just decks

…im on a boat in the middle of the fucking ocean rn way offshore and its getting dark and my cousin who owns the boat and took me for a ride on it just said “its too dark to go back to shore” goodby e

bisexual-chiaki  asked:

Thank you so much for the headcanons they really good! I'd like to request more headcannons for ocean man where his crush is continually harrassed and flirted with by steely dan when kakyoin and polnareff are still fighting the lovers

- Jotaro is incredibly protective over people he cares about, and he doesn’t form crushes or attachments easily. The rest of the Crusaders - and Holly, of course - are the most important people to him, and he does not want to endanger them any further. 
- So it absolutely sucks that he can’t literally just fucking deck Steely Dan, and risk getting Joseph hurt. 
- I mean, the guy’s pissing him off already what with the making him be a bridge and making him steal and everything else. 
- But an attack on his s/o? And not even a physical attack, but flirting with them in front of him? Harassing them when they can’t answer back either for fear of Joseph getting hurt? Jotaro is going to be pissed. 
- He’s quick-tempered and jealous at the best of times. Steely Dan, of course, will think it’s hilarious to watch Jotaro get so riled up and might even amp up his flirting. 
- Basically, when things are fixed, he’s hecking fucked

so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again.
and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.

BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.

i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…

you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist

Hello everyone, it is friday and I would like to share this small section of a drawing that contains a friendly bee who is sunbathing

thank you xox

on the set of Beat Bobby Flay

blobber looks at me and asks, “chef, what’s your signature dish?”

i take a deep breath and holler, “knucklesandwich!” and i just deck him in the mouth. he goes down hard. the studio audience screams in celebration. alex guarnaschelli stands and shakes my hand.

i look into the camera and kiss my knuckles. “i just beat bobby flay.”

some more los muertos symmetra to go with my other post bc everyone liked that so much!! (and also bc i love it too..) 

they totally stole hard light tech from vishkar and developed a prosthetic that can use it for satya together 

Best Pun Ever

Mallory and Mark Kensington were two star struck lovers who had been married for 12 years. Mallory was a commercial airline pilot and Mark was the captain of a nuclear submarine. They were both very responsible with their money, lived simply, had no children, and no vices. The only exception to their frugality was their dog Max whom they doted on at every possible occasion. Unfortunately for Max, fate had terrible plans in store for him. One dark August day, Mallory and Mark were both at their respective jobs and in a cruel twist of fate suffered major mechanical failures at the same time. In a million to one oddity, they both perished in the astonishing first-of-its-kind airplane/submarine accident.

Keep reading

this is a story about a sorcerer and a knight. well, a knight-in-training. they go by KiT, a nickname for their title, but a perfectly good name for anyone. kit’s a good squire, for the most part, but they have a knack for getting into trouble.

this time the trouble is they just fuckin decked another knight in the middle of the tavern.

“keep your hands off my friend,” kit tells the shocked personification of grossness, now sitting on his ass on the ground. kit’s pretty sure the message was already sent though the ass-kicking, but it doesn’t hurt to be thorough.

the man splutters for a minute before finding his tongue. “you— you— you piece of shit, you’ll pay for this. i have powerful friends.”

“bring it on,” kit retorts. they’re feeling pretty confident right now.

they’re feeling significantly less confident as two other men step up behind the first guy.

“outside,” the first growls.

“we’re zit and wedge, and we’re going to kick your ass,” the second one clarifies. 

zit nods. “but we don’t want to make a mess of you on mal’s floor, since it was just scrubbed and all.”

kit glances at mal, who they rather thought was a friend, to find her nodding appreciatively. “brawlers these days are so polite. out you three go.”

kit wilts. “but… there’s just one of me.”

it’s around this time, when the two other guys are starting to crack their knuckles and look like they’re going to drag kit outside whether they like it or not, that someone else pushes their way through the small crowd that’s forming.

“’scuse me, pardon me. hello. what’s going on here?”

she’s got bright blue hair, of the kind that you get from mucking around with magic too much. everyone immediately reassesses the situation, and watches her warily. a sorcerer can quickly change the way a brawl plays out, if they feel like intervening. kit sincerely hopes she does.

“miss,” zit jumps in before kit can get a word in, “this young… person, here, just brutally attacked my poor friend, and me and wedge think we ought to be able to teach them a lesson in manners.”

the sorcerer studies him for a moment, as if considering his statement, and kit grabs their chance.

“pimple here is completely leaving out the fact that their friend wouldn’t leave my friend alone, after she asked him to go away twice!”

zit bristles, and looks to the sorcerer for her judgment.

she considers for while. “can anyone vouch for this knight’s statement?”

“i was the one getting hit on!” tea shouts from behind kit’s shoulder.

the sorcerer digests the witness’s statement. “hm. i’m inclined to see this as a case of self-defense, through the channel of someone who was not the self being hit on. i would suggest that all the parties involved accept the ruling of “he who gets their ass kicked probably deserves it”, and move on.”

“fat chance,” wedge growls. “the pack sticks together. we have to defend our leader.”

werewolves, kit sighs internally. it just figured.

there’s a dramatic pause, then the sorcerer says cooly, “you try it, and you’ll get your asses kicked too.”

zit and wedge eye her warily. kit eyes all three of them, which is hard with only two eyes.

“i reckon we could take a sorcerer,” wedge hypothesizes— an idea that would be quickly proven false in any laboratory experiment.

but this is a tavern, and the sorcerer has a delayed reaction, only raising her hands when zit charges at her. kit flinches back, sure she’s about to be crushed, but the next moment flames explode in the small space between the sorcerer and zit. there’s a yelp, and mad scrambling back from the sorcerer.

“i have nowhere to be until book club at midnight,” the sorcerer informs them calmly, her hands still out, palms up and ready to summon more flame. kit squints at them. “so i have plenty of time to teach you a lesson.”

apparently rescinding their hypothesis, all three werewolves make a mad dash for the door and disappear into the night.

the sorcerer smiles victoriously, and shakes her bright hair out of her face. kit squints at her scalp as she turns to them. “all good?”

“yes, thank you,” tea says, sounding impressed. “wow… a fire summoner. i didn’t know there were any teenagers powerful enough.”

kit has no other specific places to squint, so they just stare hard at the sorcerer’s face. “yeah… thanks. that was really cool.”

she waves their thanks off with one hand, a few strands of smoke issuing from her sleeves. “all in a day’s work. i’ll be off now.”

kit leaves tea with mal, though they frankly no longer trust her so much, and follows the sorcerer out the door. “hey, wait! you, blue hair magic person. what are you?”

“a masked vigilante,” she says, after a pause. “without the mask, because magic.”

kit blinks at that, before realizing she’s perfectly right. besides the definite ideas that she’s female and blue-haired, kit seems to forget what she looks like one moment to the next. kinda neat, honestly, though disconcerting.

they shake their head. “no, i mean… you’re not a sorcerer. i’ve seen people summon fire, and it comes from a loosely closed fist, not an open hand. also, your hair is dyed, not magically changed.”

she doesn’t answer for a moment, then looks stumped, and continues to not answer.

“well?” kit asks.

“fine,” she admits. “i’m a sorcerer in training, but the fake mask is about the most complicated magic i can do. the hair is so people will take me seriously when i do masked vigilante stuff.”

“and the fire?” kit persists.

after a moment, she shakes out her sleeve, sending a tiny purple dragon tumbling into her other hand. “my helper. my fire aid, if you will. you’re the first person to notice, you know?”

“just logic and being awesome,” kit says with a shrug, feeling pleased. neither are skills they get to show off a lot. they kinda feel like they’ve earned something for it. “hey, can i ask you a question?”

after a pause, the sorcerer in training says, “go for it.”

“why do you wait a second before responding to anything?”

their question is punctuated by a pause before she answers.

then the sorcerer motions kit closer, and tucks her hair behind her ears. the knight-in-training leans in, gaping. there’s a green dragon no longer than the length of one finger perched behind her ear, claws holding onto her piercings for balance. it unwedges one tiny wing to wave at them.

“what the fuck,” kit says, unable to find a reason for this from logic or being awesome.

“what the fuck,” the dragon repeats, pushing its snoot practically inside the sorcerer’s ear.

“this is peep,” she says. “my hearing is shit, so it helps me out. i call it my hearing aid.”

the draconian hearing aid preens under the knight-in-training’s stare.

“shit,” kit mumbles, for lack of better words.

“shit!” the dragon crows, gleefully.

i’ll never understand why midoriya is described as “plain” or “average-looking” or “unattractive”

it’s like

are we even looking at the same person?

his eyes are so passionate

look at him!

he’s so cute like c’mon

he’s so expressive and beautiful and i’m so confused

how anyone can possible think of him as unattractive?

he’s so frigging cool

and this is only a small fraction of all the amazing moments he has

i’m just in awe at how amazing and attractive and enjoyable he is

he’s encouraging and amazingly strong both mentally and physically

how on earth can anyone call him “plain-looking” when he’s so beautiful?

Imagine an entire Star Trek show about a group of people who aren’t members of the bridge crew or one of the higher ups, and each week it’s them trying to do their job while crazy shit happens that they don’t really understand, like:

  • They get an announcement from their superior officers that goes “You may notice a child walking around the ship in a captain’s uniform. That is in fact the captain and is to be treated the same as always. We’re quickly working on a solution.”
  • A transporter mishaps causes the chief engineer to turn into a vulcan. They try not to stare at the ears, and move on.
  • Shots of them reacting to superior officers running through the background in the midsts of a red alert that they don’t know what it’s in response to.
  • “Did you hear the away team landed on planet that had five years pass before they got them back?” “Man, I’m glad I got skipped over for that assignment.”
  • Trying to figure out if the rumor that their commander got kidnapped by an alien race that considers them their god is true or just something made up by a bridge crewman to mess with them.
  • Popping in and out of existence and taking bets on which All Powerful race it is that’s doing it and why.
  • anytime Weird Shit happens on the ship it’s never explained. why are there chickens in the Jeffrey Tubes? why does the captain have a double? why did the chief medical examiner briefly turn homicidal? they don’t know and neither do you.
  • Each episode ends with them pouring one out for the crewmembers who died that week.