just a brag

I’ve had this idea in my head for a while, but since House of House would occasionally do a self-parody of a familiar Disney tune, I was thinking for a hypothetical revival, Bill Cipher would show up and try to convince the rest of the Disney villains why he should lead them with a parody of “(Never Had A) Friend Like Me” from Aladdin, but it’s called “(Never Been A) Fiend Like Me”, which is basically just Bill bragging about how great and evil he is, while showing off his powers.

Just a random thought, but I found it amusing.

Omg remember my Victor and Yuuri communicate in English theory?

Well, slap my ass and call me daddy because it was just confirmed in the new Pash magazine:

Q: What language does Yuuri speak with others?

A: Yuuri and Victor communicate in English. Yuuri used to train in Detroit so his English is really good. Isn’t that really cool? (lol)

Brb, freaking out because for once I WAS CORRECT OMFG.

(Pic source)

8

when i was younger, my mom used to just listen to her friends bragging about their sons. she just listened to them without saying anything. so i thought i want to make my mom be proud of her son, too. and today i made my parents proud thanks to you. i want to tell my family that i’m very thankful. I love you, mom and dad! I love you too army 

happy birthday to the hard working kim seokjin that wanted to make his parents proud and im sure they’re really proud of him, we all are. you worked hard kim seokjin and deserve nothing but good in your life. i know i joke about this but i really mean it when i say that i would rob all the stars from the sky if it meant you would always be surrounded by love and happiness and never once doubt the light in your heart thank you for your existence. happy birthday, i love you

shit grad students say, pt. 1

“i need to sleep 38 minutes ago”

“do i get a gold star on my diploma if i’m the first one to submit my thesis?””

prof: why did you choose to do a masters degree?
student: i’m going to be completely honest, i’m just here for the bragging rights

“i didn’t know you could use microsoft excel to do calculations! i did 138 standard deviations BY HAND!”

“i pulled an all nighter and i don’t even have anything to show for it”

“pho is like vietnamese gatorade. eat a bowl before you go out drinking, you’ll never get a hangover.”

“spanish is my default language. i went to china and i KNOW they don’t speak spanish there but every time i met someone i was like ‘HOLA’”

“i can’t tell if i actually have free time or if i’m just neglecting my responsibilities”

“i was so stressed out last spring that i bought a fish tank”

“sometimes i just need days where all i do is watch shitty mtv shows and look at my fish”

“man, you have to BUDGET your all nighters”

“i was grading lab reports last night and i accidentally spilled wine all over them so now my students know they’ve pushed me to drinking”

“i’m trying to see if there’s a correlation between the number of hours grad students sleep and the number of coffees they drink in a day”

“one of my profs wrote a book about hockey and they misquoted him on tv and now he’s internationally known for saying that all hockey players are homosexual”

“why do i come here? why did i make this my life goal?”

prof: we’re going to get started as soon as everyone’s quiet
student: guys if we keep talking we don’t have to start!

10

How about this? I will PK with the four of you. If I win all four battles, would that prove that I am Lu Wei Wei Wei?

Wei Wei calmly sitting there, calling “Next” as she absolutely slays the Xiao Yu clan and Zhen Shui is my aesthetics. Who are you? is the best line in this entire show. Also, I love the fact that normally she’s totally chill, but touch her friends and you’re in trouble.    [x]

On The Importance Of Cunnilingus

We were discussing how Finn probably didn’t go down on Raven or Clarke and well, then things spiraled.  Set at some point during season one.  For the salt cellar. 

Bellamy was working on repairing a section of the wall when he overheard two of the delinquents snickering.  He set down the makeshift hammer and listens, because teenage criminals laughing is now something that makes him a little anxious.  It’s not much, just idiot kids bragging about sex, but when he heard the first boy laughing about getting his dick sucked and walking away, Bellamy decided he needed to do something about it.

That night, he cornered the two he overheard a short distance from the fire.  “I hear you’re enjoying your freedom,” he said as intimidatingly as possible.  They exchanged worried looks, and Bellamy arched an eyebrow.  “But before anything else happens in my camp, I think we need to talk about how you’re treating Ursula.”  (He’d asked Miller for the latest gossip as surreptitiously as he could before starting this, and according to him, Isaac— the blond, skinny one— was mostly hooking up with Ursula.  The other one— who had encouraged him in laughing about hitting it and quitting it— had several sticks in the fire, but had been thus far unsuccessful.  Probably for good reason.)

Isaac looked relieved.  “She’s into it, I swear,” he said, and his friend (Martin, Miller said) nodded rapidly.

“It’s not about that.  It’s about being a good partner,” Bellamy said, and he heard a dry snort that could only belong to Miller from his side.  “You have something to add?” he asked his friend.

“Probably not, if it’s about sex with women.  But I’m still gonna listen,” he said, and sat down next to Martin and Isaac with an expression of faux-interest.

Bellamy rolled his eyes.  “Look, I get it,” he started, and Martin and Isaac exchange a look.  “We’re— we’re a lot freer here, and you might not have been able to…be with someone so easily on the Ark.”  He couldn’t condemn them for it— he’d certainly had his fun the first few days— but he’d realized something from being with Raven.  She’d initially tried to wave him off when he kissed her hipbone, and it was only after a quick conversation that she’d agreed.

And then, the second his tongue touched her clit and her fingers started tugging on his hair and he realized that Finn, in all likelihood, was one of those guys.  The guys who, for whatever reason, felt that their pleasure was most important.  A lot of times it was based on ignorance, or shyness, or even just a mistaken belief that for men, sex had to involve an orgasm and for women, it didn’t.

And Bellamy was not about to let that continue.  Not in his camp.  “But if you’re going to expect oral sex from someone, you have to be willing to give it in return,” he said, and Isaac’s eyes got wide.  “So first up, communication.”

“Wait, you’re going to give lessons?” Miller asked gleefully.

“We’re going to talk about communication,” he growled, but already Miller’s laughter was drawing over a few more curious ears.  Fine then— they’d all learn the importance of reciprocal oral sex and the female orgasm.  “Any time you’re entering into a sexual relationship, you have to be able to ask your partner what they want.  This goes for men or women, by the way.”

“I’d like some tips, actually, if that’s on the table, ” a guy named Sterling said as he took a seat next to Miller.

“That’s not what I’m doing.  Now, it’s important to ask what they’re comfortable with, but it is also equally important that you be an enthusiastic partner.  You can all have your own limits, but I personally think that if it’s something you want to be done to you, you should also be willing to do it for your partner.  There’s always exceptions, but—”

“– this is the worst sex lesson I’ve ever heard,” Clarke interrupted.  “And why the hell are you doing this?”

Bellamy glanced at her and took in her amused grin and the way the firelight played in her hair.  He wanted to say  I’m doing this because I know there’s no chance in hell Finn went down on you, but for one thing, that’s not something you say to your co-leader.  And for another thing, the thought of Clarke splayed out across his furs, his head between her thighs, suddenly made it hard to breathe, much less think.  “Because I think there needs to be a little more equality in the orgasms around here,” he said, and Clarke laughed.

“We’re talking cunnilingus, right?” she asked cheerfully, and at the shocked gasps from the now-crowd huddling around them she grinned.  “Okay, who knows where the clitoris is?” she asked, and  Miller had never looked more entertained.

Bellamy leaned his lips down to near her ear.  “I was planning on doing more like, general consent and enthusiasm,” he whispered.

“And that is both boring and not super helpful,” she said.  “Well, that’s not entirely true.  But Pike did drill us all pretty thoroughly on consent, right?” Clarke directed the last bit at the group, and Bellamy was met with a chorus of yes means yes and giggles.  “Right.  So, your partner has given you an enthusiastic yes.  Now, the clit.  Who can tell me where that is?”

What followed were some of the most painful minutes of Bellamy’s life, because it was Clarke and she was talking about cunnilingus and damn, not only did she know what she was talking about, she was hot and pretty and smart and funny and he would do anything to spend the rest of the night with his face buried between her legs.  But she was with Finn— or at least that mess wasn’t completely over— so he had to let that go.  

Clarke was now discussing when to add digital penetration while licking a clit, and he decided to jump back in.  “Not everyone likes that,” he countered, and Clarke raised an eyebrow.  “I’m just saying, your partner can tell you what they want.  And if you’re the person receiving, don’t be afraid to speak up.”

“So you’re saying you like them talkative?” she teased, and there was another chorus of giggles.

I’m saying I want to hear you beg for it, he wanted to say.  “I’m just emphasizing the importance of communication on both sides,” he said instead, and maybe it was a trick of the firelight, but he could have sworn that Clarke’s eyes darkened for a second, like she knew what he was thinking.

“Man, this is the weirdest foreplay I’ve ever witnessed,” Miller muttered under his breath, and Bellamy wanted to kick him in the shins.

Clarke clucked her tongue and turned back to the crowd, and Bellamy allowed himself a small smile.

Because whatever this was between them— it wasn’t over.  Not by a long shot.

I can imagine the wasteland would be dark. And I mean REALLY dark. No light pollution, no towns, a vast empty expanse long beyond the point where campfires and torchlights would flicker. The most you’d get on moonless nights is the silhouette of broken cliffs and hills rising against the greyed backdrop of stars.
And in this black emptiness of night, you hear something moving nearby.
Against your better knowledge, you turn on your Pip-boy light, a light that lets you see but flashes your presence up like a flare.
But that’s now the least of your worries.

The Problem with being a Fan
  • Mom: *in our family group to her sisters* during sherlock weeks it's really hard to keep up with Zahra I'm glad sherlock is just three episodes.
  • Them: why? 😂😂😂😂
  • Mom: because she just won't stop bragging about how genius that show is to every living thing near her and nobody knows what she's talking about cause nobody watched it.
  • Me: I'm right here mom!
  • My Sister: all I know is that she thinks Sherlock Holmes is gay 😂😂😂
  • Them: 😂😂😂😂
  • Me: yup still here btw, Hello!
  • Mom: *to my sister* you should've seen her crying till the end of this week's episode 😂😂😂
  • Niece: OMG she's completely obsessed I can't understand how she made a tv show such big deal?
  • My Sister: nobody does! I tried watching the show with my husband and he said this guy is as mad as your sis no wonder why she likes him.
  • Aunt: She NEVER CRIES!
  • Mom: You guys won't believe it, she turned the volume up and Sherlock is screaming "STOP LAUGHING AT ME" OMG
  • Me: well i'm a high-functioning sociopath who's obsessed with things that sound clever and it seems like these walls have higher IQ then anyone near me so I'm talking to them now bye.
  • *Leaves the group chat*
4

That time when C137 got the postcard from Miami Rick

Stan & Rick spent the day being salty old men together.

you know, I whine a lot about my writing insecurities but if you had told me in 2008 that in less than 10 years I would have two fics with over 100 bookmarks on AO3 - one of those on its way to 1000 - 

I probably would’ve flipped my shit

I feel like the fact that I am now actually a somewhat “popular” writer snuck up on me because it happened so slowly so it feels like I just woke up one day and whoops 

so anyway, thanks y’all.  ♥ ♥