julie kantor

Jika dan Hanya Jika

Bila saja engkau butuh aku hanya ketika mereka tak lagi tahu
Bila saja kau kembali tak menganggapku hanya jika mereka sudah tahu
Bila saja engkau mencariku jika dan hanya jika ketika kau butuh
Bila saja kau enggan menolehku saat sudah lagi bukan aku yang kau butuh
Lebih baik pergilah, sebab aku tak lagi bisa jika hanya untuk sementara
Lebih baik menjauhlah, karena bukan aku yang sesungguhnya harus kau mengerti, melainkan dirimu sendiri
Aku ada, selalu ada, jika kau mengganggap dirimu mampu dan hanya jika memang aku yang menjadi satu

Hujan Mimpi
Kantor, 21 Juli 2016

There are people all around us that aren’t
us, can’t get used to, but I’m only

asked about you while you are
only asked about you, conflation of organs

when your back is against my chest

& stomach, are there arrows
long, sharp enough to make it

through two bodies at the same time—

or it will have to be one

then the other. I’m not asking you to bleed

as much as me, but to at least show

red on the broad leather straps
of your armor, softened by shower

ready for rush of maces, first
stone then metal-headed

melted for the temporal fossa. Lying

on my side, head cocked to the surface
of earth: body fallen into

inquisition when I really just lost

my capacities, power of receiving, & if I have
it this way you’ll have to be attached

to me—roll forward the parallel

planes of our skeletons, shift in
equivalent angles against

incarnadine ground, then will we have

to be travel partners forever,

judged by the same standards, & I keep

on better w/what’s behind
me, which is behind you, in front of me.