One Direction's new single Steal My Girl - Let's have a think about what the lyrics might be
OR Y’KNOW, WHAT THEY MIGHT DEFINITELY *NOT* BE
Just incase you’d forgotten, in a matter of days we’ll all be listening to One Direction’s brand new single Steal My Girl on repeat, memorising the lyrics like your souls depend on it and then singing them every single day for the rest of your lives. The funny bit is that that’s not even an exaggeration, is it?
But you know me, I’m quite an impatient soul, and rather than waiting to hear the magic of Wayne Hector, John Ryan, Julian Bunetta, Ed Drewett, Louis Tomlinson, and Liam Payne’s extraordinary song writing talents, I thought I’d have a go myself. HERE’S MY VERSION OF STEAL MY GIRL FOR YOU.
Verse 1: Liam
I got this beautiful girl, yeah her name is Sophia
But I gotta tell you now, I gotta make this crystal clear
I’m the only one allowed to give her wedgies on a boat
‘Stupid boy smelly pasta house’, that’s my best ever quote
Not sure why that matters but in conclusion to this verse
You can’t steal my girl ‘cause you are infinitely worse (than me).
Verse 2: Niall
I might be a single pringle at this moment in time
But one day I’ll have a girlfriend, yeah I’m gonna make her mine
And if anyone ever tried to steal her from me
N-O C-H-A-N-C-E, yeah I’ll spell it phonetically
Although if it was a choice between a lady and some McNuggets
I’d have to go for the chicken, but we could probably hug it… ouuuuut.
Verse 3: Louis
Happy days, I got my girl, we’ve been together for a while
She’s obsessed with Starbucks and we never really smile
We’re too cool for all that stuff, but we’ve made it through the rough
It’s Elounour til the end so you can run back to your friend
I’m too fabulous for you and I’ll be forced to unleash the sass
If you go anywhere near my girlfriend’s lovely BOTTOM.
Verse 4: Zayn (Middle 8 rap, obvs)
Pezza is my lady, Bradford Bad Boi - new slim shady
It’s in her D-D-D-NA, baby gurl she takes my breath away
But if you take her from me, the only Midnight MemoRIES
You’ll be getting is a black eye from el Maliko, yo.
I tell ya she’s my bae, so you just run away
Or I’ll throw a hairbrush at you and that. Word.
Verse 5: Harry
Hoooooold oonnnnnn, can’t we bring all this tension to an end?
We all came to have a good time, so we should really make amends
There’ll be no stealing of young ladies, she’s her own property
She can make her own decisions and she just came to party
I hate to see you sad, now give me a smile girl
You look so pretty when you’re happy, so look at my glorious curls.
(Bridge) There’s this goober in the club, and he’s getting fresh and feely
He’s touching my girl’s bum, I’d knock him out ideally
He’s trying to steal my girl and I just can’t eeeeeven
So it’s a really good job that I belieeeeeve in
Being hooooooonest about matters of the heart, SO
We are One Direction, and let’s make a correction
Our girls won’t be getting stolen my another other guys
‘Cause to be honest I could steal your girl in the blink of an eye, YEAH.
Expecting the call to say that this has replaced the original version any minute now.