just a playlist for me writing fics


This is my song for V/Jihyun. It’s what I normally listen to when I write fics for him. Though it makes me sad.

Anyway, it’s not on Spotify so I can’t add it to the Mystic Messenger Playlists and thought I had to share it anyway. For the V fans ^^

New ficlet: No one could save me (but you)

Can I just say that this is all Tarjei’s fault? He just HAD to go and make that playlist and it just HAD to include “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak on it, which made me think of Even and caused me to spiral helplessly until I spat this thing out. Which I know sounds very appealing.

Anyway have the thing—it’s short, angsty, a little bit smutty, and takes place during 8:10, in the elevator/hotel room right before everything goes to hell. There’s a fairly heavy emphasis on Even slipping into mania, in case that’s something you want to avoid.

Here on AO3: No one could save me (but you)


Isak, who didn’t want to kiss him on the street—even as Even’s mind was shouting yes yes please let’s show them let’s show them—but now shoots him a small, coy smile, who leans in and brushes his wicked mouth over Even’s, softly, without much fire but with so much heat, it leaves Even trembling, quaking inside. He feels his hands involuntarily clench into fists at his sides, and he almost chokes with how much he’s trying to hold back, to resist the urge to grab, to take. But oh God, he wants.

Always Summer

Here’s a little thing that I wrote a few weeks ago in my creative writing class that I almost forgot about! Is this the first time I’ve written a gen piece without any pairings? I have no idea. *shrugs*

Well! The prompt was to shuffle our music playlists and just start writing whatever comes to mind with the first song that pops up. The song for me was “Always Summer” from “Brideshead Revisited” and then… this was born. Hope you all enjoy!


It was a beautiful day today.

The corners of Michael’s lips lifted into a tranquil smile as he observed his surroundings, elbows draped over his knees and bottom in the grass. The sun was out and glaring brilliantly upon the Earth, her rays coating him with warmth and lingering happiness. White clouds spotted the sky, each of them standing out against the cerulean sheet. Nature was thriving around him, green and flush and colorful with fields of wild flowers, swaying gently in the soft breeze.

Michael’s eyes fluttered shut and his smile widened into a grin, tilting his head back to allow for the rays to hit upon his throat as well.

It was a beautiful day. Beautiful, quiet, and peaceful.


Michael fought the urge to quiver his grin into a laugh. He knew extremely well by now that beautiful days like today were never a cause for peace and tranquility.

Not when he had a brother like Gabriel.

Michael’s eyes snapped open just in time to catch sight of his brother launching himself forward, and a startled bark of amusement slipped past Michael’s lips as Gabriel crashed into him, knocking him back into the field. Michael regained the upper hand quickly, unraveling himself from his brother’s grasp and slipped one arm around Gabriel’s, locking him in place while his free hand curled into a fist and rubbed against Gabriel’s scalp in a harsh yet affectionate motion. Gabriel’s roaring, rambunctious laughter filled the once silent atmosphere, and Michael could not help but join him in his childlike joy.

“Michael, what are you doing here?” Gabriel gasped once his laughter had subsided, cheeks flushed as he pried himself out of Michael’s grip. “I thought Father said that we weren’t to come out here yet.”

“I know that,” Michael said, smiling warmly as he readjusted himself into his previous sitting position.

Gabriel sat down beside his brother. “You’re going to get into trouble.”

“I think he’ll be okay with it,” Michael soothed, casting his eyes back over the horizon. “Just this one time.”

Gabriel shrugged and didn’t answer, instead choosing to glance off into the distance, following Michael’s gaze. After a moment, he spoke again. “What are you doing here?”

Michael’s lips pressed together a little more tightly in thought. “… Reflecting.”

“On?” Gabriel drawled, nudging his arm against Michael’s.

Michael paused, drawing his bottom lip into his mouth. He lifted his eyes toward the skies, blinking.

“Everything, I suppose,” he answered truthfully a moment later, and he was almost surprised at the weight hanging on the word. Michael dropped his eyes back down to his hands, linking his fingers together. “Yeah. Everything.”

Gabriel seemed to understand well enough, remaining silent. He dropped his hand into the grass, fingers sliding into the delicate blades pensively.  “I think I know what you mean,” Gabriel muttered.

Michael sighed, nodding.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Michael raised his eyes toward his brother, frowning. “What?”

Gabriel gestured almost carelessly around them. “This. Earth. All of it. The skies, and the grass, and the sun, and the fields, and the flowers, and the waters, and Earth. It’s beautiful.”

Slowly, Michael nodded once more, looking back at the open field before them, feeling his prior smile return to his face in light of the gorgeous summer’s day around them. He felt relentlessly small in front of it all, tiny in the midst of nature. But it filled him to the brim with delight, despite the faraway ache beginning to seep into his chest.

“Yes, it is,” Michael whispered.

Again, Gabriel didn’t respond, and Michael vaguely thought about how out of character his brother was acting.

Maybe it was the sun.

The two brothers remained side by side in silence for a long while, taking in the warm breeze and glowing sunrays, relishing in the greens of the trees and rainbow of the flowers. Eventually though, reluctantly, Michael lifted himself up. He offered a hand to his brother, and Gabriel took it immediately.

“Let’s go home, brother,” Michael smiled.

Gabriel smiled back, a tint of sadness shining through the typically happy expression.

There were no birds, but the sound of feathers gently whipped through the air, trailing off and dissipating the only evidence of Michael and Gabriel’s presence.

Well… I spend hours responding to asks making playlists for people, or just responding to random asks, spend hours of my life writing fics at others’ requests, be open to every single opinion known to man and encourage people to share their perspectives whether we agree or not, and somehow… still… I’m a dick.


I’m done with tumblr for a while. I have work to do anyway.


Summary: Phil has a cheating boyfriend. Dan is a poet with a crush, facing an ultimatum.

Genre: University AU (poet!Dan)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, swearing, many elements of angst, implied smut, vague implication of abuse (only two lines)

Word Count: 33.6k

Fic Playlist (ordered chronologically to follow the storyline as it progresses)

Read on ao3

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i just really want to write agood, cute fic with long chapters and an intersting plot line and good characterisation that people talk to me about and draw fanart and make playlists for. but i also can’t form words into cohorent sentences and would rather sit here and talk about how much i want to write than actually doing it

Something About You

part oo1 !! aka the one where justin takes an interest in his dad’s new fiancée.

so this is a new mini fic i’m co-writing w the dream team. since there’s three of us, i won’t be writing again until the fourth chapter ( which allows me to work on my 2 other mini fics bYe ) so make sure you follow @justinbieberisms and @biebtastics for the second and third part !! you could also track the tag #SAYfic for their updates if you just don’t wanna follow them. ion blame u thith !! lastly, this gets smutty but briefly. it lasts like two paragraphs and it isn’t very detailed my b.

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I was writing my fic about Captain Canary and Super Arrow and just got inspired to write a Karamel fic about what really happened after their kiss on that couch and how they ended up in her bed… cause my brain won’t give me a break and loves to multitask ^^

If I manage to save my new playlist (My brain just functions with music) today, I’ll try to post it by the end of the week. 

Say His Name: (Zico+Reader)

Drown With Me 

Just a somber and chill playlist to start off with. Hopefully this will help set the mood of the relationship I had in mind for Zico & the reader. The playlist consists mellow tracks that send a powerful message of love and relationships, good and bad. I pay a lot of attention to the lyrics of each of these songs as well as the overall sound of them. Each sends the message I want to portray in my writing. 

I’d pair this playlist with Parts I + III primarily but it gives a great vibe for the whole story. 

Here’s the Master-list 

*(Link in title)

senselesssamii  asked:

Writers ask: #13 & #5💕

5. what inspires you to write?
Talking to friends about my ideas @poe-also-bucky and @illbeyourgentlemanstory are absolutely amazing friends when it comes to writing and help motivate me to write 💙 listening to songs helps a lot, I have quite a diverse music taste and for quite a few of my fics I have playlists full of songs from different genres. Reading their stories also inspires me ☺️

13. who are your favorite writers?
Firstly you have definitely become one of my new favourite writers!
@just-some-drabbles, @illbeyourgentlemanstory, @thegenderqueerbatman & @whotheeffisbucky 💙
All amazing and fantastic 💙

momdadimpoppunk  asked:

Patholoholiday 4 & 13!

Aw, thanks for the ask! This one was fun to write. 


4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?
“Yess,” she says shirtily. “I wrote it on my hand in Sharpie. Marker. I will see you there.”

It cracks me up when she tries to pretend she’s not lit. Heh.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading? I looked up a list of songs from 1997 and listened to a few just for fun, so I guess that would be the playlist; the song referenced in the fic is Meredith Brooks’s “Bitch,” which is the kind of thing people (especially) yell-sing along to when they’re drunk in large groups, so it made sense to me to use it.

Sleep well Little Lion

Prompt: Dan came back from Germany, and Phil is happy because of that. But he hasn’t slept well since he has depression. And since they haven’t been together since Dan left, they have a whole afternoon together but Phil was too tired and depressed because he was up all the nights depressed or waiting for Dan to wake up and smile a little again.

A/N: Thank you so much for the likes! I actually thought that my brain wasn’t good enough to write something that people would like! I hope you like my oneshots! If you want to send me a prompt!
Phan status: together

Warnings: Just a little bit of angst

Recommended: I did a playlist with the songs they have the names of the fic so if you want to, listen with it! If you are on a mobile device and since idk if you can listen,here are the links to the songs/audio!

To write love on her arms

Pooh bear audio

Steal my boy

Phil’s POV
Dan went to Germany for a project that he was doing, so I was left home alone for a few days, which was sad, because I missed him laughing at the TV shows, the cuddles and eating together. I haven’t slept well for a month actually. I actually have been sleeping like 2-3 hours per day,and naps with Dan only. I have been feeling useless lately, talentless, worthless. But since he was not here, I only slept like 1-2 hours. On nights, I think about the talentless person I am.Today, he was coming back from Germany. I was so excited that I actually didn’t get any sleep at all last night. It was 1pm when he told me he was here, so I went to the airport to pick him up.

When I arrived, he was getting out of the airplane, and it looked like he just woke up. When he saw me, he came to me and he hugged me.
“Hey babe! I missed you so much"I hugged him tightly.
"I missed you too Phil"Dan smiled sleepily
I helped Dan walk because he had a lot of bags in his hands. Also, because he was still kind of sleepy. He was rubbing his eye in such an adorable way, and he had the totoro plushie I gave him for 1 year anniversary in his hand, which made him look like a little kid just waking up. He looked adorable when he was waking up.
"I also see that you have hobbit hair today Dan, I missed the hobbit hair too.”- I told him joking
“Phil, I just woke up, that’s why. My hair also missed you touching it while cuddles.”-Dan
“You look adorable when you are sleepy” I told him laughing
“No I don’t”
“Yes you do!”I told him and then I gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

At this time, we got into a taxi. Dan got a call and he talked most of the time on the road. Then, he hung up.
There was a silence for about 3 minutes until I talked
“What *yawns* time is it?”-I asked while rubbing my eyes
“It’s 2:23; Are you tired Phil?"Dan asked curious
"I actually am not tired, but how about you?”- I answered
“I kind of fell asleep when the airplane started to leave Germany. And then, I woke up when the flight attendant said that we were here. So, I am not tired at all. But you look tired Phil"Dan said as he looked on my face. I hoped the dark bags were under my eyes weren´t that easy to notice…
"I actually am not tired, I slept like a baby last night”- I said lying to Dan.
“If you say so…"Dan smiled and giving a kiss to my cheek.
I didn’t want Dan to notice, but the dark circles under my eyes are getting more and more prominent.  He’ll notice soon, and he’ll make fun of me, and he will think I am a useless person. What if he sees that I am useless and breaks uup with me?

Dan’s POV:
When we arrived home, it was like 3 pm
"Do you want me to help you unpack?”-Phil asked
“I will unpack tomorrow. I actually am pretty lazy to do it today”- Dan
“Well, what do you want to do then?”- Phil
“Maybe some Mario Kart?"I asked
"Ok, do you want me to order pizza?"Phil asked
"Yeah, I think that is a good idea”
“Ok, turn on the wii u, I will order the pizza.”-Phil told me as he gave me a kiss
“Love you Bear”
“Love you too Lion”

I turned on the wii u and I told him that everything was ready.
While we were playing Mario kart 8, Phil rubbed his eyes slowly while yawning occasionally. He actually looked pretty tired, but also adorable. But the online round started, so I had to get ready to play. Since we were playing online, I was going as fast as possible. And Phil was actually going pretty slow because of rubbing his eyes.

“Are you sure you are not tired?”- I asked
“I’m pretty sure I am not tired Dan. I just need…tea!, that’s all”- Phil told me with a smile while rubbing his eyes.

We played a lot of rounds. When the rounds ended, I got 1st place, and Phil got 7th on 16 out of 20 of the rounds. He never gets lower than 3rd. NEVER.

“Phil, come on, what happened?”- I asked him
“It happened that I got 7th” He answered laughing
“You never get 7th Phil. And you get angry when you get to 3rd.”-
“It just has happened once, I know I am an amazing *yawns* racer”- He said while rubbing his eyes again
“And also amazingly tired, Lion, you need to rest now"I told him, hoping he´d understand.
"But it’s 5pm, we have a lot of time of the day to be with each other. It’s not even 9pm Dan”
“But…”-Then the doorbell rang
*door bell rings*
“The pizza is here!”- Phil said to avoid going to bed. He got up quickly with the money and went downstairs.

Phil’s POV
I went downstairs for the pizza to avoid talking about sleeping. I wanted to play videogames with Dan as much as possible, but maybe he didn´t want to. Maybe he wanted me to sleep so he could be free of this idiot. But when I was going downstairs, I felt like I was going to fall, everything started to make me feel tired, but I didn’t fall asleep. I opened the door, paid and then brought the pizza to the table. Dan wanted to watch Netflix so I told him that it was fine by me. “So, what do you want to watch?”- I asked Dan
“We can watch some Pokémon if you want to"he answered
"Ok, put it then"I told him
we watched Pokémon until about 8pm. Like it was still on the TV but Dan started a pillow fight so we fighted and we made pillow forts. I had my Pikachu onesie and Dan had his Charizard onesie on. I was actually about to fall asleep on the fort, but then Dan started attacking.
"I am going to win this pillow fight!"Dan said on a sweet way
"No you are not! Are you ticklish Dan?"I asked him sarcastically
"No I’m not.”- Dan lied.
“Well, prove it then!”-I told him smiling while getting close to him
I started to tickle Dan, he looked adorable.

A while later, we decided to stop playing the fort fights because we wanted to write all the 150 Pokémon names on a piece of paper.
Dan’s POV
we started to write the names, it took us like 5 minutes to get to the half of the list. But then Phil got a phone call, it was Louise
"Hi Louise”-I told her
“Hi, I thought you were going to be on Germany for a few more days.”-Louise.
“No, I really wanted to come back to see Phil, so I came a little earlier than the BBC r1 people.”
We talked for a while and then I passed the phone to Phil. I was just watching how Phil was talking and rubbing his eyes, he really needed to sleep. A while later, Phil left the room to talk personally. Then, I thought of a Pokémon character, but I actually didn’t remember his name. And all the devices were in the Phil’s bedroom, with no battery. So, I slowly walked to Phi’s room, to not bother him. I opened the door slowly, to not make too much noise. But when I got closer, I heard a small part of the conversation that actually surprised me.

*In the conversation*
“Louise, I’m fine, I am just not tired"Phil rubbed his eyes. Of course he was lying.
"But you haven’t slept well since the last time we talked! That was last month!"Louise said as I opened my mouth widely. ONE MONTH?!
"Don’t worry, I’m fine, at least I sleep like 1-2 hours with Dan"Phil said before yawning.
"If this continues, you are going with me to the doctor, deal?Depression is hard I know, but we have to try to at least sleep.”- Louise said worriedly. Was Phil depressed?
“Deal”- Phil yawned
“Ok, I have to go; I will message you tomorrow to see how you are doing, Bye.”-Louise
When Phil hung up, he noticed me.
“Dan, how long have you been here?”- Phil scared
“The time enough to hear that you haven’t slept well in a month”-I told him a little angry.
“I…I…I…don’t know what to say”-Phil scared with his eyes full of tears
“You just need to tell me why this happened”-I told him a bit calmed.
“I…*sniff*…I…can’t…tell you”-Phil said with more tears on his eyes, shaling a bit now.
At this moment he started crying, he ran to the living room and he started to cry on a pillow
“Phil!”-I said worried while running to him
“Why don’t you want me to know?”-I asked worried
“You…you…may think this is*sniff*dumb and I…I don’t want you to make fun of me”-Phil
“I will never make fun of you crying babe, I love you more than anything in this world, you are my best friend and boyfriend. I won’t make fun of you crying, never.”-I told him
“Promise?”-Phil asked me sniffing
“Promise”-I told Phil and then I gave him a kiss
“Well, I…*sniff* have been*sniff* hating myself a lot lately, I feel *sniff* useless, like this person that went famous on the internet, has a perfect boyfriend, lives with him, but that has no talent”-Phil said before breaking into tears.
“And why didn’t you tell me?”
“When I am with you, I feel happy. Watching you asleep, makes me *sniff*smile and you look so happy in your dreams, you smile while you are asleep, which is lovely. And I don’t want you to wake up for my dumb interruption of depression"Phil said while sniffling..
When I heard that words, my heart was breaking in small pieces.
"What are you talking about Phil? You are the one that helped me get out of my depression, the one that made me continue on my channel, the one that helped me on my existential crisis, the one that makes me smile every single day since I left depression, the one that made millions of fans stop having depression and giving them a smile every day, the one that laughs at my jokes, the one that cuddles with me, and the one who accepted me as his boyfriend, roommate, and best friend, and future husband. I love you, and I will love you forever and always"I said
"Thank you Dan, I love you"Phil hugged me.
"I love you too”
After that, I gave him a sweet, adorable kiss, that made him smile.
A silence came; Phil rested his head on my shoulder, and yawned.
“Babe, you need some rest"I told him
"But I can’t fall asleep at night, I haven’t slept a full night for a month"Phil rubbed his eyes
"I can help with that"I told him
"But…how?”-Phil asked curious.
“Hold on”-I said while running to my bedroom

Phil’s POV
At this time, Dan ran to his bedroom, I had no idea of what he was doing. When he came back, he came with a blanket, two mugs and the totoro plushies.

“What are you doing?”- I asked him curious
“When you were sad at your house when I came over, this is what I always used to do to help you sleep: be together, with hot chocolate and cuddling with our totoro plushies. I always made you fall asleep with this when you were on your family’s house and you were ill, so I am doing it now”- I told Phil
“I used to say that years ago, I don’t know if this still *yawns* works for me”-Phil while rubbing his eyes tiredly
“I am pretty sure this is going to work”-I told him while giving him the totoro plush
“Ready?"I asked. I asked him
"I *yawns* think so”-Phil smiled tiredly.

I turned off the lights, I walked to the sofa with Phil, and we started to watch Winnie the pooh(I know it was a little childish for me and Phil, but Pooh always makes us sleepy) and in just seconds, Phil fell asleep on my arms: my right arm was like a small pillow for his head, he was making this cute little sounds that he always does when he is asleep; his glasses were about to fall off his face, he had his Pikachu hat of the onesie on and he was hugging the totoro plushie I gave him on his arm.

“Thank you, I really love you"  Phil breathed. I could see how sleepy Phil was, so I gave him a little kiss on the forehead. Soon enough I could tell by his slow, rhythmic breathing that he was asleep again. With Phil’s steady heartbeat and his gentle movements it didn’t take me long to relax a bit. I was exhausted. My energy had hit rock bottom and before I knew it I was asleep.
———————————————In the morning…——————————–
I got up because of the sun rays that were on my face. I yawned a few times and then I rubbed my eyes. Then, I turned my head to Phil, who was sleeping peacefully at the couch. His hair was messy, just like mine. He slept for a full night, I was proud of him. He started to stir a little, but I could see he was still exhausted.
"Sleep well little lion”-I said sleepily as I planted a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you, thank you"Phil mumbled before going to sleep again.
I started to brush his messy hair and started thinking…how did I get so lucky?

My fics!
Random fic!

amonamartha  asked:

Hi, I just wanted to say I love your fics and your playlists! Lucas Baker's playlist is pretty great. YOU GOT SOME TALENT THERE never stop believing in yourself!

Thank you so very much for the kind words and compliments! I really appreciate that, as I’m feeling a bit cruddy right now. Glad you like the playlist…I uh - add to it as I write just so you know.


I’m just saying, if you guys want the theme song for Sha Ka Ree, it’s this one. Two guys singing to each other about how much they need each other while bringing in a bunch of Alpha Novus V-specific nature imagery?? UM. 

(it’s on my playlist that I’ll probably share after most of the fic is posted, but I was just listening to this and wanted so desperately to share it now.)



Soundtrack here

Tauriel and Kili could never have known how that chilly night in January of 1941 would change their lives. From their first meeting, they knew the other was something special, but can the adoptive daughter of a wealthy Dutchman and the son of a miner really get their happily ever after? Or will war, family troubles, and distance tear their worlds apart? [A 1940s/WWII Kiliel AU. Pairings: Kiliel, TBD. Characters: Tauriel, Kili, Fili, Thorin Oakenshield, Dis, Bilbo Baggins, Legolas, Thranduil, others TBD.]

(This is not a fic, but rather a brief intro. I’m writing a fic at a later date)

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#28 Derek Nurse - A Check! Please Playlist

43% concious rap, 47% bro music, 100% nursey

definitely what nursey and lardo listen to together on the bus

Icon by ziimbits, flower crown added by me. Also there are like 3 artists on this playlist ‘cuz this is literally just what I listen to every day and I only know like three bands ever. (Also this playlist is NSWF unless you work somewhere where this is SFW then ok that’s cool I wish I worked there, also some graphic lyrics).


numbers on the boards//pusha t, bitch don’t kill my vibe//kendrick lamar, know yourself//drake, super rich kids//frank ocean, king kunta//kendrick lamar, guillotine//death grips, don’t like//chief keef feat. kanye west, new slaves//kanye west, wesley’s theory//kendrick lamar, mathematics//mos def, i’ve seen footage//death grips, backseat freestyle//kendrick lamar, mercy//kanye west, dump dump//a$ap ferg, energy//drake, runaway//kanye west, hustle bones//death grips, glass & patron//fka twigs, pyramids//frank ocean, the hills/the weeknd, love again//run the jewels, shabba//a$ap ferg, hey ya!//outkast, hacker//death grips, alright//kendrick lamar

                            Y O U N G  G O D || KYLO X READER

A/N: okay so i literally made a spotify playlist just for kylo/ben on songs i NEED to write song fics for and young god by halsey was like the first one i wanted to write. I had so many ideas for it and i decided to go with the angsty one. Though it’s loosely based off of the song (in a way?) it’s still highly influenced by it…if that makes any sense? Remember, this is strictly fictional, so whatever doesn’t seem Star Wars-y to you…just remember it is FICTION. Hope you all enjoy it and pls give me feedback (or if you want more?)

Word Count: 2.1K+

Warning: None…well, angst?

The sound of her heart beating against her chest echoed through the walls, the sweat beads that dripped down her fragile skin framed her face that scrunched up into a fearful expression; her eyebrows scrunching up ever so tightly as small tears slipped through the cracks, a small whimper escaping her slightly parted lips as she gasped for help. “P-please…” A soft cry spilled out as she gripped onto her bed sheets. The night terrors had grown worse as days passed–what started of as small dreams evolved into nightmares that felt oh too real. “Don’t do this!” The feeling of her throat burning from a scream snapped her out of it. Instinctively reaching out to the spot next to her, a small frown appearing on her lips as she looked over to see the barren indent. “Ben…”

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// breezeblocks - alice jemima // i know places - taylor swift // the fire - kina grannis // toxic (cestladore remix) - melanie martinez // fantasy - alina baraz // hold on we’re going home - pia mia // warm water - banks // pretty thoughts - alina baraz // take me to church - neon jungle // eyelids - pvris // jenny - lily sevin // listen here

Ok, I need to gush.

So I’ve been gorging myself on Bonkai lately, bc I’m gearing up to write two different multichapter fics for them (which I’ll post more about later). I’ve been making playlists, plot-planning and researching, rewatching TVD scenes, and outright hoarding BK edits and meta since I need to have it all available for when my muse inevitably turns on me. And in the midst of buffing up my spank bank, I realized Mr. Malachai Parker was probably gearing up to win Bon over since the time he was stalking BD and I just…I NEED TO EMOTE OK?

I mean there’s his introduction.

Originally posted by honestlythisisthebestnightever

And like, when I first watched, I was hella happy that his intro consisted of him antagonizing Damon because Kai literally did to him what I wanted to do. Damon’s constant harping on Bonnie had been agitating me bc I was like “but who the fuck are you to whine, Mr. Tag-a-long, no one told you to blow yourself up in the first place?…dumbass.” (And I actually like Damon for the most part, bc I find his constant back and forth with maturity levels amusing to watch, but he was pushing.) 

Then, it occurred to me that Kai probably felt like I did. I mean, 18 years in solitary and then suddenly the key to your freedom, in the form of a beautiful witch around you Neverland age falls in your lap? And she’s with some whiny vampire who is constantly berating her and you just so happen to not care for vampires? And you learn that said beautiful witch is without her magic and you deduce that her current environment isn’t stimulating its return?

No one can tell me that Kai started stalking BD bc of Damon, nah my homie was all about Bonnie before he was even on screen. All the little games he played before revealing himself were mostly aimed at Bonnie. To learn about Bonnie, to see her reactions. And I imagine, in all that time of stalking BD, that Bonnie obviously became his main concern and to him Damon was the useless one and so Kai became annoyed with his derogatory attitude which was hindering her. So having learned what kind of person Bonnie was and having grown frustrated with Damon, he acted like my spirit animal in a way that would allow him to coax out Bonnie’s magic while punishing Damon for perceived indiscretions. And as Bonkamily knows, he juxtaposed himself to Damon’s negativity after that in order to endear himself to Bon (and likely would have stayed that cute, weird guy in her mind if she hadn’t found the newspaper bc of it) and the rest of 1994 is history.

And then there’s Kai in 2012/2013.

Originally posted by ivshine

After he gets out, all these little things about him start to change. At first it’s mainly his appearance - he has to adapt, but he’s got a narcissistic disorder, so he has to adapt well. And it’s not like he doesn’t half-expect Bonnie to get out. Yes, when he’s first free, he doesn’t spare her much thought - frankly she is of no further use to him and he’s more worried about accomplishing his goals and not being thrown back into the prison world. But he’s not super concerned with her getting out either, since he must have at least some peripheral idea that at least Damon would try to free her and he’s not doing anything to actively stop DE before or during their trip to ‘94. (Antis will argue about him destroying the Ascendant, but this was after they failed and after he had started his reign of terror, so homie was obviously looking out for number one, but I digress.) Anyway, here’s Kai, adjusting his appearance, starting to wear rings (I checked, he wasn’t wearing them in 1994) and jeans that make his ass look great, all the while having mild expectations of Bonnie’s return to the future. Ya dig? He was sprucing up.

Something made further evident after the merge, what with the sudden and RUDE appearance of scruff and muscle on Kai’s previously more boyish frame (I understand Chris was undergoing the change for his role on Containment, pero… that appearance change is now within the TVD narrative, so unf), and the drastic improvement of fashion choices, which I stand by as being an after effect of gaining Luke’s inherent knowledge of what is considered attractive on guys in present standards. Do you understand me? Should I spell it out? Kai started building a better wardrobe. Kai started hitting the gym. After he was sure Bonnie was set to return. So yeah, Kai Parker kinda spruced up while kinda expecting to see Bonnie again, but then Kai Parker massively glowed up while demanding to see her again, and I just…asdfghjkl? Im? Don’t tell me he’s not trying to attract her. Don’t tell me he wasn’t always trying to appeal to her in some way (talking to you Julie) bc I may be analytical to the point of overthinking, but I’m not crazy. Know how I know I’m not?

Because even Kai’s death is a desperate appeal to Bonnie.

Originally posted by vampire-diaries1864

Firstly, homie goes to see her first. Yes, he needs Bennett blood to free the Heretics, but like, he obvi wasn’t planning to die. He could have gotten it later, but instead, he takes it upon himself to find Bonnie first and then care for the injury he inflicted on her and then film that petty ass recording. Why? How long would that have taken? Why not just wait for her at the wedding and do it all in one?

Like, I honestly don’t think he wanted or expected her to come confront him at the church. I think he wanted to do his dirt and scare her into running away out of fear of Damon, because even he, like everyone who actually knew Damon expected Elena to be the first choice, despite the fact that Damon would be hurt over losing Bon (and let’s accept it, if Nina stayed, that’s what would have happened). And he was trying to prove that to Bonnie. That Damon would choose Elena first, but Kai would choose Bonnie. And when she confronted him, and they were waiting, he was still trying to prove that. That whole bit with hi playing with the flower was like Kai saying look Bonnie, I’m here but where’s ya boy at? Do you see me, Bonnie? Don’t you see that I’m here for you Bonnie if you would just give me that second chance like you did Damon?

And then when Damon pretends to leave likes it’s the easiest fucking thing, Kai is honestly baffled bc it wouldn’t have been that easy for him to leave her and that’s what he’s trying to convey to her before he dies. He’s not even conflicted about this Bonnie, he’s supposed to love you, this is supposed to hurt him bc I love you too and leaving you would hurt me in this situation. He is desperately trying to get Bonnie’s stubborn ass to see this when Damon does his sneak attack.

Kai’s pre-intro narrative was about Bonnie. One of Kai’s post-intro narratives was about Bonnie. Kai’s concluding narrative was about Bonnie. Malachai Parker was all about Bonnie Bennett from beginning to end and I just needed to drown in that thought.