I’m literally working so hard to not be a fuck up. (honestly ask anyone I know in real life) and yET HERE I AM, being a fuck up and making my life miserable. I’m trying!!! I’m putting in the effort!!!! I just need the universe to get on my side!!!
Nico: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Reyna does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?
Coach Hedge: If Reyna were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Reyna jump off a cliff, by all means. Jump off a cliff.
So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything that Billy does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?
If Billy were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Billy jump off a cliff, by all means. Jump off a cliff.
somedays, i will implode on myself. i will quietly shut down, no tears, no shouts, no alarms. i will be too cold, too distant—untouchable and unreachable. don’t panic. somedays, i will implode on myself. it won’t be your fault. let me recover, softly and slowly. hold me when i remember how to feel again.
somedays, i will be reckless. i will be wild and unstoppable. i will jump off cliffs and taste like cigarettes and smell like booze. i will forget you and i will forget me and i will smile. i will smile, until it hurts and i will cry because it won’t be enough. somedays, i will be reckless. it won’t be your fault. wait until i am sober before you berate me, but know that it won’t be the last time.
somedays, i will explode on you. suddenly, suddenly and all at once, i will yell and rage and hate. i will tear you apart with my words and i will not stop, even when you cry. know that i am sorry. it won’t be your fault. i could never hate you. all those words are meant for me, not you. let me remind you that you are too good for me. somedays, i will explode on you. let me apologize.
somedays, i will be gentle. i will take you to museums and coffee shops and the world will feel bright and whole. i will make eggs and toast and dance in the kitchen with you. i will tell you about my favorite memories and you will think this is, this is how it is meant to be. it will end. it won’t be your fault. somedays, i will be gentle. remember that i am not always whole, remember the good comes with the bad.
most days, i will be hard to love. it won’t be your fault. i will not blame you when you leave.
The Time I Pushed a Jerkface off a 35ft Cliff(With Good Reason)
Before we start off let me be clear. I did not murder a man by randomly shoving him off a cliff. Technically, I actually had permission, but still not murder. Chill.
Here we go.
So this is back in Mexico, at the same park as the Sting Ray Incident, just an hour later. Id already recovered from my near death experience and moved on from my friend nearly drowning me. I faced it, i survived, im good and not concerned.
One of the many attractions at this park was the Cliff of Courage. It’s a 35ft cliff that plunges into the water. Now, by my standards, 35ft is low for a cliff jump. Ive done way higher (adrenaline junkie) but obviously i was gonna jump just to say that I did. My parents, grandparents, and Jamie didnt want to jump. No surprise, so they went ahead to meet me on the other side of the river.
So sixteen year old me wanders over and there’s this big group of burly looking men.
They’re all standing at the edge jostling each other around. And just by looking at them you can see they’re american. I dont even need to hear their texan accents to know.
So they’re pulling the whole macho act of “you jump i jump” “ohhh but then you wont jump” bs and just generally being chickens and not willing to show it.
And because of this they wont let anyone else jump. Like ten people came and left because these jerks wouldnt let anyone else go.
Eventually i get annoyed and snap “either jump or get out of my way!”
And the dude who is obviously the leader just turns and grins at me.
He assumed what i call the “douchebag alpha male pose” hands on hips, crotch foreward, you know the one, and you know the body language that goes with it.
He thinks he’s superior. Now this guy is the biggest of them all.
Massive biceps, raging six pack, the works. The Hulk would probaby do a double take at this dudes size.
And little me is not intimidated in the least.
I learned to fight at a very young age, especially men larger than me. I know if things turns south i can take him no problem. A few hits here and there and he’s out for the count.
He starts walking towards me, and i step forward too. He may be alpha male, but he just crossed an Alpha Female who doesnt back down from a challenge.
He looks over at his pals and says,
“Ohhhh, the little lady’s going to jump, is she?” And he just sneers down at me, all arrogance and misplaced confidence.
“Tell you what, sweetheart.” Ohhh he did not just say that. “You jump, we’ll let you push us.”
Three strikes he’s out he just made the biggest mistake of his life.
I just grin and go “ok” and turn and immediately dive over the edge. Im soaring through the air, enjoying the fall. I turn just in time to see his face go from 😏 to 😧
I smack down into the water grinning. Originally the plan was the swim across the river and meet up with my family, but i am cashing in this bet. Except there’s only one way to get back up to that cliff from here
I scale the side of the cliff with the rope and I can hear them chatting nervously up top
I pop up over the edge and prop myself up on the ledge with the sweetest, most steel-lined smile I can manage and say, “who’s next?”
So Alpha laughs and stands at the edge as I haul myself up. He’s laughing and assuring his buddies he’ll be back in a second cause I wont really do it and–
I straight arm him and he goes flying
He flails and plunges over the edge, shrieking in the most high pitched, terrified shriek Ive ever heard a dude bro make. He sputters to the surface and gapes up at me as I grin like a hellion down at him. I turn to the rest of his jerk buddies and smile.
“Best feeling ever!” “Really? Try tickling your pickle for the first time”
New kid on the block Ben listening to New Kids on the Block (And making references to their songs and hanging up a poster that he tries to hide)
Bill trying to come up with a lie to Eddie’s mom about where they’re going and he goes “I got a new uhhhhh” and then Richie jumps in “A new croquet set!"
Eddie going to kiss his mom goodbye and Richie going "Do you want one from me too Mrs. K?” as Eddie pushes him out the door
Pennywise calling Ben “Egg boy”
When they found Betty Ripson’s shoe in the sewers and Richie goes “How do you think Betty feels? Running around these tunnels with only one freaking shoe” while hopping up and down with one foot in the air
“It’s in my second fanny pack” “Why do you have two fanny packs?!"
When Eddie is dressing Ben’s cuts from Henry and Richie goes "You have to suck the wound before you apply the bandage, this is 101!” and Eddie just flat out replies “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
“The list is longer than my wang!” “That’s not saying much” Stan freaking roasting Richie
The beautiful aesthetic shot of Bev jumping off the cliff with this soft pretty music playing in the background as Richie screams “WHAT THE FUCK”
Ben asking if they want to see more of his research about the missing kids and the history of Derry and Eddie violently shaking his head
“Derry started as a beaver trapping camp” “Still is AM I RIGHT BOYS?” Richie going for a high five and getting REJECTED
When Richie is put on lookout outside Bev’s apartment and asks “What if her dad comes back?” and Stan is just DONE and goes “Do what you always do: Start talking!"
"Trash the trashmouth!"
"The sink went all Eddie’s mom’s vagina”
When they’re all talking about their experiences with IT and Richie goes “Wait can only virgins see this stuff? Is that why I’m not seeing this shit?"
When the losers saw Mike’s bike and all ran to help immediately and Stan took the extra three seconds to kick his bike stand down
Richie yelling "ROCK WAR” and immediately getting hit in the face
Richie trying to steal and play the horn from the marching band guy in the background during a serious scene
“I saw a leper…… It was like a walking infection”
When Stan brings up the woman that IT transformed into for him and Richie just goes “Is she hot?”
When Bill asked who wants to stay out of Neibolt House to keep watch and everyone raised their hands (“Fuck” -Richie)
“Can’t believe I pulled the short straw. You guys are lucky we’re not measuring dicks"
Pennywise saying "Beep beep Richie” immediately before attacking him
3 doors labeled “Very scary” “Scary” and “Not scary at all” with Bill and Richie looking directly at each other before running to “Not scary at all”
After Eddie broke his arm and Richie went “I’m gonna snap it back into place!” and Eddie just yelled “Do not fucking touch me!”
“Who invited Molly Ringwald?”
When Richie yelled that Ben was leaking Hamburger Helper
“See that guy I’m hitting? I’m pretending it’s you” Richie while playing the arcade game when Bill came to talk to him after their fight
When Eddie went to confront his mom about his meds being placebos “THEY’RE GAZEBOS! THEY’RE BULLSHIT!”
Richie trying to break the bottle against the railing so he has a weapon but then the entire thing just shattered
Pennywise’s weirdass dance
“And now I’m gonna have to kill this fucking clown!” END MY LIFE BEST MOMENT OF THE MOVIE
“WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB, ASSHOLE!” RICHIE RIGHT BEFORE HITTING PENNYWISE WITH THE BASEBALL BAT
“I know what I’m doing for my summer experience essay” Richie right after the final confrontation with IT