just before i go to london

‘Learning Russian has given me a whole new life’ Mary Hobson: It took me about two years [to read War and Peace]. I read it like a poem, a sentence at a time. English writer and translator Mary Hobson decided to learn Russian at the age of 56, graduating in her sixties and completing a PhD aged 74. Now fluent in Russian, Hobson has translated “Eugene Onegin” and other poems by Pushkin, “Woe from Wit” by Griboyedov, and has won the Griboyedov Prize and Pushkin Medal for her work. RBTH visited Hobson at home in London to ask about her inspiring experience. 

RBTH: Learning Russian is difficult at any age, and you were 56. How did the idea first come to your mind? 

 Mary Hobson: I was having a foot operation, and I had to stay in bed for two weeks in hospital. My daughter Emma brought me a big fat translation of War and Peace. “Mum, you’ll never get a better chance to read it”, she said. I’d never read Russian literature before. I got absolutely hooked on it, I just got so absorbed! I read like a starving man eats. The paperback didn’t have maps of the battle of Borodino, I was making maps trying to understand what was happening. This was the best novel ever written. Tolstoy creates the whole world, and while you read it, you believe in it. I woke up in the hospital three days after I finished reading and suddenly realized: “I haven’t read it at all. I’ve read a translation. I would have to learn Russian.” 

RBTH: Did you read War and Peace in the original language eventually? 

M.H.: Yes, it was the first thing I read in Russian. I bought a fat Russian dictionary and off I went. It took me about two years. I read it like a poem, a sentence at a time. I learned such a lot, I still remember where I first found some words. “Between,” for instance. About a third of the way down the page. 

RBTH: Do you remember your first steps in learning Russian? 

 M.H.: I had a plan to study the Russian language in evening classes, but my Russian friend said: “Don’t do that, I’ll teach you.” We sat in the garden and she helped me to remember the Cyrillic script. I was 56 at this time, and I found it very tiring reading in Cyrillic. I couldn’t do it in the evening because I simply wouldn’t be able to sleep. And Russian grammar is fascinating. 

RBTH: You became an undergraduate for the first time in your sixties. How did you feel about studying with young students? 

M.H.: I need to explain first why I didn’t have any career before my fifties. My husband had a very serious illness, a cerebral abscess, and he became so disabled. I was just looking after him. And we had four children. After 28 years I could not do it any longer, I had break downs, depressions. I finally realized I would have to leave. Otherwise I would just go down with him. There was a life out there I hadn’t lived. It was time to go out and to live it. I left him. I’ve been on my own for three years in a limbo of quilt and depression. Then I picked up a phone and rang the number my friend had long since given me, that of the School of Slavonic and East European Studies, London University. “Do you accept mature students?” I asked. “Of sixty-two?” They did. When the first day of term arrived, I was absolutely terrified. I went twice around Russel square before daring to go in. The only thing that persuaded me to do it was that I got offered the place and if I didn’t do it, the children would be so ashamed of me. My group mates looked a little bit surprised at first but then we were very quickly writing the same essays, reading the same stuff, having to do the same translations. 

RBTH: You spent 10 months in Moscow as part of your course. How did you feel in Russia? 

 M.H.: I hardly dared open my mouth, because I thought I got it wrong. It lasted about a week like this, hardly daring to speak. Then I thought – I’m here only for 10 months. I shall die if I don’t communicate. I just have to risk it. Then I started bumbling stuff. I said things I didn’t at all mean. I just said anything. The most dangerous thing was to make jokes. People looked at me as I was mad. I hate to say it, but in 1991 the Russian ruble absolutely collapsed and for the first and last time in my life I was a wealthy woman. I bought over 200 books in Russian, 10 “Complete Collected Works” of my favorite 19th-century authors. Then it was a problem how to get them home. Seventy-five of them were brought to London by a visiting group of schoolchildren. They took three books each. 

RBTH: You’re celebrating your 90th birthday in July. What’s the secret of your longevity? 

M.H.: If I had not gone to university, if I had given up and stopped learning Russian, I don’t think I’d have lived this long. It keeps your mind active, it keeps you physically active. It affects everything. Learning Russian has given me a whole new life. A whole circle of friends, a whole new way of living. For me it was the most enormous opening out to a new life.

anonymous asked:

LISA. If every song from Halbum was a fic, what fic would they be?????

Meet Me In The Hallway

Just let me know I’ll be at the door, at the door
Hoping you’ll come around
Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor
Maybe we’ll work it out

  • Red Brick Heart : Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

Sign of the Times

Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times
We gotta get away from here

  • Here In The Afterglow1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Carolina

She’s such a good girl 
She’s a good girl 
She feels so good

  • You’ll Breathe Me In (You Won’t Release)  AU where Louis is a 25-year-old driving instructor and Harry is a 17-year-old virgin who’s really awful at seduction, except for the time he gets Louis to fall for him and fuck him senseless and take him on kinky adventures.

Two Ghosts

We’re not who we used to be
We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

  • Love Is A Rebellious Bird :  AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who “has made Mozart cool again” according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Sweet Creature

But we’re still young
We don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong

I know, we started
Two hearts in one home

  • Never Be : The one where Harry Styles moves to Connecticut from England for nine months as a part of a study abroad program, and he just so happens to move in with Louis Tomlinson and family.

Only Angel

I must admit I thought I’d like to make you mine
As I went about my business through the warning signs
End up meeting in the hallway every single time

  • Gods & Monsters : The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that’s exactly what he did.

 Kiwi

And all the boys, they were saying they were into it
Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck

Driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it
I’m kind of into it

  • Escapade : In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He’s reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

Ever Since New York

I need something, tell me something new
Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote
For this curse
Oh, what’s it waiting for?
Must this hurt you just before you go?

  • Empty Skies : For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream – making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He’s still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

Woman

I hope you can see, the shape that I’m in
While he’s touching your skin
He’s right where I should, where I should be
But you’re making me bleed

  • You Are The Blood : A seventh-year Hogwarts AU in which Niall gets all the girls, Liam goes on a journey of self-discovery, Zayn falls in love, Harry wants something more, and Louis tries to figure out once and for all why he, a Muggleborn, was sorted into Slytherin.

From The Dining Table

We haven’t spoke since you went away
Comfortable silence is so overrated
Why won’t you ever be the first to break?
Even the phone misses your call, by the way

  • These Inconvenient FireworksFuture AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

guess who saw newsies today

Tell me about the one who loved him - A Sirius Black Imagine

Originally posted by sensualkisses

‘Professor Lupin? Er - I mean, Remus?’ asked Harry.

Remus looked at the young boy. His heart would always burst when he saw the young man. Each day he’d grow was a day he looked more like his father.

‘Yes Harry?’ replied Remus.

Harry sat at the table with his former professor. The Weasleys house was uncommonly quiet, he was not used for them not being there.

‘I was wondering… Sirius earlier, he said something about er… somebody he wanted to see for a very long time. Do you reckon who would that be?’

Remus’ face became serious.

‘I’ll take that as a yes, then’ said Harry, noticing Remus’s sudden expression.

Remus tried to smile to the young boy.

‘Who’s that person, then?’

‘He shouldn’t go… he’s going to make himself found’ Remus sighed.

‘Is that person could turn him in? We have to stop him!’ shouted Harry, getting up in a hurry.

‘Sit down, Harry… she won’t put him in danger, of that I’m sure. He’d just better leave the past where it is. I’ll try to find him later, put a stop to that.’

Harry sat down again, with more questions in his mind.

‘She?’ said Harry.

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Locked Away

By reddit user Pippinacious

Six months. That’s how long almost half of the new hire last when they become social workers. Some will tell you it’s the pay, others will tell you it’s the stress, still others will complain about poor training or case overload or the broken system. But that’s all bullshit. The reason they quit is always the same; the kids.

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STORY TIME - I can finally tell you guys…

On Wednesday October 4th I got a DM from Taylor Nation telling me they have a special secret event they have to speak to me about (YOU SHOULD SEE MY REACTION, I WASN’T ABLE TO BREATHE ). I had to give them some information. Long story short.. we had hard time catching up so they ended up emailing me on Sunday October 8th thanking me for being such an amazing fan and telling me they have an event happening in London, October 13th. They asked me if there was a way for me to come. When I got a DM on Tumblr I literally thought she was doing an event somewhere close to me (it’s weird she wanted me in London right? I’m so far away from there) and I had my hopes so up. I thought I was going to meet the woman who means the most to me💔 I will never be able to thank my group of best friends for being there, watching me cry over it and helping me find the ways to go. They were the most supportive friends in the world, I’m telling you. But deep down I knew it wouldn’t be happening. I couldn’t just get last minute tickets and just fly to London like that. I’m a student, I don’t have much money to afford tickets & am in the middle of exam session. I also told my parents about it (I WAS IN TEARS BY THE WAY, I don’t think my parents ever saw me like that before) and told them if they’ll be ready to help me, I’d work as much as possible to pay them off. I love them they are not very supportive when it comes to those things.

I feel like my heart is broken because I know I’ll never get a chance like that again. It’s the kind of pain you can’t put into words.

But I would like to thank Taylor for wanting me there (I GUESS IT WAS HER?! I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE SHE KNOWS WHO I AM) and Taylor Nation for being so freaking nice. They told me not to worry cause they’ll keep me in mind for future events because I’m an awesome fan😭 And they even asked for my address so they could send me a gift instead☺️ They are so so nice! And I would like to apologize @taylorswift - I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT’S MY BIGGEST DREAM TO HUG YOU AND TELL YOU ABOUT THE IMPACT YOU HAVE ON MY LIFE, I’M SO SO SO SORRY.

I hope you’ll never forget about me and save me a hug for the tour (PLEASE!!!). I also DMed you from my @dancingswifts13 instagram a lot but you never saw. I love you and I’ll always support you I promise❤️😭 I’M SORRY.

Harry Smut// Officer H

shavon24lo asked: “Can you do an anonymous part 2? and y/n could go back home to her husband and he’d see the marks that Harry left and they get into a fight and she goes back to Harry? Or something like that idk. thanks”

A/N: I was very excited to write this xx

Part 1 || Masterlist

You closed your car door before speeding out of your own driveway and onto the main streets of London. You left the hotel the next morning while the man, whom still didn’t have a name, laid asleep in the hotel bed. He left a note on your phone with his number and address, leaving you to enter it yourself. You entered it as Anonymous. As much as you wanted to stay with him, you still had a home and boyfriend to address to. It wasn’t until you saw him again. As mad as you were about him not showing up, you remembered the marks the man at the hotel left.

The five marks were faint, but obvious when they were finally noticed by your boyfriend. Both of you were irate over two different topics that could have been solved if he would have shown up. He went to blow off some steam around noon, but you stayed at home. You knew it was over; there was no more hope for either of you.

Four years had gone to waste over one night, but it was a night you didn’t regret. Not even a part of you wanted to take it back. You replayed multiple times in your mind.

You punched in his address into your GPS. You didn’t have a place to go anymore, and you wanted, needed to see him again. You turned the corner and drove down to a flat complex at the end of the road. You parked on the street before looking on your phone for the flat number.

“10th floor, unit 4,” you mumbled to yourself.

You sighed before exiting your car. The cold brisk air finally hit you. You walked into the building, feeling out of place. You found your way to the elevator and opened it. You rode up alone to the tenth floor, fidgeting with your hands. You wondered if he would turn you down now. Maybe he thought a one night stand, but he still gave you his number and address. Did he expect you to come? Did you seem desperate coming back to him the following night?

Your thoughts vanished when the ding of the elevator sung on the tenth floor. You walked to the fourth unit, knocking on the door. The hollow knock sounded through the hallway. 

No one answered. 

You tried again and knocked for the second time. You shook your head before heading back to the elevator. You pressed the down button and waited for it to arrive. 

It opened and revealed him.

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matchmaker - fionn whitehead

requested(?): yes!

“Hey love! I’ve got a request here for a Fionn imagine where the reader is a dear friend of Harry’s and he kinda plays matchmaker by setting Fionn and her up on a ‘blind date’. They’re both apprehensive to agree to the plan, but Harry eventually persuades them and things go a lot smoother than expected. Thank you in advance! xo”

word count: 1079

Harry notices similar qualities between his two mates, and so he takes it upon himself to bring the two together.


You had been friends with Harry for over a year now, as you met through mutual friends at a party. Harry and you immediately bonded over the stupidity of your drunk friends, as Harry knew how to handle his drinks and you were the designated driver. Although you did hit it off, it was more of a brotherly relationship rather than romantic, as he loved treating you like a child throughout the party, since you were only 19 at the time. By the end of the night, you had heard the nickname ‘youngling’ way too many times, but you couldn’t help but smile at him as he was such a charming man. An exchange of numbers led to a friendship that consisted of countless karaoke sessions, and multiple late nights sipping coffee in rustic cafes, talking away for hours.

Harry had just started the press tour for Dunkirk, when he realized one of the reasons him and Fionn got on so well. Aside from Fionn being a humble and talented actor, he reminded Harry a lot of you. From the way you both were a bit more reserved, which made it easy for both of you to give Harry your undivided attention whenever he spoke, how you two were some of the most well spoken people he knew, and not to mention the way you were both sarcastic little shits who couldn’t help but constantly take the piss out of Harry. When him and Fionn were waiting for their next interview, Harry got a text from you. 

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Harry Styles - “Confessions” Part Two

Part two to the imagine that almost killed me and I feel like some of you. So, enjoy! 

Warning: Your heart may still break.. It will, there is no may about it .. 

Part OnePart Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight


Harry was making several attempts to contact you. He called, text, even sent flowers to both the house and your work but he never did attempt to come by the house. The house was beginning to feel so empty and the largeness of it seemed to be haunting you. This was the house the two of you had bought together, the place you had every intention of raising a family in but instead Harry was off starting a family with someone else. You were staring to consider selling it or moving out and letting Harry take it. 

You kept waiting for it to appear in the news, that Harry Styles got a girl pregnant, a girl that wasn’t the girl he had been with for the last 4 years. Everyone knew of your relationship, pretty much everyone loved the two of you together and thankfully the breakup had stayed private and out of the media so far but you knew it was only a matter of time especially when everyone found out about the baby. 

It was late one night, you had been curled up on the couch watching some chick flick, attempting to take your mind off of everything. It was storming outside, the sound of the steady rain and occasional thunder was also helping calm your mind but your heart gave a jump and you sat up quickly on the couch when there was a loud knock on the front door. 

You take small cautious steps towards the front door, it was almost 11 at night. Who would be coming at a time like this? An axe murderer, that was one. But when you peaked out the window beside the door you saw a familiar figure stood in the dull light of the porch light. You yanked open the door and came face to face with Harry Styles for the first time in weeks. 

“Harry,” You whisper, taking in the sight of him. His black shirt and jeans were soaked, his hair falling in wet tendrils down his forehead. You took note that clearly the wetness of his cheeks was not just from the rain as his eyes were red and puffy. He also had facial hair, clearly not having shaved in a week or two. 

“I need you.” His voice was a raspy plea. This was the voice of a truly broken man and it instantly brought tears to your eyes. You open your mouth to say you couldn’t do it when he cut you off. “I know I have no righ’ to ask for you to help me but please, I can’ do this anymore. I can’ live a life you aren’ in. Just hear me out for a second, alrigh’?” You sigh and find yourself stepping back to allow him to enter. 

“Let me get you a towel and dry clothes.” As Harry had never returned for his things, his clothes still took up his half of the closet. You had debated getting rid of them but those colorful silken shirts, the vibrant patterned pants and all of the boots lining the bottom of the closet felt like home and you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You reach for his grey sweatshirt and a pair of black basketball shorts. After grabbing a towel from the linen closet in the bathroom you head back out to him, handing them to him. 

“Thank you.” He whispers as he takes them, giving you a weak smile but his eyes were still watery and red. You just gave a nod and looked away before he exited the room, heading for the guest bathroom down the hall. You sat down on the couch, sitting anxiously on the edge of the cushion as you waited for his return. Your mind was racing. What would he say? What would you say? 

Once he returned, he placed his wet clothes and the towel on the floor beside the couch and then took a seat beside you. You tried not to note how close he was but his presence, that familiarity of his body heat, sent your heart into a rapid race and caused your breath to hitch in your throat. The two of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. 

“So, what is it?” You finally ask, your voice low but in the quietness of the large house, you having flipped off the TV while you waited for him to return, made it sound as if you were yelling. 

“I have to go to Los Angeles tomorrow to mee’ with her and our lawyers.” He explained, his voice low as he looked down as his tangled hands. “We are goin’ to figure ou’ wha’ we are goin’ to do.” 

“So what do you need me for then? I’m not part of this.” And you couldn’t be. That was why you made him leave, after all. 

“You can’ come with me? Maybe as moral support?” You can’t help but give a laugh but you stop almost immediately when he looks over at you with watery eyes. 

“Harry, I’m sorry, but I can’t. You think I can just fly to LA with you and sit across from that woman as if I’m not totally imagining you fucking her? I’m sorry but no.” You shake your head, willing yourself to stand firm on this but his bottom lip begins to give a quiver and he hangs his head again. “Harry, please,” You reach out, resting your hand on his shoulder. “I can’t.” 

“I can’ either.” He whispers, his breathing giving a raspy gasp as he tried to catch his breath and will the sobs not to come. As he hung his head, you saw the tears drip down, disappearing into the carpet below as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. 

“I know that this is hard, Harry, but what you’re asking of me…” You trail off, giving a small shake of your head as you move your hand off of his shoulder, tangling your fingers together in your lap to stop yourself from reaching out for his hand like you so desperately wanted to. 

“I know, I know I shouldn’ be and I’ve debated coming here to ask because I know how wrong it is.” He shakes his head, giving a sigh and looks up at you. The way his green eyes shined with tears, that furrow in his brow, the creases on his forehead, it killed you and hurt you so badly. “You’ve always been the one tha’ was there to help me through anythin’ and this is the hardest and scariest thing I’ve ever gone through and I don’ know if I can do it withou’ you.”

“You’re asking me to support you while another woman has your baby, Harry. I told you to leave, I broke up with you, because I couldn’t be a part of that, I can’t be.” 

“I’m not askin’ you to get back together, love, I’m jus’ asking for you to help me while her and I sort everythin’ out. I jus’ need you to hold me togethe’ for jus’ a little while until it all sinks in. And not as my girlfriend, if tha’s not what you wan’, I get that. As my friend, though, you were my friend firs’, can we not go back to that jus’ while I handle this?” You bring your bottom lip in between your teeth as you look over at him, his eyes pleading. “I need you.” He whispers, just as he had minutes before when you opened the door to him. 

“Okay,” You eventually breathed out, not letting yourself over think this. Harry was right, you had been best friends before you dated, you could support him in that way. Or at least you would try. His face finally creeps into a small smile, the first smile he’d had in weeks. He was so grateful for you and that you were willing to do this for him.

So, after talking over flight details Harry left and you curled up in your large and empty bed and cried yourself to sleep, afraid of what you had gotten yourself in to. 

The next day, the plane ride was silent and awkward. Neither of you knew what waited in Los Angeles and just being close to each other again was hard enough. You regretted deeply agreeing to do this but it was too late now. 

“If I end up not being able to handle this, I’m going to leave. I can’t torture myself like this, not even for you.” You tell him as the two of you enter his Los Angeles home. He had already had this place before the two of you moved in and you didn’t spend much time here as you preferred London but it was still like a home to you but now it felt foreign. 

“I understand.” Harry tells you, giving you a weak smile. He still couldn’t believe that you actually came with him. He figured he would have to beg more, plead with you, basically all but drag you to the airport but here you were. He loved you so much in that moment, amazed that even after he hurt you so badly, you still supported him and cared for him enough to do this. 

“Wait,” You say, halting in the hallway outside of the master bedroom. Harry’s chest hits your back, having not been able to stop in time with your abrupt stop. “Was it here? Was it here that you…?” You trail off, unable to get the words out as you picture her, rolling around in the sheets of your bed. You turn and look up at him, seeing his furrowed brows as he puts together what you were asking. You hadn’t even thought of that when you agreed to come. You should have gotten a hotel. 

“No, of course not. It was at her house.” He explains and a sense of relief washes over you. “I’ll take the guest room, you can have our… I mean my… room.” His voice drops off after realizing his mistake. 

“I don’t think I can sleep in there.” You whisper, looking up at him. It was hard enough sleeping in the once shared bed in London, but this room, this bedroom was the place where the two of you had first slept together, the place that had solidified your love for him. Another reason it probably would have killed you to know she had been in that bed. Harry drops yours and his bags that he was carrying as your eyes filled with tears and he pulled you into his arms. 

“I’m so sorry. I can’ say sorry enough.” You allow yourself to curl against him, burying your face in his chest as you began to cry freely. You had spent so much time trying to not cry over the last few weeks and now here it all was coming out and you weren’t sure you were able to stop. “Come on.” Harry pulls back to take your hand and leads you down the hall to the guest bedroom. “You should res’ for a bit.” 

“Stay with me.” You whisper, reaching out for his hand after he’s guided you onto the bed. He was about to leave the room but just as he needed your comfort, you also needed his. 

“Are you sure?” He questions, frowning down at you. He wanted nothing more than to curl up right there in bed with you and hold you close again but he knew how badly he had hurt you, hurt himself even, and didn’t want to make things worse with you.

“Please, Harry.” You all but beg, still gripping at his hand. Your eyes were filled with tears and you knew they had just begun. Harry stares at you, his own green eyes watery, and then gave a nod. He laid slowly down beside you, letting you decide how the two of you would lay together. You grab his arm, tugging it around you as you fold against his side. He has to resist the urge to kiss the top of your head and instead leans back into the pillows as his hand brushes against your arm, trailing across your soft skin. 

“Love?” Harry soon questions as he realizes you were in a full on cry in that moment. He felt the wetness on his t-shirt and had felt the shake in your shoulders. As soon as he spoke a sob fell from your lips. “Talk to me, sweetheart.” He tried to pull back to get you to look at him but you took a handful of his shirt in your fists and make him stay where he was. 

“I had so many plans for us,” You finally gasp out. “I had pictured our wedding, where we would go for our honeymoon, what kind of dress I wanted, and then even what we would name our children.” You were speaking so fast. Now that the dam had been broken, it seemed you were going to let everything out. Your chest ached, your throat already raw from the sobs. “I wanted to marry you, I wanted to start a family with you.” 

“I know, I know, love,” Harry whispers, unable to get his voice any louder. He looks up at the ceiling as the tears leak from his eyes. He takes a deep breath, trying to stay strong and keep it together. He had broken so many times around you lately, it was time for him to take care of you. “I wanted to marry you, too. I’d planned how I was going to ask.” He whispered that last bit as quietly as possible but he knew you had heard when your breath hitched in your throat and you sat up, glaring down at him.

“Don’t,” You spit at him. “Don’t say shit like that. If you really wanted to marry me, if you wanted a life with me, then no matter what kind of fight we had gotten into you wouldn’t have gone to someone else.” 

“I messed up, love, but tha’ doesn’ mean I don’ love you or don’ want a life with you.” He argued but you shook your head and rolled away from him. You sat on the other side of the bed as he too sat up, facing you. “I will fight for you, for us, for the res’ of my life. I promise you. I can’ give up on us. I made a mistake, I know, but you are the only one I want a life with.” You can’t help but roll your eyes as you bring your hand up, wiping at your wet cheeks. 

“Harry, there is no us to fight for anymore. I will never be able to forgive you, I’ve already told you that. You have someone else to fight for now, you have a child to take care of, that’s what you should be focusing on.” Harry just didn’t know what to say, how to express his regret, his hatred towards himself, and how much he longed for you to forgive him. But he understood. He knew he would probably never forgive you if the situation was reversed but he knew he would at least try. 

“I don’ know what to do,” He whispers, his hands pressing into his face. He falls back on the pillows and sighs. Thankfully the tears stayed away. “I can’t raise a child. I’m goin’ to be a shit father.” You sigh and move next to him, pulling a hand from his face so he looks at you.

“You are going to be an amazing father, Harry, don’t doubt yourself. You’re amazing with kids.” And he was, that was why you wanted a family with him one day. He was the most amazing man and would be the most amazing father, you knew that and had no doubts. “No matter the circumstances behind how they came into this world, you are going to love and take care of that child and they will love you so much.” That’s when the tears came back for Harry. He sighs, closing his eyes and turns to bury his face in the pillow beside him. “Do you want to raise the baby with … her .. or .. what is the plan?” 

“I don’ know,” Came his muffled response. “Tha’s what the meetin’ tomorrow is, to talk about options.” He had turned to look at you as he continues speaking so you give a nod, biting at your lower lip. 

“Do you.. do you think you’ll try being with her? Like .. as a family?” You had pictured it, Harry, his child and this mystery woman happy, smiling, laughing together. It killed you inside as it was always you in her place when you imagined it in the past. 

“I don’ want a family with anyone but you.” Harry sits up, having clearly picking up on what you were imagining right now so he pulls you into his arms and kisses the side of your head. “Firs’ thing we’ll do is make sure I’m the father and then go from there.” He explains as you rest your head against his chest. 

“Do you want to be the father?” You whisper as you listen to his heartbeat under your ear. 

“No,” He mutters back almost immediately. “Bu’ if I am… I’m going to do the righ’ thing and try to raise him or her. I won’ let someone else do it for me. It’s my child and I need to take responsibility.” You lift your head and look up at him, a small smile on your face. 

“And no matter how scared you are, you will do it amazingly and that child will love you so much.” He gives a watery smile, one solitary tear falling down his face before he nods. “Does she want the baby?” 

“We haven’ talked about it. That’s what the meetin’ tomorrow is for.” He explains with a sigh. “I don’ want to see her..” 

“And you think I do?” You meant it as a joke but it came out with a touch of malice and you regretted it when you saw that hurt look on his face. “Did she know? About me?” 

“Yes,” He whispers. “I’d gone to a bar after our really bad figh’, drank too much and told her everythin’. I wasn’ thinking clearly and it just.. happened.” He tells you. It pained you so much to hear this but you knew you had to. “I didn’ tell you when I came home and we worked everythin’ out because I was so scared of losin’ you. I knew I would tell you one day bu’… I got home and you were so happy and I couldn’t bare to be the one to make you cry.” 

You couldn’t say anything, nothing that you hadn’t said before about the situation. You couldn’t, wouldn’t, forgive him and that you stood firm on. You came to Los Angeles with him as moral support in a friendly sense, and nothing more. 

“Does she know you and I broke up?” You wondered then, thinking that maybe if she knew, or when she found out, she would try to get with Harry. You didn’t like imagining it. 

“I haven’ spoken to her since she called and told me. I contacted my lawyer the day afte’ you and I … afte’ I left, and he contacted hers. We’ve gone through them eve’ since.” You nod, feeling a bit better at the idea that he wasn’t in contact with her. You couldn’t stand the thought of picturing them talking about baby names or what gender they hoped it was. “Are we ever going to be okay again?” He spoke these words so quietly after a few minutes of silence, neither of you having looked at each other. 

“I don’t think so, Harry.” You tell him softly, looking over at him. As he hangs his head and begins to cry again, you stand from the bed. “I can’t, I’m sorry.” You were letting the tears fall again as well. 

“Y/N…” He whispers after you but you were already out of the room. After locking yourself in the bathroom down the hall, you slid down the hard wood door, your face in your hands as you truly began to cry. Harry didn’t move from the bed, he curled himself into the pillow beside him and cried just as he had been doing the last few weeks. He should be all cried out by now but somehow.. somehow there always seemed to be more. 

Take a Break

A/N: It’s March break finally! So, since I finally have the time, here’s a little fic I thought of while at school one day.

Word Count: 1, 942

Warnings: Just swearing.

Genre: Angst and Fluff. My faves

Your POV

I got into this relationship knowing the consequences of his work. He’d have times where he was busy, and didn’t have time to spend with me. I understood that, so whenever those times came, I stepped away and was there for him. I kept my mouth shut and I dealt with it until he finally had time. It’s just what I did as a supportive girlfriend. Every. Time. 

This time was different though. Usually these spurts of working last about a week, two at the most. This time around it lasted a bit more over a month. I love Dan, and I know he needs to work but as selfish as it sounds, I did want attention, and love. All I wanted to do was cuddle up next to him but this time around he didn’t even let me do that. I knew he was stressed, but it started to take a toll on our relationship. Most nights I would go to sleep alone, then wake up alone. Pretty much my whole day was me being alone. I tried to pull Dan away from his work so he can take a break but him being the perfectionist he is, he kept working anyway. It got to the point where he’d ignore the things I was saying because he was too focused on his work. I kept biting my tongue until now. But I finally snapped when he started acting rude to me. 

I was sitting in his office, obviously, he was working on the computer. I was scrolling through my phone, and I looked up at him every few minutes. His eyes were glued to the screen as per usual. I let out a loud sigh and walked over to his chair, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. 

“Dan, take a break honey. You’ve been working too hard.” I kissed his cheek and stared up into his eyes, which were still glued to the screen. 

“You tell me this every day, and every day I say I still need to work. Leave me alone, Y/N. I’m busy.” He rolled his shoulder back, pushing my arm off his shoulder.  

I scoff, walking towards the door, “Because I totally couldn’t tell you’re busy Daniel.” I heard a loud sigh come from behind me, and I turned in the doorframe, crossing my arms and staring at Dan. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“I don’t know Dan. You tell me.”

“Love, I don’t know-”

“Oh don’t you dare call me love. You barely paid any attention to me these past few weeks…this past month!” I finally had enough with his shit. I gesticulated to emphasize how angry I was.  

“It’s because I’ve been working Y/N! You know, that thing that people have to get money.” Dan replied sarcastically, getting up from his chair. I walked towards him, trying to seem intimidating but his height compared to mine beat me every time.

“I am fully aware of that, Daniel. But you don’t have to be working 24/7! I try to spend time with you but you brush me off! You don’t even come to bed anymore!” I could feel my face heat up out of frustration. I felt tears sting my eyes but I pushed them back, I needed to be strong. 

“I’m busy, what don’t you get about that?” Dan’s voice got louder. 

“I do understand it Daniel. You know why? Because I deal with it every time you are ‘busy’. I normally keep my mouth shut but god have I had enough. Do you even want me here anymore? I feel like I’m just a burden to you now!” I stared into Dan’s eyes to see some sort of reaction. His facial expression softens for a second, and he mumbles something incoherently.  

“Hm?” I moved closer to Dan, who was staring at the ground. I touched his arm but he pulled it away. 

“Leave then!” Dan yelled, backing away from me. I stared at him in shock, and saw the instant regret on his face. 

“Okay.” I mumbled quietly, walking backwards still staring at Dan. Did he stop loving me? I felt the tears threatening to spill again but I kept trying to push them back. His facials expression softened, and he took a step towards me. 

“I am so sorry baby; I didn’t mean it please don’t leave.” Dan’s voice cracked. He reached his hand for me but I backed away. “Please don’t leave me.” Before I could give into Dan’s plea, I turned around to grab my phone off the side table, and headed down the stairs to the front door of our flat. I heard Dan mumbling apologies as he followed me down the stairs, but I ignored them. 

I got to the front door, sliding on my shoes and throwing my coat on when Dan stopped me again. 

“No no no, I didn’t mean it love, I didn’t mean it, please stay.” I finally looked up at Dan and saw tears running down his face. He choked back a sob when I took another step away from him.

“Dan I-" 

"I know I’m terribly sorry please don’t leave me.” Dan sobbed, grabbing my arm and pulling me into an embrace. He held me tight, like he never wanted to let go again. I was reluctant to hug back, but decided to stay strong. I kept my arms by my side as I felt tears hit the top of my head. When I finally had enough, I pushed him away and Dan started crying more. 

“I know I fucked up, lov- Y/N,” Dan paused, remembering that I told him not to call me love earlier, “but please don’t leave. I need you, and I love you. I know I’m a terrible boyfriend but I promi-" 

I finally gave into Dan; I couldn’t take seeing him like this. So, I rested my hand on his cheek. He instantly leaned into my touch, as I wiped away some of his tears. He pulled his hand up, and rested it on mine.

"I just need air, okay Dan? I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I said, giving him a soft smile. Seeing Dan like this broke my heart, and I loved him too much and it hurt me seeing like this. After trying to be strong for so long, I let a few tears drop. I heard Dan hold back another sob, taking his hand away from mine and backing away like he was scared he’d hurt me even more. I could tell Dan felt guilty for saying it, I saw it in his eyes that it hurt him to know that he caused this. I gave another reassuring smile, then turned to open the door. 

I started walking down the stairs of the complex. When I got to the bottom, I heard stumbling from above me, and somebody mumble a soft “ow”. I turned around to see Dan struggling to get his coat on as he runs down the stairs. When he got to the bottom I stared at him with a confused look on my face.

“Um…Dan, what are you doing?”  

“Coming with you.” Dan simply stated. He walked passed me, and opened the door, gesturing for me to walk out first. I walked out, still confused about what he was doing. I walked out into the cold London streets, and looked around before turning back to Dan.

“Dan, when I said I needed air, I meant alone.” I emphasized my last word, but I knew Dan was too stubborn to go back into our flat.  

“I know. But I would be an even more terrible boyfriend if I just let you be alone. I promise I won’t talk if you want silence.” Dan gave me his infamous smirk, and shrugged his shoulders. I rolled my eyes at him, chuckling at his crazy antics, then grabbed his hand. We walked in silence through the cold, busy streets to calm down and think about what just happened. After 10 minutes of walking around in silence, our hands still intertwined, I decided to go into a Starbucks to warm up. 

“Go take a seat, I’ll order for you.” Dan said, letting go of my hand and pointing towards some seats. I walked away, taking a seat as I watched Dan take our orders. Even after a fight, he was still a sweetheart.  He kept looking back at me every few minutes, as if to make sure I was okay. Which, at this point I was. The moment Dan followed me out the door I forgave him for mostly everything. I just wanted to hear him explain why he said what he did. He walked over to our table, our drinks in hand and he gently places them down. He takes the seat across from me, and takes a sip and places his drink down. I was staring at the floor for a while, deep in thought. I looked up to Dan and saw him staring back at me with admiration. 

“What?” I chuckled. He smiled down at the ground, then looked up to me again with a soft look. 

“I thought I was gonna lose you to be honest.” Dan softly said, looked out the window of the Starbucks, staring into the streets. Dan turned back to me, and grabbed my hand from across the table. 

“Well you did tell me to leave.” I laughed coldly. It was true, I had to state the obvious. He shot me an apologetic look, and squeezed my hand. 

“I didn’t mean to. I was stressed, and frustrated. More with myself than you. It’s just-” he readjusts himself in his seat, so he’s leaning closer to me. “I couldn’t believe I made you feel like a burden, and that you thought I didn’t love you anymore. I don’t know what came over me and it was inexcusable what I said to you. But what you should know is that I would never actually mean to say that." 

I gave him a smile, furrowing my eyebrows when I did. "It’s okay Dan." 

"But it’s not okay, Y/N. I’ve treated you terribly these past few weeks and it’s not okay.” Dan let go of my hand and stared at the ground like it was the most interesting thing ever. Knowing Dan, he was probably overthinking this, thinking that at some point I would actually leave him. I didn’t know what to say so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I love you too, Dan.”

“What?” Dan looked up at me again, chuckling a bit at my random outburst.

“I don’t know.” I laughed. “I felt weird not saying it back in our flat. I just want you to know that I love you too.”

Dan laughed at me, shaking his head. However, he got serious quickly again. “I don’t know how to make it up to you, love." 

"As cheesy and cliché as this sounds, you already did when you walked out that flat with me. You being here now is enough.” Dan smiled at me, staring into my eyes before opening his mouth then closing it again. “What is it honey?” I squeezed his hand. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. 

I laughed at his question. Did he need to ask? “Why are you asking?" 

"I’m not sure if you wanted me to after what happened.” Dan shrugged. 

I laughed more shaking my head. I let go of his hand, and leaned over the table to give him a soft, loving kiss. He grabbed my cheeks, and gently kissed back.

A/N: Honestly didn’t know how to finish it so I sort of just left it there.

Support (Harry Styles Imagine)

Warning: swearing 

I’ve finally done my dream imagine! I’ve been wanting to write a dramatic imagine for a while now. Thank you to those who voted for this and for those who even personally messaged me. I really do appreciate the help.

It took me quite a lot of time to finish this because I had a lot of scenarios in mind. Sorry for the delay. Hope I didn’t disappoint.

Anyways… Hope you guys like it! 

Feedbacks are very well appreciated.

ENJOY!!

~~

They say that after the honeymoon phase comes the biggest bump in one’s relationship.

For four years now, I’ve been Harry Styles’s girlfriend. I met him when I started working for Lou as her assistant stylist for the Where We Are Tour. At first, I was adamant to do it. But with a little push from Lou, I finally agreed. I’m glad that I agreed. Each passing day on the road, Harry and I grew closer until he finally asked me to be his. And I said yes.

Throughout the course of the On The Road Again Tour, I was asked yet again to join the crew. But this time, no decision was needed to be thought out. I was going to be with the love of my life 24/7 and that was enough reason to agree once more.

 I was with them when they had to perform for the first time without Zayn in Manila. Nerves were wrecking around backstage about who’ll sing Zayn’s part in which song and what’ll happen to their positions onstage with one member missing. I was even there when Zayn officially said goodbye.

I was with Harry when they announced to the public of their decision regarding the hiatus. It was hard for the lads to end up with that decision, but they all knew that it was for the greater good of the band. They knew that if they went on with a heavy heart that they might end up resenting what they do or worse, each other.

 I was there during their last show in Sheffield. Hugs were given as soon as the show ended. Tears were pouring everywhere. I have never seen Harry cry so hard before. Even I shed a tear or two. Of course, I’ve been with these people for two years now. I’ll miss seeing them everyday. But whatever happens, we all promised to support one another in any way or form.

**

Now, it’s been a few months since the hiatus started. Harry and I decided to go home to Holmes Chapel to unwind for a few weeks. Anne was kind enough to have accommodated both of us. Gemma even stopped by everyday to chat with us. It seemed like I was in a normal relationship and not in a relationship with a superstar.

A few weeks after that, Harry was casted for Christopher Nolan’s new movie Dunkirk. To say that I was proud of him was an understatement. In the midst of shooting the movie, Harry asked me to join him because he was feeling lonely. With a smile on my face, I gladly joined him. Plus, Cillian Murphy was another reason to drop by. (wink wink)

After the movie, Harry decided to start writing for his first solo album. I was so happy that he’d be back in the comfort of his beloved studio where I knew he was genuinely happy. He decided to take a small trip to Jamaica, which was such a breather. It was away from all the flashing light and spying eyes. Harry’d spend his time in the studio with Jeff and Mitch. While I, on the other hand, started drawing my dream fashion line.

Every since I was a kid, I have loved dressing up. And finishing my degree in fashion designing really was a dream come true. Dressing people up like how I did with the lads on tour was not the job that i was expecting but it was a great experience. I’m much more interested in designing my own fashion line and flaunt my designs on the runway.

**

One normal day back home, I got a phone call from the biggest fashion company in London. They heard from Lou that I was a fashion major and wanted me to send drafts of my designs for their upcoming fall collection. I was beyond ecstatic.

This is it.

 My dreams are becoming a reality. I immediately called Lou and thank her over and over again. I then excitedly told Harry and he was so proud of me. That night, me, my family, friends and Harry went out and celebrated but I noticed that Harry wasn’t into it. My best friend even asked if he was ill. It was like he wasn’t even there. I just took it as stress and agreed to go home earlier than expected.

The day of his album launch came. It was a whirlwind of emotions. I was so proud of how people responded to Sign of the Times, but the response to the album was much better. Knowing how hard Harry worked for it and how much people appreciated it made me so happy for him.

And to add to that happiness, pieces from the collection that I sent was chosen for the London Fashion Week Fashion Show a few months from now. I had already told Harry the night before about it but he just nodded and told me he was proud.

Maybe he’s just tired? Or maybe he’s just nervous for the launch the next day? I thought. 

His entire team went out to celebrate that night. Of course, I was there during dinner with his family. I told Gemma about the the fashion show and she promised to be there to support me. Anne even let out a sound of excitement and kept on hugging me, making me feel how happy she was for me.

The dinner ended quickly, so they decided to have a few drinks. Me, on the other hand, had a very important meeting with the company so I had to be presentable and hang-over free.

 “Love, let’s go?” Harry asked.

 “Babe, I have that meeting tomorrow remember?” I asked, with a ‘duh’ tone.

 “What meeting?” He asked. I was shocked. His facial expression really showed no signs of him knowing what was going on.

 “The meeting for the fashion show?” I asked, hoping that something will spark up.

 “You got the job?” He asked.

 “Harry, I told you that last night.” I said, a small frown now starting to form on my face.

 “Ohh yeah. That.” He said. I was kind of disappointed that he forgot but I just shook it off.

 “Anyways, it’ll probably be best if I head home first. Go enjoy the night.” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

 “You sure?”

 “Of course.”

 And with that, I left him and went home.

**

The meeting the next day went very well. I met with the tailors who’ll make my designs a reality alongside me and explained to them how I wanted it to turn out. They were nice enough to have understood my worries and assured me of my creative works. The models were also chosen and among those are some of the most well known models. The feeling of Cara Delevingne wearing my work was unbelievable.

I went home that afternoon with a tired body, yet a big smile on my face. Harry was in our bedroom getting ready to go out and celebrate with his friends. I quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek and a quick ‘hey babe’.

“Love, go get ready. We’ll meet them at five.” He said, buttoning his shirt.

“Babe, is it ok if I pass tonight? I’m so tired and I just want to lie down and relax.” I said, slumping my body in the bed. His face showed how much he wanted to go. “Go on without me. Enjoy babe.”

“Don’t you want to celebrate the success of my album, love?” He said with pleading eyes. Of course I want to but having sewed a few pieces myself, I was exhausted.

“It’s not that babe. It’s just that… I’m so tired.” 

“Oh. Ok.”

What’s with his attitude? I don’t know why his tone suddenly sounded like he’s implying that I didn’t want to go just because I don’t want to go.

“What’s with you?” I suddenly asked. I don’t know what ticked inside me, but I had a feeling that me asking that question will lead to a fight.

“Nothing. It’s just that I feel that you’re not happy for me.” He said while fixing his not-so-long-anymore hair.

“What are you saying? Just because I don’t want to go out tonight doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you.” My voice started rising.

“Then make me feel it! All you care about is your stupid designs.”

Oh hell no. 

“Excuse me?”

He’s gotta be kidding right now.

“I said it! All you care about is your stupid runway fashion show. You never support me in any of my works. It’s like I don’t even have a girlfriend who supports me. All we talk about is how excited you are for the show and how happy you are that YOUR dreams are coming true. What about me, huh? Ever thought about me? My album? My dreams?”

 “Oh for fuck’s sake Harry. Don’t you ever say that I didn’t support you. I spent two years on the road with you… two years which should’ve been spent on designing my OWN fashion show. I’ve been beside you through all of the rumors, the hiatus, and now your solo career. So don’t you dare point a finger at me and say that I don’t care about your dreams because I do.” I said. My blood’s now boiling that I don’t think it’ll be enough cooling off just for tonight.

 “Then make me feeling like you care and join us tonight.” He shouted.

 “Why are you so fucking selfish? Can’t you see that I’ve been working my ass off for MY dream? All I ever thought about for the past few years was you and your damn career. Can’t you think about mine? All I’m asking is a night in tonight. Heck, I’m not even asking you to stay with me!” Harry was about to say something but I cut him off.

 “You know what Harry? I realized now… All I ever did in this relationship is give, give, and give. And I’m getting tired.”

 Flashbacks of how Harry reacted with me getting the job came to mind… he didn’t even care. Heck, he even forgot that I told him about me getting it. I’ve talked about this with a friend of mine and what she told me really hit me.

 “It sounds to me like there’s only one person in this relationship.”

“Love, I’m not saying that your dream is not that important. It’s just that -” he said, but I cut him off.

“You feel that your accomplishments are far more important and extravagant than mine.” I said in total realization. No words were needed, his facial expressions were enough to assure my assumption.

“I can’t believe you!” I shouted. “A relationship between two people is about trust and support, and you can’t even support your girlfriend of four years? Your girlfriend who was beside you, supporting you since who knows when!” I started crying.

 “Love, it’s not like that…”

 “Then what is it like Harry? WHAT?” My head started to ache and my breathing started to quicken its pace.

 “Love…”

 “You know what? You’re not the Harry that I fell in love with anymore. You’re just a big-headed pop star who only cares about his fame.”

 “You’re not the girlfriend that I used to know as well. My girlfriend supports me in everything that I do.”

 “And my boyfriend also does the same.”

 “I’m still that person!” He said in exhaustion.

 “No you’re not.” I said with tears now streaming down my face.

 “Then what are you implying?” For a split second, I saw the man that I fell in love with - the man who’d swim the oceans just to make me smile.

 “I’m sorry but if you’ll continue, it’d be best if I left.”

 “Love, no… Don’t do this.” Desperation was very well heard from that one sentence.

 “I’m sorry.”

 I grabbed my bag and with that, I left the man who still had my heart.

They said that there’s always a rainbow after the rain. But with this kind of relationship, seeing a ray of light might be impossible.

Good Boy, Stevie // Steve Rogers x Reader (P1)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x POC Reader, a tiny bit WinterWidow and ScarletVision
Word Count: 3.7k+
Warning: Language, fluff, Slooow burn, Sub!Steve, Dominant Reader  
Summary: Steve discovers he really enjoys you on top and in control. Pietro and Sam find out a little more about Bucky Barnes than they ever wanted to know. Wanda is a surprising supporter of *ahem* kinky things.

A/N: You really thought I was going to leave you hanging on ‘Oh Captain!’ like that? I’m not that sadistic. Okay…maybe I am but this story practically begged me to write it. Who am I to refuse?

Originally posted by luvinchris

Previously on Oh Captain: Good Boy, Stevie //Part 2

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i don’t usually make things about ships on this blog, despite the fact gryles is the blood in my veins, but i decided since this blog isn’t actually a daily news blog, or an update blog for nick, it’s just a blog that is only all about nick so i can post what i want. so here’s forty-two (42) gryles fics you should read.


picked undone, and again by biggerthanthesun
words: 37,389 / side: daisy/harry

“I need you to know that I… I want you all the time. Me wanting you and us doing this,” Nick says. “We’ve been weirdly steady for two people who aren’t even dating and I still want you more than ever, you know? I’m not even tired of it, I’m not even tired of you. You’re like a constant thing for me, I’m afraid I’m a bit mad about you.”

The one where they’re not boyfriends. Where Nick’s mad for Harry. And Harry was mad for Nick. Until he wasn’t anymore. (Canon-compliant).

at the gates by ymorton
words: 33,707 / side: omc/omc

“I feel I already know you,” he says, laughing.

Harry looks at him, surprised. Nick feels it too?

(gryles, reincarnated)

Keep reading

You’re My Favorite

In honor of H’s 23 birthday, enjoy this little one shot! :) 

Plot: What to get to the man who has everything?

Warnings: None. 

Three weeks to H’s Birthday:

“Baby,” Harry groaned exasperation. His eyes rolled back and he let his head drop for a moment, appearing to be completely and utterly done with the subject I had been bugging him with for a few hours now as well as over the past days.

Harry’s birthday present.

And still, he was being close to no help. His eyes met mine and I whined, wanting him to take me seriously, because even though we (admittedly) had been discussing this topic a bit too long now, he somehow still didn’t understand my point.
Birthdays were something I took very seriously, especially Harry’s. It was the first time for me to celebrate his birthday with him given that our relationship was only a few months old and all I wanted was him to be showered with love and spoiled silly. I wanted to make him happy.
Planning his day wasn’t the problem, it was easy. I would spend the night before with him, mainly so I could make sure him being spoiled would start early in the morning already (breakfast in bed, maybe some sex) but most of all I wanted to stay with him because I knew how Harry didn’t like having to sleep and wake up alone. It made my heart ache a little bit and fall even more in love with his sensitive and gentle soul and so I liked the idea of him not having to do that on his birthday, too.
Later, we would have lunch with his mother, sister and step-father so we would be able to exchange gifts quietly and just in the presence of his immediate family. Harry absolutely adored them and I knew he’d love being able to be with just his family for a while, before his friends would join us for a dinner at his favorite restaurant. It was a simple plan and wouldn’t entail too many surprises for him, but I knew that would be what Harry enjoyed most. All of his life was always extravagant and a big deal, so I imagined him having simple family time would be just what he’d need.
What had been giving me a headache for a while now was the most difficult question I’d ever had to ask myself. What makes a good present to a person who could buy the world?

“You are so difficult sometimes,” I argued quietly, nudging Harry’s hip with my own.

We were standing in my tiny kitchen and cooking dinner together, well, less cooking and more arguing about his upcoming birthday. The pans were still empty and the table wasn’t set either. Three weeks. I had three weeks left to get him the perfect present and I was absolutely clueless.

Harry laughed. “Says the one who’s been worrying herself silly over a present for a birthday who’s almost a month away.”  

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe I just shouldn’t get you anything then. If I’m just being silly.”

My body turned and I went to reach for two wine glasses, almost dropping them when Harry startled me by wrapping both of his arms around my waist. His chest hit my back and I squealed when his head buried itself into my neck, releasing puffs of hot breath, making me squeal.

“You wouldn’t do that,” he murmured quietly, sounding like a little boy who’d been denied… well, his birthday present.

“Oh wouldn’t I, Styles?” I giggled, squeezing his wrists through the thick material of his grey jumper.

He shook his head, lips ghosting over my skin and I relaxed into him. “Don’t think you would.”

And of course I wouldn’t. But I really was lost. In my imagination, I could see his face lighting up with that beautiful smile of his and his pretty eyes would sparkle in surprise and happiness. I wanted that image to be reality, had seen him wear the expression on other occasions before and I wanted to be the reason why he wore it on his birthday. And the one bloody thing needed for that to happen was missing. An idea.

Two weeks to H’s Birthday:

In my desperate situation I’d called up the only person I could think of, who knew Harry better than anybody else did. His mother. Anne and I were sat in a small cafe just around the corner of where Harry lived. I held my mug of hot chocolate tightly and listened eagerly to the stories Anne had to tell, all of them involving a much younger version of Harry. Anne waved her hands in the air, mimicking Harry’s desperate attempt of rollerblading and I laughed out loud.

“He sounds like he was an incredibly clumsy child,” I giggled.

“Oh he was,” Anne smiled with a nod, “Still is, really. You’ve seen how he used to stumble around on stage. Even broke his foot once, the silly boy.”

“Oh right, I forgot about that!”

Anne chuckled and kindly offered me some of her cookie, which I happily accepted.

“So,” she began, handing me a piece of her desert, “I’m sure there’s a other reason behind you summoning me, other then hearing stories you can mock my son with later.”

I laughed gently and nodded. “Though, I could listed to those stories all day, I did call because I have a problem I was hoping you could help me with.”

A small frown took over Anne’s kind features and she set down her cup. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing too serious,” I quickly assured, not wanting her to worry, “It’s going to sound silly to you, I’m sure. But I just can’t come up with a good idea for a gift for Harry.”

My eyes met hers and I sensed that she was about to ask if I was kidding, because of course it sounded stupid to anyone else, and so I carried on quickly.

“His birthday, is coming closer and closer and I can’t figure out what to get him! That man has everything and if he doesn’t, then he buys it the next day. And even when I finally find something he hasn’t seen before but would love, it costs so much more than what I have! It’s so frustrating ‘cause all I want is to make him happy and surprise him with something nice but I can’t even get him something as simple as clothing! He came around with a cardigan just yesterday that cost £5000! I don’t even own anything that expensive! That piece of clothing he loves, is worth two months of my rent.”

Anne bit her lower lip, her expression serious again and I sighed. I felt so whiny and like an uncreative child, but I really was at my wit’s end.

“It’s the first birthday I get to spend with him and I’m going to fail him completely.”

My eyes lowered to my mug and I tapped the porcelain lightly, feeling defeated.

“Sweetheart,” Anne said kindly, “Harry will love whatever it is you get him. He adores you.”

A small smiled tugged at my lips and I blushed at her words. “I don’t want him to like it simply 'cause it’s from me, though.”

I raised the cup of chocolate to my lips and took a sip, then decided to just come clean with my greatest worry.

“The women he’s been with before me,” I began quietly, avoiding Anne’s patient gaze, “were rich enough to get him the world. What if he realizes that I’m just not… I don’t know. Suitable for his standards?”

The worry sounded stupid when it’d come to my mind the first time, but it’d stayed. Kendall Jenner, the last girl Harry had been involved with before me, was probably just as, if not even richer than he was himself. Same counted for Taylor Swift. They could go wherever he wanted to go, dress just as expensively and rent entire venues for him to host his party. Me? I had to scrap anything I had together every single month so I could afford my tiny apartment in London. Harry of course was aware that I couldn’t afford the same lifestyle as he had, but sometimes, especially when he came around with a £5000 cardigan, I wondered if he was aware how much money he actually had compared to what ordinary people earned.
When I dared looking at Anne again, she surprised me by wearing a bright smile. Both of her hands reached over the table and she took hold of my own, squeezing my fingers in a comforting gesture.

“Him thinking you aren’t suitable for him is absolutely and a hundred percent impossible, Y/N. Believe me.”

“You think so?” I asked timidly.

She nodded, still smiling confidently.

“The women Harry was with in the past,” she shook her head, pausing for a moment, then she continued, “were lovely, sure. But they never stayed around long. They never mattered to him as much as you do. He never brought one home, only introduced them casually over a dinner or sometimes not at all. Trust me, sweetheart, you are the first one he’s let get close to his heart and I can see it every day. You might not notice it because you’ve never seen him without it, but since you’re in his life, there’s an extra sparkle in his eyes and his smile is just a tiny little bit wider. He told me he’s been getting more sleep and that he even learned how to cook. That’s your influence on him, I know that. You’re taking care of him and that means the world. So trust me on this, you give him enough of what he couldn’t get himself every day. No birthday present could ever make you a failure to him.”

“Oh, Anne,” I almost squealed, blinking away the tears forming in my eyes. I squeezed her fingers in return and sniffled, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.

She squeezed my hands once more and just like her son, her comforting aura was enough to ease me.

“And besides,” she continued in a giggle, “if he thinks I’m getting him anything even remotely close to £5000, he’s gone mad.”

H’s Birthday:

My lips lingered on the warm skin of Harry’s cheek and I giggled when I felt his smile beneath my lips. Harry’s hand found mine on his knee and he interlocked our fingers, humming quietly in appreciation. I could hear Gemma snicker at our interaction and I pressed another kiss to his jaw, then I withdrew. Harry’s eyes found mine and I could read his surprise in them. Normally I wasn’t as touchy feely with him when his family was around, but today I couldn’t help myself. My Harry was officially 23 years old. I couldn’t believe it.
We were sat on the couch in Harry’s living room, Gemma, Anne, Robing, Harry and me. There was cake and coffee on the small table along with the presents we’d bought for him. So far, the day had gone neatly and after the chat I had had with Anne, I felt confident about my choice of present, too.
Harry seemed so happy, relaxed and like he was enjoying himself. Just like I had intended to do, I’d been showering him with love all day long, waking him up with kisses and embracing him every few minutes. For breakfast I’d made him pancakes, bacon and eggs, making sure that the only healthy thing he got was a smoothie. And the sex well, had been mind-blowing.  
I squeezed Harry’s fingers tightly and blushed when he pressed his lips to my own cheek for a moment, as he wasn’t too much into PDA himself either, then he turned to engage in the conversation his family was leading.

“Harry,” Robing began, “I know you’re not a kid anymore, but do you want me to initiate that it’s time for you to get your presents?”

“That would be great,” Harry laughed, letting his arm rest around my waist in a loose hold.

I smiled at him lovingly and felt my stomach flutter when Harry pulled me even closer into his side, sharing his warmth with me. How did he always smell so good?
The first present he opened was Gemma’s. He let go of me and got up to hug her in thanks and joked about how it was the exact same thing he’d been thinking of getting her only weeks ago and she giggled, muttering a “liar” under her breath. Next came Anne and Robin’s present, then came mine. My fingers itched and I swallowed. Though I wasn’t worried about Harry not liking my present, I was very eager to see the excited expression on his face.

“S'big,” Harry said, giving me an impressed glance when he picked up the box I’d wrapped neatly with blue wrapping paper.

He carefully began to pull at it with care as if the paper wasn’t actually meant to be ripped apart and I giggled, resting one of my hands on his shoulder to squeeze it. He was so adorable.
Once finished, he began to tap the cartoon box as if expecting a noise and I giggled at his comedic and silly behavior. Anne shook her head at him but the smile plastered on her face was a big enough sign that she was just as delighted to be here with her son as I was. With careful fingers Harry continued to open the box and my heart squeezed when he smiled instantly.
Since I hadn’t been able to decide on one present for him, I’d gotten him several.
The first item Harry revealed was a bottle of massage oil, his favorite with the soft smell of almond mixed with vanilla. I’d remembered the many evenings where I’d found him on his couch, face a grimace of pain and exhaustion where he claimed nothing could ease and soothe him better than my fingers massaging his tense muscles. Though I was tired on most night when I came home after a long day, I’d always given in. Seeing Harry unhappy was enough of a persuasion to make me help him.

“For when your back is acting up again,” I murmured quietly, allowing my hand to run down Harry’s back in a soothing gesture, “Won’t even complain about it, I promise.”

He chuckled and nodded, setting the bottle to the side before sticking his hand back into the box in search for the next item I’d gotten him.

“Oh I wanted to get that one myself!” Gemma exclaimed when Harry held up the navy blue nail polish.

“Do you think I can pull this color off?” Harry asked me, a smile on his face. “S'a bit flashy, don’t you think?”

“It’s blue, Harry,” I laughed, “Pink would be flashy. And of course you and pull this off. There’s nothing you couldn’t, really.”

The next and last item Harry pulled out of the box was a small journal, similar to the one he already owned.

“I saw yours is almost full,” I explained when Harry smiled at the new journal.

It had the same leather cover as his other one did and since he’d decorated it with small stickers and words, I’d allowed myself to leave my own small message to him. A tiny inscription saying you’re my favorite right at the bottom of the right corner. I’d scraped it into the leather, making it a permanent decoration so he’d have something to remind him of me when we were forced to be apart.

Harry actually blushed when his thumb stroke over the words and he momentarily leaned into my side. My heart hammered in my chest.

“Open it,” I whispered quietly.

He glanced at me briefly, then he opened it slowly. At first he didn’t see it, but once he turned some of the pages he noticed that some of them were already used. And once he began to read what I’d written, he teared up. The grin on his face grew, revealing his loveably dimples and his widened.

“Y/N,” Harry sighed and shook his head.

His fingers kept on running over the paper and he swallowed visibly. He looked as if he found it difficult to believe what his eyes were reading and one of his hands found mine.

“What?” Anne asked, leaning up so she could catch a peek as well.

“They’re just some notes about us,” I explained.

But they weren’t really, not just some notes. I’d filled the pages with small texts and short sentences, all of them about Harry and me. They were tiny stories about us, remembering our first kiss, the one we’d shared standing on Jack’s balcony while all of our friends were celebrating and partying indoors. The second paragraph I wrote about how I’d felt when I’d first met Harry, how excited I’d been and how I hadn’t stopped thinking of him since then. I even admitted that I’d fallen a tiny bit in love with him already.
Harry’s eyes were still teary when he read a few more pages, then he closed the book.

“I love it.”

The words were whispered to the journal, his head held low. His hands clenched around the item and he sniffled noisily. My fingers squeezed his hand and I pressed another kiss to his arm. This was better than having wearing a wide grin. The present, one that I’d gotten him for a reasonable price, had actually made him speechless.

“I’m glad, Harry,” I giggled.

Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you to every single one of you who takes the time to read my one shots! I’m so excited and happy about every note I get. 

Rest of what I wrote: 

http://harryimaginedstories.tumblr.com/post/144920695218/masterlist

Are You Okay? - Harry Styles Imagine

You were grinning ear to ear, there was no doubt about that. Harry had finally gotten back from his trip to Jamaica and you couldn’t wait to actually see him face-to-face, not just through a phone screen. FaceTime could only give those swoon worthy dimples so much justice. You had been texting him since he woke this morning, planning to see him for breakfast this morning, and found yourself practically jumping in the drivers seat of your car as you drove to the small cafe you had agreed on. 

“Uh, I have someone waiting for me,” you address the waitress, the brunette’s mouth gapes open upon looking up and seeing you standing there. She nods and then points off towards the back, and you can’t miss that mop of hair in the booth - even with his back to you. 

“He’s back there,” the hostess manages to say. In which you thank her and stop yourself from running over to where Harry was sitting. 

Keep reading

I’m now going to tell you about the most magical and amazing experience I’ve ever had and ever will have. This post is SO long so go grab some popcorn 🍿

So on October 2nd I was working a nightshift. It was little to do and just went in and checked my emails. I saw two emails from twitter saying Taylor Nation had sent me a DM!! I panicked so bad and went on my twitter to check if it was real. And on my twitter I have two DMs from Taylor fucking Nation. I stared shaking so bad and could barely breathe. The message said *CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE* and that they have a secret, special event they would like to talk to me about, and to send my full name, phone number and best time to contact me. Have you ever tried typing in details like that while your hands are shaking so bad like you’re on drugs?! ITS HARD MAN! I obviously gave them my details (duh), and told them my lips are sealed and it sounds so exciting! Then I panicked cos I thought my reply was too late, and had to ask if I was too late, and then I apologised for sending them so many messages 😂 They said “haha you’re all good, thanks doll”. Then I was supposed to take care of newborns and their moms and stay calm at the same time. IT WAS SUCH A STRUGGLE! I had to go to the bathroom to try and breathe.

We were not supposed to tell ANYONE, but I just had to send my friend Lyndsay a message saying it’s important to check you DMs on twitter often. And she replied “I know, you too…” and I just KNEW she had gotten a message too. If she replied with something different I wouldn’t have told her anything. We started freaking out together and it was beautiful.

I didn’t know when to expect a phone call, all I knew was that I need to have my phone on sound at all times. Like you can’t miss the most important phone call of your life! I had an evening shift the next day and told work I just have to have my phone on sound cos I’m waiting for a very important phone call. Every time my phone rang I just immediately panicked 😂. I can’t remember the time but I was at work and in a patients room when my phone started ringing. I quickly said “sorry I have to take this” and ran out of the room. I look at my phone and it’s calling from New York 😱 I die and start shaking and answer. It was Ali calling from Taylor Nation!! She confirmed it was the right person she was talking too and gave me some more details. It was going to be a secret special event in London on Friday the 13th of October from 4pm-11pm. She asked if I was going to be able to make travel arrangements and I was like “duh YAS OF COURSE”. She told me I could bring a plus’s one, and since I knew that Lyndsay was already going, I gave them my friend Alex’s details. She told me again that this was confidential and I couldn’t speak about it to anyone except my parents, guardian and boss at work. I was going to get more information early the week following. I probably sounded like the most bored person cos I was IN SHOCK, like I was just “yeah” “uhu”, “yes”, and didn’t show any excitement at all 😂. She hung up and continuing work was the hardest thing EVER!

I made travel arrangements and sorted hotels with my friends. I was already going to London on the Sunday till Wednesday before the event on Friday, so I knew the week would go quick anyways. On Sunday evening I out of the blue get an email. I was at the hotel with my mom having a pamper evening, and I was SO THROWN OFF COS I THOUGHT I WOULD GET IT ON MONDAY OR TUESDAY. My mom filmed my reaction to getting this email and it shows how Taylor Swift makes me feel nearly 24/7 😂. The email again said that it was confidential and not to post anything about it or tell anyone. They gave us an address for a Holiday In hotel where we were going to meet up. They said not to bring too much personal belongings cos this was going to be taken off us as well as our phones. AT THIS POINT I STARTED TO BE MORE CERTAIN THAT I WAS GOING TO A SECRET SESSION. Hence my reaction to getting the email lol. I still tried to not get my hopes up, and tried to tell myself that maybe I’ll get to hear a new song and have a swiftie party. Good thing I was in London and could get myself an outfit. OMG IVE NEVER BEEN MORE STRESSED ABOUT FINDING AN GOOD OUTFIT EVER!! I did find it by the help of my really good friend!

THIS STORY IS GETTING SO LONG, sorry 😂 Well done for getting this far. I’m going to skip forward to Friday now (aka the best day of my life).

So, FRIDAY THE 13TH. I get up at 4am to catch my flight to London. My stomach is doing backflips trying to catch butterflies cos I was so excited and nervous and anxious at the same time. I couldn’t listen to any Taylor music cos I would just start to cry, so I ended up listening to P!nks new album (which is amazing btw). When I get to London I meet up with Lyndsay, Megan and Alex. We head to the hotel where we are going to stay and to meet up. Here we get dressed and as I was to put my makeup on I realise that I’ve forgotten all my make up and I go in a full on panic. IM SUCH AN IDIOT! Luckily Megan had makeup I could borrow. After we got ready we headed down to outside the hotel. There were loads of girls with red lipstick and dresses so we knew we were in the right place 😍. We qued up outside, they were running late, think we stood outside for 40 minuets maybe. We then got to the front of the line and inside (finally cos I was freezing my ass of). Taylor Nation was there ready to sign us in!! We signed a confidentiality contract and showed our ID and GOT OUR WRISTBAND!!! (KANDJFJRJDJ)!! It said United Kingdom on it, written in reputation font!!! SO EXCITING! We then went down the stairs to a room with lots of chairs in. There were refreshments, and hot drinks (yay for cold me!) for us while we waited for further instructions.

Then we were told to leave our stuff behind, including phone, and the first 25 people went on a bus. Me and Alex got on the second bus. Now I stared getting SO nervous, it’s ridiculous. Before we went on we where scanned by security. Then the bus took off! We drove a title while and was driving through the most posh neighbourhood EVER, like I WANNA LIVE THERE! The bus stopped and we were told to be quiet while we went off. I realised we were at a house, and you could only guess I was thinking we were at TAYLORS HOUSE!! There were lots of security while we were taken in a back entrance of the house and in through the basement. I had to knock on the door 😂 (so I could say I knocked on Taylor Swifts door, I know I’m extra 😂). We got scanned by security again before we were taken up to the kitchen. GUYS, THIS HOUSE IS AMAZING!! ITS SO HUGE. We still haven’t by this point been told where we are, but duh 🙄. I KNEW we were at Taylor’s house. Her kitchen is beautiful! She has 4 ovens!! There were lots of snack on the counters. Homemade chicken nuggets, fruit, cheese and fizzy drinks. There were also REP cookies!! And REP m&ms! SO COOL! Andrea and Scott was also in the kitchen talking to other fans. Me and Alex just hung around and talked to a few people. Then Lyndsay and Megan arrived, we hugged each other cos they also realised where we were. We then ended up talking to Scott. He has never been to Norway!! And I told him he neeeeeds to come here.

Her house smells AMAZING. I obviously had to see which candles she was burning so I could by them 😂. We were then told to get in a line as we were going to a different room. This was after everyone had arrived and had some food. Me, Alex, lyndsay and Megan were quite up front as we were taken to a living room. There were cushions on the floor and we sat down. I sat down not even thinking about where. Me and Alex chose a high cushion and shared it. A 100 people was going to fit in this room and it got really tight! When everyone had found a spot there was some whispering and the door opened a little. THEN THE QUEEN THAT IS TAYLOR SWIFT WALKS INTO THE FUCKING ROOM AND IM SCREAMING. We were so loud! I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH 😭😭 Like I couldn’t believe she was like right there in the same room as me. As I was having difficulties breathing she sat down like 2 meters away from me and Alex, we had such a good view of her like OMG. Then she said we were going to hear the whole FUCKING ALBUM AND WE DIED. We now knew this was A FUCKING SECRET SESSIONS PEOPLE! SHE ALSO SAID SHE HANDPICKED EVERYONE! I FUCKING DIED! TAYLOR HAS LURKED ME FOR A YEAR WITHOUT ME KNOWING 😭😭 I’ve never had a like or a follow, and I don’t have many followers on any social media. STILL SHE FOUND ME! I’m got eye contact with her so many times during the listening 😭😭😍! SHE IS SO HAPPY TOO!! I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH! AND IM TELLING YOU GUYS THIS ALBUM IS BLODDY AMAZING. (If you think you are stupid enough that I’m going to tell anything about the album, you are being funny, don’t bother asking 😉)

After she had pledged the album we got to look through the magazines!!! THEY ARE AMAZING AND IM SO HAPPY I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY ONE WHEN THEY COME OUT!! Then we waited to meet her JENFBDJSSHHSHDB 😭. I was getting so nervous by this point. Like I was going to meet the one person who has been there for me for so many years and I get to tell her how much I love her. We were one of the earlier ones to be sent in to meet her. Megan and Lyndsay were in front of us and a free they finished it was our turn.

I RAN OVER TO HER AND HUGGED HER AND SHE DIDNT LET GO UNTIL I DID 😭😭 I just couldn’t believe what was happening. She then hugged Alex and told me SHE FUCKING LOVE MY OUTFIT! She said “I love this whole outfit situation going on” I died. I told her that it’s not something I wear a lot and she said “you should definitely do!” IM OBVIOUSLY NEVER TAKING THIS OUTFIT OFF. Alex then said he wanted to wear the same outfit but we couldn’t match so he said I could wear it, and she laughed 😂 I love how we had a sarcastic conversation with Taylor Swift 😂 She then laughed at Alex’s apology for his bored resting face. I’m SO PROUD OF HIM SPEAKING TO TALOR, you have no idea! ❤️❤️ Then we were told to move to the side a bit cos they were going to open up the front door (so no one could see she was living there). This gave us more time with her and I’m so grateful! I then asked her about anxiety with singing and she gave me tips on singing and performing in front of people. TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT GAVE ME ADVISE ON SINGING AND PERFORMING!! JJDNDJDJFJRJD. Alex then thanked her for giving him the best friends ever and she hugged us both again 😍 Then it was time for picture. We didn’t plan a pose, we just took one. SHE RESTED HER HEAD ON ME AND I SISNT NOTICED BEFORE I SAW THE PIC! It’s so adorable 😍 There were so much more I wanted to tell her, wish I had a few more minutes but I guess she had ALOT of other people to meet.

We then went out in the hallway and ended up talking to Andrea. She reminds me so much of my mom!! She is also a bit similar! I told her about my mom and that she was worried I was sleeping in the airport by my self the following night. We then talked about how happy Taylor is and she was tearing up 😭 It was so beautiful to see how happy her parents were for her 😍😍 We gave her a biiiiig hug and then walked down to the basement again. There we stood trying to comprehend what just happened. I still don’t believe it, don’t know if I ever will? We then got merch!!! We got a REP tote bag, pop socket, t-shirt, a sticker, a cap and the best thing ever, a exclusive keychain that only us on the secret sessions London got. IT WAS SO NICE OF THEM! We were then sent on the bus back to the hotel. There we spoke to Ali about confidentially again and what we could talk about and not. She is so sweet!! Megan and Lyndsay old us TAYLOR KNEW WE WERE IN NASHVILLE TOGETHER 😭😭 OMG!!

When we came back to the hotel I called my mom and SOBBED. I couldn’t even talk to her cos I was crying too much. Then I posted online on my social media about what happened and my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR TALOR SWIFT. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR THIS!! And thank you to Taylor Nation for giving us this opportunity, it means so much to us ❤️ The picture ended up perfect and I’m going to hang it on my wall so I can stare at it everyday 😍 I’ve been crying since Sunday cos this has been so so emotional to me. I can’t even tell people what happened without crying.

@isturkeyanickname

I’m sorry this story is a mile long 😂

Thank you so much @taylorswift and @taylornation

anonymous asked:

Eliza! :D Do a mini story of Kara meeting Lena in the train to London! If you would like? Or like, something with Kara and Lena in the UK, in a place you like? If you're not inspired then no worries, I wish you a good day <3

there’s a distractingly athletic girl walking down the train, counting seats. lena lets herself watch until the girl is five rows away and then she returns her eyes to her computer screen.

“thirty six, thirty five, thirty four, thirty three, god this train goes on forever,” she mutters and lena smiles down at an email in which she’s referred to as incompetent twice. the girl has a nice voice, american accent obvious but it’s light like it’s learned and the way she speaks the numbers is odd. lena can’t quite pinpoint what it is, exactly, and when the girl speaks again, right at lena’s side, she looks up and into unexpectedly blue eyes. “twenty seven! and a friend, hello!”

“hello,” lena returns, and the girl pulls off her hiking pack and lifts it effortlessly up into the roof racks. her shirt lifts slightly and lena looks out the window, face hot.

“would you like me to lift your bag up?”

lena knows she hadn’t brought a bag with her so the girl isn’t speaking to her - she turns, curious, and there’s the tiniest old lady lena has ever seen chatting away with lena’s “friend” in what she’s pretty sure is welsh. the suitcase is as big as the lady and the girl lifts it like it weighs nothing, tucking it neatly into place. she speaks with her for a little longer, checks the ticket and walks her to seat “thirty four!” as the girl happily announces.

finally, only a few minutes before the train is set to depart, the girl takes her own seat. she looks around for a minute for a seatbelt, grins sheepishly to lena when there isn’t one.

“hi again. i’m kara.”

she doesn’t hold her hand out or anything like that, not at first. when lena nods and says, “lena,” back, kara jumps like she’d forgotten and she holds out her hand, which lena takes. she wouldn’t normally, perhaps, but she’s nineteen and terribly gay and kara has really nice hands. they’re warm and dry and soft and wrap gently around her hand, a bit larger than lena’s own. her nails are short and broad and very clean without a hint of paint and lena looks a little abashedly at the faintly chipping purple on her own nails.

“i like the purple,” kara says, hesitating over the word purple, and lena is entranced and allows herself to be swayed away from her momentary shame. “i don’t really paint my nails, i never seem to have time for it. sometimes i paint my toes with my sister but not very often.” there’s something wistful in that and lena looks to her email and closes the top of her computer. “oh, you don’t have to do that!”

“it’s work,” lena tells her, which is as much again as she’s already said to this stranger. “i appreciate the distraction, if i’m honest.”

“in that case,” kara grins - so happily and prettily lena suspects she doesn’t realise how absolutely right she is when she says, “i am an Excellent distraction.”

kara is eighteen and taking some time off university, she tells lena exactly two minutes into their journey. she loves learning and the whole university experience, but there were so many people and sometimes, she confesses, it’s very nice to be around people you won’t see ever again.

lena nods. she can understand that.

kara doesn’t seem to mind that for every seven things she tells lena about herself, lena says one. maybe one. she just carries on, big gestures and big smiles and big stories.

“okay, okay,” kara laughs, hands up. “that’s enough from me,” she insists. lena’s sides hurt from laughing - at kara, technically, but since she was laughing too it didn’t feel mean, and really what other response to kara being dragged on stage with an improvisation crew was there? “i need to recover,”

“no please, go on,” lena teases, and she’s certain this time that kara’s eyes dip down to her lips. she’s been almost certain five times now but this time, this time she’s truly certain. her smile grows and kara flushes a light pink.

“no,” kara tells her, a little weakly. she clears her throat. “i’m, um, mortified.”

“with good reason,” lena tells her, and then dread freezes her gut because that was too mean, kara has been nothing but nice, that was nasty - but kara is laughing and nodding and lena sips at her terrible coffee, trying to unthaw. “i’m sorry,”

“no, honestly, i don’t know how i managed to get in so much trouble,” kara laughs. she drinks her coffee and makes a face.

“we can order you something else, you know,” lena offers, and relief wrecks kara’s displeased expression.

“really?”

“of course,” lena says smoothly, though this is one more in a now significantly long list of Slightly Odd Things kara has done. she can’t quite figure out how they’re connected but she can’t help noting them.

“great. it’s just, they came past with the tray and i didn’t know what they said so when you said coffee and i just copied you.” kara flushes again but it’s a miserable kind of embarrassment and lena finds herself reaching across the little table and taking kara’s hand. she rubs her thumb over the sharp knobs of her knuckles and smiles.

“i had a dreadfully boring trip,” she tells kara, ignoring her embarrassment. “i was working the entire time and the only good part so far has been you.” the words come out without planning and lena wants to snatch them back out of the air where they hang for a frozen moment but it’s too late.

kara is smiling again, a little shyly but so pleased, and lena decides she’ll just have to leave it if it makes kara smile like that.

“what are you working on?”

“wind turbines, for my brothers company. we’re looking at prototypes we can use here since they already use them.”

“that’s very cool,” kara compliments, which lena shrugs away. “smart is sexy,” she tells lena like she’s repeating it from someone, and then she flushes absolutely red and pulls her hand gently away. “i mean, that’s what i’ve heard!”

“right.” lena tries not to laugh at her, she really does, but kara lifts both hands up to hide her face and it’s so endearing lena laughs - once, loudly, and surprised by the volume she stops but can’t entirely halt the quiet laughs. she lifts one hand to cover her mouth and kara peeks over at her, the corner of her mouth tilted up in, lena examines her for a moment, perhaps the softest smile lena has ever been treated to. “kara,” lena begins, making sure that there are plenty of free seats to move to if necessary, “do you want to make out with me?”

kara stares at her for a moment, hands dropping to her lap. she licks her lips. “uh,”

lena tilts her head invitingly to the seats near them, side by side, and kara stands so quickly her head hits the roof racks above.

lena hisses sympathetically and kara is a touch slow to lift a hand, to grimace at the pain. there’s a strange creaking sound when lena stands, but she can’t be certain where it’s coming from, so she ignores it. very easily indeed when kara slides into the seat next to her and she’s warm and lena can put her hand on her thigh and the other around her neck and tug her in for a surprisingly gentle kiss. and quick.

“kara?”

“sorry i’m just,” kara grins, waves a hand very vaguely. “this is really nice and you’re so soft and you smell really good and i’m really enjoying this, it’s just really new.”

“oh.” lena pauses. “do you want to stop?”

“no! i have a great learning curve, don’t even worry!” kara reassures her about something lena hadn’t been worried about, and it has the incredible benefit of making lena think about other things kara might pick up very quickly.

“right,” she says, mostly to herself but a little to kara who is examining her like she’s something precious to memorise, and she returns the favour for a moment before leaning in slowly and pressing her lips to kara’s again, shivering when she feels kara respond, press closer, slip her hand into her thick hair and cradle the back of her head - like she’s precious, lena thinks again, and she introduces a little teeth.

it’s ridiculous how much kara likes that, and how hot she sounds when she sighs happily or moans when lena first kisses her neck, and lena finds herself abruptly furious at the thought that this might end as soon as the train pulls into london.

“what are you doing tonight?” she asks kara, who doesn’t mind that they’ve stopped, just leans back against the armrest with her mussed hair and a happy smile.

“um, going to my hostel. but nothing else. why?”

“stay with me,” lena suggests.

kara blinks. then, before lena can explain or reassure her that she’s not a serial killer, she nods. “sure. i would love that.”

lena stares at her. then, not wanting to point out all the reasons why that probably shouldn’t have been her answer, she pulls kara into another kiss.

she’s the strangest girl lena has ever met, and for maybe the first time this is someone lena wants to…to be around. not just someone to annoy her mother or to get away from home for a night or because she hasn’t spoken to someone for a week and she’s recognising the signs of loneliness, but genuine connection. and lena knows her own faults: she knows her voracity, and her wants, and her rather embarrassing desperation for someone’s entire attention, and her tendency to build relationships with the least amount of interaction as possible so she cut people very sharply out of her life with very little difficulty. but this time, she thinks, it feels different.

missing you - tom holland imagine #4

Originally posted by spiderholland

about : Tom is away at SDCC while promoting Spider-Man Homecoming. Things start to go downhill as a Facetime call ensues and jealousy arises. 


Warnings : a teeny bit sad. drunk tom!


-


The ID caller showed up on your phone and you grinned, flopping down onto the bed as you answered the call. Tom’s smiling face filled your screen and you giggled, greeting him with a simple ‘hello Thomas’.

“Y/N! It’s crazy here!” Tom shouted, “I’ve never seen anything like this before! There were thousands of people on the panel it was insane!”

“Are you having fun?” You asked, a small yet tired simper reaches your lips.

“Loads! Everyone’s amazing! Laura is here, Jacob is here, Tony is here, oh and Zendaya is here too!” He continued to ramble on about how everyone had secretly arrived to the convention but your heart sank at her name.

Tom was an extremely sweet person, and he was definitely good-looking. Your biggest fear from letting him leave to Atlanta was him finding someone new. What if he found someone else prettier, smarter and better than you? Maybe he was already tired of you.

And it didn’t help that Zendaya was a part of your worry. She was the kind of girl you’d always want to be. She was gorgeous and successful, not to mention extremely talented. You let your insecurity get the best of you sometimes and you would always feel a bit glum whenever you saw them together. However, Tom wasn’t aware that you felt that way.

“Isn’t Zendaya pretty?” you piped up randomly, playing with the hem of your sweatpants.

“Yes, she is. Why?” Tom sounded confused. He looked at something behind the camera and he laughed, slapping his chest.

“Oh, that’s amazing, Z,” he chuckled before looking back at you on the phone, “sorry babe, were you saying something?”

You were about to say something before he interrupted you, laughing again and talking to someone you could only assume was Zendaya. You could hear her laughter too and you flinched, feeling annoyed. Anger and jealousy was already bubbling inside of you. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed at how he was so oblivious to you on the phone as he dropped his phone to his side so all you could see was his pants.

This was the first time in days he had facetimed you, and you felt so put off by how he wasn’t even paying attention to you.

Pissed off, you pressed the end call button hardly, ending the facetime. You put your phone beside you and picked up your laptop, trying to calm yourself down.

It seemed like the world wanted to rub everything in your face when you clicked on a random song on your spotify. Everything I’m Not by The Veronicas came on and you gasped, throwing up your arms in anger.

“Oh, come on!” You yelled at no one in particular.

The song blasted on your speakers and you sighed, letting it play.

Your phone beeped once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Tom’s face popped up on the screen, indicating a call coming in from him.

You ignored it, letting the ringtone play amongst the loud tunes of The Veronicas.

It stopped for a few seconds before ringing again. This time you decided to decline the call.

A text came in. You peeked.

Tom x : babe, what’s up? u  just hung up?

10. 50 pm

Tom x : y/n? Im gonna call u again.

10. 52 pm

Tom x : why did u decline the call?

10. 58 pm

Tom x : did i do something wrong?

11. 05 pm

You snorted, picking up your phone and typing a quick reply.

Me : idk ask zendaya lmao

Me : im gonna sleep. Have fun at comic con.

Just as you were about to put away your phone, it vibrated.

Tom x : I think I know what’s going on. Are you jealous of Z?

11.08 pm

Tom x : I hope you know I love you, and that I will never eye another girl that’s not you. I understand how you feel, I get sad whenever I think of all the other boys that are with you everyday. So i dont blame you. But you can trust me love. I promise.

11.09 pm

Tom x : z and i are just friends, nothing more babe. Im way too in love with you. Also im sorry if ive been distant. I miss you so much and i havent been able to really talk to you. Ive been very busy with work and everything else i just idk i feel really guilty now.

11.11 pm

 

Tom x : call me back when u wanna talk. Im sorry, i love you. Xx

11.13 pm

You sighed, giving in. You could tell he was feeling really crappy about it as you watched a livestream of the convention. Marvel was holding a livestream for the interviews and you saw Tom pop up in the screen when you opened the website.

His eyes were downcast even though he had a small smile on his face. Tom was less energetic and gave the interviewer half-assed answers. He kept crossing and uncrossing his arms and he fidgeted a lot on his feet.

His iPhone was gripped tightly in his hand, and every few seconds he went to check it.

Probably for my reply, you thought.

When the interviewer ended, you saw him walk away from the camera. The interviewer was about to interview Lupita Nyong’o next when another text from Tom came in.

Tom x : love i really am sorry. maybe u went to sleep already. Im sorry. I love you. Goodnight. Xx

11.25 pm

“Meh screw it,” you mumbled, pressing the call icon on his contact name.

He picked it up immediately after the third ring.

“Hello?” he said quickly.

“It’s okay,” you sighed, slumping on the bed, “sorry, I just got jealous. I shouldn’t have hung up on you like that.

“It’s just..I miss you so much Tom. And we haven’t facetimed in so long and.. I don’t know I was pretty pissed off by how you weren’t paying attention to me.”

“I know, I know,” you could hear his guilt from across the line, “I’m really sorry. There’s just been a lot going on right now.”

You sighed, “okay, now go and have fun. We can talk more later. I’m not mad at you anymore so don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, I’ll be fine,” You lied through your teeth, even mustering a fake smile.

Tom hummed, before speaking again, “I’ll call you when you wake up. I love you so much, Y/N. Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight,” you mumbled back as you hit the ‘end call’.

Grabbing a pillow from the top of the bed, you clutched it tightly into your chest as sobs began to rack through your body. The tears didn’t stop flowing, even after half an hour.

You’d think he would notice that you really weren’t okay.

You missed him so much.

And it already felt like, to you, he was slowly drifting away.

-

The next morning was horrendous. You woke up to the feel of your soggy pillow and puffy eyes. Rubbing your face, you snuggled further into your duvet.

There was no way you were going out today. Your heart felt the heaviest it had felt in a long time and nothing seemed to motivate you to get out of bed.

You missed him too much.

Making calls to everyone, you apologised for not feeling well and rescheduled everything.

Nothing mattered more than the ache in your heart. If your mind wasn’t in the game, there would be no point in getting into the game in the first place.

You decided to check your notifications and was surprised by the amount of texts Tom had sent in.

Tom x : Good morning, babe. I hope you slept well. I’m out here in San Diego, in some bar. Missing you. 💛

7.30 am

Tom x : I hope you’re not angry anymore. It’s been bothering me the whole day. I’m still sorry.

7.45 am

Tom x : baEb i lpve you si much…….im sorry yoi think i luv zebdaya….i dont… i love you im sorry

8.30 am

Tom x : jacOb says in Drunk! Haha@ he keeps tellinf me that i should go homE

8.35 am

Tom x : i sAid wherE? LonDon? He saiD no You IdioT the Hotel

8.36 am

Tom x : i saiD it aInt HoME UNLESS y/n is wit me

8.38 am

Tom x : jeusu chrisy i lovw you

9.00 am

Tom x : i jusT PUKED  I WISH YORE HERE Y/N YOU MAKe me FEEL BETTER

9.28 am

Tom x : I MISS YOUUUY

9.35 am

You stared at the screen, taking it all in.

Tom got drunk last night.

Yet, all his words seemed so sincere. Just before you could exit the chat, a new message came in.

Instead, this was from Harrison.

Haz O : hey y/n, i think you probably read the drunk texts tom has been sending. just want to tell you. tom has been drinking a lot for the past 2 hours. he’s upset, y/n. after he puked on the sidewalk, he cried. he cried about how much he missed you and how he didn’t deserve you. that you lie when you say you’re okay. he said that it would be easier if you both broke up. you could find someone better. so, stop being mad at tom. there’s nothing going on between z and tom. If they did, i would’ve told you. he’s feeling so guilty for no reason.

You felt hot tears gathering at the side of your eyes. He was beating himself up because of your jealousy. Guilt took over you as you fumbled to type out a quick reply. A plan was already forming in your head and although it involved a lot of money, you knew it would help in fixing this problem.

It was probably too reckless and spontaneous, but you had enough of missing Tom and clearly, Tom was sick of missing you too.

You : I’m getting on the next flight to San Diego. Take care of Tom for me. x