jrambles

maybe I really am just “not the type of person that people would hit on in a bar” as my ex said. maybe I’ll never be someone that people see and immediately gotta know my name or ask me out. maybe strangers will never swoon over me. perhaps Im the kind of person that people can only fall for over time. like one day they will be hangin out with me and look over and see me laughing hysterically at some cliche rom com and realize they want romantic things with me. thats a real cute thought I hope someday Im able to be at peace with that.

Getting medication that makes ya balanced emotionally is so strange? I feel like maybe I was living my life super dis regulated and didnt know it? Or is it that my anti depressants are making me unable to tap into my sad feels?

Anyway I havent sobbed in like 6 months (a record) and today on the way to work i heard this really obscure michelle branch song and some of the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks and i just balled in the car like could not hold it back so i had to wear sunglasses inside my workplace until my eyes cleared up so that no one would ask me questions lmao

anon hate doesn’t even hurt me anymore it just kinda bugs me that people are awful but whatever they are actually saying is just laughable to me

but the awful things my ex said to me are still affecting me 6 months later i cant let go of those awful comments its like they are embedded into my bones now and it has changed the way i think about myself and the chances im no longer willing to take in the world idk just sucks