julian i hate you and like you at the same time how is that even possible

“Diplomatic Meeting” between the Scarlet Guard and Cal

This was requested by @dreams-of-feysand and @tiberiaschooseme also asked me to be tagged in it.

**Post KC fanfic**

Hope you enjoy!

Words: 1,446

Rating: PG-13 Some language ;)

Ships: Well it’s like, post kc epilogue (that never happened) so Mare x Cal AFTER breakup

(/ Cal /)

     I clench my jaw, thinking of how to continue. Remembering back to a few days ago, I sigh. Everything’s happened so quickly. Nanabel is already planning how to overthrow Maven, Evangeline and I are set to marry, and I’ll be King sooner than I know it.
     I thought that before anything, a meeting with the Scarlet Guard to set things straight would be incredibly important.
     Of course, Farley was the one sent to talk to me. A wise choice…The Scarlet Guard probably thought that the fact that I know her might influence me in some way. It won’t. I’ve got my propositions, they’ve got theirs.
     I didn’t invite them to argue, but it is time to tell them the things I’ve never said. The things I couldn’t say while staying with a base full of angry Reds ready to prance on me the first excuse they get.
     Hopefully, we can arrange some agreements.
     If not…

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i’ll take the fault in the faultiness | savifrost/flashfrost

description | Having her live with him was, perhaps, a mistake. He knew, as he knows most things, the past and the future are clear to him. Though he resolves that it’s the torment of it all that suits him now.

A/N | I’ve been wondering how much they would explore with the humanity in Savitar. As in, if he’s capable of pain, then he’s possibly capable of love. Thank you @anisstaranise for being as patience as you are talented in getting the best writing from me. Also, amazing inspiration from all the savifrost and flashfrost coming out lately. Always amazing from this fandom!


The bannister leading to her makeshift bedroom is cool against his grip, and he distinctly hears the moans of someone new she’s lured into their dilapidated living space. How she takes her willing victims in, their salivating and cowering at the sight of her, pulls at the twisted way his lips curl at these sort of things now.

Eventually, she comes down. And she comes down from whatever afterglow that had come from her latest, nameless kill. He had heard the cries for help before he even stepped foot on their grounds, knowing that the poor soul couldn’t have met a painless death. She hardly lets her raucous activities stop her, nevermind giving him notice of them. He decides he likes this about her, it’s precisely one of the reasons he sought her out in the first place.

He takes his hand off the melting ice on the railing, and nods as she climbs down the steps to meet him, appraising his smirking lips. ‘You’re not satisfied.’

Her icy irises narrow. ‘What?’

‘You’re still hungry.’

She strides past him and crosses her arms against her chest, she doesn’t turn when she peers out their only window, a dusty, near-shattered pane of glass. ‘Didn’t know you cared, what with your current plotting and scheming, darling.’ She means to snark at him, as she has been since his offering of their living arrangements several weeks ago.

She is right in a way, with all that’s set out for them to do and the faint prickling at the back of his neck that an imminent threat could suddenly derail his plans. Then there’s this; ‘There’s a lot I still care about.’

The scars marring half his face seem even more puckered and angry when he continues to grin, as though they fight against anything that feels unnatural.

She turns to face him, only to find him closing a sudden distance between them. She cringes at the space he invades at his super speed. ‘What is that–’

‘I know they’re trying to sway you,’ he says, and he doesn’t mention Cisco or his other self or even Julian by name, because he dangles a silver chain before her and that’s all it takes. ‘I see it happening, just like I see it in your eyes now.’

She’s looks wholly taken aback, and she must not know that there’s a perceptible quaking she’s mustering to hide. The ghost whites of her eyes flicker of a familiar darker warmth. All because he marionettes a diamond ring in front of her, weaved through the chain he clasps.

‘Remember, pain is what we share. They don’t know, they’ve not felt loss like we’ve lost, what was ripped from us.’ He near snarls at the thought. ‘If you stay, I can make you stronger.’

Having her live with him was, perhaps, a mistake. He knew, as he knows most things, the past and the future are clear to him. Though he resolves that it’s the torment of it all that suits him now. Even now, as he watches her take Ronnie’s ring, he knows down to his cold, cold core, where he knows no amount of kindling can survive. He knows that when she pierces him with her glare, and stalks off with the present he’s given her, he is content in this misery. With her, equally as broken.

This is how it starts.

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Deep Space Nine RECAP: 6x19

Time to recap another fave of the hivemind! Let’s see what you guys picked for me this time…

[returns] Well gosh dang do you all ever love Benjamin Sisko In A Crisis Of Morality! DRAMA. ETHICS. And, new: INTRIGUE, which also goes by the name GARAK, thank u.

Season 6, Episode 19: ‘In the Pale Moonlight’

Curtain opens on Ben Sisko in his quarters, starting a personal log. I was about to take a sidebar about how amused I am by the whole concept of officers keeping personal logs, because every time one happens I think about how in the earliest days of TOS the writers clearly said to themselves hey, y’know what would be a convenient way to get our characters to monologue about their inner thoughts and feelings? A Starfleet culture of keeping audio diaries. Anyhow that device turns out to be THE ENTIRE FRAMEWORK OF THIS EPISODE, a-lol.

“I need to talk about this,” Ben says, out loud. “I have to justify what’s happened, what I’ve done. At least to myself.” Like, yes you first-person narrator of a Victorian horror story, take us back, make us understand how you will forever be A Changed Man after this Experience. What a classic opening.

[chuckling appreciably]

No one is chuckling in this first flashback scene though. It’s the grim weekly ritual of his crew filing in to check the list of Starfleet officers missing or confirmed dead that Sisko posts on the wall of the wardroom. Ben hates Fridays now.

Evidently the Federation is losing a lot of ships to Jem’Hadar sneak attacks from around the Romulan border. The Romulans had signed that nonaggression treaty with the Dominion a while back, and are apparently planning on turning a blind eye, not getting involved, and generally just sitting back and letting all their enemies destroy each other in their drawn-out war. If the Romulans were to join forces with the Klingons and the Federation, then maybe our guys would stand a chance against the Dominion, but as stands, they’re likely to continue taking these losses, possibly until they lose the whole thing.

Sisko has had it.

Personal Log VO: “That was the moment I made the decision. It was like I had stepped through a door, and locked it behind me. I was going to bring the Romulans into the war.”


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How Snowbarry Could Happen

Now, I would like to start this off by saying I am a multi-shipper who prefers WestAllen. I am not, as the die-hard WestAllen fans would say, a delusional Snowbarry shipper who questions Barry’s love for Iris. The reason I ship WestAllen more is because of Barry’s obvious love for Iris whereas since season one, we haven’t really seen the potential for any romance between Caitlin and Barry. But, we know lots of fans enjoy it, just like lots of fans enjoy WestAllen and while it seems unlikely to happen, it’s not entirely impossible. The direction of the show would just have to change quite a bit for Caitlin and Barry to end up together. And even then, we don’t know whether or not it would be endgame or if WestAllen would. However, while the writers haven’t done Snowbarry, in season one, they seemed to enjoy teasing it. They had Barry and Caitlin hold hands in the dark when Farooq attacked STAR Labs, they had her ask him to stay with her until she fell asleep, they had them sing Summer Nights, a song about a summer romance, and they had a shape-shifter in Barry’s shape kiss Caitlin and she seemed to enjoy it after she got over her initial shock. The writers shouldn’t have done that if they didn’t want any fans to ship Snowbarry. With their writing in season one, they should have known that some people would end up shipping it. However, Snowbarry kind of fizzled out in season two, which is why I stopped shipping it so much. It’s seemed more like a friendship since season one, with two exceptions in season three. Those two exceptions were when he talked her down from being Killer Frost, which could have just been a moment between two friends considering Barry was madly in love with Iris at the time and Caitlin started dating Julian not too long after, and the fact that Killer Frost kissed him when she tried to kill him. Now, I hate it when that kiss gets romanticized, because Caitlin was obviously trying to kill him, but it is the writers once again teasing Snowbarry shippers despite the obvious abuse of the kiss. Caitlin could have tried to kill him multiple ways, yet she tried to do it by kissing him. The only other person she tried to kill by kissing was Julian, whom she was in love with. Thankfully, since Julian would not survive that kiss, I am glad she was stopped before she could. Point is, Snowbarry has been teased on the show, so while the writers haven’t done it and seem to prefer WestAllen and Snowlian, it doesn’t seem like they are entirely opposed to it.

So, how could Snowbarry ever go beyond occasional teases of romance and a brotp? Well, there’s actually a potential for that in season four. Now, Snowbarry shippers, don’t get your hopes up too high, because I still think it’s unlikely they will ever canon Snowbarrry, but I know how they could pull it off in season four if they wanted to. As a writer, I know what audiences like. And trust me when I say that even the people who ship WestAllen pretty damn hard probably don’t want them getting married this soon. Yes, there are some who do, but me? No. I don’t want them getting married right now. I think it would be really rushed and boring for them to get married this quickly into the series. The Flash is most likely going to last at least ten seasons, so if Barry and Iris get married in season four, there will be little to no more romantic tension, and people who watch for that will get bored. People like the will-they won’t-they story telling when it comes to romance in TV shows and they also like slow burns. All of that goes away if WestAllen is permanently canoned now. This means that if the writers want to be smart and draw it out longer, they would give Barry a new love interest. Now, it’s very possible they’ll bring in another of his canon love interests and not use Caitlin, but it’s also possible for them to use her. After all, Barry and Caitlin both found themselves separate from their significant others at the end of season 3. Caitlin told Julian that she wasn’t Caitlin anymore, basically telling him she wasn’t the woman he fell in love with anymore, and she needed to figure herself out and be let go. She basically told him to move on and told her friends to let her go, because she was someone else now. Question is: will Julian actually move on? Six months is a long time. It’s always possible he will have considering he and Caitlin weren’t together that long. But he will have to in order for Snowbarry to happen. As for Barry, he entered the speed force at the end of season three, and while considering Grant Gustin is confirmed on imdb for season four and for the SDCC as the top billing, it’s pretty obvious Barry is coming back, he won’t necessarily get right back together with Iris. Candice Patton said in an interview that they still won’t have Barry out of the speed force and Iris is dealing with it in her own way and stepping up to become a leader in Team Flash. Question is: what exactly does that mean? Did Iris listen to Barry when he told her to keep loving and found someone new during the six months Barry has been absent, or did she perhaps decide she doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone right now because of the pain they cause and wants to focus on her individuality? The latter happened to Kara on Supergirl. She really wanted to be with James, but when season two happened, Kara had gone through a change and needed to figure herself out. She decided that James wasn’t the one for her. She ended up getting with Mon-El later, but the point is, she decided that she and James were better as friends and she needed some time to be single. She also started dating Mon-El eventually, who was another alien. He probably understood her better than James did because they were both refugees on Earth. Either way, it’s possible Iris will have moved on and won’t want to be with Barry when he comes back right away. Or it’s possible she will be psyched to see him and they will go through with the wedding. As I said, though, I really think it would be bad for the writer’s story to do that this early on. So, if Caitlin and Barry’s love interests have both moved on by the time the two of them get back, both of them are suddenly single. And yeah, the writers could do what they did in season two and bring in two new love interests for them, but that would be a pretty big cast, right? Especially if the way Julian and Iris have moved on is to other people. There would be a lot of characters to keep track of and not enough time to develop them all. Another choice they could make is have Barry and Caitlin get together, even if it’s only temporary.

So, what could make Caitlin and Barry go from friendship to romance if their significant others have moved on in season four? Well, both of them have gone through some very serious character arcs. Caitlin has actually confessed to being someone else and needing to figure out who that is, and I would not be surprised if Barry was a slightly different person too once he escapes the speed force. At their core, the essence of who they used to be is still the same, but for any Supergirl fans out there, as Cat Grant says, someone will be hundreds of different people throughout their lives as they grow, change, and experience new things. Caitlin and Barry have already gone through some pretty life-changing character arcs. They will probably never be the exact same people they were before. Seeing as they both have experienced this, it could push them toward each other, because they can each relate to what the other is going through. Another thing that might push them toward each other is feeling like outcasts in Team Flash. After all, both have left and it has been six months. There will be a new dynamic to the Team when they come back and they might feel out of place. If they both feel this way, it gives them another area in which they can relate to one another. So, if the two of them feel this way and have both lost their significant others by the time the next season starts, it’s possible they will gravitate to each other. And whether or not that turns from friendship to something more would be up to the writers to decide.

Again, I don’t want anyone getting their hopes up, because Snowbarry is still very unlikely to happen, but I don’t think it should be ruled out entirely considering they way the writers enjoyed teasing it in season one.

An added note for all the butt-hurt die-hard WestAllen fans who came along to rag on this post: Wow, I love how all these die-hard WestAllen shippers just had to come along and attack a post that wasn’t even made to hate on their ship or their beloved Iris. I like WestAllen and Iris, for crying out loud. I also really like Candice Patton. I think she’s a great person from what I’ve seen of her and an amazing actress. And I stated multiple times that I preferred WestAllen to Snowbarry while writing this post because of the connection between Barry and Iris being so profound and full of love. And for the record, Barry still considers Caitlin his friend despite her actions as Killer Frost considering how much he wanted Caitlin back, told her they were family, and how he wanted to go talk to her immediately when he saw her at H.R.’s funeral, so the WestAllen shipper who was acting like he’d suddenly hate Caitlin for what she did as Killer Frost is delusional. He’s forgiving, unlike this damn fandom. Do all of you have nothing else better to do than hate on posts you don’t agree with? Go get yourselves lives. Your level of immaturity is amazing. This was not a hateful post, so you have no real reason to attack it, but you choose to anyway because you’re so obsessed with your fictional ship that you can’t handle it when someone else doesn’t ship it or ships something else too. And for the record, as much as I hate to say it, because I am a WestAllen shipper, I think WestAllen shippers are the real bullies in this fandom, particularly on Tumblr. Yeah, you’ll come across Snowbarry fans who can be bullies too, but I have seen more WestAllen fans rag on Caitlin and Snowbarry than I have seen Snowbarry shippers rag on Iris and WestAllen, at least on Tumblr. A lot of Snowbarry shippers actually like Iris, but just don’t see chemistry between Candice and Grant and have told me so. Yet WestAllen fans act like the reason Snowbarry shippers don’t ship Snowbarry is because they are racists. Well, here’s what I have to say about that: first of all, you’re misusing the word ‘racist’. Its original definition before people started misusing the English language was someone who believes their race is superior over all races. Really, the word you should actually be using is bigoted or prejudice, and even then, you’re more often than not accusing someone of being something they are not. You act like just because someone dislikes a black character for their personality, that they are suddenly bigots. Whereas if someone disliked a white character for their personality, they are not considered bigots. But people can be bigoted against white people too. I know it for a fact because it has happened to both my mother and my father. A black woman disliked my mother because she was white and refused to work with her and my father, who marched in the Civil Rights movement with Dr. King, is constantly referred to as ‘an old white man’ in a discriminatory way. You also act like just because they don’t see chemistry between Candice and Grant that they are bigoted for it because Candice is black. You’re wrong nine times out of ten. That’s where YOU are the delusional ones. Most people who ship Snowbarry would still ship Snowbarry if a white actress had been cast to play Iris. You’re bringing unnecessary hate to the fandom and I wish you’d grow up and stop because you are just as bad as the handful of Snowbarry shippers who are actually bigoted. And honestly, shouldn’t you just be happy that WestAllen is currently happening? You have what you want, so what do you get out of hurting others for not having what they want? How would you like it if Snowbarry had been canoned instead of WestAllen and the Snowbarry shippers rubbed it in your faces? I think you’d hate it. Also, one of the WestAllen shippers who brought hate to this post said the only way Snowbarry could happen is in another universe where Caitlin is magically Iris, yet you forget that Barry has dated other women like Linda, Patty, Felicity, and Becky Cooper. While I don’t think he’s loved any of them the way he loves Iris, I think Patty came pretty close considering the nightmares he had where he feared Zoom killing her. He really loved Patty, which proves that Barry is capable of loving someone other than Iris, even if it’s not Caitlin. Also, I have seen so many hardcore WestAllen fans get pissed when Snowbarry fans rag on their posts, yet that’s exactly what all of you did to this post. Your hypocrisy is showing. Also, someone in the notes tried to accuse me of tagging WestAllen in this post, but I really didn’t. I suppose I did write: #I am a multi shipper who prefers WA writing this, but that’s not the same as tagging #westallen. The tag in this is #snowbarry, so all WestAllen fans who rag on it are invading the Snowbarry tags in this case and once again, are hypocrites considering I see you all complain about Snowbarry shippers apparently using WestAllen tags when posting their comments almost every time I look up WestAllen. Honestly, there is so much negativity in this fandom, from both sides, though I think the WA shippers are worse from everything I’ve seen. Most of the Snowbarry shippers only start getting hateful after being bullied by WestAllen shippers, and then I really can’t blame them. WestAllen may be my preferred ship of all the ones on the Flash, but it’s certainly not my preferred fandom in the Flash. It’s so full of hate.

So, in short, all of you should stop being unnecessary haters and go get yourselves lives.

 It’s been a long time since I made this post, and I would like to say, I no longer ship WestAllen for any reason other than seeing Barry happy. I got bullied by so many WestAllen shippers, that I became ashamed that I shipped the pairing and started questioning why I did. I ended up realizing that I really don’t like Iris and have since made a few posts as to why I don’t. I have started blocking the WestAllen stans that come and attack me, I even report them on occasion depending on just how offensive they are, and I am happy preferring Snowbarry to WestAllen now. So, way to go, WestAllen stans; you helped scare off someone who actually preferred your OTP. I should actually thank you, though, you lifted the wool from my eyes and now I am comfortable with the fact that I don’t really like who Iris West is as a person and I’m done trying so hard to like her character. I will only ever ship WestAllen to enjoy seeing Barry, my precious little cinnamon roll, happy. I’d really prefer him to be with someone else, whether that’s Caitlin, since Snowbarry was glorious when they let them interact in season one, or someone else entirely. Sorry some of this post, where I say I like/prefer WestAllen is inaccurate, but it was accurate when I made the post. Goes to show, the WestAllen shippers and their horrible bullying can really drive someone away from their ship.

just-a-funny-little-brain  asked:

I was wondering if I could request a fic if you have a chance? I was really disappointed that after Data met Bashir, the writers never mentioned it again. They obviously got along, so I was wondering if I could request something more with them interacting more!

I’ve been running ideas through my head about this for weeks. I’m going to just write them out here.

Timeline Info: Data has an emotion chip. Julian’s genetic engineering was just revealed.

Bonus Miles O’Brien.

Also, I have a head canon about Data and Julian. After they met, they kept in touch through video messages and the occasional live conversation, when they have time. Because of the conflict with the Dominion, all connections were through video messages. They never shared classified information. They simply talk about books, poetry, and other not serious matters. After Data’s emotion chip was installed, they began to talk about Data’s experiences with emotions. Julian would try and help fill in the blanks that Data didn’t understand, though Geordi would usually be the first to help Data understand his emotions. “Geordi says that I am experiencing joy,” or something along those lines. Julian would verify the emotions and expand on it a little, in a way that makes logical sense.


Julian had six unseen messaged. They were all from Data.

He slumped onto the couch in his quarters and sighed. Eventually he would have to watch the videos and respond to Data’s questions or emotions. Eventually he would have to confront the lies and betrayal he was likely to be accused of. Eventually. But it could wait another day. The first message had already waited for twenty-eight days. What could one more day add that the first twenty-eight hadn’t? Julian leaned forward and buried his face in his open hands. His elbows fell to his knees.

What would he spend his night doing then? He could read. He and Garak were due for a lunch get together in two days. Powering through the chosen Cardassian text wouldn’t be hard. And it would give him something to focus on so he could pretend that everything was fine and dandy. Or he could go to Quark’s. He did have several holosuite programs that he hadn’t used in a while. That would be a good distraction too. Or–

“O’Brien to Doctor Bashir.”

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One Night of Weakness | RC - 3x23

A/N: Get ready to get your hearts broken. Here’s a fic that shows what the rest of Iris West’s night could’ve been like picking up where the ep left off. Enjoy! ;P

*Many thanks to the marvelous @valeriemperez for doing such a fantastic beta’ing job. I owe her everything. <3

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The Dark Affices: Lord of Shadows Analysis

(Unpopular opinions sorry+mostly criticism but the book is good, its just Imm irked by these points GAH )
I loved this book while reading it, the plot flowed well, the characters were quite lovable, but once I finished it- it felt like I had read nothing at all. The only feelings I had came from the whole situation with Kieran and Mark and Cristina, and that was just because I’m a total sucker for sad romances where one loves the other way more than they are loved back but ANYWAYS.


Unseelie King
Isn’t even half as threatening or formidable of an archenemy as Sebastian Morgenstern, and that makes the whole story quite weak already

Seelie Queen
She’s going to do something that will bite the shadowhunters in their arse the moment Julian gives him the Black Book. Predictable. She could’ve done way more manipulation on the others as well.

Zara and the Cohort
Everyone who fought in the way againt the Circle/Valentine is still alive. There is no way that within 10 years people who go back to wanting to brand downworlders and such. They remember the last time someone wanted to do that a massive war broke out and their relatives died. Also Zara is a two-dimensional character: her goal is weak, and she doesn’t seem to have any human/likeable qualities. So she’s a Regina-George-type character, made to be hated, but the Unseelie King has already taken that role. Repeat: Sebastian Morgenstern was a way better villian, since he had a single human quality: he wanted to be with his family, his sister and his brother. This brings us onto my next point

Both the villians and the heros both had very single-trait, non in-depth personalities, probably due to the amount of characters and arcs.

Emma: too unflawed. Her emotions are quite simple throughout the book (there could’ve been great inner turmoil about whether she could give up being shadowhunter to love/protect Julian). She killed a rider too easily- making her seem to powerful.

Julian: He was a pretty horrible person in this bk but in terms of character depth he’s not too bad. He loves his family and would do anything for them and it’s shown in a variety of ways. I’ve been comparing him to Cersei, since he’s on the whole “family is most important” and “manipulation” thing. However, considering that he’s practically been running the family, he should definitely sound less whiny and more mature.

Cristina: I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even remember what you did apart from sing lullabies and be attached to Mark. Her lack of more personality sucks because Kieran keeps saying she’s really nice and kind and stuff, but it’s not that supported really. She could’ve contributed way more to the fantastic love triangle, by trying to actively push Mark away because she’s seen how much Kieran loves him. Her selfishness here doesn’t lone up with her wanting to end the Cold Peace for both faeries and shadowhunter’s gain.

Mark: I hate him and love him. Cassie made a good decision in making him quite the douchebag, not quite loving Kieran as much as he loves him and not caring enough about Kieran’s feelings. But that makes him the most realistic of all characters: he feels regret since he’s practically ditched Kieran the minute he didnt need him (I mean there’s the whole “you made my brother and sister get tortured but you saved my other brother” thing which should’ve been Mark’s excuse to himself about why he’s not choosing Kieran, but he’s doesn’t and runs around with Cristina anyways. Interesting.

Kieran: I love him to much to make any judgement. Also he’s a faerie- they aren’t exactly “humans” and their emotions are more 2D so…

Ty: Better character compared to some others, and we now understand mildly how the twins and Kit work together as a team (since Kit needs to become one of the only people that understand Ty due to Liv’s death) . Also his loyalty to family as seen by the letter to Annabel. Cassie has laid great groundwork for him. Can’t wait for him to be a main character.

Kit: He and Ty need potential to evolve in the next series so I’m giving them some slack. I’ll do more analysis on their relationship later.

Liv: She loves her brother and is curious about Kit and she’s a generally more “realistic” character. Really thats it. I wish I felt tears for her death. I dont. Cassie could’ve developed her even more as a character, but then that would make her death more painful so. But her importance to Ty and the rest of the family is written enough that it would justify the changes that will happen due to her death.

Dru: TBH Cassie could’ve not spread the characters out so much that we’re kinda at a lost. Time spent writing about Dru could’ve been used on main-er characters, but Jaime needed an introduction. So did she. Looking forward to reading more about her in TWP.

Diego: A character with multiple loyalties! Yay!

Diana: It would’ve been way more influential if she had been forced by Julian to explain why she couldn’t apply for the institute instead of dropping it like a “bonus” story which makes her seem like then token LGBT character. It’s a great plot twist that couldn’t have seemed even more forced. It’s kinda sad that a brilliant character reveal was ruined

Gywp: He’s leader of the Wild Hunt and I know he’s in love with Diana but he’s not Magnus, who’s always had nothing better to do than help hot shadowhunters. (Jkjk)

Magnus/Alec/Jace/Clary: domestically cute and cameos that contribute to the main arcs.

Now, onto the more controversial topics:
Julian/Emma: This entire book is supposed to be about them balancing dealing for their love of each other with saving the world. It’s written in a whiny way and not nearly enough character (If you’ve read the Throne of Glass series, then you’ll understand- they needed the long-ass training scene between Aelin and Rowan). We never read about how they fall in love and that makes the emotions quite plastic…? It would’ve been fantastic to read more about how they fell in love instead of how they are insanely tortured now. It doesn’t emotionally appeal to me at all.

Cristina/Mark/Kieran: Words cannot express how much I fucking love this romance arc. It gives me so many feels, and half of them make me cry. I’ll analyse Kierark first. When it first debuted it felt like the “token hot gay ship thats thrown in for the fangirls to get off to”, but then as time passes we slowly learn how toxic this relationship really is. Kieran doesn’t love anything else in this world apart from Mark, having no family, no friends to love him. Whereas with Mark, he’s always been surrounded with love, with his half-brothers and sisters, Emma, Helen… etc. He doesn’t understand how much he means to Kieran, and Kieran definitely loves Mark more. In the Wild Hunt, it’s shown just how much Mark depended on Kieran to stay sane, which suggests, as Cristina says, that Mark owes a debt to Kieran. But it is not nearly that simple. Kieran’s love for Mark is what kept him sane, and love is unconditional in most cases, including this. It is undeniable that Mark, despite him having the possibility of not being in love with Kieran when they first become lovers, due to it merely being what he needed, it is certain that Mark does feel for Kieran. Even when Kieran betrays Mark, Kieran believes it to only bring Mark back to him. I see someone so broken that they’d do anything to have their lover back, not a selfish bastard who doesn’t cate about Mark at all. Kieran doesn’t understand “Family”, and in his defence the Blackthorns are a large enough family to survive without Mark. I’m not saying Kieran is entirely blameless, but its a totally understandable thing to want things to go back to how they used to be, and that is extremely human and (“I betcha you would have done the same”). Their love is insanely primitive and raw, and it is more of a “need” to both of them. Kieran needs someone to give him love, Mark needed someone to keep him sane.
Then we move onto Mark. For some reason, the faerie-blooded characters seem to act the most human in this series. Mark is a bloody douche for stringing Kieran on, while pursuing Cristina, but then that’s exactly what he craves. He needs someone to love him, in a simple way. He craves normality, and that comes in the form of Cristina, whom he finds himself attracted to, originally physical (he says he wants Cristina and that Kieran wouldn’t mind: he was not emotionally attracted to Cristina. But now that he’s spent time and realised how easy she is to love, he loves her). Kieran and Mark’s relationship is not just sexual, or romantic, or friendship, or brotherhood- it’s insanely complex and dependent and its toxic but they will never be able to remove the bond between them. They’ve experienced life and death together. But Mark doesn’t want to be burdened by such a heavy emotional relationship anymore, and that’s understandable, so he turns to Cristina. Kieran cannot bring himself to hate Cristina, since she wants the Cold Peace to end and that shows how much she cares for everyone and how she uncharacteristically wants to protect faerie rights despite being a shadowhunter. Cristina also oddly finds their relationship arousing instead of being jealous of Kieran, which leads to some of the fandom wishing for a polyamorous relationship. (Including me to an extent). On one hand Cristina could neutralise the toxicity of Kierark and also slowly teach Kieran to love other people, which would result in him not requiring the entirety of Mark’s love. (Cuz currently, Kieran love mark with 100% of his heart and wants Mark to do the same. If Kieran loved other people it would be less toxic, since Mark does HAVE to share his love with his family even if Cristina is out of the picture ) On the other hand, it would be great for Kieran to find someone who will love him as much or even more than he loves them. The smol deserves more love in his life, don’t you think? Also, I forgot to mention that Kieran does need to go back to the Wild Hunt, or he might become Unseelie King, and then Kierkark could actually be impossible, but I firmly believe they’ll always love each other, maybe not as much as before, but they’ve left quite the imprint on each other’s lives
(The stars will go out before I forget you, Mark Blackthorn)

Ty/Kit: LIKE THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL TY DOESN’T OPEN UP EASILY WHEREAS KIT DOES (he’s already attached to the Blackthorns) And Kit is so much more outgoing and cool and GAH its a great ship looking SO forward to TWP. (Srsly I have so much hopes for TWP cuz in my opinion TDA is a bit of a weak arc and the only redeeming characters seem to be Mark’s drama (I don’t think we’re going to see this in TWP I’m sad)

Gwyp/Diana: super cute and deserves more love

In conclusion:
I love Cassandra Clare’s style and how she can make character relationships insanely lovable. The fact that she always protects the characters all of us love from dying is great too. But @cassandraclare if you see this, please do consider these points made by a fangirl who is nitpicking a bit (I hope this series ends up as good as TID) for the greater good😂 (Also Diego/Kieran ain’t too bad of a ship either😏😂)

If you disagree with any of these, I am open to dicussions:) Just please don’t blindly hate on this: all of us are entitled to opinions, you have yours and I have mine. Let’s respect each other, okay?

Things I Regret

Now that I am soon to be an old, decrepit senior at MIT, I thought it might be interesting to explore some of the less-than-optimal decisions I’ve made in college. 

1. Trying to go for the computer science minor

I regret this, because 1) I ended up aborting this plan, and 2) it caused me to take 6.042: Math for Computer Science and 6.006: Algorithms which (especially the second one) had the overall effect of lowering my GPA while also not being very useful while also causing a lot of stress. I wish I had taken 2.008: Design for Manufacturing instead, and maybe an electronics class, or simply gotten ahead in my requirements to graduate for my Mech. E degree. I probably would have had a better academic performance and probably also *cough* a better quality of life…who knows, maybe because of it I’ll one day be gr8 at optimizing shit, but for now…*shrug emoji* I mean, it was just really unnecessary to try to do that, and I don’t know why I did, other than maybe thinking software engineering could be a financial back-up plan. But I really shouldn’t have been so concerned (there’s still enough perfectly well-paying jobs in mechanical engineering even if they don’t pander to you as much during career fairs or internships :P) 

I always have this problem where I get excited about stuff, and then distracted, and then intentionally put myself in a disadvantaged position, such as being a mechanical engineer in a computer science class *rolls eyes*. However it should be noted that I do not regret, for one second, taking 6.005: Elements of Software Construction, that class was awesome and very useful. I think maybe the great experience there is what inspired me to take the other two, although I had no idea so much sadness and theoretical math would be involved.

2. Taking 6.042: Math for Computer Science and 6.006: Algorithms

See Regret #1. 

3. Taking on too many activities

This one is a hard one because, of course all the communities I’m now a part of are beloved to me, but I definitely regret doing the in-between stuff that I really shouldn’t have, such as 1) an essay editing job freshman year 2) a community service work study job sophomore year (financial struggles, y’all) 3) not being able to say “no” when asked to help out with random events or other people’s projects and stuff. 1 & 2 especially probably also had the overall effect of lowering my GPA, I probably should have just urop’d more (or blogged more!) instead. I’m getting better at it though–I haven’t really committed to anything beyond the usual load in about a year, and communicate when I need to take time off from clubs to study and such. 

4. Not playing the GPA game well…

See #1, #2, and #3. Should not have taken unnecessarily hard classes (particularly ones outside my chosen field), should not have done too much outside of class…probably could have at least a 0.3 or more higher GPA ^^; 

5. Not going to class or recitation

This is one of the few I can use as a general note of caution to everyone heading into college: don’t do it!! just don’t!! Even if you’re in there sleeping, at least be there. There were points in the semester where I was just like “lol class is so not worth” but ultimately, I would end up regretting not going to 100% of lectures and recitations (or at least 90%, everyone has some sick days, interviews etc.) 

6. Not realizing all this sooner

…self explanatory…

7. Not asking more people for advice before making decisions

Part of the reason my academic path was so weird was that I chose a weird major, 2A-CIR, which is mechanical engineering with robotics. Because my advisor was in mechanical engineering only, I didn’t really know what I was getting into on the electrical/computer science front, and mostly chose classes based on what I thought, at the time, would be useful or helpful to pursuing robotics. It was only after a full 2 years of robotics UROPing that I realized I didn’t have to have as much mastery of software as I thought to perform well, and I ended up wishing I’d taken more electrical classes instead. I wish I had taken more initiative to talk to someone about my course load as it related to robotics (possibly my UROP supervisor, Julian, who’s been awesome to work with) and thinking a little more before picking classes. Then maybe I would have been swayed earlier to abandoning the computer science minor. 

8. Having regrets. 

At the end of the day, it’s hard to imagine anything happening differently. Someone once said to me the phrase, “if you knew better, then you would have known better”. Hindsight is always 20/20, and at a place like MIT, it’s hard to think clearly in the middle of a firestorm. Regret #5, missing classes, was almost never simply because “I didn’t feel like it”, but rather because I hated the class material (6.006, for example) and then, on top of that, would be having a particularly bad day or week (this was a huge problem in the fall when I had a flurry of life issues happen and would regularly visit MIT Mental Health). Regret #7, not asking for advice, could be solved with better advising for flex majors, like me, or better advising overall (MIT is actively working to make this better already, so it’s a known issue). Regret #1 and #2, taking those classes I hated, are related to #7, and Regret #6, not realizing sooner, is simply impossible to control–I couldn’t have possibly realized this sooner than I did given that everything happened the same way, unless I just had some magically good foresight.

And as for Regret #3, doing too many activities, well, if being more cautious in my clubs and activities meant that I wouldn’t have found the incredible people I spend most of my time with now, then I don’t regret that. Finding things I meshed well with and were worthwhile to me took time and energy. I don’t regret doing the Muti water project, or restarting the EESA, which led to teaching math to Habesha 6th graders in Roxbury this summer. In fact, those are probably the things I will remember most from college, and the things I’ve done that had the biggest, most immediate impact on the world while I’ve been in college. 

This is not to say that I’m not at fault or my mistakes were impossible to avoid–my takeaways from this are to maybe slow down a little bit, even when I’m excited, and think a little longer before making decisions. And I’m sharing that here so hopefully you (incoming freshmen and/or current college ppl) also take a little time when deciding on those important things (it is important!).

But you can never plan completely for everything in life, and I’m not dissatisfied with how it all turned out~ 

B is for Baby, Bye.

It may have been approaching my bedtime as unlike most people for me was around 9 p.m. thanks to being a mother who worked as much as I did. Work had been as tiresome as usual with me staring at the clock waiting for the time to tick until I was free and now I was stuck in my unusually lonely and quiet home, stuffing my face with all of the candy Julian had seemed to leave behind. I was sure it was a mistake but I didn’t plan on reminding him that he did.

Wired with sweets and treats, I knew I’d have to be up for at least another hour or moreso I wanted to be up another hour to finish the last few chapters of the book I had been trying to complete for the last few weeks. Now that I had a bit of time to myself, it was the perfect opportunity to sprawl out onto the king sized bed and drown myself in romantic literature.

With a lollipop in my mouth and a bottle of water in my hand, I grabbed the book off of the shelf with my free one and headed back upstairs to my sanctuary. Upon reaching the top of the steps, I could hear my Skype ringtone blaring out from my computer still set up open in the middle of my bedspread.

“Comiiiing,” I yelled as if the person on the other side of the call could hear me. I at least rushed my steps some so I wouldn’t miss the call, dropping my bottle of water onto the bed and turning the laptop to me so I could see who it was that was calling me before I answered. Seeing it was Julian, I quickly accepted the call before he could hang up.

“Took you long enough,” he huffed as soon as his face filled the screen.

“Wow. No hello or anything? Just a complaint? Same old Draxler. Where’s my baby?”

He pretended to be hurt while his mouth dropped with fake shock, clutching at the part of his shirt that covered his heart. “Wow,” he mimicked. “I thought I was your baby? Guess the romance is over officially.” Even with his dramatic sarcasm, he reached down out of the view of the webcam until he returned with the pretty little plump Julia, our six month old child.

One look at her and those cheeks and I was beaming from ear to ear and cooing like an entranced mother. “Awww. I miss her so much.”

“It’s only been two days,” Julian quickly reminded me.

“Two days is a long time to not kiss that cute little face. Juleeez,” I cooed her name to grab the attention of her wandering eyes but for the moment she was too busy staring up at her father as he held her in his lap in perfect view for me to see.

“She’s with her favorite parent. She’s alright.” Julian looked down at the small being in his hold and placed a kiss to her forehead. It made me incredibly jealous.

Being away from the two of them was turning out to be much harder than I thought it would be. I hated returning home to a clean home because Julian wasn’t here to drop his dirty clothing in the middle of the floor just so he could grab Julia away from whoever was watching her. I missed not listening to her boisterous cries when she was hungry or giving her her nightly bath.

With Julian completing a transfer to a new club, he had quickly found himself in a new city with about half of his belongings and our daughter who he insisted join him on the journey rather than staying back with me.

It wasn’t like we were going to be separated too long. I just had to complete another week of work and then I would officially no longer be an employee, able to finish packing up our belongings and move but that week seemed to be ticking away as slowly as possible. Being reduced to seeing the two loves of my life via webcam just wasn’t the same.

“Favorite parent? Right. Is that the favorite parent that fed her something with nuts in it though she was allergic?”

It was a joke but Julian quickly took offense as the protective parent he was. “I didn’t know it had nuts!” I giggled remembering the puffy cheeks of the baby as she took in the product and us freaking out as we rushed her to the doctor before figuring out what the problem was.

“I know, okay? I was just joking. But seriously you are not the favorite parent.”

“I am.”

I removed the lollipop from my mouth that had been tucked in my cheek obnoxiously as I talked. “What did you two do today?”

“Well I had practice so I had…” He began snapping his fingers, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to recall something. “What’s her name?” Julian questioned aloud.


He snapped his fingers with delight. “Sophia! Yeah her. She watched Julez while I was at practice.”

“How do you not know the name of the woman watching our daughter?” I laughed. I wasn’t too much worried about it considering she was someone I knew and also the wife of one of his new teammates.

“I can’t remember everything. I should have taken her with me. I think I’m gonna drop her off at the women’s team so she can get her medical too.” Still holding her up in his arms, he placed a mass amount of kisses to her cheeks.

Goodness, I missed those lips.

“She’s not playing football, Julian,” I sang out.

“And what will she play? Tennis like you? I don’t think so.”

“What?! Tennis would be great for her.”

“She can be anything she wants to be,” he said as he nuzzled her nose with his. “Besides a Bayern player. That’s where I draw the line.”

Conversation halted as the baby in his lap gurgled and soon released a mass of fluid against his chest, immediately causing Julian to groan and drop his head back with disappointment. “What is with you and my nice shirts, Julez?” His question went unanswered by the child though secretly I loved to think Julia absolutely loved throwing up on her father when given the chance or the upset stomach.

“Well. Gotta go. We love you. It’s bath time.” Julian stood up, careful with her in one hand and using the other to remove his now dirty shirt.

“Wow. Strip tease right before you hop off? Such a tease.”

“For about 30 million I’ll lose the pants too,” he chuckled. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And you too, Jul!”

gif credit to rawrzuhlind

Creepypasta #961: A Story About Julian

Length: Super long

When people find out I write horror, they always ask me, “What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?”

And I reply, “Probably the time I slipped in a hot tub and had an out-of-body experience. I almost drowned!”

But that’s a lie. That’s a lie I’ve been carrying for years and years now.

The scariest thing to ever happen to me goes like this –

There was a boy.

The boy’s name was Julian, and I was the only real friend – or as close to a friend as he could manage – he had, simply because I knew he was wearing a mask.

I know that you can’t really diagnose anyone under the age of eighteen as being a psychopath or antisocial or whatever, but there was something about him and I just knew.

Once he realized that I knew, Julian dropped the mask. I think he liked having someone to talk to without putting on the airs of being normal. I was a quiet person and a vault of secrets, even when one of the most popular boys in school was confessing all the manipulations and lies he spread in order to engineer some of the crazier drama at our high school. 

I’ve wondered about his motivations. Most of the people he embroiled in all of this were people he liked, at least on a shallow level, and when I asked once, he simply shrugged and said, “I wondered how they would react.”

And that was that. Like a scientist watching the movements of rats in cages.

He never thought of me like he did other people. He’d wind other people up, creating chaos with a casual word, and I’d get the commentary from my prime seat. I was his friend, his confidant, the one person he could be himself around. He was always confident and bombastic, with his megawatt smile and unreadable eyes. I accepted his attentions, because it was easier, and Julian rose to new heights.

Everything was fine for a while, before Caleb moved to town.

Caleb sat behind me in calculus, a bean pole type boy with acne and unflattering wardrobe choices. I did not really notice him at first – Caleb’s the sort of boy that blends into the background. I’m not entirely sure how he managed to sit quietly on the edge of Julian’s circles and circles of friends, but he ended up there and like so many, he fell for Julian’s lure.

Keep reading

The Mother of All PLL Theories.

In this theory I will tackle who Uber A is, who Charles is, who Varjak is, the Blonde twins, the Dollhouse, Labor Day, the Audrey Hepburn connections, who redcoat/black veil is, basically every question you have… I’m answering it in this post. If I can’t convince you who A is in this post, there’s no way to convince someone.

*Warning everyone ahead of time that tumblr wont attach the videos I uploaded, so I gave you guys youtube links to see the clips.

Charles is not Wren, nor Jason, nor is he Ted, Noel, Lucas, Andrew, or Ezra and here’s why:

Wren: Oh dear Wren, I’m going to make this one short, sweet, and to the point. Wren isn’t A, he never was, never will be and here’s why: The actor who plays Wren (Julian Morris) has been working on other projects since the filming of S6 began and even before that. He says he misses the cast, and it was also confirmed by @thatswhatAsaid that he hasn’t been on set. And, since Marlene has said that they made the hoodie extra large because they’re filming with the actual ACTOR now, purely by that he isn’t A. But, since I know most of the Wren is A people out there won’t accept that as an answer, here’s some more evidence that Wren isn’t A… 

1. He’s been with Melissa in England since season 4, and he was only IN one episode that season. We literally haven’t seen him since, and we can confirm he was with Melissa because in 5x21 Veronica called  him in the episode to set up meetings with Spencer at Oxford, which she attends. He’s also flatmates with Colin and Melissa, which were also confirmed. 

2. He’s never met Alison, he didn’t even come to Rosewood until the year after Labor Day when he came to the Hastings household as Melissa’s fiancé . 

3. He’s never been in a season finale, many of the most intense things happen during a season finale, it’s where we get answers and clues to who A is. 

4. He’s had hardly any scenes with anyone other than Spencer and/or Melissa. And, if he does have other scenes with the girls they’re most if not all medically related. 

5. Marlene said Big A wasn’t in the pilot episode, which also applies to Ezra, and Jason (Yes he was there, the character may have been re-cast, but he WAS there)

Now, was he ever on the A team? Quite possible, because we actually know how he helped them. In season 4 it was revealed that he and Shana were connected somehow, he was also seen talking on the phone with someone saying “You take care of yours and I’ll take care of mine.”  But here’s the thing, look at what what was happening around everyone, the past people that either helped A somehow, or crossed them in some way, either ended up run out of town or dead. Shana was a target because she was protecting Jenna from “A” (which I WILL come back to) and Wren and Melissa were both A’s target. Both Melissa and Wren did things for A and then they wanted OUT, this is mostly evident with Mona and Wren’s conversation in Radley. Wren asks how Mona feels about a picture and she just keeps brushing him off, Wren asks her why she stopped being honest with him, Mona replies by saying “That was before I realized where your loyalties were.” At this point, Mona had flipped sides, she was now on the liars team, and she knew Wren was helping “A” somehow, giving them access to Radley etc. and then… Poof. Hasn’t been seen since. 

Jason: This one is even easier to disprove. In the Season 5 ending, we see a video of Jessica holding a baby girl… She says to one of the boys “Want to Kiss your sister? Good boy, good boys” Now… In all Jason is A theories, Jason and Charles are twins. These boys are not identical twins. At all. Jason is Jason and Charles is Charles, he wasn’t murdered and switched at the hospital, he doesn’t have an angry twin out there somewhere. It’s also worth pointing out, Jason was tormented by A along with the girls i.e. getting dropped down a freaking elevator shaft, coming home and having booze cover his entire yard, and A made it even LOOK like Jason was A… Why the hell would he make himself look like A if he’s A… Also worth mentioning he had a reward out for information about Alison’s body, which A cashed in… To make the dollhouse. He was also Passed out drunk/high the night everything went down on Labor Day. Also, Drew Van Aker has been filming with the whole crew, including Keegan, Ashley, and Alison… Running AWAY from A in a car together (which I think was on snapchat? Someone can back me up on this one). So… Jason? Not “A” material.

Ezra: Easy enough to disprove… He was with the other bed buddies quite literally the entire time A was doing their thing. Oh, and Marlene said you would know if the liars or their bed buddies were A by the series finale. He was also writing his book since before he went to Rosewood, he was apparently such a bad sleuth he had to PAY someone to give him information on Alison and the girls… Information that actually turns out to be completely wrong.. Ezra? Not A. (And a god aweful writer… Seriously… )

Lucas: According to the video in the vault… Assuming one of the boys is Jason, and the baby is Alison. Lucas isn’t even near the age that Jason or Charles would be. Not only that, but Lucas hated Alison, was rundown by Toby, and he didn’t have a problem with the rest of the girls. Lucas? Not A.

Ted: Come on people… I know PLL may be confusing, but seriously this one may be more than a stretch than the Tippi the Bird is A theories. The whole anagram thing with the “Run Ali Ted is A” or something, do you guys know how many things you could spell out with Charles DiLaurentis? I’ll make this one simple too- In the season 3 Halloween episode, he was at home with Ashley all night while A murdered Garrett, planted Bethany’s dead body, and all around wreaked havoc on the girls in the Halloween train. That and there’s literally no motive. Does he even know the rest of the girls? Did he know Alison? Pastor Ted is a cool dude… But definitely not A. 

Noel: Also simple, same age as the girls and went to school with them long term… He helped Alison, doesn’t hate the girls, and has no motive. He also helped the girls figure out what happened to Maya after she went missing/murdered. So, Noel… You are NOT the A. (Try to say that in the “You are NOT the father” voice :D)

Andrew: Ahh the classic red herring… Simply put, while the girls were in the dollhouse old Andrew was tapping into Veronica’s calls at the Brew. He’s also the same age as the girls, so therefore disqualifying him from being Charles. But, I think he DOES have something going on, but it isn’t A related… It’s family related. The set decorater recently uploaded this photo… The DiLaurentis family own Andrew’s family farm, so he’s trying to get dirt on the DiLaurentis family, etc. and trying to get his family orchard back. Andrew? Sorry dude… Not A. (Although I will bet you a million dollars theyre going to make him look like A the minute Season 6 starts. Mark my words.)

And, just for the hell of it…. Toby, Caleb, Veronica, Peter, Ezra, and Andrew were seen together at the same time, Melissa was talking on the phone with Veronica so it disproves her as A, Alison is in Jail. And we’ve already been through the shit with Byron, it was disproved. Kenneth DiLaurentis is a freaking pitbull to anyone who even gets near Alison, not to mention he’s not even seen in almost the entire series, he just showed up when Alison was revealed to be alive. And I mean, the Fields are MIA pretty much all the time and A crashed a car through Emily’s house while Pam was in it. Ella got attacked by bees, poor Ashley Marin has been framed for murder and had to deal with Wilden, and don’t get me freaking started on what A has done to Jenna Marshall… Paige was already an A suspect, but she was being framed the entire time by Mona and Toby for Spencer to think she was A, she’s also in California. Eddie Lamb and Cyrus are probably as good as dead by now for what they gave up about A and what they know. 

So, now we run into a problem because… Wilden, Ian, Garrett, Shana, Maya, Jessica, Wren, Jason, Andrew, Lucas, Ezra, Caleb, Toby, PaigePeter, KennethByron, Ted, Wayne, Emily, Spencer, Aria, Mona, Alison, Hanna, Pam, Ashley, Ella, Veronica, Jenna, Noel, Melissa, Eddie, Mike, and Cyrus.

Ladies and gentleman, Charles is not a character we know. Probably because, he’s dead. D-E-A-D dead. When Marlene says “Charles is A” she’s kind of toying with people, he isn’t technically A, but he IS one of the main reasons for A being A. In true Marlene King fashion, she’s telling us part of the truth… But not the WHOLE truth. Now, above you… I just basically debunked every theory possible about a PLL character, all… Except one. Cece Drake. 

If you want to know how I think Charles is dead, head over to my other theory here: http://theplltheorist.tumblr.com/post/117074394589/charles-dilaurentis-is-dead

I think all of us know deep down A was always a woman. As Noel put it, “Guys have a fight, there’s a punch, it’s over. Girls don’t fight fair. They gang up, keep secrets, plot. They can cut you down with a look.” On the show, it was said and proved over, and over, and over, and over… A was a woman. The red coat, black veil, etc. even Mona said in the lodge fire, “I’ll never know who SHE was.” 

I mean literally over… 

And over…

And over…

Now, lets start at the (sort of) beginning… With Mona the “Original A” she was never THE A. Mona said she did it because the liars were taking Hanna away from her… I’m sorry but Hanna and Mona didn’t become friends until AFTER Alison disappeared. Mona saw something that someone was doing and wanted to do it too, and when THE A came back and stole the game from her, it was no longer Mona’s game. In fact, there was a moment in the season 2 finale that stuck out to me. When Mona fell off the cliff, failing to get Spencer on the A team, they descover that she’s alive and her watch goes off. It’s a very symbolic scene because that was the moment the game changed, her time as A was over.

Now, in season 2… They were introducing the character of Vivian Darkbloom, aka Alison/Cece’s disguise. Here’s the funny thing, Cece was there, they were slowly introducing THE A to us without even knowing it. Case and point, the phone number they found in the red coat. And even more telling, this scene in the 2x25 ending.

Now, that lady descending down the stairs in a full red dress and mask in TOTAL focus of the camera was 100% put there for a reason… And ready to blow your minds here? 5x25 an 2x25 parallel.

Also, if you listen to Mona’s monologue in the 2x25 finale… It’s two entirely different people talking: 

“I know they’re watching me. I don’t look bad considering. I like this lipstick, what’s it called? Toffee Tango?” 

“They think it’s over, loser Mona’s going to the nuthouse and those precious liars are going home to sleep with their windows open and their doors unlocked. Don’t they know that’s what we want?”

It goes from first person to third person and there’s a sudden voice change RIGHT when the conversations change.

Now, if you want more proof that Cece/Red Coat/Black Veil was introduced in season 2 and going on into season 3, you can read that here:


But, if all of that doesn’t convince you Cece Drake is, was, and always will be big A. Take these things into consideration:

1. Cece Drake came into the show knowing literally everyone and everything… And everything about everyone. The first CONVERSATION she has involves dolls, Melissa, the Liars, and a freaking quote Alison said to Hanna in the hospital. Oh and conveniently, she knew about Hanna’s shoplifting problem… Which not even Alison knew because she disappeared when they started. (Someone’s been talking to Mona in Radley, eh?)

2. She knew Alison was alive the entire time and proceeded to lie about it to everyone, saying Wilden killed her, giving Spencer’s name to Holbrook who in turn let her escape. Yeah, him going all creepernova just so happened to be quite LITERALLY after he talked to Cece. He also just happened to fall into a bunch of photos of Alison being Alive in Ravenswood after Cece conveniently just says “Alison, she’s alive. And I can prove it.” Cece just sold Alison out, with physical proof, while saying she killed Wilden, and told Holbrook that Spencer killed Bethany. You. Can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up. 


3. She was a master manipulator, using Paige and Alison’s history to make Spencer and the girls think she was A. Now, isn’t it so hilariously convenient that Cece would mention this RIGHT when Mona and Toby just so happened to be framing Paige as A under the direction of Redcoat?

4. Knew about the NAT club and what they were doing and what they were filming (Don’t you just love how the whole NAT club is dead and Jason and Emily almost died down an elevator shaft the minute they found the photo of Wilden, Ali, and Cece, therefore proving Cece was lying about not knowing Wilden?)

5. This is probably one of my favorite Cece scenes because of the context… The things that stick out the most? “No one knew she was… Dead” um yes honey, you knew she wasn’t dead, you knew the whole damn time.

And then the bombshell:

“It didn’t help that you broke up with me the next day” –J

“I had my reasons.” –C

“Care to explain?”-J

“I really don’t think you want me to do that” –C

So, Cece just happened to break up with Jason unexpectedly the day after Alison went missing (and the day Sara Harvey was abducted) and then all of a sudden… Like a magician (see what I did there?)… Uber A disappears and Mona took over as A the year after. Then suddenly, the minute the girls find the red coat in season 2, it begins again. Uber A makes arrangements to come back and Red Coat arrives in all her glory to steal the game back in season 3. Conveniently, in season 3 someone else came back to Rosewood abruptly for no reason whatsoever, Cece Drake.

It’s also worth mentioning again how this means Jason isn’t A, just from the scene alone where he’s fighting with the person who he paid 50k to give him info on Alison’s body whereabouts that A stole (with Mona’s help). He thought Ali was dead, he thought her body was stolen, and he was still struggling with her “death” long after it happened.


Bonus Points from that little “You know there’s a liquor store around the corner. maybe you should stop by and grab a drink.”



Nice one, Cece.

6. Cece has a thing about masks… I mean she REALLY has a thing about masks…

It’s oddly convenient that Cece and A are the only ones who have been shown to have Alison masks. She also just had them handy during the Christmas episodes to help herself and Ali slip out… Which we STILL don’t know where they went off to. And when you think about it, who the hell did Ali do that mask thing for?

7. Redcoat/Black Veil okay, there has been so much confusion with the red coat and black veil thing. I’m going to make this nice and easy for you. They’re the same person. Same person, different alias/different disguise. Red Coat stole the game from Mona at the end of 2x25 when Mona first got into Radley. She says to the red coated figure “I did Everything you asked me to”

Now… Later on in season 4x01 when Mona told the girls she saw Cece and thought it was Alison and she couldn’t remember what they talked about because they changed her meds, Marlene says Cece was never there and Mona imagined it. I call complete bullshit because of the things that happened in 3x23… Wren finds Spencer in the childrens ward of Radley and he sees that she found Cece’s and Mona’s visitors pass. Wren authorized the pass Cece had, saying he was almost suspended for it, Cece was apparently desperate to see Mona and Cece told him that she could help Mona heal because she went through the same sort of thing with Alison getting her kicked out of UPenn and came out the other side. Read that again. Alison, whom Cece basically has “protected” and “helped” since forever, was the one who hcaused her to have a mental breakdown… Which is confirmed ALSO in the episode 4x10 when Aria went to meet with Cece’s roomate. Somehow, the roomate knew exactly who Aria was, saying Cece hated them all for their part in getting her kicked out of UPenn, saying it stayed pretty fresh in Cece’s mind. 

From everything we’ve seen and know of Cece, they contradict. What she acts like is not necessarily what she thinks like. Except when threatening people, like in 3x07 when she threatened to claw Jenna’s eyes out, knowing very well Jenna was in fact blind before, or going straight for Jason’s weakness; his drinking.

8. Now, this is something I think people are going to enjoy a lot. A has a pattern, yes, a pattern. Hitting people on the back of the head. I will list the number of people hit on the back of the head: Alison, Bethany, Jenna, Toby, Hanna, Shana, Officer Barry Maple… Speaking of Jenna, Shana, and Officer Maple, in 5x01 Holbrook reveals that Cece escaped custody and officer Barry was found knocked unconscious on the side of the road and escaped. And as for Jenna, well… In 4x09 Jenna was hit on the back of the head and almost drowned. Conveniently, when Spencer asks Shana who Jenna is afraid of, she replies “Cece Drake” you know what else is convenient? This look Cece gave Jenna when Spencer was playing truth in the exact same episode before she was bashed over the head. Later on, Shana suffered the same fate after it was revealed she was protecting Jenna from her.

9. Audrey Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn references EVERYWHERE. Lets start with a NEW Audrey Hepburn movie that was actually referenced in season 3, before Holly Golightly/Varjak was even mentioned. Remember that anklet Alison had on in 3x06? The one Spencer and Jason find at April Rose antiques? So, there’s an old Audrey Hepburn film called “Love in the Afternoon” well, here. I’ll let the scene talk for itself:

Now, in the PLL version, Spencer has a flashback of her and Alison talking. Spencer notices the anklet and asks if it was from one of her nameless boyfriends, Alison replies “no” and says it’s from a friend. When Spencer asks which friend, Alison coyly replies “You don’t know her” and from the look of the anklet… You should know exactly who it was from.

Now, onto Holly Varjak, Cece was literally dressed EXACTLY like Holly Golightly (Varjak) when she left for Paris… As Vivian Darkbloom. (They even recreated the SCENE)

In the Audrey Hepburn references they make, such as “My Fair Lady” (I’m a good girl, I am) “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” (Holly Varjak/Golightly), and “Love in the Afternoon” (Anklet) Audrey is a somewhat promiscuous character who is being molded by a more powerful character in the story lines, they mold Audrey into what they want Audrey to be. Just like what Cece was doing to Alison. Alison didn’t even KNOW about the Varjak passports or who Varjak was. Speaking of Cece leaving, it brings me to my next point.

10. Cece knows all things French, she can speak it, act it, and apparently she’s an Edith Piaf fan, evident by her very dramatic depatrure in 5x01 while she was in the airport, dressed as Holly Golightly/Varjak… While an Edith Piaf song plays… As she speaks fluent French…. And not just ANY Edith Piaf song, “Non je ne Regrette Rien” roughly translated it means “No, I regret Nothing”. Why would they play this song as she’s leaving… Really, why? Oh and heads up, when Cece left, there was NO A ENDINGS FOR 5 WHOLE EPISODES. Varjak and Piaf go together. Every time. Just like when Emily found the number on the  pizza box at the Varjak house and called it, the caller on the other side played Edith Piafs “Sous le ciel de Paris”

11. Cece’s literal JOB was dressing people up in a boutique like dolls, and she enjoyed it entirely too much. Not to mention, Spencer was attacked by a snake, convenienlty while Cece went to “check on things”. Paige was also framed in the boutique because someone slipped Maya’s earring into her bag, because I mean whay the hell not? She already has Spencer where she wanted her, telling her that Paige and Alison faught and painting a bad picture of Paige. And when I mean she loved to dress people up… I more or less mean she wants to dress them up exactly how she wants them to look… From hair to dress to shoes. Sound familiar?


12. The girl was seriously getting money from everywhere, and when she wasn’t talking about it, she was making plans to get it. Hence the fashion show that she put together, and also the fact that Ezra was paying her literally thousands of dollars for information on Alison (revealed in “Now You See Me, Now You Don’t). Information that got Ezra nowhere with because Cece was controlling everything Ezra knew did and din’t know. They made it an actual point to show that Cece needed “serious cash” as she put it. Cash for, I don’t know, building a dollhouse for a year or so? And if you want my honest opinion, I think she got Mona or Toby to retrieve the 50k that Jason was offering for information on Alison’s remains. Also in the episode “Bring Down The Hoe” as Ashley Marin is hooked for Wilden’s murder, Hanna gets an envelope full of money in her locker with a note that said “Maybe this can help your mom”. Later at the dance, Hanna meets Travis who tells him that it was HIM who put the envelope in her locker. Travis said he saw Ashley Marin drive off when Holbrook called to get the car out of the lake. When he arrived, he heard gunshots and saw a blonde running through the woods, he got so scared he ran back and left his truck. Later, the truck mysteriously arrived with an envelope full of cash, in the same envelope from Diva Dish… I think Cece was hoping a bribe would shut Travis up, but it didn’t.

Ezra was also paying Cece thousands of dollars for information on Alison, even though she knew exactly where Alison was the entire time. (Revealed in Now You See Me, Now You Don’t) 

Unfortunately, when Ezra realizes the lair he had in Ravenswood was visited by the girls, Ezra realizes Cece led them there (Well it was Alison but Cece had to say it was her so he wouldnt know she was playing both sides). And in 4x16 Cece told Ezra she was done helping him with his book, Ezra then blew up about the girls seeing his lair and leading him to nothing- Cece screwed him over.(Side note: Exactly how many cars does Cece have? The Bug, Red Convertible, and this one?)

13. Alison has always been Cece’s favorite. No other character on the entire show could say that about Alison. She also has a love/hate relationship with her, just like A does. She tortures Alison, but Alison is still her favorite, even after Ali got her kicked out of UPenn and god knows whatever else. She acts as a mentor and big sister figure, however bad it was for Alison to be following her… Alison was her mini-me in every possible way… Only Cece was insane and obsessed with her friendship. From going to Radley dressed as Alison, to daring Eric Kahn to steal a car (when she called the cops on him while he did it) to murdering Wilden, something is VERY off about her.

14. She has: A black hoodie, black leather gloves, and boots. (Which STILL HASNT BEEN EXPLAINED BTW!)

A Red Coat and Alison mask.

And then… We’ve got episode 3x03… Red Coat BUYING black hoodies and gloves for a team.

15. Mrs. DiLaurentis, poor Mrs. DiLaurentis. Okay, this one isn’t as complicated as everyone thinks it is. Okay so I need to list you a few things that happened leading up to 4x24 when Mrs. D inevitably dies. 1. In the episode “unbridled” 4x23 Mrs. D has bought clothes for someone from Neilan’s department store (the same one from the yellow tops and oh so conveniently the name of the “lawyer” that A hired to fake out the girls?) and later during the episode, Mrs. D hands off a suitcase to someone in the woods. Spencer sees this and follows, soon enough she follows who she thinks is A into the woods, but that A did NOT have a suitcase. So, there were two out that night. One was Cece, the other was Shana. You know how I know? Cece is seen in the very next episode in the exact shirt that Mrs. DiLaurentis bought her and she’s arrested for the murder of Wilden. Someone turned her in… Shana. Shana witnessed Cece shooting Wilden, and that is backed up by Travis’ testimony. Now, in 4x24 as Cece is being led out in handcuffs, Jessica and Cece exchange looks… They look like both of them are hiding something. Jessica finds out that Alison is alive. That’s not good for Cece. Hence the “I can’t protect you anymore” email that Jessica was going to send to someone. Now, how do I know that was meant for Cece? Because it was meant for the person who forced Jessica to bury Alison. When Cece hit Alison, Jessica rushed out, Cece then forced her into burying Alison, all while saying “What have you done” over and over. Jessica, should she ever rat Cece out, would be taken down with the ship as well. Jessica buried Alison alive, the MINUTE Jessica was told that Alison was alive, that was the moment she was off the hook. But, Cece was on it, Cece was the one who hit Ali over the head, and Jessica was going to exose her for what she did. Another thing, Alison gets a text video from A saying “I buried her the same way I watched her bury you” with a video of A filling up Jessica’s grave. So, whoever hit Alison, killed and buried Jessica. And if it were Jason, why the ever living hell would Jessica protect him, causing him to murder her to keep quiet about it? You don’t say “Oh, my son accidentally hit and made me bury his sister so naturally when I find out my daughter is alive, I will rat them out after protecting them for this long.” No. Nope, no, nien, niet. She was being blackmailed.

16. Mona… Ahhh Mona, my favorite pseudo-psychopath and Alison doppleganger at the moment. Mona had a plan for trapping A, the mistake was underestimating A. First rule of PLL, you DO NOT understimate A. The minute Mona switched sides in the fire at the Lodge, she was a target for A, if there’s anything on this show you don’t want to do, it’s get in A’s way. Hence why she tortured and almost killed Hanna by leaving her in the fire (now that red coat blow torch scene makes sense, right?) A knew all about Mona’s little plan to “trap” A. And there’s the thing everyone pointed out, in the 5x12 finale, you can tell that theer’s a real blonde and a fake blonde going up the stairs. The fake blonde was the set up for the cameras, I think the real blonde slipped Mona something to go into a coma-like state and kidnapped her after the entire thing happened. Cece (or Varjak/A/whatever) calls Cyrus to tell Ali to meet him in the woods, which he never shows. Ali waits for housrs alone and when she gets back she realizes Mona was “murdered” A told Cyrus to ask Ali in the middle of nowhere because she needed to give Alison absolutely NO alibi when the police ask her about where she was when Mona was muredered. And, it works. 

17. Cece is connected to every freaking event in the show, from the lodge fire, killing wilden, labor day weekend, Vivian Darkbloom, the first secret, the passports, Radley, Jessica, Alison’s dissapearance, Paige and Alison’s fight, Ezra being A, Mona being A, Spencer’s snake incident, if you think of an event… You can pin Cece to it in one or two steps. She was there Labor Day weekend, even Cece herself said she was there and met with Melissa, but she LIED when she said she talked to Alison after because Alison was hit over the head after Melissa and Cece’s little talk. Oh, and Jason was just dropped down the elevator shaft the minute after he said Cece was there that night Ali went  missing and after they discovered Cece knew Wilden. Which she lied about, again. While at the same time Emily and Jason found out, Cece left Wesley and Aria at the boutique for literally hours, when all of a sudden Aria gets a phone call from Cece  as she’s sitting in her car, yet she tells Aria she got her car towed. The Same. Time. As. The. Elevator. Accident.

18. Cece and “Charles” have an odd habit of disappearing…

19. Cece was prom queen the year Melissa and Ian went to prom, aka the one they recreated in the dollhouse.

20. She was at the Ice Ball, and according to the photos A had in the dollhouse, they were there as well. It was also when the liars found the Varjak passports in the DiLaurentis house and the fake Bethany Letters that framed Alison… Annnnnnd also when poor Hanna was knocked unconscious… Again.

21. She was there Labor Day weekend and there the night everything went down… Yet we still don’t know why the hell she was there dressed up as Alison. She knew about the flash drive, Alison and Spencer fighting, Spencer’s drug problem, Melissa, and where Alison was the entire time. When Emily asks Cece why she lied about being there when Alison disappeared, Cece said Melissa called her about the flash drive and asked Cece to talk to Ali and get them “so I did” and that’s again where she’s caught in a lie. That never happened. Alison locked the flash drive away in a storage unit and gave Emily the snowglobe with the key earlier that day. So… What the actual hell was she doing there?

Labor Day Weekend and the Building of the Dollhouse

This part of the theory is going to reflect what I think happened Labor Day and the night everything went down. 

As I watched 6x01 I noticed something peculiar, when they showed Sara Harvey in her room there were little notches tallying what I can only assume is every day she had been locked in the dollhouse. From what I counted, she has been there since the day she went missing, which also means that the dollhouse had to have been built before Labor Day… But here’s the weird thing, that room she’s in looks like absolute crap compared to the rest of the dollhouse. This means the rest of the dollhouse with the liars rooms, high tech equiptment, etc. wasn’t built until AFTER everything happened Labor Day, and the dollhouse where the Liars rooms were started construction in Season 3 when the game was stolen from Mona. And to build those rooms, you’d need a hell of a lot of money to do it. Okay so now lets get into the Bethany Young death and why she was there Labor Day. According to episode 4x10 “The Mirror Has Three Faces” Hanna and Spencer talk to Jessica about Dr. Palmer. They ask Jessica if Dr. Palmer was her doctor, when she says the name sounds familiar she says “If I know who you’re talking about, I have only met him once” They then go back in a flashback. Jessica comes storming in, obviously agitated, when Alison asks what was wrong Jessica replied by saying “I get a phone call this afternoon ‘we have your daughter here,’ they tell me.’We think she may be a danger to herself. She wants to stay here.’ So I run about three stop signs. I’m trying to get your father on the phone. I’m terrified that you’ve hurt yourself. Then I get there she’s dressed head-to-toe in your clothing, but it’s not my daughter sitting in Radley.It’s Cece Drake.” And this is where it all begins. So as we know, Bethany Young was a patient in Radley- we also know from that scene, Cece had been in Radley also. That’s where she met Bethany and started to think of a plan… A plan to kidnap Alison and keep her in the dollhouse. So from what we’ve heard on the tapes from Bethany’s time in Radley, in 5x12 Bethany said “I thought she really liked me but everthing she said to me was a lie. Every word, every visit was a lie. I wonder if I can trust anyone in that family. Is it like mother like daughter?” Cece had found Bethany while she was in Radley, she called herself “Alison DiLaurentis” the two bonded but she was feeding Bethany lies, saying Jessica was dating her father, prompting Bethany to become violent towards Jessica. This is why Jessica freaked out when she got a phone call from Radley and told Alison to stay inside, Jessica knew Bethany was violent and could possibly hurt her. Cece had given Bethany the yellow top and Alison bracelet that night because Bethany was going to serve as Alison’s body double, and as Alison’s “murderer”. That’s right. That’s also why Alison, Bethany, and Cece were all wearing the same outfit on, should anyone see one knocking the other out, no one would know who is who. The plan was to kill Bethany, bury her in the Alison bracelet and clothes, then kidnap Alison to put her in the dollhouse, everyone would think Alison was dead and Bethany killed her but instead… This happened: Cece knocks Bethany out with the shovel, she hides her body in the bushes and hears Spencer and Alison fighting. After that fight, Melissa investigates and sees Bethany’s body, Melissa then moves Bethany’s body and starts burying her in the gazebo. At that time Cece probably went back to where she left Bethany, when she realizes Bethany is missing, she thinks Bethany may have regained consciousness and probably goes around looking for her everywhere. Then all of a sudden, she sees Alison walking back to the house, and from behind- Cece thinks Alison is Bethany. Cece picks up a rock and knocks Alison out so hard she probably thought she killed her, which is exactly what she wanted to do to Bethany. Jessica witnessed it and Cece forces her to bury Alison there, her entire plan had backfired on her and the only thing she wanted out of that night was the one she almost killed. So, with Bethany dead and Alison on the run, Cece picked Sara up the next day to be her Alison in the dollhouse and there she stayed… For the two years she said she was in California she was keeping Sara in the Dollhouse. Again, someone who was in Radley showed Mona how to get IN and OUT of Radley, someone who had been there before showed her how. Someone who is A also has to know where to get all those yellow tops, and whoever A is set Alison and Bethany up, and I can guarantee you… Cece was NOT one to be tricked, she was the one to set it up.

Who is Charles DiLaurentis? Who are the blonde twins? Why is Marion connected to all of this?

Now, this is the tricky part. Cece has to somehow beconnected to Marion, Bethany, Charles, and Sara as well. Something that always stood out to me is exactly A’s relation to Marion and Toby, A actually HELPS Toby to find out what happened to his mother in Radley. Now, you wanna hear something funny? Cece is the only character on the show other than Mona and Spencer who we know was actually ever admitted into Radley and is still living. Ever. Marion and Bethany are dead. If you want my honest opinion, I think Cece knew Marion and Bethany, Bethany may have been the one to kill Marion Cavanaugh, which Wilden and Jessica proceeded to cover up. Now, who is Charles to Cece? I have a theory for that too, if you remember a long time ago we were told a story of twins, blonde twins. This is Cece’s story, she was the blonde twin that stabbed her sister and she was then put in Radley for it as a child. There, she met Marion and Charles. I believe whoever Charles was in the DiLaurentis family, he may have been violent towards Alison, possibly being the one to break Alisons arm when she was younger and was then put in Radley. Marion was a nurse at Radley, she cared for Cece and Charles, they all became very close.Jessica also went on the board in Radley, she probably did it behind Kenneth’s back to see Charles, there she met Cece and noticed how close the two children were. This explains the yellow dress from the PLL Christmas episode, Jessica was buying presents for Cece and Charles for Christmas and if Kenneth found out, he would leave them. So, since Marion cared for Cece and Charles and acted as a guardian, Cece figured out that Bethany was the one to murder her… That’s why Cece chose Bethany to kill and take in Alison’s place as a body. If any of you wondered why Jason didn’t have any baby pictures/pictures when Jason was little… That’s why. Charles was in it with them. I think honest to VanderJesus truth is that the DiLaurentis family had something to do with Charles’ death. 

Spread it like wildfire.

UPDATE: I had no idea how fast this theory was going to spread, I appreciate every single question and comment and I’m so glad you love it, and even if you don’t agree with the theory completely, I really appreciate you taking some time out to read it :) 

If you want to follow/talk with me on twitter, my twitter handle is @RWatkinsphoto

Max Warren

Sorry for the long opinion piece but I couldn’t stop myself.

Just wanted to get this off my chest. I understand why people are not that into the whole McxMax relationship he really hasn’t shown us any reason (especially in the main quests) to believe he’s anything but a self absorbed jerk. But I think some people are ignoring the fact that Julian, Mia and Kara were no angels themselves.

Now we never really got to see Julian’s full on bully side but in the beginning he definitely had some anger issues and would often resort to violence (or attempt to as our MC usually stopped him…) not to mention Nishan was pretty much terrified of him before they worked out their issues by playing chess together. We only ever really saw the redeemed Julian working to be a better person which is why he is now so likable.

Mia we saw a little more of her mean side and then she got a whole redemption quest where she literally went around and apologized to everyone for the mean things she had done. Her bad behaviour was attributed to being under Kara’s thumb as well as her family’s general attitude (which, after completing the date,  seems to be pretty messed up). Now we see her as this badass cheerleader that can stand up for herself and others around her.

Kara’s storyline I don’t really recall in great detail but she was terrible to everyone at our MC’s school and I’m pretty sure one of the things she said her and Max had in common is that they used to make fun of people together (and the way she said it as something positive in their relationship means she probably enjoyed it). I know one argument is that Max was probably really sweet in the beginning of their relationship and then showed his “true colours” but this makes me think that they were both on the same level. Kara also said that Max only ever cared about her being head cheerleader but do you think (at that time in her life) she would have dated him if he wasn’t the star football player? The whole Hearst School seems to be pretty into status. Now, and I don’t really remember how this all went down, but all of a sudden she has feelings for Nishan? I can’t imagine she was all that nice to him at Hearst but people seem okay with their possible relationship.  Again this bad behaviour seems to be blamed on her relationship with Max which honestly seems a bit like a cop out because she was mean to our MC even without him around and was especially terrible to Payton which I doubt was something Max wanted or even cared about.

Which brings me back to Max. He comes from and wealthy well connected family and he’s the big man on campus and he acts like a complete asshat but that’s the ONLY side we’ve seen from him. Mia even admits that he was really good to her when all their family drama with their mom was going on. After the date it seems to me that he is probably putting up (a bit) of a front. There’s no denying he’s cocky and self-centered but that doesn’t make someone a bad person (annoying, maybe). It’s clear from both Mia and Max that their dad puts a lot of pressure on them to be the best at everything and to win at all costs. Now I can’t imagine that wouldn’t mess with most people. Mia has had a chance to get out from under her Dad’s control and see that there are more important things than winning. Also I imagine with Mia’s transfer the pressure on Max has increased 10 fold which may explain his escalating cruelty towards our MC and Friends. I am not excusing his behaviour (especially at that party we had to throw him) but just trying shed some light on why he acted so over the top. His father probably hates our MC and the school especially now that they got Mia to transfer there and I’m sure all Max hears at home from Mr. Warren is hate and anger towards them, and unfortunately Max is unlucky enough to still need his father’s approval. Mia has moved on, a bit anyway, but Max is still in the thick of Mr. Warren’s influence simply because all he wants is to make his father proud (like most kids out there) not to mention all his life his mean behaviour has been rewarded by his father, his school and everyone around him. It’s all he’s ever known and it would be difficult to pull yourself out of that cycle if no one helped you which is exactly the chance Julian, Mia and Kara have all had thanks to our MC.

I will say that if we don’t see some of the softer side of Max in the main quests it would be difficult to continue believing the date Max we have been introduced to, who for the most part treated our MC quite well. The mistakes that he made, for example pushing the kid into the pool, he seemed genuinely surprised that the MC wasn’t into it because any other time he’s done something like that everyone probably cheered and when he was shown to be wrong he admitted he overreacted and apologized (which is something Julian had to do for his temper in the early quests). And sure during bowling he is obnoxious about the win but I would be a liar if I didn’t say that I myself have a competitive streak that can get out of hand even if it is just a friendly game (I do have to actively try to keep it in check). So I suggest that Pixelberry actually starts trying to redeem Max in the main quests so that it is clear he isn’t satan himself otherwise I would agree they are promoting what would surely turn out to be an abusive relationship. To be clear I’m not asking them to turn him into some hopeless romantic I like his edge a little, I like rolling my eyes every time he says something so overconfident and ridiculous but at the same time smile at his pure confidence (and confidence is sexy on anyone). I’m a fan of the sarcasm and banter back and forth it can be fun especially because our MC can match him (personally I love a good argument). He also seems to be a loyal person and maybe right now he’s pledged his allegiance to the wrong team (think Draco Malfoy). He has good qualities but tends to channel them the wrong way. It can be scary on top when you can’t even count on your Dad to help you out if you fall from grace I mean look what he has done to Mia because she defied him.

Okay rant over. This honestly became longer than I ever intended. If anyone read this to the end whether you agree or not, thanks!

anonymous asked:

Who is your favourite character from the secret history?

this NOT easy at all, since the thing i appreciate the most along with the aesthetic in that novel, is totally the complex nature of the characters - who i all love for something.

probably my “most favorite” would be charles. pre-murder charles tho, the charming, intelligent, charismatic, open-hearted boy with a scandalous secret - his relationship with camilla, which is the one and only and most important thing of his whole life. and that’s why i didn’t like really much his turning into this drunk, violent, anxious and lost human being. not that i didn’t appreciate his darkened soul; the thing i absolutely despised about all this was his behavior regarding camilla, his abusive and violent behavior towards the same twin sister he lived for and that he feared so to even hurt a little, touching her wound a few months earlier, while he was trying to help her. and moreover their ending, divided, alone, pretending not to live for each other anymore. that’s a thing i deeply hated about the final development of them both. i totally do not found it natural or even ok for them to live apart from each other.

i also loved camilla’s character. her being apparently so ethereal, and fragile, and kind, and quiet and then finding out during the bacchanal she was the first, the most furious, the wildest, the more lascivious of them all - discovering her incestuous relationship with her brother, discovering her uncanny love for henry. her violent desires.. she was really a revelation to me along all the novel and i’m really found of those contradictions in her soul. but again, without charles i think she lost her particular charm, the most important part of herself, so i totally do not get this development decision for them both.

francis is the one i can relate the most to tbh. he’s a lost soul too, but in a far less loud way. you can see it in everything he does and in everything he is, but never hear it from his mouth. on the contrary, he would always be the most perfect on the outside, elegant and charming, but easy going; intelligent and with a dark side too, but always trying to bright things up nevertheless. the one with a really desperate life background, but not in a way other people would notice easily. on the outside his life appears golden, his demons lies under luxurious carpets, in the twisted glimmering of black diamonds. his relationship with his mum, who refuses to see who actually her son really is to the point of making up even his flaws, even his imperfections - a drug addicted yes, gay never. there is huge tragedy in francis existence, made even more tragical to the fact that everyone seems to believe he has no reason to call it a tragedy. no reason to complain. no reason for wanting to die. and i think donna tartt here got really well the terrible reality of this condition, shared by so many people, and being dealt with in silence - the feeling of not being in right, even allowed, to suffer. why are you depressed? you are faking it obviously, you have no reason to be, your life is perfect, you are making a big deal about stupid matters.. that’s the most terrible thing someone could ever experience in their lives, not being allowed to suffer, to not being ok, to be themselves. and that’s who francis is. someone who’s never allowed to be truly himself, not in his sexuality, not in his virtues and not even in his flaws. and i love him realy much for that, because i know how it feels like.

and here we are with henry. for henry i had really contradictory feelings. i hated him when i started reading tsh. then somewhere in the middle i realized the first impression i always give to others and that many of my friends tried for years to explain to me, was actually the same he’s portrayed with. and in that moment, after having wondered why, i eventually started to truly understand him. because henry might seem the villain of the story, but he is not. he’s the real victim. henry is a cursed soul. he’s a genius, with the deepest intelligence, and because of that he’s always being awfully bored, awfully misunderstood and awfully alone. because everyone with a mind like that is always alone in his genius. and that’s a doom, something that makes you feel dead inside, something that sucks away every possibility of joy in your life. so obviously henry’s quest was to free himself from this terrible condition. how? finding someone more than him, desperately wishing to have found someone more than him, someone to look up to. and for him, this marvelous figure is julian. the eccentric, wise, charismatic ancient greek professor, finally someone to refresh his soul with, finally someone more intelligent, to entrust himself to. and when this most beloved and worshiped figure suggests you the most amazing and interesting and golden and honored of ways of distraction, summoning a god, being a god’s favorite, you obviously say yes. and when you do kill twice for an higher purpose, being someone like henry, someone bored to death by the inadequacy of his own existence if compared to his brain, then you feel finally free. finally your life has a meaning, finally the era you are trapped in opens its gates and you can finally be who you really are, starting to feel and to love and to like life for the first time. so his behavior in the all matter to me sounds like the most justified. when all the others did it out of fear of jail or as richard out of fear of staying in his poor condition forever, henry did what he did out of a tragic need of more. and that’s why in the end i did, deeply, madly, understood him. that’s why he’s the real victim. after having fought so fiercely to free himself, he found out it was all a lie. julian is not the higher soul he fancied, he’s a coward, using beautiful, ancient ideas to charm others, to be worshiped and nothing more. but at the same time, being so found of this idea of julian, to the point of not being able to stand the thought of having disappointed him at all. and then the suicide, the last attempt of redemption, maybe, but above all things, the final escape from the chains of his life, once again around his wrists. henry is the real victim. and really a beautiful soul, no matter what.

Tain: Is He Really A Monster?

Oh boy, look at this big ol’ can of worms I’m about to slice open! Let’s see how many followers I lose for this one.

It seems to be an almost universal thing in this fandom that Tain is hated. He was a cold, abusive, man who wouldn’t even claim his own son–or was he? Before I dive into this anymore I am going to say this: I do not condone abuse. Abuse is wrong. I’m not defending abusers. I am simply interested in laying out the information and seeing if we might be able to look at them in a more objective, logical, manner.

Fandom pretty much accepts that Tain is the Asshole of All Assholes, that he was abusive and unloving to Garak, and caused his claustrophobia, among other things.

The claustrophobia issue seems the easiest to address so I will attack that one first.

The commonly accepted thing in fanon is that Garak’s claustrophobia stems from Tain locking him into closets as a punishment when he was a child. I’ve even fallen into thinking this too as it is very easy to go along with these things when they are so widely reinforced.

But Jerry, you say, Garak SAID that Tain locked him a closet when he was a child. Yes, he did… Garak says many things, and very few of them are true. I think it’s very, very, likely that this was a lie and here’s why. Garak mentions the closet story as an explanation for his claustrophobia while he’s having a ‘therapy’ session with Ezri. Garak doesn’t like Ezri. He’s told her off before. He’s not an open person AT ALL. He has no reason to be honest with her. He’s far closer with his friend Bashir and he lies to Julian all the time. Do we REALLY believe that Garak is going to be truthful to Ezri during a therapy session? He’s already told her he doesn’t have daddy issues (I think he does, just maybe not the ones people generally think of) so contributing his claustrophobia to his father? He’s telling Ezri what she wants to hear. Garak knows how to play the game, and he’s playing it.

Furthermore, Garak speaks about the root of his claustrophobia another time, and oddly enough this seems to get ignored in fandom because… well… it’s accepted that it was Tain’s fault.

The second time we hear an explanation for Garak’s claustrophobia is when he’s ALONE, having a claustrophobic attack, and talking to himself. Now, in which scenario is Garak more likely to be truthful? When he’s in a ridiculous therapy session with someone he does not like nor trust (okay, who does Garak REALLY trust?), or when he’s alone and already panicking. It’s very difficult to lie when one is panicking, and what reason would he have to lie about that when he’s by himself? In this scene Garak mentions when he was held captive and the walls were moving/collapsing on him.

If we’re going to dissect Garak’s lies and truth… it seems pretty obvious which of these is more likely to be true.

Going on from the talk of Garak’s lies… we all know that Garak lies. We know to listen to him differently because any truth he is speaking is wrapped up in all of this other stuff. We know we can’t take it at face value and we have to tear it apart and really think about it to figure out the heart of what he is getting at.

I wonder how Garak learned to lie so well? Do we think that someone taught him these skills? Who would have been his teacher… obviously that would have been Tain. So if we know and accept that we have to read Garak with these special lie/truth goggles, then we probably should be looking at Tain in the same way. Ouch, right? If we give Tain that same glance… it might just show us something that’s not as big of a monster as fandom wants it to be.

Now, I’m going to give some examples of how this could be true when looking at Tain through ‘Garak goggles’.

Enabran Tain:   Oh, don’t thank me. I’m not doing Garak any favors. He doesn’t deserve a quick death. On the contrary, I want him to live a long, miserable life. I want him to grow old on that station, surrounded by people who hate him, knowing that he’ll never come home again.
Dr. Julian Bashir:   What a lovely sentiment.
Enabran Tain:   And it’s from the heart, I assure you. 

This sounds like a very awful thing to say about your son. Everyone hates Tain for saying this. We hear it and immediately want to punch him in the face because WE LOVE GARAK and we MUST PROTECT HIM. But wait…

If we are looking at these statements the same way we’d look at them if Garak said this things what would we see? After all, Garak’s said nasty things that we don’t believe as being true, right? Like his whole ‘I hate this place and I hate you’ speech to Julian. It’s not the best comparison because yes, Garak is coming down off of his wire, so he’s very angry and out of it. But nobody in fandom believes that Garak really hates Julian. So, back to this Tain thing. How much of what Tain is saying is true?

“I want him to live a long life. I want him to grow old.”

What if that is the truth in that paragraph? The truth that is surrounded by all these hard, cruel, cold things? Well WHY would someone’s father say that if they loved them? Tain’s the head of the Obsidian Order, that’s why. He talks about sentiment, how it cannot be afforded, yet Garak has always been his weakness.

The fact that Tain wants Garak to live is repeated again later on.

Enabran Tain:   Elim - promise me one thing.
Elim Garak:   I’m listening.
Enabran Tain:   Don’t die here. Escape. Live.
Elim Garak:   Let me guess - so that I can make the Dominion pay for what they’ve done to you?
Enabran Tain:   You wouldn’t deny an old man his revenge, would you?
Elim Garak:   I’ll do as you ask - on one condition: that you don’t ask me this favor as a mentor or a superior officer - but as a father asking his son.

Don’t die here. Escape. LIVE.

Tain is dying, and he says this to Garak. Garak’s next line makes me wonder if Garak is covering for Tain’s ‘weakness’ by saying ‘oh let me guess so I can make people pay’ and Tain remembers his mask and says, yes, you wouldn’t deny an old man his revenge, would you? If you listen to the tones of their voices during those lines it really sounds this little cover that they are holding up to remind each other that Tain doesn’t like this idea of ‘sentiment’. I’m not sure I’m explaining that well or not but… listen to the tone of voices there. Then Garak’s tone and demeanor changes to something very serious. He wants to address Tain as his son. Things are getting real, we’re lowering the mask a bit again because there’s not much time left.

Enabran Tain:   Elim - remember that day in the country? You must have been almost five.
Elim Garak:   How can I forget it? It was the only day.
Enabran Tain:   I can still see you… on the back of that riding hound. You must have fallen off a dozen times. But you never gave up.
Elim Garak:   I remember limping home… You held my hand.
Enabran Tain:   I was very proud of you… that day…

This conversation is always a hard one to watch. It’s painful. Garak does have his daddy issues. He would do anything to gain this man’s approval. He wants very much to please his father, and to have some sort of acknowledgement that he was a good son. Tain begins on this story about ‘that day in the country’. How can I forget it? It was the only day.

I always found the wording in the line ‘it was the only day’ a little odd. I couldn’t figure out why. It just seemed like a strange answer from Garak. But finally after puzzling over it, I think I may have figured out why. I don’t think that nice day in the country exists. Obviously that is my opinion, but again, we have to take into account how Garak lies, and who he learned to lie from, and both of these liars are holding a conversation with each other so what is really happening?

More double talking and tidbits of truth wrapped in stories, as Cardassians do. Garak asks Bashir to come to his shop and buy a suit, but that’s not what he wants. Another odd part of the conversation to me was always “I was very proud of you… that day”.  Everything Garak says is very deliberate all the way down to word choice, tone, inflection, and pauses. Tain speaks the same way. He adds on ‘that day’ after a pause that is pretty drawn out so that it almost seems awkward. Why the pause? Because he’s still keeping the little riding hound story going and hiding his truths in there. I think that maybe the important bit of the riding hound story is this:

You never gave up.

You held my hand.

I was very proud of you.

“You never gave up” is pretty self explanatory: Elim, you have never given up, no matter what has happened to you.

“You held my hand”: Enabran, you were my mentor, my teacher. You metaphorically held my hand.

“I was very proud of you”: Not just on ‘that day’. Really. I was very proud of you.

This is how Cardassians, or at the very least, how Garak and Tain speak. They speak in riddles, metaphors, pauses, nuance, and lies.

You may still be asking some questions, though. If this is possibly true that Tain is not this ‘monster’, then why did Tain exile Garak? Exile was HELL for Garak. WHY would Tain do that to him if he gave a damn?

To protect him.

But why would Tain refuse to acknowledge Garak as his son? He does this even on his death bed at first–’But you’re not my son!’ he says, in an almost panicked, NOT vicious or hateful, voice.

To protect him.

Being head of the Obsidian Order is dangerous. It is not only dangerous to that head, but it is dangerous to the family of that head, and anyone that person cares for. Cardassians are vicious and ruthless. How better to hurt your enemy than by killing off his child? Family is everything.

Tain denies that Garak is his son. But he doesn’t kill him (even though he says ‘I should have had your mother killed before you were born’), he does not orphan Garak and turn him out onto the streets, either. Tain keeps him close in his own home. Tain sets him up with parental figures. Even if Tolan isn’t Garak’s father, even if Garak’s parents are a lie, he still at least has these adult parental figures who care for him in his life. He is given a surrogate family. He is raised with food, clothing, and shelter.

Tain even makes sure that Garak has a future by teaching him himself, and bringing him into the family business, so to speak. Now, I’m not saying it’s a good thing to mold your kid into being a spy, assassin, etc. I’m not saying Tain did EVERYTHING out of the GOODNESS of his heart. Garak was useful to him too. Garak was a tool. Tain knew there was potential there and he wanted to use it and maybe it’s likely that he would have liked to have seen his son take his place as head of the Order when he was too old to continue. A lot of parents are like that–they put that kind of thing onto their child. 

In this way Tain kind of reminds me of a godfather–not that kind of godfather, but a mafia godfather. To outsiders that life seems harsh, ruthless, dangerous, not something most of us would want for a child, not something most of us would want our parents to do to us. But… this is just sort of what Tain does. If you’re a mafia boss or a career criminal you are used to training people to do these things, you are used to death, and violence, and danger. That’s just the life. That’s just the way it is.

This doesn’t even take into account that we’re speaking of a whole other alien culture here. It seems to me that Cardassians and humans do not often think the same way–different morals, values, brain wiring, cultural/societal norms, etc. Of course there are exceptions to anything. But out of all the Cardassians we see, how many of them seemed very concerned with the sort of morals humans do? How many of them seem to view death, or killing, in the same light as humans do? There are some, yes. But a lot of Cardassians seem to be just wired with this ‘do what you have to do’ attitude.

You do what you have to do to climb the ladder of power and gain respect if you’re Dukat. You do what you have to do for Cardassia if you are Garak, and Damar. You do what you have to do for your family.

Which leads me to one last thing.

Why does fandom really want to latch onto and support Garak’s ‘tragic backstory’? There could be many reasons. It is true that characters often become more easily to relate to when they have something like this, but maybe Garak doesn’t need it. Do people support it to give Garak an ‘excuse’ for some of his actions? Probably–but I think doing too much of that takes away some of Garak’s Cardassian-ness. Oh, I think a bit of it can be applied–as I said I do think Garak does have some daddy issues. I’m not saying that all of Tain’s choices were ‘good’ (whatever ‘good’ means) or that some of them did not give Garak some issues. It seems obvious that Garak REALLY wants yadek’s approval. He really wants to be a good son. He needed to hear before Tain died that Tain was proud of him–so one could conjecture it’s quite possible that Tain was not the type of mentor to tell Garak that he was proud of him, that he’d done a good job, and Garak has needed to hear it from Tain that he was a good son.

Garak’s drive is always that more than anything else I think–to be a good son to Tain, and to be a good son to Cardassia.

He doesn’t need a tragic backstory to excuse the things he has done in his past, or to make up for them, or to place the blame elsewhere. Garak has done horrible things. Does he feel guilty over any of them? Maybe. Probably. But he did them and why…

For Cardassia. Because Family is Everything. Because Garak is a Cardassian.

Is Garak a monster because he’s done these things? Yes, and no. Is Tain a monster for the things he’s done? Yes, and no. It depends upon whose eyes you are viewing from… from Federation eyes, or Cardassian eyes. Everything is subjective. I think if we take off our human-emotional goggles and re-watch these things while thinking like a Cardassian we will find that there is a LOT more to these stories and words than what meets the eye. Don’t accept every word as the truth. Read around it, above it, below it, behind it. To understand a Cardassian you have to think like one and if we do that… then I think we might find ourselves a little closer to the truth than we were before.


(i don’t really like how I did this one but hey I tried) 

Insecurities Mats Hummels




Y/n frowned as she stared in the mirror; she had been standing in front of it for at least five minutes, dissecting what she saw. She was supposed to be getting dressed but all she really wanted to do  at this point was curl up in a ball and hideout in bed.  

But she couldn’t.

She had promised her son, Julian, they would go to the neighborhood playground when his father got home from training. The two year old was so excited about it, all he could talk about was the different things he remembered from the last time they went. As soon as Mats walked through the door Julian’s excitement went into overdrive.

Mats only shared his little boys enthusiasm; it was the cutest thing to watch them interact with one another because Mats always looked like such a big kid. They were both ready to go, Y/n just needed to get dressed and they would be on there way. It seemed like a simple enough  task…until it wasn’t.

As the evidence of scattered clothes showed, it was a lot harder than she had ever anticipated. Already going through a third of her wardrobe, she was feeling more and more frustrated by the minute. Everything was just all wrong. Nothing looked or fit right; her body had changed significantly after she had Julian two years ago and she never really bounced back to her pre-baby body. Most days she was okay with the curves having a child bestowed upon her, but there were always those days when she felt a little less secure in her own skin. Like today.

She pulled at the  t-shirt she had just put on a minute ago, before smoothing it down. Her eyes zeroed in on her midsection and her frown deepened. The sight out the slight prodding of her stomach was both discouraging and frustrating. No matter how much she hit the gym, she couldn’t seem to get rid of it.

Mats always told her that her body was even more sexy than before but sometimes that was so hard to believe. Especially when gossip magazines, blogs, and people on social media went out of their way to remind her about her weight gain. It seemed like everyday someone was mentioning the difference of her weight, some even going as far as calling her fat and to put now the cheese burger before Mats left her. It was crazy; she didn’t usually let it get to her, but even the strongest cracked under pressure once in awhile.

Y/n wanted to scream in frustration, her grip on her emotions slipping as she became increasingly displeased by what she saw staring back at her. Everything was too tight, showing off what she wanted to hide. So she went for the only way she knew how, without literally hiding out, quickly grabbed a hoodie she  pulled it over her head.  Her gaze went back to the mirror  and she nearly screamed that time– while the hoodie did its job of hiding her, it made her look even bigger than she was.

She couldn’t win.

On the verge of tears, she snatched it off and castes it aside with the rest of the discarded clothing. Getting ready to change for the thousandth time just as Mats walked in the room, Julian in his arms.

“Y/n, you ready to go—yet.”He started, trailing off once he saw the chaotic state of things, it looked like a mini tornado had passed through,”babe whats going on?”

“Nothing,”she mumbled.


“Really Mats, its nothing. I just…I think I’m gonna sit this one out you take Julian. take lots of pictures.”She said hurriedly rushing into their bathroom in hopes to get away before he asked anymore questions but before she could close the door behind her, he stepped in as well.


“Why—-baby, what’s wrong?” He started but once he noticed the tears in her eyes his confusion quickly turned into concern. Great just great; now he wasn’t going to leave until he knew exactly what was wrong. You just couldn’t hold onto your emotions a little longer huh Y/n? she scolded herself. But that wasnt even the worst of it, the worse was when Julian noticed his mother distress,

“Why Mama crying?”Julian asked, a frown now marring his innocent little face; it looked so wrong because he has always been a happy go lucky kid. When he only cried when he was really hurt and frowned when he saw one of his parents were upset. Y/n instantly felt worse knowing her baby had to see her like this. She was suppose to be strong for him and here she was a few wrong words away from an emotional breakdown….over something that shouldn’t even matter so much to her.

“Mama’s just a little sad that all.”she forced a smile, as she made sure not to look at Mats who was staring so intensely at her. Julian squirmed in his father’s grasp, “Down, Papa!”

Mats put him down and no sooner than when his feet touched the ground was he running into Y/n’s legs, hugging them tight.“Hugs take sad away?”He asked as he innocently stared up at her. Y/n felt her heart explode with a warmth only the loves of her life could put there. “Oh baby,”She cooed as she gathered him up into her arms, hugging him close,”Yes you’re hugs always takes the sad away. thank you.”

“Welcome, Mama.”He said as he placed a kiss on her lips as he wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. Y/n should have known her son would be her cure all, just holding him close made her feel a hundred times better.


She tensed, knowing Mats wasnt about to let her off easy,it didn’t matter if she felt better now, he was going to want to know what had her upset. He was so good to her, always wanting to protect  and do right by her and their family. As much as she loved him for that, she wished he could just let things go but just by the way intensity of his gaze she knew he wasn’t about to let this go.

”Yes Mats.”she sighed.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”he demanded  gently.

“Nothing wrong Papa, Mama all better!”Julian cheered happily. Mats smiled at his son before gently taking him from his mother’s grasp and putting him down on his own feet once again.

“And you’re the reason, good job champ, how bout you go watch TV in Mama and Papa’s bed?”

“Okay Papa!” With that the little boy rushed back into the room, Mats followed after him to put the tv on sesame street before he came back. Y/n could handle a little of his staring before tears started streaking her face. Mats quickly closed the space between them holding her close.

“whats wrong baby?”He said softly, rubbing her back in soothing circles.“Its stupid.”She mumbled, feeling increasing dumb that she was getting  emotional over this. Gosh she was so vapid and vain.  

“Not if its upsetting you, tell me.”

“I just…I  just feel so unattractive.”She admitted softly, “its been two years since I had Julian and I still can’t get rid of all the weight. I go to the gym and I still can’t get it off… No matter what I buy nothing seems to fit me right. And everyone seems to notice…and and I knots stupid and superficial and people have way bigger problems but I just want to crawl into bed and not go out.”

She was rambling but she couldn’t help it, it sucked that this bothered her so much. That she couldn’t brush it off , it made her feel weak. She looked down at her feet, Mats took her hands in his own and gave her a reassuring squeeze. He waited until she looked back up at him before he began to speak.

“First of all you’re beautiful. Stunning.”Y/n rolled her eyes and scoffed but Mats didn’t let that stop him from continuing, “ There is literally nothing unattractive about you…well maybe except for your snoring.“he teased, he was happy when she cracked a small smile. He hated when she was upset especially about things that weren’t true.

"You and ‘unattractive’ shouldn’t ever be in the same sentence because it’s a lie period”Mats said firmly,“Yes your body’s different since Julian but it’s a good different. I didn’t think it was possible for sexiest woman on the planet to get even more sexy but you did. Every curve Julian gave you is a blessing and perfection. And as for your clothes–they look as good as ever on you.”

“Really?"Y/n felt her heart beating rapidly as every word he spoke seemed to fill her entire being. He always knew what to say. "Why else do you think it’s so hard for me to keep my hands off you?"Mats smirked.

Y/n blushed; He was right, there were plenty of times she had to swat Mats hands away when they were out in public because of how touchy he was at times. Specifically with grabbing her ass. As shy as it made her, she couldnt deny that she felt desired. He always made her feel desired.

"You’re beautiful Y/n and don’t doubt that. But when you have those moments when you do just tell me and I’ll tell you every reason why you’re perfect to me."He promised kissing her lips tenderly.Y/n couldn’t help her tears as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his chest.

"Thank you.”

Once Y/n got herself together and dressed, the family of three headed to the neighborhood park. Julian dragged his parents around getting them to play with him on whatever caught his interest at any given moment. They laughed as they ran around chasing one another, climbing the ladder,sliding down the slide and swing on the monkey bars–well Mats held Julian up walking the young boy from bar to bar.

The best part of it all was the fact that people were respectful of their privacy. Sure some stared and a few random paparazzi took pictures, they kept their distance. Julian’s world of play and innocence wasn’t disturbed once, and Mats and Y/n were thankful for that.

It was early evening when they  finally decided it was time to leave. Julian had long since tired himself out and had been in Mats’ arms all but two minutes before was sound asleep. When they got home Mats instructed Y/n to go to their bedroom that he would takes care of Julian. He room the boy a bath and changed him into his pajamas before putting him to bed and heading to the master room. he found Y/n sitting in the middle of the bed, he got in bed with her pulling her onto him.

“Mats what–”

Her question was left  incomplete as he kissed her. “You’re  beautiful,” he mumbled against her lips in between every kiss. He tugged at her shirt before pulling it over her head and continued to undress her until she was only in her underwear.

“You’re beautiful Y/n and Im going to make sure you know  how much.” He told her and though  those were the last words he spoke for the rest of the night, he kept his word.Making her feel beautiful in every sense  of the word  as handled her with a gentleness and passion that only a man head over heels in love could .





Predictions for The Dark Artifices

Now that I’ve had time to really process the book and breathe past my feelings, I started to (*big maybe*) realize something about Lady Midnight.

Without a doubt, I believe this story belongs to Emma. And Julian. And all the Blackthorns. Etc.

That being said, I couldn’t help but notice the little links Clare kept subtly pointing out between Emma and Jace (and honestly, Will). It was one of my favorite things about this entire book. 

*Spoilers past here!

As an example, Cristina points this out for Emma on their way back from buying their dresses. First she notes how similar (yet different Emma is) to Jace: “I heard about you. Everyone said you would be the next Jace Herondale. The next great Shadowhunter warrior.”

Emma argues against this and states that all she has is her training and revenge. That simply trying is all she is alone. Cristina argues back: “What you haven’t had is your moment. Your chance to be great. Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild weren’t heroes in a vacuum– there was a war. They were forced to make choices. Those moments come for all of us. They will come for you too.”

We know in this series Emma will have her moment–but something important to note about Emma at the end of Lady Midnight is that she is uniquely alone. And when I say alone, I mean *truly* alone. She is surrounded by so many people she loves, but she can’t tell a single soul the truth about her plan to break Julian’s love for her. This separates them from her, in the same way Will separated himself from everyone in the Infernal Devices.

I honestly think this will send her into a Jace/Will self-hate spiral– we already saw it when she told Julian they couldn’t be together. “She could feel him watching her, feel the weight of his pain. She was glad she could feel it. She deserved to feel it.” My heart ACHED for Emma right here. Because unlike Clary, Jace, or Will– Emma has NO ONE she can go to. And not only is she shouldering the burden of saving Julian and the Blackthorns alone (Mark semi-understands but not really), she has also been asked to take care of another Herondale.

What I would love to see is for (at some point in the series) others around her to recognize this burden. Or even to have Annabel Lee be the one to point it out in some hell-ish meet and greet. Could you imagine? Annabel realizing the best way to hurt the Blackthorns is to take away someone they love, like they took her away from Malcolm? Jem and Tessa watching a Carstairs pull a Will without his parabatai, only to have Annabel take her and point out that they were the ones to give her the idea in breaking Julian’s love for her in the first place? Jace and Clary recognizing the Jace-esk nature in Emma, when she throws herself recklessly in front of someone? Kit? Jace, perhaps?– in some epic battle where all of them team up Avengers style? Emma pushing the Blackthorns away in some manner, only to have them realize why? To have Julian realize why she did what she did?

She shoulders the burden of the families around her. A Carstairs that owes a Herondale, always. A Carstairs that wants to protect the Blackthorns at any cost– even her happiness. I just see so many parallels between her and Jace/Will, and I love that we’re seeing Emma’s perspective on things, and how she and those around her will react. To see the reverse perspective on Jace/Will, but in an Emma way. A warrior’s dilemma-way.

No matter what happens– I’m so emotionally invested in all these characters, and I can’t wait to see where this series goes. I absolutely adored this book as much as I have the rest, and will most likely be brainstorming possibilities until I have my hands on the next book a year from now.

And P.S. Cortana can cut through ANYTHING. HMMM. A parabatai bond, perhaps? :)

Love, Abby

I was 19 and had just gone off to college when my mother died. I contemplated moving back home to help out with my sister, Abby, 12, and my brother, Julian, 5, but my dad wouldn’t here any of it.

The three of them helped me move into my small dorm in McNalley Hall and Abby sat on my bed asking if she could stay. It was hard leaving them, especially with mom gone now, but things were so exciting at the university.

My parents had always been your typical, middle class midwesterners. We were your typical lower middle class suburban family. There was nothing unique or strange about us.

We had never been really religious but my mother dragged us to church on special holidays. It was all more for show and pomp though and less about God and sins. My parents prided themselves on rationality and reason and political, philosophical and spiritual light-hearted debates were a constant bonding activity in our household.

The cancer changed a lot, and when Mom died, it changed things ever more. We didn’t really pray. We just sort of waited and hoped.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Niall and Melissa were spotted outside the club together but Niall looked like he was so completely done. Typically when you take your gf somewhere you look happy to be near her and actually walk close to her. Even if they were friends he would at least look interested in her existence.

Gosh, I lurked at some bigger blogs, people just really take the Melly stuff without even being a tiny bit questioning the narrative? No wonder they also fell for the media Zayn=bad boy stuff without hesitation… I wish Niall the best, but it looks pretty much like a set up and he doesn’t even look like he enjoys it in the slightest, more like doing just the bare minimum participation like you said.

There are pics of Niall and Deo arriving, and either they cropped Melissa out, or she wasn’t there. She doesn’t appear to be anywhere near him in every pic I’ve seen of Niall in the club. And yet, she’s right there as they’re leaving? This entire Niallissa/Nelissa/Nelly relationship screams “fake and set up” to me. What I don’t understand is how a large section of the fandom is unable/unwilling to see the obvious patterns being repeated here.

I have to agree, Niall is really not selling this Melissa thing for me. Zayn and Liam have done a better job with Zerrie and Sophiam, for God’s sake.

Agreeing with everything about Nelly, feels like a stunt Niall isn’t really into. It also definitely feels like there are two teams and no one knows anything like www(.)dailymail(.)co(.)uk/tvshowbiz/article-3055967/Maria-Fowler-trolled-posting-cosy-club-snap-Niall-Horan(.)html and www(.)mirror(.)co(.)uk/3am/celebrity-news/niall-horan-rumoured-girlfriend-melissa-5585288 They are reporting totally contrary things about the same thing 😂

thanks so much, it’s so hard finding somenone paying attention to niall as much as to the other four. with everything going on with larry & ziam so many are forgetting about niall & just believe everything they hear about him. niall is my fave so he always has my main attention even tho i believe in larry and ziam. it’s just so hard to find someone who cares about niall as much as i do and see the lie that all five of them are going through. larry aren’t the only ones who signed with a shit Mgmt

I’m glad to see so many people on the same page about Niall and Melissa, and especially to see so many people supportive of Niall XD

The whole club thing is definitely sketchy.  

  • First off, someone tweeted about Niall going to that club (one of the staff?), so we knew ahead of time there were probably going to be pictures.  
  • Second, if Niall wants to go out without being bombarded, he can do that.  We never get pap pics when he’s out with the LIC.  
  • Third, he’s looked perfectly happy lately and even in pictures in the club, but as soon as he’s out he looks far more upset than I’ve ever seen him in pap pictures.  Even when people mobbed Greg and Denise’s wedding, I’ve never seen Niall look so over it.
  • Fourth, we’ve seen drunken Niall before.  Anyone remember when he was all over Julian in a club to the point where people thought they kissed?  Niall is a cuddly, rowdy drunk from all accounts I’ve read and watched.  Him looking like someone died and walking several feet in front of Melissa shouldn’t have anything to do with him being intoxicated.
  • Fifth, no one remembers seeing pictures of Melissa near the club until Niall came out.  Who do we know who was supposed to be at events but was only in a very small number of pictures from the actual event? Sophia, for one.
  • Sixth, I imagine if Niall actually wanted to go public with a girlfriend, he would.  He would either announce it and hold her hand and act like a normal person in a relationship, or he’d do what he’s done in the past which is date without getting seen or papped at all.  
  • Seventh, even if Niall was being forced to make a real relationship public against his will, what good does him ignoring his girlfriend do?  It’s not going to endear her to the fans any if he looks unhappy and it probably won’t endear him to her when he ditches her continuously.  

All of you probably already knew that, but I like lists if you haven’t noticed ^.^;;;

My personal opinion is that the boys have learned from each other along the way.  It took Harry and Louis a little while to stop cooperating with their closeting and to learn strategies to undermine it.  Liam and Zayn benefited from that experience and got a head start on strategies to support each other and stay strong through their closeting.  It looks like Niall’s decided to take cues from late Elounor and act completely cold towards Melissa.  I don’t think he hates her, but he probably wants it to look that way.

As for the two articles that you linked, I actually think they give about the same message.  The top of the Daily Mail article is completely different, but it’s more about the woman getting harassed than any potential of her and Niall actually being involved.  The bottom of the article is the standard Niall and Melissa story we’re getting right now.

As for the fandom not seeing it, that’s same old same old.  The people who always swallow the narrative whole are swallowing it whole.  The people who know nothing about Niall and can’t see past their own favorite member are continuing to do that.  My current strategy is to ignore them as much as possible and try to create a mostly positive OT5 bubble around myself.  

You’re welcome to come into the bubble and chill too or to create your own if you want.  I rather like the idea of people who care about Niall forming more bonds in the fandom.  I’ve run across very few people who do analysis and are specifically Niall stans.

TDA and Love

Hi Cassie! I would be honored if you answer to a simple question, you say that Ty will fall in love in TDA and i would know if we already know that person, it his a new character or we know it thanks to TMI? I hope that you’ll see this and that maybe you’ll answer, thanks for your time. — cadiamocomelacrime

We don’t know the person Ty is going to fall in love with yet. (We haven’t met many ten year olds in CoHF and I think the ones we do meet are related to Ty, and I don’t really want to swim in that river again …)

IS CRISTINA GOING TO BE ATTRACTED TO MARK, OR MARK TO CRISTINA? I MEAN: ”Cristina held back from telling Mark that there was no world in which he didn’t stand out.” and you once said Mark has a love interest/parabatai. Thank you! — emmaxjules

Well, she could just be saying that because he has antlers or something. Who can say how he came back from the Wild Hunt? Cristina has a complicated love life, and so does Mark. Mark may even be carrying a torch for someone from Faerie. (Neither Mark nor Cristina have parabatai, though.)

Hi Cassandra Clare, thank you for your books you’ve written so perfectly and your imagination, which I fell in love it. A question arises after your previous answer me. I hope you can answer. It is about whether we will see in the book scenes where Emma be jealous of another girl in love with Julian? I appreciate your response and with love. Arely — atena-moon

Hi, Cassie. My name is Hayley and, like everyone else asking you questions, I’m in love with your books! I adore the way you write and I hope to be just as successful someday. I wanted to ask you if there’s a possibility for Emma and Mark. (I don’t know if this is how you ask. Hopefully it is.) I know it seems everyone is already shipping Emma and Julian, and their story will be amazing no matter the outcome, but they’re parabati. There is no romance allowed between them and I think they’re better for each other as brother/sister. My thought is, Emma already shows some interest in Mark. It could be good for Mark to help heal Emma’s wounds from the Emma/Julian romance and for Emma to help him get over his time in Faerie world. So, is there a possibility for them? I’d love for you to answer this, but even if you don’t, I’m just glad that I actually got up the courage to write you and that you actually read it!! Thanks!! — nerdygirly811

Sure, this is a fine way to ask. Ye olde ask box.

Emma does notice Mark is cute in CoHF, though he is sure spirited away before she can declare her love (and I’m mostly kidding: her thinking Mark is cute is a function of her growing up. We often notice older brothers, sisters, of friends first because they’re older, therefore admirable, and around, therefore nonthreatening.) 

Otherwise I’d just say slow down, pardner! We don’t know if there’s going to be an Emma/Julian romance for sure, or whether Emma will have wounds to heal. (Well, it’s me, probably everyone will have wounds to heal.) 

I guess I would say that Mark, after coming from years in Faerie, does not view relationships the way everyone else in his family does. “in love” and “monogamy” do not go together in his mind. If you went on a date with Mark, you could expect him to kiss everyone else at the bar. Everyone else.

Hi Miss Clare! I love all your books. You broke my heart into a million pieces, especially when I read Will’s death. Anyway, i’d like to ask, is it wrong to ship Mark and Emma? It feels really weird but idk, my mind is like, “Go Mark and Emma!” but I also ship her a little bit with Jules. It would be great if you answered my question haha thanks :D — mikaaaii

You can ship Emma with anyone you want. You can ship her with Mark and Jules. Though there really isn’t an OT3 to be had there given that Mark and Jules are related. 

It’s interesting to me because when people say “I hate love triangles!” (I mean, I clearly, am biased because I love them) they tend to remain drawn to triangulated relationships. Which is fine. For me, a love triangle requires two people to be in love with the same person and for them to have about an equal chance of securing that person’s love. But there are a million ways to triangulate relationships without actually having a love triangle. One, for instance, is to introduce jealousy, merited or not. Another is to introduce another person as an obstacle but not an equal love interest. If Tessa had loved only Will and felt obligated to Jem because he was dying that would have been a triangulated relationship but not a love triangle. Even a villain can triangulate a relationship. Wickham triangulated Elizabeth’s relationship with Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, but few consider it a love triangle: it however works as an important story engine! So even if you hate the love triangle, hate not the triangulation. It’s probably in a lot of your favorite romances. :)

*Sorry I gave a speech about writing love triangles to the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators and this stuff remains stuck in my brain!

Also: thank you guys for being so interested in the TDA characters so early on! It keeps me going.