julia should shut up

scenes from the “happy together in 221b” au that have, 100% without a doubt, happened:

  • sherlock deciding to cook dinner, and then promptly forgetting about it in favor of a more interesting experiment and setting the kitchen on fire. john pretends to be angry and orders thai for delivery. the flat smells terrible, so they eat with the windows open
  • sherlock deducing unpleasant facts about john’s friends’ lives from the photographs that they post on facebook. it goes a step too far when sherlock starts insulting john’s old army friends, but after two minutes of angry silence john begrudgingly goes “alright, what about this one then” and shows sherlock another picture
  • john doing both of their loads of laundry at once so that their clothes tumble together in the washing machine. he puts one of sherlock’s nice shirts in the dryer and it shrinks a size, sherlock puts it on and looks ridiculous: wrists exposed, buttons straining. he walks into the living room in a strop to show john but john collapses into laughter before he can say a word
  • john getting out of the shower to find that he’s forgotten his robe; sherlock’s is hanging on the back of the door so he slips it on just to get to his room
  • sherlock being bored on a rainy day and begging john to play cluedo with him “just one more time, i’ll follow the rules, i promise” (he does not follow the rules)
  • sherlock organizing john’s ties by color
  • everything
  • they are married
  • i am upset

It’s 6PM, and unless my screenwriting professor believes the lie-filled email I just sent him about viruses, this is what he is reading instead of my final screenplay:

Hands kneading into the bed, Sherlock’s cock twitches obscenely, already leaking pre-come. John gives the tip a filthy, open-mouthed kiss before skipping past it and licking a long, wet stripe up Sherlock’s stomach.

“That’s an order, Sherlock.”

I’m going to throw up why am I rereading this.

“two men can be close friends without being sexually attracted to each other! they can love each other without being in love why does everybody always have to make everything about gay ships!!!”

ah, yes. that is right. how could i have been so foolish. male friendships are underrepresented in culture. there are no stories about male friendship. the brotp is constantly vilified and undermined. there have never been stories about male friends

i have made a huge mistake. i shall cast off shipping forever. finally, i have learned: gay is not the only way. keeping the close male friendship strictly platonic to follow along with gay panic ideals is something that has never been done before, and i shall take the revolutionary step and remove the word “subtext” from my vocabulary.

thank you, for defending the brotp against its enemies. i have seen the light. the source material was right - there is nothing there. never was. i was delusional, i’d never even heard their side. i shall never ship two men again. god bless

do you ever scroll your dash and then you have to stop because you were thinking about something but you can’t remember what you were thinking about

and then you scroll back up until you see the post you were looking at when you were thinking about the thing - and suddenly you remember even if the post has nothing to do with what you were thinking about?

because this happens to me maybe twelve times a day

more scenes from that halcyon au where sherlock and john live happily together in 221b that have without a doubt happened at one point in canon:

  • john dragging sherlock out shopping with him only to find that sherlock in a supermarket does much more harm than good: sherlock collapses a cat food display, makes rude deductions about everyone in sight that john can’t stop himself from smirking at, and keeps adding completely unnecessary items to their cart (nine boxes of baking soda, tampons, four pounds of baker’s chocolate, –john catches sherlock just in time at the deli counter trying to order an entire cow carcus)
  • sherlock getting furious at john’s abysmal typing skills and mocking him for it; john staunchly assuring that his is the blog that gets thousands of daily hits, thank you very much, and sherlock positively growling because that has nothing, nothing to do with his poor typing and if he’d only just learn–
  • john and sherlock having a glass of merlot after dinner, john just sitting and listening to sherlock complain about mycroft and how “pedestrian” london criminals are getting and that the results of his newest experiment have been thusfar inconclusive. both of them are unable to suppress the somewhat inappropriate smiles creasing their cheeks as they look at each other
  • john, roused by nightmares, coming downstairs to sit in his chair and listen to sherlock play his violin. sherlock keeps his back to john. the music sends him back to sleep. he wakes up with a crick in his neck, covered by a blanket
  • sherlock making john tea to atone for something that john’s mad at him for
  • sherlock making fun of john’s affinity for detective and spy novels and always guessing the endings
  • john taking sherlock’s stash of cigarettes out of the persian slipper and hiding them inside the skull where sherlock doesn’t think to find them
  • how is it that something so sweet and innocent

holy shit so it’s official Mark Gatiss and Steve Thompson have both definitely written real actual words for series three they have sat down and begun writing do you understand how overwhelming this is MARK COULD HAVE WRITTEN THE FIRST DRAFT OF THE RETURN SCENE RIGHT NOW









i just saw the tags #the gay subtext  #isn’t really subtext anymore and that’s, like, that’s it, that’s what tjlc is, tjlc is like “the subtext is too strong for it to be subtext anymore so it has to be canon” and it took so long to get to the point where this could be said with confidence because it feels so hard to believe

when you have eliminated the impossible whatever remains however improbable must be the truth