Expired Lover ( Part 3)
Here’s part 3 of the Juice fic, in his POV. Hope you all enjoy! Xx
Your hands shook with rage, and tears blinded your vision as you paced back and fourth in front of your bike. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration after your two year stent in Stockton Prison, but instead, you had run into her. All this time, she had been this close to you and you never knew.
The image of her you had gathered by watching her every move tonight replayed in your head repeatedly. She had cut her hair just above her shoulders, and the dark makeup she used to always sport was gone, her face bare and beautiful. You hadn’t gotten up the nerve to speak to her, but you could tell that she hadn’t just physically changed. Everything about her was different. She had a smile that lit up the room, and now it barely cast a dim light. Everyone loved when you brought her around the clubhouse; it was her personality. She could strike up a conversation with anyone about anything and charm the hell out of them within minutes. She didn’t seem so happy and care free now. She seemed..dark, unhappy, and unusually lifeless. She definitely didn’t have the glow a girl who was getting married in a week should have.
The thought of her with someone else caused a bitter taste in your mouth, and jealousy to warm the blood flowing underneath your skin. Yet you couldn’t help but worry; was all of her unhappiness caused by him? Did he treat her right? Give her everything you couldn’t, everything she deserved?
“Juicy,” Chib’s familiar voice called, stopping you in your tracks as you turned to face him. He looked at you sympathetically, and it only pissed you off more. “I heard the news, I’m sorry brother.”
Nodding, you shoved your hands into your hoodie pocket and took a seat on the curbside, Chibs following suit. You ran a hand over your recently shaved head - the only hair left in a thick patch down the middle.
“How am I supposed to do this?” You asked, your voice thick with tears. “How am I supposed to let her marry another man? She’s mine. It’s supposed to be my ring on her finger, she’s supposed to get my last name. What do I do?”
Chibs rested a hand on your shoulder, gripping tightly. “You remember why you chased her away in the first place, right? Because of all that love you have in your heart for her. She wasn’t safe in Charming. We made a bad call and she was going to suffer the consequences.”
“But that threat is gone now. I mean, look at Jax. Tara came back! If he could do it, why shouldn’t I be able to?”
“That threat is never gone, brother. There’s always going to be a bad call - don’t you realize that? It comes with the patch; it comes with us. Using Jax and Tara as an example? She’s already been kidnapped, as was Abel. We got both of them back safely. but those were lucky calls. And we won’t always be lucky. She’s safe here. Engaged to a decent man I’m sure; got herself a normal life. A safe life. If you really love her, you can’t take that away from her.”
“But she isn’t happy,” you replied, you voice merely a whisper as a tear escaped your eye and slivered down your cheek. “This decent man, this safe life, it doesn’t make her happy. You saw that, I know you did. I could do both. I could make her happy and make sure nobody ever hurts her-”
“No Juicy,” Chibs sighed, ending my sentence before I was finished rambling. “You can’t. Let her be.”
A few hours later the boys had finally stumbled out of the bar, whilst you had stayed outside. You blew through your whole pack of smokes, and cried yourself dry. And now you were going to handle your unfinished business. You had convinced Clay and the others to let you have a few minutes alone with her once the bar had cleared out. You couldn’t leave things on the note you had five years ago, you just needed to tie things up. Part of the reason, if not all of the reason, she looked so unhappy was because of you - and you couldn’t live with that.
Chibs, Opie and Jax took care of the lousy bouncer, and taking a deep breath you slipped inside the thick wooden door, letting it slam shut behind you. You took in the deserted bar as you propped yourself against the nearest wall, shoving your hands inside your hoodie pocket once more.
Eventually (Y/N) stumbled from the back room with a stack of boxes in her hands, and tear tracks staining her blotchy cheeks. You felt a twinge of pain in your chest, knowing all to well she had been crying for the same reason you had. You were sure your face only mirrored hers.
She jumped as she caught sight of you in the shadows, dropping the boxes onto a table near by. “Jesus,” she mumbled, clutching her chest. “Way to make an entrance.”
You said nothing, just stepped a bit closer to her, studying her intensley. She took a step back from you, and that’s when you noticed the crow on her ankle. The crow that had once been yours, now bore no exact significance. Your name had long since been covered up - and you clenched your teeth. Of course it had happened, why wouldn’t it have? You ran her out of your life. But still, a foolish part of you hoped she had kept it.
“Why are you here, Juan?” She asked, a tinge of annoyance in her voice as she realized what you were staring at. “Where’s John?”
“Round back with the boys,” you replied, your voice slightly hoarse. Her eyes widened, and she started for the door. You caught her arm, stopping her before she could get far. “He’s fine.”
She scoffed, snatching away from you. “What’s your definition of fine these days? I know he didn’t just let you in here.”
“He’s knocked out,” you explained. “Wasn’t a hard blow, I’m sure he’ll be waking up soon.”
Her arms folded across her chest, and she narrowed her bright eyes at you. “And now to my next question, why are you here? What do you want?”
“Do you love him?” You blurted out, unable to stop the words from escaping your lips. “Does he treat you good? Make you happy?”
Her eyes widened with shock, as if you had just struck her. You suppose, in a way, you just had. Her fists clenched shut, and she turned away from you, placing her hands on the bar and gripping them for support. It was deadly quiet through out the place, and with (Y/N), quiet was never a good sign.
Next thing you know you were darting to the side, a beer bottle just missing your skull.
“Who the hell do you think you are!?” She shouted, tossing another empty bottle your way. This one was way off, shattering against the wall behind you. “Barging in here asking me those questions - like you have any right!? What? You suddenly decided that you love me now, Juan, is that it?! Or did you see that I was trying to have a life that didn’t involve you, and you just showed up here to ruin it!? Cause you did one hell of a job with that five years ago!”
“You wanna know if he treats me good? Yes. He treats me like a fucking queen. Does he make me happy? He tries, he does every damn thing he could possibly think of. But do I love him? I want to, God I want to. But you can’t be in love with two people at the same time, Juan. And for some unknown fucking reason, every part of me still loves you just as much as I did five years ago. I want to hate you, I want to despise the very thought of you; but I can’t. No matter how hard I try. Even though I walked in on you screwing that nasty porn bitch’s brain out. And then proceeding to laugh at me; tell me that I meant nothing to you. That you could barely stand to be around me,” she chuckled dryly, wiping roughly at her cheeks with the back of her hands as more tears escaped her eyes.
You flinched at her outburst, remembering that day perfectly. How disgusted you were as you led Ima to your bed. Having to stop yourself from puking in her hair as you pushed in and out of her. The strength it took to not only humiliate (Y/N) and break her heart, but let her walk right out of your life.
“Why?” She asked, all the anger gone from her voice. Now she sounded so broken and fragile as her red rimmed eyes met your watery ones. “Why did you do that to me? Wasn’t I good enough? I loved you with everything in me..why wasn’t that enough?”
Before you knew what you were doing she was in your arms, her sobs echoing into your jacket, her tears pooling up on your kutte. She tried pushing you away, weak from her current state.
“Please,” she whispered. “Please just leave. I can’t do this.”
You gritted your teeth together, hoping like hell your tears didn’t fall until you were out of this place.
“I have loved you, and will always love you, (Y/F/N - Y/L/N). Don’t ever think for a minute you weren’t good enough for me. You were perfect. You were everything I ever wanted.”
“Then why?” She asked, sobbing harder into your jacket.
“Sometimes,” you whispered, your voice cracking. “When you love someone, you have to let them go. I had to let you go, and I had to make sure you never came back. The club; we’ve been in some dangerous shit lately. We only get deeper and deeper. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. I needed you out of Charming, away from me. The only way I knew to do that was by breaking your heart.”
"Shhh,” you cooed, pulling he back into you one last time. “You marry this guy, baby. You hear me? I need you to forget about me. Let me go, and let him in. Accept the life you deserve.”
You placed one last kiss on her salty, tear coted lips, forcing yourself to pull away just as her hands snaked around your neck. You nearly ran for the door, feeling like you were going to be sick as you left her standing behind you.
“Juan,” she called after you. “Wait!”
Something about her tone caused you to stop, turning to face her. She reached her hand inside the tip jar, pulling out all of the cash, then walking behind the bar and opening up the register; taking a chunk of money from it as well.
“John will call the cops when he comes to, and I won’t be able to convince him otherwise. Take this; I’ll think of some lie to tell the cops but it’ll look suspicious if you didn’t take anything.”
You nodded, taking the cash from her hands and shoving it in your pockets. Your back to her once again, you made it to the door without being stopped this time. But just as the night air hit your face, you heard her voice call out behind you.
“I love you, Juan Carlos. I always have, and no matter how hard I try, I always will.”
You paused at the door for a mere second before storming over to the bikes, all of your brothers looking at you in a concerned manner.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” you spat.