jump the shark

I want a Sharkboy and Lavagirl remake where the CGI is insanely good and the acting is super emotional and intriguing, but nothing about the story changes. Sharkboy still has to sing the dream song and mister Electricidad still has to go “YOU ARE IN MY CLASS!!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND”

Can we just talk about Sam in this gif for a minute? That right there is the face of a guy who has wanted a baby brother for a really long time and finally has one. Just look at his face. He’s just pretty much, like, “I’m so proud of my little brother, looking at him shooting accurately.” And Dean in the background is just like, “fuck this shit, I hate everything. Sammy was my brother first, and Dad was our dad before he was yours.” And Adam’s like, “lolz, they think I’m not a ghoul." 

Johnlock chicken, Moriarty chicken

Another thought experiment: understanding what they did with Johnlock by looking at what they did with Moriarty.

The show in S1-2 had two pillars: the chemistry between the two leads, and the delicious danger represented by Moriarty. They decided to kill Moriarty at the end of S2. But what do you do after? My husband believed there was no way he was “really” dead; Sherlock needs a villain, and (never mind canon) Moriarty is that for many people. You notice how the “big bad” in s3 and S4 had to be hyped textually? I don’t ever remember Sherlock resorting to that in S1 or S2. “Show don’t tell,” remember? I think the showrunners were trying to create villains that had Moriarty’s heft, but I think they largely failed. And maybe they knew they were going to fail; so they hedged their bets, and brought back Moriarty; but they didn’t have the courage to bring him back for real, because let’s face it, it would be ridiculous, so they teased us with him. They were trying to get something for nothing: to use the audience’s affection for Moriarty as a lure, getting us to watch the show, without committing to the theater of the absurd that is a dead villain who won’t stay dead.

I think there’s a useful analogy here to what they did with the other pillar. John’s marriage to Mary during Sherlock’s absence really should have killed speculation about Johnlock. I wasn’t in the fandom at the time, but to hear Tumblr fans tell it, the announcement of her arrival before S3 set everyone to wailing and gnashing of teeth. So if the writers wanted to nip the “latent gay romance” story in the bud, they really had the perfect opportunity. But by analogy to what they did with Moriarty: maybe they couldn’t bring themselves to do it. Maybe the evident love between two men was the other pillar of their show, and they knew it; but they were afraid to Go There, for whatever reason; so just as they did with Moriarty, they teased it. We tuned in to the Final Problem looking for a resolution to both questions – whither Moriarty? whither John and Sherlock’s feelings for each other? – and both answers were profoundly disappointing.

This read is less charitable than my last one: this read says the queerbaiting was deliberate and not merely a cost they decided was acceptable. Still thinking it over.

2

You know what I miss?  

Doctor Who. I miss being excited about Doctor Who.  

I miss looking forward to streaming the show every week.  I miss being excited for the Christmas special.  I miss the cliffhangers and the recurring characters and the personalities of the individual doctors.  

I just saw an ad for the new series in September and I literally thought “meh.” 

I remember a time where you’d see nothing but the show on your dash, and all the posts had 10,000+ notes because literally everyone loved it and got excited about it.  

I think the idea of fandom lost traction everywhere around the same time the show started doing plot circles, so people lost interest and it died a slow, agonizing death. 

I didn’t ever think it would get here, but it has, and somewhere it makes me sad.  

So...Adam & Eddy.

This has been growing and growing for a while ever since 4B, but now it’s official.  It’s not just as writers that I have a problem with them…I am absolutely disgusted by them as people too.

Adam Horowitz and especially Edward Kitsis (Adam is delusional, Eddie is more of a willful douchebag) are genuinely sick.  They are sick in the mind, and it’s been reflecting more and more in their writing the more creative freedom they’ve received and the more actual good writers either left or became marginalized in the writers’ room.  Last night’s episode, 6x10, was the culmination of it all, and this asinine interview they gave afterward just reinforced it.

Any land where the Black Fairy, the Dark Fairy, the darkest soul we’ve been teasing for six years, runs can’t be fun.

OK, first of all, “teasing for six years”?  She was only mentioned in 3x11, and never teased again.  For some reason she captured fans’ imagination and they kept badgering you about her, so you finally caved and made her a character rather than part of a one-off plot device. 

Second, are you trying to replicate Peter Pan here?  To have the Black Fairy be the most evil villain on the show to date, one of Rumple’s parents, and used as a catalyst for his second redemption and presumed death?  Because it’s not going to work this time, not when Rumple himself has become a complete monster.  He’s an irredeemable villain and should die as one.

Yeah, I think the path for Rumple and Belle has been rocky, it has been tortuous, but sometimes things bring us together in unexpected ways. I’ve always rooted for those two and I hope for the best.

You are rooting for textbook domestic abuse.  You are hoping that Belle, a victim, will return to her abuser, Rumple.  But you are so batshit insane that you have no idea that this is even what you have portrayed on screen.  You honestly believe Rumple can be forgiven here.

I think you saw Rumple go right up to the line. And when he had the ability to speed up her pregnancy and do one of the worst things possible to Belle, he didn’t do it. He got to the line and he turned back from it, even though Belle doesn’t know that at the end of episode 9. But he did, and I think that was a really important moment and a really telling moment, which is that despite all of his love for power and addiction to magic, there is a deep abiding love for Belle in there as well, and he’s always in conflict because of that. That’s the glimmer of hope that has not died out and is kind of the root of that relationship.

How the FUCK is speeding up her pregnancy “the line” and “one of the worst things possible to do”, as opposed to lying and manipulating her through her wedding vows and beyond, stalking her, committing rape-by-fraud on her TWICE, trapping her somewhere like an object while likening her to one, verbally and emotionally abusing her, plotting to use a magic item on her child once it’s born to force a change against her will, slapping a cuff on her that will always allow him to find her no matter where she tries to hide, and freaking terrorizing her at every opportunity in hopes that she will submit to him?  Rumple has gone WAY over the line!

And nice, you think that just because an abuser could have done something bad but didn’t, that this is grounds for reconciliation between them and their victim.  Never mind that Rumple only didn’t do it because Belle told him that he’ll lose any chance of “having her” if he did. Because this “deep abiding love” he has is NOT for Belle as a person, but for an object for his own gratification. And yet you’re romanticizing it.  This is literally everything the anti-CSers continuously claim Hook’s relationship with Emma is and more. Where’s their outrage now?

It’s the wish realm. It’s the realm that was created by the wish, so it’s an actual place that exists now. The wish has created it, so it’s not an alternate realm in the sense that it’s just imaginary and not real; this place actually now exists and is real.

So, let me get this straight - the place now exists and isn’t imaginary, so all the people there are real, valid lifeforms.  That means Regina Mills murdered this realm’s Snow and Charming, effectively orphaning its Henry, and yet she isn’t going to pay any consequences and is even thanked for it by Emma and rewarded for it with a new Robin Hood.  All while that world’s Henry daring to try to kill Regina is portrayed as “becoming everything Emma didn’t want him to be”, and in Storybrooke, David is portrayed as suffering from “darkness” for daring to try to kill the Evil Queen who is an active threat to his family.  Fuck you, Adam & Eddy.  Fuck. You.

This character that we’re meeting isn’t the same Robin Hood who we know. But because he also is sort of a version of that Robin Hood, it clearly has a deep impact on Regina.

Typical, you cannot afford to give Emma any sort of catharsis or sense of closure by getting to experience a happier life that she could have had, you even have her dismiss it by saying she is defined by the abuse she suffered and that a happier version of her “sucked”, but Regina, she gets this with Robin Hood, she gets everything.  I am having a hard time thinking of a more repulsive Creator’s Pet / Mary Sue character in recent fiction than Regina Mills.

We’ve seen Regina have the ability to love and love other people, but somebody that she really actually needs to explore is herself.

There is literally no-one Regina loves more than herself.  No-one.  She has “explored herself” over and over again, most of her run in this whole series has been all about her whining about herself and how her life sucks and trying to find quick fixes at other peoples’ expense.

In the second half of the season, we are going to be going to Agrabah and we’re going to be picking up that story

Ah, good. I’ll watch that for Oded Fehr’s Jafar’s sake, not for your’s.

In short, I’d have to say that Regina and Rumple, and the overfocus on them and whitewashing of them, ruined this once magical show.  But at length, I’d have to say that Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis, the creators of the show, ruined it.  They are sincerely talented showrunners in every field except as head writers and their moral worldview is one of the most skewed I have ever seen, and these two factors combined with increased creative freedom and the loss of sincerely talented storytellers was a recipe for disaster.  After Season 3, this show has been having a remarkably rapid downhill slide (most of 4A being good is due to Disney’s interference, and most of 5B being good was a lucky fluke come about through a variety of different factors), and Season 6 appears to be the absolute nadir.  

I thought I could stick with this show to the end, but I underestimated A&E’s ability to suck.

I. AM. DONE.