judged

I hate feeling helpless.
I hate feeling stupid.
I hate feeling like I’m not good enough.
I hate feeling like everyone around me is judging me and laughing at my mistakes.
I hate feeling this level of frustration.
I hate feeling this sadness.
—  12/3/15
An act of kindness is always judged negatively, no matter what you do~

I was in the shop today buying some milk. Admittedly, I’m not in one of my ‘happiest’ moods because I am sorting out all the adult stuff for the house [bills, money, work start dates, purchasing a washing machine and etc]. It’s a ball-ache.

But then I spotted two kids standing in the centre of the shop. They were just counting their 5p’s, 10p’s, 2p’s and etc. At first, I stopped to watch them for a little moment because it reminded me of when I was a kid; playing out in the sun all day whilst buying some cheap tooth rotting sweets from the shop.

Except, the older one turned to the his friend and said, “We haven’t got enough money. Let’s go.”

Aw my God. My little heart skipped a beat because the little one looked so upset. I hate seeing kids upset, seriously, if one of my younger siblings came to me in tears, I literally give them everything without any questions asked.

So I tapped the older one on the shoulder and asked: “How much short are you?”

The kid looked a bit shocked at first, but he replied sweetly, “20 pence. But it’s alright, we are going to go to the shop around the corner. We only want a bottle of pop.” He then put his coat on and shrugged.

Back when you were a kid, if you were 20p short, it was a massive gap to pay for some sweets, especially when the total sum was put together by tiny coins.

I smirked and crouched down to him, “Look, put your pennies away. You and your mate can get what you want. I will pay for it all.” Aw man, did their little faces brighten right up. They picked up some sweets and a can of pop each.

Everything seemed lovely until I got to the till; the woman serving us gave me the dirtiest look. She then snarled, “You shouldn’t be doing this really because it will encourage the kids to beg for money.”~

And now, like I said, I ain’t in the best of moods, so she’s pretty much asking for a ‘Kai shut down.’

“Are you gonna do your job and scan these items? Or do I have to jump over that counter and do it myself? Besides, I don’t think you were hired to give people your unwanted input.”

If looks could kill; that one she gave me would have been one of them. Still, I was not backing down. I stood there with a grin on my face because we were beginning to attract an audience and I was ready to annihilate her.

“Would you like a bag with that?”~

“Do you kids want a bag to put your stuff in?“

Oh man did she twitch. The kids were laughing at this point and I then paid for everything. They gave me the biggest thank you as they ran off back to the park.

However, the reason I will always help out in situations like that is because the same scenario happened to me. I was a few pennies short for a can of pop and when I got to the till, the woman serving was going to take the item away from me and place it back into the fridge.

That was until an old man behind me in the queue then leaned over me and he slipped a £5 note into my hand. I just remember turning around to the man and being like: “WOW! But why?!”

And he answered: “Because I know you will do the same when you are older.”

Boy was he right. What an angel~  It just goes to show that kindness and love does overpower all the negativity in this world once you have the right mindset for it.