The worst thing about the plastic bag tax is when you go to get some fat scran but you’re too much of a cheapskate to buy a bag so you do the walk of shame home with your 5 sharing bags of Doritos and discount echo falls….
Lance: hey Keith
Lance: are you wearing space pants
Lance: cause your ass is out of this world
Keith: we are literally light years and galaxies away in space you idiot
Keith: and no I’m wearing baseball pants because my ass is out of your league
Lance: why must you hurt me like this
If you’re a dude who sings “Santa, Baby” but changes all the lyrics to “Santa, buddy” and say “think of all the hotties I haven’t kissed” and you ask for “ca-ching” instead of “a ring.” I judge a little bit.
This was the musical version of “no homo!” Settle down dude. If you’re going to sing a famous flirtatious song about marrying Santa you need to embrace the gay a little. Or at least be less aggressively “we’re just bros being bros!” about it.
We’ve all heard of “lucky pennies.” It’s a superstition that has woven its way so far into our society we often forget to acknowledge it as magick. This is a simple enchantment of sorts to bring luck and wealth into your life.
You will need:
A penny (if your currency doesn’t use pennies, use whatever coin is “lucky” in your culture, if any, or any copper coin, or gold if copper is unavailable)
A sharpie (fine point is better)
A white candle (this one is a must)
A gold candle (optional)
Works best during a waning moon but will work any time
Pennies are said to be lucky, and the copper/gold color represents wealth and success and ambition, so that makes pennies the perfect choice for both luck and wealth! Waning moons are also great times for luck spells.
It’s said a penny found heads-up is lucky. For this reason, I drew the following sigil on the front: (credit: I found it on tumblr, saved it to my phone and i can’t remember where I found it. If anyone can direct me to the OP I will credit them! So sorry for this!)
If you use one candle, light it at the back of your workspace and draw the sigils in front of it. If you use two, light them on the right and left sides and work between them.
If you do this during a waning moon, do it after dark by candlelight. Otherwise do it during the day in a room well lit by sunlight.
Flip the coin several times, being careful to catch it each time, while visualizing yourself having all the luck and money you need (and perhaps the areas of life you need the extra luck, or the things you need the money for, or how you expect/want to come by the money, etc). Feel free to add any kind of chant here, if you like.
Hold the penny between your fingers and hold it over the white candle as close to the flame as you can comfortably withstand to purify the enchantment (prevent accidental bad luck, and prevent you from getting tainted money). If you have a gold candle, do the same to it to strengthen the wealth and ambition.
Leave the penny overnight in the waning moonlight to charge if possible, otherwise for a day in the sunlight (best if its a sunny day.)
Carry the penny with you in your shoe everywhere you go. Walking will help keep the sigils charged. Also, carrying a coin in your shoe is a common method to bring money into your life.