judge me but i am kind of proud of this

anonymous asked:

Hi! I came out to my mom the other day and it was so awkward. There was a lot of miscommunication and discomfort at first and in the end she seemed fine with it but I still can't drop this feeling that she judges me or is disgusted by me for liking girls. I'm really proud of who I am and its taken me years to get to this place, but I still have this fear of being judged or shunned. It may just be all in my head... I have no idea but I really needed to vent. Thank you for being so kind and open!

well as long as she isn’t showing any concrete signs of negativity towards your sexuality then it’s probably in your head. 

for me, coming out was sort of forced but i went with it. coming out on my own feels…wrong somehow even though i claim to be “proud” of who i am. but part of me wonders if the other person will treat me differently forever knowing my sexuality. 

tl;dr: it is possible it’s all in your head because of ingrained prejudices against anything gay in our culture and coming out makes you feel other in comparison to your mother or she could really feel that way but it’s probably the first one

anonymous asked:

I've been proud of what I've been writing lately. And I want to show them to people more than just my best writing friend. But when I do, I feel like they would judge me. I have themes that are more "mature." I don't know why I always write meaningful stuff, but it's all I can come up with. I know my parents wouldn't approve of it and want me to write happy stuff, but I want them to see what kind of writer I am. How? I'm scared. I can't change how I write just for them.

I had this exact same fear as a young teenager. I thought my family wouldn’t approve of my writing if it was darker and would judge me for it. 

You’re a complex individual and that will reflect in your writing. You’re right, you shouldn’t change your writing just for your family, but I think there’s a pretty high possibility that you’re assuming your family wants you to only write happy fluff when that’s not the case. I had that assumption of my parents when I was young. And, I was wrong. I think this is a common fear. 

Of course I don’t know your parents or family situation, but kids often think that their parents view them as happy and pure to the core, when parents know their children are complicated people. It can be uncomfortable to share darker writing with your parents, sharing work with your parents is hard, but I think your parents can accept that you are a mature person and that will reflect in your writing. 

anonymous asked:

you ladies haven't said anything about liam's single and I think I know why...

oh boy! I don’t know if I like what you’re insinuating. but fair enough. 

first off, Cassie hasn’t heard it yet because she’s currently working at 14 hour day and probably won’t get to hear it for a while (or be blogging for a week her job is very stressful right now so it’s been just candice and probably will be just me for the week gird your loins people). 

So, my opinion is that he sounds great! it’s got a great beat and I’ll probably dirty dance to it soon, but that over all it’s not my favorite genre of music. So, I don’t think I’m the best judge of it because it’s not the sort of music I reach for unless I’m going out or partying. Is it my favorite? no. Am I incredibly proud of Liam and happy he’s making the kind of music he wants? Absolutely! 

Sweet Creature

I just want to say FUCK THOSE PEOPLE WHO JUDGE HARRY STYLES. I’m trying really hard to lead by his example and be kind even when the world isn’t. But, he doesn’t deserve it. I am very proud to look up to someone who is younger than me. Someone who has NEVER ONCE changed since he stepped into the spotlight. Is one of the most positive, humble, kindest, respectful, and hardworking young men I’ve had the privilege​ to see grow into a talented musician. This world does not deserve him AT ALL. But Harry does deserve the world. And to call him unoriginal is so tacky. His album might sound like his influences, but fucking hell - he brought back the sound I love and was raised on. GOOD ON HIM! We need that in a world of generic bullshit. For a first solo album that he wrote everything on, it was a beautiful work of art. He has not sold out, he hasn’t changed or become someone else. He is still the lovable dork he has always been. Now, he’s just grown up and finally free to be himself more. And it is such a delight to see him this happy. Accept it or hate it, he’s one of a kind. I hope in forty years, I’m able to see him still dancing and rocking out on stage. To me, he will be a legend of this generation. And no one has really said this enough, thank you Jeff. Thank you for giving our Harry the freedom and support he deserves. Because of you, he is the star he was always meant to be.

Originally posted by dunkirks

Asian Girls and White Men

There is a trending motif in some social justice blogs regarding the “empowerment” of Asian women by telling them they ain’t worth shit if they choose to date a white person. How is this conducive of cultivating the confidence of Asian girls? It paradoxically informs them that “hey listen, the only reason why a white man would EVER date you is because of their disgusting fetish for you. That is all you will ever be to a white man, just a fetish.” From what I’ve read on @chescaleigh‘s blog she has also dealt with criticism for being married to a white man. Why? Because so called liberated and intersectional feminists do not believe that strong women of colour are able to love themselves or be free of internalized racism if they choose to date a white man. 

I call bullshit. I say to Asian girls you are not a fetish. You are brilliant and able to discern if a white man only sees you as a fetish or appreciates you for the unique individual you are. Date a person who values your culture and identity. I date a white man because he is kind, supportive, and loving. A white man dates me because I am the fucking bombest girl he will ever meet and I also happen to be Chinese and proud as fuck for being Chinese. So fuck you and your “Asian girls the only way to love yourself is dating within your own race” bullshit. I am sick of being judged for my choice of a mate, I am sick of people assuming the only reason my boyfriend could possibly love me is because of his affinity for my ethnicity and that the only reason why I date him is because I hate myself and my own people sooo0o0o0o much. 

Fuck your self serving narrative. There are other ways of dismantling racism and the patriarchy, belittling Asian women is not one of them. 

2

“They’re just a band” – That is a statement that I have heard non stop for the past 4 and a half years. To some people, they are just a band. But to a lot of people (including me) they were the people we relied on to make us smile everyday. These boys have taught me more about myself and about life in general than any teacher or parent ever could. Harry specifically has taught me a lot in these past few years. He has taught me how to love myself. He has taught me how to love others unconditionally even if they don’t necessarily deserve it. He is kind. He is humble. He is genuine. He is everything I want this world to be and more. So, people can laugh and judge all they want. I don’t really care. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that Harry Styles has made an impact on my life and has actually helped me become the person I am today. He is somebody that I am proud to say I look up to and he will always be that person. 1dtattoos

What your conscious mind forgets, your subconscious CAN'T

 I had back to back nightmares two nights ago every time I closed my eyes, resulting in extreme anxiety, a middle of the night panic attack, and zero sleep. I couldn’t figure out WHY I was having such graphic, awful dreams. Then I looked at the calendar. 


One year ago today, I was driving home from Delaware, attempting to come to terms with what had just happened to me. That 1.5 hour drive was one of the longest of my LIFE and I don’t remember much other than calling the people I trusted most to just listen and cry with me. I HATE that as I’m absolutely loving every aspect of my life right now, this is something that I’ll NEVER be able to forget, no matter how hard I try. 

Many of you sent AMAZINGLY kind well-wishes when I went to sentencing in September (thank you thank you thank you!!!) and requested to see my Victim Impact Statement. I am so proud of myself for standing up and reading this, in front of my family, friends, judge, attacker, defense attorney, and strangers and REFUSING to let my voice be silenced. As I finished and headed back to sob in my mother’s arms, not a dry eye was present in that court room. The following are my words, my voice, and something that I am going to cling to as my strength: 

“As I sit here trying to decide how to compress 10 months of hell into a page of concise, clear explanations, all I can do is cry. It is nearly impossible. How can I comprehensively and cohesively convey to you, your honor, what a nightmare my life has been? I am going to do my best and I beg you to listen with your heart, to the final words I will say, as if I were your daughter, wife, or mother. On November 16th, I drove to Wilmington Delaware to enjoy a night out with an old friend. I never would’ve expected that a night that should’ve ended with girly gossip and cuddles would inevitably be the beginning of an uphill battle. 

For the past 10 months, I have experienced loss of sleep, irritability, anxiousness, loss of appetite, extreme anger, hyper vigilance, too many panic attacks to count, and nightmares. I have been forced to miss work hours for various meetings and because the emotional stress was just too difficult. On days that I did muster the strength to get to work, I often had emotional breakdowns. I have missed out on social events because I simply couldn’t bring myself to go out, see people, and deal with triggering events. I have been forced to ignore friends for fear of what the defense may suggest we would talk about. I’ve lost friends who simply couldn’t understand the complexity of the emotional roller coaster that a victim experiences. I have been revictimized by the process of reporting my assault and reactions of professionals, friends, and family. 

I decided to attempt to go to a bar for a friend’s birthday in January. It was the first time I had gone out socially in 2 months. Low and behold, Stephen Podesta was at the exact same bar! The defendant spent the night drinking and having a great time while I locked myself in the bathroom for over 2 hours, sobbing, and waited for my 19 year old brother to come pick me up. 

Fast forward to August. I’ve gone through thousands of dollars worth of therapy. I am finally beginning to heal and move forward with my life. I moved to Spain for a new journey and a fresh beginning. I receive a phone call 2 weeks ago which ultimately led to my decision to agree to the lesser plea. The flood of emotions returned, as if the event was fresh in my mind. The anxiety, loss of sleep, and panic attacks returned. I couldn’t muster the strength to get to my classes that I paid nearly $2,000 to attend. I gave up a week of traveling and spent nearly $1500 to come home so that my voice may FINALLY be heard. 

It was my decision to agree to this lesser plea of offensive touching, your honor, however, this plea does not do the crime justice. Stephen Podesta violated me multiple times that night, all the while knowing it was unwanted. I did NOT lead him on. I did NOT say yes. Stephen Podesta left physical marks on my body and emotional scars that will never go away. In a perfect world, Stephen Podesta would get a sentence that fits the ACTUAL crime that was committed. 

I am kindly asking, your honor, that you consider my request for the maximum sentence for this crime. I forgive Stephen Podesta, because I need to let go and move on myself. However, I have carried this burden for 10 months and unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of just forgetting, “erasing it from my record”, and/ or pretending it never happened. I would like Stephen Podesta to have some accountability, more than level 1 probation. I would like Stephen Podesta to be forced to acknowledge the crime and face just a fraction of the hardship that I have faced. 

In closing, your honor, Stephen Podesta knows exactly what he did the night of November 16th. No amount of questioning MY morals and MY integrity can change that. No pathetic excuses or victim blaming can change the fact that he is guilty. I will dedicate my life to changing our systems to take the onus off of the victim and place it back where it belongs, on the assailant! It does NOT matter what I had to drink, how much I had to drink, what I wore that night, where I decided to sleep, or why I waited to report the assault. 

I cannot express my relief and gratitude that this long and arduous process is finally coming to a close. Judge Cooch, for 10 months I have been through emotions that are impossible to accurately convey in words. I have spent time, energy, and money on this process. I have felt that my voice was taken away. Your honor, please allow me to finally close this chapter in my life with a fair and just sentencing.” 

Fast forward one year. I’m living the most incredible, unrealistic, life! I work 4 hours a day, get a regular salary, and live with some amazing people. I have met new friends, traveled to new places, and am planning more trips already! I have an incredible support system in Madrid, and my support system at home, even 4,000+ miles away is stronger than ever! I am now beginning to look into how I can turn my experience into something positive for others going through something similarly tragic. 

If nothing else, this experience (as a whole) taught me to remember to be kind, loving, and sensitive to one another; respect each other’s differences and realize that you may never understand another person’s struggles/circumstances. 

On a final note, I have started using, and will continue using the hastag #stacysvagaries on instagram, facebook, and tumblr. 

Vagary: “an unpredictable or erratic action, occurrence, course, or instance; a 
whimsical, wild, or unusual idea, desire, or action.” 

2

idk this is the first time i could look in a full length mirror in years without feeling disgusted. yes, i am overweight. i accept that. yes, my hair is stuck up at the back. that i don’t accept. my hair would be better if i’d had longer to get ready.

but this is me

i’m not hiding myself. love me or not, this is what i look like. and you don’t have to like it, but i hope you can at least accept it as the truth. i guess i felt odd as if my selfies were “lies” because they’re flattering. well, whatever.

this is how i look usually, not from great angles and extra make up. it’s me out for a bite to eat with my mum. i am a human being with thoughts and feelings who wnat you all to know how important you are, regardless of how you look or are judged by others.

which is why i’m posting this because usually i wouldn’t have glanced at the mirror. this is who i am and i am not ashamed.

and i am proud of myself for being a kind, loving person.

Happy Ace Day of Visibility my lovelies! (Look at my big ass playing card)

 I used to be kind of embarrassed that I was ace. I thought maybe something was wrong with me. All my friends would mention sexual attraction, but I couldn’t fully connect to that. I felt bad that I was one of my only friends with no interest in having a sexual relationship. And i was so afraid that my friends would judge me. 

 It took me quite a while, but I am glad to have discovered who I really am and I am not ashamed. Haters can fuck off.

 I hope you can all be proud of who you are, because who you are is amazing (wow I’m so cliché)

 (Ace of hearts = Alloromantic Asexual)

I am obviously not a skinny girl. I have chub. I have stretch marks. I am a size 14 in clothing (uk size) and i am 5'4. My bmi says im overweight. Society tells me i am fat. For the past 16 years in my life i have struggled to fit in. But you know what? This year, i have really learnt to love myself. I am a healthy human being, my weight has never caused me health issues. In fact, it is quite genetic for women in my family to be bigger, so don’t try to tell me to ‘stop shoving food down my throat’, as because of people like you i would usually eat close to nothing on some days. But now, i love myself. I love every curve and stretch mark. I am the only person who can judge me. I used to be ashamed, but now i am so proud, i have gained so much confidence. I wear crop tops, short shorts, bikinis and tight clothes, and i feel good in them. I dont care about anyone elses opinion.
I wish other people had that kind of attitude towards themselves and learnt to love their bodies.

This love is ours...

Guys, I just wanted to take a minute and tell you all a little bit about my husband… so forgive me in advance if this gets a little long/sappy. :)

This is Paul… my heavy metal, drum beating, crazy as hell, cat loving husband. I wanted to make this post because he deserves some serious recognition. This man loves and supports me like nothing I have ever known before. He does everything he can to make sure I’m happy and to let me know that no matter what I’m always going to have him supporting me. He’s adamant in making sure I’m not alone, and if there’s ever a time when I feel like my world is caving in, he lets me know that he’s going to be right there to put all the pieces back together.

The first time Paul ever noticed me… (like REALLY noticed me) I was on a stage singing Innocent. I think it’s pretty clear by looking at him where his taste is centered when it comes to music… He’s all Slipknot, Mudvayne, In Flames, Motley Crue. All that kinda music that makes you wanna jump out a window just because you’re feeling hardcore and invincible haha. Now I’m very diverse in my music taste… I really like most everything, but I mean clearly I’m on tumblr with a Taylor Swift blog with my bio stating “Taylor Swift is my alpha and omega.” So that being said… opposites, right? I’m the kind of person who doesn’t hide who they are, but I am very self conscious all the time. I’m a proud Swiftie, and I let that be known… but I always have this fear that people are judging me (whether it’s based off my music taste or something else) and I feel nervous a lot for no reason… but not when I’m with Paul.

I want you guys to know that this metal head will go hard with me in the car to TaySway… that he’s listened to 1989 more times than he can possibly count. He never makes me feel small or ridiculous for loving Taylor as much as I do. He’s excited about seeing her in Charlotte, and he loves Wonderland. When he goes to work and all his manly man friends start picking at him for going to see Taylor he shuts them down, and lets them know that she is the top superstar in the world and tells them that he’s excited. 

When I started trying to get Taylor to notice me he never picked at me for it. He never tells me to stop talking about her. He always cheered me on when I told him people were starting to help me get noticed. When I would get discouraged he would tell me not to give up because he knew I was close, and that he knew if Taylor ever had the chance to know me that she would love me. Now that may seem silly or trivial to some people, but it means so much to me. I know you guys know what it’s like for people to downplay how we all feel about Taylor… it’s annoying, and it hurts our feelings, and people don’t believe us when we try to tell them about all the amazing things she does for us on here, how special she makes us feel. So to have him constantly supporting me and boosting me up was the best feeling. 

So I just wanted to take the time to let you guys know just how amazing he is, and how lucky I am to be with this man. We’re so excited to see taylorswift June 8th! And Taylor… if you happen to catch a glimpse of a man who’s about 6′1 who’s “dancing” really looks more like it should be designated for a Slipknot concert… then you’ve found us… and we would love to have a chance to say hello to you in person. :)


anonymous asked:

Why do you insist on being friends with all these outcasts of your ship. It's fucking up your reputation and the way people look at you now. I used to be proud of you but now you're just pissing me off

Hey there “friendly”, 


You really tried to sound like an ‘un-asshole’ at the beginning of that ask but unfortunately with each word after that first one I began to be less and less proud to be or more accurately used to be associated with you. 

I kind of wish you would have sent this off anon so I too can remove you from my life because if this is how you judge your friendships I don’t think ours ever had much of a chance to begin with. 

It might be really difficult for you to understand this concept but please try - I don’t chose my friends based on their shipping preferences, the way they ship something or dont ship something else or their personal opinions of fictional characters and TV shows. 

My SO ships CARYL…sort of…but he ships Carol and Rick more because he thinks it will cause havoc everywhere and because he wants to see Carol order Rick around…

Yeah, he has issues but you know, he has other opinions and thoughts that make it worth having him around. 

I don’t agree with everything my friends say or do BUT who does? 

I mean if that’s your friendship philosophy, then how many friends do you have left?
See I am someone who values transparency and authenticity so I would rather hear the truth about how someone feels about a ship or a character then pretend to be something for the sake of “reputation”

Or for the sake of YOU being “proud of them”!

I don’t put a lot of thought into how people look at me and I could care less that my ‘reputation’ is being ruined. See when you set out to be genuine and true to who you are, maintaining a good reputation among people like you is literally impossible without compromising a part of yourself AND at the end of the day nobody is worth that. Definitely not you! 

Coming to bloggers inboxes to criticize and admonish them because they are not catering to your way of shipping or your opinions about others, as you hide behind an anonymous badge, is not someone I care if I “piss off”! 

People choose to ship things differently and they have a right to react to things within the ship in their own way - without being judged or made to feel they are not living up to someone else’s shipping standards. We are all different people here and while we came together because of our shared love of a ship or a favourite character, we are individuals who have forged relationships and support systems beyond that. 

I don’t know exactly who these ‘Caryler’ outcasts are but you labelling them like that is very mean and frankly it makes me want to befriend them even more just because it “pisses you off”! 

Nobody deserves to be shamed, judged or labeled just because you are narrow-minded enough to think that they should be catering to the way you want to ship or that they need to adhere their opinions to yours.
That’s arrogance of the highest proportion and if this is how you are really like then I am glad I don’t make you proud. 

I’d hate to think the kind of person I’d have to be for that to happen. 

I suggest you unfollow me or block me right away because whatever it was that is making you so disappointed is most likely gonna get worse and not better.

Try to have a less uppity day today

Sanja - your disappointment