hair, so for a split second I can think that it’s you, and I think that that moment of calm and peace fuels my anger more. But I don’t hate him either. I know that he’s doing his job, and I know that I shouldn’t hate him. I know that it isn’t god damn logical to hate him, but I almost do. I almost would rather not have a science officer here then have to watch someone else do your job.

It’s not logical, Spock. None of it is logical. I hate it. I hate how illogical it is. I hate how much I care. I hate it so much. I’m always angry. I’m always depressed. I’m always empty. I am so emotional, Spock, and I can’t turn it off. I want to lose emotion. I’d rather be totally empty then to feel all of this, and yet I don’t want to lose it. I can’t handle it anymore, but I couldn’t stand to lose it. I hardly even know what ‘it’ is, really. Emotions. Thoughts. Living. Now I’m not about to throw myself outside of the ship, but I’d be lying if the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

Don’t worry about me, though. Not that you can. You’re dead. That feels weird to say, especially because the crew skirts around it every time that it comes up. Even when it comes to who’s going down to the surface on so-and-so planet. Me, Bones, and… that random science officer that I’ve yet to learn his name. I think that he pities me, Spock. Or hates me. Both. I don’t know. I don’t even care anymore.

Speaking of skirting around subjects. Bones has been reading this over my shoulder when he gets the chance, so I’ve been avoiding the main subject that I think needs to be addressed with this. The main thing- the only thing- that I’ve been able to think about since you died to save the ship. I can’t stop, but if I keep thinking about it, I’ll collapse in on myself like a dying star. So that is why I need to tell you about this, because if I don’t say anything then I’ll actually drive myself crazy, but if I tell someone, it’ll become so much more real. So saying it to you doesn’t really count anymore does it? It doesn’t really mean anything. So I’ll probably drive myself to insanity anyway, but it should feel good to put on paper. I’m still stalling, and if you could read this you’d probably give one of those sighs that you always denied existed. Get on with it, I suppose. And yet, there’s Bones trying to read this over my shoulder, and if I say this now, then I won’t be able to go back from it. As I said, it’ll become real.

Spock. Nobody’s said your name since the funeral. You wouldn’t have liked my eulogy much. It was way too emotional. And yet, I felt it described you well. Human. Your soul is very human. And yes, I know that that isn’t logical at all. Yet that’s how you were. Or perhaps it’s the idealized version of you that I’ve practically created in my head, but it’s how I saw you and whether that was right or not is frankly completely up for grabs. I can see that I’m not the only one that’s been effected by your death. Though I can’t imagine anyone else going through the torture that I’m going through, the pain, the suffering, and the… anger.

McCoy has been telling me about the seven stages of grief. Something about if I know what to expect, it might be easier for me. It wasn’t. Shock, which I got through slower than I thought I would. It was well past your funeral before I got through it. Denial, which left a toll on me. That was the most times I’d glanced over to your station, just in case that you’d come back while I wasn’t looking. Bargaining. That was an odd one. I’ve never been a religious person. You know that. Yet, soon after I realized that you were gone, I felt that there had to be a way to get you back. I prayed every night. I thought that there must be some way. That you could be brought back to me. Guilt was one of the worst. What if. That was the beginning of practically every thought that I had during that stage. What if I’d stopped you from going? What if you’d taken a little less time? What if we’d opened the chamber? What if I’d gone instead? I felt that if I'd done something different, then you might still be alive. Anger was hard for the rest of the crew. I would lash out, as if, instead of being my fault anymore, it was theirs. That was when they pitied me. They pitied how emotionally unstable I was. How so obviously messed up I was. And when I realized how much they pitied me, I fell, almost seamlessly, into the next stage. Depression. It was so sudden, that the crew didn’t even realize how terribly I’d started the day. It wasn’t until one of the ensigns spilled their trey of food all over my shirt that they realized. Because, for the last few weeks, I’d have glared, and started yelling at him, I now just backed away, and walked out of the room. I went back to my quarters, and I stayed there until McCoy practically forced me out. Nothing improved for two weeks. I would sit in my quarters, until someone- usually Bones- would come in to force me to go eat, or go to the bridge. I say would, yet it’s still happening. That was what happened just before now, as I’m sitting in Sick Bay, and Bones is forcing me to write this. The next stage, as McCoy told me, was acceptance. Acceptance. Accepting that you died. Accepting that you’re not coming back. Accepting that it wasn’t my fault. Accepting there was nothing that I, or anyone else could’ve done about it. Accepting that life will go on. And yet, I can’t imagine how anything could get better, how I could possibly accept that you died. That you just aren't here anymore. When I told him this, he gave me that pitying smile that I’ve seen so much in the past few months. And then he told me that nobody feels like that, and once you do, that’s when you’ve already accepted your grief. That didn’t really make me feel any better. I don’t think he thought that it would. But he’d hoped. I think that I pity him. Because he thinks that I’m going to get better. He thinks that this letter will help, but I don’t think that it will. It might, but it’s not going to magically fix me like he thinks it will.

I still won’t just write it. I’m still stalling. I’ve been stalling just saying it for years now, and perhaps you’d guessed it. I don’t know. If you did, then I’m sorry. If you didn't… then I suppose that I have to write it now. Because McCoy says that I have to write my feelings, and this is how I feel. One of those many, many emotions that I can’t contain any longer. One of the emotions that keeps swirling around inside of me. With all of the accumulated shock, denial, bargaining, anger, and depression. Something that feels like hope, but softer. Something that should keep me happy, but can’t because you’re gone.

I’ve fallen in love you, Spock. I don’t feel any better having written it. I haven’t been magically fixed like every movie says you will be when you admit that you love someone. I don’t know how I feel about it. I feel scared. I’m blushing, and I think that Bones has noticed. He’s also noticed that I started crying, which I haven’t done since I truly felt the emotions that I had. I know that I said that there are emotions swirling through me, but it isn’t the same. I feel these emotions, but just the emotions themselves, and not the true feeling of them. Like eating when you have a cold, and you can feel the food in your mouth, but you can’t quite taste the full spectrum of flavor. I feel like I’ve been floating around, not quite experiencing things through my own body.

I do love you. I really do. And somehow, now that I’ve said it, it doesn’t seem to be so huge now. Like wanting a bike for your birthday so bad, but then when you get it, you find that you don’t really care for it anymore. You still like it, but it doesn’t seem like your world is going to end if you don’t get the bike. I love you, and though I accepted that a long time ago, it still seemed like the most important thing happening in my life- second only to your death- and now… while still a big part of my life, it doesn’t seem quite so important.

Did you know? I really don’t know if you knew. I don’t think you did though. You probably would’ve found the logical thing to be to tell me that you knew, and tell me- in the nicest, most professional way possible- that I didn’t have a chance in hell.

I have so much more to say, yet I can’t find the words to say them. I think that Bones knows how much I have to say, because every time I look like I’m about to stop writing, he looks at me with this really intense stare. You know how he is. Knew. I keep fluctuating from present to past tense. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to Spock. It’s been months, except I still haven’t quite gotten used to saying anything about you in past tense.

I think that I understand a bit more now why Bones made me write this. I think that he wanted- and still wants- me to realize what I’m feeling. That I’ve had so many emotions in the past months, that I can’t even sort out what I’m feeling. And that I’ve bottled it in so much that I can’t process any of it anymore. I think that he wanted me to sort it all out so that I can start that process of accepting what happened. Not that I’m anywhere close to accepting any of it yet. It still feels like a whirlpool of emotion, and I feel like I’m about to drown in it. But maybe a little bit slower.

I know that I’ve been using a lot of metaphors and flowery language in this letter thing, and you probably wouldn’t understand half of it, but it’s not as if you’re ever going to read this? I mean. You’re dead. I haven't accepted it per se, but I at least realize that it’s a fact, and that nothing I can do can change that. Just like I can’t change the fact that I’m in love with you. I practically went through the whole seven stages of grief when I first realized that I was in love with you. First came the shock. I was definitely surprised by that realization. I never really expected to fall in love with a Vulcan- however human his soul might be. The denial came soon after, trying to tell myself that I couldn’t love you. That I didn’t care for you like that. I knew that we were definitely friends, that I loved you, but not that I'd fallen in love with you. Bargaining wasn’t quite so much bargaining as, I realized that I loved you, but I was trying to get myself to fall out of love with you. It didn’t work- obviously. The more that I tried to get myself to not be in love with you, the more in love with you I fell. It sounds poetic, and not the logical thing, but it happened. Guilt felt very different too. I felt guilty that I had to put you through the hardships of friend-zoning someone. I’d been there before, and it feels terrible. It’s so awkward, and you eventually just drift away from the person. I didn’t want to make you have to do that. That feeling transferred through the rest of it all, up until I did accept it. Anger was strange. I wasn’t mad at you, not in the slightest. If anything, I was pissed at myself for letting myself fall in love with you. Like it was my fault somehow. The depression was more internalized. I know that you noticed that. You asked me if I was feeling alright. That meant so much to me, and you didn’t even realize that. I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t affect our relationship any. It wouldn’t break any part of that, because our bond was so strong that it couldn’t be torn by how I felt. I realized that I shouldn’t be down about how I felt, that I really didn’t have any way to change it, and that I shouldn’t get depressed about the fact that I’d fallen in love with someone. Falling in love sounds like such a beautiful and elegant process, but I realize now how messy it is. With every other person that I’ve fallen in love with, it was that nice feeling like you were just falling into a bed of flowers. I know that you don’t really understand, because I don’t think that you’ve ever really fallen in love. I don’t really know. Did you love T'Pring? I don’t know at all. You’ve never really talked about that at all. You didn’t even want to talk about it during Pon Farr. I could understand this, but I can’t say that I didn’t feel hurt by it. You were dying and you didn’t bother to tell me.

I never quite understood the Vulcan ways as much as I should have. You probably explained more to me than any Vulcan had told a human- other than the rare instances like your mother and father. I never quite understood how lucky I was. That you would tell me about the Pon Farr, even though it was frowned upon by Vulcan cultural standards. That I even got to know you. For all I know, there’s a chance that I could have never met you. Never have gotten to know you, and never have fallen in love with you. I- and the rest of the crew- would’ve died in your place, if not long before that. The whole crew was effected, as I said, and none as much as me.

McCoy is joking with me, and telling me that I don’t have to write a ten page paper. I know that it was a joke, but I almost feel like I’d have to write a ten page paper to completely say how I feel. I plan to start from the beginning. I plan to spill my heart out on this paper, as many pages as it takes. However much you might scoff at the blatant display of emotion, I plan to write down exactly what happened.

People say that you know when you fall in love. I don’t think that that was the case for me. There was definitely a moment in which I realized that I was in love, but I know that I’d fallen in love with you far before that. I don’t think that even Bones- who I’m guessing figured out long ago that I’d fallen for you- knew how early, or how hard I’d fallen. As I said, there was an obvious moment that I realized I’d fallen for you- and even though the denial of it came swiftly after, I still realized that what I felt for you wasn’t just friendship. That moment wasn’t too far into what was supposed to be a relaxing shore leave. That planet that produced your dreams. I never quite told anyone why I chose to stay, but I chose to stay- completely out of denial- for Ruth. I first saw her there, and I realized that I no longer felt anything. I realized that I didn’t want her anymore. I wanted you. The phase of shock barely even took an hour, and the denial hit hard. I chose to stay for Ruth, I told myself over and over again, even though I spent most of my time there with you. That’s why I seemed so off. You even asked me about it, I remember. You thought that I should head back to the ship and lie down in my quarters. You thought that I must’ve been ill, or that I’d hurt myself running away from the samurai. You never suspected that it was because I was in love. You were so kind to me. You even offered to bring me back to the ship, more concerned about my health then you were about getting some much needed rest and leisure in. You always did work yourself too hard. That was something I loved and hated about you. You were so determined- and, daresay, passionate- about your work. You always thought about your job, and about the rest of the crew before you thought about your own safety. It was my health over yours because I was the captain, and Star Fleet says to protect the captain’s life over your own.

My hands are now shaking as I write this, thinking about all of the things that made you such a beautiful soul. The things that made me fall for you in the first place, and then keep falling deeper and deeper still. I don’t think that I’ll ever quite stop loving you. Whether I do- as McCoy says I will- move on one day, and stop grieving, I will still love you. I’ll never quite let go of that hope that still lingers that you did love me. I think that’s something good out of all of this. I still have that hope. I can still hang on to that dream that you loved me, that you cared for me the way that I still care about you. While I know that most of this is completely inconceivable, I still have that hope that, had I told you, you might’ve said similarly. I never got the complete rejection, so I can never really know for sure what exactly it was that you felt for me. Whether it was a friendly affection, brotherly, or something more, I will never know. And I think that I’m at peace with that, at the very least. I think that I came to my peace with that before you die. I knew that I would never be able to pluck up the courage to tell you anything, so I came to peace with the fact that I would never know what your exact reaction would be. I’m glad that I’ve made that peace. I have one solid think amidst this tossing, and whirling sea of grief. One fact I know will never change- one that I’ve gotten peace with.

Once again, I’m sure that you’d be scoffing if you actually could read this. Not that you would be allowed to, even if you were alive. I wouldn’t let you. No offense to you, but I’m not really the kind of person who’d be likely to spill their guts out to someone, if I’m sure that they don’t feel similarly. And once again, no offense to you, but I have little faith that you’d fallen in love with me. I can’t tell you how much I wish you did- had, whatever- even if I were only to find out in the minutes before your death. I feel like that might’ve given me a bit of peace. But deep down, I know that that’s a load of bullshit. It would’ve made me angry. I would’ve wallowed in the anger and misery for not knowing how you felt until minutes before I lost you. Yet I kid myself that it would be more painful than the pain of not knowing either way- something that I’ve already blessed as a good thing. Sometimes I find the human race- myself in particular- even more illogical than you ever voiced. How illogical this letter would seem to you. I am writing to a dead man. On doctor’s orders. And I’m spewing out the most illogical things, aren’t I? Sometimes, the things that I write here barely even make sense to myself. But nevertheless I still write them. Because I’m trying to get down those raw feelings that are now bubbling up for the first time in a long time.

I feel a little bit uneasy writing this. Like a character in a horror movie might feel- but not at all. It’s an odd feeling writing to a dead man. I don’t know how to feel about it. As I sit here in Sick Bay, I know that I should feel like its familiar, but somehow I feel like I’m sitting at an old friend’s house. The feeling that I know where I am, and that there are familiar aspects to it, but there are oddly subtle things that have been changed, and that’s making it very uneasy as a whole. I’m writing to a dead man. That’s hit me hard as I write this, and I can feel McCoy’s pitying stare when he knows that I’m not looking. I think that he knows how much this has affected me. I can tell by how he looks at me when he thinks I can’t see him. He looks at me like he sort of knows how I feel, and… I do know that he pities me. Because however much he thinks that he understands what I’m going through with your death, he really does think that I’m pitiful. And I am. I spend half of my time sitting in my quarters, lying on my back, and just staring at the ceiling. I want to cry, but I can’t. It feels like I used all of my tears before I have none left to use. Used to. I’m crying now. That’s past tense. God, it feels like I don’t even understand past tense versus present tense anymore. Like my entire kindergarten year was put to waste. I can’t discern when it’s okay to say write about this and talk about you in past tense, or present tense. I don’t want to use past tense. It makes it feel final in a way that even the funeral didn’t make it. Past tense means that you’re not coming back. Past tense means you’re not here. Past tense is too final. I can’t do it in past tense, because, even though I got over that stage, it still feels like I’d be admitting defeat. Like I was saying ‘yeah, he’s dead, so what, who cares?’ And that’s not even remotely how I feel. I feel that I am going to bring you back whatever it takes, and at whatever consequence to me. I would give my own life to let you live the rest of yours in a heartbeat. And I know that’s not logical, but I don’t give a damn. Love isn’t logical. Love doesn’t make any sense to anyone. You fall in love, and you can’t help it. You fall in love with whoever your heart wants. Your heart doesn’t care if it isn’t logical. When you fall in love, you don’t care if it would take years to be with them. When you fall in love, you don’t care about your own safety, as long as they are safe. When I fell in love, I didn’t care if I had to travel to the end of the universe and back to show it, I loved you. I still love you. I can’t help falling in love with you, Spock. I can practically hear your voice, telling me how illogical human emotions are, but this one, this one isn’t human. Your dad loves your mother. You can see it. Everyone should see that. Except Vulcan’s are so god damn blinded by the fact that emotions are so ‘illogical’ and ’human’ that they can’t see that Vulcan’s can fall in love. I’m not trying to say that you fell in love with me, and I’m not trying to convince you that love is logical. Wouldn’t be trying to. I don’t know anymore. What I’m trying to say is that Vulcan’s are really hypocritical if they want to tell us humans that we can’t fall in love, when they’re doing it. Even freaking T'Pring fell in love with Stonn. How are Vulcans creatures of pure logic, if many of them do something that’s so illogical? Once again, love isn’t logical. You question- used to question- how I could possibly be so illogical. Yet you didn’t even know the most illogical thing that I’ve ever done. I fell in love with you. That’s how illogical I am. I am so illogical, that I fell in love with my first officer. I fell in love with a Vulcan. I fell in love with that human soul. I fell in love with you, Spock.

I fell in love with you. I still love you. I’m so in love with you that it physically hurt me to lose you. I will find you again. That’s what writing this letter forced me to see. I will bring you back to life at whatever cost. Because that’s what love is.

With the most illogical love,

Jim

________________________________________________

Dear Jim,

It scares me that I can’t remember some things. I want to remember. I know that I will eventually remember it all, and that it’s most likely that I just need to wait a little bit, but I am still scared. The process took me down to my roots, and, as much as I dislike saying it, I have humanity in my roots.

How do you feel? That’s what my mother wants to know. How do I feel? How do I describe how I feel? I feel scared, but I can’t tell my mother that. I feel confused, but I can’t tell my mother that. I feel many other things, but I can’t tell anyone that.

I feel fine. That’s what I told her. And yet I don’t. I feel worse than fine, and better than fine, and I don’t understand it. I am glad that I’m beginning to remember everything. I am glad that you don’t treat me any different for have losing my memory.

I was going through the ships logs and documents, in some sort of effort to remember even more of what I learned before, when I found your letter. I must say that I have a lot to write about the content in your letter. I think that the first thing that I want to say is that I did not know about your feelings toward me. Now that I know, I’m finding that much more obvious than I think that I found it before. As I said, I did not notice. I believe that the reasoning behind this was that I simply was not looking for it. I didn’t think it possible for anyone to love me, an unemotional Vulcan. You touched on this. After addressing that, a question that you asked several times throughout your letter, I find myself compelled to write my response to the rest of the letter, some of the things that were going through my head as I read it.

Are you really going mad, Jim? I struggle to understand why one would start to drive oneself insane, because of something that was done to save an entire ship. As I said, and you repeated to me back on Vulcan, the needs of the many do outweigh the needs of the few. I presume that you speak under the influence of survivor’s guilt. This is shown in many ways. You find yourself feeling guilty about someone else dying to save you. You seem to find yourself in a position where you’d rather yourself be dead than me. I want to tell you that you need not feel that, especially now that I’m alive. I wish I could go back, and tell you not to worry. Not to feel guilty. I know you probably don’t like me saying that it’s not logical to hate the science officer who replaced me, and it’s not, yet I feel a twinge of that anger myself. I do not like that he took my place. I feel an odd sort of attachment to my station, and, as you say, seeing someone else there pushes an unfortunate emotional response from me.

Please don’t throw yourself off of the ship.

About the science officer, you probably should have learned his name. It is Terry Nelson. As well as learning about everything he needed to know about things related to being a science officer, he also dabbled in psychology. So, yes, Jim, I can answer that he probably did notice everything that you were doing. I do not, however, think that he hates you for it. It’s a very strong possibility that he pities you however. That isn’t a bad thing though. He saw that you were going through a rough time, and he felt bad about that. It is a very human emotion, pity is. If it is not your fault that a person isn’t happy, then you haven’t much reason to feel bad.

Has no one really said anything about me since the funeral? That seems a little bit odd to me. It seems like talking should help. Which is why McCoy is making you write this. There was an audio file of your eulogy. You are wrong however. While it was definitely rather off putting to listen to my own eulogy, I did like it. It did fit me. And yet it didn’t. I am not an emotional person, Jim. Rather, I’m not emotional for a human. I am for a Vulcan. I suppress my emotions as much as I possibly can. It’s just what I do. One of the only times you’ve seen genuine emotions from me was from the time of the Pon Farr. While this is one of the most emotional times for Vulcans, it was almost made worse by my human heritage. Humans are innately more emotional than Vulcans are. When I thought I’d killed you, I felt terrible. I felt worse than that. I felt what you must have felt after I died, except worse, because I thought that I had been the one to kill you. When I turned around, and I saw you, and… it might not have looked it, but I lost it a little bit. You saw me smile, and that was all that I would show you. I felt so much more. Like what you describe later on in your letter. I felt happy, and yet I still had all of the guilt that I’d gotten from killing you in the first place. I think it was because I still felt bad that I had taken your life, and even though you were alive I felt that the deed that I had done hadn’t gone away, but almost that you had come back and were going to give me grief for killing you. You didn’t though. I think that that makes you special.

The seven stages of grief. It’s interesting how everyone goes through the same process with grief. The same seven general seven stages. Did the amount of time that was given between me dying, and then coming back to life give you time to accept it? Had you accepted my death before I came back to life? If I died again, soon, then would you start back over with shock? Or would you start again with depression, or acceptance, if you got there?

Stalling. I’ve always found the concept fascinatingly illogical. You know that you’re going to have to end up saying something about whatever it is anyway, and yet you try to waste time by rambling on about whatever in an attempt to not have to tell whoever it is that you’re needing to tell whatever it is. It just prolongs the awkwardness, the tension, and pain.

You fell in love with me. Jim, you might feel now that this isn’t such a big deal, and yet to me, it feels like everything. You loved me, you still love me, and I see that now. Now that I haven’t been (quite illogically) telling myself that you don’t. Didn’t. Even I seem to be confusing tenses.

I really didn’t know. If I did, you would have known, and now that I do know, I guarantee that you will know that I do. Because you have a chance. You have a million chances in hell, earth and heaven. Because I’ve fallen in love with you. It didn’t make sense at first, but I love you and I can see that now. I feel that I should write pages and pages about it, but I don’t have to, because it’s true even in the simplest form. I love you. And that’s how it is, and there’s nothing more to say. Except there’s everything left to say. But there’s no way to write it down on paper.

You understand me, and we have a mutual realization how hard it is to write down how you feel on paper. It’s easier in some senses, but impossible in others. I know how Bones is, Jim. I know. At one point, at the point that you wrote this, it technically was correct to say knew, but now I know. You don’t have to use past tense anymore. It’s okay to say that I know.

McCoy is not making me write this. I think that I find this odd that I write this of my own free will. I am not emotional. And yet, writing this, I feel myself waxing a bit poetic. I’m obviously not going to start on with saying things about ‘love being a gently blossoming flower’, because that isn’t how it works for me at all. My love for you is more like a ship crashing down to a planet. From far away, it looks almost peaceful and at ease. But up close, from a personal point of view, it’s obviously crashing and everything is in a state of panic.

You have been using metaphors and figurative language quite extensively. Yet so have I. I have understood most of them. Even the simile using having a cold and eating. I did read it, which you obviously didn’t expect, and I am now wondering how you’re going to react when you find out that I have. I’m not sure you will be angry, but I’m not even sure you remember writing this. It’s been a long time. I have abandoned this letter more times than you will know, and now it’s been about three months since I started it, which makes for around eight months since you wrote it. Ten since I died. I too, went through some of the same seven stages when I realized my love for you. For me, the shock was more shock that I'd fallen in love with you, rather than I’d fallen in love with you. It felt very natural that, if I had to fall in love with someone, that I would fall in love with you. Denial was practically the same illogical step. I could not believe that I had, once again, fallen in love with you, and I denied it with all of my will. Bargaining was less for me trying to fall out of love (as you described it) than trying to ignore the feelings that I had. To shove them down into some deep corner of my mind and never think about them ever. You describe yours as 'The more I tried to get myself to not be in love with you, the more in love with you I fell.’ While it was a different scenario, it describes what I went through rather well. The more I tried to shove down my emotions- and mind you, I wasn’t just pushing down my love, I ended up somehow figuring out that ignoring all feeling worked better- the more I felt it bubbling it up. And the more it came up, the more I tried to shove it down. It became a circle of emotion and no emotions that never ended, until the guilt set in. The guilt for me, as well as the guilt that you talked about, included the feeling of betrayal of the Vulcan species. I feel like I’ve already betrayed them by denying the position at the Science Academy, and the fact that I have fallen in love with a human man feels like betraying them even more. Vulcans are a very logical species, and while their method for choosing a mate is very illogical, the mate that they pick is quite logical. An individual who does not have a record of family illness, an individual who has good genes. Someone who can continue the family line. A man choosing another man as a mate is so illogical, it’s almost laughable. As it is, my father was frowned upon for choosing a human woman as a mate. So what would the Vulcan race think if I, someone who already chose Star Fleet over the Science Academy, who is already of human decent, chose not only a human mate, but a male one too? That guilt consumed me for a while. Until I finally confided in my mother. She told me a story that she’d been taught in history class back on Earth. Back when they were still using the Gregorian calendar, the United States of America legalized same-sex marriage in all states on July 26th of 2015. She told me that for years before that there were individual states that were legalizing it one by one, and same-sex couples and other people supporting the legislature in other states were fighting for their rights. My mother told me that there were some states that frowned deeply upon same-sex couples, and instead of just not having a law that legalized marriage, they chose to go further and ban it all together. And still there were people in those states that wanted to get married. Here my mother finally got to her point. She said that even though the majority of people in these states had deep-seated homophobia, there were still many people who flaunted their same-sex partners in public. People would taunt them, some would even go as far as attacking them, even killing them, and yet still people would go out and tell the world that they had their rights, and they were going to stand by that until someone did something about it, and it would be made legal for them to marry their partner. Even though society told them that what they were doing was wrong, they did it anyway, and- as my mother quite eloquently put it- gave a big 'screw you’ to society. While I still wallowed in my guilt for a few more days, it was still my mother’s story that pulled me out of it. I believe that my anger might have blended together with guilt for I skipped right over that I could go straight into depression, which wasn’t really depression for me, but rather wallowing in my own self-pity. It was very much internalized, just as yours was, and likewise, it was the same logic that dragged me out of mine that got you out of yours. Why should I feel bad about something that I couldn’t help? Something that happens, and people- for the most part- view as a good thing? That’s how I rid myself of that self-pity that held me down for longer than it should have. Falling in love with someone, you say, sounds beautiful and elegant, and it does. Except on Vulcan, it almost has negative connotations. Emotional connotations. If I were to go back to Vulcan, and tell everyone that I’d fallen in love, I would be at risk of the same 'experiments’ that happened back when I was a child. A 'logical’ reason for bullying me, really. A name that covered up their teasing. They wanted to see how hard they had to push me for me to give an emotional response. They made fun of me. It took to them making fun of my mother for me to give them the emotional response that they wanted so much from me, and they didn’t bully me after that. There wasn’t a logical reason. Now, if I tell them that I’ve fallen in love, there would be that same 'logical’ reason to bully me. To elicit an emotional response. They could repeat the experiments that they conducted as a child. I am now an adult. Adult humans are less emotional, and less compulsive than children. If I went back and told them that I’d fallen in love, it would remind them that I was the child who stands out on Vulcan and Earth, and now the adult who is in Star fleet because I have no true home. If I went back to Vulcan right now, and told them that I’d fallen in love, then that would be the final proof that I don’t belong on Vulcan. You discuss later that my father fell in love with my mother, and I realize that. I see that. But none on Vulcan see that. They all feel that that isn’t something that we can talk about. Many Vulcan’s actively say that they are so unemotional that they don’t fall in love. Jim, I love you and sometimes I want to tell everyone that, but I don’t because, however illogical this sounds, I am stricken by how illogically logical it is. Peer pressure. That’s what it is. It’s so illogical, but I can’t help but to bend to it. I want to tell my father, but I feel like he would be disappointed. Even though I know that he wouldn’t be. Because he fell in love with a human, just like I did. And I know that it’s okay. And I know that he knows that it’s okay. But there’s such a disconnect between he and I that I can’t bring myself to tell him like I did with my mother.

You understand Vulcan ways more than you should. I tell you more than I really should have. As you said, I probably have told you more than any other Vulcan has told other people. You saw how T'Pau reacted when I told her that you and McCoy were my friends. She made me vouch for your behavior and she still didn’t trust you. She didn’t like that you were human. I told you about it because you were my friend. My T'hy'la. That was something that I don’t regret.

Even though you didn’t write ten pages, I feel that six sufficed. While there were only six pages of writing, there was so much more that was put into, emotionally, that I was able to derive from what you wrote. Like I said previously, sometimes you don’t need to write pages upon pages to explain how you feel. Sometimes saying that you love a person just takes three words. Sometimes it just takes a glance. Sometimes it takes a person’s mere presence to tell someone that they love them.

You’re not alone in not knowing when you fell in love. I don’t know either. Again, as with you, I remember when I realized that I fell in love with you. For me, it was when I, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott were trapped on the New Paris colony. I thought that I was going to die down there, and that was when I realized that I had to get back. That I had to get back to you. And that’s why I pulled the stunt about expending all of the fuel as a sort of flare. That’s the emotional outburst that happened. It wasn’t fear of death like everyone assumed it was, it was fear of not being able to see you again. You asked me why I did it, and I was planning to tell the truth, but then I didn’t. I didn't lie, but I just said that it was logical, and looking back, it was. Had I not done it, we would have died for sure. If I had, then we had a slight chance of living. A slight chance of seeing you again. I have to say that I cannot remember asking you if you were okay. The thing is, that I have asked you so many times if you are okay, that that time must not have made much of an impression. Jim, you are not a careful person. You get into trouble way more than any other Star Fleet officer, and I can’t say that I approve. I don’t want you getting into more trouble than you can handle. I work myself too hard? Do I really? I don’t really notice. I always tried- and still try- my best. I am determined. And I am passionate about my work. If I were not, I would’ve taken the job at the Science Academy, and I would’ve never applied to Star Fleet. It does not offend me when you speak of the more human side of me as much as I let on. I do hold your health over mine, but for more reasons than you state. It is because you are the captain, and Star Fleet does say to protect the life of your captain over your own, but that is not the only reason. For one, I feel that you get into more trouble than I do, and because of that, I not only consider the possibility that you might’ve gotten hurt on a mission, I practically assume that you have gotten hurt. I also feel that you are a better individual than I am. I feel that, given the choice of you living, or me, I would choose you simply because you are a good person. I did that once already, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I fell in love with you, and that holds your life over mine more than rules and regulations could. I would- and in fact, regularly do- break numerous Star Fleet regulations for you. I should care, but I don’t. Because I love you.

I do not understand people who marry someone, claim that they are their soulmate, and then have relations with somebody else. Whether they are cheating on the person, or the person is long dead, I do not understand someone who could just move on if they already have, or had, a supposed 'soulmate’. I will love you until the end of all days, because you are my T'hy'la. I do love you, Jim. You expected rejection from me, had you told me your feelings. I did too. That’s one of the reasons that I did not tell you when I got back from the New Paris colony. I thought that you would reject me, completely disgusted with me. I thought that you would hate me, and reject me right there on the bridge, and I couldn’t take that. I feel a friendly affection. I feel a brotherly affection. And I do feel that something more. You will learn. I plan to tell you this. I plan to give this letter to you. I plan. I planned to tell you after coming back from the New Paris colony. So I don’t know for sure if it will happen. There’s more of a chance now because I know now how you feel. Because I don’t believe that you would trick me with something like this. Because I could feel the emotion that you put into your own letter.

I have not scoffed once while reading your letter. I’m sorry that I’ve read it. It really does feel like a major invasion of your privacy, and I apologize for that. I don’t take any offence to you thinking that I hadn’t fallen in love with you, because that’s what I wanted to you think. I wanted you to think that I had a simple friendly, or brotherly bond to you, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. I think that it’s good thing that you didn’t know, just to find out my feelings mere minutes before I died. It would, as you say, tear you apart. You would wonder what would’ve happened had you told me months, or years before then. You are writing to a dead man, but it isn’t as illogical as you might think. I think that I would probably do the same were our roles reversed. The things that you are writing would probably be considered illogical by the average Vulcan. But I am not the average Vulcan. To me, every word that you write makes sense. I can understand how you feel, even if it’s just in the most primitive way possible. It makes sense in the way that falling in love makes sense. You feel the emotions, and yet you don’t understand them at all. You don’t understand how it makes sense, but you feel that it does, somehow. And honestly, the average Vulcan would probably think that the things that I am writing are very illogical too.

I do not, however understand how you might feel like a character in a horror movie. I understand how you might feel odd writing to someone that you presume to be dead, but feeling like you were in a horror film does not make sense to me. Is it that you simply felt uneasy writing it, so you felt that that was the best way to describe that uneasiness? Or is it more than that? Something about how you feel something supernatural about writing to a dead man? What is it, precisely, that makes you feel so uneasy about writing to me? It is something that McCoy felt was necessary to your sanity, and I feel the same way. Had you not written to me, then you probably would have buried how you felt, and never expressed your feelings, bottling it all up like I tried to do. Nothing would have been worse than that. Jim, I don’t know how you would have reacted to bottling it up like that, because it certainly didn’t work for me. It felt like I was going to explode, and I had had experience bottling up major emotions before. I touched on how the other Vulcan kids- the pure Vulcan kids, as they liked to remind me- would do 'experiments’ on how much it took to get an emotional outburst from me. I had to bottle up so much of that feeling- the anger that they caused me, and even after that, I still broke when it came to keeping this in. I couldn’t handle this one pure emotion, even when I spent a lot of my childhood keeping all of that rage and frustration inside. I did eventually break then, but it isn’t something that I like to think about a lot. I could tell that my father was disappointed, even though he didn’t show it. My mother was angry when she found out for certain that the other kids were teasing me. She’d guessed that they were long before, but the conclusive proof really made her mad. I remember she told me that it was okay- it was good even- to have emotions, but that I couldn’t let those emotions control me. I kept those words with me for a very long time. I still think about that every so often. It became a mantra of sorts for me when I was dealing with suppressing the love that I finally admitted that I felt for you. Don’t let your emotions control you, Spock. You can feel what you feel, but don’t let that get the better of you. Returning now to something that you say, about how it’s hit you hard that I died, I can feel the same about that. Reading your letter really cemented it for me that I had died. I didn’t really have much physically proof that I had, and reading you letter was a realization that I wasn’t the only one that was affected by my death. Because nothing had changed when I came back, I barely realized that anybody else’s whole world was turned upside down. But then I read your letter. And it came to my attention that you were affected just as much as I was, even if it was in a different way. I see that your whole life changed completely. You say that you spent your days lying in your quarters, feeling nothing, but having so many emotions, and I can understand how that feels. It’s hard. It’s exactly how you describe. Feeling the food in your mouth, but not being able to taste it. I’ll take it one step further and say that it’s like eating bad food when you have a cold. You wish that you were able to taste, but you’re also kind of glad that you can’t. You say that love isn’t logical. And it isn’t. Except the feeling of love feels very logical. It feels right. And now I know how illogical you are, and it makes me happy. I feel great.

I fell in love with you, and I am still in love with you. We have found each other, and that means a lot in this world. This letter has made me realize that I need to tell you. I need to give you this letter. I need to be with you. Because that’s what love is.

With the most logical love,

Spock

This is so heartfelt, I’m stunned. Hats off to you khoshekh42

(Submitted by @khoshekh42)

anonymous asked:

So Bakugou and Todoroki's hero names didn't get decided early on I think because they're each gonna get their own little mini arcs that get em to decide them, but I kinda wanted to know your opinion on what they might end up being? 'Course they'll probably be derived from future plot that we don't know right now, but I wanted to ask anyway!

!!!! I’ve never really thought about Todoroki’s, tbh? So I have no clue, honest, but as far as Bakugou goes I’ll keep on holding onto Ground Zero until Horikoshi officially and unequivocally tells me he 100% definitely scrapped it, my friend - it’s such a cool name??? I read it and I nearly cried when I realized that probably it’s not gonna be his actual hero name rip

Anon said: You need to draw Bok.uro more (i love them so much,(you to of course)

I’m sure you didn’t mean anything bad by this ask anon, but as I’ve said more than once I really, really don’t like the word need. I don’t need to do anything, no one’s paying me for this. When I’ll want to draw more bokro it’ll for sure happen, so don’t worry about that~

Keep reading

pxiao  asked:

Top five Fruitshipping moments. Cause I want to see a good show don't tell relationship and we have plenty of moments to fill a large variety of these lists.

Oh god just 5??? Okay I got this be still my heart

5. Episode 2, Yuzu and Yuya’s action duel

Okay I know this is pretty early in the series and it can be seen as platonic, but you get so much character from this scene and grounds of a solid friendship between them. Like:

Yuzu’s getting shit because she was rude to Yuya like some of the fandom does to her lol but instead she just goes with it.

Like at this point of the story we now know both Yuya and Yuzu are entertainers, and now we get to see them doing what they love together and how they work off each other.

Not to mention this scene is funny as hell. Like wow it’s just showing us two cuties performing together (granted it’s not perfect because Yuya’s in funk atm) and I already fell for their dynamic at this point and its only ep 2. 

ALSO they fucking used Plain Plain (where this duel took place) in episode 141 to rip my god damn heart out and to show this duel had meaning and we should realize that we’re missing Yuzu.

4. Yuya is PISSED/cry baby (eps 50 + 51)

At this point in the show we’ve gotten a good basis on their relationship. Yuya and Yuzu are childhood friends with the same goal and they inspire each other to become stronger. Pretty standard and honestly nothing new.

And then they get separated.

Like I did NOT expected them to act the way they did when this happened (at least Yuya because when has a main protag ever cared that much for the female protag minus Anzu from season 0)

I am 98% sure that this is the first time Yuya has cried openly to people without his goggles AND ITS CAUSE OF YUZU. This boy has hidden his emotions about his dad, his bullying, and pendulum summoning but Yuzu’s apparent capture is what got Yuya to finally show his sadness and not cover them with jokes and his goggles.

Yuya as we know, when he’s not berserker, is a pacifist but he’s going out of character because he’s so mentally distraught and sad. Like the only person I would get like that for is my twin so to me this speaks volumes since Yuya values Yuzu’s well being over his own values.  

And then in Yugioh it’s a known thing that the female protags most times stay on the side line and cheer on the main protag AND THEYRE ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGING IT AND IT’S SUPER IMPORTANT TO YUYA. Like apparently Yuma’s says something similar to Kotori near the end of Zexal but I’m not there yet but like this is ep 50 compared to 140-something.

Looking back this is super important. Like when Zarc got revived he stated he was surprised/thrilled that there was more to Pendulum Summoning than he first thought (combining all the three methods w/ it) and the reason Yuya was able to do it was because of Yuzu. He was able to go beyond Zarc’s expectations and plans BECAUSE OF YUZU.

God when has a main protag screamed out a female protags name like that before in yugioh??? 

Yuzu is also a cry baby three episodes down the line.

3. Yuzu saves Yuya from Zarc

It speaks volumes when nearly all your friends (including your bff THE MAN Gonzengaka) can’t save from Satan, but the moment you say one sentence to you, you regain some control.

Like god, I love their relationship. Zarc and Ray are literally trying to destroy the other but these two can break through their previous lives soul’s to communicate with one another cause of how god damn much they mean to each other.

Listen if you go across DIMENSIONS to get save someone in Yugioh YOU KNOW your ship is real (Spiritshipping and Keyshipping being the other prime examples). But like in my fruitshipping video (which ya’ll should watch) this moment is when I used the lyrics ‘no distance can ever keep us apart’ because WOW dimensions AND demonic/angelic possessions isn’t enough sever the bond between these two.

Also my otp tag.

2. Yuya summons Odd-Eyes Raging Dragon

Lowkey this moment is up so high because Yuya’s just fucking amazing in this scene. Like Zarc’s influence is getting stronger but like LIST OF THINGS THAT HAVE CAUSED YUYA SO GO BERSERKER 

-Ep 39 with Zarc’s trigger words and Yuya didn’t even remember it

-Yuto’s memories of being attacked the Academia 

-Being electrocuted in the god damn brain

-Being in the same area as all four boys that causes a hole to open in the sky

-Creepy old guys touching Yuzu

Like one of these things is not like the other lol

Seriously though, the others are near close to psychological torture and PTSD but someone touching Yuzu inappropriately invokes the same amount of rage from Yuya. THATS A HUGE ASS COMPARISON. Also the scene was gorgeous god damn.

1. Yuzu inspires Yuya during Friendship Cup

Okay this moment…THIS is when Fruitshipping went from a casual ship to god damn otp for me.

So for the past couple eps, Yuya has been feeling like shit (ground facility, losing Jack, missing Yuzu), of course Yuzu doesn’t know some of bad shit that’s going on, but goddamit the citrus is going to show the tomato that she’s okay.

Like dueling for other people is nothing new to yugioh but holy SHIT

Of course Yuzu doesn’t know the cost of losing, but all she wants to do is make Yuya feel at ease (which the poor boy hasn’t felt in so long fuck)

Yuzu hasn’t spoken to Yuya this entire arc but she knows how he’s feeling right now. She knows Yuya. This just furthers the belief that they’ve known each other for so god damn long and are ‘irreplaceable’ to one another.

Look at how goddamn surprised he is. Like instead of worrying about herself, she’s worried about him?? Granted this might have to do with Yuya’s self worth issues And as the duel goes on, it’s not just her feelings she trying to convey to Yuya (hot-blooded and shivers). Instead of ‘oh look it’s your love-interest’s feelings’ she shows that everyone from back in Standard are also with Yuya.

ALSO THEY PLAYED YUYA’S THEME DURING THIS GOD. EVEN THE OST’S ARE SHOWING US THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

LOOK AT HOW GOD DAMN HAPPY HE IS. LIKE WHEN HAS THIS BOY EVER CRIED FROM JOY SO FAR IN THIS SHOW. THIS IS DEVELOPMENT THAT HE SHOULDN’T HIDE HIS EMOTIONS AND SHOULD EMBRACE THEM AHH.

Just…fuck me. 

okay, so I want to talk about this shot from the 3x15 promo for a quick second because I had some thoughts on it

so one reason for ed doing this is that he wants to take credit for killing oswald.
(firstly let me say real quick that I know oswald isn’t dead, but ed believes he is. here’s an ask I answered on why we know oswald is alive). 

now I still firmly believe that ed doesn’t want to be the king of gotham, I just don’t think it’ll interest him. an audience to see his work, maybe, but an empire to run? no. however, there’s still a lot he can gain for taking credit.

1) it gives him some standing in the criminal world. oswald was able to become king because he made falcone go into hiding, manipulated the events that led to maroni’s death, and killed fish. I know, I said ed doesn’t want to be king, but having credit in the criminal world means he’ll be taken seriously and has made a huge impact already to build upon.

2) his part of the deal with babs and that was to help her rise to the top and become queen, that standing he’ll gain from having killed the king in the criminal world can only help with that

and there’s many other reasons I’m sure as to why ed would want to take credit for killing oswald, however, there’s another option that I like to lean towards and it could work perfectly well in conjunction with everything said so far

I like to think that he left the ? on the painting because he feels guilty about killing oswald and at least some small part of him wants to be caught/punished for it.

okay, let me explain

so back in 2x07, after killing kristen, when ed wakes up hallucination/dark ed says to him “You probably have half a mind to turn yourself in.”

okay, sure, he didn’t mean to kill kristen so it is slightly different, but the point stands that he felt guilty after doing it and wanted to turn himself in. most likely because kristen never did anything wrong (whereas someone like dougherty was an abuser and even beat up ed, and with people like the man who came across kristen’s grave, ed didn’t know them personally so most likely felt no real guilt because “it had to be done”)

skip forward to 2x17 where ed finally gets caught. the only (or major) reason why he gets caught is because he becomes paranoid and decides to go after jim because he believes jim is onto him. we add the fact that he jumped to conclusions and gave them everything they needed to convict him (kristen’s body, his confession, etc) with his guilt immediately after killing kristen, it suggests that a small part of him still wanted to be caught by 2x17 despite him seemingly accepting who he was becoming (and what he’d done)

so ed is no stranger to guilt, especially when it comes to hurting people he loves

  • he felt guilty over killing kristen (we also know this because he straight up tells isabella as much)
  • if he’d killed isabella he most likely would have felt guilty over that, and in a way he probably feels guilty because she essentially died for being in love/in a relationship with him
  • the stuff in 2x17 could suggest that he also wanted to be stopped so he didn’t have to kill jim but I fully accept that maybe that’s my shipper heart talking so hey

anyway, ed most likely felt guilty about killing kristen because he thought he was in love with her and she meant something to him. 

if we include the middle bullet point, he feels guilty for the same reasons, he thought/thinks he loves isabella and she meant something to him, she was also his second (and perhaps first real) chance at being happy in this mind anyway

and if we do include the last bullet point, jim was one of the few people who was nice to him at the gcpd, they were friends, there’s no denying that.

seeing a pattern? these were all people who meant something to ed, treated him nicely, and/or people he loved

even if we step away from nygmobblepot as a romantic ship and just look at them as friends, these things still apply.

  • oswald was at the very least ed’s best friend, that’s a pretty big thing and even just suggests how close they were (especially in the moments we didn’t see)
  • factoring in that oswald can be blunt, he was never really purposely cruel to ed
  • whether it’s romantically or platonically or whatever I have no doubt that ed loved oswald in some way, shape, or form

all of that that added with the fact that ed clearly regrets and feels guilty about killing oswald immediately after shooting him (feel free to read my meta/analysis about that here) it suggests to me that ed, on some level, is going to feel guilty enough to even consider handing himself him

I’m not saying he’s going to be conscious of this, I don’t think he was concious of the fact he was essentially handing himself over in 2x17 when he got himself caught, but whether it’s conscious or not I’m choosing to believe that the question mark on the painting is because a part of him, no matter how small, and no matter how aware of it he is, wants to be caught and punished for what he’s done

also this still stands whether you see nygmobblepot as romantic or not, they were close and have a bond, one that can’t easily be broken, and one I think is never going to sever completely. they, as a pair, are so intertwined at this point that it doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or not because that connection they have is already so strong that there’s no way that ed doesn’t feel guilty, and only serves to back up the idea that some part of him, no matter how small, will want to be punished

it also adds strength to me, that one day, at some point, ed and oswald will come back together and slowly make it back on to good terms

moreroads  asked:

Soooo, hi Haley. I'm new to Rooster Teeth through Camp Camp. What would be your suggestion for how to best go about watching the rest of RT?

Good question! First things first, there’s fifteen years worth of RT content out there, so do NOT go into it expecting to be able to watch it all at once, or even watch all of it ever. But the good news about that is that while you might not be able to watch ALL the content, there’s PLENTY to choose from and plenty of different things to enjoy.

First off, what kind of content interests you? Do you like Lets Plays? I’d try Achievement Hunter or any of the others in the Lets Play family (though I have some bias considering AH is the only one I watch consistently.) But I’ve watch some Demo Disk from Funhaus and that’s a lot of fun. I’ve seen some Cow Chop and heard good things about SP7, too.

There’s also other cartoons that RT has put out like Xray and Vav or Sex Swing (though they are cartoons centered around AH in-jokes and Funhaus in-jokes, but I still think they’d be fun if you went in blind). 

And of course, Red vs Blue is a great show and it’s what got RT off the ground as a company. Even if you don’t play Halo, you can still enjoy it (trust me, I was worried going in I wouldn’t get it because I don’t play much of Halo, but it’s all pretty much their version of a fanfic within the Halo-verse so you should be fine). Each season of RvB is about the length of a movie so it’s not as long of a watch as you’d think. However, you CANNOT skip the mini-series if you choose to watch, they are part of the plot. Usually. There’s some you could skip, but why would you want to when they’re so fun?

If you like anime, then RWBY’s a good bet, too. Just….avoid the fanbase, it’s about as good as any other anime-based fandoms out there. Ugh.

I’m also a huge fan of the Ten/Eleven Little Roosters series, though Ten was definitely superior in my book. If you’re into murder mysteries, you might like it.

If you have a FIRST membership, I’d definitely check out Backwardz Compatible, which has Miles Luna and his pal Kyle Taylor playing games that make them either rage or scream in fear. It’s great.

Or Theater Mode, which is just Mystery Science Theater: Achievement Hunter edition, and even when the movies are AWFUL, it’s funny to watch the boys suffer as they trudge through it.

On the Spot is RT’s official game show where everyone finds a way to break Jon Risinger’s spirit and happiness. Usually while drunk. It’s incredible. Some of my absolute favorite episode are the ones with Jeremy Dooley, or the No Swear Words episode.

Strangerhood is also a thing but….I can’t describe it. It’s just…an experience.

And there’s plenty of other content out there to choose from, this is just my own list of faves.