OK guys, this is the last time I will have to warn the TVD fandom about writing in real time! Here it goes: You all know the drill, I write my thoughts in real time which means if I make any mistakes at the beginning of my review, I might have rectified them at the end. This will include: anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Steroline, anti-Bamon, anti-Bonenzo sentiments. It will most likely reference other TV shows including Kdramas and may include observations of the show’s anti-blackness and racism. Are you ready? Let’s. Go.
1. That SC kiss is still awful. Slow-mo it all you want guys, it’s just going to accentuate how awful it was.
2. Kinda salty that the hotel’s wifi isn’t much better than the data on my phone.
3. Seriously, Vicki and Kelly being in hell makes no sense.
4. “The magic was too much for her” HOW THOUGH? Bonnie did way more strenuous magic in freaking season 2. LIKE?
5. “No no no no no”, Stefan is panicking that Bonnie might be dead and Caroline’s just like, Oh. I know we all talk about how Paul has checked out but what the fuck has Candice been doing?
6. So like why is Elena in a random ass wood in a random ass white bed? Is this what Bonnie’s world looks like? Because I thought it was a rundown Mystic Grill.
7. Nina’s wig is AWFUL.
8. How would Elena seeing Bonnie make Elena think Bonnie is dead though? Like, isn’t it just that if Bonnie dies, Elena wakes up? Who said anything about meeting each other in a random ass forest before Bonnie dies?
9. So Elena doesn’t even blink an eye when Bonnie tells her “I can be with Enzo now”? Like she just accepts that her friend is going to die to be with someone who was an enemy when Elena was awake?
10. How does Enzo have the power to bring Bonnie back to life? Is Enzo an angel? LIKE? Rules DO need to exist, Julie.
11. The look of relief on Stefan’s face when Bonnie wakes up is so nice to see.
12. Vicki, stop talking. I also like how no one has tried to tie her up to keep her from ringing the bell. Just because you can’t kill her doesn’t mean you can’t contain her.
13. “I can’t go back there, you don’t know what it’s like” because the show literally hasn’t shown us anything.
14. How predictable is it that the DE reunion is really a DK reunion, oh! Like season 1 when he thought he was kissing Elena! CLEVER. Like 100 anons came into in my inbox like, I bet it’s Katherine, the moment that reunion aired. Well, at least Damon realized it was Katherine this time, you know, after hugging her and being all, “You’re both OK.”
15. It is so tacky they made her say, “Hello brothers.” Like omg, why isn’t it over yet
16. So Katherine is in Elena’s dress. Is Elena just naked somewhere? And she straightened her hair, like how much time did she have to do this?
17. “Her PHYSICAL body” I do miss seeing Paul and Nina onscreen together again, that “so over it” attitude is very reminiscent of season 2 and the delivery was hilarious.
18. Although this Katherine is a little off, she actually seems a little more unhinged, like the way Nina says, “the devil” in that tone and “Why do you think he wanted you? Because I wanted you. DUH.” Like this is probably the first time I’ve been like so you’re crazy.
19. I don’t know why but Stefan is making me laugh so far. Damon is all “Dammit Katherine” and Stefan’s HAD IT, he’s just like YO let me stab this bitch “We gotta find, Elena, let’s go” and he LEAVES. Like he’s ready to go into battle. It also makes me feel like it’s Paul rushing to finish a scene like, “It’s the last episode, Ian, let’s GO.”
20. CAROLINE. VAMP SPEED. Walking down the stairs with a teddybear all chill and shit.
21. This is so low energy, Alaric and Caroline should be yelling at the top of their lungs, like if you want me to believe this is life or death then the characters needs to be amped, they need to be scared and frenzied, this feels like any other fight in any other episode.
22. Alaric, seriously, demote Caroline to Auntie because that’s how she acts with those twins anyway.
23. At least Katherine took the time to dress Elena in a shirt, a cardigan and jeans. It’s very thoughtful of her.
24. Me at Stefan’s face when he sees Elena on the ground:
25. So Katherine’s hair is suddenly curly again? Does she have superpowers?
26. Oh great. The fact that Katherine said Elena would choose Stefan over Damon just confirms that Elena will in fact choose Damon over Stefan. Just had to spit in the SErs’ faces one last time, I guess.
27. Lol watch Katherine actually be Silas getting into everyone’s heads and voicing their deepest fears. Again.
28. I want to feel something about this SC scene but I’m legit bored. “Please, please don’t make me leave you, please,” was sweet. That’s about it.
29. Like I’ve seen Stefan emotionally distraught at having to part ways with Elena:
and I know SErs are upset over the “I love you so much” but it’s not this:
30. It really doesn’t feel like the “world” is coming to an end, everyone is actually pretty chill. Like the season 2 finale of Buffy was the world ending (again) and everyone is freaking the fuck out:
and this is just like, Elena is unconscious, Matt allows Vicki to ring a bell that will bring hellfire and there’s the slowest evacuation in the world. We don’t even see randoms freaking out in the street. Whatever.
31. Of course Bonnie is staying behind.
32. “Downtown Mystic Falls”, I mean I guess. As the crow flies? WHO WROTE THIS. You are NOT in Lord of the Rings.
33. So I’m confused about this plan, Bonnie is going to redirect hell fire through the tunnels away from MF into hell … so these tunnels lead into hell? Bonnie knows where hell is? The fire won’t destroy the tunnels?
34. Aw, Paul is acting! But yeah his speech to Damon is meh because Damon doesn’t deserve shit.
35. Considering that vampire blood can’t work on people who have ingested the cure, why would compulsion?
36. Why would I care about a Donovan family reunion?
37. So Grams is still around even though the Other Side is gone?
38. Bonnie pulled a Gandalf. “You shall not pass.”
39. Sorry, it was supposed to be a powerful scene but like nah.
40. So a bunch of black women who I’m guessing are the Bennett clan are pushing the hell fire away to protect a town that does not acknowledge their existence. Mmkay.
41. “He’s the better man, he’s the right man.” LOL EXCEPT NOT. HOW? Because he was FINALLY willing to sacrifice himself after almost two centuries?
42. He probably whispered something about loving Caroline to Elena.
43. I feel like I’m supposed to be sad that Stefan is dead but like I’ve seen this coming for a while.
44. LOL Magic School/Hogwarts where Jeremy teaches, this is SO BAD.
45. I’m sorry but these “peaces” just look like individual prison worlds.
What an AWFUL series finale, like it was SO BAD. I can’t even, I mean it’s laughably bad but like THIS is how you’re ending a supernatural series? WHAT DID I JUST WATCH? Nothing happened! Stefan sacrifices himself to make sure Katherine’s in hell when the fire comes but he dies when the fire goes through the tunnels so why wouldn’t Katherine just be dead if they kept her tied down in the tunnels when the fire came? And then Caroline and Alaric open a boarding school for magical kids in which Jeremy teaches for absolutely no reason and Klaus is a donor because why not and Vicki finally achieves nothingness except nothingness is peace with Tyler somewhere even though Tyler basically treated her like trash and the Other Side is gone so how they’re still watching the living is beyond me. And then Bonnie travels the world and that somehow makes her happy as if she hadn’t traveled before. Matt got a bench, good for you Matt. And Elena goes to med school and has a happy life with Damon we don’t see and then they die and each of them spend their peace not with each other and it ends. Like … why tho? How does this make sense as ending? I should’ve been drunk for this. Plus side is, Stefan has still only called Elena the love of his life.
As expected, it’s the wonderfully shot and gorgeously choreographed visual poem it’s now thankfully well known to be, but what I was most impressed with, and surprised by, is the film’s sense of timelessness and its ability to fully connect multiple generations with as little as a glance or a smile or a longing between characters, adding additional power and grace to the, again, stunning imagery.
Review | Juniper Lemon’s Happiness Index by Julie Israel
Genre: YA Setting:USA, present day # of Pages:320 Rating: 5/5
The skinny: A teenager copes with grief, difficult friendships, and the maddening mystery of who was writing her sister love letters before she died.
The fat: YA is not really my genre, so let me offer you an interloper’s opinion:Juniper Lemon is a lemony fresh, fantastic read. It’s smart, funny and poignant, and manages to tackle everything from first love to first loss without trivializing the trials of being a teenager. Juniper’s anger and grief and shame are tangible, but Israel manages to give them the gravitas they need without weighing the story down. (My favorite device for walking that tightrope appears in a painful family dinner scene, where Juniper resorts to Monopoly metaphors to make sense of her grieving parents’ belabored communication.) Israel’s wit shines through in Juniper’s narration, which is by turns sarcastic, self-effacing, and so insightful that I stopped more than once and said to myself, “I’ve had exactly that thought.” Though some of the other characters are familiar, they’re never cliché, and some stereotypes are turned refreshingly upside-down; Juniper’s bad-boy-next-door has unexpected soft spots, her nice-boy-next-door unexpected secrets. But where Israel truly excels is in capturing the harrowing everyday drama of high school: throughout the story I found myself blushing with secondhand embarrassment and dreading familiar disasters I could see crouching just around the corners. But there’s sweetness here, too: Israel writes the teenage agony of we-both-know-we’re-going-to-make-out-but-we’re-both-shy-about-it-and-therefore-awkward with such sympathy and tenderness that you can’t help smiling, because it’s all so familiar. But my favorite thing about this whole story is the ending, because it simultaneously defies and satisfies expectations. The little mysteries kept me entranced until the very last page, and Israel ties it all up in the best unexpected way.
You guys know the drill, I write everything in real time so if there’s something I got mistaken it will probably be made up for later on in the post. This will have anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Steroline, anti-Bamon, anti-Bonenzo sentiments and may include mentions of misogynoir and other TV shows. If you do not like, you do not have to read. This was done on my phone so bear with me. You ready? OK. Let’s go.
1. Y’all are so mean. I titled my last review 8x13 review and tonight’s episode was the 13th episode and none of you told me. Petty.
2. The show was smart starting with Kai because I have such a huge ass grin on my face. I swear only Kai could make getting out of hell comedic. “No no, two beers, three burgers” I mean, does the show know that I have a thing for burgers? Like I literally go around my city trying to find the best cheeseburgers and that little tidbit is something I always put on dating profiles if I choose to go on tinder or something so like I’m not saying me and Kai belong together, I’m just saying there are certain compatibilities.
3. Also Matt’s hair in that bell scene was stupid af.
4. Those rings on Kai’s fingers though … omg I missed him.
5. I mean I would freak out if I couldn’t taste food either and probably kill the waiter too. But this just reminds me of The Black Pearl.
6. Alaric is actually pretty calm coming face to face with his fiancee’s murderer.
7. “I think I’m on the waitlist to heaven but they’re not returning my calls” aww, something funny for once.
8. I don’t know why Caroline couldn’t say this to Bonnie face to face? Like why does no one just GO to her. Leave a fucking casserole or basket of muffins on the doorstep, a letter, something.
9. So when a vampire turns human then their compulsion wears off of their victims? I mean I guess.
10. I don’t understand how Bonnie opened a door to hell but she has no magic.
11. OMG. Bonnie on the phone with Damon and Kai in the backseat mouthing “Let me say ‘hi’, let me say ‘hi’!” YAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I mean obviously it’s fanbaiting but I don’t give a shit, that was hilarious and adorable and so very Kai.
12. AND he drew a heart on a fogged up window. If I had access to gifs right now, tho.
13. But seriously, Damon legitimately called Bonnie because he needed something from her. Honestly, that’s like 80% of their relationship. And if I felt like he was lying about Kai so as to not worry her and let her grieve then I’d be like I guess but this just Damon being Damon.
14. Bonnie sensing Kai is awesome.
15. I like how we focus on the fallout of Stefan’s victims but with Damon, we focus on him being Damon and everything Dorian tells Stefan is fair but Damon never gets anyone to tell him that. Whatever.
16. “Better question, why are you still following him?” “DAMON!” LOL, this episode is ACTUALLY funny at times. Who wrote this? “Oh good, you roped Bonnie into this, I was HOPING you would maximize the collateral damage.”
17. I find it ironic that Damon is going after a sexual predator.
18. New to the gift? WHAT?
19. So Bonnie is learning from the devil.
20. Gorgeous close-up of Kat.
21. I just don’t believe BE enough for it to warrant her learning from the devil on how to contact him. Also please note every time I say devil it’s in quotations.
22. Cade is such a petty devil. It’s one soul. You have no other workers?
23. Why can’t Caroline compel Dorian to leave, call an ambulance and get them to where he is?
24. Oh look, it happened.
26. I feel like I should be moved by that SC scene. I mean I guess.
27. Seriously Chris looks really hot.
28. “I hate this already.” Lol Kai.
29. Damon your forgiveness means shit, get the fuck out of here.
30. Lol I love Stefan but this whole Dorian can either lock Stefan up in prison or work on building a better future aren’t mutually exclusive. He can do both.
31. Why are they acting like Caroline hasn’t killed a whole bunch of people? She killed 12 people ina single episode.
32. I actually liked the SC scene in the hospital because Candice actually showed emotion. They’ve become DE where I only believe them when they’re confronting the issues in their relationship.
33. I really can’t get into Bonenzo, like I can’t, I want to feel for them in this scene with the candles and the kissing and the reunion but it’s SO muted.
34. “I missed you girls so much” did you though?
35. That Calaric stare has so much chemistry compared to Steroline.
36. LOL this twin was literally going to set her sister on fire for hurting Caroline. Is it wrong that I find it hilarious?
37. I love it when Damon gets tricked because he always thinks he’s got the upper hand and he NEVER DOES.
This was literally the best episode in two seasons. Because of Kai. And the writers clearly like writing for him because there were actual funny moments this episode and there was energy and a pace and things were more cohesive although the mythology around Bonnie and Cade still doesn’t make sense to me, I think that Stefan’s punishment and his inability to figure out who he is and what to do and meeting his ghosts and pasts was well done but it’s still irksome that Damon never really has to face any of that and Damon’s “let’s get Elena back” is like, I guess, sure, it’s only entertaining because it involves Kai.
Sorry this took so long guys! You know the drill, I write everything in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning it probably will be rectified by the end but I already know what happens this epi, so, lol. This will contain anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Bamon, anti-Steroline, anti-Bonenzo sentiments. There will most likely be mentions of other shows and of the misogynoir and anti-blackness and racism in this narrative. If you do not like it, do not read. OK, ready? Let’s go!
1. “If you want my forgiveness, you’re going to bring Elena Gilbert
back to life” that line still makes me laugh because who the fuck cares
about your hand-me-down forgiveness, Damon. Also Elena isn’t dead. So
back to life my ass, it’s just waking her up.
2. I think it’s
funny that Cade is talking about how Damon is in limbo, “the space
between spaces” because my guy, that is JUST the Other Side.
No, see, the entire plot line with Cade and the Salvatores irritates me
because it’s so conveniently linked to Damon and Stefan. He is the devil
or the devil’s right hand man (since Katherine is the Queen of Hell for
some reason, right?) I don’t understand why he can’t just find the
weapon himself or get someone else to do it for him, there’s no reason
that it has to be Damon and it’s the problem when a villain keeps
making threats “Or I’ll drag you back to hell”, so then do it. At least
with Supernatural when Zachariah wanted Dean to do something and Dean
was like nah, Zachariah was like OK so what if I give Sam stage 4
stomach cancer? Or hey, how about if I take away his lungs? And we see
him inflict these tortures on Sam while Dean watches. Or Dean starts
off the season coming out of hell and we get flashbacks to what hell was
like for him and we find out how much it fucked him up so when Uriel
and Castiel threaten to throw him back into hell, it’s an actual real
threat because we’ve seen the effects and why he would be scared. This
whole thing with Damon is like … every time Cade says he’ll send Damon
to hell I’m like motherfucker, no you’re not or you would’ve DONE did
it by now, stop.
4. Kat and Paul look gorgeous together, like I just … seriously, they’re really beautiful people.
5. Bonnie being able to see Enzo is like Jeremy being able to see Bonnie and Elena hallucinating Damon. I’m bored.
6. Lol I’m sorry, that picture of Caroline and Stefan, their smiles are so tight.
I find it interesting that nearly every time Stefan is going to leave
town or stays in town it’s because of Elena. He comes back to MF to meet
Elena. In 1x09 he says he’s going to leave town to protect her but he
stays because in 1x10 she says she loves him and because Logan Fell had
just become a vampire. In 3x21 he tells Damon that if Elena chooses
Damon he’ll leave town, he stays because Elena became a vampire and
because she chose him. In 4x23 he’s going to leave town because Elena
chose Damon. And now in 8x14 he’s going to leave town but Elena is in
trouble so he stays. In 5x09 Katherine even made it a point to tell
Stefan that he stays in MF for Elena.
8. Caroline, isn’t it a bit premature to tell your toddler children that you might not marry Stefan?
LOL I do find it a bit weird that Kai would be singing at karaoke but
it’s made up for the fact that I could listen to Chris’ voice for hours
and Paul’s facial expression as Stefan watches Kai sing is HILARIOUS.
10. I like seeing Paul and Chris interact, they work really
well and really easily together although I don’t feel like I’m watching
Stefan and Kai, I feel like I’m watching a visual representation of a
Chris/Paul tweet conversation but it’s entertaining.
the show is doing some pretty tight close ups on Kai and Stefan, they
almost shoot them the way they shoot Klefan, I wonder if Klaus would be
12. I was literally like “why the fuck isn’t Damon
coming to save his human brother from being stabbed” and then Stefan
says, “What took you so long? and Damon says he went to put in a song. I
get that’s supposed to be funny but seriously it just once again shows
how fucking thoughtless Damon is, like you went to put in a song when
your human brother was going to head to head with a psychopath heretic
from hell? Fuck you, Damon.
13. Stefan didn’t actually say
that he wants to figure out if he wants to be with Caroline, though, he
legit said I need to figure out who I am and I need to do it alone. Like
14. Also where are the twins if neither she
nor Alaric are watching them in this scene? Like if they’re setting shit
on fire because of temper tantrums and are literally prone to blowing
each other up now, I would be around them all the time.
do like how Kai is like hey, hey! Maybe you should stop talking about
your love life and wonder wtf is happening with your kids? I mean I could help.
16. BE is basically DE.
I like how Stefan has, like, an actual plan to kill Cade but if you’re
going to kill him, will you not slash his arm and punch him and make
witty remarks, can you just stab him?
18. Because you see what happens, Alaric’s cell phone rings and he stops ringing the all important bell.
Really? Did they really make Stefan go, “DIE” as he’s trying to kill
Cade? I wonder if Paul was like, do I really have to say this though?
Can’t you give a line like that to Ian?
20. Oh so Damon killed himself to save Stefan and Elena. I mean I guess. He comes back to life anyway.
21. They’re making Kai really petty, like really, he’s this obsessed with killing two toddlers?
22. What does being psychic have to do with knowing Damon can hear him.
23. I can’t believe there’s a literal fight for Damon’s soul. OMG.
*SPOILERS FOR OUTLANDER* So there’s this show/book called Outlander
about many things but at the centre of it, there’s a love story between
Jamie and Claire and throughout the series, Jamie makes these
declarations of love to Claire and says he’ll do anything for her, that
he’ll be her shield, he’ll die for her etc. and there’s this villain
called Jack Randall who is a sexual sadist and he has a particular
interest in Jamie who he nearly flogged to death years earlier,
basically Randall gets a hold of Claire and is going to kill her in
front of Jamie so Jamie offers up his body to Randall in exchange for
Claire’s safety and in that scene Randall nails Jamie’s hand to a table
and kisses him while Claire has to watch and then Claire is forced to
leave Randall and Jamie alone and in the next part we basically see the
rape and torture that Randall inflicts on Jamie over and over. A lot of
people had issues with that and asked the author why she felt the need
to show the brutal rape of Jamie and her response was this:
“So, OK. Throughout the book, we’ve seen that
love has a real cost. Jamie and Claire have built a relationship
through honest struggle, a relationship that’s _worth_ what it’s cost
them. This is the final challenge, and Jamie’s willing to pay what will
apparently be the ultimate cost.
Why would I throw that away? To have him
escape rape and torture (he–and we–_know_ what’s coming) by the skin of
his teeth would be to undercut his sacrifice, to make it of little
moment. (It would be like someone turning up in Gethsemane and telling
Christ, “Hey, buddy, you don’t _really_ have to do this. Come with me, I
got a secret way outta here…”)”
And this is what TVD fails to do
with DE. It’s one thing for Damon to be willing to go to hell for both
Stefan and Elena but Bonnie shows up and actually saves him from having
to undergo that threat and it undercuts his sacrifice because he didn’t
actually have to sacrifice anything, he just had to be willing and it’s
not impactful. So I’m not even a little moved by what Damon did because
he didn’t do anything first of all, second of all after everything he’s
done throughout 8 seasons why wouldn’t he choose himself, I mean, it’s
the least he can do.
25. “Bonnie, wake up”, Stefan can you check her pulse?
26. “That little psychic blast must’ve blew me into my body” that literally makes no sense.
27. Damon and Stefan sitting on Damon’s car, drinking is basically just Sam and Dean. Stop it.
So Alaric wants to open a poor man’s Hogwarts/Charmed “Magic School”
omg that is so lame and unoriginal. I also realize how lazy it was for
Charmed to call that academy “Magic School”.
29. “Someone who can
create a safe, supportive and loving space for kids … someone like
you” is that Caroline, though? I’m sorry but she doesn’t seem like any
of those things to Josie and Lizzie, she’s shrill and just tells them
to stop doing things, like I don’t know why she didn’t actually ask
Josie and Lizzie how they felt when their magic was going haywire, like
we don’t actually see her BE with them, she just scolds.
30. So I
actually like the proposal scene with Steroline, I think what Stefan
says to Caroline is sweet … I just don’t believe it. I just don’t
believe that everything he wants is there with her, I just don’t believe
that he loves her that deeply and Stefan doesn’t get here on his own
and he never gets to the romantic speeches with Caroline on his own and
it’s like … how do I explain this … when Stefan and Elena were going
through their separations, even if they were both doing something else,
I always got the impression that they were on each other’s minds, that
there was a struggle to stay away from each other but they were doing so
because they thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I never
get that with Steroline when they’re apart, it just feels like their
lives break off and there isn’t a residual connection there, it feels
like they’re perfectly fine being separated and their lives are easily
untethered so when Stefan comes back like MARRY ME, it doesn’t feel like
he’s stopped fighting what he wants and it doesn’t feel like he’s
wanted to do this all along and he’s finally just acting on it, it feels
like Damon said, “life isn’t going to get any better than you marrying
Caroline so marry her” and Stefan went “true.”
31. Also, every time
Candice and Paul kiss it really feels like they’re trying to use as
little lip as possible, like this was supposed to be a passionate, deep
kiss, like it was supposed to be this:
also people underestimate how sweet Mattoline could be, like I frankly never see Caroline look at Stefan like this:
but anyway, their kisses always look like they want to do the least possible and not open their mouths:
32. The Bonkai reunion was meh but someone told me the Grahamwood chemistry is gone and like, where? When Kai said “This is kinda hot” I believe he meant it.
and the personal satisfaction Bonnie gets from this:
she looks cheeky not like she has this vicious vengeance, like nah, the Grahamwood energy stays on point.
33. Finally, what anons kept asking me about, Katherine Pierce being the Queen of hell. I am going to admit something, I think the show and the characters gas Katherine way too much, she isn’t the baddest bitch of all, I don’t think the characters are toast because she’s running hell, I don’t even think she deserves to run Hell, she’s petty, it’s not like she has master plans that completely destroy lives, she just makes things inconvenient for the core group like *ugh* I mean I guess I gotta go fix Elena because she has venom in her system, like what were the major consequences of what she did in 5x15 to Elena? Elena didn’t see Damon for an entire episode and couldn’t sleep with him immediately. Getting Jenna to stab herself was rude but the major consequence of that is Stefan and Elena breaking up. She outted the Klaroline sex and it just fractured an already fractured relationship with Tyler. The worst thing she did was cause Jeremy’s death and that wasn’t even intentional, it was just like oh well … yeah, my bad, bye. Like she’s a mean girl on steroids, that’s kind of it, she isn’t like this Badass Villain that no one can top and OMG SHE RUNS HELL. I mean Rebekah caused just as much damage as Katherine did because they’re both petty.
Overall this episode was … one of the least offensive episodes of the season, I guess. No real strong feelings about it. Sorry it took so long to review, I hope it was worth the wait :)
poses from imagination to practice what i (hopefully) learned and commit it to memory QAQ
top half (lighter purple) was from may, I drew scribbles and forced em into a pose, so they came out kinda stretched & funky looking lol
bottom half was from june where i was trying to figure out what i need to study next (x’s are there to mark the areas where i was having trouble/getting confused and frustrated) also I invented a pose and then tried to draw the same pose from two other angles OH MAN it was SO HARD LIKE you WOuLD nOT BElieVE but very very helpful; I’m gonna def keep doing that exercise
NAPOLEON: Are you all right? ILLYA: Of course I’m all right. I’m always all right.
WAVERLY:Some of our departments operate with efficiency, Mr Solo!
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Season 3, Episode 26 - “The When in Roma Affair”
AKA, the one where Illya comes out of the closet–twice.
Also the one where Napoleon sit together in a car, in the moonlight, in lover’s lane. (Sometimes MFU makes this too easy!)
Illya also spends a lot of time staring at Napoleon in this episode!.
Not one of the all-time great episodes, but it does have an appealing innocent, played by Julie Sommars, and a McGuffin for THRUSH and the boys to pursue all around Rome.
Napoleon is captured by THRUSH in the beginning of the episode, and is roughed up by them. Illya comments that he looks the worse for wear, but… he’s his usual pristine self. Oh come on, Make Up and Costume Departments, you couldn’t come up with one fake bruise or a crumpled suit for Napoleon to wear?
Rather than introduce himself to a strange woman in a restaurant, Illya resorts to cat burglary. He’s promptly held up by small boy and blackmailed into reading him a bedtime story. Sometimes I bet Illya wishes he could deal with small children the THRUSH way.
Something I’ve noticed: whenever there is some driving to be done, Illya nearly always does it. Was it a David McCallum thing? A Robert Vaughn thing?
Heh. So of course when Napoleon and Illya steal a tour bus, Illya drives it.
Mr Waverly seems to be gradually losing patience with his agents’ incompetence in this episode. I can’t really say I blame him.
All’s well that ends well, but the tag at the end of this episode left a sour taste in my mouth. Enter an U.N.C.L.E. secretary in too-tight skirt and push-up bra, va-va-voom stripper music playing on a sax in the background. Every man in the room–including the Innocent’s love interest–swivels around to leer. Did they have to end an episode where all the women had been treated as fully rounded humans throughout with a moment of “comic” sleaze? And spoil the Innocent’s happy ending on top of it? I know it was the sixties, but bleh!
Hi all! You know the deal. I write my thoughts in real time so anything I saw at the beginning that might be a mistake may be corrected by the end. This review will have anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Steroline, anti-Bamon, anti-Bonenzo sentiments and will most likely have references to other shows and to the misogynoir, anti-blackness and racism in the narrative. If you do not like it, you do not have to read this. Are you ready? OK! Let’s go.
1. So I’m stopping a very promising Kdrama to watch this. The Kdrama is called Mirror of the Witch, I’m on the first episode and already there are more consequences in this drama than all eight seasons of TVD. So far it looks exceptionally dark and mean-spirited, I think it might actually disturb me. Anyway. It’s still entirely ridiculous that Cade’s last words are “Go to hell.” Like why? Also why would Stefan say, “You first”? Wasn’t Cade already in hell? Like didn’t he sort of create it? And now he’s just … dead? What was that dialogue?
2. I like how opening the door to Cade’s world will only destroy everything for “miles”, like that’s such a small scale, shouldn’t it be the end of the world if the devil is walking among us? Or is he not the devil, is Katherine the devil? I’m confused about the Hell hierarchy, you see.
3. Also I should mention I have a cold and I took cough syrup and it SAYS non-drowsy but last night I was knocked the fuck out so if I get a little loopy near the end, it could be that. Or it could be that watching TVD has finally addled my brain. Who knows.
4. They really do hype Katherine way too much.
5. Sorry, pausing because my cat is being extremely affectionate and I would rather play with her for a little than watch what trash this episode is going to be.
6. But now she’s on my keyboard. It’s like she’s trying to spare me.
7. The lighting in this episode seems to be darker than normal, I can barely see anything.
8. I think it’s funny that Caroline keeps waking up expecting to see Stefan and he’s not there.
9. Matt’s hair is SO stupid though. LIKE WHY.
10. I have it paused because the video is loading still but like seriously, he looks thoroughly unattractive like this and out of character I think Zach is pretty cute, so like ugh, why am I subjected to this.
11. Why do we care about Matt’s dad again?
12. Or his mother for that matter.
13. Like remember when she came to town and then made out with Damon and then they discovered Vicki was dead and she made out with Tyler? Or was Tyler first and then Damon? Either way, she’s messy af. The only interesting dynamic was her and Caroline and Elena. She’s pointless.
14. “That was a lifetime ago, things have changed since then” that should just replace the title of TVD. “Didn’t Damon kill your sister?” “That was a long time ago.” “Didn’t Damon kill your brother” “That was a long time ago.” And now apparently abandoning your family because of man pain and cowardice and immaturity is “a lifetime ago” too but oh no, Stefan was a ripper a literal century ago and we need to harp on it forever.
15. Real talk, I already feel kinda woozy but it’s fine it’s like being buzzed and it’s probably the only way I will get through this episode.
16. Why would Dorian agreeing to help them on how to get rid of the “Queen of Hell” be misconstrued as him being “cool” with Stefan though? Isn’t getting rid of someone who is supposed to be the devil Plus be in everyone’s best interest? Like whatever, it was just another chance to take a shot at Stefan. Transparent as fuck.
17. That red looks nice on Kat.
18. I like how Katherine is in this world, everything is supposed to be going to shit and Matt isn’t like “Mom, Dad, I hate you but you need to leave town because you could possibly die” he’s just like yeah fam, I’m rescheduling our awkward dinner date. Like lol. It would be more interesting if he didn’t give a shit if they died but this is just the writers being the writers. In Buffy, when the Mayor is supposed to devour all of Sunnydale, Buffy forces her mother to leave town and tells her if she doesn’t her presence will get her [Buffy] killed.
19. I love Stefan’s face when Damon says “she’s obsessed with Stefan” like BITCH WHO TOLD YOU TO TALK?
20. Why does it have to be a wedding though? It could just as easily be an engagement party or a rehearsal dinner, like sooooooooooo forced.
21. I mean, I don’t blame Bonnie for hating Stefan but Damon was responsible for killing Jeremy and kidnapping Jeremy, Enzo was responsible for suffocating Jeremy and she’s cool with both of them, hell she fell in love with one of them so I’m just like girl, I guess. The writers are ridiculous because it just feels like they don’t know the web they’ve created with these characters and understand that they’ve turned pretty much everyone into a hyprocrite.
22. And as a non-Beremy shipper, I still think Bonnie loved Jeremy more than Enzo and Beremy was a problematic af ship but at least some things were halfway earned, Bonenzo is pure dialogue, fam.
23. Oh and looks.
24. I don’t even know why Damon needs to tell Stefan that what happened to Enzo will haunt him like Stefan isn’t new to guilt. Why are they making it seem like this is Stefan’s first rodeo?
25. My video keeps fucking buffering. I might switch sites because I love myself too much to drag this out longer than I have to. Because I am only eight minutes in, that’s not gonna fly.
26. OK so everything is just buffering. I was supposed to have my data back, what is this.
27. Right now I have it paused on Damon. I really don’t get what anons mean when they tell me his arms are huge. Like I don’t see it.
28. WHO CARES ABOUT MATT’S MOM? What’s her name again? Kelly?
29. Is she dying?
30. She’s dying.
31. Oh she’s dead. Ish.
32. “Oh please don’t be mad at me, Caroline” that actually sounded like Stefan was talking to his mother.
33. Yeah this BE scene is giving me nothing.
34. Liz did a TERRIBLE job protecting MF, who are we kidding? And toasting with your rape victim about how her mother became your best friend and now her daughter will be your family is disgusting.
35. Lol yes use the SE necklace that Damon kept taking to give it to Caroline on her wedding day for Stefan because we’re ignoring how important that necklace was to SE, sure.
36. Seriously, Caroline looks at Alaric with more love than she does Stefan. Like just marry him, y'all are more compatible and have more chemistry than you and Stefan anyway. Like omg.
37. “I hope I get to see this one day with you and Elena” lol the FLATTEST delivery ever. Like do you even mean it?
Do you REALLY? Think hard, Stefan.
38. “I want to be a part of your happiness” I mean I guess. I don’t like Bonnie being arbitrary in her blame for Stefan but like can the girl be selfish and feel what she feels when she feels it for once? And indulge? Like??
39. I also find it interesting that Stefan and Caroline don’t have a private moment before the wedding, like I know this isn’t how we wanted to do this blah blah blah. They’re so segregated even when they’re together.
40. Do the writers not know of any alcohol other than bourbon?
41. The slow mo doesn’t change the deadened expression on Paul’s face, guys. Sorry.
42. Also Alaric’s speech is stupid, who becomes “family” with the people who have continuously terrorized your life and are responsible for the people you’ve lost? Like that’s when you see a psychiatrist because you have serious emotional issues.
43. “You saw light in me when all I saw was darkness.” WHEN WAS THIS? NO LEGIT WHEN? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. Madly in love, you don’t even look madly in love, you look SO chill. OMG.
44. LOL bout you’ve been ready since you saw him at school. You were on his jock for one episode, then you onto Damon and were unfortunate enough to be his victim, then it was Matt, then it was Tyler, then it was Klaus, then it was Tyler then it was Jesse then it was Klaus then it was Stefan. Girl bye.
45. That SC dance looks SO AWKWARD.
LOL SLOW MO DOESN’T MAKE SHIT BETTER UNLESS IT’S ALREADY GOOD
46. Of course Matt’s dad isn’t dead. I mean he got stabbed when it was light out and now it’s dark but he’s still gurgling. Jesus. We met him THIS season, Julie, you can kill the irrelevant fucker off.
47. I don’t know why Caroline is STILL wearing the necklace.
48. HER NAME IS KELLY. I WAS RIGHT.
49. Why isn’t Caroline vamp speeding into the house?
50. Really? That’s your reaction to your kids potentially dying?
51. So like the smoke is having no effect on Bonnie?
52. And them siphoning her doesn’t hurt?
53. Caroline is legit calm when she thought her kids were dead for a minute.
54. LMFAO SO WHO ISN’T IN HELL? Vicki was in hell, Kelly was in hell, so like ERRBODY GOES TO HELL THEN? WHAT CRITERIA IS THERE? Like if I run a stop light do I go to hell because it’s against the law? What if I jaywalk or accidentally step on an ant or something? BECAUSE SERIOUSLY.
55. STEFAN WHY DON’T YOU EVER CHECK ANYONE’S PULSE?
Final thoughts: This episode didn’t enrage me like I thought it would, it’s just thoroughly ridiculous because it attempts to haphazardly rewrite history and Paul was such a lacklustre groom, like faaaam, those vows were horrible. And Caroline and Stefan are just so isolated from each other, like they don’t feel like a couple or a pair, they don’t feel like one, it’s so very cold. Kelly coming back with her daughter to destroy MF is like, I mean I guess, Katherine’s plan isn’t even original, Stefan was going to burn MF to the ground first anyway, like we’re seriously recycling plots in the same season too? This was actually laughably bad.
Lana Del Rey on her new album: I’m in a good mood. By Steve Holden
Her new album, Lust For Life, is completed and comes out in July.
‘Regardless of how reviews go, I wanted to make songs I’d have fun singing for the next couple of years,’ she says, ‘It took me two years to make this record.’
Sonically, she says the sound of Lust For Life ‘jumps around a lot’. ‘It mixes a more acoustic sound to a heavier beatsy darker sound that’s similar to Born To Die.’ She admits it’s a ‘really long record’ and says she ‘couldn’t leave anything out’. It’s currently 18 tracks long.
Another anticipated collaboration is her track with legendary Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks, who went to high school with her producer, Rick Nowels: ‘I felt like I really wanted a woman on the record. We called her [Stevie Nicks] and she agreed. I can’t remember the last time I was so nervous in the studio. I’m nervous on stage but there’s no reason to be nervous in the studio. She was looking at me through the double paned glass and I thought, “Don’t choke.” I did my little riff… and I choked!’
1.Pick a book with a character you see yourself in:
I meant to choose a book I don’t gush so much about - but I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a strong kinship with a character as I have with Julie Beaufort-Stuart, nickname “Queenie”, code name “Verity” from Elizabeth Wein’s Code Name Verity.
2. What about them makes you think of yourself?:
The first time I read this book, as Julie reflects on herself using the third-person “Queenie” I was kind of uncomfortable with how candidly she addressed her own unpretty traits because I connected with her personality so strongly and saw many of the same flaws in myself.
Julie is arrogant and vain and sharp-tongued, but she is also a fierce friend, keenly intelligent, and a born storyteller. She is a radio operator meant to do spy work in Occupied France and my useless imagination likes to believe that, had I been born in that era, I would have found myself in the same line of wartime work. She’s also a Scot with a shit sense of direction - which is basically me, except I’m only Scottish by descent.
3. Is it hard to find this kind of character in books and other media?:
I do think it’s difficult to find other characters like Julie, in the sense that she feels like such a real person which may be more of a credit to the author than to the character herself. But, I feel like Julie is more than a list of character descriptors or a snappy tagline identity, and that’s what makes her really stand out among some of the other characters I could compare her to. She’s like the multi-dimensional Natasha Romanov that the Avengers movies haven’t been able to give us.
4. Post a selfie or a book photo—or both! Or neither! Whatever you feel comfortable with.How about some quotes? Quotes are good.
My photography skills are pathetic - so have some of my favorite quotes that sum up Julie’s personality instead.
“I of course took the opportunity to interpose wi’ pig-headed Wallace pride, ‘I am not English, you ignorant Jerry bastard, I am a SCOT.”
“Von Linden really should know me well enough by now to realize that I am not going to face my execution without a fight. Or with anything remotely resembling dignity.”
“Queenie was devoted to careless name-dropping, scattering the details of her privileged upbringing without the faintest hint of modesty or embarrassment (though, after a while Maddie began to realize she only did it with people she liked or people she detested–those who didn’t mind and those she didn’t care about–anyone in between, or who might have been offended, she was more cautious with).”
“I am in the Special Operations Executive because I can speak French and German and am good at making up stories, and I am a prisoner in the Ormaie Gestapo HQ because I have no sense of direction whatsoever.”
OK! So we’re starting from the beginning, every Friday between 9pm and 10. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I will write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Gotta admit, I’m a little excited to start from the beginning, it’s been a really long time. Ready? Let’s go.
1. OK Stefan’s voiceover over the foggy woods is still HELLA campy though. I remember I saw this and was like, Fadi (my friend), are you really making me watch this? YES. She was so fucking insistent.
2. Yeah the foggy night and dark road, it’s very horror movie, very cinematic.
3. Them hitting Damon is reminiscent of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” They even gave Damon a growling noise when he feeds.
4. Listening to the score for season 1, really emphasizes how much they misused the cues in season 8. The scary cue works here because people are running, getting snatched up on a dark foggy night, it isn’t just walking through the Salvatore house.
5. Jenna is legit a mess, like, right away, Elena is like drinking coffee and really chill, like do you not have a presentation today? Go.
6. Damon sending the crow to hit Bonnie’s car is like … Literally from the minute he’s introduced, he’s terrorizing her.
7. Also Kat is a stronger actress than Nina, even the way Bonnie says, “And I was like put this woman in a HOME already”, she has more presence than Nina.
8. “She looks a hot … can I say tranny mess?” “No that’s over.” And totally inappropriate. I completely missed that before.
9. LOL Elena’s “No comment, I’m not going to say anything” when Caroline walks away is delivered really well, yo you two secretly hate each other and that should’ve been explored more.
10. Stefan’s jeans actually look a little ridiculous in the pilot, though. Like they don’t look like they fit well. When Bonnie and Elena sees him in the office.
11. Jeremy is legit like a drug dealer though. That’s kind of a big deal.
12. “You need to chill yourself” …. … … Did KW and JP like consult any teens when they wrote this script?
13. And her fight with Jeremy is actually pretty muted. I’m an only child but my closest friends are older siblings and they’ve told me of times when their younger siblings were fucking up and they would like literally BE there all the time, they would walk them to class, sit with them at lunch, be like, so where are we going today? Elena threatens to do that but never really follows through and it always bothered me that no one held an intervention for Jeremy or set up a meeting with a counsellor.
14. It is still the cutest thing ever when Stefan catches Elena staring at him in class.
15. I do like that in season 1 they dress like they’re teenagers though.
16. “Shoo, that’s what I thought.” Yeah, Elena, stand up to that bird.
17. No, seriously, from a purely objective point of view I can see why the cemetery scene would be the scene that made KW and Bob Levi and JP go ecstatic because when the scene begins Nina seems a little nervous, which I get, it’s the pilot, but when the scene goes on and the dialogue keeps going, she and Paul just have that energy, the way she smiles, the way they stare at each other, there’s legit chemistry there.
18. Yeah, those jeans need to go. And Paul I love you, but your pilot haircut is nooooooooot working.
19. Like you look like a hedgehog, honey.
The diary entries actually make this REALLY angsty.
20. LOL Vicki is actually pretty mean to Jeremy though. “I don’t want to announce to the world that I deflowered Elena’s kid brother” and Jeremy has these puppy dog eyes when he says, “And deflowered and deflowered” and it’s like awwwwwwww, you’re way too young for this.
21. “I’m meeting Bonnie at The Grill”, it’s not even Bonnie and Caroline though.
22. These Stelena stares are KILLING me. It’s different seeing it within the episode than clips.
23. The way Matt says, “I feel weird calling her … She broke up with me” all of them are so YOUNG and have these really innocent faces and it just makes everything seem so MEAN.
24. “Any siblings” “None that I talk to” so when Elena tells Damon in the next episode, “Stefan never mentioned he had a brother” I mean he didn’t say that he didn’t either, he admits to having siblings. I feel like I’m going to keep a tally of all the times the show forgets its own script to propel DE.
25. Yoooooooooooo I didn’t remember we get a shot of Stefan topless in the pilot when he’s putting on his shirt. *sigh* so gratuitous. I love it.
26. Those jeans are terrible though.
27. OK but really, WHO IS ZACH AGAIN? He says “Uncle Stefan” so like how does that work?
28. Stefan being blamed for Damon’s shit from DAY ONE.
29. Paul’s intense gaze is damn.
30. I also like how in history class they never discuss enslavement. Mmkay.
31. “You’re upset about something.” “No it’s just Bonnie, she’s … You know what, never mind. You’re here.” And from Day One Bonnie’s issues are ignored.
32. Paul and Nina look really good walking next to each other.
33. Tyler legitimately treats Vicki like shit.
34. “Jeremy. Is that you?” Yes, Vicki, Jeremy can create fog now.
35. Also Damon is so fucking extra with that fog. It’s unnecessary.
36. “I just want to let you know that I still believe in us and I’m not giving up on you” oh Matty, it was never you. Don’t worry though, you get a bench.
37. So Vicki is on the ground with blood on her neck and Jeremy is like “It’s Vicki” and Elena is like “oh my God” and NO ONE is taking out their phones to call 9-11.They just stand there until she opens her eyes. I mean, I guess.
38. Ian’s hair is RIDICULOUS.
39. I don’t understand how Damon got such a following, I find him thoroughly uncharming. Like he just talks SO MUCH.
40. “Damon, after all this time, after all these years can’t we just give it a rest??” “I promised you an eternity of misery.” How fucking petty ARE you Damon?
41. Ian isn’t menacing.
42. “How come the guys I want never go for me?” “I’m not touching that.” Bonnie is hilarious though. Like oh hell no, do not drag me into your messy shit.
43. Vicki and her black nail polish. So high school.
44. Matt’s eyes are actually really blue in the pilot.
45. I am so fucking glad the diary voiceovers disappear eventually. It’s just, it’s too much.
46. And Stefan and Elena overlap. Omg. No.
47. Damon looks creepy as fuck staring at Caroline.
48. I won’t lie though, Stefan constantly coming to Elena’s house, if it were me I’d be like sooooo are you just going to keep showing up? Like she isn’t a little bit weirded out that this guy keeps just showing up at her house?
49. And she can just invite boys into her house at how late at night?
OK so my review is over! I’m definitely excited to be doing these every Friday. It’s funny though because pilots are meant to establish what the show is going to be about and what’s centered in the pilot is Stefan and Elena and their desire to get through their respective dark times. The supernatural element is secondary. It’s first and foremost an SE story. Until next week!
*NOTE* To avoid confusion: I’m not saying what Stefan did is comparable to Damon, Damon was terrorizing Elena for kicks, I’m just saying that Stefan comes across as intense in the pilot and I would be like dude you are at my house a lot but it makes sense because Stefan isn’t acting completely human because he isn’t one, throughout the episode he’s trying to train himself to be more human.
In Julie Kagawa’s groundbreaking modern fantasy series, dragons walk among us in human form.
ago, dragons were hunted to near extinction by the Order of St. George,
a legendary society of dragon slayers. Hiding in human form and growing
their numbers in secret, the dragons of Talon have becomestrong and
cunning, and they’re positioned to take over the world with humans none
Ember and Dante Hill are the only sister and brother
known to dragonkind. Trained to infiltrate society, Ember wants to live
the teen experience and enjoy a summer of freedom before taking her
destined place in Talon. But destiny is a matter of perspective, and a
rogue dragon will soon challenge everything Ember has been taught. As
Ember struggles to accept her future, she and her brother are hunted by
the Order of St. George.
Soldier Garret Xavier Sebastian has a
mission to seek and destroy all dragons, and Talon’s newest recruits in
particular. But he cannot kill unless he is certain he has found his
prey - and nothing is certain about Ember Hill. Faced with Ember’s
bravery, confidence, and all-too-human desires, Garret begins to
question everything that the order has ingrained in him - and what he
might be willing to give up to find the truth about dragons.
I am in the middle of reading Julie’s other series Iron Fey and I love it, so I decided to give Talon a try. I have never read any books about dragons, other mythical creatures but never a dragon so I was excited about this book.
Talon was good but it was really slow going and I couldn’t find any excitement for it. I wasn’t bored by it but I wasn’t so willing to read it for some reason. The characters were good but I thought the dragon world was a little down played. Ember was a feisty wild thing that took great enjoyment out of life and didn’t take things at face value while her twin Dante was exact opposite. Dante is a company man, he is all about Talon and does exactly as he is told without question. The bond between Dante and Ember is incredible and you can see how it progresses through the story and how it goes from one level to another.
I could see where everything is headed. The ending was going to be something big you could tell that it was all coming to a point at the end and boy did it explode. The ending was the best part of Talon and it actually made me want to listen to the next book in the series, Rouge. I don’t know if it was my mood or what but I am going to wait a couple of weeks before I start Rouge and hopefully I will be in a better listening mood.
So this historical romance isn’t new (it was originally published in 1989!) and it probably doesn’t need any more reviews to help sell it (it’s been on multiple best seller lists), but here we go anyway… .
“No matter how she looked at it, she always came up with the same conclusion: Alec Kincaid had about as much compassion as a goat.”
The Bride, taking place in 1102,tells the rough beginnings of Alec and Jamie’s marriage. Alec Kincaid, a daunting Scottish laird, must marry an English woman by decree of his King, Edgar. After seeing his choices in the Baron Jamison’s four daughters, Alec chooses Jamie, quickly marries her, and has her off to his land in Scotland within an hour. Alec is, at first, brash, in charge, and has little interest in Jamie and the skills and opinions she has to offer. Jamie, just as stubborn as Alec and accomplished in her own ways, makes it a priority to add a little English charm to his Scottish home. As the novel progresses, we see Jamie and Alec learn to love and compromise and discover just how nice an understanding between England and Scotland can be.
Julie Garwood packs a lot of action into her 350-page romance. Marriages, murder attempts, and feuding clans all change the course of Alec and Jamie’s lives as they try to hide how quickly they were falling for each other.
Garwood writes in the typical historical romance fashion; the story moves along quickly and the novel itself is a fairly quick read. At times, I felt like there were references to Alec and Jamie’s relationship that I was missing, like they were getting closer (emotionally, but especially physically) behind the scenes. Garwood’s characters stayed in the vernacular throughout the novel, though the novel’s perspective would change often, most often from paragraph to paragraph. The perspective change was a bit distracting at first, but it was easy to get used to as the novel progressed and more characters contributed to the story.
Overall, this is your standard historical romance/Scottish Highlander story. The story was well done and included true historical information (Edgar really was King of Scotland during this time; there really is a Kincaid clan in Scotland that would have had holdings in 1102.) The Bride is a good book to pick up if you’re looking for well-done Scottish Highlander romance featuring a strong female lead who refuses to let a big brute of a laird change who she is and what she stands for.
Hey guys! You know the drill, I write everything in real time which means if I make a mistake in the beginning it may be fixed by the end. In this review there will be anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Bamon, anti-Steroline sentiments, probable mentions of misogynoir, anti-blackness and racism, possible mentions of other TV shows, if you do not like it do not read. I did this on my phone so bear with me. OK ready? Let’s go!
1. Seriously, Cade seems like a really petty devil though. “Kill 100 people or your brother’s girl” like … why? Don’t you have some world domination plans going on or…? Like why the interest in Stefan and Damon, what about either of them are particularly special to the devil? It doesn’t make sense to me. At least with Supernatural, everything from season 1 was leading up to Dean and Sam being vessels for Michael and Lucifer, like every season, every plot point fed into that so it made sense, this is just fucking random.
2. I’m legit taking this opportunity to tell people to watch Goblin because it is so much more intriguing than whatever the hell TVD has become. You can watch it on: Drama Fever, Box Asian, Drama 4 U Viki, like so many sites, guys. I mean, I’m just saying, if you want a show that’ll make you cry and keep you in suspense and make you fall in love with characters then that’s it.
3. Yeah Bonnie’s scream of pain totally could’ve been better.
Why do I care about Matt again? His family made a bell that could kill sirens? Or witches? And that somehow makes him important?
4. Everyone is having like such lowkey reactions to things. Damon’s reaction to Bonnie telling him that Stefan is human is like “Oh. Damn. OK.” LIKE? Bonnie crying over Enzo is like … I mean I guess. I remember when she cried over Jeremy, that shit looked painful.
5. “Stefan, thank God” sound even less enthused, Caroline.
6. Seriously Candice has NO conviction in her voice.
7. Why are there never any cars on the roads they drive on?
8. Alaric and Matt, the two characters I care about the least in one room.
9. “I don’t think this is just colonial bling” did they seriously make Dorian say that? UGH. Also who says bling anymore? Are we in the early 00s?
10. Why are we acting like this history wouldn’t include the enslaved or First Nations populations?
11. Why is Damon acting like he didn’t kill Tyler? I find this actually unbelievably fascinating. He can stand there and lecture Caroline about how Bonnie wouldn’t answer her calls when he killed Tyler who was supposed to be Caroline’s first love and her childhood friend? LIKE THIS WRITING.
I don’t understand this, Stefan is human so he can’t be immortal anymore and therefore is out of the contract so Cade will kill him? Can’t he just make Stefan an immortal human? Like why does he have to be a vampire? He can kill people without biting them, there’s always good old fashioned weaponry. Like what powers does Cade actually have?
12. Cade, why can’t you just get the book yourself? You’re supposed to be the freaking devil.
13. So the cops knew all of these people Stefan killed over two months and we’re just now seeing their presence?
14. How did Abby get to where Bonnie is so quickly?
15. “But don’t worry, Damon’s on it” yeah that isn’t a sentence that inspires confidence, Caroline. Shit.
16. WHY DON’T YOU GUYS JUST PHOTOCOPY THE FUCKING BOOK?
17. Damon’s hair is stupid.
18. Seriously Damon, it was that easy for Alaric to kill you? Why are you terrible at everything?
19. I’m sorry this “funeral” for Enzo is kind of ridiculous.
20. Like there are no side effects to turning human? You’re just human and that’s it. You don’t feel slower, weaker, you can just operate normally?
21. Damon is ANNOYING. Like I’m sorry but his “zingy” one liners just make me want to punch him. SHUT UP.
22. I also don’t get a sense of urgency at all. Everything is moving so slowly.
23. These costumes are TERRIBLE. We’re flashing back to the Maxwell and Bennett ancestors, Zach is playing his ancestor and this black woman is playing the Bonnie’s ancestor and the acting is just done so poorly.
24. Sybil does look good in period clothing though. Even if the period clothing is awful.
25. Lol Caroline and Stefan are so bad at being together.
26. I can’t believe I’m only 20 minutes.
27. “You know him by another name, the devil.” Guys, if people knew him as “the” devil, then they would know him also as Satan and Lucifer or any other religious name for the devil, you can’t just pretend like religion isn’t a factor.
28. Why would Sybil tell Ethan what the bell would do?
29. So Bonnie opened the door to hell with her scream, yeah this is Supernatural.
30. Wait, why does the cure make a human reject vampire blood? How does that work?
31. “Sirened to ring the bell” it’s just compulsion.
32. These flashbacks are actually so fucking awful.
33. Matt just die of a heart attack.
34. How can vampire blood cure a heart attack but not cancer?
35. Caroline’s “you’re going to live” speech is SO WEAK.
36. All they had to do was photocopy the fucking book to know how to kill Cade.
37. Seriously Caroline and Stefan just feel like really close roommates.
38. OH SHUT UP ABOUT HOW BONNIE IS BEING SO STRONG, let her CRY, let her GRIEVE, let her just fucking FEEL.
39. Matt kissing Bonnie on the forehead looks really weird.
40. And seriously he’s not even going to STAY with her? The supposed love of her life died and no one is going to just BE with her?
Remember when I said she would grieve alone?
41. “Thank you for saving my life.” “Oh that, I do that because it’s Tuesday.” LMFAO OK, DAMON.
42. KAI KAI KAI KAI OMG IT’S KAI KAIAKAIAIoisno oaf oafn oang og osg ! And he shows up like a BOSS.
Yeah this episode wasn’t the worst episode of the season but it was still entirely boring. I wish we could’ve seen Stefan’s apology to Bonnie and also where are the twins, who would Alaric entrust to keep them safe when the last person he trusted was a siren who kidnapped them? Does Caroline know Alaric is back? Does she get regular updates on her kids? But whatever because KAI IS BACK AND I’M SUPER FUCKING EXCITED DESPITE MY BETTER JUDGEMENT.