Trying to move on sucks especially when you’re trying to move on from an “almost boyfriend” because you were never able to get to the actual relationship so you were basically waiting for something that never happened.
The Boy Who Couldn’t Breathe Underwater Chapter Four
The Boy Who Couldn’t Hold His Breath Underwater | Phan Skam AU. Internalized homophobia is probably one of the hardest obstacles to overcome, but it’s only made harder when the people around you don’t quite understand why you’re so afraid. When Dan Howell meets Phil Lester, he finally realizes he has to overcome that hurdle. | Phan | Mature | Internalized homophobia, Drugs, Alcohol, Underage drinking, Parties, Discussions of Religion, Sexual Comments, Smut, Bi-polar disorder | Ongoing Chaptered
Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil, or any other youtube personalities.
This chapter: 2,953 words
I would just like to state that there are comments in this chapter about how being gay is “so easy these days,”and I would just like to point out three things:
1. This is not my stance on the issue, and is merely one character trying to deal with their own internal homophobia, 2. This generalization will be cleared up at a later point in the story, and 3. Skam is set up in a country where being gay is widely more accepted than it is in America or even Britain (I think?) and therefore is treated in the show as far more normal and with far less bullying surrounding it than we might be used to, which is why Dan’s thoughts take the turn they do. I chose to keep this aspect of the story the same despite writing it in a british au, which may make it seem strange to some of my readers, so just try and keep this fact in mind :)
good !! vibes !! just yesterday my parents finally agreed to have me go on testosterone this july, and today my crush asked me out !! this has been an amazing two days and ive never been this happy before~~
Take me back to the ocean, Feel warm sand beneath your feet, Emotion — escaping from reality, If I could only begin to explain All my flaws, all my fears All my stupid mistakes, could you still see past all the things I hide away And my poor choice of words? But you were smiling anyway
Wake me up in the morning Slept till late afternoon My dreams are dark and twisted But tonight I’m dreaming of you, Snuck in through your window Broken glass cut my skin Bled close to death with you all night But I still don’t regret a thing
I have a habit of pushing my luck If I just play this cool it might pay off for once As we lay intertwined you broke silence with talk asking “Baby, do you think of me?”
“Baby, do you think of me?” Yeah all the time, every night
The look in your eye You hung on every line When I poured my heart out But you took it every time