just a couple of female followers

I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with the idea of Compulsory Heterosexuality, especially in wondering wether they might be a lesbian, and what the signs of compulsory heterosexuality are. I decided to make this post, to help out anyone who might need it.
Some of these signs might apply more to bi-identifying women, and some of them might apply more to straight-identifying women. I asked both lesbians who used to think they were straight about their experience with comp het and lesbians who used to think they were bi about their experience with comp het, and of course added my own experiences. Warnings: mentions of sex and sexual fantasies, but nothing graphic.
Special thanks to michael @snugly and all other bloggers that answered my questions and let me use their content for this post - your advice, patience and generosity means a lot to me. 

You might be a lesbian if:

  • You wish you were a lesbian so you could escape the discomfort of dating men.
  • Men are okay in theory but terrible in practice.
  • You feel like you could live with a woman in a romantic way, even if you can’t imagine doing anything sexual with a woman.
  • You feel like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman.
  • You lose interest in a man as soon as they seem interested in you - very common.
  • You find yourself trying to be romantically or sexually appealing to men even if you’re not interested in them.
  • As a child you always thought you’d either never get married or platonically marry a friend.
  • You can’t imagine having a happy and fulfilling future with a man.
  • You feel like you’re performing your attraction to men, for yourself and/or other people.
  • You expect relationships with men to be unfulfilling by default.
  • You like the idea of men being attracted to you, but you dislike the idea of being attracted to men.
  • You dislike being attracted to men in general.
  • You only notice the attractiveness of a man when someone else points it out.
  • You think your feelings for women don’t count, or that all women have feelings “like that” but that they’re not valid because you think it’s a phase everyone goes through.
  • You don’t want to date men, but you feel like you have to.
  • You think that because you could survive dating, marrying, and/or having sex with a man, you’re attracted to men (hint: you don’t have to settle for just surviving).
  • You think it’s objective and uncontested that almost all women are way more attractive than most men. 
  • The men in your fantasies are faceless or symbolise an emotion. 
  • You don’t like fantasising about men. After fantasising about men you feel uncomfortable or wrong.
  • When fantasising about men, you’re not really into the man in your fantasy, or the fantasy itself. You imagine another woman in place of yourself or imagine that you’re the man in the fantasy.
  • Lesbian or gay feels like the label for you but you still doubt yourself for whatever reason. 
  • You’re only attracted to fictional men, celebrities, or man that are completely unattainable (i.e. your teacher, gay men, men in established relationships). Basically, you only like men if it’s impossible for them to like you back - very common.
  • You prefer/are exclusively attracted to “feminine” men, (i.e. men that wear traditionally feminine clothing, have traditionally feminine behaviors or appearances, and like traditionally feminine things) basically you only like men if they’re “womanly” enough. 
  • You’re repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that”.
  • You think you might commitment-phobic because no relationship, no matter how great the guy, feels quite right and you drag your feet when the time comes to escalate it.
  • When you do escalate a relationship with a man, you do it mostly because you feel like he wants to, or because it’s the appropriate thing to doy.
  • You think your interest in seeing attractive women stems from the sexualisation and objectification of women in media.
  • You think all straight women feel attraction to women to at least some extent (hint: 100% straight women do exist).
  • You think you have to learn how to love men. 
  • You find yourself wishing you were a lesbian because it’d be so much easier to just be with women for the rest of your life. 
  • You think men-attracted women over-exaggerate their attraction to men and you can’t comprehend finding a man as attractive as they do. 
  • You can’t imagine being so invested in a man/relationship with a man or valuing a man/relationship with a man as much as men-attracted women.
  • You dread the idea of a future with a man.
  • Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men (there’s something specific about same-gender attraction that any form of it is just more relatable than different gender attraction).
  • You think you just have to give men a chance. 
  • You feel very uncomfortable reading or watching m/f erotica, or even just general m/f romantic interactions.
  • Other people tell you you’re acting like an over-invested lesbian ally or you feel like you are acting like an over-invested lesbian ally. 
  • You think your relationships with men don’t work out because you’re bad at relationships in general.
  • You think you just have high standards and that’s why you don’t want to date any men.
  • You think you’re just a late bloomer and will be attracted to men eventually.
  • You just. Pick a dude at random to be attracted to. 
  • The only men you’re attracted to are those who hurt you, harass you, or abuse you. 
  • You think it’s impossible for lesbians to have a happy future with women but you think you could be the exception to the rule (this ties in with internalised homophobia). 
  • Do you love them because they’re your boyfriend or are they your boyfriend because you love them? If it’s the first, you might not actually be attracted to them.
  • You go through past memories trying to prove your attraction to men (”But I had a boyfriend when I was 13!”).
  • You put yourself through having romantic or sexual relationships with men to prove to yourself and other people that you’re attracted to men. 
  • You know that lesbians exist but you think you can’t possibly be one of them because if you were, you’d know already - very common
  • You think you’re attracted to men but just don’t want to date them.
  • You don’t like kissing/touching/having sex with your husband/boyfriend or you’re not attracted to your husband/boyfriend but it must be because he’s not the one for you (or another excuse). 
  • Most of your experiences with men are/were men being attracted to you, and you sort of going along with it. 
  • You only develop attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to them. 
  • You find yourself wishing you could just have one hot fling with a woman just to try it out, or fantasise about it. 
  • You think attraction is just “not being disgusted by a man”.
  • You enjoy consuming f/f erotica a lot more than any other type, and find fantasising about women a lot more satisfying than any other fantasy. 
  • You crave “platonic” physical contact with your female friends but wish that men would just leave you alone.
  • You’re only attracted to men whose attention would somehow be profitable (i.e. men in positions of power such as your boss).
  • Deciding who to be attracted to, or asking people who you should crush on.
  • You try to pursue your feelings for other women through going on “platonic dates” with women and “practising on women”. 
  • You think you’re too young/busy to be attracted to men or have a fulfilling relationship with a man. 
  • “I would totally date [x woman] if they were a guy!! ! !!”
  • You have abstract crushes that you don’t actually want to progress into romantic and/or sexual relationships - very common.
  • You date men because it’s what you’re supposed to do, and stay with them because you can’t find a good reason to break up.
  • You really want to be a lesbian and only date women but feel like you can’t because of some lingering, vague idea of attraction to men, but the idea of dating a man is distressing, gross, upsetting, boring, unsatisfying or makes you feel trapped.
  • Being very specific with the men you’re “interested” in but having absolutely no type when it comes to girls because they’re all so beautiful.
  • Your favourite character in every show is that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman (examples: Shego from Kim Possible, Spinelli from Recess, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica).
  • You wish your boyfriend/husband was more like a female friend.
  • You can flip on your attraction to men like a switch - very common.

These are the most common signs of comp het, but there are other ways comp het manifests than just these ways! You don’t have to relate to all of these to identify as a lesbian.
You might be reading this and start to question yourself. This is okay. I recommend emerging yourself in sapphic content to normalise the idea of f/f attraction. Try reading f/f (fan)fiction or novels, watching films and/or tv shows with f/f couples, and following some lesbian/sapphic themed accounts here on tumblr and other platforms (beware of terfs! check a persons account befor you follow them). Other than that, I’d like to assure you that even though you currently have a boyfriend, a husband, or had one in the past, that this does not make you any less of a lesbian. If you’ve had sex with men, you’re not any less of a lesbian. You can still be a lesbian if you’re a trans woman or a nonbinary woman-aligned person, or if you feel connected to womanhood through your love of other women. Lesbian is not a dirty word and you are beautiful. 
If you have any further inquiries or questions, don’t hesitate to shoot me an ask! I’ll be happy to answer all of them.

SUPER LESBIAN MOVIE POST

 1.MAEDCHEN IN UNIFORM 1931

Basically a German produced 1930′s film that features a student who falls in love with her teacher. Some kissing/hugs in it. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

Pretty good for the time period

2.THE CHILDREN’S HOUR 1961

A student tells a lie about her two female teachers and causes one of them to question her sexuality. NOT A HAPPY ENDING. 

Again good for the time period. 

3. THERESE AND ISABELLE 1968

An old woman visits her old school and reflects on a past lesbian love she had at the school. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

4. Just the two of us 1973

A pair of housewives fall into bed together after seeing two women hold hands in a restaurant on sunset boulevard. One is a lesbian and the other is exploring. NOT A HAPPY ENDING. 

5. WINDOWS 1980

Lesbian psycho stalker. NOT A HAPPY ENDING

6. PERSONAL BEST 1980

Two young athletes engage in sexual relationship, however, one of the girls leaves and goes off to be with a man. 

7. THE HUNGER 1983

An aging vampire dumps her boyfriend for a woman. 

8. LIANNA 1983

Lianna, a naive young wife of a professor bored with her life has an affair with another woman, Ruth and when her affair becomes common knowledge, she finds herself shunned by both her friends and family. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

9. Desert Hearts 1985

A middle aged woman in current divorcing of her husband pursues an affair with a young woman named Cay whom she meets in Reno at a ranch. HAPPY ENDING. It is worth a watch.

10. THE BERLIN AFFAIR 1985

The daughter of a Japanese ambassador has an affair with the wife of a Nazi officer. The Japanese woman ruins it by sleeping with the Nazi officer. 

11. NOVEMBER MOON 1984

November is a french/german Jew who falls in love with a french woman in Nazi-occupied France. The two women must fight to be with each other, hiding November in the rural countryside. GUYS THIS FILM IS LIKE HAPPY ENDING ISH BUT YOU WILL CRY COS SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENS IN END WORTH THE WATCH.

12.THE INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWO GIRLS IN LOVE 1995

A young Tina Kernard from L word plays a butch Randy who falls in love with a an upper class black girl. I dont really like it, its overhyped. 

13. GO FISH 1994

Max is a young lesbian student who meets Ely, they end up at her place and, after some flirtatious conversation, they kiss. Suddenly a call comes in from Ely’s  partner Kate, with whom Ely has been in a long-distance relationship for more than two years, which puts a bit of a damper on things. Ely decides to cut off all her hair, ending up with a very short butch style. She runs into Max in a bookstore and Max almost does not recognize her. Ely and her roommate Daria throw a dinner party and, after a spirited game of I Never, Max and Ely reconnect. They make plans to go out again and then begin kissing. They have several phone conversations, in the course of which Ely reveals that she’s “sort of broken up” with Kate. They get together for a second date but they never make it out of the apartment. Max ends up trimming Ely’s fingernails. This turns into foreplay and they have sex. HAPPY ENDING.

14. LATE BLOOMERS 1996

Two women fall in love, a maths teacher and a married secretary who works in the same school. They pursue a relationship to the dismay of work colleagues and family. The two women want to marry each other aw aw aw HAPPY ENDING. This film is a bit of a flop tho

15. WHEN NIGHT IS FALLING 1995

Camille a christian professor meets Petra who is in the circus. Camille has a boyfriend however, falls in love with Petra. Happy Ending, worth the watch. 

16. BOUND 1996

Corky, a tough female ex con falls in love with Violet, the girlfriend of a mobster. Together they concoct a scheme to steal millions of stashed mob money and pin the blame on Violet’s crooked boyfriend Caesar. Happy ending for couple, its not your romantic comedy or anything but ok

17. HIGH ART

Two women fall in love, ones straight, others got a girl, its ok movie

18. FUCKING AMAL(show me love) 1998

Agnes is a depressed teenager with no friends and is in love with the popular girl Elin. After a dare to kiss Agnes, Elin discovers she is attracted to Agnes and avoids her, sleeping with a boy to convince herself otherwise. Elin realises she loves Agnes and kiss in the schools bathroom, the entire school  see them and in turn are outed. HAPPY ENDING.

19. AMIEE AND JAGUAR 1999

Based on a true story follows two women in Berlin whilst  the Gestapo is purging the capital of Jews, a dangerous love affair blossoms between two women. One of them, Lilly Wust, married and the mother of four sons, enjoys the privileges of her stature as an exemplar of Nazi motherhood. For her, this affair will be the most decisive experience of her life. For the other woman, Felice Schragenheim, a Jewess and member of the underground, their love fuels her with the hope that she will survive. BUT ITS A SAD FUCKING ENDING U WILL CRY GOOD FILM

20. BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE 

Maggie meets a young artist named Kim. They quickly develop an intense romance and move in together. However when Maggie’s mother and brother come to stay she is forced to decide between living in secret or revealing who she really is. A tale of love, acceptance, loss and pleasure.

21. GRAY MATTERS 2006

Gray falls in love with her brothers fiance after drunkenly kissing her. Gray discovers she is gay and has to find herself in this rom com. Its not a romance film as such but it is a feel good film with a lesbian protagonist, quite campsy but a great film. 

22. FINGERSMITH 2005

Complicated storyline but the premise is basically two women who fall in love in victorian england under strange circumstance. Some sweet and passionate love scenes, Happy ending. 

23. LOVING ANNABELLE 2006

Annabelle and her female teacher fall in love, resulting in the teacher being arrested. Some nice love scenes. Ending a bit meh

24. JENNYS WEDDING 2015

This film had the potential to be good, however, the characters fell flat and you were left wanting more. The film follows Jenny who is in the closet to her parents and decides to marry Kitty her partner of five years. The film is more about her parents accepting her and going to her wedding, its a good watch in terms of its gay themed, its just the lesbian couple is not rooted for as much as you would if the love was portrayed between them more, they kiss a couple of times and thats it. 

25. CONCUSSION 2013

WOW lemme just say this film is an odd one, weirdly you root for the lesbian housewife who cheats on her wife and becomes a prostitute. Its a fantastic film with well executed love scenes. Abbey, a lesbian housewife decides to become a lesbian escort as she is in a sexless marriage. WATCH IT ITS GOOD

26. THE WORLD UNSEEN 2007

Beautiful film of lesbian love. Miriam a housewife falls in love with Amina, a cafe owner in the 1950′s and in South Africa. Optimistic ending for the two. Despite no sex scene, the love between them is elicited via kisses and looks. 

27. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT 2008

Tala, a Palestinian, falls in love with Leyla a British Indian. Tala is engaged to be married and must overcome her sexuality in order to be with Leyla. HAPPY ENDING WATCH IT, ITS CORNY BUT GOOD

28. CRACKS 2009

This film is a weird one. A teacher, the sexy Eva Green is obsessed with the new Spanish girl, she rapes her in her sleep and the ending omg watch it, Its not happy but the character Eva Green portrays is fantastic. 

29. THE GIRL KING 2015

A Swedish Queen falls in love with her Lady in waiting. Good film

30. CHLOE 2009

This film is no romantic happy film but it is so raw and interestingly poignant. Chloe is hired by Catherine to seduce her husband as she believes he is cheating on her. Chloe reports back to Catherine and in a state of sadness from what Chloe says her husband did, they sleep together. Chloe becomes obsessed with Catherine, leading to a death at the end of the film omg watch it, see Amanda Seyfried have sex with Julianne Moore

31. BANDAGED 2009

Lucille disfigures her face and is bandaged until her surgeon Father can cure her. He hires a nurse, Joan, to care for Lucille in her recovery. As Lucille begins to heal, it is clear the two are falling for each other resulting in love scenes that are v niceee. The ending is happy/sad/who knows

32. ITS IN THE WATER 1997

A cheesy comedy about Alex who tests her sexuality when old high school friend Grace tells her she had an affair with another woman. The two fall in love in a town where homosexuality is a sin. Its v cheesy but what do you expect from a 1997 lesbian film. 

33. Elena Undone 2010

Elena Undone is a tad corny and low budget but the characters are well explored and little factoid for you: it has the longest onscreen kiss in history. Elena is married to a pastor but falls in love with Peyton.

34. BLOOMINGTON 2010

Its not great, its corny and a bit of a flop but some scenes get your heart racing. Classic student teacher relationship with extra cheese on top, the ending is pants as is the whole film. 

35. A PERFECT ENDING 2012

A married woman hires a female prostitute, they fall in love but one of them dies. A bit shit this film but potential to be good.

36. BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOUR 2013

People dont give this film a chance and seek out the explicit sex scene but if you invest time in the film, you will cry at the end omg. Adele and Emma fall in love, break up cos Adele is a slutty idiot, then Adele wants Emma back. 

37. IMAGINE ME AND YOU 2005

This film is never going to win Oscars, but its a good feel good lesbian film. Its cute and you will the characters to be together, corny but good. Rachel marries Heck and on her wedding day meets the florist, Luce whom she falls in love with. 

38. LOST AND DELIRIOUS 2001

Paulie and Victoria are roomates who are seemingly in love until Victoria breaks Paulies heart by sleeping with a boy, Paulie kills herself. 

39. KISS MYG 2011

Mia and Frida fall in love after meeting at their parents engagement party. Happy ending and the sex scenes in this film are wowowow

40. KISSING JESSICA STEIN 2002

Bit of a flop, jessica tries being with a woman but doesnan’t work.

41.BETWEEN TWO WOMEN 2004

Some people might see this film as a bit of a flop but personally I love it, it is set in the late 1940′s and follows a married woman who falls in love with her 10 year old sons female teacher. watch ittttt.

42. CONTRACTED 2013 

A lesbian woman is raped and contracts a deadly disease.

43. BRIDGET JONES EDGE OF REASON 2004

Just for the laughs is the sequel to Bridget Jones where the ‘bitch’ Rebecca turns out to be gay and in love with Bridget

44.THE SEA PURPLE 2009

Angela is in love with Sara but the only way to be together is if Angela becomes a man due to the time period. Its sad omg

45. CAROL 2015

BEST FILM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WATCH IT. CAROL IS OLDER AND SEXY AND PURPOSELY LEAVES HER GLOVES SO THERESE CAN GIVE THEM HER BACK AND INVITE HER ROUND ON SUNDAYS AND MAKE HER HEART CRY AND THEN TAKE HER ON A ROAD TRIP SO THEY CAN MAKE LOVE THEN CAROL LEAVES HER AND WRITES AN EMOSH LETTER AND THERESE HATES CAROL NOW AND CAROL IS LIKE I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO WAIT THEN ASKS TO MEET HER IN OAK ROOM WHERE SHE TELLS HER SHE LOVES HER AND THE FEELS THEN THERESE BEFORE SHE CAN ANSWER COS SHE ACTING FUCKING STUPID GETS INTERRUPTED BY SOME DIK CALLED JACK AND THEY GO TO PARTY AND THERESE IS LIKE OMG DO I LOVE CAROL THEN SHES LIKE YES LEMME GO SEE HER AND SHE BUSTS INTO RESTAURANT AND SEES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL CATE BLANCHETT SITTING THEIR ALL FUCK ME LOVE ME WANT ME THERESE AND IM LIKE THERESE GO GET HER. very good film watch it

Zelda in BotW is an amazing character. If I had to make a list of the 10 best characters in the LoZ games, I have a hard time imagining she wouldn’t be on it. And nearly everything I’ve seen from other people who have played the game has been bursting with positivity and appreciation for this Zelda. 

However, I’m unfortunately not surprised to have eventually run across someone calling her “a miserable cunt” and a “shitty little shit bag” who is “demoralizing [Link] into oblivion” with over 100 people liking/reblogging their post. 

There are a couple of things to say in response to this. For starts, Jesus christ calm down. It’s wild to me how ready people are to hate characters for almost anything (and it overwhelmingly happens with female characters–jeez I wonder why). And second, did we even play the same game? Because you know what the WORST we ever saw Zelda acting towards Link was? 

That’s… that’s it. She told him she didn’t need an escort and shouted at him to stop following her. And this wasn’t just the worst that Zelda ever acted towards Link. It was also the ONLY time we saw her shouting at him or being mean to him. Was it rude/crummy/something Link didn’t deserve? Totally. Was it her being ~a miserable shitty little shit bag cunt that fucking destroyed Link’s sense of self worth~? Hell no. How the hell do you extrapolate THAT MUCH out of such a small scene? 

Just to help paint a larger, and more negative picture of Zelda, let’s talk about another memory. In the first memory, which was of Zelda preforming the ceremony to appoint Link as her knight, Zelda was acting very clearly depressed during the whole thing. That would have conveyed to Link how unhappy Zelda was with him being her knight, which would have surely made Link feel shitty. So there, that’s something else people who hate this Zelda can point to. But you know what? If you want to analyze things like this, Link also made Zelda feel shitty. Oh, sure, we all know that Link made Zelda feel shitty because of her own insecurities about being a failure of a royal princess while Link had successfully become the master of the Master Sword. But Link’s own behavior also made Zelda feel shitty. We saw in the third memory that Zelda would try to talk normally with Link. Talking casually and cheerfully about making adjustments to one of the Divine Beasts because that’s what she was passionate about! But Link… would never say anything back in response. He was silent. He was her appointed knight, but he wouldn’t even talk to her when she tried to talk to him. In fact, at that point Link had NEVER spoken to Zelda, as she expressed in her diary 

Imagine if their situations were reversed, and we saw Link talking to Zelda and Zelda refusing to respond to him and just staring at him with a blank expression–and then Link wrote in his diary about how stressful that was for him and how it made him feel like she thought he was a failure and hated him. The people who hate BotW Zelda would be jumping on that as an example of what a bitch Zelda was to Link. Even though when Link did it to Zelda, there’s no problem whatsoever apparently. Link was just a smol little precious angel that was cowering beneath Zelda’s “toxic belittling and dominance,” as one person described it. 

(And real quick… you know who was ACTUALLY “belittling” and “demoralizing” Link? Fucking Revali. You know, the guy who would walk right up to Link and go on a giant, passive aggressive and mockery-filled rant at Link about how he’s better than Link and Link doesn’t deserve the expectations that others have of him. I still think Revali is a solid character because it’s good to have a diverse cast with varied personalities and different relationship dynamics with each other. But for crying out loud, how is anyone going to hate on Zelda for how she acted towards Link early on when Revali was there being a straight up dick with 0 tragic character motivation behind him to make us sympathetic to why he acted like such a wad?) 

Of course I don’t believe that Link deserves any hate for being silent around Zelda for so long. Just like how I don’t believe that Zelda deserves any hate for the way she acted towards and felt about Link in the early memories. They were two youths who had the weight of the world placed upon their shoulders. Link’s ability to express himself was crushed by the weight of the expectations and judging eyes of everyone around him. Zelda lost her mother, was denied expressions of love from her father, was terrified that she was a failure who would doom the world to destruction because of her inability to access her powers, and was was stuck with a successful, brilliant knight who she assumed hated her and had no way of being told otherwise because HE WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER. 

But despite all that the two became close. Link saved Zelda’s life. Zelda reevaluated how she thought of him and even apologized for her past behavior 

Zelda made an effort and kept talking to him, trying to get him to open up to her. And eventually he did, and she was able to learn the reason why he wouldn’t talk to her, or anyone, in the past. They traveled together. She examined his wounds after battle. They went out to collect specimens in the fields together. Zelda tried to get Link to lick a frog in the name of science. Link taught Zelda how to bond with her horse. They saw their home fall to Calamity Ganon and learned of the deaths of their family and friends. Their world collapsed. They fled. They defended each others’ lives, each saving the other. Zelda spent 100 years suffering alone to contain the abomination that destroyed their land while Link recovered from the injuries he gained protecting her. They fought together again. They freed Hyrule from 100 years of darkness and set out once again to rebuild their kingdom together. 

But yeah. Zelda was such a cunt, right? 

I mean, you can’t please everyone. That’s just to be expected. People are different. People have different attitudes and values, and like and enjoy different things, so there’s no piece of media that everyone will have the same thoughts and feelings on. It’s like how on the Nintendo eShop, BotW for the Wii U has 4719 five star reviews… and 21 one star reviews. You can’t please everyone. But again, jesus christ some people are just ready to violently hate Zelda for having extremely well developed character flaws and a rocky start to her relationship with Link that was the result of both of their individual issues clashing and preventing them from connecting and understanding each other even though they both felt nearly the exact same way. And even if you want to insist that everything bad about their early relationship was 100% Zelda’s fault alone, I wonder how Zelda could possibly make up for it… maybe putting in the effort to develop a very positive relationship with Link, saving his life just as he had saved hers, and spending 100 years in Ganon Jail would be enough to make up for it? 

…nah. You’ve got to imprison yourself for at least TWO HUNDRED years to make up for telling someone to stop following you one time. Totally. 

So, I hear you liked TURN.


Apres the Season 4 finale, I know there’s going to be a lot of crying, and hand-wringing, and rewatching, and these are all good and proper things to do in the wake of a TV show you’ve enjoyed.

But after the smoke clears from all of that, you’re maybe going to go looking for your next 18th century fix, just something in between rewatches or while you’re trying to flesh out your next story idea. (Hey, now that we have our canon, go hog-wild on story ideas, guys, seriously.) 

So I’ve saved you some trouble and made you all a helpful list.

Obviously there are a lot of movies and TV shows out there - this is just a selection that I wish more people knew about.

Note: Everyone enjoys a show or movie for different reasons. These shows are on this list because of the time period they depict, not because of the quality of their writing, the accuracy of their history or the political nature of their content. Where I’m able to, I’ve mentioned if a book is available if you’d like to read more.

Before we get to the rest of the list, there are three excellent shows that are either currently on television or about to be very soon:

Poldark (BBC/PBS) is based on a series of books by an author named Winston Graham. It was made into a PBS series in the 70s starring Robin Ellis as the handsome Captain Poldark, who returns from the American Revolution to find his family farm in tatters and his long-time love interest married to his cousin. Drama ensues. The 70s series is worth your time, and the recent remake with Aidan Turner in the title role is also definitely worth a go. (If you like leading men who make terrible life decisions and the women who put up with them, this is totally your show.)

Harlots (Hulu) - If you really loved the TURN ladies, thought Lola and Philomena deserved more than they got, or are just interested to learn more about what life might have been like for the lower classes in London in the 1750s, have we got a deal for you. Harlots follows the lives of 18th century sex workers in this new drama, which was just recently renewed for a totally deserved second season. Female-lead ensemble drama. A little violent at points and deals with some pretty heavy-duty topics like rape, murder, and bastardy, but in a humane and understanding way. Totally bingeable.

Outlander (Starz) - Based on the wildly popular series of books by Diana Gabaldon, this time traveling drama jumps between a couple of different centuries and follows the story of Jamie and Claire, two very strong personalities trying to literally find their place in history. (Hewlett talks about the blade his grandfather picked up at Culloden; that battle forms a critical part of this show’s storyline.) It’s a real pretty show with very high production values.

And, without further ado, the rest of the list!

John Adams:  If you haven’t watched this already, do yourself a favor and go pick it up from the library. Starring Paul Giametti in the title role, this HBO miniseries follows John Adams’ role in the formation of America, through his early days in Congress up through his own presidency. As with any biographical show, characters that we know and love from other media (Rufus Sewell’s Hamilton comes to mind, but see what you think of David Morse’s Washington, too) are presented in a slightly different light and provide some food for thought about how history can be selective in how it remembers us. The costuming is great, the sets are fantastic, and the acting is first-rate.

The Patriot: An oldie but a goodie. Mel Gibson plays a highly fictionalized version of Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox while Jason Isaacs turns in a really stellar hottie we love to hate in Colonel Tavington. A little heavy-handed at times, this is a good movie to laugh over with friends.

Sons of Liberty: I’ll be really honest - for a show from the History Channel, the history on this show is pretty awful. But the cast is pretty. This one’s up to you, really. It fills a hole.

Garrow’s Law: William Garrow was a barrister and a pioneering legal mind in the 18th century, and this show (which ran for 3 seasons) is based on real Old Bailey cases and Garrow’s defenses, while also working in his fraught social life. Were you interested in learning a little more about Abe Woodhull’s erstwhile legal training? This is the show for you.

City of Vice: A miniseries that explains the origins and work of the Bow Street Runners, one of London’s first police forces.  Does a great job of opening up some of the early 18th century underside of London including a smidge of 18th century gay culture.

A Harlot’s Progress: William Hogarth was an 18th century artist, printmaker and social commentator whose “A Harlot’s Progress” famously depicts the downfall of a woman who goes into prostitution. This 2006 series explores the relationship that inspired the ‘Harlot’ piece.

The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant: At around the same time America was busy trying to figure itself out, halfway around the world another one of Britain’s colonial possessions - Australia - was just getting started. Hundreds of convicts found themselves stuffed in ships and sent to the other side of the world - a sentence deemed almost more humane. This 2005 series with Romala Garai follows a very famous convict, Mary Bryant, and her experiences.

Banished: Another take on penal colonies in Australia. Currently available on Hulu.

Black Sails: A more recent offering from Starz, this show explores the backstory of the pirates in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island. Lots of great representation issues, a whole lot of ‘how does your story get told’ - and there’s a real big community on Tumblr who loves it and very actively produces all kinds of fic.

Clarissa - Simcoe fans, this one is totally for you. Based on the epistolary novel by Samuel Richardson, Clarissa follows a girl of the same name as the infamous rake Lovelace tries to seduce her. Another look at what how women can be corrupted. Also, for you fandom nerds in the crowd, Lovelace was one of the first characters to inspire fix-it fic. Yes, really! Fix-it fic in the late 1700s. Lovelace is one of the original men for whom the ‘No, really, I can reform him’ trope was created. (Richardson, his creator, was so horrified by this reaction by his fans that he actually revised the book several times to try and make Lovelace even more villainous and irredeemable, with little success. Then as now, women apparently love the idea of a bad boy.)

Amazing Grace - The history of slavery in England and its colonies is complicated and nuanced; this story deals with one of the more famous names from that story, William Wilberforce, and his contribution.

Belle - Based on the true story of Dido Elizabeth Belle, the mixed race daughter of a Royal Navy Admiral. Another look at racial politics in England.

The Aristocrats - One of my all-time favorite TV miniseries and based on the nonfiction book by Stella Tilyard, this show follows the (actual, nonfictional) Lennox sisters, daughters of the Duke of Richmond as they grow up, marry, and adjust to rapid social change from the early 1700s into the 1790s.

The Duchess  - About the same time the Lennox sisters were out in society, so was Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire. This is based on (I’m not sure how closely) Amanda Foreman’s biography of Georgiana, one of the leading ladies of her day.

Dangerous Liasons - Another story about corruptible young women, this one has 3 very well deserved Oscars to its name and an absolutely stunning Glenn Close.

Barry Lyndon - a very evocative, sumptuous film by Stanley Kubrick. Short on action, but very, very Aesthetic, as only Kubrick can do.

The Scarlet Pimpernel - Based on the book by Baroness Orczy, The Scarlet Pimpernel is largely considered to be one of the world’s first ‘superhero with a secret identity’ stories. Sir Percy Blakeney uses his identity as a dim-witted fop to provide cover for his activities rescuing French aristocrats from the guillotine during the French Revolution. The 1982 version with Anthony Andrews and the 1999 version with Richard Grant are both a lot of fun.

Speaking of the French, where would we be without them? Our small domestic dust-up with Britain has far-reaching international consequences, setting in motion so many other social movements in Europe. The French, for instance, will have their own revolution several years after ours, which, of course, will lead to a total political shakeup ending with an artillery officer named Napoleon Bonaparte on the throne as Emperor. (You may have heard of him. He goes on to have his own series of large wars and, you know, completely changes the geo-political landscape of Europe. Like you do.)

La Revolution Francaise, filmed for the 200th anniversary of the Revolution, is available on YouTube in it’s entirety with English subtitles! Starts in 1774 and goes through the 1800s. C’est merveilleux.

Marie Antoinette - Sofia Coppola’s wild, modern romp through the life of one of the 18th century’s most notorious women. It may not be great history, but darn me if it isn’t fun to watch.

Farewell, My Queen - Another story about Marie Antoinette - this one is in French.

Nicolas Le Floch: An 18th century crime procedural set at the court of Louis XVI. The whole show is in French, so watch with subtitles, but the costumes are a lot of fun and it gives an interesting picture of the life a character like Lafayette would have left behind when he came to America. (He gets name dropped a few times, actually, though he never actually appears.)

Ekaterina: A 2014 miniseries from Russia discussing the rise of Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia from 1762 to 1796, contemporaneous to the Revolution. The 18th century is a fascinating time in Russian history and Catherine is a really, really interesting lady. Totally go and read about her.

Anno 1790: A Swedish crime procedural set in 1790s Sweden and following Johann Däadh, a doctor recently roped into the police force. Däadh is a bit of a reformer, interested in the rights of man and giving everyone a chance to be heard. Costumes are fun, and there’s a really great slow-burn romance between two of the characters, one of whom is (gasp) married. This show only ran for one season, but it was a really, really good season.

If you’re still jonesing for period dramas after the rest of this list, here’s a lot of shows and tv series set during the Napoleonic Wars that are also totally worth your time - the Richard Sharpe miniseries, the Horatio Hornblower miniseries, the BBC’s War and Peace, Master and Commander, and then, of course, anything based on a Jane Austen novel.

Have fun!

Nonbinary characters in Steven Universe

Steven Universe has been (rightly) praised for its inclusion of nonbinary gender characters. We live in a world where media almost exclusively presents characters who are men or women (and often treats binary trans people, when they’re even included, as if they are an additional “middle” gender even if they don’t identify that way). So of course, characters who are agender or nonbinary are long overdue and worth celebrating.

HOWEVER.

Steven Universe includes two forms of nonbinary characters, and they both involve aliens. We have Gems who come from space and are largely femme-presenting nonbinary aliens (who use she/her pronouns, but that does not make them female), and we have Fusions whose gender and pronouns are shifted to neutral or undetermined when Steven is included.

While it’s still great to have such a cool science fiction show that’s got nonbinary characters, presenting their nonbinary gender as a consequence of “mixed” genders or extraterrestrial origin subtly associates nonbinary gender with being nonhuman. 

Stevonnie is referred to canonically as “they/them,” and it sets a great example, but we know they are a Fusion of Connie (she/her) and Steven (he/him). 

Smoky Quartz has been referred to as “they” in a context where it was unclear whether it was them or their components being talked about, but given the precedent, I assume Smoky is also they/them: another Fusion of a she/her and a he/him. Fusions of Gems who both use “she/her” are also referred to as she/her, so these pronouns are not reserved for Fusions.

I know several nonbinary, trans, and otherwise gender-atypical people who relate really hard to Stevonnie and/or Smoky, and are thrilled to have this kind of representation. It’s so excellent to see Stevonnie, with their femme-leaning androgyny and their clear attractiveness to guys and girls on the show, developing confidence and never dragging the audience through a Very Special Episode where they feel required to disclose and discuss their gender. They’re worried about other things, but this gender thing? It just is, and people in their life don’t make a big deal out of that part of it. But I think we need more, and I think Steven Universe is just the show to do it.

We currently DO NOT HAVE any known nonbinary characters in the show who are not either aliens or Fusions. If we continue to represent nonbinary characters as having a nonbinary gender only because they’re a mixture of male and female or influenced by nonhuman gender concepts, we’re presenting it as a concept but not as one that might be applicable to someone in the non-magical, non-alien, everyday Earthly world. 

But nonbinary humans are everywhere, and I would love to see someone show up in the show with casually referenced nonbinary representation–so we know this isn’t a gender concept we can only accept in association with fantasy concepts.

What’s interesting is the Steven Universe COMICS are already doing this. First, in Issue 1 of the ongoing comic series begun in early 2017, Steven, Peridot, and Lapis find a baby bird. Steven automatically defaults to they/them pronouns for the bird, and after they argue about the bird’s name for a while, they settle on naming them Susan. 

Susan is a name pretty heavily coded as female in Western society, but they set a great example here by NOT having Steven change to she/her pronouns to refer to the bird just because they have a traditionally feminine name. There is no discussion of what pronouns to use and no justification of this. It’s just there for you to accept, casually, as it should be.

In Issue 2 of the ongoing comic series, we have Stevonnie going to prom with Kiki. There is plenty of weirdness associated with this because Kiki doesn’t know Stevonnie is a Fusion of two kids and they’re both struggling with teen awkwardness that has nothing to do with Stevonnie’s Fusion status, but what’s significant about this is Kiki’s automatic, consistent use of they/them pronouns for Stevonnie when introducing them to her friends. 

Plus, Stevonnie and Kiki use the same dressing room when trying on dresses, try on a variety of clothes (some of which are traditionally gendered either male or female), and don’t completely ignore the issue. 

Kiki asks Stevonnie if they prefer to lead or follow, and that’s a really nice acknowledgment that the expected gender roles have to be redefined for a dance couple like them. 

If you just present a nonbinary character where no one’s ever confused about how to treat them, you’re ignoring programming nearly everyone in our society has, and it’s inevitable that someone like Stevonnie would sometimes confuse people if they’re trying to squeeze them into a gender box–and unfortunately, that also sometimes means being misgendered, like when Kevin called Stevonnie “girl” during their first appearance on the show.

But then, most notably, in Issue 4 of the ongoing comic series, Peridot goes to a Renaissance Faire and watches a joust, with a visiting knight named “Sir Render.” And Sir Render, despite their traditionally masculine appearance and title of “Sir,” is consistently referred to with they/them pronouns. 

Even though they’re a pretty beefy, hefty knight, and even while they’re getting booed by audience members who want them to lose. Nonbinary people do not have to be androgynous, and they/them pronouns can apply to people who are frequently perceived as traditionally feminine or traditionally masculine. Sir Render doesn’t HAVE to “try” to look androgynous or less traditionally masculine to have their pronouns respected. And Sir Render is a background human. Not a Fusion and not an alien. This comic also includes the phrase “Lords, ladies, and gentle-enbies.” Wow.

Some people have criticized Steven Universe for featuring so many same-gender relationships between Gems without broaching that subject with humans. Gems are not women/girls, but because of their gender presentation and consistent use of she/her pronouns, they are clearly designed to at least be very relatable to female and femme audiences. Nonbinary people are certainly supposed to be able to see themselves in the Gems, but girls and women can too–it’s amorphous and up to interpretation, and couples like Ruby and Sapphire or Pearl and Rose can be very meaningful to fans who feel their relationships are more like their own relationships than most anything on television. But when it comes to humans, the explicitly romantic relationships and crushes that include them are surprisingly straight. (And this is acknowledging that human men’s crushes on Gems are not “straight” crushes, since literally any relationship that includes one of them is a queer-coded romance by human standards, but these men are likely perceiving the Gems as women and being attracted to them for the same reasons they are attracted to women.)

Jamie crushes on Garnet. Mayor Dewey crushes on Pearl. Greg crushed on Rose and fell in love with her. Sadie and Lars have, well, something. Steven and Connie are developing a close friendship that will likely one day be a straight-up romance. Lars’s parents Martha and Dante appear to be a straight couple. Connie’s parents Doug and Priyanka appear to be a straight couple. Vidalia had a child with Marty and married Yellowtail, and those appear to be straight relationships. I of course have to be cautious here and acknowledge that characters who LOOK like straight couples may not be straight, especially since bisexual and pansexual people who “settle down” in a relationship are often misinterpreted as being an orientation they don’t identify as just because of the gender of their partner. But given no evidence to the contrary, the show does appear to be showing us humans coupling up only in cross-gender partnerships.

The only exception I can think of besides non-speaking background characters is Mr. Smiley’s relationship with Mr. Frowney. It is not explicit, but subtext certainly suggests that Harold and Quentin used to be a thing. 

There is also Pearl pursuing Mystery Girl and receiving her phone number, which does suggest Mystery Girl was attracted to femme-presenting people at the very least. 

Oh, and of course we also see Peridot rooting for the Percy/Pierre ship on her favorite show, even though the canon of the show has Percy being pushed toward Paulette. And Uncle Andy made a reference to one of his relatives having a “partner,” which seems like something he wouldn’t do if it was a cross-gender relationship considering he also assumed Greg had a wife and used the word “wife.” (This was offscreen, however–not even pictured characters.) 

But overall, what we’ve seen is that we can have same-gender relationships as long as we can hide it behind aliens for plausible deniability. (Though at least in the United States, I think reports of Cartoon Network actively attempting to stop “gay relationships” from getting on TV is highly exaggerated.) It would be fantastic to get some explicit representation of humans having these relationships too. But at least there are some hints and some subtext, while we really don’t have much of anything for human nonbinary characters.

Like most other situations in the show, I think the usually sensitive writing and nuanced understanding of these important issues would be in reach for the Crew on this topic. I really hope we will see nonbinary characters on this show in the future when there is no “alien” or “Fusion” explanation. Plenty of nonbinary humans exist in the real world, and this show would be a perfect place to start reflecting that.

Hooked on a Feeling: Part 1 (HOIC Sequel)

Originally posted by sleepywinchester

Summary: A big secret begins to strain your relationship with Dean. But how will he react when he hears the news?

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,500

Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY (small smutty scene, oral female receiving) anxiety, stress, lying, pregnancy and FLUFF

This is a sequel/companion series to Hold On, I’m Coming

A/N: Ask and ye shall receive my fine follower friends… MORE FIREFIGHTER DEAN! With slight angst. Because have you met me?

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Why you should never say “All men are...”

When third wave/radical feminists say “all men are assholes/rapists/etc.), let’s take a look at the facts.  There are 3.41 billion males in the world. While majority of women fall victims to the hands of males, there are just as many females guilty of being abusers. Here are a couple of statistics before you start attacking me.

  • - 40% of domestic violence victims were men (2004-2005, 2008,2009)
  • 43.4% of men were abused by their partners in 2006-2007. This rose to 45.5% in the following year, but dropped to 37.7% in 2008.
  • In 2006-07, 48.6% of men were subject to severe force during conflict with a partner.

Men are less likely to report abuse or rape because 90% of the time, they are not taken seriously. Second of all, do you know how much pressure they go through because men are EXPECTED to be strong and “manly”, so they’re expected to deal with rape or abuse?

Out of 3.41 billion males in the world, you think ALL of them are rapists and abusive? You think every single man in the world is capable of violence and danger? What about that husband who influences his wife to work so they can both be successful? What about that father who works long hours so his daughters have the privilege of being educated in the top universities in the country? What about that brother who is willing to protect his mother and sister from danger?

You all say “All men are this…”, do you have little brothers? Little male relatives? Do you categorize them in the same stereotype too? Do you look at him and go, “you’re gonna grow up to be a rapist”?

When you were born, did you realize that you’re 50% your father and 50% your mother? Had it not been for your father’s sperm, you would not have been here. Don’t give me BS that you’d be conceived in other ways, no you wouldn’t. If it wasn’t for your mother AND father, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have been here.

I am aware, not everyone of us had the privilege of having good men in our lives, and I’m sorry that I cannot relate to abuse or rape victims. Majority of the men in my life made sure the women in their lives were independent, strong, stable, and not reliant on the men of the family. My father raised me by saying, “you don’t need a man in your life. You don’t have to please any men in your life.” That’s the motto I follow to this day. I don’t need men.

You all have tor realize that not all men are the same. You all saying all men are the same is EQUIVALENT to this:

“20/100 women raped or abused their partners, SO ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL AND BAD!!”

Lastly, If men can’t have a say in women’s rights, than women shouldn’t have a say in men’s rights.

I’m ready for y’all to fight me.

This City Never Sleeps (When I Can’t Stop Thinking About You)

Word Count: 1794

Pairing: Eventual Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cavity-inducing fluff and cursing

Summary: Part Three of This City Never Sleeps. Your friends are nosy.

Tags: @seargantbcky@darlin-you-bitch@emily-ily2@rosep16@comics-and-stuff@t4rt-deco@octopishisahybridanimal@slythergirlimagines​  @philipshaaayyyy @catwoman2502 @minimalistxx @sophiatomlinson23@johnsonxstilinski @raindancer2004 @vanessly @newyorkrebel @letstrysomefanfic @half-superhero


“Wow, she is just…” Peter let out a deep sigh.

“I know,” Ned agreed.

You looked up from your textbook to see them staring wistfully across the room, chins in hand. You followed their line of sight until you landed on Liz Allan, laughing with a couple of her friends across the room.

Just another Wednesday.

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just wanted to draw something cute for myself and my bby <3

—-

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anonymous asked:

Today I was on twitter, and I saw one thing about how liking Draco is tasteless/bad, and that pairing him w Harry is bad bc they have no chemistry anyway. And I know it's all been talked about before, there's lots of opinions, its just silly pairing stuff, but for some reason it made me feel so.. upset. I like the pair, it makes me happy, for a bunch of reasons, some even personal. Idk. Just needed to share this with someone it felt weird in my chest.

Um….rude?!? Like, first off, any movie or show you watch where the main female and main male character hate each other at the start, you just know they are going to get together at the end. Even if there’s no chemistry. It’s such a widely accepted trope for straight couples but clearly less believable when it’s same gender couples.

But despite the fact that the enemies to lovers trope can sometimes be harmful, especially if there is an unhealthy power dynamic followed by no redemption or apology or forgiveness element in between, I still much prefer it to the common - love at first sight bullshit, or let’s loop these two characters together because they’re both unattached and of the opposite gender.

With the enemies to lovers trope, at least in my mind, there has to be development on the part of both characters before you get to the romance part. They have to learn to understand each other first before they fall in love. And in my mind this is a deeper love than falling in love with the idea of someone or someone’s looks and then the rest falling into place later.

Anyway, I agree that the pairing could be distasteful if presented in the wrong way - if Draco never got over his prejudices, if he continued to bully Harry then of course that would be unhealthy. But the way I view Draco as a character, and the way I like to write him is always remorseful, maturing enough to grow out of his family’s prejudices and making up his own mind. And in the process understanding his own feelings better. And of course falling head over heels in love with Harry James Potter (or finally realising he already did long ago).

Sorry long answer.🥃 Tl;dr I love drarry and you shouldn’t feel bad for loving drarry. Sorry that it made you feel upset. 💜💛❤️

kiss the (sous) chef

this is for @yruablackwarbler who wanted a fill for this prompt on @prompt-a-klainefic! Thank you so much for the prompt, darling, and I hope you enjoy :D

Read on AO3

The first time he hears the smoke detector go off in 4B he’s arguing with his brother over the phone. He doesn’t even remember what started this particular argument, but he knows it escalated quickly. He’s just in the middle or retorting to Cooper’s accusation of, “Well, what would you know, you were always Mom’s favorite,” when he hears the beeping.

“Oh, for god’s sake, Cooper,” he says, rolling his eyes. “If you’re going to cook while we fight, can you at least have the decency to do it well? I can hear your smoke detector going off from here.”

“What? I’m not cooking.”

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Preparations (Vows #1)

The next Nessian (finally!)  Previous Chapter is here.  Master list of all my fanfic is here.  Hope you all enjoy this one!  Nearly everyone makes an appearance.  It was supposed to be the last chapter but it got waaay too long (this half is over 5k words) so I split it.


Nesta tapped her pen against the paper.  “I don’t see why I have to do this,” she said flatly.

Feyre sighed, already exasperated, and set her teacup down with a click.  “You’re the one who burst in here this afternoon and told me you had to get married as soon as possible.  Making a list of what you need to get done is the bare minimum if you really expect to be ready in two weeks.”

“Okay, fine,” Nesta grumbled.  She contemplated just giving up on the whole thing, shredding the papers she’d been writing on, and telling Cassian they should just run away, but she supposed now her sister knew that option was done for.  “So far we’ve got: location to figure out, catering, dress -”

“Just ask Rhys about the dress,” Feyre cut in, “he probably already has something.”  

“Why would he have a dress for me?”  Nesta asked, a bit suspiciously.  The tendency of everyone in the Inner Circle to be constantly in everybody else’s business had not grown on her with exposure.

“Well, it’s been weeks since you announced you planned to get married,” Feyre said, like that was a normal explanation.  Evidently Nesta should automatically expect her brother-in-law to produce a wedding dress for her, just like that.

Nesta sat back in her chair and looked at her sister through narrowed eyes.  “What is it with Rhys and clothes?  Where does he get them all?”

Feyre just shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I’ve never asked.  His taste is better than mine anyway.”

An image of her sister’s tall, elegant mate sitting in a private room somewhere sewing furiously popped into Nesta’s mind, and she snorted.  Her sister looked at her in some confusion and she just waved her hand in dismissal.  “Should I cross ‘dress’ off then?”

“No, let’s make sure I’m right first.  And that you like it.  He’ll be here any minute anyway for your session.”  Ugh, magic lessons.  She felt awkward enough with Amren, having Rhys staring at her too didn’t really sound appealing, but she did want to start understanding what she could - and should - do with the fact that she now could hear everybody’s life force.  Certainly before she killed someone by mistake.  Feyre went on.  “We don’t need to worry about flowers, Elain will take care of that.  And I bet Mor has some ideas about catering.  Do you want to use the priestess Elain and Lucien had?”

“Is that the same one you used?”

“Yes.”

“Might as well be consistent then.”  Nesta wrote down ‘Priestess’ with a small arrow that led to ‘whoever Feyre says.’  She tapped the pen against her teeth.  “What else is there?”

“Do you have a guest list yet?”  Nesta most certainly did; she hid her grin as she slid it over to her sister, who read it out loud.  “‘Feyre, Elain, Rhys, The Bastard,’ really, Nesta, is that necessary? ‘Azriel, Amren, Mor,’ all plus one, ‘Nuala, Cerridwen,’ oh good, I’m glad you’re inviting them, ‘Clotho and the rest of the librarians…’”  She looked up and smiled.  “What a great idea.”  Nesta just shrugged, a little embarrassed.  “Who’s ‘Tamirah’ and why is her name surrounded by little hearts?’”

“Oh, that’s just a special one for Cassian,” Nesta replied with a bit of an evil grin.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”  

“And ‘Willow.’  You’re inviting your cat?”

“Of course.  She’s part of the family.”

Shaking her head, Feyre grabbed the to-do list Nesta was now doodling on and scanned the sheet.  “What do you want to do about invitations?”

Nesta made a face.  “Do you really think we need them?  It’s mostly just the family anyway.”

Feyre looked rather shocked.  “Of course you need invitations!  Cerridwen did them for Elain’s wedding, I’m sure she’d be happy to do yours.  And it’s not like we need one for Willow.”  She chuckled.

“Why doesn’t Willow get one if everyone else does?” Nesta asked, deadpan.

“Does she really need one?  She can’t read.”

“Probably not, but it seems rude to exclude her if we do them for everyone else.”  Nesta stole her paper back and noted ‘Cerridwen’ next to ‘Invitations.’  

“Oh, and you’ll need to write your vows.”

Nesta’s stomach dropped.  She had never considered that; never thought about baring her soul in front of all those people, even if it was mostly just family.  “Write my…don’t the High Fae have some sort of set ceremony?  I thought I was just going to have to say, ‘I do’ or something.”

Her sister laughed.  “Didn’t you notice that Elain and Lucien had written their vows?”

“Well, yes, but that’s Elain and Lucien, they have no issue with being all, I don’t know, verbal.  They also had about a thousand people at their ceremony.  I thought I could get out of it.”  She thought for a moment; Elain’s was the only Fae ceremony she had been to.  “Did you write your own vows?”

She didn’t understand the expression that crossed Feyre’s face at what was intended to be an innocent question.  It looked almost like guilt.  “We didn’t have time to write anything, actually.  Since we did it so fast,  we just kind of said what was in our hearts at the moment.  I honestly don’t even remember what we said.”

Nesta pondered that.  While there was something appealing about sneaking out in the middle of the night and spontaneously getting married, or mated, or whatever you wanted to call it, she didn’t want to not be able to remember it.  She didn’t want the handful of people she loved to not be a part of it.  “What would you write if you had to do it over again?”

Feyre’s voice was hesitant, contemplative.  “I think I’d want to tell the story of how I came to love him.  Not so much the mating bond - as deep as it is, I think that’s more biological than anything.  But how he kept me from breaking and taught me and brought me out of the despair I had fallen into.  How he always had so much faith in me, and how he always just knew me.  Knew what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.  Does that make sense?”  

Nesta nodded thoughtfully.  Grabbing a fresh sheet of paper, she began to write.  Feyre poured herself a fresh cup of mint tea and sipped while she waited.  When she was nearly down to the dregs, her sister passed the paper to her then watched her, expressionless, while she read it.  Feyre looked up.  “This is beautiful,” she said softly.  “It’s perfect.”  Nesta took the paper and tucked it away.  Before they could return to their planning, Rhys and Amren appeared.

“What’s all this?” Amren asked, looking at the scattered papers.

“Oh, we’re just planning Nesta and Cassian’s wedding,” Feyre said breezily.  “We’ve got about two weeks.”

Rhys whistled.  “Looks like magic training is going to wait a bit.  We’ve got more important work to do.”  The three females looked at him expectantly.  He grinned.  “Want to see the dresses I picked out?”

Amren rolled her eyes.  “If you are all going to be gushing over wedding dresses, I’m going to go to Summer Court.  See you in a couple of weeks.”  She winnowed away in the middle of Nesta’s protest.  Rhys just shrugged, looking bemusedly at the spot she had just vacated.

“I was still planning on doing some training, but I guess that gives us a little more flexibility.  Come on, let’s go upstairs.”  The sisters followed him into Nesta’s old room, where he pulled three different dresses from a pocket realm and hung them on the armoire door.  All three were stunning, but Nesta only had eyes for the one on the left.  

“That’s it,” she said, pointing.  He handed it to her and she stalked towards the bathing room, Nuala appearing out of nowhere to assist her.  Feyre looked at her mate.

“That was easy,” she said.  

“She’s easy to select for,” he said.  “She always favors the more simple, elegant styles.”

“You knew she was going to pick that one?”  He nodded and Feyre surveyed the other two.  “Well, they’re all gorgeous, but I think it’s the one I would’ve chosen for her too.”

Mor burst through the door just as Nesta emerged from the bathing room in her regular clothes.  “Hey, bitch, when were you going to tell me you’re planning your wedding?”

Nesta blinked.  “Was I supposed to tell you before I told my sisters?”

“Of course,” Mor said, breezing past her cousin and Feyre to flop on the bed.  “I’m the party planner extraordinaire around here.”

Giving a small mocking bow, Nesta replied, “My apologies, I did not know that was one of your formal titles.  I hereby appoint you queen of the catering.  May you prosper.”

Mor returned the bow as best she could from the bed, with a flourish of her hand.  “I shall not disappoint.”

Feyre broke in before the verbal sparring could come to a head.  “Where’s the dress?  Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Wait, I missed the dress?” Mor interjected.

“Then can’t we see it?” Feyre asked almost simultaneously.

“No.”  Nesta could tell Feyre was biting her cheek to keep from snapping at her, and tried hard to not snap her response, though she hated having to defend herself about it.  “Half the people invited are in this room right now.  The dress fits, it’s exactly what I want, and you’ll see it in two weeks.  And don’t you dare use your Daemati powers on me.  Or Nuala.”

Feyre and Mor both turned to Rhys, who had been watching the three females with some amusement.  He shoved his hands in his pockets with his usual grace.  “It’s up to Nesta.  I’m staying out of it.”

“Ugh, what good is being High Lady if I can’t even make my own sister show me how she looks in her wedding dress?” Feyre asked no one in particular.

*****

Cassian was sitting in the family library in the House of Wind, thinking, a blank pad of paper and a pen on the low table in front of him.  There was so much he wanted to say to Nesta when they bound themselves to each other in just one short week, but he could not for the life of him figure out how.  He had cut his training session with Brisa short, sending her to spar with Sabine and Az, while he had flown here to do - exactly nothing.  He growled at the paper, as if he could somehow intimidate it into writing his vows for him.  

The door swung open and Lucien walked in.  He and Elain had returned from the Dawn Court late the night before.  “This is…the exact last place I would expect to find you,” Lucien said by way of greeting.  Cassian couldn’t even find a snappy retort.  Damnit.  He rubbed his face with his hands, then let them drop into his lap.  “Why does it seem like every time I see you, something is always bothering you?”

“Because every time you see me, you’re in the room.  It’s a paradox.”  There, at least he was able to come up with something.

“My my, another big word.  Though I suppose I set myself up for that one.”  He studied the empty paper, russet eye narrowing.  “Let me guess, you’re working on a dissertation on the usefulness of wings.”

Cassian huffed what might have been a laugh.  “I wish, I’d have a thousand pages by now.  No, I’m trying to write my vows.”

The red-haired male slipped into the seat next to him and put his feet up on the table.  “Well, since I just did this a few weeks ago, let me give you some advice.”  

“Okay,” he replied, eyeing the court-trained male warily.

“I’d advise against going with, ‘You’re my mate.  Let’s fuck.’  It kind of takes away from the grandeur of the moment.”

Now Cassian laughed for real.  “I wouldn’t want to steal your line anyway.   I was practically unconscious at the time, but wasn’t that basically what you said when Elain came out of the Cauldron?”

A smirk played on Lucien’s lips.  “I told you I was speaking from experience.”  He crossed his arms and looked straight into Cassian’s steady hazel eyes.  “Why do you want to marry her?  What first drew you to her, though I doubt you got a lot of encouragement?  You’ve been alive and from what I’ve gathered, fucking freely for over five hundred years.  Why decide now to bind yourself to her?”

The slight disdain in his tone coupled with the emphasis on the last word had anger flaring, and Cassian leaned forward, every inch the warrior.  He opened his mouth, and Lucien pointed at the paper.  “Don’t tell me, write.”  His mouth tightened, but he took up his pen and began to work.  There was a lot of crossing out and long pauses, but eventually he stopped, surveyed his work, then passed the paper to Lucien, who had been watching the process with no little amusement.

“I hope that wasn’t as painful as it looked,” he said, before reading the lines.  “Mother’s tits, your handwriting is atrocious.”  His expression changed from its usual irreverence as his eyes scanned the page, and he handed it back wordlessly.  Cassian looked at him with a question on his face, and Lucien merely nodded.  Standing, he walked towards the stacks, dropping a hand briefly on Cassian’s shoulder as he passed.

*****

Elain walked into the kitchen garden, bearing a tray full of iced tea that she set out for everyone before settling into a chair herself.  It was an unusually warm day for this late in the fall and everyone was soaking up the last of the sun’s rays.  She looked even more beautiful than ever, Nesta thought; more grounded, which seemed ironic given how much time Elain always spent with the earth.  Unlike herself, Elain had always imagined and wished to be married with children and a nice manor house and everything.  Though her current situation was not how she planned it when they were younger, being bonded forever to a male as magnetic as the fox-faced bastard didn’t seem to be disagreeing with her at all.  Even if he was just about the polar opposite of Graysen.  Nesta wasn’t sure which of the two males she despised more, Graysen for abandoning her sister or Lucien for winning her in the end.  

“So, I know you were talking about having the ceremony at the House of Wind,” Elain said, “but I’d like to make another suggestion.”  Nesta, Feyre and Mor all looked at her expectantly.  “There’s that walled garden I finished a few months ago, it’s totally enclosed so it would be nice and private, and there should be room for everyone since it’s such a small group.”

“That sounds like a great idea!” Mor exclaimed.  

Feyre looked a little more hesitant.  “Isn’t it a little late in the season for a garden to be practical?”  Nesta was internally grateful to her for asking the question; after all, it was close to winter.

Elain leaned forward eagerly.  “No, not at all!  I designed it to be usable in all seasons, and it’s spelled to protect it from any extreme cold.  Right now it’s got beautiful foliage, and some nice rich flowers in reds and purples and yellows and there are some patches of white.  They should go nicely with Cassian’s Siphons.  Plus I can add some potted or cut flowers of whatever colors you want.”

Nesta smiled at her sister, at her palpable joy and excitement, as she said, “That sounds perfect, and I’ll trust your judgment as to what flowers are appropriate.”  She thought Elain was going to take flight right there and disappear to prep the garden.  It was obviously an effort her her sister to keep in her seat, but she managed to refocus on the rest of the task at hand.  

The three of them went through the extensive menu Mor proposed, then Elain asked to see the guest list.  She studied it for a moment, then asked, “Why is there a burned out hole at the bottom of the list?”

Playing with a piece of her hair, Nesta replied airily, “Oh, Cassian took exception to one of my invitees.”

“But he’s okay with the cat coming?” Feyre asked drily.

Nesta leveled one of her flat looks at her.  “Of course.”  She didn’t understand her sister’s evident irritation at Willow’s inclusion; she’d always seemed to enjoy her playful antics when they spent time together.

Elain piped up, “I’ll manage Willow!  Oh, I’d love to have her there.” Feyre subsided with a shrug and a wry smile, won over by her sweetness, just as everyone always was.

A shadow appeared overhead, and everyone looked up as Cassian touched down.  “Everything going well?” he asked, bending down to brush a kiss to the top of Nesta’s head.  

The four women nodded in unison, then Nesta added, “Other than Feyre being beaten into submission about Willow being issued an invitation.”  He laughed.  

“Can I be updated on the plans?” he requested as he sat on the edge of the table, all chairs being occupied.  Elain and Mor immediately began running through all the details while Nesta sat back, a little bemused.  Elain had been home for less than twenty four hours and was already more involved with the plans than she was.  She met Cassian’s eyes and her mate gave a tiny shrug.  They were lucky to be able to basically wind up the other females and let them go, though she did appreciate having final say.  Not that she had had to overrule much of anything.

“We haven’t discussed one very important thing,” Mor said.  “Alcohol.”  Feyre nodded fervently.  “I’ve already got wine planned, both sparkling and regular.  What else do you want?”

Lucien winnowed in, as if summoned by the mention of liquor, and after kissing Elain and settling her in his lap he joined in.  Only Rhys was absent, having left after their lesson to discuss some sort of assignment for the spymaster.  She found herself missing him a little for some reason.  He had been surprising her with his patience and understanding during their lessons.  Together they had realized her power worked almost directly opposite his - when he wanted to kill, he pushed out with his power, while it seemed she needed to pull in.  They speculated that was why she was unsuccessful against the King, as lashing out could affect a body but not terminally.  Rhys could also affect a huge number at once, while she could sense many but only affect one at a time.  The best thing from a day to day standpoint was she was discovering that she did possess a few of the extra abilities, like accessing pocket realms.  He was also pretty sure she’d be able to winnow given how easily she could manipulate living energy, but she hadn’t managed yet.

Cassian began listing an impressive additional supply of spirits and Nesta refocused onto the conversation.  Feyre chimed in with some of Rhys’s favorites.  Nesta was fine with just the wine.  She didn’t want to forget any of the ceremony, and after her experience with the Gravediggers she doubted her ability to handle anything stronger.  Watching the others laugh and discuss the merits of various liquors warmed her; she loved her mate’s enthusiasm for all of this.  In the human world, the men generally acted as if all this was the women’s territory and beneath them.  Here, the males seemed to see the planning as not just a responsibility but a valued right.  The two present males started an enthusiastic discussion of the merits of licorice in some sort of drink she’d never heard of before, and she sat back contentedly and let the noise and joy flow over her like water.

*****

The night before the wedding, Feyre had insisted that Nesta stay with her and Elain at the townhouse, just as they had for Elain’s wedding, so Cassian went back to the apartment alone.  Willow greeted him with her usual demands for food and petting, then settled herself on the bookcase for a thorough wash and a nap.  He hoped she would enjoy herself at the ceremony; she certainly had never seemed fazed by traveling to the cabin or the townhouse, so he suspected she would take it in stride.  He ate and had just settled down on the couch with a glass of wine to read when he heard footsteps on the roof and headed up to check it out.

Azriel and Rhys were making themselves comfortable on the chairs Nesta had insisted be added to the chaise in the rooftop garden.  They had brought a bottle of something stronger than the wine, no doubt secreted out from under Rhys’s bed.  Cassian took the glass Rhys was holding out and claimed the chaise.  Rhys held up his glass in a silent toast, and the other two echoed the gesture before they drank in unison.  “Feyre kicked me out for the night,” he said ruefully.  “So Az and I decided to come down and keep you company on your last night alone.  Ready for tomorrow?”

“Sure,” he said, with unfeigned nonchalance.  “I mean, we’ve been living together for a few months now.  This is just a ceremony to make it all official, right?  I don’t really expect anything to change other than getting used to wearing a ring.”  He actually couldn’t wait for that part; he loved the rings Rhys had helped him select.

The High Lord looked contemplative.  “I don’t know, my situation was so different.  I mean, we’d only really been together a few days before we had the ceremony, and it was all so rushed…But I definitely felt like having it official made it seem so much more permanent.”  He thought for a moment before continuing, “Somehow, when that priestess declared us married and mated, it was like the bond connected in our bones, not just our hearts.  Does that make sense?”

It was hard for Cassian to imagine the bond being any deeper or more enduring, but he nodded and took a sip of his drink.  He was really going to have to figure out his brother’s source of alcohol at some point, because damn, that shit was good.  There was a patter of tiny feet and Willow appeared on the roof, pausing to look around and sniff for a moment, tail twitching.  Her domain adequately surveyed, she scampered to Azriel and leaped onto his lap, arching her body up to bump him in the face with her little head.  He looked to Cassian with a long-suffering expression, but his hand stroked her automatically and her wild purr reverberated through the garden.

“Why must your cat torture me?” he asked in that cold voice, while scritching under her chin with his scarred fingers.  

“She likes you,” Cassian replied, “is that a bad thing?”  Willow stuffed her tail up Azriel’s nose while vigorously kneading his knee with her tiny needle claws and he glared at his brother, who was struggling not to laugh.  “Are you bringing anyone tomorrow?”

“I’m thinking Willow should be my date at this point,” he replied.  The cat responded by sprawling out on her back along his thigh, fluffy gray belly exposed, feet curling in the air.  

The others both laughed but Cassian sobered quickly.  He studied his brother.  “Mor’s bringing someone,” he said abruptly.  Rhys’s head snapped up, a warning in his eyes.  

Az’s fingers didn’t pause in their massage of the blissful cat’s neck.  “I know.”  There was not a trace of emotion in his voice or on his face.  

Cassian opened his mouth, but Rhys interrupted.  “Leave it alone.”

Az looked between his two brothers for a long moment.  “I always hoped you two would understand,” he said, the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice, his shadows curling around his shoulders.  “I know Feyre doesn’t, but she’s young, and has a human heart.”

“Understand what?” Cassian asked, quite gently for him.

“I am…content, with how things are,” he replied quietly.  “I have no need to share my life with anyone beyond the family.”  

“But -” Cassian started to protest and Az spoke over him, perhaps for the first time in history.

“I do not need what you need, brother.  I am happy for you, for all of you,” he looked to Rhys, “but I have no desire for that type of bond myself.  I thought you could understand that.”

The other two exchanged looks.  “But what about Mor?” Cassian finally asked.

“Any feelings I had for Mor beyond the familial faded a long time ago.  It’s just that none of you noticed.”  There was a cold anger rising in his face, despite the dry humor in his voice.  “You have been assuming for all these years that I sought what you did.  But I have all I need with the two of you.  Brothers who truly care for me.”  Cassian thought of Az’s biological brothers and his eyes flicked to the scarred hands beneath the blue Siphons.  Rhys’s attention was similarly focused.  “And you,” he turned to Rhys, who pulled his violet eyes up to meet his gaze, “brought me the added benefit of Feyre, who despite the fact that she wants for me what I do not desire for myself, also truly cares.”

Cassian was struggling to understand this.  He thought back to how his life had been before Feyre had fallen into it and brought her sisters with her; back to before Rhys had disappeared Under the Mountain.  He had been comfortable, yes, but always restless; he would never have described himself as content.  Even when he was sated following a good fight or a good fuck or preferably both, as soon as the fatigue wore off the buzzing energy had returned.  But he had never seen that with Az, who would take a lover, yes, but without that driving need.  Who while he fought and practiced with an eye to perfection, it was only to hone a necessary skill.   He had always assumed the shadowsinger just hid it better, that the cold rage that lurked beneath the impassive surface was a result of the same emptiness he felt.

Perhaps it was instead a result of the fact that even those who loved him best didn’t really see him.

“Do not dare to condescend to me with your pity,” Azriel snapped, and Cassian bristled until he realized he was not the one being addressed.  He looked to Rhys, to the muscle feathering in his clenched jaw.  “I am not diminished because I am not bound to another.”  Willow startled at the shift in mood, leaping down and skittering across to settle underneath the chaise.  Rhys bowed his head under the fierce glare.

“No, you are not,” he said quietly, almost humbly.  “You most certainly are not.  I just…I can’t believe I was wrong all this time.  And the way you look at Mor, the sadness…I still don’t understand it.”

His voice softer, warmer, Az responded, “I am sad for Mor because I pity anyone who cannot acknowledge even to themselves who they truly are.  Not because of any unfulfilled wishes of my own.”  Cassian could have laughed at Rhys’s expression of utter bafflement, and even Azriel smiled a little.  “Did you think I haven’t noticed Mor bedding females all these years?”

Now it was true shock on Rhys’s elegant face, and Cassian did laugh out loud at his dropped jaw.  “What?”

“You may have noticed,” Cassian said wryly to Az, “but clearly our brother here has been out of the loop.”  He turned to Rhys.  “Did you never wonder why Mor is always hanging out at Rita’s?”

“What about Rita’s?”

The two Illyrians exchanged very amused looks before Cassian decided to take mercy on Rhys.  “Rita’s is basically a hot spot for those who are looking for same-sex options.  Did you not ever wonder why you constantly had males inviting you to bed there?”

Rhys shook his head, a trace of his usual arrogance reappearing as he replied, “No, I get invitations from everyone no matter where I am.  I never really thought about it.  Though considering you also did whenever we were there, I suppose I should have.”

Cassian winked at him.  “I too get invitations from everyone everywhere, brother.”

Az snorted.  “You accept them though, Cass.  Rhys doesn’t.”  Rhys turned to him, looking startled again.  Cassian just shrugged.  

“You better get over yourself,” he said to Rhys, “because Mor is bringing Ahna tomorrow.”

“Ahna?  As in, Vivianne’s sister?”  He nodded, and Rhys turned speculative.  “I wonder what Feyre is going to say to that.”

Clearing his throat, Cassian said, “Um, as far as I know, it was Feyre’s idea.  And Nesta had Cerridwen write the invitation to her directly.”  Laughing again at Rhys’s dismay at learning he really was the last to know, he rose and poured them all another knuckle’s length.  He stood behind Az’s chair, dropping a broad hand on his shoulder, and looked at these males that he had loved almost all his life.  They had fought for each other and pushed each other and each had become a better version of themselves thanks to the other two.  He knew that without Rhys and Az, and Rhys’s mother, he would never have amounted to someone worthy of the female he was to marry tomorrow.  No matter how big the void Nesta filled in his soul, it would never diminish what he felt for his brothers.

Clearing his throat, he raised his glass.  “I know we haven’t done this much since the war, or really for a lot longer than that, but I want you to know that I love you both, no matter what.  To truth among brothers,” he said.  The others raised their glasses, murmuring, “To truth,” in reply.  As Cassian tilted his head back to drain his glass, a shooting star passed overhead, echoing the fiery trail of the liquor down his throat.  All three of them froze, staring at the sky, as awed by the flash of beauty above them as they had been centuries ago when they first stood together beneath the stars.

Camp “You”

Pairing: ReaderXJohn

Prompt: You’re being held prisoner by The 100 after you were found in their territory and John Murphy gets put on watch first.

Warning: swearing, slight sexual tension

“What the hell are we gonna do with her?” you heard yet another unfamiliar voice whisper as you stood outside the tent, glancing at the skinny boy who was supposed to be guarding you that stood a few feet away, his eyes glued to your figure, waiting for any small flinch to give him a reason to hit you. 

“We could kill her.” you heard another voice say, the suggestion causing you to furrow your brows. 

The ‘crime’ you had committed was barely punishable by a firm talking to, let alone death. Hell, you had just been out gathering berries for your tribe when suddenly you had been attacked by a group of boys. They claimed you had intruded on their territory and then they tied you up and took you back to their camp, which brought you to where you were right now. Letting your fate be decided by people who were the same age as you and far less experienced.

“No idiot, we aren’t gonna kill her.” a female voice now spoke, this voice matching up with the face of the blonde girl who you had been shown to when you were first brought to the camp about an hour ago, back when the sun was still in the sky. “How about this.” you heard her say after a moment of silence. “We’ll keep her as a prisoner for a couple days, that at least solves the immediate problem of figuring out what to do, who knows maybe she’ll even give us some information on wherever the hell she’s from.”

You liked that idea better. At least it gave you time to come up with an escape plan before they decided if they actually wanted to kill you or not. 

“Fine but where do we keep her?”

“Yeah and who the hell is gonna watch her?” voices began to ask, bringing up the immediate flaws in the blonde girls plan. However, she had an answer.

“We can keep her in one of the tents and we will take turns watching her.” the blonde girl responded quickly. 

You shifted your weight around on your feet, making the boy guarding you tense up, an act that you noticed and couldn’t help but chuckle at a bit. 

“Whose watching her first?” someone asked only to be followed by silence.

“Murphy, you take the first shift.” a different voice answered after another moment. 

“The fuck I will, I didn’t volunteer to babysit.” a voice that you hadn’t had heard yet spoke up in an angry voice. You could only assume it belonged to Murphy.

“We’ll all take shifts and someone has to take the first one, besides it was your men that brought her in.” the blonde retorted.

“Then have one of them do it.” Murphy spat back.

“Jesus Murphy, can you please just not be a stubborn ass for once!” another voice yelled, this one belonging to a different female. “It’s just standing watch for a couple hours, you don’t need to talk to her, you don’t even have to look at her, all you gotta do is stop her if she tries to escape.”

“Yeah and we all know you love killing people so that last part should be a plus to you.” another voice spoke up, this time being followed by more silence.

“Fine.” Murphy finally answered before you heard footsteps and then the anger filled ripping open of the tent flap. 

You turned to see someone walking out, annoyance in his face which was illuminated by the moonlight. He looked to be your age, if not slightly older. He towered over you even when he stood several feet away. His eyes caught a hold of yours, softening ever so slightly when they looked you up and down. 

Originally posted by kirasfoxes

“Camp ‘you’ is that way.” he spoke suddenly, pointing to his right. You followed his finger to see a vacant tent situated between two other tents that looked the same. “Come on.” he ordered before turning and beginning to walk towards it. You followed several feet behind, almost feeling the angry heat from his body hitting you.

“Someone’s in a bad mood.” you mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear you, causing him to turn and look at you. 

“Yeah I am actually, because I’m now stuck babysitting you for the night because Clarke doesn’t want us to kill you right away, Lord only knows why.” he responded, stepping closer to you, his finger now pointing at you.

“What can I say, I’m charming.” you joked, shrugging your shoulders.

“Try a pain in my ass actually.” Murphy said, even more anger in his voice. It was clear he didn’t appreciate your joke. 

“I would say sorry but for some strange reason I feel like your getting a taste of your own medicine right now.” you spoke, shifting your weight onto on leg and crossing your arms over your chest.

“Don’t play games little girl because I won’t play them back.” Murphy said in a lower voice, this time stepping even closer to you so you were only a foot away from him. “I won’t hesitate to slit your throat.” he warned, looking from your eyes down to your lips and then back up to your eyes, licking his lips slightly.

“Then why haven’t you yet?” you question, looking up to him with your big eyes, his body heat feeling like an oven against the front of you. 

The two of you stood in silence for a moment, soaking in each other’s facial features before he huffed and turned around, beginning to walk towards the tent again. 

“I told you, it’s the charm.” you chuckled, beginning to follow him as well.

“Shut up.” he muttered back.

Lowly Assistant (Part 1)

Notes: I don’t have this entirely planned out, but I do know where I want it to go. I hope you guys like it, and as always, constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged.

Word Count: 904

How you ended up here, getting stared down by your boss’ second oldest son, you couldn’t say. All you had done was tell him that Bruce was currently in a private meeting with the head of Research & Development Wayne Technologies, and he looked about ready kill someone. You even had a slight suspicion that he might have added you to his shit list.

“I can email Mr. Wayne if you’d like. It’s the quickest way to contact him. He has his phone, and the computer in his office has an alert system set up.”, You said politely.

“Do it.” he replied stiffly.

“He should be done shortly in any case, you can see him in his office as soon as his meeting is over.”

“Thank you ever so much for your permission oh lowly assistant.” he snapped.

You just smiled at him trying not to be bitter. Now was a good time to remember how grateful you were to your best friend from college, Tim, for helping you even get an interview at Wayne Enterprises. You had been expecting to maybe have a chance at getting a spot as a receptionist or an office aide in human resources. You definitely had never expected to get an offer for the position of Bruce Wayne’s personal assistant.

Bruce Wayne was a good boss, and a reasonable one. Sure when you had figured out his secret about her nighttime activities, you had seriously reconsidered your life, but he had promised that you wouldn’t have to deal with any of that bleeding into his life as Bruce Wayne. You had a good thing going for you here, and you weren’t about to mess it up just because one of his sons was being a complete ass to you. You had thought Tim was exaggerating, but perhaps there was more truth to what he had told you.

Just as you thought Jason might actually try to throw something at you if he had to wait any longer, Bruce’s office door opened, and he himself escorted the tall, modelesque woman from Wayne Tech to the elevator.

“Y/N, please clear my schedule for the rest of the day.” Bruce said.

“Yes Mr. Wayne.” you said as he and Jason walked into his office.

You did as he asked, and settled into the slow routine of your usual tasks. You were working on preparing his notes for an event the following week, when the elevator opened and out walked an assistant from the ground floor, and a couple of detectives from the Gotham City Police Department that you recognized from events you had attended with your cop ex-boyfriend.

“Excuse me, Mr. Wayne is currently occupied, if you’d like to set up an appointment with him, he will be available briefly at 10:15 tomorrow.” you said.

The detectives walked past your desk and straight to Bruce’s door and you followed them quickly.

“Mr. Wayne, I am so sorry, they just went straight past me.” you said rushedly.

The female detective with dark hair spoke first, “Mr. Todd, we have a warrant for your arrest.”

“What?” you exclaimed, thoroughly confused looking from your boss to his son.

“On what grounds have you obtained this warrant.” Bruce said calmly.

“Mr. Todd’s blood was found at a crime scene. He’s a suspect in a murder.” the tall blond detective said.

“What time was I supposed to have committed this murder.” Jason asked lazily.

“Please come with us Mr. Todd. We have some questions for you.”

“Don’t answer anything until your lawyer gets there.” Bruce said as he pulled his phone out.

You could see the worry start to cloud his eyes so you acted quickly.

“If it happened last night you’re mistaken, Jason and I were on a date last night.” you blurted out.

All heads in the room turned to you. Jason looked at you curiously.

“And you are?” the female detective asked.

“ Y/N Y/L/N, I’m Mr. Wayne’s personal assistant, and Jason and I went on a date last night at 7 pm.” you said.

“Is this true Mr. Todd?” she asked.

“Yes.” Jason said stoically.

“How long were the two of you together.” the male detective asked.

“He left my place at around 6 this morning.” you said.

“…and this was your first date?” he asked.

His partner gave him a funny look, “Detective, I don’t see the relevance in that question.” you stated bluntly.

“Mr. Todd we still need to take you in for questioning, but we’ll let out Lieutenant know about this. Ms. Y/L/N I’m going to need your contact information.” The more professional detective said.

“Of course.” you said and gave it to her.

As they left with Jason, Bruce gave you a questioning look that you didn’t dare meet. You both waited until you were sure they were both gone before speaking.

“What was that?” Bruce asked sternly.

“It just came out.” you said nervously.

“I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to get involved in anything not regarding to Wayne Enterprises.”

“Your family does regard Wayne Enterprises.”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Well it’s too late to take back now.”

“It’s fine, we can still fix it.”

“I’ll leave you so you can call the lawyer.”

You made your way to the door, and just as you were closing it behind you, you heard his voice call out, “Thank you”.

ronisstheking  asked:

Dating Tom Riddle would include?

Dating Tom Riddle would include:

  • A lot of fights because he’s distant emotionally
  • (but he always gets you a gift afterward)
  • He always thinks he’s right
  • (and it pisses you off that he usually is)
  • Sarcastic banter 24/7
  • Being competitive about e v e r y t h i n g
  • (especially test scores)
  • Despite being slightly sour when you beat him at something, he’s impressed and it only reinforces why he’s with you
  • You getting jealous because of all the female attention he gets
  • (but he literally shows zero interest)
  • His followers know to respect you just as much as they do him
  • He makes sure to keep you out of all his darker activities
  • (even though you insist you can handle it)
  • Him being extremely protective over you
  • Other guys know better than to talk to you
  • Going to all the Slug Club meetings together
  • (and Slughorn always bringing attention to the “power couple”)
  • Having debates about anything and everything, even if you agree on something
  • (which you usually do)
  • Duelling 
  • (he lets you use curses and Unforgivables but he keeps things tame on his part)
  • (you’re never able to hit him anyway)
  • (which causes his ego to get even bigger than it already is)
  • He dislikes affection
  • (actually just being touched in general)
  • (but eventually finds that he doesn’t mind you sitting on his lap)
  • (or sex)
Gregg Araki, Eternal Teenager by Charles Bramesco

“Life is lonely, boring and dumb.” —The Doom Generation

“I feel like a gerbil smothered in Richard Gere’s butthole.” —also The Doom Generation

Gregg Araki likes young people. He likes their asymmetrical dyed hair and ripped denim, the tight fabrics that look like placeholders waiting to be ripped off. He likes shoegaze and dream-pop music, Cocteau Twins and Ride and the Smiths. He likes drugs, whether that’s the de-stressing release of a hand-rolled joint, the supercharged kick from a bump of coke, or the rush from the right colored pill. He likes junk food, low-budget grindhouse movies, and joyriding. And he likes sex— all different kinds, with boys and/or girls, with multiple partners, often at once.

Araki clutters his films with signifiers of his many fixations, like a student doodling in the margins of their marble composition notebook or taping up magazine clip-outs to the inside of their locker. It’s all mashed together into one overstuffed barrage of out-there allusions, conspicuously cool stylistic flourishes, and endlessly quotable catchphrases. In the case of Totally Fucked Up, The Doom Generation, and Nowhere—three of the director’s early films that fans have colloquially bound together as the “Teenage Apocalypse trilogy”—those qualities of adolescence and freewheeling messiness are inextricably linked. The soul of Araki’s trilogy, the key to its rowdy pubescent essence, lives in the flaws that make these films as perversely charismatic as they are. To be a teenager is to be a fuck-up, and nobody fucks up more beautifully or entertainingly than Gregg Araki.

His earliest films were highly experimental, blithely erotic projects slapped together for next to nothing, suffused with their director/writer’s passions and fetishes. But even as Araki advanced out of both his twenties and the five-figure budget range, his unapologetic teen spirit polarized audiences. It outright alienated Roger Ebert, who notoriously slapped The Doom Generation with a zero-star rating and called its director “a stylist who can use concepts like iconography and irony to weasel away from his material.” The esteemed critic objected to the constant sarcasm and thick stew of references, and while his charges may very well stick, they’re also integral to the film’s representation of teenager-dom.

Totally Fucked Up is a Handicam-shot chronicle of queer teenage life in fifteen parts, The Doom Generation follows a nasty-tempered ménage à trois on a bloodsoaked spree across the California sprawl, and Nowhere tracks the evolution of a relationship between two polyamorous bisexual teenagers during a secret alien invasion. All three films share the foremost objective of replicating what it feels like to be young, punk, and horny. Rather than merely depicting the radical mood swings and world-is-ending dramatics of the pre-adulthood years, Araki’s films actively perform adolescence.

Nobody could possibly deny that Araki’s trilogy has a whirling chaos to it, but rather than the mark of an undisciplined filmmaker, this constitutes a deliberate aesthetic choice befitting the material. The Doom Generation’s combustible trio on the lam calls to mind the previous year’s Natural Born Killers as well as Bonnie and Clyde, Badlands, and a host of forgotten teensploitation flicks that all gibe with Araki’s arrested-development reference points. What, after all, could be more recognizably teenage than bearing your influences and personal faves for all the world to admire? Nowhere (named after the 1990 EP from shoegaze godfathers Ride) applies that more-is-more-is-more philosophy to its narrative structure, which jumps from character to character whenever the plot threatens to stagnate even for a moment.

His films are terminally chill when they’re not manic, finding quiet interludes (emphasis on ludes) for fake deep philosophizing. “Ever feel like reality is more twisted than dreams?” wonders James Duval as The Doom Generation’s cuckolded Jordan White. Araki’s not affecting the irony that his opponents so frequently accuse him of; while he’s not sincerely asking the question (even he’s not that stoned), he’s sincerely presenting the act of asking it. The director understands what would possess the character to say such a thing, and because he treats the line of dialogue as valid instead of an object for mockery, the overall tone comes off as sneering snark. The closest Araki’s characters get to an undying devotion of love is “I hope we die simultaneously, like in a car wreck or a nuclear bomb blast or something.” Grappling with meaning far beyond one’s sphere of comprehension is also a fundamental component of the teenage experience.

Oh, and the sex. There is, to put it mildly, a lot of doing-it in le cinema de Araki. He’s unabashed about the pleasure he takes in the image of the body, male and female alike (Araki has self-identified as bisexual), though most of his scenes aren’t oriented around mutual pleasure or even romance. There’s a hectic, desperate sting to the furtive rutting that goes on between the main couple of Nowhere, the assorted lovers of Totally Fucked Up, and the central threesome of The Doom Generation. The movements are fast, sloppy, driven by hunger. Araki skirts any unearned romanticization of youth sexuality and exposes a truth often denied by cinema: teenagers are not necessarily better at boning, they just try harder. Jordan and Amy Blue (a standout Rose McGowan) share the following exchange as they lie in postcoital cool-down:

“Don’t you think sex is, like, totally strange? Just the whole idea of it: all fleshy and stiff, inserted in these warm squishy places?”
“I think it’s more powerful than we’d like it to be.”
“It’s fuckin’ trippy, that’s for sure.”

Araki welcomes the awkwardness, the uncomfortableness, all the wrinkles of lovemaking that get ironed out with experience. The unsanitized experience, warts and all (occasionally literally), make it to the screen intact.

If the gratuitous sex or hormonal shifts in tone don’t get his detractors bristling, Araki’s retro razor-blade dialogue can still come off as overbearing. To acolytes of colorful Z-grade cinema scripts, lines like “You’re like a life support system for a cock!” qualify as sacred psalms. To non-believers, however, a one-liner as gleefully trashy as “This party’s about as much fun as an ingrown butt hair” sounds like the handiwork of a man infatuated with his own voice. But again, that characteristic, however amateurish, emulates the teen preoccupation with slang. Youths form social groups and individual identity through highly specialized vernacular; if it sounds like Araki’s speaking an insular language that only his chosen people can pick up, that means he’s on the right track.

The MTV-on-even-more-drugs highs and lo-fi lows, the incorrigible horndoggery, the too-cool-for-school dialogue, the efforts to do everything at the same time — it all comes back to Araki’s core nature as a trier. The Teenage Apocalypse trilogy finds Araki trying extremely hard to be cool, and this may be the most quintessentially teenage, nakedly honest aspect of his entire oeuvre. In his trilogy, Araki strives to produce a pop-culture object that will transfix the same burnout punks he fetishizes in his films, an obsession he clearly shares. That desire to be liked, to fit in, to be like your idols—that’s the central pillar of school-aged emotional immaturity.

Across the scores and scores of movies about young people, the default authorial viewpoint has been that of someone who’s been through it all. Tragedies and triumphs are kept in perspective, and by the time the end credits roll, our protagonist has probably learned a valuable lesson or two about the world of adulthood. But the most honest, true-to-life portrayals of teens don’t come from the worldly-wise stance of an adult looking back; they should hum with the ragged-around-the-edges, work-in-progress feeling of that specific life phase. Araki’s Teenage Apocalypse trilogy gives us cinema’s closest approximation of an impossible dream: a professional film about the agony and ecstasy (and Ecstasy) of being a teenager, straight from the source. Ah, to be young, hot and turned-on forever…

2

I’m not so sure why I got so much positive traffic these past couple of weeks, but I’m happy to have it :)  So I spent a part of yesterday making this piece as a way to celebrate and welcome my new followers with a fresh doodle.  I just made up this character but she’s clearly an amalgamation of several 80s, anime, female protagonists. I grabbed the background image from something else I’m working on in my spare time. It was designed by the insanely talented, Brandon Cuellar

circle-skye  asked:

Monoma scenario?? Fem reader has a ghost quirk so whenever she touches something it goes right through. She always been depressed at not being able to hug any of her friends or touching anything, so monoma takes her quirk and gives her a ghost hug??? Lol I don't know where I was going w this?? She's super teary eyed and surprised??

Oh my gosh, this is so so cute! I love Monoma~

(I usually try to write gender neutral stuff, but since it was specified I decided to use female pronouns this time. I also wrote this in third person, I hope you don’t mind).

-Eri

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ 

It wasn’t difficult for Monoma to discern a change in (Y/N)’s mood. Just moments before, she had been cheerfully recounting an episode of her favorite tv show. When she glanced off to her right, however, her sentence began to trail off and her lips settled into a small frown.

He followed her gaze. It appeared that she was staring at the couple passing by. At first Monoma felt a twinge of jealousy, thinking she must’ve been frowning because she had feelings for someone in that relationship. Upon further inspection, he noticed she wasn’t looking at either of them in particular, but she was instead fixated on their hands. Eventually something clicked. He realized her sudden gloom was because of her inability to hold hands with anyone.

(Y/N)’s ghost quirk was quite amazing, but everything has its pros and cons. Monoma began to wonder if she’s ever been able to touch anything at all. Has she ever been able to hold hands? Or receive a hug? Based on her negative reaction to this couple’s public display of affection, he guessed that the answer was a ‘no’.

Monoma decided he wanted to be the one to change that. He was sure that with his copy quirk, he’d be better suited to do it than anyone else. He could think of a few potential problems, though. If he copied her quirk he would become a ghost. But can ghosts hug other ghosts? He wasn’t sure. And would he even be able to activate his quirk in the first place? He needs to be able to touch someone in order to copy their quirk. Maybe if he just put his hand where her body is supposed to be…? He decided to stop contemplating all of the theoretical ways his plan could backfire and to just go for it. It was worth a shot, right?

“I’m going to try something. Hold still,” he commanded.

(Y/N) was about to ask what he meant by that when she was suddenly engulfed in a hug. It took her a few minutes to process what was actually happening. Was this a hug? An actual hug? How? Why? The feeling was so surreal for her that she could barely think straight.

Monoma, concerned, began to pull away. He thought he’d done something wrong. He was sure he’d receive at least some sort of positive reaction. Wait, was she crying? Maybe this was a miscalculation on his part. But how could it have been? He was so sure…

“Are you oka-” He began.

She quickly wrapped her arms around him, pulling him much closer than before.

“Monoma…” she murmured, ”…Thank you.”

“If you hug me any tighter than this, I won’t be able to breathe,” he remarked. (Y/N) quickly loosened her grip and backed away a few paces.

“I didn’t say you had to stop altogether… Come back over here, I’ll help you get used to this whole hugging thing, okay?”

Falling for You was easy

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader

Word Count: 7,434

Warning: Mentions of torture, pain, cursing, violence, blood, fluff?

(A/N): I didn´t plan on posting this, but it´s been on my mind for a while now. I   didn´t separate it into multiple ´parts´ either simply because I suck at cliffhangers. I don´t know yet whether I´ll continue writing and posting, and must ask you to bear with my terrible grammar and spelling. Enjoy!

Translation: (Y/N): Your name, (L/N): Last name, (H/C): hair color/ brunette, blonde etc., (E/C): eye color


Originally posted by torturezone

Madagascar?

She raises a brow, slender finger tracing the outlines of the map before her.

“Madagascar”

Fury confirms with a nod, turning to the screen behind him.

“You are to meet and extract Dr. Lara Martin.”

A picture appears on the screen, showing a woman in her mid-forties, brown hair tied into a messy bun, green eyes sparkling behind a pair of old glasses.

“Your team has been already briefed and is waiting in the jet.”

She quirks her brow once more, lips pressing into a tight line.

“Team?”

Fury affirms with a nod, turning his attention to someone behind Natasha. She spins in return. Sparkling [E/C] eyes and an unreadable expression greet her, set into perfect contrast on the flawlessly beautiful face of the woman before her.

“[L/N]”

Fury acknowledges her with a small smile, she greets him with a two-fingered salute and pushes of the wall.

“Shall we?”

She arches a brow at Natasha, who merely narrows her eyes ever so slightly.

“A trainee?”

Both turn to Fury, the young female looking as unimpressed as before while the red head hardly manages to contain her annoyance.

“They have to learn somehow.”

A shrug is all she gets in return before Fury wishes them luck and walks off.

“If it helps, I offer my sincerest condolences​ to you.”

The statement is accompanied by a slightly raspy chuckle, a thick British accent manifesting and cutting the silence that befell the two of them. The [H/C] offers her hand and lets the corner of her mouth twitch upwards.

“It’s [L/N], [Y/N] [L/N].”

The name rolls off her tongue effortlessly, eyes seeking and finding their green counterparts.

“Natasha Romanoff”

She accepts the hand, shakes it briefly and keeps walking, sending a quick sideways glance at the young trainee. She can almost feel the strength her lithe body possesses, even while walking. For a moment, she lets her eyes wander further, past her standard SHIELD uniform and towards her neck, where she can see a small scar stretching along the place where the trachea is located, barely hidden by the black collar of her uniform.

“Finally!”

She avoids her gaze to the two males before them- twins, she idly notices- who stand bouncing on the balls of their feet almost impatiently.

“The Castillo twins.”

[Y/N] nods towards the pair and Natasha could have sworn she saw her roll her eyes in annoyance at the males.

“Mark to your left and John to your respective right.”

Two grins match the introduction, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Wheels up in five!”

They turn and Natasha is somehow glad to see [Y/N] stand next to the pilot, nodding towards her with a knowing look on her face.


The hours spend flying to the island Natasha uses to study the location of the extraction point, along with the team given to her. She is pleasantly surprised to discover that the three are the highest ranked trainees, both twins having shown to be especially good at marksmanship and hand to hand combat during training.

It is [Y/N]’s file that sparks her interest however. Both family and past held classified, the only thing she is left to look at are her skills. And those are- should the files be believed- exceptional to say the least. She lets her eyes wander towards the female in question, watching her every move as she loads her guns. She will be the one she’ll go into the base with, while the twins will stay behind and keep their backs covered.


They land on a patch of grass a couple of miles from the extraction point and leave the jet with the pointed look of the pilot burning into the back of the twins’ skulls. The walk to the base is silent, eyes trained on the building that protrudes from the canopy of leaves and branches.

“A church?”

Mark’s voice is tense, confusion etched onto his face.

“More like a monastery.”

[Y/N] mutters, facing the building.

“They gave us the wrong blueprints”

She continues after a while, sending a glance towards the red headed woman who too tensed up at the sight of the monstrous structure.

“What now?”

John clutches his rifle tighter, looking around.

“We go in and scope out the monastery for the Doctor.”

Natasha begins and faces the two males.

“You stay here and keep watch.”

Three nods are all the affirmation she needs to begin walking, [Y/N] close in tow. They pass the gates and slide inside, eyes trained on the large crucifix before them.

“I think now would be a good time to mention that I despise-”

The [H/C] stops and turns, releasing the safety on her gun, alarmed by something that Natasha had trouble making out. A few tense moments later she lets her arm drop to her side, taking a couple of steps forward. The red head follows, watching the female kneel and inspect the edges of a door with narrowed eyes.

“What the-”

Her eyes widen, Natasha’s ​following behind mere seconds after as she sees a thin wire snap.

“Bloody hell!”

They sprint behind the nearest corner, pressing close to the wall just as an explosion shakes the building.

“Of course, it’s a bloody trap.”

[Y/N] sighs, pulling out a knife and bracing herself for the fight that is sure to come, while Natasha contacts the twins.

“They’re under attack.”

The [H/C] nods curtly, eyes tracing the outlines of a flash grenade before she throws it back with a small snarl.

“If it’s any relief to you boys, we are too.”

She breathes into the com, just before the first Hydra Agents make their appearance known with heavy fire. She returns the pleasantries and empties her magazine in an exhale, narrowing her eyes when they close in on them, forcing the two females back to back. They function like a well-oiled machine, flawless and fast, relentless and lethal, reducing the enemies number swiftly, despite it being just the two of them. Both would have lied had they stated that they weren’t surprised by that themselves.

“Damn it”

The red head ran out of bullets, eyes widening as [Y/N]’s shoulder met hers, pushing her harshly a few steps back while the woman herself shot an Agent in the chest.

“Here”

She tosses Natasha a gun that she held stored in her chest pocket, throwing an incoming male over her shoulder before shooting him.

“Thanks”

The [H/C] could almost feel her smirk, and frankly it was enough for the corner of her lips to quirk upwards too.

“Don’t mention it”

A bullet whizzes past her and she hisses, shooting the offender before clutching the wounded limp. Natasha takes notice of it, turns to make sure the coast is clear and briskly walks over to the female to check up on the injury herself.

“It’s just a flesh wound”

[Y/N] mutters once the woman is close enough to hear her, coughing at the smoke and dust that covered the entire place and obscured their view.

“A gaping, bloody, hurts-like-a-motherfucker flesh wound, but a flesh wound at that.”

She adds some time later, earning a smirk and small chuckle from the red head in return. She slumps against the wall and watches as Natasha contacts the boys, attempts to at least.

“Their coms are off.”

She states and in an instant [Y/N] is back on her feet, reloading her gun and handing Natasha another magazine. The red head gets the hint, takes it and reloads her own gun, already on her way to the gate. She pushes it open and prepares for another fight, narrowing her eyes when she is met with a deserted yard.

“I think now would be good time to point out that this is bloody strange.”

Natasha nods in agreement, motioning for [Y/N] to follow her back to the jet. They set into a hurried jog, weapons still drawn and more alert than ever. The patch of grass that the jet once stood on is abandoned, both vehicle and team gone.

“Those assholes…”

She lets her arms fall limp to her sides and watches with barely hidden resentment as the Hydra Agents circle them.

“Fight?”

Nonetheless the futility of that proposition, she nods, standing back to back with the infamous Black Widow once again.

“Absolutely”

They were faring well enough for some time, killing every Agent in sight. But they were outnumbered. Ridiculously so and slowly but surely, they tired. [Y/N] was first to go down, having received a kick to the chest that send her tumbling before being restrained by three Agents. Natasha came second, falling face first into the grass after a male managed to hit her strongly on the back of her neck. Her face was the last thing [Y/N] saw before her own world went black.


Ironically enough Natasha’s ​face was the first thing she woke up to too, her green eyes flitting between the dizzy [H/C] and two men in obnoxiously white lab coats.

“Good morning, dear.”

She sighs at the greeting and grunts in response, shifting so she is facing the males too. She feels the metal around her wrists as she does so, uncomfortably cold and tight around her skin, probably tight enough to leave a bruise. Her back arches slightly as the freezing metal rod she was chained to rubbed against her burning back, making her realize that those bastards in front of her dragged her all over the ground by her hands, scraping off some of her skin if she had to guess while at it too. With another sigh she leans backwards slowly, hissing at the harsh contrast the icy rod provided her with.

“No need to get comfortable”

She watches him chuckle and step forward, taking a fistful of her hair into the palm of his hand and yanking it towards him with a smirk. She meets his gaze and scoffs, seemingly unimpressed by the sudden terseness of his actions. He doesn’t move for a while, accepting the silent challenge and staring into her stunning pools for a moment before snarling and standing upright once again.

“We have some questions for you, lovely ladies”

He begins, grinning widely as he pulls on a pair of dark leather gloves before turning to face Natasha.

“Questions you”

He nods towards the red head

“will answer unless you want her”

He sends [Y/N] a fleeting glance

“to pay the consequence.”

He turns to his partner and nods once more, crossing his arms over his chest as the slightly shorter male takes out a notebook and flips it open.

“Your names?”

He reads out after a while, taking out a pen. His voice is gruff, holding a rasp to it that only lifelong smokers possess.

“Your names?”

He repeats again to make sure the question was heard, eyes wandering between the unreadable duo. With a shake of his head he watches as the slightly taller male takes matters into his own hands, taking a swing and kicking the [H/C]-haired female right into her chest. They watch her gasp, coughing a couple of times as the wind gets knocked out of her lungs. Absently they notice the red head tense, green eyes fixated on the coughing female to her immediate left.

“Whom do you work for?”

Silence and another kick

“What was the objective of your mission?”

One more kick to the chest and a splatter of blood follow the tense silence, female hunched over with blood running down her chin. She is wheezing for air by now.

“Your names?”

He repeats the question once more, waits a few seconds and strikes. He doesn’t stop this time, punches and kicks her over and over, satisfied to see Natasha turn her head from the gruesome display before her. At least they’re getting somewhere. When he finally stops, [Y/N] is hanging limply at the rod, passed out and bloody. Both grin and turn to the red head, offering her one last chance by repeating the second question. She doesn’t answer and they close the door.


The second time the [H/C] wakes up, she is facing Natasha, whose face is resting between two gloved palms. It’s her turn now. The questions stay the same, the treatment too, only that unlike the red head [Y/N] doesn’t turn away from the scene when the tall man refuses to stop his assault, knowing fully well that if she does they would continue switching her and Natasha’s positions daily- for as long as it would take SHIELD to find them. She had been right, of course, and over the course of the next twelve days it is her who gets beaten into a bloody pulp over and over again. She takes the beatings silently, not giving them the satisfaction in seeing her scream and cry, only allowing the occasional hiss to escape her busted lips when the males leave the room for good.

“You alright?”

Her voice is but a whisper in midst of the night- or maybe day, it was hard to tell while being held in a cell-like basement- raspy, sounding hardly concerned to the untrained ear, yet the [H/C] knows better.

“Never bloody better”

A cough breaks loose as if to mock her statement, a small sigh escaping the red head in return.

“I’m sorry…”

[Y/N] merely shakes her head, dragging her tongue over her lips absently as she stares at the ceiling.

“I should be the one saying that”

She simply states, idly noticing that this is the first time the assassin had spoken to her since they were captured.

“Why should you? You did your best.”

[Y/N] chuckles weakly in return, avoiding her eyes to her lap once more.

“Makes it even sadder, doesn’t it?”

Their conversation is interrupted by a sickeningly loud laugh, eyes trailing upwards to meet the bemused face of the tall male before them.

“How sweet.”

He exclaims with a voice so sweet it makes them physically sick, marching closer to the handcuffed duo. He watches their faces for a while before taking out a syringe out of his coat pocket and raising it up for them to see.

“This, my lovely ladies, is a syringe”

He begins in a singsong voice, grinning widely at them as he shakes it lightly, watching the blue liquid inside the capsule move with glee.

“Inside that syringe is a serum- my personal favorite.”

His eyes sparkle as he softly caresses [Y/N]’s left upper arm

“It’s better known by the name Fire and Ice, and does, just as the name states, only those two things. Burn and freeze.”

He pauses, showing his white teeth as his grin widens some more.

“Burn and freeze what, you wonder? It’s simple, it gives you the impression that you’re being burned alive from the outside, while making it feel like your blood is freezing over from within.”

He lets the syringe float centimeters from [Y/N]’s arm, chuckling lightly as he does so.

“It was often used by the KGB, for a while even by Hitler’s pathetic subordinates, yet none managed to utilize it as perfectly as Hydra does.”

Another soft caress and sick grin follow

“Last chance. Whom do you work for?”

He shrugs his shoulders at the silence, plunging the needle into [Y/N]´s shaking shoulder with far more force than necessary before letting the serum into her system.

“Have fun”

With that he walks out, closing the large metal door behind him with a cruel grin. The red head is left watching as [Y/N] bites down on her lip, sweat slowly forming on the crease of her brow while her body convulses. It was working. Gradually her self-control begins to slip, blood seeping from her lip at the force with witch the female bites down. The deafening​ silence is now filled with grunts and whimpers, minutes later growls and yelps that continue filling the room with sound until much later, accompanied by a few stray tears that escape while the [H/C] twists in pain. Natasha​ turns her head away once again, shutting her eyes tight and gritting her teeth in hopes of it all ending soon.


It does some time later- hours, days she’s not really sure. But it does, allowing the female to slump forward and release a shaky sigh. As if the almost insignificantly small exhale was some sort of cue, the door swings open. Three males in white lab coats take their places in front of the cuffed females, while two more roll in an old water tank and leave, shutting the door behind them with far more force than necessary. Their patience has run out. The one closest to [Y/N] crouches down behind her after taking a few steps forward, unfastens the cuffs and yanks her to her feet. She wobbles, loses her footing and falls, hissing when the formerly hardly moving men get her back on her feet by her armpits. They drag her to the tank, cuff her wrists behind her back again and jolt her forwards, face first into the water before her. Natasha is left watching as the [H/C] trashes around in the men’s arms, who stand above her with smirks on their faces, waiting. Still waiting. They don’t plan on releasing her. Natasha realizes in horror, eyes widening as she watches [Y/N]’s attempts to escape the water cease gradually.

“Stop it!”

The words leave her mouth with no filter, raspy, high pitched and unexpectedly terrified. They don’t listen, [Y/N]’s body growing still.

“Please stop!”

A sickeningly wide grin is all she gets in return before the female is jolted back, gasping and coughing. Her eyes sting and water, mouth opening and closing as if to say something. But they don’t give her the chance, simply jerk her right back in, ignoring Natasha’s pleas.

“Please…”

It comes out as nothing but a ragged pant, the second time they pull her out. Tears are flowing down her bruised cheeks and they know they broke her.

“I’ll give you anything”

She sends the red head a look that speaks louder than words ever could and she understands. She can’t take anymore.

“just please stop…”

They nod in silent agreement, the third male- the one that had previously uncuffed her- reaching into his pocket to retrieve a syringe. She flinches at the sight and they are quick to ease her concerns with feigned sympathy.

“It will merely put you under sedation for a while.”

The one to her right explains, loosening his hold on her arm.

“After you give us the answers we want, we’ll release you.”

The one to her left adds and steps back, closer to Natasha who can only watch helplessly. Her green eyes stay trained on the battered female who nods in understanding and shuffles closer to the man with the syringe.

“It will prick a little”

He warns, taking of the cap and kneeling next to her, ready to inject the substance within.

“I sure hope it will”

Her voice changes suddenly, broken [E/C] orbs hardening to cold greyish [E/C]. She kicks the man in the face, tearing the syringe from his hands and forcefully plunging the needle into the tight of the shocked man to her immediate right. He collapses to the floor, while the last man attempts to retreat. She is faster though, jumping high enough for her knees to reach her chin, while moving her cuffed hands underneath her. Once back on solid ground, she strikes, flinging her arms over his head and pushing him back towards her, solid metal chain around his neck. He yelps, struggling to break free, yet his attempts are futile. She is stronger. Life leaves his eyes gradually, body sinking to the floor softly. She allows herself to her knees with him in her arms, yanking harder as he makes one last effort to break out of her hold.

“I really hope it does”

She repeats in a whisper, releasing the corpse with a small grunt of pain. Her eyes flick towards the moaning mess that is the remaining man.

“Keys”

She outstretches her hands and in that moment Natasha is sure, if it weren’t her actions that convinced the pathetic mess of man than it surely was the air of finality, tinted with an unspoken threat, that accompanied the one word order, that did. He scrambles to his feet, reaches for his fallen comrade’s coat and pulls out the keys, handing them over with trembling hands. The gratitude comes in form of a punch to the neck. She spares his life.

“Are you alright?”

The question is unnecessary, both know, yet Natasha answers anyway.

“Yes”

She knows the ulterior though behind the simple inquiry. And briefly she muses that it should be her asking [Y/N] that. Such thoughts are cut short however as she is freed from her cuffs, carefully standing and stretching while the [H/C] gets a hold of two scalpels that lay forgotten on the table in the far corner of the room.

“Let’s go”

She earns a nod in return, the red head walking towards the door with narrowed eyes. She opens the door and follows the female outside, surprised to see the attached room deserted and the from them taken gear on the table right in the middle of it.

“This is either bloody convenient or a trap”

[Y/N] voices the obvious with a grunt, stepping closer.

“Let’s find out”

They don’t get to however, an alarm startling them and howling throughout the base. Both hurry to the table, grasping guns and some essentials before hurrying towards the door on the far end of the room. They are met with resistance, Agents appearing from doors that both could have sworn weren’t there before. They are outnumbered, but both would be damned if they gave up now. So they fight. And for a while the odds seem to be in their favor, Agents retreating to wherever they came from, leaving them a moment to catch their breath. Only that Natasha’s comes out painfully gurgled and shaky. The [H/C] turns, regarding her form with well-hidden worry and confusion. Nothing seems to be wrong with her, so [Y/N] takes a step forward and narrows her eyes. The answer comes to her in a bitter flash of epiphany, when the red head slumps against the wall. She has been shot.

“Where?”

She rasps, kneeling in front of her, eyes skimming over her body. And for a moment she curses the black clothes for concealing the wound. Natasha doesn’t answer, merely raises her right hand to cover her abandonment, hissing in pain. Has she been- No. [Y/N] dreads the possibility, yet the amount of blood that gushes out of her wound is horrifyingly close to what she would consider appropriate for a shot wound there.

“Let me see”

She orders, voice dropping low and becoming strangely comforting as she removes the red head’s hand from her blood-soaked abandonment. It looks worse uncovered and the amount of blood is enough to make HER nauseous. Quickly shaking those thoughts aside, she reaches for the pouch, she’s insisted on taking from the table, and digs into it, retrieving a small tube from within.

“That’s morphine”

She states, raising the tube for Natasha to see before slowly taking it back down and removing the cap, showing a needle beneath.

“It will help”

She continues, injecting her with it and throwing it away once again.

“It has to”

Her eyes drop to her hands, covered in blood and trembling and she curses, reaching for her pouch again and pulling out a piece of white cloth.

“Put pressure on the wound”

She presses the cloth to Natasha’s abandonment, waiting for her to do as told before she scrambles to her feet and digs into the chest pockets of her jacket. She manages to pull out a phone, her phone, Natasha idly notices as she watches her dial numbers in a haste.

“Barton!”

She practically barks, pressing the phone between her shoulder and ear and kneeling to the red head’s level to pick her up.

“Barton, we need an extraction team! Romanoff has been shot, she’s losing blood bloody fast!”

Her voice contains drops of urgency, not nearly enough to paint her as panicked, yet more than enough to convince them that she doesn’t have everything under control like her barely changing facial expression would have implied.

“Where are you?”

Natasha faintly manages to make out Clint’s voice at the other end of the line, he sounds worried, angry too and briefly she wonders why he would be.

“I have no idea, they moved us”

They round a corner and [Y/N] is swift to takes the stairs even with Natasha in her arms.

“I can’t activate the beacon, Barton. It’s gone.”

She slams her shoulder against the door and nearly stumbles when she’s met with the cold night air and snow.

Snow?

She freezes for a while, whips her head around a couple of times and continues on, setting into a hasty jog for the thicket of trees.

“Just trace the phone signal!”

Gunshots follow and she ducks, slamming her back against a nearby tree.

“We’ll be heading south!”

With that she hangs up, reloading her gun with Clint’s reassuring ‘Just hold on, I’m coming for you’ still ringing loud in her ears.

The last thing Natasha sees are [Y/N]’s eyes.


She awakes to the steady crunching from the snow beneath, squinting her eyes shortly after opening them at the sheer brightness of her surroundings. She’s resting on [Y/N]’s back, her arms draped over her neck, while she in return is holding onto her legs.

“Where are we going?”

Her raspy voice startles the female into halting for but a second, and even though the action is subtle it is also enough to tell Natasha that she has been out for long enough for her sudden state of consciousness to serve as a surprise.

“No bloody idea”

The woman grunts slightly and shifts, repositioning the red head ever so slightly. Had she been able to see her face then, she would have seen her face set into a grimace of pain.

“Away from them”

She adds after some time and Natasha nods, resting her cheek on the [H/C]’s shoulder when her eyelids begin to drop once more. Vaguely she notices the trail of blood that they’re leaving behind, shifting slightly and realizing with somewhat of a jolt that it is not her blood anymore.

“Stop squirming, will you?”

She wills her green eyes to look over [Y/N]’s shoulder, mouth opening and closing a couple of times as if to say something. She doesn’t find the right words and settles back into her original position, tightening her hold around the female’s neck insignificantly.

“It’s just a flesh wound. I’ll survive”

Is the last thing that reaches her ears before she blacks out again.


The next time Natasha awakes, she is lying on some sort of sofa, covered by the [H/C]’s slightly tattered jacket. The sound of fire crackling fills the air and if she turns her head to the left and focuses hard enough she can see the flames licking at the wood, turning it into a dark charcoal.

“Where-”

She manages to croak out before erupting in a coughing fit.

“Somewhere”

[Y/N]’s voice is calm, steam escaping from past her lips as she kneels next to the red head. Dried blood is coating her skin, the once fresh bruises now a nasty blackish blue.

“Drink”

She reaches for a flask and helps the red head into a sitting position, watching her cringe and moan in pain. Carefully she presses the flask to the assassin’s lips, who merely grimaces and reaches for it to hold it herself. The strong smell of whiskey assaults her and for a moment she contemplates on not drinking the, what she is sure is, hard liquor. She does however, blinking in surprise when she is met with lukewarm water instead, green eyes meeting a pair of sparkling [E/C] ones.

“Don’t tell me you really thought I’d give you whiskey.”

She chuckles airily and stands, reaching for a thick stick that stood leaning against the sofa previously disregarded.

“How long was I out?”

She watches [Y/N] lean on it, biting her lip in an obvious display of pain.

“Two days”

Is all she says before making her way over to the fire, she limped heavily as she moved and the red head couldn’t help but frown.

“It’s a miracle that they haven’t found us yet”

She adds and kneels back down, outstretching her hands towards the fire.

“Then again with the storm outside, it’s no real surprise.”

Once again [Y/N]’s voice is the last thing Natasha registers before she loses consciousness once again.


It’s some time later- minutes, hours she’s not sure- when the tranquil darkness is replaced by an unbearable pain and the suffocating silence by [Y/N]’s reassuring voice.

“Hold on, Romanoff. The morphine will kick in any minute now.”

She forces her eyes open and wills herself to focus on the female’s face. It’s hardly illuminated by the light the fire provides, yet undoubtedly beautiful and effortlessly seductive. Even in her state of mind, she has little to no trouble in tracing the outlines of [Y/N]’s lips, labeling them as perfectly kissable and soft-looking. Her eyes are next. Piercing and stunning, drawing her into their endless depths when the [H/C] finally looks up to meet her own green pair. When [Y/N] breaks the contact, she is left regarding her face as a whole, idly noticing the two prominent scars there. One just above her left brow, deep and uneven and yet somehow still lovely adding to the masterpiece that is the woman’s visage. The second slightly cutting into her lips, slowly fading and small yet in spite of that still visible and strangely enough entirely alluring to the red head.

“Take a picture, Romanoff, it will last longer.”

Her soft chuckle breaks her trance, green eyes snapping back to meet hers. Pain seemingly forgotten for now.

“Maybe I will”

She regains some of her wit and [Y/N] chuckles yet again, brushing a hand through her hair.

“Maybe you should”

She reaches for the flask and hands it to Natasha, who takes it wordlessly and gulps down the lukewarm liquid.

“because gawking at subordinates surely will be frowned upon back at SHIELD.”

The red head chokes and coughs, leaning forward and allowing herself to send the female a playful glare. The small mischievous smirk on her face brightens in return and she laughs, softly and genuinely and Natasha has trouble naming a sound more beautiful than that.

“I’m just kidding”

She states after her laughter subsides, lips still stretched into a smile that the assassin has trouble not mirroring.

“I bet they won’t even care to begin with.”

She joins her on the laughter with a chuckle of her own, eyes slipping closed when the morphine begins to kick in, while [Y/N] takes it as her cue to stand to her feet once more. The soothing warmth of her fingertips against her cheek, as she brushes a strand of hair back behind her ear, is the last thing Natasha makes out before she falls into a long, dreamless sleep.


The clicking of a gun and a hiss of discomfort are the first things she hears when she awakes once again, eyes flying open and flitting across the dimly illuminated room in alarm. She catches the outlines of [Y/N]’s figure as she disappears behind a door and manages to make out the click of said as the [H/C] closes it. Her footsteps grow steadily quieter before she is left alone in a sea of suffocating silence. Her fingertips grasp at something cool just above her hip and when she clasps her hand around it, she recognizes it to be a gun. Why would she need one now? Her thoughts are a mess of foggy imagines and sounds, so when years of training kick in and she takes the safety off, all she can think of is the blindingly beautiful face of one [Y/N] [L/N].

“Nat? [Y/N]?”

The voice conveys insecurity and alertness, and for a split second the female freezes in place. Could it-

“Over here!”

Her own voice breaks as the adrenaline leaves her system in a rush that is all too familiar, body losing the strength it had gathered for a battle that she now is sure won’t ensue. The footsteps grow louder and in what appears to be less than a minute two blonds are by her side, eyes filled with worry.

“[Y/N]? Are you alright? Where’s Nat?”

The questions barely register in her mind as she slumps against the wall, yet she manages to point towards the door she just closed. Steve rushes towards said, while Clint takes it upon himself to pick her up and cradle her in his arms.

“You’re safe now, kid.”

His comforting words turn into white noise, her eyes glazing over and closing slowly as he walks towards the exit. It’s over. They’re safe. The words that she wanted to hear for so long are as sweet and warm as she pictured they’d be, and are more than simply enough to make her fall unconscious with a relieved smile on her face.


Natasha is first to wake up once more, yet unlike the countless times before that, she isn’t met with [Y/N]’s face or voice. Instead white walls and the obnoxious beeping of the heart monitor greet her. It takes her a while to get rid of the annoying voice in the back of her head, telling her that she’d rather be in pain and cold with [Y/N] by her side- smiling at her- than here, safe and sound, without her. It takes her even longer to focus on Bruce after he enters and chats her up, asking her questions she doesn’t care enough to listen to.

“Where’s ​ [Y/N]?”

She disregards whatever he’s been saying for god-knows-how-long and he smiles, motioning to the door.

“Outside, waiting for you to wake up.”

She nods at that, mood lightening considerably. Something that Bruce didn’t fail to register.

“Want me to call her in?”

The question is met with a curt 'Yes’ and one would have to be an utter fool to miss the excitement and anticipation in the red head’s eyes. He does as told and leaves, closing the door behind him softly. It opens again a few minutes later and Natasha is met with a mop of messy [H/C] hair and a sleepy [Y/N], whose forehead is wrapped in bandages, while the rest of her face is covered in plasters.

“Morning’ ”

She greets her with a small wave and pulls a chair up to take a seat at Natasha’s bedside.

“Morning to you too. Sleep well?”

The female chuckles at that and shakes her head, carefully leaning back into the chair. Natasha manages to catch a glimpse at the bandages that wrap themselves around what appears to be her entire chest, glancing down to find the woman’s hands too covered in white wrappings up to her knuckles.

“Yeah, not enough though”

A yawn escapes her as if to prove a point and before Natasha can think twice about it, she’s yawning too. It draws a small chuckle from [Y/N], whose eyes are now skimming over the red head’s body just like Natasha’s had been moments before.

“It is inappropriate to check out superiors, while they’re yawning.”

The female merely raises a brow in return, looking around the room.

“Pardon my question, but where is that superior that thou speak of?”

Her eyes shine with mischief and before Natasha can throw a witty remark, she has reached into her hoodie to retrieve a card. The red head takes it and narrows her eyes, reading out loud.

“[Y/N] [L/N], Avenger. Clearance level 7.”

She turns her head slow enough to let the woman know that she isn’t supposed to take whatever remark is thrown her way next seriously, yet when her green eyes meet their stunning counterparts her words catch in her throat. It doesn’t take much to acknowledge the fact that, even while bandaged up from head to toe, [Y/N] is breathtakingly beautiful.

“Like what you’re seeing?”

The teasing inquiry startles her out of her thoughts long enough to come up with a reply, lips turning upwards into a smirk of her own.

“About that picture-”

She trails off playfully and [Y/N] is left laughing once more, leaning her head back slightly as her shoulders shake lightly.

“How about you take one after I’m all patched up, eh? I’m sure I’ll look better then.”

She agrees with a nod, briefly surprised by the honesty and lightheartedness of the offer. Bruce enters the scene with an apologetic smile, scratching the back of his neck somehow awkwardly.

“Miss Hill wanted to see you about-”

He pauses, looks at the red head hesitantly and continues.

“you-know-who.”

[Y/N] stands to her feet in understanding and for a moment Natasha notices that she is no longer limping as heavily as before.

“You-know-who have names, Banner.”

She states casually enough for him not to take her curt reply as an insult. She sends Natasha a small apology over her shoulder and offers her a small two-fingered salute as she leaves, closing the door softly behind her.

“Who?”

Bruce merely shakes his head, taking a seat by her side as [Y/N] had moments before.

“The Castillo twins.”

He answers and watches her eyes harden. To say she looks mad would be a grand understatement.

“They had not only left the two of you behind, but also shot the pilot when he refused to go without you.”

He explains and gently brushes a hand through his hair.

“They said you had been killed. We went back for your bodies, but found nothing. And without the beacons we didn’t even know where to search.”

She nods in understanding, suddenly reminded of how angry Clint had sounded when [Y/N] managed to contact him. As if reading her mind, Bruce continues.

“When [Y/N] got a hold of Clint a couple of days back we locked them into a cell opposite Loki’s, just so he could mess with them while we retrieved you. The base was as good as abandoned when we arrived, so we were left wandering the woods, heading south, just like [Y/N] said.”

He smiles slightly and scratches at his neck.

“We found you in a partially destroyed orphanage”

He turns to the sound of footsteps and smiles brighter.

“I decided to leave the twins at your mercy. Whatever happens to them will be your call to make, hell knows those motherfuckers deserve it.”

Fury opens the door, stepping inside with Clint, Tony and Steve in tow.

“The best part is”

Tony chirps all to gleefully

“their fate is an 'accident’ or 'unfortunate mission’ no matter what you do to them!”

He makes air quotes with his fingers and grins, while Clint and the ever so righteous Steve don’t even bother hiding their satisfied smirks at that statement.

“Thank you”

They nod, offering her smiles in return.


Natasha is released three days after that, still rehabilitating, but out of the terrible hospital ward at least. She’s positively surprised when she discovers that Tony had given [Y/N] the floor directly above hers, even more so when she bumps into her in the elevator.

“Out already?”

She smirks at the [H/C]. The bandages covering her forehead are gone, so are some of the plasters, but aside from that her face is the same as it had been the day she visited.

“You sound surprised.”

She states and watches her type in the security code before pressing the button of the floor she wants to be taken to.

“I am”

She regards the red head with a smirk of her own, arching a brow in an unspoken challenge.

“I thought you'd​ give me more time to doll up.”

Natasha chuckles at that, watching the numbers sink with her green eyes.

“No such luck, it seems”

The doors slide upon and both are met with the lobby, a guard waving a hand at them in a friendly greeting.

“Where are you going?”

She follows the woman outside, catching her small smirk as she rounds the corner.

“A café.”

[Y/N]’s reply is as nonchalant as her smirk is innocent when she reaches out to pull Natasha’s hoodie over her head.

“Why the sudden interest in my personal life?”

Her British accent thickens as she regards the red head from behind half lidded eyes, dragging her tongue over her lips seemingly absently. It does wonders though, Natasha’s cheeks growing warmer as she avoids her eyes to the ground for a moment to steady her heart.

“Who says I’m interested?”

She watches her throw a hand over her chest in mock hurt, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“You hurt my feelings, Romanoff.”

“Nat”

She raises a brow, turning to look at her from over her shoulder.

“You can call me Nat if you want to.”

Natasha clarifies, watching her eyes soften slightly.

“Thanks, Nat.”

She reaches for the door handle of the café shop and holds it open, offering the red head a teasing bow.

“After you”

Natasha plays along, thanking her with a small bow of her own.

“Thank you”

They reach the counter with a small chuckle, ordering and paying before taking a seat in the far-off corner.

“Thank you”

Natasha repeats quieter, all traces of a smile gone. She’s serious, her eyes convey so much and for a moment [Y/N] is confused, titling her head to visualize said confusion.

“What for?”

The barista brings them their drinks with a friendly smile and leaves, offering the duo some privacy.

“For saving my life. I would have bled out, had you not been there.”

She sighs and avoids her gaze to the polished table between them.

“And even if I didn’t, there aren’t many people who would drag me along. You did though, even though I was nothing but a liability to you.”

A small chuckle forces her to look up, eyes meeting the bemused pair opposite her.

“Don’t mention it, Nat. You would have done the same for me.”

“But-”

She raises a hand to silence her and smiles just a tiny bit brighter.

“Enjoy your coffee, it tastes best when it isn’t as frozen as your-”

She stops herself and turns her attention to the counter once again, eyes sparkling with childlike curiosity as the barista brings a plate of cookies over to their table.

“They’re on the house.”

She states with a giggle and leaves, sending [Y/N] a small wink as she does so.

The Agent doesn’t seem to care enough to react to it and averts her eyes to the cookies and coffee in front of her instead. Natasha follows the example, upholding the small banter in between bites and sips. It is after a particularly​ witty comeback that [Y/N] nearly chokes on her coffee, setting the drink down with a chuckle. Foam is resting on the tip of her nose and her cheeks have gained an adorable red tint to them as she leans back slightly with a hand in her hair, to keep unwanted strands out of her face. A small click gains her attention and before she can question the sound, Natasha’s phone lands in her line of sight. Camera pointed at her.

“Turned out good?”

“Perfect”

It did, the rays of sunlight hit her face just right as the sun began to set behind the horizon. It bathed her face in a reddish glow, reflecting in her hair and sparkling in the coffee foam on the tip of her nose. It captured her effortless beauty perfectly and if somebody were to ask what her favorite picture ever was, she’d easily state it was this one.

Because, truthfully, the easiest thing for Natalia Alianova Romanova was falling in love with [Y/N] [L/N] and her mesmerizing beauty.