julian i hate you and like you at the same time how is that even possible

i’ll take the fault in the faultiness | savifrost/flashfrost

description | Having her live with him was, perhaps, a mistake. He knew, as he knows most things, the past and the future are clear to him. Though he resolves that it’s the torment of it all that suits him now.

A/N | I’ve been wondering how much they would explore with the humanity in Savitar. As in, if he’s capable of pain, then he’s possibly capable of love. Thank you @anisstaranise for being as patience as you are talented in getting the best writing from me. Also, amazing inspiration from all the savifrost and flashfrost coming out lately. Always amazing from this fandom!


The bannister leading to her makeshift bedroom is cool against his grip, and he distinctly hears the moans of someone new she’s lured into their dilapidated living space. How she takes her willing victims in, their salivating and cowering at the sight of her, pulls at the twisted way his lips curl at these sort of things now.

Eventually, she comes down. And she comes down from whatever afterglow that had come from her latest, nameless kill. He had heard the cries for help before he even stepped foot on their grounds, knowing that the poor soul couldn’t have met a painless death. She hardly lets her raucous activities stop her, nevermind giving him notice of them. He decides he likes this about her, it’s precisely one of the reasons he sought her out in the first place.

He takes his hand off the melting ice on the railing, and nods as she climbs down the steps to meet him, appraising his smirking lips. ‘You’re not satisfied.’

Her icy irises narrow. ‘What?’

‘You’re still hungry.’

She strides past him and crosses her arms against her chest, she doesn’t turn when she peers out their only window, a dusty, near-shattered pane of glass. ‘Didn’t know you cared, what with your current plotting and scheming, darling.’ She means to snark at him, as she has been since his offering of their living arrangements several weeks ago.

She is right in a way, with all that’s set out for them to do and the faint prickling at the back of his neck that an imminent threat could suddenly derail his plans. Then there’s this; ‘There’s a lot I still care about.’

The scars marring half his face seem even more puckered and angry when he continues to grin, as though they fight against anything that feels unnatural.

She turns to face him, only to find him closing a sudden distance between them. She cringes at the space he invades at his super speed. ‘What is that–’

‘I know they’re trying to sway you,’ he says, and he doesn’t mention Cisco or his other self or even Julian by name, because he dangles a silver chain before her and that’s all it takes. ‘I see it happening, just like I see it in your eyes now.’

She’s looks wholly taken aback, and she must not know that there’s a perceptible quaking she’s mustering to hide. The ghost whites of her eyes flicker of a familiar darker warmth. All because he marionettes a diamond ring in front of her, weaved through the chain he clasps.

‘Remember, pain is what we share. They don’t know, they’ve not felt loss like we’ve lost, what was ripped from us.’ He near snarls at the thought. ‘If you stay, I can make you stronger.’

Having her live with him was, perhaps, a mistake. He knew, as he knows most things, the past and the future are clear to him. Though he resolves that it’s the torment of it all that suits him now. Even now, as he watches her take Ronnie’s ring, he knows down to his cold, cold core, where he knows no amount of kindling can survive. He knows that when she pierces him with her glare, and stalks off with the present he’s given her, he is content in this misery. With her, equally as broken.

This is how it starts.

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“Diplomatic Meeting” between the Scarlet Guard and Cal

This was requested by @dreams-of-feysand and @tiberiaschooseme also asked me to be tagged in it.

**Post KC fanfic**

Hope you enjoy!

Words: 1,446

Rating: PG-13 Some language ;)

Ships: Well it’s like, post kc epilogue (that never happened) so Mare x Cal AFTER breakup

(/ Cal /)

     I clench my jaw, thinking of how to continue. Remembering back to a few days ago, I sigh. Everything’s happened so quickly. Nanabel is already planning how to overthrow Maven, Evangeline and I are set to marry, and I’ll be King sooner than I know it.
     I thought that before anything, a meeting with the Scarlet Guard to set things straight would be incredibly important.
     Of course, Farley was the one sent to talk to me. A wise choice…The Scarlet Guard probably thought that the fact that I know her might influence me in some way. It won’t. I’ve got my propositions, they’ve got theirs.
     I didn’t invite them to argue, but it is time to tell them the things I’ve never said. The things I couldn’t say while staying with a base full of angry Reds ready to prance on me the first excuse they get.
     Hopefully, we can arrange some agreements.
     If not…

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Deep Space Nine RECAP: 6x19

Time to recap another fave of the hivemind! Let’s see what you guys picked for me this time…

[returns] Well gosh dang do you all ever love Benjamin Sisko In A Crisis Of Morality! DRAMA. ETHICS. And, new: INTRIGUE, which also goes by the name GARAK, thank u.

Season 6, Episode 19: ‘In the Pale Moonlight’

Curtain opens on Ben Sisko in his quarters, starting a personal log. I was about to take a sidebar about how amused I am by the whole concept of officers keeping personal logs, because every time one happens I think about how in the earliest days of TOS the writers clearly said to themselves hey, y’know what would be a convenient way to get our characters to monologue about their inner thoughts and feelings? A Starfleet culture of keeping audio diaries. Anyhow that device turns out to be THE ENTIRE FRAMEWORK OF THIS EPISODE, a-lol.

“I need to talk about this,” Ben says, out loud. “I have to justify what’s happened, what I’ve done. At least to myself.” Like, yes you first-person narrator of a Victorian horror story, take us back, make us understand how you will forever be A Changed Man after this Experience. What a classic opening.

[chuckling appreciably]

No one is chuckling in this first flashback scene though. It’s the grim weekly ritual of his crew filing in to check the list of Starfleet officers missing or confirmed dead that Sisko posts on the wall of the wardroom. Ben hates Fridays now.

Evidently the Federation is losing a lot of ships to Jem’Hadar sneak attacks from around the Romulan border. The Romulans had signed that nonaggression treaty with the Dominion a while back, and are apparently planning on turning a blind eye, not getting involved, and generally just sitting back and letting all their enemies destroy each other in their drawn-out war. If the Romulans were to join forces with the Klingons and the Federation, then maybe our guys would stand a chance against the Dominion, but as stands, they’re likely to continue taking these losses, possibly until they lose the whole thing.

Sisko has had it.

Personal Log VO: “That was the moment I made the decision. It was like I had stepped through a door, and locked it behind me. I was going to bring the Romulans into the war.”


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B is for Baby, Bye.

It may have been approaching my bedtime as unlike most people for me was around 9 p.m. thanks to being a mother who worked as much as I did. Work had been as tiresome as usual with me staring at the clock waiting for the time to tick until I was free and now I was stuck in my unusually lonely and quiet home, stuffing my face with all of the candy Julian had seemed to leave behind. I was sure it was a mistake but I didn’t plan on reminding him that he did.

Wired with sweets and treats, I knew I’d have to be up for at least another hour or moreso I wanted to be up another hour to finish the last few chapters of the book I had been trying to complete for the last few weeks. Now that I had a bit of time to myself, it was the perfect opportunity to sprawl out onto the king sized bed and drown myself in romantic literature.

With a lollipop in my mouth and a bottle of water in my hand, I grabbed the book off of the shelf with my free one and headed back upstairs to my sanctuary. Upon reaching the top of the steps, I could hear my Skype ringtone blaring out from my computer still set up open in the middle of my bedspread.

“Comiiiing,” I yelled as if the person on the other side of the call could hear me. I at least rushed my steps some so I wouldn’t miss the call, dropping my bottle of water onto the bed and turning the laptop to me so I could see who it was that was calling me before I answered. Seeing it was Julian, I quickly accepted the call before he could hang up.

“Took you long enough,” he huffed as soon as his face filled the screen.

“Wow. No hello or anything? Just a complaint? Same old Draxler. Where’s my baby?”

He pretended to be hurt while his mouth dropped with fake shock, clutching at the part of his shirt that covered his heart. “Wow,” he mimicked. “I thought I was your baby? Guess the romance is over officially.” Even with his dramatic sarcasm, he reached down out of the view of the webcam until he returned with the pretty little plump Julia, our six month old child.

One look at her and those cheeks and I was beaming from ear to ear and cooing like an entranced mother. “Awww. I miss her so much.”

“It’s only been two days,” Julian quickly reminded me.

“Two days is a long time to not kiss that cute little face. Juleeez,” I cooed her name to grab the attention of her wandering eyes but for the moment she was too busy staring up at her father as he held her in his lap in perfect view for me to see.

“She’s with her favorite parent. She’s alright.” Julian looked down at the small being in his hold and placed a kiss to her forehead. It made me incredibly jealous.

Being away from the two of them was turning out to be much harder than I thought it would be. I hated returning home to a clean home because Julian wasn’t here to drop his dirty clothing in the middle of the floor just so he could grab Julia away from whoever was watching her. I missed not listening to her boisterous cries when she was hungry or giving her her nightly bath.

With Julian completing a transfer to a new club, he had quickly found himself in a new city with about half of his belongings and our daughter who he insisted join him on the journey rather than staying back with me.

It wasn’t like we were going to be separated too long. I just had to complete another week of work and then I would officially no longer be an employee, able to finish packing up our belongings and move but that week seemed to be ticking away as slowly as possible. Being reduced to seeing the two loves of my life via webcam just wasn’t the same.

“Favorite parent? Right. Is that the favorite parent that fed her something with nuts in it though she was allergic?”

It was a joke but Julian quickly took offense as the protective parent he was. “I didn’t know it had nuts!” I giggled remembering the puffy cheeks of the baby as she took in the product and us freaking out as we rushed her to the doctor before figuring out what the problem was.

“I know, okay? I was just joking. But seriously you are not the favorite parent.”

“I am.”

I removed the lollipop from my mouth that had been tucked in my cheek obnoxiously as I talked. “What did you two do today?”

“Well I had practice so I had…” He began snapping his fingers, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to recall something. “What’s her name?” Julian questioned aloud.


He snapped his fingers with delight. “Sophia! Yeah her. She watched Julez while I was at practice.”

“How do you not know the name of the woman watching our daughter?” I laughed. I wasn’t too much worried about it considering she was someone I knew and also the wife of one of his new teammates.

“I can’t remember everything. I should have taken her with me. I think I’m gonna drop her off at the women’s team so she can get her medical too.” Still holding her up in his arms, he placed a mass amount of kisses to her cheeks.

Goodness, I missed those lips.

“She’s not playing football, Julian,” I sang out.

“And what will she play? Tennis like you? I don’t think so.”

“What?! Tennis would be great for her.”

“She can be anything she wants to be,” he said as he nuzzled her nose with his. “Besides a Bayern player. That’s where I draw the line.”

Conversation halted as the baby in his lap gurgled and soon released a mass of fluid against his chest, immediately causing Julian to groan and drop his head back with disappointment. “What is with you and my nice shirts, Julez?” His question went unanswered by the child though secretly I loved to think Julia absolutely loved throwing up on her father when given the chance or the upset stomach.

“Well. Gotta go. We love you. It’s bath time.” Julian stood up, careful with her in one hand and using the other to remove his now dirty shirt.

“Wow. Strip tease right before you hop off? Such a tease.”

“For about 30 million I’ll lose the pants too,” he chuckled. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And you too, Jul!”

gif credit to rawrzuhlind

The Mother of All PLL Theories.

In this theory I will tackle who Uber A is, who Charles is, who Varjak is, the Blonde twins, the Dollhouse, Labor Day, the Audrey Hepburn connections, who redcoat/black veil is, basically every question you have… I’m answering it in this post. If I can’t convince you who A is in this post, there’s no way to convince someone.

*Warning everyone ahead of time that tumblr wont attach the videos I uploaded, so I gave you guys youtube links to see the clips.

Charles is not Wren, nor Jason, nor is he Ted, Noel, Lucas, Andrew, or Ezra and here’s why:

Wren: Oh dear Wren, I’m going to make this one short, sweet, and to the point. Wren isn’t A, he never was, never will be and here’s why: The actor who plays Wren (Julian Morris) has been working on other projects since the filming of S6 began and even before that. He says he misses the cast, and it was also confirmed by @thatswhatAsaid that he hasn’t been on set. And, since Marlene has said that they made the hoodie extra large because they’re filming with the actual ACTOR now, purely by that he isn’t A. But, since I know most of the Wren is A people out there won’t accept that as an answer, here’s some more evidence that Wren isn’t A… 

1. He’s been with Melissa in England since season 4, and he was only IN one episode that season. We literally haven’t seen him since, and we can confirm he was with Melissa because in 5x21 Veronica called  him in the episode to set up meetings with Spencer at Oxford, which she attends. He’s also flatmates with Colin and Melissa, which were also confirmed. 

2. He’s never met Alison, he didn’t even come to Rosewood until the year after Labor Day when he came to the Hastings household as Melissa’s fiancé . 

3. He’s never been in a season finale, many of the most intense things happen during a season finale, it’s where we get answers and clues to who A is. 

4. He’s had hardly any scenes with anyone other than Spencer and/or Melissa. And, if he does have other scenes with the girls they’re most if not all medically related. 

5. Marlene said Big A wasn’t in the pilot episode, which also applies to Ezra, and Jason (Yes he was there, the character may have been re-cast, but he WAS there)

Now, was he ever on the A team? Quite possible, because we actually know how he helped them. In season 4 it was revealed that he and Shana were connected somehow, he was also seen talking on the phone with someone saying “You take care of yours and I’ll take care of mine.”  But here’s the thing, look at what what was happening around everyone, the past people that either helped A somehow, or crossed them in some way, either ended up run out of town or dead. Shana was a target because she was protecting Jenna from “A” (which I WILL come back to) and Wren and Melissa were both A’s target. Both Melissa and Wren did things for A and then they wanted OUT, this is mostly evident with Mona and Wren’s conversation in Radley. Wren asks how Mona feels about a picture and she just keeps brushing him off, Wren asks her why she stopped being honest with him, Mona replies by saying “That was before I realized where your loyalties were.” At this point, Mona had flipped sides, she was now on the liars team, and she knew Wren was helping “A” somehow, giving them access to Radley etc. and then… Poof. Hasn’t been seen since. 

Jason: This one is even easier to disprove. In the Season 5 ending, we see a video of Jessica holding a baby girl… She says to one of the boys “Want to Kiss your sister? Good boy, good boys” Now… In all Jason is A theories, Jason and Charles are twins. These boys are not identical twins. At all. Jason is Jason and Charles is Charles, he wasn’t murdered and switched at the hospital, he doesn’t have an angry twin out there somewhere. It’s also worth pointing out, Jason was tormented by A along with the girls i.e. getting dropped down a freaking elevator shaft, coming home and having booze cover his entire yard, and A made it even LOOK like Jason was A… Why the hell would he make himself look like A if he’s A… Also worth mentioning he had a reward out for information about Alison’s body, which A cashed in… To make the dollhouse. He was also Passed out drunk/high the night everything went down on Labor Day. Also, Drew Van Aker has been filming with the whole crew, including Keegan, Ashley, and Alison… Running AWAY from A in a car together (which I think was on snapchat? Someone can back me up on this one). So… Jason? Not “A” material.

Ezra: Easy enough to disprove… He was with the other bed buddies quite literally the entire time A was doing their thing. Oh, and Marlene said you would know if the liars or their bed buddies were A by the series finale. He was also writing his book since before he went to Rosewood, he was apparently such a bad sleuth he had to PAY someone to give him information on Alison and the girls… Information that actually turns out to be completely wrong.. Ezra? Not A. (And a god aweful writer… Seriously… )

Lucas: According to the video in the vault… Assuming one of the boys is Jason, and the baby is Alison. Lucas isn’t even near the age that Jason or Charles would be. Not only that, but Lucas hated Alison, was rundown by Toby, and he didn’t have a problem with the rest of the girls. Lucas? Not A.

Ted: Come on people… I know PLL may be confusing, but seriously this one may be more than a stretch than the Tippi the Bird is A theories. The whole anagram thing with the “Run Ali Ted is A” or something, do you guys know how many things you could spell out with Charles DiLaurentis? I’ll make this one simple too- In the season 3 Halloween episode, he was at home with Ashley all night while A murdered Garrett, planted Bethany’s dead body, and all around wreaked havoc on the girls in the Halloween train. That and there’s literally no motive. Does he even know the rest of the girls? Did he know Alison? Pastor Ted is a cool dude… But definitely not A. 

Noel: Also simple, same age as the girls and went to school with them long term… He helped Alison, doesn’t hate the girls, and has no motive. He also helped the girls figure out what happened to Maya after she went missing/murdered. So, Noel… You are NOT the A. (Try to say that in the “You are NOT the father” voice :D)

Andrew: Ahh the classic red herring… Simply put, while the girls were in the dollhouse old Andrew was tapping into Veronica’s calls at the Brew. He’s also the same age as the girls, so therefore disqualifying him from being Charles. But, I think he DOES have something going on, but it isn’t A related… It’s family related. The set decorater recently uploaded this photo… The DiLaurentis family own Andrew’s family farm, so he’s trying to get dirt on the DiLaurentis family, etc. and trying to get his family orchard back. Andrew? Sorry dude… Not A. (Although I will bet you a million dollars theyre going to make him look like A the minute Season 6 starts. Mark my words.)

And, just for the hell of it…. Toby, Caleb, Veronica, Peter, Ezra, and Andrew were seen together at the same time, Melissa was talking on the phone with Veronica so it disproves her as A, Alison is in Jail. And we’ve already been through the shit with Byron, it was disproved. Kenneth DiLaurentis is a freaking pitbull to anyone who even gets near Alison, not to mention he’s not even seen in almost the entire series, he just showed up when Alison was revealed to be alive. And I mean, the Fields are MIA pretty much all the time and A crashed a car through Emily’s house while Pam was in it. Ella got attacked by bees, poor Ashley Marin has been framed for murder and had to deal with Wilden, and don’t get me freaking started on what A has done to Jenna Marshall… Paige was already an A suspect, but she was being framed the entire time by Mona and Toby for Spencer to think she was A, she’s also in California. Eddie Lamb and Cyrus are probably as good as dead by now for what they gave up about A and what they know. 

So, now we run into a problem because… Wilden, Ian, Garrett, Shana, Maya, Jessica, Wren, Jason, Andrew, Lucas, Ezra, Caleb, Toby, PaigePeter, KennethByron, Ted, Wayne, Emily, Spencer, Aria, Mona, Alison, Hanna, Pam, Ashley, Ella, Veronica, Jenna, Noel, Melissa, Eddie, Mike, and Cyrus.

Ladies and gentleman, Charles is not a character we know. Probably because, he’s dead. D-E-A-D dead. When Marlene says “Charles is A” she’s kind of toying with people, he isn’t technically A, but he IS one of the main reasons for A being A. In true Marlene King fashion, she’s telling us part of the truth… But not the WHOLE truth. Now, above you… I just basically debunked every theory possible about a PLL character, all… Except one. Cece Drake. 

If you want to know how I think Charles is dead, head over to my other theory here: http://theplltheorist.tumblr.com/post/117074394589/charles-dilaurentis-is-dead

I think all of us know deep down A was always a woman. As Noel put it, “Guys have a fight, there’s a punch, it’s over. Girls don’t fight fair. They gang up, keep secrets, plot. They can cut you down with a look.” On the show, it was said and proved over, and over, and over, and over… A was a woman. The red coat, black veil, etc. even Mona said in the lodge fire, “I’ll never know who SHE was.” 

I mean literally over… 

And over…

And over…

Now, lets start at the (sort of) beginning… With Mona the “Original A” she was never THE A. Mona said she did it because the liars were taking Hanna away from her… I’m sorry but Hanna and Mona didn’t become friends until AFTER Alison disappeared. Mona saw something that someone was doing and wanted to do it too, and when THE A came back and stole the game from her, it was no longer Mona’s game. In fact, there was a moment in the season 2 finale that stuck out to me. When Mona fell off the cliff, failing to get Spencer on the A team, they descover that she’s alive and her watch goes off. It’s a very symbolic scene because that was the moment the game changed, her time as A was over.

Now, in season 2… They were introducing the character of Vivian Darkbloom, aka Alison/Cece’s disguise. Here’s the funny thing, Cece was there, they were slowly introducing THE A to us without even knowing it. Case and point, the phone number they found in the red coat. And even more telling, this scene in the 2x25 ending.

Now, that lady descending down the stairs in a full red dress and mask in TOTAL focus of the camera was 100% put there for a reason… And ready to blow your minds here? 5x25 an 2x25 parallel.

Also, if you listen to Mona’s monologue in the 2x25 finale… It’s two entirely different people talking: 

“I know they’re watching me. I don’t look bad considering. I like this lipstick, what’s it called? Toffee Tango?” 

“They think it’s over, loser Mona’s going to the nuthouse and those precious liars are going home to sleep with their windows open and their doors unlocked. Don’t they know that’s what we want?”

It goes from first person to third person and there’s a sudden voice change RIGHT when the conversations change.

Now, if you want more proof that Cece/Red Coat/Black Veil was introduced in season 2 and going on into season 3, you can read that here:


But, if all of that doesn’t convince you Cece Drake is, was, and always will be big A. Take these things into consideration:

1. Cece Drake came into the show knowing literally everyone and everything… And everything about everyone. The first CONVERSATION she has involves dolls, Melissa, the Liars, and a freaking quote Alison said to Hanna in the hospital. Oh and conveniently, she knew about Hanna’s shoplifting problem… Which not even Alison knew because she disappeared when they started. (Someone’s been talking to Mona in Radley, eh?)

2. She knew Alison was alive the entire time and proceeded to lie about it to everyone, saying Wilden killed her, giving Spencer’s name to Holbrook who in turn let her escape. Yeah, him going all creepernova just so happened to be quite LITERALLY after he talked to Cece. He also just happened to fall into a bunch of photos of Alison being Alive in Ravenswood after Cece conveniently just says “Alison, she’s alive. And I can prove it.” Cece just sold Alison out, with physical proof, while saying she killed Wilden, and told Holbrook that Spencer killed Bethany. You. Can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up. 


3. She was a master manipulator, using Paige and Alison’s history to make Spencer and the girls think she was A. Now, isn’t it so hilariously convenient that Cece would mention this RIGHT when Mona and Toby just so happened to be framing Paige as A under the direction of Redcoat?

4. Knew about the NAT club and what they were doing and what they were filming (Don’t you just love how the whole NAT club is dead and Jason and Emily almost died down an elevator shaft the minute they found the photo of Wilden, Ali, and Cece, therefore proving Cece was lying about not knowing Wilden?)

5. This is probably one of my favorite Cece scenes because of the context… The things that stick out the most? “No one knew she was… Dead” um yes honey, you knew she wasn’t dead, you knew the whole damn time.

And then the bombshell:

“It didn’t help that you broke up with me the next day” –J

“I had my reasons.” –C

“Care to explain?”-J

“I really don’t think you want me to do that” –C

So, Cece just happened to break up with Jason unexpectedly the day after Alison went missing (and the day Sara Harvey was abducted) and then all of a sudden… Like a magician (see what I did there?)… Uber A disappears and Mona took over as A the year after. Then suddenly, the minute the girls find the red coat in season 2, it begins again. Uber A makes arrangements to come back and Red Coat arrives in all her glory to steal the game back in season 3. Conveniently, in season 3 someone else came back to Rosewood abruptly for no reason whatsoever, Cece Drake.

It’s also worth mentioning again how this means Jason isn’t A, just from the scene alone where he’s fighting with the person who he paid 50k to give him info on Alison’s body whereabouts that A stole (with Mona’s help). He thought Ali was dead, he thought her body was stolen, and he was still struggling with her “death” long after it happened.


Bonus Points from that little “You know there’s a liquor store around the corner. maybe you should stop by and grab a drink.”



Nice one, Cece.

6. Cece has a thing about masks… I mean she REALLY has a thing about masks…

It’s oddly convenient that Cece and A are the only ones who have been shown to have Alison masks. She also just had them handy during the Christmas episodes to help herself and Ali slip out… Which we STILL don’t know where they went off to. And when you think about it, who the hell did Ali do that mask thing for?

7. Redcoat/Black Veil okay, there has been so much confusion with the red coat and black veil thing. I’m going to make this nice and easy for you. They’re the same person. Same person, different alias/different disguise. Red Coat stole the game from Mona at the end of 2x25 when Mona first got into Radley. She says to the red coated figure “I did Everything you asked me to”

Now… Later on in season 4x01 when Mona told the girls she saw Cece and thought it was Alison and she couldn’t remember what they talked about because they changed her meds, Marlene says Cece was never there and Mona imagined it. I call complete bullshit because of the things that happened in 3x23… Wren finds Spencer in the childrens ward of Radley and he sees that she found Cece’s and Mona’s visitors pass. Wren authorized the pass Cece had, saying he was almost suspended for it, Cece was apparently desperate to see Mona and Cece told him that she could help Mona heal because she went through the same sort of thing with Alison getting her kicked out of UPenn and came out the other side. Read that again. Alison, whom Cece basically has “protected” and “helped” since forever, was the one who hcaused her to have a mental breakdown… Which is confirmed ALSO in the episode 4x10 when Aria went to meet with Cece’s roomate. Somehow, the roomate knew exactly who Aria was, saying Cece hated them all for their part in getting her kicked out of UPenn, saying it stayed pretty fresh in Cece’s mind. 

From everything we’ve seen and know of Cece, they contradict. What she acts like is not necessarily what she thinks like. Except when threatening people, like in 3x07 when she threatened to claw Jenna’s eyes out, knowing very well Jenna was in fact blind before, or going straight for Jason’s weakness; his drinking.

8. Now, this is something I think people are going to enjoy a lot. A has a pattern, yes, a pattern. Hitting people on the back of the head. I will list the number of people hit on the back of the head: Alison, Bethany, Jenna, Toby, Hanna, Shana, Officer Barry Maple… Speaking of Jenna, Shana, and Officer Maple, in 5x01 Holbrook reveals that Cece escaped custody and officer Barry was found knocked unconscious on the side of the road and escaped. And as for Jenna, well… In 4x09 Jenna was hit on the back of the head and almost drowned. Conveniently, when Spencer asks Shana who Jenna is afraid of, she replies “Cece Drake” you know what else is convenient? This look Cece gave Jenna when Spencer was playing truth in the exact same episode before she was bashed over the head. Later on, Shana suffered the same fate after it was revealed she was protecting Jenna from her.

9. Audrey Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn references EVERYWHERE. Lets start with a NEW Audrey Hepburn movie that was actually referenced in season 3, before Holly Golightly/Varjak was even mentioned. Remember that anklet Alison had on in 3x06? The one Spencer and Jason find at April Rose antiques? So, there’s an old Audrey Hepburn film called “Love in the Afternoon” well, here. I’ll let the scene talk for itself:

Now, in the PLL version, Spencer has a flashback of her and Alison talking. Spencer notices the anklet and asks if it was from one of her nameless boyfriends, Alison replies “no” and says it’s from a friend. When Spencer asks which friend, Alison coyly replies “You don’t know her” and from the look of the anklet… You should know exactly who it was from.

Now, onto Holly Varjak, Cece was literally dressed EXACTLY like Holly Golightly (Varjak) when she left for Paris… As Vivian Darkbloom. (They even recreated the SCENE)

In the Audrey Hepburn references they make, such as “My Fair Lady” (I’m a good girl, I am) “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” (Holly Varjak/Golightly), and “Love in the Afternoon” (Anklet) Audrey is a somewhat promiscuous character who is being molded by a more powerful character in the story lines, they mold Audrey into what they want Audrey to be. Just like what Cece was doing to Alison. Alison didn’t even KNOW about the Varjak passports or who Varjak was. Speaking of Cece leaving, it brings me to my next point.

10. Cece knows all things French, she can speak it, act it, and apparently she’s an Edith Piaf fan, evident by her very dramatic depatrure in 5x01 while she was in the airport, dressed as Holly Golightly/Varjak… While an Edith Piaf song plays… As she speaks fluent French…. And not just ANY Edith Piaf song, “Non je ne Regrette Rien” roughly translated it means “No, I regret Nothing”. Why would they play this song as she’s leaving… Really, why? Oh and heads up, when Cece left, there was NO A ENDINGS FOR 5 WHOLE EPISODES. Varjak and Piaf go together. Every time. Just like when Emily found the number on the  pizza box at the Varjak house and called it, the caller on the other side played Edith Piafs “Sous le ciel de Paris”

11. Cece’s literal JOB was dressing people up in a boutique like dolls, and she enjoyed it entirely too much. Not to mention, Spencer was attacked by a snake, convenienlty while Cece went to “check on things”. Paige was also framed in the boutique because someone slipped Maya’s earring into her bag, because I mean whay the hell not? She already has Spencer where she wanted her, telling her that Paige and Alison faught and painting a bad picture of Paige. And when I mean she loved to dress people up… I more or less mean she wants to dress them up exactly how she wants them to look… From hair to dress to shoes. Sound familiar?


12. The girl was seriously getting money from everywhere, and when she wasn’t talking about it, she was making plans to get it. Hence the fashion show that she put together, and also the fact that Ezra was paying her literally thousands of dollars for information on Alison (revealed in “Now You See Me, Now You Don’t). Information that got Ezra nowhere with because Cece was controlling everything Ezra knew did and din’t know. They made it an actual point to show that Cece needed “serious cash” as she put it. Cash for, I don’t know, building a dollhouse for a year or so? And if you want my honest opinion, I think she got Mona or Toby to retrieve the 50k that Jason was offering for information on Alison’s remains. Also in the episode “Bring Down The Hoe” as Ashley Marin is hooked for Wilden’s murder, Hanna gets an envelope full of money in her locker with a note that said “Maybe this can help your mom”. Later at the dance, Hanna meets Travis who tells him that it was HIM who put the envelope in her locker. Travis said he saw Ashley Marin drive off when Holbrook called to get the car out of the lake. When he arrived, he heard gunshots and saw a blonde running through the woods, he got so scared he ran back and left his truck. Later, the truck mysteriously arrived with an envelope full of cash, in the same envelope from Diva Dish… I think Cece was hoping a bribe would shut Travis up, but it didn’t.

Ezra was also paying Cece thousands of dollars for information on Alison, even though she knew exactly where Alison was the entire time. (Revealed in Now You See Me, Now You Don’t) 

Unfortunately, when Ezra realizes the lair he had in Ravenswood was visited by the girls, Ezra realizes Cece led them there (Well it was Alison but Cece had to say it was her so he wouldnt know she was playing both sides). And in 4x16 Cece told Ezra she was done helping him with his book, Ezra then blew up about the girls seeing his lair and leading him to nothing- Cece screwed him over.(Side note: Exactly how many cars does Cece have? The Bug, Red Convertible, and this one?)

13. Alison has always been Cece’s favorite. No other character on the entire show could say that about Alison. She also has a love/hate relationship with her, just like A does. She tortures Alison, but Alison is still her favorite, even after Ali got her kicked out of UPenn and god knows whatever else. She acts as a mentor and big sister figure, however bad it was for Alison to be following her… Alison was her mini-me in every possible way… Only Cece was insane and obsessed with her friendship. From going to Radley dressed as Alison, to daring Eric Kahn to steal a car (when she called the cops on him while he did it) to murdering Wilden, something is VERY off about her.

14. She has: A black hoodie, black leather gloves, and boots. (Which STILL HASNT BEEN EXPLAINED BTW!)

A Red Coat and Alison mask.

And then… We’ve got episode 3x03… Red Coat BUYING black hoodies and gloves for a team.

15. Mrs. DiLaurentis, poor Mrs. DiLaurentis. Okay, this one isn’t as complicated as everyone thinks it is. Okay so I need to list you a few things that happened leading up to 4x24 when Mrs. D inevitably dies. 1. In the episode “unbridled” 4x23 Mrs. D has bought clothes for someone from Neilan’s department store (the same one from the yellow tops and oh so conveniently the name of the “lawyer” that A hired to fake out the girls?) and later during the episode, Mrs. D hands off a suitcase to someone in the woods. Spencer sees this and follows, soon enough she follows who she thinks is A into the woods, but that A did NOT have a suitcase. So, there were two out that night. One was Cece, the other was Shana. You know how I know? Cece is seen in the very next episode in the exact shirt that Mrs. DiLaurentis bought her and she’s arrested for the murder of Wilden. Someone turned her in… Shana. Shana witnessed Cece shooting Wilden, and that is backed up by Travis’ testimony. Now, in 4x24 as Cece is being led out in handcuffs, Jessica and Cece exchange looks… They look like both of them are hiding something. Jessica finds out that Alison is alive. That’s not good for Cece. Hence the “I can’t protect you anymore” email that Jessica was going to send to someone. Now, how do I know that was meant for Cece? Because it was meant for the person who forced Jessica to bury Alison. When Cece hit Alison, Jessica rushed out, Cece then forced her into burying Alison, all while saying “What have you done” over and over. Jessica, should she ever rat Cece out, would be taken down with the ship as well. Jessica buried Alison alive, the MINUTE Jessica was told that Alison was alive, that was the moment she was off the hook. But, Cece was on it, Cece was the one who hit Ali over the head, and Jessica was going to exose her for what she did. Another thing, Alison gets a text video from A saying “I buried her the same way I watched her bury you” with a video of A filling up Jessica’s grave. So, whoever hit Alison, killed and buried Jessica. And if it were Jason, why the ever living hell would Jessica protect him, causing him to murder her to keep quiet about it? You don’t say “Oh, my son accidentally hit and made me bury his sister so naturally when I find out my daughter is alive, I will rat them out after protecting them for this long.” No. Nope, no, nien, niet. She was being blackmailed.

16. Mona… Ahhh Mona, my favorite pseudo-psychopath and Alison doppleganger at the moment. Mona had a plan for trapping A, the mistake was underestimating A. First rule of PLL, you DO NOT understimate A. The minute Mona switched sides in the fire at the Lodge, she was a target for A, if there’s anything on this show you don’t want to do, it’s get in A’s way. Hence why she tortured and almost killed Hanna by leaving her in the fire (now that red coat blow torch scene makes sense, right?) A knew all about Mona’s little plan to “trap” A. And there’s the thing everyone pointed out, in the 5x12 finale, you can tell that theer’s a real blonde and a fake blonde going up the stairs. The fake blonde was the set up for the cameras, I think the real blonde slipped Mona something to go into a coma-like state and kidnapped her after the entire thing happened. Cece (or Varjak/A/whatever) calls Cyrus to tell Ali to meet him in the woods, which he never shows. Ali waits for housrs alone and when she gets back she realizes Mona was “murdered” A told Cyrus to ask Ali in the middle of nowhere because she needed to give Alison absolutely NO alibi when the police ask her about where she was when Mona was muredered. And, it works. 

17. Cece is connected to every freaking event in the show, from the lodge fire, killing wilden, labor day weekend, Vivian Darkbloom, the first secret, the passports, Radley, Jessica, Alison’s dissapearance, Paige and Alison’s fight, Ezra being A, Mona being A, Spencer’s snake incident, if you think of an event… You can pin Cece to it in one or two steps. She was there Labor Day weekend, even Cece herself said she was there and met with Melissa, but she LIED when she said she talked to Alison after because Alison was hit over the head after Melissa and Cece’s little talk. Oh, and Jason was just dropped down the elevator shaft the minute after he said Cece was there that night Ali went  missing and after they discovered Cece knew Wilden. Which she lied about, again. While at the same time Emily and Jason found out, Cece left Wesley and Aria at the boutique for literally hours, when all of a sudden Aria gets a phone call from Cece  as she’s sitting in her car, yet she tells Aria she got her car towed. The Same. Time. As. The. Elevator. Accident.

18. Cece and “Charles” have an odd habit of disappearing…

19. Cece was prom queen the year Melissa and Ian went to prom, aka the one they recreated in the dollhouse.

20. She was at the Ice Ball, and according to the photos A had in the dollhouse, they were there as well. It was also when the liars found the Varjak passports in the DiLaurentis house and the fake Bethany Letters that framed Alison… Annnnnnd also when poor Hanna was knocked unconscious… Again.

21. She was there Labor Day weekend and there the night everything went down… Yet we still don’t know why the hell she was there dressed up as Alison. She knew about the flash drive, Alison and Spencer fighting, Spencer’s drug problem, Melissa, and where Alison was the entire time. When Emily asks Cece why she lied about being there when Alison disappeared, Cece said Melissa called her about the flash drive and asked Cece to talk to Ali and get them “so I did” and that’s again where she’s caught in a lie. That never happened. Alison locked the flash drive away in a storage unit and gave Emily the snowglobe with the key earlier that day. So… What the actual hell was she doing there?

Labor Day Weekend and the Building of the Dollhouse

This part of the theory is going to reflect what I think happened Labor Day and the night everything went down. 

As I watched 6x01 I noticed something peculiar, when they showed Sara Harvey in her room there were little notches tallying what I can only assume is every day she had been locked in the dollhouse. From what I counted, she has been there since the day she went missing, which also means that the dollhouse had to have been built before Labor Day… But here’s the weird thing, that room she’s in looks like absolute crap compared to the rest of the dollhouse. This means the rest of the dollhouse with the liars rooms, high tech equiptment, etc. wasn’t built until AFTER everything happened Labor Day, and the dollhouse where the Liars rooms were started construction in Season 3 when the game was stolen from Mona. And to build those rooms, you’d need a hell of a lot of money to do it. Okay so now lets get into the Bethany Young death and why she was there Labor Day. According to episode 4x10 “The Mirror Has Three Faces” Hanna and Spencer talk to Jessica about Dr. Palmer. They ask Jessica if Dr. Palmer was her doctor, when she says the name sounds familiar she says “If I know who you’re talking about, I have only met him once” They then go back in a flashback. Jessica comes storming in, obviously agitated, when Alison asks what was wrong Jessica replied by saying “I get a phone call this afternoon ‘we have your daughter here,’ they tell me.’We think she may be a danger to herself. She wants to stay here.’ So I run about three stop signs. I’m trying to get your father on the phone. I’m terrified that you’ve hurt yourself. Then I get there she’s dressed head-to-toe in your clothing, but it’s not my daughter sitting in Radley.It’s Cece Drake.” And this is where it all begins. So as we know, Bethany Young was a patient in Radley- we also know from that scene, Cece had been in Radley also. That’s where she met Bethany and started to think of a plan… A plan to kidnap Alison and keep her in the dollhouse. So from what we’ve heard on the tapes from Bethany’s time in Radley, in 5x12 Bethany said “I thought she really liked me but everthing she said to me was a lie. Every word, every visit was a lie. I wonder if I can trust anyone in that family. Is it like mother like daughter?” Cece had found Bethany while she was in Radley, she called herself “Alison DiLaurentis” the two bonded but she was feeding Bethany lies, saying Jessica was dating her father, prompting Bethany to become violent towards Jessica. This is why Jessica freaked out when she got a phone call from Radley and told Alison to stay inside, Jessica knew Bethany was violent and could possibly hurt her. Cece had given Bethany the yellow top and Alison bracelet that night because Bethany was going to serve as Alison’s body double, and as Alison’s “murderer”. That’s right. That’s also why Alison, Bethany, and Cece were all wearing the same outfit on, should anyone see one knocking the other out, no one would know who is who. The plan was to kill Bethany, bury her in the Alison bracelet and clothes, then kidnap Alison to put her in the dollhouse, everyone would think Alison was dead and Bethany killed her but instead… This happened: Cece knocks Bethany out with the shovel, she hides her body in the bushes and hears Spencer and Alison fighting. After that fight, Melissa investigates and sees Bethany’s body, Melissa then moves Bethany’s body and starts burying her in the gazebo. At that time Cece probably went back to where she left Bethany, when she realizes Bethany is missing, she thinks Bethany may have regained consciousness and probably goes around looking for her everywhere. Then all of a sudden, she sees Alison walking back to the house, and from behind- Cece thinks Alison is Bethany. Cece picks up a rock and knocks Alison out so hard she probably thought she killed her, which is exactly what she wanted to do to Bethany. Jessica witnessed it and Cece forces her to bury Alison there, her entire plan had backfired on her and the only thing she wanted out of that night was the one she almost killed. So, with Bethany dead and Alison on the run, Cece picked Sara up the next day to be her Alison in the dollhouse and there she stayed… For the two years she said she was in California she was keeping Sara in the Dollhouse. Again, someone who was in Radley showed Mona how to get IN and OUT of Radley, someone who had been there before showed her how. Someone who is A also has to know where to get all those yellow tops, and whoever A is set Alison and Bethany up, and I can guarantee you… Cece was NOT one to be tricked, she was the one to set it up.

Who is Charles DiLaurentis? Who are the blonde twins? Why is Marion connected to all of this?

Now, this is the tricky part. Cece has to somehow beconnected to Marion, Bethany, Charles, and Sara as well. Something that always stood out to me is exactly A’s relation to Marion and Toby, A actually HELPS Toby to find out what happened to his mother in Radley. Now, you wanna hear something funny? Cece is the only character on the show other than Mona and Spencer who we know was actually ever admitted into Radley and is still living. Ever. Marion and Bethany are dead. If you want my honest opinion, I think Cece knew Marion and Bethany, Bethany may have been the one to kill Marion Cavanaugh, which Wilden and Jessica proceeded to cover up. Now, who is Charles to Cece? I have a theory for that too, if you remember a long time ago we were told a story of twins, blonde twins. This is Cece’s story, she was the blonde twin that stabbed her sister and she was then put in Radley for it as a child. There, she met Marion and Charles. I believe whoever Charles was in the DiLaurentis family, he may have been violent towards Alison, possibly being the one to break Alisons arm when she was younger and was then put in Radley. Marion was a nurse at Radley, she cared for Cece and Charles, they all became very close.Jessica also went on the board in Radley, she probably did it behind Kenneth’s back to see Charles, there she met Cece and noticed how close the two children were. This explains the yellow dress from the PLL Christmas episode, Jessica was buying presents for Cece and Charles for Christmas and if Kenneth found out, he would leave them. So, since Marion cared for Cece and Charles and acted as a guardian, Cece figured out that Bethany was the one to murder her… That’s why Cece chose Bethany to kill and take in Alison’s place as a body. If any of you wondered why Jason didn’t have any baby pictures/pictures when Jason was little… That’s why. Charles was in it with them. I think honest to VanderJesus truth is that the DiLaurentis family had something to do with Charles’ death. 

Spread it like wildfire.

UPDATE: I had no idea how fast this theory was going to spread, I appreciate every single question and comment and I’m so glad you love it, and even if you don’t agree with the theory completely, I really appreciate you taking some time out to read it :) 

If you want to follow/talk with me on twitter, my twitter handle is @RWatkinsphoto

Creepypasta #961: A Story About Julian

Length: Super long

When people find out I write horror, they always ask me, “What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?”

And I reply, “Probably the time I slipped in a hot tub and had an out-of-body experience. I almost drowned!”

But that’s a lie. That’s a lie I’ve been carrying for years and years now.

The scariest thing to ever happen to me goes like this –

There was a boy.

The boy’s name was Julian, and I was the only real friend – or as close to a friend as he could manage – he had, simply because I knew he was wearing a mask.

I know that you can’t really diagnose anyone under the age of eighteen as being a psychopath or antisocial or whatever, but there was something about him and I just knew.

Once he realized that I knew, Julian dropped the mask. I think he liked having someone to talk to without putting on the airs of being normal. I was a quiet person and a vault of secrets, even when one of the most popular boys in school was confessing all the manipulations and lies he spread in order to engineer some of the crazier drama at our high school. 

I’ve wondered about his motivations. Most of the people he embroiled in all of this were people he liked, at least on a shallow level, and when I asked once, he simply shrugged and said, “I wondered how they would react.”

And that was that. Like a scientist watching the movements of rats in cages.

He never thought of me like he did other people. He’d wind other people up, creating chaos with a casual word, and I’d get the commentary from my prime seat. I was his friend, his confidant, the one person he could be himself around. He was always confident and bombastic, with his megawatt smile and unreadable eyes. I accepted his attentions, because it was easier, and Julian rose to new heights.

Everything was fine for a while, before Caleb moved to town.

Caleb sat behind me in calculus, a bean pole type boy with acne and unflattering wardrobe choices. I did not really notice him at first – Caleb’s the sort of boy that blends into the background. I’m not entirely sure how he managed to sit quietly on the edge of Julian’s circles and circles of friends, but he ended up there and like so many, he fell for Julian’s lure.

Keep reading

Max Warren

Sorry for the long opinion piece but I couldn’t stop myself.

Just wanted to get this off my chest. I understand why people are not that into the whole McxMax relationship he really hasn’t shown us any reason (especially in the main quests) to believe he’s anything but a self absorbed jerk. But I think some people are ignoring the fact that Julian, Mia and Kara were no angels themselves.

Now we never really got to see Julian’s full on bully side but in the beginning he definitely had some anger issues and would often resort to violence (or attempt to as our MC usually stopped him…) not to mention Nishan was pretty much terrified of him before they worked out their issues by playing chess together. We only ever really saw the redeemed Julian working to be a better person which is why he is now so likable.

Mia we saw a little more of her mean side and then she got a whole redemption quest where she literally went around and apologized to everyone for the mean things she had done. Her bad behaviour was attributed to being under Kara’s thumb as well as her family’s general attitude (which, after completing the date,  seems to be pretty messed up). Now we see her as this badass cheerleader that can stand up for herself and others around her.

Kara’s storyline I don’t really recall in great detail but she was terrible to everyone at our MC’s school and I’m pretty sure one of the things she said her and Max had in common is that they used to make fun of people together (and the way she said it as something positive in their relationship means she probably enjoyed it). I know one argument is that Max was probably really sweet in the beginning of their relationship and then showed his “true colours” but this makes me think that they were both on the same level. Kara also said that Max only ever cared about her being head cheerleader but do you think (at that time in her life) she would have dated him if he wasn’t the star football player? The whole Hearst School seems to be pretty into status. Now, and I don’t really remember how this all went down, but all of a sudden she has feelings for Nishan? I can’t imagine she was all that nice to him at Hearst but people seem okay with their possible relationship.  Again this bad behaviour seems to be blamed on her relationship with Max which honestly seems a bit like a cop out because she was mean to our MC even without him around and was especially terrible to Payton which I doubt was something Max wanted or even cared about.

Which brings me back to Max. He comes from and wealthy well connected family and he’s the big man on campus and he acts like a complete asshat but that’s the ONLY side we’ve seen from him. Mia even admits that he was really good to her when all their family drama with their mom was going on. After the date it seems to me that he is probably putting up (a bit) of a front. There’s no denying he’s cocky and self-centered but that doesn’t make someone a bad person (annoying, maybe). It’s clear from both Mia and Max that their dad puts a lot of pressure on them to be the best at everything and to win at all costs. Now I can’t imagine that wouldn’t mess with most people. Mia has had a chance to get out from under her Dad’s control and see that there are more important things than winning. Also I imagine with Mia’s transfer the pressure on Max has increased 10 fold which may explain his escalating cruelty towards our MC and Friends. I am not excusing his behaviour (especially at that party we had to throw him) but just trying shed some light on why he acted so over the top. His father probably hates our MC and the school especially now that they got Mia to transfer there and I’m sure all Max hears at home from Mr. Warren is hate and anger towards them, and unfortunately Max is unlucky enough to still need his father’s approval. Mia has moved on, a bit anyway, but Max is still in the thick of Mr. Warren’s influence simply because all he wants is to make his father proud (like most kids out there) not to mention all his life his mean behaviour has been rewarded by his father, his school and everyone around him. It’s all he’s ever known and it would be difficult to pull yourself out of that cycle if no one helped you which is exactly the chance Julian, Mia and Kara have all had thanks to our MC.

I will say that if we don’t see some of the softer side of Max in the main quests it would be difficult to continue believing the date Max we have been introduced to, who for the most part treated our MC quite well. The mistakes that he made, for example pushing the kid into the pool, he seemed genuinely surprised that the MC wasn’t into it because any other time he’s done something like that everyone probably cheered and when he was shown to be wrong he admitted he overreacted and apologized (which is something Julian had to do for his temper in the early quests). And sure during bowling he is obnoxious about the win but I would be a liar if I didn’t say that I myself have a competitive streak that can get out of hand even if it is just a friendly game (I do have to actively try to keep it in check). So I suggest that Pixelberry actually starts trying to redeem Max in the main quests so that it is clear he isn’t satan himself otherwise I would agree they are promoting what would surely turn out to be an abusive relationship. To be clear I’m not asking them to turn him into some hopeless romantic I like his edge a little, I like rolling my eyes every time he says something so overconfident and ridiculous but at the same time smile at his pure confidence (and confidence is sexy on anyone). I’m a fan of the sarcasm and banter back and forth it can be fun especially because our MC can match him (personally I love a good argument). He also seems to be a loyal person and maybe right now he’s pledged his allegiance to the wrong team (think Draco Malfoy). He has good qualities but tends to channel them the wrong way. It can be scary on top when you can’t even count on your Dad to help you out if you fall from grace I mean look what he has done to Mia because she defied him.

Okay rant over. This honestly became longer than I ever intended. If anyone read this to the end whether you agree or not, thanks!

Tain: Is He Really A Monster?

Oh boy, look at this big ol’ can of worms I’m about to slice open! Let’s see how many followers I lose for this one.

It seems to be an almost universal thing in this fandom that Tain is hated. He was a cold, abusive, man who wouldn’t even claim his own son–or was he? Before I dive into this anymore I am going to say this: I do not condone abuse. Abuse is wrong. I’m not defending abusers. I am simply interested in laying out the information and seeing if we might be able to look at them in a more objective, logical, manner.

Fandom pretty much accepts that Tain is the Asshole of All Assholes, that he was abusive and unloving to Garak, and caused his claustrophobia, among other things.

The claustrophobia issue seems the easiest to address so I will attack that one first.

The commonly accepted thing in fanon is that Garak’s claustrophobia stems from Tain locking him into closets as a punishment when he was a child. I’ve even fallen into thinking this too as it is very easy to go along with these things when they are so widely reinforced.

But Jerry, you say, Garak SAID that Tain locked him a closet when he was a child. Yes, he did… Garak says many things, and very few of them are true. I think it’s very, very, likely that this was a lie and here’s why. Garak mentions the closet story as an explanation for his claustrophobia while he’s having a ‘therapy’ session with Ezri. Garak doesn’t like Ezri. He’s told her off before. He’s not an open person AT ALL. He has no reason to be honest with her. He’s far closer with his friend Bashir and he lies to Julian all the time. Do we REALLY believe that Garak is going to be truthful to Ezri during a therapy session? He’s already told her he doesn’t have daddy issues (I think he does, just maybe not the ones people generally think of) so contributing his claustrophobia to his father? He’s telling Ezri what she wants to hear. Garak knows how to play the game, and he’s playing it.

Furthermore, Garak speaks about the root of his claustrophobia another time, and oddly enough this seems to get ignored in fandom because… well… it’s accepted that it was Tain’s fault.

The second time we hear an explanation for Garak’s claustrophobia is when he’s ALONE, having a claustrophobic attack, and talking to himself. Now, in which scenario is Garak more likely to be truthful? When he’s in a ridiculous therapy session with someone he does not like nor trust (okay, who does Garak REALLY trust?), or when he’s alone and already panicking. It’s very difficult to lie when one is panicking, and what reason would he have to lie about that when he’s by himself? In this scene Garak mentions when he was held captive and the walls were moving/collapsing on him.

If we’re going to dissect Garak’s lies and truth… it seems pretty obvious which of these is more likely to be true.

Going on from the talk of Garak’s lies… we all know that Garak lies. We know to listen to him differently because any truth he is speaking is wrapped up in all of this other stuff. We know we can’t take it at face value and we have to tear it apart and really think about it to figure out the heart of what he is getting at.

I wonder how Garak learned to lie so well? Do we think that someone taught him these skills? Who would have been his teacher… obviously that would have been Tain. So if we know and accept that we have to read Garak with these special lie/truth goggles, then we probably should be looking at Tain in the same way. Ouch, right? If we give Tain that same glance… it might just show us something that’s not as big of a monster as fandom wants it to be.

Now, I’m going to give some examples of how this could be true when looking at Tain through ‘Garak goggles’.

Enabran Tain:   Oh, don’t thank me. I’m not doing Garak any favors. He doesn’t deserve a quick death. On the contrary, I want him to live a long, miserable life. I want him to grow old on that station, surrounded by people who hate him, knowing that he’ll never come home again.
Dr. Julian Bashir:   What a lovely sentiment.
Enabran Tain:   And it’s from the heart, I assure you. 

This sounds like a very awful thing to say about your son. Everyone hates Tain for saying this. We hear it and immediately want to punch him in the face because WE LOVE GARAK and we MUST PROTECT HIM. But wait…

If we are looking at these statements the same way we’d look at them if Garak said this things what would we see? After all, Garak’s said nasty things that we don’t believe as being true, right? Like his whole ‘I hate this place and I hate you’ speech to Julian. It’s not the best comparison because yes, Garak is coming down off of his wire, so he’s very angry and out of it. But nobody in fandom believes that Garak really hates Julian. So, back to this Tain thing. How much of what Tain is saying is true?

“I want him to live a long life. I want him to grow old.”

What if that is the truth in that paragraph? The truth that is surrounded by all these hard, cruel, cold things? Well WHY would someone’s father say that if they loved them? Tain’s the head of the Obsidian Order, that’s why. He talks about sentiment, how it cannot be afforded, yet Garak has always been his weakness.

The fact that Tain wants Garak to live is repeated again later on.

Enabran Tain:   Elim - promise me one thing.
Elim Garak:   I’m listening.
Enabran Tain:   Don’t die here. Escape. Live.
Elim Garak:   Let me guess - so that I can make the Dominion pay for what they’ve done to you?
Enabran Tain:   You wouldn’t deny an old man his revenge, would you?
Elim Garak:   I’ll do as you ask - on one condition: that you don’t ask me this favor as a mentor or a superior officer - but as a father asking his son.

Don’t die here. Escape. LIVE.

Tain is dying, and he says this to Garak. Garak’s next line makes me wonder if Garak is covering for Tain’s ‘weakness’ by saying ‘oh let me guess so I can make people pay’ and Tain remembers his mask and says, yes, you wouldn’t deny an old man his revenge, would you? If you listen to the tones of their voices during those lines it really sounds this little cover that they are holding up to remind each other that Tain doesn’t like this idea of ‘sentiment’. I’m not sure I’m explaining that well or not but… listen to the tone of voices there. Then Garak’s tone and demeanor changes to something very serious. He wants to address Tain as his son. Things are getting real, we’re lowering the mask a bit again because there’s not much time left.

Enabran Tain:   Elim - remember that day in the country? You must have been almost five.
Elim Garak:   How can I forget it? It was the only day.
Enabran Tain:   I can still see you… on the back of that riding hound. You must have fallen off a dozen times. But you never gave up.
Elim Garak:   I remember limping home… You held my hand.
Enabran Tain:   I was very proud of you… that day…

This conversation is always a hard one to watch. It’s painful. Garak does have his daddy issues. He would do anything to gain this man’s approval. He wants very much to please his father, and to have some sort of acknowledgement that he was a good son. Tain begins on this story about ‘that day in the country’. How can I forget it? It was the only day.

I always found the wording in the line ‘it was the only day’ a little odd. I couldn’t figure out why. It just seemed like a strange answer from Garak. But finally after puzzling over it, I think I may have figured out why. I don’t think that nice day in the country exists. Obviously that is my opinion, but again, we have to take into account how Garak lies, and who he learned to lie from, and both of these liars are holding a conversation with each other so what is really happening?

More double talking and tidbits of truth wrapped in stories, as Cardassians do. Garak asks Bashir to come to his shop and buy a suit, but that’s not what he wants. Another odd part of the conversation to me was always “I was very proud of you… that day”.  Everything Garak says is very deliberate all the way down to word choice, tone, inflection, and pauses. Tain speaks the same way. He adds on ‘that day’ after a pause that is pretty drawn out so that it almost seems awkward. Why the pause? Because he’s still keeping the little riding hound story going and hiding his truths in there. I think that maybe the important bit of the riding hound story is this:

You never gave up.

You held my hand.

I was very proud of you.

“You never gave up” is pretty self explanatory: Elim, you have never given up, no matter what has happened to you.

“You held my hand”: Enabran, you were my mentor, my teacher. You metaphorically held my hand.

“I was very proud of you”: Not just on ‘that day’. Really. I was very proud of you.

This is how Cardassians, or at the very least, how Garak and Tain speak. They speak in riddles, metaphors, pauses, nuance, and lies.

You may still be asking some questions, though. If this is possibly true that Tain is not this ‘monster’, then why did Tain exile Garak? Exile was HELL for Garak. WHY would Tain do that to him if he gave a damn?

To protect him.

But why would Tain refuse to acknowledge Garak as his son? He does this even on his death bed at first–’But you’re not my son!’ he says, in an almost panicked, NOT vicious or hateful, voice.

To protect him.

Being head of the Obsidian Order is dangerous. It is not only dangerous to that head, but it is dangerous to the family of that head, and anyone that person cares for. Cardassians are vicious and ruthless. How better to hurt your enemy than by killing off his child? Family is everything.

Tain denies that Garak is his son. But he doesn’t kill him (even though he says ‘I should have had your mother killed before you were born’), he does not orphan Garak and turn him out onto the streets, either. Tain keeps him close in his own home. Tain sets him up with parental figures. Even if Tolan isn’t Garak’s father, even if Garak’s parents are a lie, he still at least has these adult parental figures who care for him in his life. He is given a surrogate family. He is raised with food, clothing, and shelter.

Tain even makes sure that Garak has a future by teaching him himself, and bringing him into the family business, so to speak. Now, I’m not saying it’s a good thing to mold your kid into being a spy, assassin, etc. I’m not saying Tain did EVERYTHING out of the GOODNESS of his heart. Garak was useful to him too. Garak was a tool. Tain knew there was potential there and he wanted to use it and maybe it’s likely that he would have liked to have seen his son take his place as head of the Order when he was too old to continue. A lot of parents are like that–they put that kind of thing onto their child. 

In this way Tain kind of reminds me of a godfather–not that kind of godfather, but a mafia godfather. To outsiders that life seems harsh, ruthless, dangerous, not something most of us would want for a child, not something most of us would want our parents to do to us. But… this is just sort of what Tain does. If you’re a mafia boss or a career criminal you are used to training people to do these things, you are used to death, and violence, and danger. That’s just the life. That’s just the way it is.

This doesn’t even take into account that we’re speaking of a whole other alien culture here. It seems to me that Cardassians and humans do not often think the same way–different morals, values, brain wiring, cultural/societal norms, etc. Of course there are exceptions to anything. But out of all the Cardassians we see, how many of them seemed very concerned with the sort of morals humans do? How many of them seem to view death, or killing, in the same light as humans do? There are some, yes. But a lot of Cardassians seem to be just wired with this ‘do what you have to do’ attitude.

You do what you have to do to climb the ladder of power and gain respect if you’re Dukat. You do what you have to do for Cardassia if you are Garak, and Damar. You do what you have to do for your family.

Which leads me to one last thing.

Why does fandom really want to latch onto and support Garak’s ‘tragic backstory’? There could be many reasons. It is true that characters often become more easily to relate to when they have something like this, but maybe Garak doesn’t need it. Do people support it to give Garak an ‘excuse’ for some of his actions? Probably–but I think doing too much of that takes away some of Garak’s Cardassian-ness. Oh, I think a bit of it can be applied–as I said I do think Garak does have some daddy issues. I’m not saying that all of Tain’s choices were ‘good’ (whatever ‘good’ means) or that some of them did not give Garak some issues. It seems obvious that Garak REALLY wants yadek’s approval. He really wants to be a good son. He needed to hear before Tain died that Tain was proud of him–so one could conjecture it’s quite possible that Tain was not the type of mentor to tell Garak that he was proud of him, that he’d done a good job, and Garak has needed to hear it from Tain that he was a good son.

Garak’s drive is always that more than anything else I think–to be a good son to Tain, and to be a good son to Cardassia.

He doesn’t need a tragic backstory to excuse the things he has done in his past, or to make up for them, or to place the blame elsewhere. Garak has done horrible things. Does he feel guilty over any of them? Maybe. Probably. But he did them and why…

For Cardassia. Because Family is Everything. Because Garak is a Cardassian.

Is Garak a monster because he’s done these things? Yes, and no. Is Tain a monster for the things he’s done? Yes, and no. It depends upon whose eyes you are viewing from… from Federation eyes, or Cardassian eyes. Everything is subjective. I think if we take off our human-emotional goggles and re-watch these things while thinking like a Cardassian we will find that there is a LOT more to these stories and words than what meets the eye. Don’t accept every word as the truth. Read around it, above it, below it, behind it. To understand a Cardassian you have to think like one and if we do that… then I think we might find ourselves a little closer to the truth than we were before.

Predictions for The Dark Artifices

Now that I’ve had time to really process the book and breathe past my feelings, I started to (*big maybe*) realize something about Lady Midnight.

Without a doubt, I believe this story belongs to Emma. And Julian. And all the Blackthorns. Etc.

That being said, I couldn’t help but notice the little links Clare kept subtly pointing out between Emma and Jace (and honestly, Will). It was one of my favorite things about this entire book. 

*Spoilers past here!

As an example, Cristina points this out for Emma on their way back from buying their dresses. First she notes how similar (yet different Emma is) to Jace: “I heard about you. Everyone said you would be the next Jace Herondale. The next great Shadowhunter warrior.”

Emma argues against this and states that all she has is her training and revenge. That simply trying is all she is alone. Cristina argues back: “What you haven’t had is your moment. Your chance to be great. Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild weren’t heroes in a vacuum– there was a war. They were forced to make choices. Those moments come for all of us. They will come for you too.”

We know in this series Emma will have her moment–but something important to note about Emma at the end of Lady Midnight is that she is uniquely alone. And when I say alone, I mean *truly* alone. She is surrounded by so many people she loves, but she can’t tell a single soul the truth about her plan to break Julian’s love for her. This separates them from her, in the same way Will separated himself from everyone in the Infernal Devices.

I honestly think this will send her into a Jace/Will self-hate spiral– we already saw it when she told Julian they couldn’t be together. “She could feel him watching her, feel the weight of his pain. She was glad she could feel it. She deserved to feel it.” My heart ACHED for Emma right here. Because unlike Clary, Jace, or Will– Emma has NO ONE she can go to. And not only is she shouldering the burden of saving Julian and the Blackthorns alone (Mark semi-understands but not really), she has also been asked to take care of another Herondale.

What I would love to see is for (at some point in the series) others around her to recognize this burden. Or even to have Annabel Lee be the one to point it out in some hell-ish meet and greet. Could you imagine? Annabel realizing the best way to hurt the Blackthorns is to take away someone they love, like they took her away from Malcolm? Jem and Tessa watching a Carstairs pull a Will without his parabatai, only to have Annabel take her and point out that they were the ones to give her the idea in breaking Julian’s love for her in the first place? Jace and Clary recognizing the Jace-esk nature in Emma, when she throws herself recklessly in front of someone? Kit? Jace, perhaps?– in some epic battle where all of them team up Avengers style? Emma pushing the Blackthorns away in some manner, only to have them realize why? To have Julian realize why she did what she did?

She shoulders the burden of the families around her. A Carstairs that owes a Herondale, always. A Carstairs that wants to protect the Blackthorns at any cost– even her happiness. I just see so many parallels between her and Jace/Will, and I love that we’re seeing Emma’s perspective on things, and how she and those around her will react. To see the reverse perspective on Jace/Will, but in an Emma way. A warrior’s dilemma-way.

No matter what happens– I’m so emotionally invested in all these characters, and I can’t wait to see where this series goes. I absolutely adored this book as much as I have the rest, and will most likely be brainstorming possibilities until I have my hands on the next book a year from now.

And P.S. Cortana can cut through ANYTHING. HMMM. A parabatai bond, perhaps? :)

anonymous asked:

Niall and Melissa were spotted outside the club together but Niall looked like he was so completely done. Typically when you take your gf somewhere you look happy to be near her and actually walk close to her. Even if they were friends he would at least look interested in her existence.

Gosh, I lurked at some bigger blogs, people just really take the Melly stuff without even being a tiny bit questioning the narrative? No wonder they also fell for the media Zayn=bad boy stuff without hesitation… I wish Niall the best, but it looks pretty much like a set up and he doesn’t even look like he enjoys it in the slightest, more like doing just the bare minimum participation like you said.

There are pics of Niall and Deo arriving, and either they cropped Melissa out, or she wasn’t there. She doesn’t appear to be anywhere near him in every pic I’ve seen of Niall in the club. And yet, she’s right there as they’re leaving? This entire Niallissa/Nelissa/Nelly relationship screams “fake and set up” to me. What I don’t understand is how a large section of the fandom is unable/unwilling to see the obvious patterns being repeated here.

I have to agree, Niall is really not selling this Melissa thing for me. Zayn and Liam have done a better job with Zerrie and Sophiam, for God’s sake.

Agreeing with everything about Nelly, feels like a stunt Niall isn’t really into. It also definitely feels like there are two teams and no one knows anything like www(.)dailymail(.)co(.)uk/tvshowbiz/article-3055967/Maria-Fowler-trolled-posting-cosy-club-snap-Niall-Horan(.)html and www(.)mirror(.)co(.)uk/3am/celebrity-news/niall-horan-rumoured-girlfriend-melissa-5585288 They are reporting totally contrary things about the same thing 😂

thanks so much, it’s so hard finding somenone paying attention to niall as much as to the other four. with everything going on with larry & ziam so many are forgetting about niall & just believe everything they hear about him. niall is my fave so he always has my main attention even tho i believe in larry and ziam. it’s just so hard to find someone who cares about niall as much as i do and see the lie that all five of them are going through. larry aren’t the only ones who signed with a shit Mgmt

I’m glad to see so many people on the same page about Niall and Melissa, and especially to see so many people supportive of Niall XD

The whole club thing is definitely sketchy.  

  • First off, someone tweeted about Niall going to that club (one of the staff?), so we knew ahead of time there were probably going to be pictures.  
  • Second, if Niall wants to go out without being bombarded, he can do that.  We never get pap pics when he’s out with the LIC.  
  • Third, he’s looked perfectly happy lately and even in pictures in the club, but as soon as he’s out he looks far more upset than I’ve ever seen him in pap pictures.  Even when people mobbed Greg and Denise’s wedding, I’ve never seen Niall look so over it.
  • Fourth, we’ve seen drunken Niall before.  Anyone remember when he was all over Julian in a club to the point where people thought they kissed?  Niall is a cuddly, rowdy drunk from all accounts I’ve read and watched.  Him looking like someone died and walking several feet in front of Melissa shouldn’t have anything to do with him being intoxicated.
  • Fifth, no one remembers seeing pictures of Melissa near the club until Niall came out.  Who do we know who was supposed to be at events but was only in a very small number of pictures from the actual event? Sophia, for one.
  • Sixth, I imagine if Niall actually wanted to go public with a girlfriend, he would.  He would either announce it and hold her hand and act like a normal person in a relationship, or he’d do what he’s done in the past which is date without getting seen or papped at all.  
  • Seventh, even if Niall was being forced to make a real relationship public against his will, what good does him ignoring his girlfriend do?  It’s not going to endear her to the fans any if he looks unhappy and it probably won’t endear him to her when he ditches her continuously.  

All of you probably already knew that, but I like lists if you haven’t noticed ^.^;;;

My personal opinion is that the boys have learned from each other along the way.  It took Harry and Louis a little while to stop cooperating with their closeting and to learn strategies to undermine it.  Liam and Zayn benefited from that experience and got a head start on strategies to support each other and stay strong through their closeting.  It looks like Niall’s decided to take cues from late Elounor and act completely cold towards Melissa.  I don’t think he hates her, but he probably wants it to look that way.

As for the two articles that you linked, I actually think they give about the same message.  The top of the Daily Mail article is completely different, but it’s more about the woman getting harassed than any potential of her and Niall actually being involved.  The bottom of the article is the standard Niall and Melissa story we’re getting right now.

As for the fandom not seeing it, that’s same old same old.  The people who always swallow the narrative whole are swallowing it whole.  The people who know nothing about Niall and can’t see past their own favorite member are continuing to do that.  My current strategy is to ignore them as much as possible and try to create a mostly positive OT5 bubble around myself.  

You’re welcome to come into the bubble and chill too or to create your own if you want.  I rather like the idea of people who care about Niall forming more bonds in the fandom.  I’ve run across very few people who do analysis and are specifically Niall stans.

TDA and Love

Hi Cassie! I would be honored if you answer to a simple question, you say that Ty will fall in love in TDA and i would know if we already know that person, it his a new character or we know it thanks to TMI? I hope that you’ll see this and that maybe you’ll answer, thanks for your time. — cadiamocomelacrime

We don’t know the person Ty is going to fall in love with yet. (We haven’t met many ten year olds in CoHF and I think the ones we do meet are related to Ty, and I don’t really want to swim in that river again …)

IS CRISTINA GOING TO BE ATTRACTED TO MARK, OR MARK TO CRISTINA? I MEAN: ”Cristina held back from telling Mark that there was no world in which he didn’t stand out.” and you once said Mark has a love interest/parabatai. Thank you! — emmaxjules

Well, she could just be saying that because he has antlers or something. Who can say how he came back from the Wild Hunt? Cristina has a complicated love life, and so does Mark. Mark may even be carrying a torch for someone from Faerie. (Neither Mark nor Cristina have parabatai, though.)

Hi Cassandra Clare, thank you for your books you’ve written so perfectly and your imagination, which I fell in love it. A question arises after your previous answer me. I hope you can answer. It is about whether we will see in the book scenes where Emma be jealous of another girl in love with Julian? I appreciate your response and with love. Arely — atena-moon

Hi, Cassie. My name is Hayley and, like everyone else asking you questions, I’m in love with your books! I adore the way you write and I hope to be just as successful someday. I wanted to ask you if there’s a possibility for Emma and Mark. (I don’t know if this is how you ask. Hopefully it is.) I know it seems everyone is already shipping Emma and Julian, and their story will be amazing no matter the outcome, but they’re parabati. There is no romance allowed between them and I think they’re better for each other as brother/sister. My thought is, Emma already shows some interest in Mark. It could be good for Mark to help heal Emma’s wounds from the Emma/Julian romance and for Emma to help him get over his time in Faerie world. So, is there a possibility for them? I’d love for you to answer this, but even if you don’t, I’m just glad that I actually got up the courage to write you and that you actually read it!! Thanks!! — nerdygirly811

Sure, this is a fine way to ask. Ye olde ask box.

Emma does notice Mark is cute in CoHF, though he is sure spirited away before she can declare her love (and I’m mostly kidding: her thinking Mark is cute is a function of her growing up. We often notice older brothers, sisters, of friends first because they’re older, therefore admirable, and around, therefore nonthreatening.) 

Otherwise I’d just say slow down, pardner! We don’t know if there’s going to be an Emma/Julian romance for sure, or whether Emma will have wounds to heal. (Well, it’s me, probably everyone will have wounds to heal.) 

I guess I would say that Mark, after coming from years in Faerie, does not view relationships the way everyone else in his family does. “in love” and “monogamy” do not go together in his mind. If you went on a date with Mark, you could expect him to kiss everyone else at the bar. Everyone else.

Hi Miss Clare! I love all your books. You broke my heart into a million pieces, especially when I read Will’s death. Anyway, i’d like to ask, is it wrong to ship Mark and Emma? It feels really weird but idk, my mind is like, “Go Mark and Emma!” but I also ship her a little bit with Jules. It would be great if you answered my question haha thanks :D — mikaaaii

You can ship Emma with anyone you want. You can ship her with Mark and Jules. Though there really isn’t an OT3 to be had there given that Mark and Jules are related. 

It’s interesting to me because when people say “I hate love triangles!” (I mean, I clearly, am biased because I love them) they tend to remain drawn to triangulated relationships. Which is fine. For me, a love triangle requires two people to be in love with the same person and for them to have about an equal chance of securing that person’s love. But there are a million ways to triangulate relationships without actually having a love triangle. One, for instance, is to introduce jealousy, merited or not. Another is to introduce another person as an obstacle but not an equal love interest. If Tessa had loved only Will and felt obligated to Jem because he was dying that would have been a triangulated relationship but not a love triangle. Even a villain can triangulate a relationship. Wickham triangulated Elizabeth’s relationship with Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, but few consider it a love triangle: it however works as an important story engine! So even if you hate the love triangle, hate not the triangulation. It’s probably in a lot of your favorite romances. :)

*Sorry I gave a speech about writing love triangles to the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators and this stuff remains stuck in my brain!

Also: thank you guys for being so interested in the TDA characters so early on! It keeps me going.

anonymous asked:

Who is your favourite character from the secret history?

this NOT easy at all, since the thing i appreciate the most along with the aesthetic in that novel, is totally the complex nature of the characters - who i all love for something.

probably my “most favorite” would be charles. pre-murder charles tho, the charming, intelligent, charismatic, open-hearted boy with a scandalous secret - his relationship with camilla, which is the one and only and most important thing of his whole life. and that’s why i didn’t like really much his turning into this drunk, violent, anxious and lost human being. not that i didn’t appreciate his darkened soul; the thing i absolutely despised about all this was his behavior regarding camilla, his abusive and violent behavior towards the same twin sister he lived for and that he feared so to even hurt a little, touching her wound a few months earlier, while he was trying to help her. and moreover their ending, divided, alone, pretending not to live for each other anymore. that’s a thing i deeply hated about the final development of them both. i totally do not found it natural or even ok for them to live apart from each other.

i also loved camilla’s character. her being apparently so ethereal, and fragile, and kind, and quiet and then finding out during the bacchanal she was the first, the most furious, the wildest, the more lascivious of them all - discovering her incestuous relationship with her brother, discovering her uncanny love for henry. her violent desires.. she was really a revelation to me along all the novel and i’m really found of those contradictions in her soul. but again, without charles i think she lost her particular charm, the most important part of herself, so i totally do not get this development decision for them both.

francis is the one i can relate the most to tbh. he’s a lost soul too, but in a far less loud way. you can see it in everything he does and in everything he is, but never hear it from his mouth. on the contrary, he would always be the most perfect on the outside, elegant and charming, but easy going; intelligent and with a dark side too, but always trying to bright things up nevertheless. the one with a really desperate life background, but not in a way other people would notice easily. on the outside his life appears golden, his demons lies under luxurious carpets, in the twisted glimmering of black diamonds. his relationship with his mum, who refuses to see who actually her son really is to the point of making up even his flaws, even his imperfections - a drug addicted yes, gay never. there is huge tragedy in francis existence, made even more tragical to the fact that everyone seems to believe he has no reason to call it a tragedy. no reason to complain. no reason for wanting to die. and i think donna tartt here got really well the terrible reality of this condition, shared by so many people, and being dealt with in silence - the feeling of not being in right, even allowed, to suffer. why are you depressed? you are faking it obviously, you have no reason to be, your life is perfect, you are making a big deal about stupid matters.. that’s the most terrible thing someone could ever experience in their lives, not being allowed to suffer, to not being ok, to be themselves. and that’s who francis is. someone who’s never allowed to be truly himself, not in his sexuality, not in his virtues and not even in his flaws. and i love him realy much for that, because i know how it feels like.

and here we are with henry. for henry i had really contradictory feelings. i hated him when i started reading tsh. then somewhere in the middle i realized the first impression i always give to others and that many of my friends tried for years to explain to me, was actually the same he’s portrayed with. and in that moment, after having wondered why, i eventually started to truly understand him. because henry might seem the villain of the story, but he is not. he’s the real victim. henry is a cursed soul. he’s a genius, with the deepest intelligence, and because of that he’s always being awfully bored, awfully misunderstood and awfully alone. because everyone with a mind like that is always alone in his genius. and that’s a doom, something that makes you feel dead inside, something that sucks away every possibility of joy in your life. so obviously henry’s quest was to free himself from this terrible condition. how? finding someone more than him, desperately wishing to have found someone more than him, someone to look up to. and for him, this marvelous figure is julian. the eccentric, wise, charismatic ancient greek professor, finally someone to refresh his soul with, finally someone more intelligent, to entrust himself to. and when this most beloved and worshiped figure suggests you the most amazing and interesting and golden and honored of ways of distraction, summoning a god, being a god’s favorite, you obviously say yes. and when you do kill twice for an higher purpose, being someone like henry, someone bored to death by the inadequacy of his own existence if compared to his brain, then you feel finally free. finally your life has a meaning, finally the era you are trapped in opens its gates and you can finally be who you really are, starting to feel and to love and to like life for the first time. so his behavior in the all matter to me sounds like the most justified. when all the others did it out of fear of jail or as richard out of fear of staying in his poor condition forever, henry did what he did out of a tragic need of more. and that’s why in the end i did, deeply, madly, understood him. that’s why he’s the real victim. after having fought so fiercely to free himself, he found out it was all a lie. julian is not the higher soul he fancied, he’s a coward, using beautiful, ancient ideas to charm others, to be worshiped and nothing more. but at the same time, being so found of this idea of julian, to the point of not being able to stand the thought of having disappointed him at all. and then the suicide, the last attempt of redemption, maybe, but above all things, the final escape from the chains of his life, once again around his wrists. henry is the real victim. and really a beautiful soul, no matter what.

Divorce Party

Excerpt: I’d heard about this place from a couple of the women at work. They’d come for spontaneous ‘Ladies’ Night Out’ trips and gushed when they came back to work. Niall had brought me to a strip club. With male entertainers. Harry was a stripper.

Pairing: Harry Styles + OFC

Rating: smut with a storyline (oneshot)

Word Count: 4,774

Keep reading

Keep Your Eyes On Me: Ch1- Steroline Fanfic

A/N: this was a request from Twitter! It’s set after the FlashForward in 7x09 :) let me know what you think and enjoy!

“I’m coming with you.”

“She already has two people that I care about. I’m not going to let her have a third.”

With a quick kiss and thoughts racing through his head faster than they ever had before, Stefan drove away. She had Caroline and Damon. The two people he cared most about and the two who the hunter knew would draw him out the quickest. It worked.

Everything was different ever since Caroline had the twins, leaving Stefan and her alone, confused and praying that they would survive the upcoming events. Stefan knew just how much Caroline hated him. He knew how much he had hurt her, but what she didn’t know is why he had to leave. If there was one thing that he was going to tell her when he saw her again, that was going to be it. But first he had to get her back, no matter how much she didn’t want to see him.

Stefan drove quicker than he ever had before. The trunk was packed with every possible weapon that could be used against a vengeful vampire from hell, including Vervain-laced bullets, Vervain ropes, Vervain grenades and just about everything else that could have Vervain on it. He was prepared. This would be the end of Hanna’s domination over Stefan’s life.
He pulled up into the parking lot of Caroline’s news station and quickly gathered all of the necessary supplies to conquer what laid ahead. Even though Hanna needed to be killed once and for all, the most important thing right now was to get Damon and Caroline back, by whatever means necessary.

Stefan had called Bonnie and Enzo to tell them his plan. This way, Bonnie and Enzo could come get Damon and take him somewhere safe and secluded, so Caroline and Damon would be separated and Hanna wouldn’t have an opportunity to hurt both of them at once. By keeping them apart, they were damaging Hanna’s plan.

Stefan got a text from Bonnie saying they were waiting outside. It was time. Stefan crept inside the back door of the facility with a Vervain grenade in his hand and a loaded gun of Vervain-laced bullets in the other. There was complete and utter silence minus his own footsteps and the sound of his heart racing. Everything was dark, leaving the possibility of something or someone to jump out at any time and pounce on Stefan. After everything the three of them had been through, Stefan wasn’t going to let himself get killed while Caroline and Damon were still in danger.

A slight groan broke the complete and utter silence of the darkness that enveloped Stefan’s surroundings. Damon. Stefan walked carefully towards his brother’s body in the chair sat behind the news desk. He was chained up and drained of blood, clearly unable to move.

“Damon? Hey, stay with me.”

“Stefan?” Damon asked weakly, before falling into another unconscious state.

Stefan was just starting to break the chains that were keeping Damon hostage when he heard a familiar voice from behind him. A voice he had missed for a long time.

“I see you’ve found your brother. It’s a shame he couldn’t seem to stay awake long enough to help you kill me-again.”

Stefan froze. It was Lily. He blinked, making sure he was seeing things clearly.

“How is this happening? You’re dead, I saw you die. We all did.” The brunette circled around him as Stefan stood guard in front of his older brother.

“Do you really think it’s that simple, Stefan? You actually think I’m your mother?”

Stefan froze. The stone.
He pulled a stake out of his sleeve discreetly, then threw it as fast as he could at his look-alike-mother’s neck. She fell to the ground screaming, but to make sure she was one hundred percent immobile, he threw a Vervain grenade at her, making her burst up in flames. Problem solved. Stefan had no time to waste. Caroline was yet to be found.

Stefan quickly untied a still unconscious Damon from the chair and sped him out of the facility to Bonnie and Enzo’s car.

“He has werewolf venom in his system. If we don’t do something soon he’s dead.”

“I’ll look for a spell, we’ll figure it out.” Bonnie said while helping Stefan lay Damon in the back seat.

“Thank you,” Stefan spoke quickly. He shut the door behind him and was about to go back inside when he heard a last request from Bonnie.

“Hey, Stefan?”
The youngest Salvatore turned around to face the Bennett witch.

“Get her out. Safely.”

Stefan nodded and hurried back inside through the back door. Once again, there was silence. That is, until he saw Caroline’s face appear on the TV’s in the main news room. There was blood on the side of her face, running down to her collar bone as she pleaded for mercy. Someone was torturing her. He couldn’t tell who it was, but in a black hoodie they leaned over the back of the chair she was sitting in and poured Vervain onto her face, making the blond cry helplessly with piercing shrieks.

Stefan felt like a stake had just been driven through his heart. He wasn’t going to watch this any longer. He raced to each and every room, opening it to find each one completely empty. He was feeling hopeless, wondering if she wasn’t even at the news station any more. Until he heard a blood-curdling scream from the room at the end of the hall. The only room he had yet to check.

Stefan raced to the end of the hall with a weapon ready and busted open the door with all his strength. There she was. Covered in blood with Vervain scars from head to toe. Tears were streaming down her face when she looked up to see Stefan standing in the doorway. He almost melted when Caroline’s eyes met his. A flood of emotions roared through each of them in that instance. The sorrow and the guilt had never been more prevalent…but most of all Stefan knew he had never seen Caroline weaker that she was right now.

A voice awoke the two from their reuniting moment.

“So I see my plan worked,” the hooded torturer spoke, as she removed her hood to reveal that she was the hunter. Hanna. Just who Stefan had expected.

Stefan and Hanna met in hell, after Stefan had been stabbed with the knife by Julian. Stefan found out when he went through one of his ripper phases, he murdered Hanna’s family. Then she was turned by one of the Originals a few days later. He knew how much Hanna hated him, but he also knew her story. He knew that deep down, she was redeemable. She wasn’t pure evil. However, he was more than ready to kill her if she laid one more finger on Caroline.

“Let her go,” Stefan spoke immediately, a gun pointed in Hanna’s direction.

The hunter laughed. “Oh, now why would I do that?”

“Because you’ve got me. Your plan worked.” Stefan laid his gun down on the ground to show Hanna that he wouldn’t hurt her if she let Caroline go.

“Because I’m the one you want, not her. She doesn’t deserve this.”

“Really? She doesn’t deserve to die after loving the most disgusting creature that’s ever walked this earth? Hm?” Hanna was now dragging a knife along the side of Caroline’s face. The blonde’s eyes shut from fear. Stefan stepped closer and slowly reached for another gun out of his back pocket as Hanna was turned around, unable to see Stefan’s actions.

“She doesn’t deserve to die after loving the man who killed my family?” She made a long, deep cut from Caroline’s shoulder down to her wrist, making Caroline scream at the top of her lungs.

“Who killed my husband?” Hanna yelled angrily, gearing up to stab Caroline in the stomach, when Stefan raced in front of her and pushed Hanna against the wall, holding that knife to her neck.

“I’m sorry. Truly, I am. But I’m not going to let you make the same mistake I did. No matter how much I want to see you dead. No one should have to live knowing that they killed someone who was loved.”

Hanna looked down, suddenly seeming like she was sorry. Maybe even sad. “Just let her go,” Stefan whispered, slowly lowering the knife. Hanna sighed and closed her eyes, looking up at Stefan with a regretful look. That’s the look that told Stefan she wasn’t a totally terrible person.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She responded, walking over to the back of Caroline’s chair to untie the Vervain covered ropes. However, with a motion faster than Stefan could’ve responded to, Hanna stabbed Caroline with a Vervain-covered stake through the back of the chair, and Stefan quickly shot the huntress multiple times in the chest with the gun as she fell to the ground. She wasn’t dead, since she was a vampire, but extremely unconscious.

Caroline was fading from grey to flesh-colored and back to grey again. The stake had barely touched her heart, but was still piercing it. Her chest started bleeding and Stefan quickly untied her from the chair, laying her down on the ground. She was screaming and crying from the pain, breaking Stefan’s heart into a million pieces.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s okay, I’m gonna get it out, just keep your eyes open.” He could see Caroline fading towards death, so much so that he was afraid if she shut her eyes, he would lose her.

“Can you do that?” Stefan asked as he saw Caroline wince in pain and shut her eyes. Her neck started to turn grey.

She was almost gone. Stefan felt his eyes start to tear up. “Hey, hey, Caroline.” He moved one hand up to her cheek and wiped away a tear. Stefan paused, caressing the side of her face with his thumb- he knew this used to soothe her. Their eyes met and instantly Caroline felt herself calm down.

“Just keep your eyes on me.” The blond let another tear fall down her cheek. “Okay?” He whispered. Caroline nodded, still crying. Stefan took a deep breath and pulled the stake out of her chest, making Caroline let out the most piercing, painful scream Stefan had ever heard.

The stake was gone, but so was Caroline.

Her breathing got quiet and her eyes shut.

Love, Abby

I was 19 and had just gone off to college when my mother died. I contemplated moving back home to help out with my sister, Abby, 12, and my brother, Julian, 5, but my dad wouldn’t here any of it.

The three of them helped me move into my small dorm in McNalley Hall and Abby sat on my bed asking if she could stay. It was hard leaving them, especially with mom gone now, but things were so exciting at the university.

My parents had always been your typical, middle class midwesterners. We were your typical lower middle class suburban family. There was nothing unique or strange about us.

We had never been really religious but my mother dragged us to church on special holidays. It was all more for show and pomp though and less about God and sins. My parents prided themselves on rationality and reason and political, philosophical and spiritual light-hearted debates were a constant bonding activity in our household.

The cancer changed a lot, and when Mom died, it changed things ever more. We didn’t really pray. We just sort of waited and hoped.

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7x06 Review (Just my thoughts)

1. I knew that Caroline and Alaric would be the ones together before watching the episode because my friend came on to fb chat to freak the fuck out about it to me and I was like, “Oh yeah not surprising. Tumblr came up with every possible theory like honestly GET ON TUMBLR.” Alaric and Caroline is just awkward no matter what plot device reason they’re using to put them together.

2. Stefan as a father is actually kind of the most adorable thing in the world and Paul really seemed to be into the scene, which just made it all the sweeter. Although I really don’t think he’d be saying “dad”, was it really that difficult for them to make him say “father”? LIKE COME ON. And I felt Stefan’s panic when he was looking for “Jacob” so that was actually quite well-done barring the “dad” issue.

3. I actually think when Stefan wakes up from his dream is a perfect example of TVD’s problem because Caroline is there and says, “Who’s Jacob? You were yelling his name…” except you don’t actually see/hear a dreaming Stefan call out Jacob’s name in his sleep and it’s like, even THAT, writers? Even that you can’t show and must tell??? 

4. Valerie interrupting Stefan and Caroline in a towel is pretty much exactly like when Elena came to visit Stefan in season 1 and ran into Lexi into a towel. Like I can’t even with that parallel. Although when Valerie says, “I should put some clothes on” and Caroline says, “Yeah. You do that.” I had to laugh because Candice delivered that line so well.  

5. Stefan telling Caroline to “just trust him” is ridiculous and a terrible way of appeasing her insecurity and actually just sounds like a brush off. He doesn’t even appear conflicted about whether or not he should tell her about Valerie’s secret, you don’t see him hesitate or search her expression and then sigh and decide to keep Valerie’s secret and he couldn’t even be like, “There are just some things I can’t tell you and I know that sucks but please, trust me” which would be a VERY Stefan thing to say. They aren’t meshing, it just isn’t working and from Candice’s interview, I can tell that the writers are doing this on purpose but WHY? They’re basically stripping away everything that makes Stefan a good boyfriend.

6. That makeout scene was awkward, I’m sorry. The way Stefan puts his hand on the couch, I think what should’ve happened is he should’ve put his arm around Caroline and pulled her closer to him so as to show some sort of security and THEN Caroline should’ve put her arms around his neck because the way it played out, it just looked like Caroline being way more into it than Stefan. And even when Stefan says, “I really like this form of manipulation…” I mean you could SHOW that. You could show Stefan getting really into it and whispering, “Don’t think I don’t know you’re manipulating me.” They just seem so stiff.

7. Bo AKA Mute Black Man Servant is just so blatantly offensive to me and I have no words.

8. Julian honestly just reminds me of a “older” Klaus and it’s wigging me out.

9. That Bonlaric phone call. How the hell is Alaric snappy at Bonnie because the soul they put into Jo isn’t actually Jo’s soul? That isn’t Bonnie’s fault. She didn’t want to do the damn spell in the first place so take care of your responsibilities, Alaric. And Bonnie’s whole “I can’t watch her because I have to go to Mystic Falls” or, writers, you could just allow her to say something like, “I have an exam that  I need to study for and I don’t want to get kicked out of school” and actually make her LIVE HER LIFE. And we STILL don’t know what Bonnie is studying. What year is she in? What does she want to do after college? For fuck’s sake.

10. I need to take a moment to appreciate how sexy Paul Wesley looks in a white collared shirt … … …. OK, moving on.

11. I don’t really know how I felt about the Valerie/Caroline scene wherein Valerie lets Caroline know that Stefan is withholding something from her because I thought it was a very pointed scene but at the same time I could buy the idea that Valerie assumed that Stefan would tell Caroline since she is his girlfriend. Eh, skipping over that.

12. I have to admit I;m enjoying the Defan dynamic this episode; Paul and Ian played well off of each other and it reminded me of season 3, of Stefan having a plan and being determined to execute it and Damon being like tralalalala Elena tralalalala why do you have a plan? tralalalala but what about my man pain over Elena? Although when they do that whole “furniture” bit, Stefan completely fucked that up by calling the furniture “psychotic”, it’s no longer a working metaphor now, guys.

13. Matt, you are officially irrelevant, which sucks because I would’ve utilized the hell out of you if I were a writer on this show.

14. All of you already know how I feel about the Bonenzo moment as they arrive to Lily’s house. Bonnie pretty much ignored Enzo’s existence and vice versa for two seasons and you expect me to believe that they’ll just be bantering at the door and Enzo would randomly say, “in case anyone asks, you’re my date”? The only way this would work is if the show established that Enzo is how Caroline was in season 1 or Rebekah in season 3 where he just clings to different women to get different things, like he was first obsessed with Caroline and when that didn’t work out, he moved on to Lily and that’s not working out so he’s moving on to Bonnie because she’s there but it turns out that he actually *feels* something for Bonnie and Bonnie calls him out on it (of course) otherwise, you’re just being like HERE. PUT THESE TWO TOGETHER. Of course, my way isn’t ideal either but there isn’t any character on the show right now that wanted Bonnie first because JP HAD to kill Kai.

15. Is there a reason why they can’t kill Bonnie and resurrect her five minutes later and Elena would just be NOT SLEEPING anymore?

16. Even the dynamic between Stefan and Damon and Julian is like the dynamic they had with Klaus. Am I the only one noticing this?

17. I have to address it, between Mute Man Servant Bo and the black maid we see when Stefan first enters the party and the black student who only received a C in Jo’s class to the black singer at Lily’s party, the subtle yet blatant and systemic misogynoir and anti-blackness of TVD is making my blood boil.

18. Last episode, Lily has this entire speech about how Julian made her better, how she could survive anything as long as she was with him (basically drawing parallels between herself and Julian and Damon and Elena) and LIKE Damon and Elena, I DON’T SEE IT. This episode should be a follow up on that, we should see what she sees/feels and THEN see the reality of the situation because all I’m seeing is Julian kissing Lily’s neck and her saying her family is complete. I don’t get what you SEE in him and part of what makes a villain horrifying is seeing how they can be with one person and how they are with others.

19. LOL at Bonnie glancing at Enzo who is glancing at Lily. IN. WHAT. WORLD.
And then she fixes his tie so she can help Enzo make Lily jealous? WHAT? OK, I won’t lie, when they stare at each other as she’s fixing his tie, it’s hot, it’s a sexy stare but it’s one of those things for me where the detail is one I enjoy but in the larger scheme of things it’s ridiculous because it’s SO transparent and manufactured and forced, it’s not a relationship or a dynamic that’s building naturally because the show didn’t give it enough time to evolve despite apparently knowing they wanted to do it since 6x21.And they make Bonnie clown Enzo for trying to make Lily jealous in the first place by having her say “It’s called dignity. You should have some, it’s free” and yet, Bonnie, you’re here with a nondate trying to make the woman he actually wants jealous because as a “date” it’s your job to do so? WHERE IS THE DIGNITY IN THAT? And then she smiles to herself as he says “have a nice night” and walks away? WHAT WAS THERE TO SMILE AT? It’s not like HE was the one adjusting something on you or moving your hair out of your face or zipping up your dress or something, you’re the one doing his tie, HE should be the one grinning. My GOD, these writers. This is why we need BonKai. Bonnie had all the emotional power in that relationship, Kai was determined to prove himself to her and they challenged each other.

20. At least they kill someone who isn’t black this episode. Jfc.

21. Guys, GUYS, it’s an actual scene in which Stefan and Damon discover that Lily “took over” Damon’s bedroom and because Bo and Julian were fencing earlier on in the episode, there are fencing swords in Damon/Lily’s bedroom and then Damon dangles Lily’s, his mother’s, panties from the edge of the sword and waves it in Stefan’s face who has to grab them and throw them to the side. WHY IS THIS A SCENE? WHY ARE WE MAKING THIS AS OEDIPAL AS POSSIBLE? It’s not enough that they both want to kill the father figure???? LIKE I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT WAS NECESSARY.

22. Another moment to appreciate Paul Wesley in an open-collared suit. … … … OK I’m done.

23. I also like how Stefan used the SAME trick to vervain Damon like he did in season 1. Like … you’re predictable, Damon.

24. Stefan, you had Julian where you wanted him, on fire, and then you WATCH as Lily runs forward and puts a blanket on him, like why couldn’t you have restrained her? I thought you had no love loss for your mother. Lord.

25. “What did I do to make you hate me so much?” Lily, you did abandon him as a child and then repeatedly chose your heretic family over him. Like I don’t think you’re as cold and badass as everyone on the show makes it seem but I think that warrants a reason why Stefan wouldn’t particularly like you.

26. Julian rambles on and on about how the Phoenix Stone is hell and how he’s going crazy. I WANT TO SEE IT. Him beating the shit out of Stefan and Damon isn’t proof of how he’d gone crazy considering that Stefan had just tried to kill him and he was already a violent man when he wasn’t trapped in the Phoenix Stone, that’s why Valerie lost her baby, so I’m bored.

27. I’m just gonna say it, when Julian throws that bloody stake at Stefan and he catches it just as it’s about to hit his face, that was hot. Stefan is just really hot this episode!

28. Dude, both of you got your asses kicked by one vampire. That is embarrassing. Oh, am I now supposed to believe that because he’s older, he’s stronger? Even though the show broke that rule repeatedly so Elena could always win her fights? Pfft.

29. LOL TO THE WRITERS WHO MADE DAMON SAY, “I’m surprised, Stefan. I thought Caroline was the one. Yet again we all thought Elena was the one…” because Elena WAS the one and IS the one but you just HAD to push DE down our throats even though they. don’t. work. I also wish there was more of a payoff when Stefan charges at Damon. He tells Damon not to start with him, I would like to see Stefan unravel and I would like to see him unravel on Damon because Damon kept pushing and pushing and pushing, especially since throughout the series, we’ve seen Damon unravel on Stefan.

30. Stefan lamenting how he could’ve been a father is a nice scene and I feel Stefan’s inner turmoil and his pain but its interesting he couldn’t tell this to Caroline, shes the person he’s meant to be able to tell everything and anything to. There’s a real disconnect there.

31. I don’t care about Damon moping about how he and Elena could’ve had a family because a) shut up b) that was never DE, that was SE c) Damon would make a TERRIBLE father.

32. LOL at the Gemini twins being transferred to Caroline. How exactly would babies grow in a body that is technically dead? Fine, writer,s fine. Fine. Moving away from that, I think it could be interesting to explore Steroline through the lens that Stefan is lamenting not having a family while Caroline is thrust with one that she didn’t ask for and the tensions that could arise from that. I just don’t think the show will do a good job in exploring it.


because tradition :)

t-w-a-m-p  asked:

i saw this pic bit[.]ly/1s9pJm4 and instantly thought of your 1960s AU with will and hannibal going on their first vacation together <3 hannibal would book them a suite at the most luxurious hotel in some perfect paradise getaway and will would be over the moon with how well his husband is treating him - until hannibal’s jealousy threatens to ruin everything when he sees other men ogling his sunbathing wife [despite him being the one who got him the skimpy bikini in the 1st place].

MIMI I have a beach omegaverse stowed away for a rainy day, but this prompt is so cute, and also, 1960’s AU! I hope you like the piece. ♡

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Oh God. This has been in my drafts for AGES. I mean, it was like buried under 20 other drafts full of useless crap. Maybe I should finish it now. Okay… here goes attempt number two at finishing this endless thing.

So I took my sweet, sweet time reading this book, and now it’s over. And despite the content ending I just. I AM NOT READY. Like no. What.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Part One

Opens with Emma and Julian and CUTIES. “Put a Mark on me, Mark.” And Ty. LOVE IT. So of course my reaction is

JAAACCCEEE. MY BABY. I love banter. It makes me so happy. So I’m just like

Poor baby Alec. Oprah and I feel for you man. Break-ups are hard.


Or so I’m told.

DTR already, everybody is super tired of Sizzy looking like this when we ALLLLL know how both of you feel.


Sad thoughts about unmendable broken hearts.

Emma in awe of Clary and Jace. And pep talks. And askgfdlks.

“If you’re Jace Lightwood’s girlfriend, you should have a better sword.”


Sebastian. Always with the raising Hell shit. Like

“Oh, you know. Killing.” You. Are. Too. Cute. (Is that weird? No. It’s not.)


Sebastian. He loves mornings. They are full of possibilities.

Catarina. Gettin’ real. Speakin’ the TRUTH.

Poor Julian. 

Weapon shopping! BEST. DATE. EVER. And it’s a Morgenstern blade. Like giiirrrl. EMBRACE AND RESTORE THE AWESOMENESS OF YOUR SHADOWHUNTER HERITAGE. 

Simon, Simon, Simon. Always a pleasure, even when you are in a life-threatening situation or locked in a cage.

Important moment. And then, Jace. Forever self-doubting.

(In case there was any confusion, I am the baby.)

Ah yes. More danger. More ignorant Shadowhunters. This whole progression of scenes. I just. 

Onto a lighter topic. Simon’s concern for Raphael ruining his romantic “game” with Izzy.

Once again. Fucking Sebastian. Really, dude? Really. My response to all of your messages:


Lord Montgomery. 

Poor Alec. Such terrible luck. I imagine him like…

Sizzy moment.

I understand her reasoning, but damn if Jocelyn doesn’t wear on my nerves sometimes.

“Awkward boy-pats.”

Jocelyn dressing Clary in horrible pajamas - “The pajamas of vengeance.”

Jace being a pain in Brother Enoch’s ass.

Jem and Herondales. Jace and Jem bonding. 

But then, sad parabatai thoughts.

And then Jace: “Weapons, when they break and are mended, can be stronger at the mended places. Perhaps hearts are the same.” I. JUST. CAN’T.

Drunk Simon. He only knows the dreidel song.

Sebastian in Clary’s room… NOT COOL. Dude is creepy as fuck around her, like I know you don’t seem to understand what love actually is, but I also don’t think you want the right kind of love from her. SHE IS YOUR SISTER.

Oh shit. Fucking faeries.

Jace. All badass, but then crazy-ass Sebastian, nothing fucking hurts him. Frustrating as hell. And his continuous proclamations. Fuck you buddy.

Goddamn Rufus.

Scared Jace. And then Clary admitting to him that she was afraid of what Sebastian might do to her. And Jace feeling guilty. And I just. Ugh.

“You know me. I only have two reactions to bad news. Uncontrollable rage and then a sharp left turn into boiling self-hatred.” - Jace

Yet Clace is still being cute. HOW.

Veni. Sebastian and his messages.

And of course Clary and Jace try to offer themselves up. Of course. 

“Because thats how people talk when they think they’re going to die.”

The Clave.

Jem needing to protect the last of the Herondale line.

Jem paying his respects to the Shadowhunter who had to kill is Endarkened parabatai.

Maia fucking slayingRufus.

Jace and Simon and Alec. BROTPs.

Emma breaking into the Lightwoods, “like in Peter Pan.

Emma being the most awesome little girl version of Jace EVER. And she’s like the center of the next series.

Hell yes.

Alec and Emma discussing parabatai. 


“I wouldn’t trust her farther than I could throw a medium-sized elephant.”

Alec bitching his way into joining Clary and Jace.

That Queen is a little bit of a meanie.

Part Deux



Evidence of Clace love curtesy of Alec.

“…then we are going to have to have words, Jace Lightwood-”

“Flying death turtle?”


Alec. Put on fire duty. Alone. As the couples pair off.

I do hope we see more of Malcolm.

“If a demon grabbed me every time I was obnoxious to Simon, I’d have died the day you met me." 

Sarcastic/Witty Jace makes me just as happy as Badass Jace and the Jace reserved for his family and Clary.

Stupid Simon. It was like sups obvs that she didn’t actually want you to say it at that moment. DUH.

Jocelyn/Sebastian interactions are weird.

I have bad feelies about Emma and Julian being parabatai.

Which I’m like

Magnus kinda sorta gives me life.

Lily and Maia’s plot. Like

Alec is not your bitch, Jace. And that is why he will not make you pie.

But not really.

Parabatai connecting emotionally.

Fucking. Demons.

Clary walking into the flames like a badass. And then saving Jace. And the BROTP OF ALL BROTPS is Jace and Simon. Even though Jace refuses to hug Simon. And Alec being all adult-y and stuff.

Magical prostitutes.

What the actual frick-n-frack. How. Why. No.

"And you’re just a boy-” Like, ‘I will have you know sir, I am nearly 150 years old. Thank you.’ Jem. Jem. Jem.

Alec is the only one who paid attention in class. Jace gestures very expressively.

“That weapon. I want it.” “Well, you can’t have it.”

I do what I want and damn the consequences.

Jace hates it when Simon is right.


References to Will.


Lily filming the demon like


Bath time. I have so many gifs for this scene. Are you ready.

And like


Poor Alec. He has such terrible timing and he’s just like

Jace’s face is like a very open, very pornographic book. And Alec would like it if Jace could shut his face.

Jace can’t draw. At least he’s not totally perfect.

And the plan is still “Trust me.”

You can’t lie to Ty. 

Jace continuing to be handsome regardless of what he is wearing.


This is how I imagine that situation.

Jem saving the day. Sorta.


I don’t think that’s how love works.


Angsty Malec moment.

Ty keepin’ it real.


Poor Jules. And Ty…

I’m getting PJO feels with this one. Errbody’s like

Just. I can’t. It’s so horrible.


Amazing. And sad. And I just.

Gosh diddly darn it.

The goddamn fucking Clave. Always messing shit up.

Emma’s hesitation. Like no.

I think I know, but that doesn’t mean I want it.

Clace feels. Herondale feels. ALL OF THE FEELS.

We officially have Malec back.

The phone call.

Too much.

I’m reading and then I come upon the Epilogue and it’s like “Oh haha. Ms. Cassandra Clare, you are so funny. This is not really the last chapter… . ”



Jem has still got it going on. And Alec would like the calender.

“Sentimentality gives Isabelle hives." 

"We’re not going to have sex. At all.” “But 'at all’ is my favorite way to have sex.”

“…she would have a thing or two to say to Jace about his timing, after she drowned him in the lake.”

Lovey-dovey Clace.

Magnus interrupting them.

Alec talkin’ it out with Robert.

Simon. And poor Izzy.

Jace’s musical abilities.

Jem and Tessa watching Jace and Emma.

Jem and Tessa missing Will.

Sizzy moment.

Clary meeting Tessa. Jem stealing Church. Simon remembering biting Jace.

“A walk or a walk?”

Just all the feelies from the gang.

Magnus and Catarina discussing Tessa and Will’s children.



And I have to wait almost a year and a half for the next Cassandra Clare book?

To Forget

(I wrote this quick little TINFif after your latest soul-shattering update. WHaT hAvE yOu DONE TO US) 

Landon saw the punch, and immediately knew it wasn’t just punch. At the same time, he now knew that Julian was a flirty drunk. Funny, he had always pictured the circle as a weepy drunk.

“Okay,” Landon started to say, trying to laugh off his awkwardness and ignore how close their faces were. “I think it’s time we -”

He never got to finish his thought. Juls’ lips had been clumsily smashed against his own. And, more than anything else, Landon felt like screaming. One, because it was happening at all, and two, because this is definitely not how he had ever pictured this going down. He had always figured Julian would be the one to initiate their first kiss (if it ever occurred), if only because Landon would never want to push him, but never ever ever had alcohol had anything to do with the equation. Mainly because Juls hates the stuff, right?

Though as much as he wanted to pull away… he was weak. Julian was so warm, and this kiss… it definitely wasn’t the best by any means, but it was comforting, just like Juls always was.

Landon was about to close his eyes when Julian pulled away, so they ended up just staring at each other for a bit. Landon waited anxiously for regret to flicker across Julian’s face, because even drunk there was no way he’d actually be happy about kissing his mess of a friend. Landon’s anxiety only increased when absolutely no expression crossed Julian’s face; he was just staring blankly at him, as if contemplating what had just happened.

Landon didn’t wait for the regret to come through.

“Time to go home,” he said, though it came out quieter than he meant to. He put his hands over Julian’s so that his jacket would be freed, and to help Julian stand up.

“But,” Julian finally said something, his eyebrows creased as he stared down at the ground. “… Okay.”

Landon stared at him for a second, not understanding what was going through his head. By all means, Julian really didn’t look that drunk. Sure, they’d been having a lot of fun tonight, but they’d had a lot of fun at the Golden Llama hotel, too…  

No, he wasn’t following this train of logic. The only reason Julian would ever kiss him was because he was drunk - that’s it. There was no other explanation. Except for maybe Julian finally realizing that Landon loved him and so he was just giving him a pity kiss.

He grabbed Julian’s hand and started tugging him out of the party, wanting to leave this scene as fast as possible. He needed to forget this immediately - he needed to wipe all traces of that sloppy, warm, enticing kiss out of his mind, because if he didn’t he’d go insane. As soon as he dropped Juls off, he needed to get plastered.

… Though he had to wonder, what was worse? Constantly thinking about something you could never have again, or forgetting you ever got it in the first place? Besides, something told him that no matter how much he drank, he’d still remember. All of his memories of Juls worked like that.

Landon didn’t even realize they had walked the entire way to Julian’s house in silence until the smaller boy squeezed his hand. “Wait, don’t… can,” he seemed very nervous as he requested, “can you come into my room? But take the tree.”

This was where Landon had the opportunity to bail. He could say that he needed to go get rest, or that he wanted to go back to the party, or even just say no. But he could never resist Juls.

“Sure. Be up in a jiffy.”

He wasn’t expecting the small but elated smile Julian gave him before traipsing inside his house. It froze Landon to his spot, but when the front door closed he shook himself out of it and climbed up the familiar tree like he had done so many times before.

He made it into Julian’s room before he did, he was so fast. Which gave him time for his nerves to shake and tangle up inside of him as he thought about what he was trying so very, very hard not to think about. It didn’t help that he could still feel Juls there, right there - latching onto his jacket and pressing those hot lips on him. He almost expected his jacket to have permanent grip folds from Julian’s tiny hands.

He jumped when Juls’ door opened, but of course it was only the boy himself entering. He looked up at him for a second before growing too shy and staring back down at the ground. “… You still have bags under your eyes.”

It would never cease to amaze Landon just how much Julian honestly seemed to care about him. “… What?”

“You don’t sleep well at your house, do you,” Julian accused more than asked. “So… why don’t you sleep here tonight?”


Landon swallowed nervously, really trying hard to not get his hopes up. Julian was just being nice. Misleading, but nice. And he wasn’t saying anything about the kiss, either, which meant that he probably did regret it and was trying to get things back to the way they were before.

“Uh, sure.”

Julian gave him another small smile before going over to his dresser and taking out his pajamas. “Do you want to borrow some clothes, or?”

Like his clothes would even fit. “No, I’m good.”

Julian started walking out of the room to go change, so Landon headed for the floor by his bed.

“Don’t sleep on the floor,” Julian immediately chastised him. “You’ll hurt your back.”

Landon sighed, but didn’t want to argue. He felt exhausted from this whole night, and every time Julian pouted at him it just brought thoughts of his lips to the forefront of his mind again. The best thing he could do was just lay on the bed and fall asleep as quickly as possible - hopefully before Julian even got back. He could always fall asleep quickly on his bed anyway.

Except, unfortunately, this time.

Because this time, the bed smiling like Juls’ wasn’t comforting him to sleep. It was making him picture all of the times he’s ever been close to him. All of their cuddles, all of their hugs, the kiss he planted on Julian’s cheek, the kiss Julian planted on him a half hour ago… His body started to itch, and he hated that it was aching for Julian, because the last thing he needed right now was cuddles when he was trying to forget a drunken kiss.

Julian’s door opened again, and Landon felt goosebumps all across his skin. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to fake that he was sleeping. He felt the bed dip when Julian came on it, and for a moment he could feel Julian hovering over him, trying to see if his eyes were closed or not. He heard Julian sigh before settling down into bed next to him. This was fine, he could do this. Julian was close enough to make him feel relaxed, but not close enough to make him think about kisses.

For the second time this night he felt like screaming when Julian’s arm wrapped itself snuggly around his chest, hugging him close. That was it. He was done. He was never going to forget - he was always going to be lovesick for Julian without a cure. This boy was going to be the death of him.

“Was this kiss really that bad?”

Landon thought he had imagined it at first, but when he opened his eyes reality hit him. Juls had just asked him about the kiss.

“What?” Landon forgoed his fake sleeping disguise and tried to turn towards Julian, who was now panicking.

“Y-you’re awake?!” Julian’s cheeks were flushed once more, his eyes wide in alarm. “I-I thought you were…! You didn’t hear me, did you?”

“… Uh,” Landon often had trouble figuring out what to say to Julian.

The circle groaned and turned his back towards Landon, curling his knees to his chest. “Please don’t listen to me.”

Did Julian understand that all Landon ever tried to do was listen to him? He couldn’t just stop now. “Juls, did you…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. This was Julian after all - he wasn’t sure what was running through his head half the time. Especially when it came to him.

“I didn’t…” Julian replied, curling up more. “I just… you haven’t said a word about it…”

Landon felt himself blush. “That’s because…” He would just sound desperate for more if he started talking about it.  

He wasn’t prepared for Julian to turn around and face him, that concerned, almost fearful expression on his face. “Because why? You never… you never finish your sentences, when it’s stuff like this.”

Landon clenched his teeth. He knew that, he knew that full well. It was part of his “defense mechanism” or whatever. “I don’t want you to worry -”

“Don’t change the subject.” Julian seemed insistent on Landon spilling his guts, his little fists tightening around his blanket. “Just… tell me what you were going to say.”

Landon could physically feel his heart in his chest. Julian was looking up at him so expectantly, so adorably, so closely. Their kiss played on repeat in his mind, like a 4D movie, his lips feeling it over and over so much that they parted slightly, as if expecting more to be coming. All he could hear was bdmp bdmp bdmp.

“That’s because… I loved it.”

Why didn’t he say liked instead of loved? Too late now.

He saw Julian’s eyes widen even more, and he painfully waited for regret or disgust or confusion to stare back at him, but instead he received relief.

“R-really?” Julian asked, turning shy and looking down, away from his face. “Oh.”

“… Oh?” Landon had to ask, because he was the one feeling confused. Why was Julian asking? Why wasn’t he horrified? Why wasn’t he pushing him away?

“Do you,” Julian hesitated for a painstakingly long time, “want… another one?”

Landon felt like those words sliced him in half. But he didn’t entertain the idea for a second. “Not when you’re drunk.”

“What?” Julian looked almost offended. “I’m not…! You think I’m drunk?!”

“Yeah?” Landon replied, creasing his eyebrows together. He was questioning it himself, because like he thought earlier, Julian really wasn’t acting that much different.

“I’m not!” Julian repeated, glaring cutely at him. “Underaged drinking is illegal!”

Landon felt like laughing. Of course that was Julian’s response.

“The punch was probably spiked,” Landon replied, in disbelief that he had to spell this out for a high school senior.

Julian stared at him, obviously having never considered this before. He started to zone out, giving Landon some time to take deep breaths and calm himself. Soon Julian would realize the alcohol was making him act ridiculous and would also want to forget about this.

“That’s…” Julian clenched his teeth. “Landon, I’m not… I didn’t kiss you because I’m drunk!”

Landon was surprised by how angry he seemed. Why was he getting so upset? “Then… why?”

Julian’s anger quickly slipped into embarrassment, his face burning red before he buried his face into the pillow. “… I… I just wanted to.”

Landon didn’t believe his ears. Or his brain. Or anything that was trying to tell him that Julian actually wanted to kiss him. This wasn’t happening. His brain couldn’t process this.

… Did Julian actually like him back?

“I-is that weird?” Julian asked, voice muffled from the pillow. “Did you not want me to…”

Landon honestly didn’t know what was happening - everything was moving too fast. But, thankfully, his mouth seemed to be keeping up. “I said I loved it, didn’t I?”

Julian stayed buried in his pillow for a moment. A long, agonizing, heart-clenching moment. But when he looked back up at him, his eyes were wide once more, his mouth slightly parted in awe. “… Then… then do you want another one?”

Landon wasn’t used to verbally confirming that he wanted kisses; he was used to swooping in and taking them. But he knew that wasn’t the way to go with Juls. “… Yeah.”

Julian blushed and stared down at the bed again, taking a deep breath. He scooted even closer to Landon, causing his heart to feel like a bucking bronco, which broke free from its cage when their lips connected again. It was a little less clumsy this time, allowing Landon to take full enjoyment in the comfort and warmth the other boy had to offer. Deep inside he had to wonder what he was giving back, and if it was enough.

When they separated, Julian seemed to think that was enough kisses for now as he scooted even close to Landon, wrapping his arms rightly around his thin body and burying his face into his chest. Landon was fine with this, and just wrapped his arm back around Julian. After a few minutes, his awestruck face started to smile, and he closed his eyes.

Whether this was a fantastic dream or reality, he didn’t want to forget this.

(submitted by annzy-bananzys-corner!!!)

OMG… I… I’M GONE… I won’t let my comment get too long but WOW I 900000% LOVED THIS AHHHH you got Landon SO good, I’m so impressed TT____TT))) this is perfect… my heart hurts omg… I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS I’M HAPPY AND BROKEN :’’’D YELLS! THANK YOU so much for this, you’re amazing, this was beyond adorable!!! XOXO  ♥♥♥


“why is ao3 so barren” i say, as i, a writer, have not posted a scrap of original content for over a month. anyhoops, ive been working on this story in collaboration w my dear friend @weaslayyy​ for abt three weeks? now? almost. first: it’s not actually a General Pregnancy Fic, it’s a very specific story that focuses on one headcanon we have in particular. Two: it’s getting incredibly long and out of hand and im crying because #university life, who has time to write anymore. but here’s an excerpt, anyway:

Jake likes the time they spend at Holt’s house. It’s different from when they go to his Mom’s – softer, more understated, with an odd sort of serenity that Jake’s never really appreciated before. At his Mom’s place, there are picture frames cluttering up the walls and patterned cloth everywhere; something comforting and almost artistic about the chaos as Jake comes back from the kitchen carrying a bowl of pasta to hear the mellow sounds of The Beatles crackle up from his Mom’s old record player.

“I played this song all the time,” his Mom tells Amy, “when I was pregnant. It works great as a lullaby, sweetheart.”

“Mom,” says Jake, as Amy smothers her laughter behind her hand, “I’m not singing my kid a song about LSD.”

“Don’t be silly,” says Karen, waving a hand idly as she steps forward to pluck the glass of water out of Jake’s hand and give it to his still-laughing wife. “It doesn’t leave any lasting effects, unlike the real thing – which, you know, is not as great as everyone says it is –”

“Oh my God, Mom –”

(But Karen’s winking at Amy, there in the small living room with the patterned couch throws and the only slightly crooked paintings on the walls, and Jake feels his lips tug into a grin.)

It’s definitely different from the loudness and bustle and happy, bursting energy that is Amy’s parents’ house, always containing at least one other sibling and never without a full plate of food being pushed their way. There, Jake sees bright splashes of colour – yellows and oranges and the ever-present smell of cinnamon and fried onions, and the chili powder that Amy’s father loves so much. There, there’s an old, rickety bookshelf with peeling copies of books, so blatantly unkempt and determinedly perused that even Jake is compelled to look through them sometimes. There, the air is filled with excited shouts of children and the sound of water in the kitchen sink, and the wire frames of Miguel Santiago’s glasses, and Amy’s mother saying, “I’ll tell you, mijo, it’s going to be a boy. These Santiago genes cannot be escaped.”

Amy makes faces from her spot on the floor playing scrabble with Becky, because the next thing Pilar says is, “I’m not surprised it happened so fast, either. The women in this family, ah ah ah. You ask Abuela, they step off their front porch in the morning and bam, pregnant.”

(From the other couch, Julian and Carlos start laughing uproariously; Jake chokes on his glass of orange juice and nearly spills it on Isabelle, who is attempting to climb his leg in an effort to convince him to do her nails.)

It’s different, too, from the chaos of the precinct – family in another sense of the term, with Rosa smiling at him way more than he ever thought physically possible, Gina deciding to binge-shop for gender-neutral baby clothes on the internet when she should be forwarding Captain Holt his emails, Charles presenting them with a different recipe for gourmet baby food each day, ranging from yams (something Jake’s familiar with) to rutabaga (something Jake couldn’t identify with five pages of internet research, which incidentally, Amy does after Charles’s recipe). Terry writes an immeasurably long list of Hints And Tips on the evidence whiteboard one morning, Jake sat at the table in front of him, listening to the best of his ability. He wonders if he could somehow turn himself into a sponge for the day (or maybe turn himself into Amy for the day, because she can still recite commstat reports from five years ago with only minor screw up), or if Terry could transcribe the List onto a piece of paper or something, because Terry is the best Dad Jake knows. And, also, he can’t seem to get through the list without tearing up and saying, “Oh, God, I can’t believe my grown up babies are havin’ babies.” Which would be fine if it didn’t mean that Jake’s ribs nearly fold in half when Terry picks him up into a hug halfway through the Tips And Hints whiteboard session, but you know, whatever. Jake doesn’t really mind.

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